Inside ArtScroll - Season 3 Episode 9: Rabbi Yaakov Horowitz

[Music] Hello everyone and welcome back to Inside Art Scroll where the books you read and the people who write them come to life. Today I am privileged to be joined by Rabbi Yakovitz, founding dean of yeshiva daryam and the director of bright beginnings. Thank you, Rabbi Harowitz, for being here. Vietk, it's such a pleasure to be here. It's an honor. Really a pleasure. I have to start by talking about this book that we have open here, Let's Stay Safe, which you co-published with Art Scroll and amazingly really a tremendous achievement has been distributed worldwide. Yeah. I think the number is over 100,000 copies. About 130 between the three the three 13,000 copies in different languages, English, Hebrew, Yiddish. Uh and the goal of the book which you undertook was to spread awareness and to prevent child abuse. Correct. So take a moment to talk about the book and how you've heard that it's literally changed lives and prevented abuse, helped abuse victims. We we we're constantly getting feedback from parents who I mean it's the most gratifying thing in the world when you hear from a parent who says um you know you saved our child's life. Um the the first two months into the into the book, we got a letter from an autistic uh 11 year old from Lakewood and and he wrote wrote one of the pages there. It says, "If you lost in the mall, you should go to your mother. You should go to a woman." So he went to the cashier and he waited and he started talking, you know, and he thanked us. He wrote a three-page letter thanking us. It's it's it's incredibly rewarding. Um and and you know the big idea is that that the it gives parents tools to speak to the children and and it's interesting because the research shows that when children get nervous and parents get anxious either or both it it inhibits their ability to learn because we get frightened we can't concentrate on anything. So specifically, it's important that it be done in a child-friendly way. And you look at all the pictures, there's nothing frightening there, right? It's it teaches the children the four basic child safety messages. Your body belongs to you. No secrets from parents. There's good touching and there's bad touching. You have the right to leave someone who's uncomfortable. You see here, you know, someone's talking to them mother at the end of the day and this kid is getting out of a situation where where he's feeling uncomfortable. And we have and we specifically uh incorporated it with with regular safety things you know fire safety and other safety um first of all because it's important but it also helps the parents get calm the child abuse prevention pages are in the middle right so but by the time they get through bicycle safety and stuff they're they're more relaxed and and people who have read it both educators and parents comment that it was written with tremendous because you're taking on a very sensitive topic especially in our world. Y um but you have to address it in a very for forthright way. You can't, you know, try to hint at it and then kids get either get the wrong message or don't get the message at all. So really kudos to you. Thank you so much for doing that. But I would say and I I think you would agree that when you sat with Rabbi Mayor's Lotitz, what was it 13 years ago? Yes. I started It's actually funny. I I think I told Gdalia this reval revalia this story. Um, I went to him with a concept without the book and he thought it's more of an education about, you know, body parts and stuff and all of that. So, um, so he opened up his drawer and he took out a checkbook and he said, "Yanke, I want to be your first donor." He knew I didn't come for money. It was the politest rejection I ever got. And then I explained to him what I'm doing and I said, "Look, Rome, I'm going to come back with the book and then we'll talk." And to his eternal credit, he took it. It was extraordinarily risky for him. That's what I wanted to say. It was groundbreaking. Extraordinarily risky for him to do that. Especially since he that's not what he This isn't what he does. Um, but Romero was a visionary. Yes, he was a visionary. just like he saw other things before others did. Apparently on this topic he also saw right kind of before others did what was coming and what was needed right and he got it you know he asked me like how does this work so I started explaining to him how child abuse how how could this book really help kids and it's interesting the it's really fascinating because the abusers go through a grooming process in other words they walk into a room full of children and um they start looking around God forbid who it's safe to abuse. The most vulnerable the most vulnerable children and they look for two things basically um naive being naive about their own bodies and all of that and and of lack isolation. Same thing as a scammer does. If somebody's scamming financially they look for someone who doesn't know anything about finances, easy targets, but also they don't know who that person knows. Mhm. So that person's a sister might be a DA or a lawyer. So they look for isolation. So they they go through a process where where they do where they go where they go through different brilliant, evil, cunning ways to figure this out because the bottom line is they can tell right away if someone was spoken to. So even if they touch him on the shoulder, usually a child who was spoken to will look because that's not that's not in the ordinary. a stranger shouldn't come over and touch you. So that look or something like that frightens them off. They're afraid of children who they literally are afraid of children who are educated because why would they stop? That's what the grooming process. You see how how far the education goes that even small things what we would almost call nuances right could really end up protecting a child in a very significant way. Absolutely. The research shows that Dr. David Pelowitz and Dr. Dr. been seeing Twiski, every picture, every image, every sentence, they looked over. Um, and I'm so deeply grateful to them still. Um, Dr. Pelitz told me that if there are two children, everything's identical. One child has his own his or her own drawer at home and the other doesn't, the one with the drawer is four times more likely to defend themselves if somebody starts up with them. Wow. And that was just based on research and and the reason is they know things belong to them. Uhhuh. They know things belong to them. It's about boundaries. They know there are boundaries don't know things that other people my body belongs to me. Right. That's that's one of the four messages. My body belongs to me. In the in the book we have a picture of a child with a ball standing next to his bed. So once that's why parents should know that this is the beginning of a conversation. We this is a big idea. It's something that should be ongoing. But you can, it's easy for parents to to follow up on on these lessons with simple ways. One example I give parents, I used to do this in yeshiva. I was a principal of yeshiva for 20 years. If two kids would fight in the playground, rather than only talking to them about what they were doing, I used to go like this. Instead of saying, "Why are you fighting with him? Why are you in somebody's space?" So parents can do the same thing. You know, Miriam, you're you're in Yity space right now. you know, back off a little bit. So, it it it teaches them that they have their space. So, therefore, they respond when something is different. And children at a very young age would respond if something is different if you invited me to your house and I just leaned back, took off my shoes, and put my feet bare feet on the table. How old would the children have to be to start laughing? Right. Right. Why? Because no, they've never seen this. So, that's the tap on the shelf. somebody lays a hand on somebody's shoulder and it hasn't they they they look right. So that's that's the big idea. Of course, it's not foolproof. You know, there's a lot parents need to do, supervision, other things, but that's the big idea and it's you mentioned the letter that you got before. Any other stories that come to mind of where the book literally transformed someone's life in terms of education or other type? Thousands of times. No joke. thousands of times. Um, in in one one situation, a DA wrote in the indictment when they arrested a pedophile in a in a in a religious institution. In the indictment, it said that the children came forward after reading the Let's Stay Safe book. And and that's what we're doing now is we're offering the book, you know, in bulk, 100 cop more than 100 copies more for five $5 with free shipping. That's that's what we're doing now. Was an outgrowth. I once I raised money. I raised money to give out 1,800 books the first term of start convention after um after the after the book was released and um we gave them out to schools to put in preschools and and and the DA situation was with one of the schools. Wow. So you know so it's mentioned in an indictment in the indictment it says that the child came forth because they read this book after reading the let's stay safe book I gave a workshop to I gave a workshop in community uh on shabas on shabas and by shallas the father came to me already he had it was shabas afternoon by the meal and by shalludas one of the one of the kids came forward he read he the book was around the house and he says I'm somebody check with me somebody started up with me it's extraordinarily really unbelievable. Now, I know that you've worked you've worked with children now for 30 years. You've dealt with the whole atrisisk phenomenon. I'm sure many people wonder about this, but you deal with abuse as well. What percentage of children who neb have left the path and many do come back perhaps most. What percentage of them do so because of abuse? So, thank you for asking the question. um the it's an important question the way I see it um this is not researchbased you know this is just Yankee so no it's important to distinguish this isn't a research thing this is my own opinion uh but I felt this way for your opinion based on your experience anecdotal right anecdotal right so what what I encourage people to do is to take child uh excuse me children abandoning religion and instead of lumping them in one group to make two different buckets. One is they leave religion only and the other is they're leaving life. That's my own this is my own take on it because when I hear parents talking to me in my mind I think what which one of this is it? And abandoning religion means that the child has a social life. They're in school. They're happy. They're forwardlooking. They enjoy their lives. Hashem, God isn't part of it their life right now. And there's so many different reasons they weren't maybe weren't turned on. They were turned off. They they're not inclined to place. Are they are they are they really happy though? Because the perception is that those children are not really happy. They're just searching. They're covering up. Look, look, leaving one's home is a big deal and doing things different than their family is a big deal, especially they understand, you know, what the cost is and what it's going to look like. So, I I wouldn't say that all of them are unhappy. They're they're certainly unhappy when they're leaving the leaving our family and that's why we encourage parents to do whatever they can to keep them home. But back to the other bucket, leaving, you know, abandoning life means they're not in school. They're they're um they're feeling terrible about themselves. They they they don't have a social life or they're hanging out with other children who who've been who are in that situation. I said 13 years ago that that over 90% of those were abused. It's it's almost it's almost 100%. That category of they banned in life. They're abandoning life, meaning that they're a suicidal risk. Also, Al all they're broken. They're broken. They're broken souls. If you look at Maslo's hierarchy of needs, that's also another guide that I've had that is researchbased. Um Maslo has a brilliant theory. I encourage all parents to to study it, really study it. And he says that there are five sets of human needs. The lowest is physical. Then comes safety. Then comes friendship, love, relationships, self-esteem, and self-actualization to grow, to be all you could be. So I I if someone's car breaks down in a bad neighborhood, they got 3% on their battery, it's night time, and they're really frightened. All those next three things that don't even exist for them. So if a friend calls up, right, or if a family member says, "Hey, yeah, Masleto, my daughter got engaged, like it's not that they don't want to, they cannot." It's so Maslo's theory. I have some questions on it, but it's a brilliant theory and it's so it's it's almost immutable. It it's you. So, so again, when you're feeling like that, there's nothing else. So self-actualization to learn. That's why I tell people the first thing you have to do if you have a child that that that's abandoned life they have you have to get them whole you know to ask them to learn to dav and then if they're broken they're broken that so if they're not feeling safe how can they possibly concentrate it doesn't mean literally they can't do anything but it's so much more difficult in fact some research shows that that it's often it's often confused because the very often abuse survivors especially children have symptoms of ADD where they can't concentrate and they because that lack of stability and safety. So right parents overall I think the most important job of parents is to give the children those two levels those provide them with security and see that they have that the home is relaxed and happy and and you know all homes have stress but you know as stress free as possible and their physical needs then you can build on that. So that's why you see them when you see children that just can't go on there was some sort of trauma. M now that segus very well. You're talking about ADHD, ADD. There are kids who struggle tremendously in our school system which is very very much academic based. Um I've heard in the name of a prominent psychologist that 20% do phenomenally well in our system. 20% maybe fall out. The bottom 20% and the other 60% in the middle are chugging along. Not necessarily comfortable. Some more some less. some years depending on the rebio teacher depending maybe on the limood and so on and so forth there are so many variables I don't want to uh paint with a broad brush stroke but you're we were talking about child abuse that's physical abuse people violating their space talk from your experience about the kids who suffer from the system abuse of just you know if you don't learn well in our system right you're an outcast very quickly it doesn't take very long for a kid to have that feeling and I', you know, that I'm a loser. I've devoted 30 years because I don't learn Gomorra well. I don't learn Kamish well. And by the time the child is in seventh and eighth grade, whether they're a boy or a girl, they got the message that, you know what, we we don't really have room for you. So, I'm actually in the middle of do I started doing daily parenting clips um June 1st of last year. We're we're just almost at 300 clips already. And I do a different topic every week. It's on it's on Instagram at bright beginnings forum. You can get it on WhatsApp. Um 845-5402414. Send a message. Subscribe comes right back. Um I have I have other it's on Vimeo. So people who don't who want fil have filtered internet can get that also. Uh but over the last five weeks I've been doing since PES I've been doing classes specifically on this helping parents figure things out and I did a week on personality profiles and a second week on on learning profiles how people learn differently and and h and then it's have thing called called the answer key giving parents the tools to try to figure it out the if a child has a short attention span learning Gomorrah all day is is I wouldn't say impossible but it's it's very difficult. You know I like to think of it in my yeshiva we in my we we had hippo rules. I was very strict not to discuss lead them in the hallway. So we we had a code among ourselves for 40 40 regular. You know you get a suit. So some people are 40 regular. That's the 20% you're talking about right? They're perfect fit. They go into the store, they take, "Give me the sleeves, cuffs. See you later." Okay. Some people have alterations. They need alterations. You know, that one foot is longer than the other or whatever it is. And then this custom. Mhm. You know, that they just don't fit. That that they the regular suit that they make uh on the assembly line is not going to work for them. They need a custom. That's really what that's the reality that some children are are 40 regulars and they just go and this is perfect for them and they love it and and then you have kids who need alterations which means modify their schedule, teach them more visually, do other things like that and then unfortunately you have children that honestly 150 years ago they would have been working on a farm and would have been religious people and very happy. So the expectation, thank God, the expectation is that all our children go to school. So I recently heard from Rabbi Daniel Kush, the wonderful from Waterberry who somehow has an to see the good in everyone and he was highlighting the need to take every child and focus on what they do well. Yes, some children won't be doing well academically, but they may be good at public speaking. They may be artistic. They may be good at music. Now, our mainstream yeshiva system does not have the wherewithal, or at least not as it's presently constituted, to really do that. But my question is, are we putting all our children into one system knowing that we're deliberately going to be having a significant percentage of children who just will fall out? Can I can I be brutally honest? Yeah, that's what we're here for. I I think a lot of it honestly has to do with parents. I'm not suggest Look, I'm I'm not suggesting that our system is is not without flaws, but many times parents try to get their children into a school that's not right for them and the principal comes back and says, "Your son's not going to make it here." And and we understand every parent wants the best school for their child, but it's not the right size shoe. So, so they try protect you or any other way to get into the school and then it fails. Um, I I actually asked at a Mets Gadella meeting um right a year or two after I wrote the first article that was 1996. So, it was an article in the Jewish observer observer apparent that's what changed my life. An ounce of prevention it was called. Um, so I spoke to the Rashiva. I said maybe the rashiva could emphasize uh to to to parents that if they have a child that's not that's not right for a a top yeshiva or even an average yeshiva they shouldn't try to put them in. He turned to me says we tell them they don't listen to us. I I kid you not. He said that's what he said in frustration. He says we tell them that they're all nodding their heads, right? They were all nodding their heads. So I published actually beginner kish and beginner gumar workbooks and if you children aren't making it I I mean we have over 100 yeshivas already but it really teaches children skills how to learn kish how to break down the the root words the prefix suffix I just mentioned to you you know 270 270 shares root words is 93% of kish and we have a a gamarra program really designed to break it down to give the children visual aids Here's a good here's an exercise I would tell parents to do. You get a you get a new phone, you get a new appliance. How do the children or you or if you're married your wife, how do you best get that information? So some people just read the manual and they just need quiet guys I'm concentrating and other people will tell the same thing in in the Bishar is hard. If you look, some people will just they tell the study partner just quiet please give me one second and and they they're textual learners. They learn best through text. Some people are auditory learners. They they say you know Jimmy could you say that again to me or they'll ask someone to tell them how to do the but 65% of people are visual learners. So by making charts and graphs our our books are full of them. Um but I mean any parent can do that. We hope that more and more rebum the rebum today are getting so much more training than I did 40 years ago when I started. But but um if the if the school isn't providing it I encourage parents to learn about I'm doing follow my daily clips. We're talking about this spec specifically because you can provide that at home. You can give the children examples that are from today's environment. Look, the the Gomorrah talks about things that happened 2,000 years ago. If I told if I did one of my clips today and I said, you know, I took this eight track recorder and I listened to, you know, you talk about something 40 years ago, the kids look at you like you're right like you're out of touch, right? You're out of touch. So, there's so much that parents I think you brought up a good point. There's no question that in our community, people are very cognizant of their reputation, the schools their children go to. that worried about there's no question that there is a very very strong prevailing attitude that that falls into that category. But I I've heard from big professionals today that more than ever parents are very open-minded today, more than they've been before about where their children where their children belong. I think many years ago people were were more narrow-minded. Today people are opening up. They're they're becoming more confident in themselves, right? Not worrying as much what their neighbor's going to say, but to focus more on what the child needs. But it's not that long ago, and we were smooing about this before our interview. It's not that long ago that for the boys really the only place that catered to a boy, you didn't fit into their system was Adelfia, Rava, Tratal, and that's it. And that was it. That was it. And for the girls, nothing. Even nowadays, there's there's not enough for the girls. Correct. And I've spoken to people and they lamented to me. They said there's really not enough for girls who don't fit in the system. Right? So there seems to be, again, not to, you know, beat a dead horse, but there seems to be a greater need to cater to the children and as our community gets bigger, the need is only going to get bigger. And as the world out there, right, gets more complicated, gets more complicated. So we're we're fighting a war on so many different ends. Children will find children will find what's more more exciting. Suddenly the garra is not as exciting as whatever device they might have been exposed to and and and the job the mankim have and the parents have are it's just getting harder and harder. I know you were talking before that you yourself committed and I I I give you such credit for it because it takes a certain amount of self-awareness to do that, but you told me that you did like market research to learn about social media and its different facets. Talk about that. Yeah. So, I just I I've been I've had the great privilege of working in parent coaching, mentoring, whatever, however you call it. I did my first parenting classes in 1997 in Rabbi Riseman. They made 10 cassette tapes. We sold 100,000 copies. Um, so you know, I'm very gratified that that I was able to do that. But every year I try for at least a day, a day or two that I turn my phone off and have a day of reflection for myself. I'm 62 years old. So, you know, you say before I hang up my sneakers, what would I like to do? and what's my what's the best use of my time and I it's personally it's very helpful to me to to to go through this process. It's not always pleasant, but you know, I think it's an important it's an important thing to do. And one of the things that jumped out at me the last four or five years is that I felt myself increasingly out of touch with today's younger parents, the generation Z parents. I I don't understand them. I mean, I understand I can talk to them, but you go on social media and you watch the interaction on Instagram or or it's so different than Facebook. Um, and the the kids today, anyone under 35, d Facebook, forget it. Um, and they're leaving Instagram for Tik Tok now. But the the culture is much shorter attention spans. Um, there are more differences that it's beyond the scope of the conversation, but the power of influencers is tremendous, right? It's tremendous. tremendous because because of the enormous amount of disinformation in all every facet of life, people get skeptical and the the Gen Z kids are are extraordinarily skeptical of anything that they they see over the internet because they know that so much of it is not. So what what practical advice do you have parents who are watching our conversation who are listening to you and they're suddenly feeling out of touch and they want to be able to connect to their children but really more than anything else understand what their children's challenges are. What what should they know? That's a fantastic question. So I'm glad you I'm glad you raised it. Study it. Study learn. You know it. Ask your children. Ask your children instead of, you know, when parents back in the days when texting, you know, was was the only thing that parents were worried about. You know, I would tell parents that if you if you if you forward all the WhatsApp, those corny messages that people send you. I remember when online meant you were on a line in the bank. Haha. And you know everybody's burm grandmothers are sending it around to each other and then the parents send it to the kids and say especially if it's something internet related and they say you saw what like you're hanging up a sign on your forehead I don't understand you I don't know your life I don't know anything about you don't talk to me because I'm clueless so so when you say like texting nobody talks anymore people said that about phones probably also but whatever it is what it is so so of course parents should supervise technology use. Um, I have a whole talk on that. Um, but but it's so important to know what's going on. I have a whole class that I give called would your kids tell you, meaning would your children tell you if they're getting in trouble? And I I just released a video on in relation to child safety. Child safety is an extremely uncomfortable conversation. One of the things that the abusers rely on is that the children will be uncomfortable talking about what happened to their parents to themsel to the parents to anybody right to anyone to anyone who would talk about specifically to their parents specifically. How do how does a parent practically create that open relationship with their child so that the child will divulge if someone ever violates? Right. So so that's a real process. I go through it. I I have a whole class my my um my um I have a YouTube channel. It's Yakovarowitz. I did a series of of seven classes called mentor or supervisor asking parents do you want to mentor your children or you want to supervise them? That was the whole theme. But I did a talk on technology use and I did a talk specifically on would your child tell you and actually brought our married daughter, our youngest. She's now 26. Um she actually is the therapist. I brought her on for Q&A so parents could ask her questions about what it's like growing up in a place where you can talk to your parents. Really? She was great. What What did she If you could share here, what was what was the crux of what she said? No, she spoke about being able to talk to us. Uhhuh. and that we told her when we were disappointed and we told her, but we always told her that we want to know what's going on. We we we want you to be comfortable talking to us about anything. Every child should have that privilege and we're going to be disappointed if you do things wrong. Of course, we will. You can't lie to children. You can't say, "I won't be disappointed." You can't stop that. But we'll be much more upset if you don't feel comfortable talking to us. And we actually made a rule with her that she could tell one of us and not the other. That we we we told her, you know, mommy and I don't keep secrets from each other, but if you want to tell one of us and you're not comfortable, the other one should know. Ask us to keep confidentiality. And we will and we did until today. Wow. So I mean there's a number of barriers that it it's it's logical. You know, I know these are very very heavy topics and probably every question I've asked you today would require its own session, but to segue from the technology question about being educated about what our children are being faced with kind of connected to that, what have you found over 30 years is the key to creating a meaningful connection between children and Yiddish, between children and Hashem that they should want to connect, that they should want to grow that despite everything going on around them which may be telling them otherwise they say you know what this is this is going to bring me meaning have have happy homes have happy homes um meaning just a place where children like to be will like to be in um again every house has stress of course um but that the overall tenor should be happy be flexible don't don't these are the few things and and and if a child has a problem. Look at it like it's it's a family problem, not their problem. When when I listen to people, I can I started saying this five years ago. It sounds a little weird. I'm telling you, I can usually tell within the first three to five minutes if the kid's going to make it. I kid you not. Based on how the parents talk about it. Uhhuh. the parents that come in and they say, "Look, we're having an issue with our daughter." And and we we we're having an issue with our daughter. We'll do whatever it takes. Do you have any ideas? And and they're exploring and they're eager to learn and and they just feel like they're doing the the daughter feels the child feels like they're doing it together. Why do people like the football coaches? The co if Rabim talked the way football coaches did, they'll get fired. It's all about the team. No, no. I'm saying they yell at the kids. Why'd you drop the ball? That's what I meant. No, no. Why'd you drop the ball? What did you do? They don't say, um, imagine on I don't mean all coaches. I'm I'm I'm exaggerating, of course, but you know, if a kid drops a pass, oh, that was a beautiful try. Let's say next, you know, they think they don't mince words. Kids love their coaches. Why? That's my This is my own take because he's next to you. When you celebrate, you all celebrate together. And and when you you suffer a defeat, he's throwing his stuff around just like you are. You're saying so they could take parents when parents look at it and they tell, "Look, sweetheart, we're going to meet someone tonight. Um, we're going to talk it over and whatever it takes. We love you. We'll always love you." And I've had It's so sad. It's so sad. I'm going to start crying. I've had people come in and thankfully a lower and lower percentage, but they walk in and say things like, "My first two kids are so wonderful." And this one when she's home and he's home, the whole Shabas table, everything is wrong. And then when he's away, it's the whole, you know, and they just project all the blame. And and I say to myself, never, this poor child. And a long time ago, I'm I'm an honest guy. I do this as a I never took a penny all the years for for guiding parents. So I don't belong to an agency. I I can do what I want. I tell them, are you willing to change your attitude? Um are you willing to say that this is our problem? We're going to do and if they say no, what is his problem? I say I'm giving you a referral. Muslim braha. Mhm. Because I'm won't even work with them. No, I'm wasting my time. I don't have enough time as it is. I'd ra I tell them I tell them just like this. If you want to change, sit back down. Okay, it's okay. I And I say it nicely. I don't say it rudely. I say it nicely. Look, I love you guys. I want to help you. But this is not going to work. It will not work. I guarantee you it's not going to work. Please turn around. I said, come back in a week if you want to. You're welcome to come back, but sit down and tell us that we're having an issue with our in our family and we want to do this together. Rabbi Harowitz, thank you so much. pleasure pleasure for what you've done for for what you've done to protect children through this book which is really again it's revolutionary what it's done and it continues to do and amazingly despite the passage of time it still has that universal language that speaks to children and parents so thank you for that as well I'm sorry can I can I go ahead so so again we're starting right now we're Rabbi Zlato it's an I am art scroll and bright beginnings we're doing a partnership And we're offering the book for for $5 um for $5 a book for more than 100 copies. And the idea is we want to seed all communities in North America with books that philanthropists or regular folks aundred books is $500. It's two sessions at a therapist. Um so do what you can to get the book to your friends. It's we even offer free shipping. Childsafetybook.org or childsafetybook.org. I I I cannot tell you how helpful this is and how heartbreaking it is when we have children come to us that we feel, you know, simple child safety education could help. So, please, Rabl, what's we're doing this because we believe in the book and we believe that that every single home should have one. I have a a videotape from Rabbitson Kodeski Ki's daughter's daughter. Um, she said I I should I'll send you the video. You should put that one. It's like she says in the Hebrew book, she says, "Every single Jewish home should must have this." And she told the story of her I gave them books. Rabim wrote us a letter and she wrote us a letter when we published the Hebrew book. I gave them a stack of books. She said on the video that my daughter was in my granddaughter was in the hallway and her mother read her a book and she was saved. Really? It's on it's it's on it's on my YouTube page. she said the fish and she so you know get the book educate your children you don't have to get the book it's all right you know educate your children please um it's so helpful and and when you see when I see when people when those of us in the field see what it looks like on the other side when the children get abused it's just it's so it's so rewarding to know that that you're stopping you can stop this with just a few dollars and a little bit of time. Please, please get involved. Every single home should have the book. Rabbi Harwood Kazak, thank you so much. Thank you so much for being here. Real pleasure. Be well. [Music]