Vayigash - To Make or Not to Make Commitments

you're listening to the weekly partial podcast with ari goldwag recorded with hashem's neverending assistance in ramaphashima israel 5781 2021. this week's pressure is purchased by egash our parsha starts off with the cataclysmic confrontation between yehuda and yosef over the status and future of binyamin whether he'll be left as a slave in egypt or whether he'll be returned home to his father to yaakov avinu to jacob and the first piece in the medrash as you may have noticed we've been looking at the first pieces the first piece in the medrash tells us i have to say a very almost astonishing thing and if you've been listening listening to me for a while so you're going to see that you know there's been perhaps a small shift in what i've been speaking about and my approach i don't know if anyone has noticed it but there's been a small shift and this shift i feel like is very much embodied in the magis right here and i'm open to your thoughts on this as well i'd like to have some feedback ari goldwag gmail.com on the issue that i'm going to bring up okay and here it is yehudah steps up to to yosef and he says to him please my master let my let your servant say a word in the ears of my master let you not become angry with your with your servant because you are like paro now the mishnah i'm sorry the breissa brings the possibility the possibility it's in the sixth chapter of mishlai verses one through three first past six speaks about an array of person who has decided that he's going to be a guarantor okay so already we start to know that we're talking about yehuda excuse me as a guarantor but the possib speaks of the guarantor not in such a positive way and we're going to see the first part of the mantra says that the three things mentioned in this verse are actually not such good things not a good idea to get involved being a guarantor is a big responsibility it's a great commitment nakash the second verse speaks to somebody who is using his speech using his words in a certain way nakashita can mean to uh to to knock on a door you banged with the words of your mouth i say zeiss says the verse that if a person has done these things so then you're going to have to do something to rectify the situation because when you make a commitment when you knock when you say hard words so those words have to be backed up by action so the message first starts off before touching on yehudah himself the message tells us to watch out for these kinds of things watch out for commitments you know you may have heard from me many times because i know i've spoken about it because it's something that i feel passionately about the importance of a commitment the importance of deciding i'm going to do something making it so important as my rebbe rabbi moshe brown of yeshiva faraku as he said i once heard him speak on on purim people asked him how did he become such a great torah scholar how did he become such a tremendous talmud and he said you have to you have to feel like your life depends on it if you want to know torah you have to feel like your life depends on it so in a certain sense when we make a commitment we have to feel like our life depends on it and then that commitment is real to us to the extent that it's real to us to that extent it's going to it's going to be fulfilled we have to fulfill it because it's so real to us that's how important the tire has to be to us as rabbi brown said and that's how important our commitments need to be be to us we see certainly that that was the case with yehuda you would have made a commitment to his father he promised him he's he he bet his life on it his life in this world and the next and to the degree that a person is committed so it has um an amazing result but this is what the magist warns us about just be careful about be careful run away distance yourself from three things and attach yourself to three other things brahman even though of course it suggests that somebody brings you something to watch gives you money to take care of it's a responsibility it's called a cotton someone brings you something to watch money to watch et cetera watch out don't be so quick to be somebody who's taking care of other people's items second item is unim there's a concept in jewish law that if a father has died so the mother and the brother are able to marry off their daughter in those times people get married even under the age of 12. and when it comes to the age of 12 even though she's been married they've acted as husband and wife the daughter has a right to back out of the marriage if she decides that she doesn't want this husband it's called mewn because they weren't married midori so so either abanon there's such a concept but distance yourself from this kind of situation you make a commitment and it might be broken stay away from that kind of situation and the third situation that it says is being an arif being a guarantor making commitments at that level being an aria means backing up alone sometimes a person needs that it's a big hazard but it shouldn't be something that we're running to do because it's a big responsibility if the person defaults we have to pick up the slack so these are the three things that the manager says watch out for them hidovic says the magisk what should a person try to attach oneself to to things that don't that to things that involve loosening commitments interesting first of all hidalgo is where there's an obligation from milo ariza for if a person dies a man dies without any children so his brother is obligated to marry his his wife and it has a tremendous spiritual significance by doing so the brother and bearing this woman will bring back down the soul of the first brother who died to be able to come back to this world it's a very deep spiritual concept but the measure says don't don't get involved in that kind of situation be the one who doesn't marry the the brother's wife uh foreign be involved in nullifying if you're a rabbi who knows how to nullify a vow be involved in [Music] letting a person out of their commitment and the third item which according to some of them of worship it's not a separate thing but the idea be of of really the first two things and we can draw a general principle to all other things is that one should not be one should be involved in bringing about peace between people because when a person makes a guarantee when a person makes a promise and a person is committed for example this is what the foreign somebody leaves their item with me to watch so it opens up the possibility that it will be stolen that there will be some kind of issue that i might be tempted to use it in a way that's not permitted it could it could lead to a fight it could lead to a problem it can lead to arguments between people the message tells us the most important thing according to this verse in mishlai proverbs written by king solomon the wisest of all men is to steer away from situations that could involve a lack of shalom shabbat a lack of peace between man and his fellow [Music] so the first section of this measure clearly says one should steer away from commitments perhaps we could say commitments that involve other people but maybe even commitments inside of ourselves maybe it's not such a good thing it sounds like from the moment especially if it's going to be something that's what the mushrooms is from the image but from the forshim it's going to be something that we're not going to be able to keep our commitment we're just going to come out some negative kind of interaction between people because of that commitment that was originally made steer away focus on things that allow a person to have peace between himself between others now the magish comes back i'm just going to skip one line in the measure that's not so relevant to the topic another explanation this at the verse said speaking about an aerovoice a guarantee a guarantor this is a reference to yehuda yehuda stood as a guarantor for benjamin he said i will i will guarantee him that i will bring him back he promised his father takata lazar the verse also there that same verse refers to someone who makes a promise to a stranger makes a promise to kia's coffee is you take your hand and you and you make a vow with your hand maybe a promise like this maybe it's different ways of doing it but this is what yehuda said from my hand he made a solemn oath with his hand up he said you will you will get back your son i will bring him back from my hand you will request him the second part of the verse is that you you knocked with the words of your lips yehuda said with the words of his love he said i promise you i will bring him back you will be able to if anything happens if i don't bring him back to you i'm the guarantor that it will be done he will be brought back what was the result so we know in the simple understanding and this is perhaps i i could have i don't remember if i've said this in the past but it could very well be i've said in the past you see the power of a promise you see the power of a commitment the power of the commitment is you would have made a commitment he stood up to you to yosef to this egyptian ruler who was challenging him and gonna cause him not be able not to be able to bring back his brother because of that commitment he stood up against this terrifying situation so that's looking at it in a positive light and i'm i know i've said this that vinyaman and yehuda were forever bound as a result of that right today the entire jewish people consists of the jews who lived in the southern kingdom of israel yehuda bin yaman judah and benjamin we all today all the jewish people we're called jews we're from judah right all of us are either from yehuda or benjamin so this promise this guarantee was something that stood for 3 300 years even more 700 years [Music] so so this is an incredibly powerful thing this promise but it comes with a danger and that's the end of the madrish is a foe beneath me not so he says do this in order to save yourself [Music] and as the acid explains there is a tichakas monster there is a an awareness that we need to have that when a person makes a commitment there are ramifications for that commitment the commitment involves for you for yehuda it meant that he would have to bow down to the malchus to the kingship of yosef yosef would show his power over the brothers and yehudah would bow molecule all the way down on the floor in deference to yosef sadiq to yosef's kingship to yosef's demand because of his promise for higashi love yahudah as the verse says that yehudah approached him and this approach was one of complete subservience of complete surrender to yosef okay so that's the madrish now i was learning this measure with my son moshidov and we had a whole discussion i asked him it sounds like if if we read the entire mentorship really one concept because it you could really look at it often in the matrix i like to explain how much when it says a few different concepts so it's really the same concept that they line up they parallel each other just being often expressed in a different way but sometimes that's not the case often the the foreign measures say that these are different explanations and they always almost always point out that the verse is being brought at the beginning which is going to explain our verse is first explained in another light that's the way the measure speaks about it now in thinking about this so it sounds like it's a negative thing to make a commitment so i said you know did you who to do something wrong in making this commitment would he not have stood up for ben yemen would the brothers have just left binyam in there if they hadn't had this commitment i don't know if that's true i'm not sure you do see that they left shimon i said this to moshe dove you do see that they left shimon down in in egypt they went back they came back but as he pointed out lamai said they they knew that they would have to come back with their brother ben yemen and they would get back shim and that was the promise it wasn't like they left him there indefinitely or forever so would they not have stood up for him was it maybe they would have it's not clear but what is clear in the first part of the message is it's better not to to make commitments that are going to lead to problems the second measure was it a problem so as the acoustic explains it there's a moosa there's a lesson that we need to learn that the person makes a commitment he's going to end up having to bow down now that sounds like a negative thing but perhaps it's not and perhaps and this is how my son explained it and i think that there's a lot of truth to it it could be explained that the first section of the majority is just saying indeed watch out for commitments there are responsibilities and there can come out to colleagues that can come out negative uh results from from these from these commitments and you got to watch out for that it's better to be undoing commitments creating peace between people when that's called for that's the first section of the measure the second second of the measure section of the measure is saying a different idea it's saying that when a person makes a commitment there's going to be a necessity an absolute necessity to bow down malay koi masai there's going to be if a person makes a commitment let's say he wants to learn the da fiomi every day all right he's going to wake up one morning and not feel like getting out of bed he's going to have to subdue his sahara it's going to be hard he's going to have to bow to his commitment he's going to have to do things that are difficult so it's not saying it as a negative thing per se but it's saying just this is the reality of it the reality of a commitment is that it will involve further surrender of one's sahara further submission to his commitment that's the two ideas that are in this madrish and i was thinking about it and i've mentioned a few times already over the last few weeks but i continue to think about this idea of there are two reasons or two motivations that lead us to do anything in our lives one is loyal not for the right reasons and of course we're supposed to do things for the wrong reasons to begin with because it will end up being as long as we're focused on ultimately arriving there we will end up doing it for the right reasons but the wrong reasons can involve money kavod honor prestige you name it taiva desire you know those things motivate us and they're powerful motivators they're very strong motivators la shma is a very soft motivator it's a very weak motivator in a certain sense if and this is the the the the kicker let us say it's a weak motivator if we're accustomed to we're overly accustomed to only having powerful motivators there's so many powerful motivators in the world or maybe you know if i learn the daf i can get a certain sense of self-esteem that's a very powerful thing i'm part of a tremendous group of people learning the daft that's amazing but can i do it la shmoo can i do it can i become accustomed and accustom myself continuously to doing things that have not such a strong motivation as i mentioned previously will i only take out the garbage when it's overflowing and when there's a second bag hanging from the door or will i do it even when it's just perhaps a little bit below full well it's a waste of garbage bags how much does a garbage bag cost right can i can i be willing to do it that's the shepherd this this ability to reinforce within myself that willingness the willingness to perform actions that don't have a big payoff [Music] a commitment is a big payoff a commitment is a big payoff and involves dangers that's what this measure is saying i'm not coming here to minimize the importance of commitments they're essential we make a commitment to our children make a commitment to our families make a commitment to our spouse there are certain things that are expected that come along with our relationships and those commandments are essential but the thing that i see from this major and of course we see the things that we're looking for and obviously i'm thinking about this a lot now so this is what i see in this message the mentorship is telling us that there's a danger in the commitment in that intense in that intense way of thinking and being the danger is on the other side of it where i don't end up keeping my commitment or where i don't i don't end up doing what's right the commitment can also lead to a danger unless i'm aware as yehuda was that my commitment involves a tremendous tremendous obligation to subdue myself to subdue my my will to the commitment to god to to in this case to yosef that's the danger but what i'm offering here is another possible path i'm offering this idea and i would love to hear back from you about this if you've had any experiences with it and i know it's not something that has a great motivation to write an email but i encourage you perhaps this could be the avoider to write an email to arigoldwag gmail.com tell me your experience what does it mean to do something without that powerful motivator what does it mean to be willing to do it when it first starts to come up that this is something that i should be doing and as i've said already previously and i'll be saying it again the more that i listen to that the more that i'm willing to do things that are quiet motivators that's la shma the less i need those powerful motivators to motivate me to do the things that i you know i'm gonna end up doing those things anyway i'm gonna end up doing those things anyway but can i do it now before it becomes so the hoof such a such a pressure can i do it now i think that in this mattress there's an encouragement to recognize the dangers of being addicted to powerful motivators and the importance it calls it shalom it says bringing peace between people right obviously if people are going to break their commitments so that's going to be problematic it's going to create angst between people but i'm saying it on another level there's a certain peace that a person experiences when instead of it always being this pressured pressured pressured motivation there's instead a soft motivation listening to the soft voice and to the extent that i can listen to that soft voice that's where my conscience speaks that's what hashem's voice speaks to me that's where i when i start to listen there i start to hear more the voice of my conscience i reinforce my ability to indeed do things without that heavy heavy motivation so i want to bless you and i ask you to bless me hashem should help us to recognize the place and it's it's important to know that we need both of them the places where we are supposed to make those commitments and we are indeed we're obligated to make those commitments hashem should help us to be able to make the commitments in the right places and be able to keep those commitments to be able to be subservient to what we know is right to surrender to that which is right should help us in that area hashem should also give us the wisdom to discern where it is that we can reinforce within ourselves the ability to do things without that powerful powerful motivator but to do it from a a place of love a place of lesh a place of purity thank you so much for listening have a wonderful shabbos this podcast was made possible through the gracious donations of listeners like you for more podcasts like this please visit www.ariegoldwag.com or search on itunes ahri goldwag [Music]