Rosh Hashana - The Light Before Regrets

You're listening to the weekly para podcast with Ari Goldwag recorded with Asham's never ending assistance in Ramsh Israel 5786 2026. This is the last para podcast of the year 5786. We're going into rashash shana and I'd like to share with you some thoughts about rashash shana. Perhaps we can be in inspired a bit. Perhaps we can actually do something during that sarasim chuva, something active that can be subtle and profound and I'll share with you that soon. But first, I'd like to share with you some thoughts from Shashiva from Rabbi Pere in his and he says like this. I'm going to read some to you. We'll see how much we can get through. There's a lot of material here, some beautiful deep ideas and we'll see what time allows for. We started saying at the beginning of a psalm of David, this is chapter 27 of Psalms. Hashem is my light and my salvation. Whom do I need to fear? From whom shall I fear? Brings here the medish that says like this. our sages tell us and this is part of the reason obviously that we read this that the is talking about says is my lightashem is my light is referring to the day of rashashana which is interestingly what does it mean that hashem is my light it means that it's a day of judgment says that Hashem will take out like light our righteousness and he will bring out judgment like the afternoon. So it's interesting I'm just speaking out as I'm reading this and thinking about it as I'm reading it that we think of judgment as something negative but it's actually Hashem searching for and finding the positives. I'm going to talk about that soon. But y but rashashana is called a day of light. A day of light. The truth comes out. The truth comes to light. The the refers to as my light and my salvation. What's the salvation? It's the day of Yumiper. I also like to point out here is a day of atonement. Hashem forgives us for all our sins, right? We have a hard time with that. I think we have a hard time forgiving others and we have a hard time forgiving ourselves. And Hashem has no hard time forgiving us. Hashem created us. He He knows our He knows our positives and our negatives. Hey, but I know myself. I have a hard time forgiving myself. But Hashem does not have a hard time forgiving me. Right? Hashem is he is compassionate. Hashem is means I've pointed this out numerous times, but I'm going to point it out again means Hashem gives us a free gift. We don't deserve to be forgiven. We might not feel that we deserve it. We might not be able to forgive somebody else. Maybe we'll talk about what it means to forgive others. We've mentioned this not long ago, but Hashem forgives us. Yumiper is a day of atonement. We we worship the golden calf 40 days after the hari and uh didn't bode well. But 80 days later, forgave is for that's pretty that's pretty much the worst thing that we could possibly do. It's the bride uh sinning with another man under the wasra. Hashem forgives us. Okay. So rash is a day of light. Hashmi is rashashana. Hashem is my salvation. Kipper says Rabbi Pere let's think about the words of our sages. What is this special light that we have on? What's the salvation that we talk about points out points out that we have to look at and try to understand the order of the days of rash kipper because it would seem that it would seem that it perhaps should be the opposite. comes first before I would say perhaps that it should be the opposite. If if rashashana is about renewing my relationship with Hashem, saying, you know, Hashem, I want you to be my king again. I've thrown off your yoke. I've I've not acted that way throughout the year. There's been numerous occasions where I haven't really expressed in my actions that I want you to be my king. But I want to change that. That's what is about, right? So if I if it's about renewing that relationship, uh we would think that the first thing that we should do is purify ourselves. Look back on the mistakes that we made. Try to fix those mistakes. ask Hashem for forgiveness for them. If I want to show Hashem that that I want him to be my king, so I should perhaps first clean myself off from the mistakes that I've made and recognize him and say, "Hashem, I want to be different and then make him my king." Right? tells us King David says first steer away from bad and then do good, right? So it seems it seems out of order says here. But he says as long as the new beginning that we're doing is a result of our regret for the things we've done wrong. But regret is important. We're going to see what that means to regret it to regret the things we've done wrong. But as a foundation for a new beginning, regret is not the place to start because regret focusing on regret first can cause us to fall into the hands of the evil inclination again. In regards to this type of idea, our sage is salis the wicked are full of regrets where said in colloquial uh colloquial the colloquialism is on the road to gehenn the road to the fiery place is paved with good intentions which means to say the person who hasn't fixed themsel hasn't changed they are full of regrets they regret it they just don't change. Even though the wicked regret what they've done, they feel bad about it. The regret that they have does not necessarily bring them to change, to align their paths, align their ways with what the Torah expects of us. He brings from the Raom. So here's the foundational concept and this is really important because this is focusing on the good first really that's what he's going to teach us that when does a person fall in the specific uh circumstances that he speaks about is thoughts of arise thoughts of of lensious behavior. When does a po person person fall into that? It's when his mind is empty of wisdom. It's when a person's life is missing positive good action that the person ends up filling up his time or his space, his mental space with stuff that's not so good. The sin comes because a person's heart has space. It's miss it's it's there's space lacking wisdom. There's space lacking action. When a person, you know, we say we we clap on our hearts. It's symbolic. You don't have to hurt yourself. My I just heard listening now to to some vods from Arash Shiva from about 3 years ago. He said you don't have to bang too hard on yourself. You don't have to beat yourself up. That's not the point. It's just a recognition that it's my heart. It's my heart being empty that caused this problem so beautifully. He saysash the space in our heart is filled with lighters. What's the rash? We have three sections to the prayers to the of such a beautiful mus and what are those three things? We declare hashem to be our king. That's a malus. We have 10im 10 verses from from that express, we got to think about them, notice them, ponder them. They express the fact that Hashem is the king of the world. That we want him to be the king. And then we have Zikinus. Talk about the fact that Hashem remembers Hashem remembers for good the actions of Abramovino, Abraham, the actions of Noah and Shyers. Shyers are the the chauffeers that blew in times of hari when we receive the terra the that's going to blow in the future for Msiah. So there's a focus on this light on making Hashem our king on knowing that Hashem remembers for good the good deeds that we've done the good deeds that our forefathers have done and that there's ultimately going to be and there was a shy for a redemption redemptive moment for Israel with Harina and a redemptive moment in the future says is says that this filling of our hearts in this positive way is what inspires us when our heart is full. It makes us feel like yeah this is what I want my life to look like. I want my life to look like malus. God is my king. I want my life to look at like all of the good things that Hashem remembers. I want my life to look like points of redemption. When my heart is full of positivity, when my heart is full of of longing to have a relationship with the with the creator of the world, there's no there's no more room for sin. This is a day of life. shown us a day of light of positivity. We don't even want any hints to the word sin, right? We don't want to if if it's an egos, if it's if it's a nut, which in Hebrew the word ego has a gamatria, the same numerical value as word, we don't want any hints to negativity. We only want hints to positivity, to salvation, to sweet new years. Egg. That's why we don't eat. We don't want any hints to negativity. Only positivity. You know, like we mentioned before, a person who is wicked has lots of regrets, but it doesn't change them. What's the type of regret that we have that changes us? That makes us actually want to be different. It's the establishment first of a a positive feeling in our hearts that Hashem loves us. Hashem is our king. He's our father. He's our king. That's what makes me want to be different. I was just explaining to one of my kids yesterday that the thing that motivates people in if I'm trying to get my kids to do something right, it's not by telling them explains them why it's right. Maybe that might help them. But what motivates somebody to to do what I ask is because I have a relationship with them and they trust that I care about their best. Right? If I establish a relationship with au and I believe that everything that he wants for me is is for my best, that's different than me just saying, "Oh, I'm beating myself up for doing something I did wrong. I when I fill up my heart with positivity and a relationship with with Hashem and a recognition of Hashem's positivity of his remembering the good when I do that. So then it pushes out the possibility of sin. It's a different approach. It says that if we look, if we contemplate the way of the world, we can see something very beautiful, something very interesting. That naturally something more mature comes from something immature. Something bigger comes from something small. A chicken which when it comes out of the egg, it stands up straight. It's bigger than the egg, but it comes out from a small space. A butterfly comes out of this little cocoon. An adult grows out of the child that he once was. Rabz was his way. Gives us hope. He says muser. The word muser which for a lot of people has a negative connotation. The word muser is another word for hope. It means that it's possible to change. It's possible to be better. I've done wrong until now but I have hope that I can be different. And the phrase that he says is that the perfected individual, the the person who's striving for greatness grows out of the person who has kisserness, who has lacks, who has defects, right? I I got to walk through and admit the fact that I've done things wrong and that I've made mistakes, but I want to be greater. I want to be a child of Hashem. Hashem is perfect. I want to be like God. The main aspect of chuva of repentance is where I leave the constricted space. I leave that immature space. That's not possible. Just having regret, just knowing that I'm I'm constricted is not it's not the only that's not going to do it for me. It's only by becoming more mature, by becoming a greater person. So when I get bigger, when I get older, I have more maturity, have more recognition of the mistakes that I've made, and I can bring to mind and I can be conscious of the fact that I've made those mistakes and it didn't lead me to the place I wanted to go. And I I'm a child of Hashem, and I want to have a real relationship with him. I don't have to be trapped. I don't have to be incarcerated in my old immaturity of my of my childhood. So it's only afterash that I can start talking about regret. Only then after I've made Hashem my king, I've experienced the light of Rashana. only then is my regret going to be effective and and I'll be able to to do something different. But let's also be careful not to make a mistake and and think that regret is unimportant. That's not what we're trying to say here. Regret is definitely important. Why? If you don't have regret, you can't get atonement. And without getting atonement, so the person will be punished for the mistakes that he made. Let's ask a question. Okay. I decide from now on I'm going to be more mature. I'm not going to put myself into a place of nision. I'm not going to allow myself to fall. I'm going to be a greater person. And I do that from now on. I don't do the thing that I've done wrong until now. So like a butterfly that came out of the cocoon. I'm a new I'm a new being. I'm flying away. I'm not crawling along on the ground anymore. What do I need to think about the past for? Why do I need to attach myself and connect myself to today's past and my guilt? Let's focus on the positive. Why do I need to focus and look at the negative? Yes. I'm sorry. The wordal I've been translating as a cocoon. I think it actually means a worm. Uh a uh I'm I'm losing the word. You probably know the word caterpillar, right? A caterpillar turns into a uh into a butterfly, right? So the question is um he's saying like this if a if a butterfly does not remember the days when he was crawling along on the ground as a caterpillar if he doesn't also appreciate that time if he hadn't gone through being a caterpillar he wouldn't have gotten to the point of being a butterfly. It's not it's not that I need to to ignore where I've been, right? I need to I do need to know where I've been. I need to recognize the immaturity that I had because it got me through my growing up to the place where I am now. A person who does chuva, that's all of us, right? If we've changed, we're trying to be better, moving into a new space. But I have to remember that Hashem, Hashem carried me through the the immaturity where I was. I I I did wrong, right? But Hashem didn't give up on me at that point. Hashem was patient with me, right? And Hashem atoned for me. And the reason that he did that is so that I could get to my current stage, my current state. And it's true that what I'm doing now, when I've changed, when I'm becoming better, it atones for the mistakes that I made in the past. At the same time, I need to know. And if I do not remember the past without regret for the past, I'm missing something in my atonement. It comes out. It comes out the rashashana is a powerful light shining on the person to be able to start a new to start a new life to have a new relationship with Hashem and as a result of that I'm going to be different then I am I'm going to change really talks about my current state and how things are going to be from now on but they're not really it's not really addressing what happened until now. Interestingly, and that's so rash is the light. It's a it's a light for now. It's a light for the future is a salvation. It's a saving because being saved means I'm being saved from the situation that is in the past. the the situation of sin. A person recognizes that even though now I've grown up, I've matured. If I don't clean up the past, my my past can come back to haunt me. I got to make sure that I regret the past. recognize that even though I'm changing things now, that hasn't necessarily if I if from now on I act nicer to my wife and my children. I don't get so upset at them. But I still have to apologize for the times that I messed up, times that I wasn't so patient, the times that I got upset. I have to change for the future. Yes. But I also have to show that I regret the past. Because if I don't do that, so it can affect the future. And I would say it could affect the future because it could come back to haunt me. People can still be upset at me because it if I haven't apologized or come back to haunt me, I need to sometimes subconsciously I'll do it again because I still feel guilty about the past. Whereas is really for the present moment, my relationship with Hashem from now on is about my entire life all the way since I was born from now and on into the future. I I I look honestly at myself and I see the mistakes that I've made and I learn the lessons of life. I regret that which I've done wrong. I learn from where I've stumbled. And yum kiper also serves to help me make the decision to to make a new life for myself to grow up to be more mature to become greater to let go of the past and to create a new future founded on my relationship with Hashem. So that's the order of things. First we have rash which is the light and then we have yipper which is a proper regret founded on a relationship with hashem founded on the light. first the positivity and then looking carefully at the mistakes that we've made that's Shashiva sets it up like to share with you something to work on something active and it's a very simple thing it's a very simple thing and I just read about it last week and I wanted to share with you and this is the simple thing it's a little notebook and it's a pen okay and in this little notebook. This is not about beating myself up. This is not about uh being negative. In fact, it's about being honest and positive and just noticing the mistakes that I'm making and the mistakes I'm not making. Just noticing. noticing let's say one of I I'll admit something that's true sometimes I don't answer my phone sometimes my phone rings I don't answer it right but I recognize that that's something that could be a little better that could be a little better in that area I'm just writing it down I'm just noticing it I didn't answer my phone or something positive I listen to a shear something positive I didn't look at the news even though I wanted to writing it down. Where did I get this from? Madam from the which I'm listening to from so he brings in the notes here had a little ledger. He would write down his spiritual uh accounting. He had it written down in front of him so he could always look at his ledger, see how he's doing. How am I doing today? How did I do today? This in his eyes was just a regular natural thing. elementary. He didn't understand why people generally didn't do this elementary type of thing. Every storekeeper which was also every storekeeper keeps a record of which is the merchandise that's that's selling well which is the merchandise that's not. You don't keep buying the merchandise that's not selling and that's how you lose money. keep buying the things that people want. And so I'm not going to keep reading because I'm running out of time here, but just a suggestion and I invite you to to take it on. Could be private. You could do it with other people. A little thing, a little notebook. I noticed inside of myself, I didn't do something that I wish I would have done or I did do something that I wanted to do and myara got me or my isara didn't get me. Just writing it down. I and I put a little minus in front of the things that I wasn't proud of. I put a little plus in front of the things that I was proud of. And just being conscious of it is a powerful tool and it can change our and maybe you'll decide that you want to continue doing it after that as well. I want to bless you. I ask you to bless me. We should have should be written in the book of life. We should all merit to have a beautiful and and productive spiritual year with Hashem as our light and with all of our regrets properly removing the mistakes that we've made. Thank you so much for listening. Have a wonderful Shabas and a wonderful Yantiff. This podcast was made possible through the gracious donations of listeners like you. For more podcasts like this, please visit www.rigoldwag.com arioldwag.com or search on iTunes Ari Goldwag.