Shemos - Clear Boundaries

you're listening to the weekly partial podcast with ari goldwag recorded with hashem's neverending assistance in roma israel 5782 2021. this expression is partially mostly beginning a brand new safer of the torah we walk into exile with the jewish people into egypt into the darkness of egypt and of course the darkness is a setup for the great light as the jewish people are released from their bondage and will go on to receive the torah to enter arts israel to land to land of israel and the parsha begins whenever we have beginnings we have to understand that the foundation is within the beginning when we understand what happens in the very beginning we understand the entire all of that that follows all of that which follows and we start with the illusions these are the names of the children of israel who came down to egypt yaakov they came along with yaakov each person with his family came along okay so i'd like to show you a measure it's a very long message i'm not going to read the entire piece but i will read a significant section of it it's the first magician our parsha in our safer in particular and it talks about what was the power of yaakov what was the power of the shivatim what was what was it that gave him what was the secret of their longevity was the secret of the power of the jewish people that till today we speak about the avoids we speak about the patriarchs of the jewish people as if they are still here with us as if these stories happened just yesterday even though these stories happened 3000 over 3 500 years ago 3 800 years ago what is the power what was the greatness of the voice what did they become to their children and what are we as their great-grandchildren supposed to learn from them so that we can continue this glorious chain of the jewish people which god promises will be for all time so the message teaches us something which it's not so it's not going to be something that we're typically hearing about child rearing in our times because there's a very soft approach today to child rearing and the results we can see the results in the western world of the soft approach which has very soft boundaries has very weak uh commitments very weak rules and as a result we see all of the problems within the western world all of the liberalism all of the breakdown of the family all these problems come because a lack of clear boundaries a lack of enforcement of rules the majority tells us that the power of yaakov and the power of the shwatem and the reason that they were able to survive this intense gullus 210 years in egypt brutal slavery very difficult times in many senses of the word as the as absukum speak about they're able to transcend that because of their innate ability to stick to their boundaries to stick to their principles and to give that over to their children i'd like to share that with you how the measure speaks to this idea it's very powerful very important this is what the verse means when it says it's in michelle in proverbs chapter 13 so we know the famous line spear the rod spoil the child if we don't have clear boundaries we don't have clear punishments sometimes our children need to know that there are boundaries and and consequences or they're going to learn the hard way in real life a person who doesn't you know spear the rod spoil the child is the literal translation as it's colloquially explained but but the more accurate translation is shifted if a person doesn't have the correct way of expressing boundaries with it with his child so that's an expression of hatred towards one's child a person who loves his child is not afraid to give that child muscle to give that child direction to give that child strong boundaries tells us that if we look around the world and we look at the way the people interact with each other if i would hear that someone struck my child that someone abused or hurt my child so i would find the person who did that and i would exact vengeance upon that person so this positive seems to be saying the opposite it seems to be saying a person who loves his child is going to strike the child who's going to give a serious punishment when the child does something wrong that doesn't sound like the natural love of a father a father cares about the child the father is willing to stand up for the child because anyone else strikes him so why is the major why is the possibility the wisest of all men king solomon in michelle in proverbs why is he telling us that a person who loves his child needs to strike his child what is the idea teaching of king salman is teaching us that if i don't lay down very clear and enforceable rules and and boundaries and consequences for my child if i don't have that strong sometimes it needs to i don't want to use the word ruthless because that sounds very bad but i need to have a certain you know that clear boundary that clear that clear ability to to the child knows that they're going to have a consequence a serious consequence if they cross the lines so if i don't do that so in the end i'm going to i cause my child to to devolve to to to go down from being who he could be from from the greatness that he could be and i'm going to end up hating my child she came and seen the ishmael the message brings us a number of proofs to this idea i'm not going to read them all because there's not enough time for them all but we'll at least read one if not two messengers we find that ishmael the son of abraham abraham our forefather ishmael his father his father loved him adam loved loved ishmael so much believe it oh but avraham says the madrish did not give him proper he did not give him the proper boundaries and what was the result he went and he went off the proper path in the end he ended up hating him avraham avinu ended up hating his son yeshmal because he had done such terrible things but he'd see me basically rake him and he sent him out of his house with nothing avram was extremely rich he had tons of money tons of animals and servants etc but avraham sent him out with nothing ishmael what's the story so the message goes into it he tells us like this is idolatry was one of the one of the forms of worship in those times still you can find it still today in certain places in the world but it was extremely extremely uh something that was done a lot it was extremely common so ishmael brought it back and he was mensah but he he was using this idolatry in a certain way there was a certain way of getting involved in it and he was serving it had as he had seen from others me ava teresa's ben hagar means sociology sarah sarah saw this she saw that this you know she had been the one who had encouraged her her husband to marry hugger she had been the one who had said maybe i'll have a child from from hugger but this child was not going in the way in the correct way he was involved with idolatry that's the masaka means to to laugh or to do things in a light in a light-hearted manner but in a negative manner so what is the idea of mitsuko we find this lush in this language of of joking is used in regards to idolatry says in regards to the golden calf the jewish people got up with sake to to laugh [Music] at so immediately she says to avraham get rid of him get rid of her you have to push them out because sarah was afraid that that yitzhak who was already born would learn from ishmael these these negative patterns these negative habits so the next part of the verse we misunderstand and we think that it means that avraham was very upset about the idea of having to send out his child but the message tells us that's not what it means that the anger that he felt or the the evil eye of a yeah it seemed very bad in his eyes what it what was it that seemed bad al shayat it was that ishmael had gone and done such terrible things he had left the path of avraham avinu he had left the the straight and narrow so we see from this verse that what happens what happens is there's an obligation sorry what happens is that when a person when a person sees their child doing something wrong so they end up in a state of negativity towards the child like god says to avraham don't be upset about this we see that avraham didn't he he didn't have the perception that sarah had sarah was the one who was able to see with her prophecy with her divine inspiration that something was going on with ishmael but abram himself didn't perceive this so hashem said don't be upset don't be upset about the fact that you didn't get this you didn't notice it sora noticed it is so he also what was the result the result was that he sent them out just like we saw that this is a general principle that a person if they don't give the proper boundaries to their children they're going to end up in a state where the child goes off the the proper path and they're going to end up in a state of of anger towards their child and what was what's the reason for it it's because as we saw avram did not give the proper hydra the proper direction to the child didn't give the proper boundaries to the child and the result was that his son ended up going off the path and he ended up hating his son and sending him out with nothing everyone was very rich sent him out with nothing melio scifi what was in the end kisha garcia yoshi we purchased him sabrius tells us that that what was the end of ishmael you smile in the end of the matter ended up being somebody who would sit in in and lie and wait for those coming along on the path and he would steal from people as the verse tells us he was a para adam he was a wild man the other bar called his hands were in everything so what was the reason why what was the reason why because the boundaries weren't clear because the boundaries weren't clear avram didn't catch the problems before it happened he didn't create the proper boundaries for his son and the result was that ishmael became somebody who went off the path and it's true about ishmael measure says that it was true about asav he also wasn't given the proper guidance he wasn't given the proper the proper boundaries why he wasn't giving the muscle he wasn't told off or doing what was wrong he didn't have the repercussions the consequences for what he did wrong why because he tricked he tricked his father so he didn't realize what was going on with aesop [Music] mr also brings an example of when he came to absalom he also was the son who came and he was maribel malchus he was trying to kill his own father absalom why did it happen since it also happened because of a lack of proper boundaries a lack of proper muscle now this is such an important idea it's so essential of our children in the teaching of our children that we need to know that it's nice to to be liked by our children of course that's what we want in our society it encourages us to have no boundaries if a parent brings any consequences upon the child they can be called a child abuser of course this requires a tremendous amount of balance and corporal punishment if used needs to be used sparingly but the idea is if and and this is something that we hear about in life people who don't have proper boundaries they end up in a rehab center they end up in a place where in the rehab center so the boundaries are very strong and very clear uh recently i was told by somebody who for hashem the child was in a rehab center but i was told by somebody that in this particular place if a person spits on the floor they have to get around their neck they have to have a a chain with a cup and for the rest of the day they they need to walk around with that and spit in the cup learn your lesson how disgusting it is to spit on the floor right but if the boundaries aren't clear so then the result is tarbosaro that a person becomes destroyed look at the look we can look at the culture the western culture and the in europe in the states and we can see the result of poor boundaries the boundaries are have been thrown by the wayside and the result is mass amounts of stealing if you get sent to jail you can get out without bail it just encourages people to continue to do the wrong things and that's the situation now as a result of that we got to listen to this message because let's read the end of the madrish because the message tells us that this was not only true of avram of you know avraham avinu was wrong unfortunately and i wouldn't say if the measures didn't say it but was not able to give the proper muscle to yeast to ishmael didn't do it with asaf but yaakov avinu jacob was somebody who all of his children indeed had the proper path they stayed on the proper path all 12 of his sons were the foundation of the jewish people israel these are the names of the children of israel they were able to remain on the path why as we saw in last week's parsha yaakov avinu was unabashed when it came to giving muslim to to shimon and levy even though it was the end of his life and we also saw it when when it came to the what happened in shechem he immediately gave the muslim he gave him takaha for the way that they behaved [Music] let's see this inside the af yakov or vino yes so they did give the proper takafas they did give them the proper boundaries yaakov saturn in the yeshiva of his father and he learned he learned the boundaries of the torah he learned the boundaries of what's right and because of that he was able to to remain on the straight and narrow the af yaakov also did this he gave the proper guidance to children he he told them off when it was necessary he gave them that moosa rida he gave them that he didn't spare the rod and the result was that they didn't there wasn't any one of the children of yaakov who ended up like an asap or like ishmael right they all came from sadiq they were all the same they were all the same they all had this aspect of citrus of righteousness that if a person wants to love his children a person wants to have the continued ability to love his children so it's essential that from a young age the boundaries are clear a child is not allowed to speak back to a parent a child is not allowed to defy a parent a four-year-old child does not have a right to to speak in a negative way a ten-year-old child or a seventeen year old child does not have a right to yell at their parent it doesn't have a right to contradict their parent this i didn't make up it says it in the torah this is the way that it is and when we as parents we have an obligation when we don't enforce what the tyre says when we don't say that that's unacceptable behavior make it so clear from a young age we're opening up our children to not have clear boundaries to not have proper respect for authority to not have proper respect for us not in so far as us not in so far as our own honor but insofar as having honor for anyone who's a in a position of authority the western culture all around us wants us to defy authority to make the authority into pathetic pathetic leaders who don't have any power of leadership because there's no respect from beneath them and what is the result you can you can we can read all about the results in today's news what's going on in america today with with leadership today what is the antidote what is the correction for it the majesty is telling us that the reason that all 12 sons of yaakov avinu and henceforth the jewish people were founded on these twelve sons of yaakov the twelve shivatim the shift the the tribes of the the people of israel what was it founded on how are they able to withstand the travails and the difficulties of this culture of mitzrayim this culture which wanted to suck them in and destroy them it was because they held on to their ability to have boundaries because they'll tell us it's not in this magic but it's a famous idea they held on to their names and their culture their their language they held on to these things they had they had certain boundaries that they were able to maintain within themselves the unique character of the jewish people it's only possible it's only possible to maintain that character if we have clear boundaries we need for ourselves boundaries as an earth shiva says all the time you know if our children don't see us saying no to ourselves they're not going to listen to us when we say no to them we need to have boundaries for ourselves we need to have so many places that we say no to ourselves no i don't i don't need to be on my computer all the time no i don't need to be on my phone all the time when i'm with you my child i'm completely with you i say no to myself time to get up in the morning i get up i go to davenchakras i have commitments i keep those commitments i say no to the things that have come up but are you know in the moment more important at least for the moment they seem to be i'm able to say no to those things if i can say no to myself if i can give myself muster and sometimes i give in and i need to be master myself to get upset at myself sometimes i need to get upset on my children sometimes they need to know that there are boundaries and if they cost across the boundaries they have violated the principles of interpersonal relationships and they need to know that because when they get out into life they're going to have to face off with these things they're going to learn it the hard way we need to teach it to them young we need to teach it to them immediately we need to teach them as soon as that first voice comes up and says i'm not listening we need to be tough tough love sometimes not sometimes often is required and the message is teaching us based on this puzzling michele if we don't give the proper boundaries to our children the result is going to be that we'll end up hating our children in the end of course we always love our kids we always love our children but we're going to end up in a situation where we regret that our children have not gone in the correct path this is a powerful lesson illusion might have been israel this is the foundation of how the jew survives in gullus how do we survive in this culture this western culture which is is going to destroy itself and wants to destroy us along with it the only way is to have the clear boundaries to enforce the clear boundaries for ourselves for our children and to continue in this way until indeed the goya mushroom is the goyal he's the redeemer when he comes at that time for in our times it will be somebody named we'll find out his name when he arrives but the only way to get to that point is to continue to maintain these these boundaries you know i'm just thinking you know it's amazing when it comes to the people who have no boundaries when it comes to the coronavirus so they're very good at keeping the boundaries in certain places everyone's wearing their masks and their and their social distancing and you know when it comes to something which we feel our life is threatened by we feel like we could die so then the boundaries all of a sudden become very important it's very clear those boundaries are very clear the magician is teaching us that this is our life that's at stake the life of our children the eternal life of the jewish people is at stake when we don't have clear boundaries we don't push back against the culture around us it's it's a danger it's a tremendous danger it's a mortal danger we need to take it seriously i want to bless you and ask you to bless me hashem should help us to be able to develop clear boundaries for ourselves for our children be able to enforce those boundaries of course with balance of course with balance right because i'll say pull in push away with the left hand and pull in with the right hand the left hand is the weak hand the the enforcement always has to be the the love has to be much greater than the enforcement hashem should bless us to be able to have that clear balance and to be able to do the things so that our children will be loved by us and be loved to acco desparcu and we love to all those around them because of their respect for the boundaries that we have set down and for the boundaries of others thank you so much for listening have a wonderful show miss this podcast was made possible through the gracious donations of listeners like you for more podcasts like this please visit www.arigoldway or search on itunes ari goldwag [Music]