Ki Sisa - Learning to Wait

You're listening to the weekly para podcast recorded with Hashem's never- ending assistance in Ramabes Israel 5775 2015. This week's para is para's kisa and the event of this week's para the event that everyone is speaking about and the event that has cataclysmic repercussions for all time is the event of the misael the the sin of the golden calf. And as we read this story, we wonder, we wonder, how could this happen? It's only 40 days since the Jewish people heard God's voice at Mount Si. One and a half million people altogether heard God's voice speak. And God says, and God said, "I am Hashem, your God, who took you out of Egypt, and you shall have no other gods with a lowercase G. There should be no other gods in front of me. I am the only God that there is. So we read this and we wonder how could it be that this happens this sin occurs so quickly after they heard that voice of God. And also it's interesting what is the a what was the sin? What did it center around? How does it begin? The Torah tells us that it begins because they counted 40 days from the time that Moshe Moses had gone up on the mountain and the 40 days had elapsed. They knew that that he said he was going to be there for 40 days. The 40 days had elapsed and it didn't look like Moshe was coming down. This is what the verse says in chapter 32:1. The nations saw that Moshe had not yet come down from the mountain. So they came in front of Aaron and they said to him, "Set up for us a god that will go in front of us, who will lead us, etc." Moshe, where is he? As the verse says, because this person Moses who took us out of Egypt, we don't know what happened to him. It's very remarkable. It's it's like Hashem had said, I am Hashem, your God who took you out of Egypt. You can see already here the beginnings of the mistake is that they're thinking that Moses was the one, even though he was the Schliach, he was indeed God's agent, but he wasn't the one that brought brought the Jewish people out of Egypt. It was Hashem with his very own power clearly bringing the Jewish people out of Egypt. But already they made this mistake to think of it to look at the Shia to look at the the one who's in the middle the the agent instead of looking at the one who sent that agent. But not just focusing on that point, focusing a little bit broader, looking at what they're saying. They're saying he's not here. He hasn't come. He's late. He's late. And you know when Moshe says something and if we we can think back to to the way it was in mit when he was talking about timing. So he said that it's going to be it's going to be at midnight. He knew exactly when the times were. So if we think about it, if Mosha says he's going to be back in 40 days and he's not back on the button, he's not back exactly when he said he's going to return. The Jewish people start to get upset and they say, "Hey, he's gone and he's not coming back. So we need a new leader. We need someone else to to take his place. We need a new representative of God, a new, a new agent. And this was the beginning of their mistake. This is the beginning of the sin. And it resulted in this creation of the golden calf. As a result of that, they lost their state of being like Adam before the sin where they would live forever and they would have an intense relationship with Hashem. Instead, they lost that and they were almost they were almost destroyed. Hashem said he wants to destroy the Jewish people. Now, I just want to focus on and and think about the fact that the Jewish people couldn't wait. They couldn't wait. There was an impatience. And that impatience resulted in this great sin, the sin of the golden calf. Now, we know that this sin is a is a parallel. It parallels the sin of Harish. The first man also, he lost his state of being. He lost that state of perfection, of being able to live forever, of being perfect. He lost that as well. How did he lose it? He lost it because Hashem said, "Please eat from all of the trees in the Gan. Eat from all of the trees in the garden, but don't eat from this tree. Don't eat from the the tree of knowledge of good and evil. Don't bring things into a state of confusion." Now our kazal tell us our sages tell us that this is this prohibition from eating from this tree was something which was only the sha it was only for a time. It was going to be if he would just complete the day that Friday it was an shabas if he would have just gone through the day and listened to the command of hashem and not eaten from the tree. So he would have been able indeed if he had gone into shabas if he would have gotten to shabas he would have been permitted to eat from that tree. So there was an impatience in other marish. No I want to eat from this tree now. No I want to see what it tastes like now. I want to I want to I want it now. I want that I want that fruit now. Clarel also made the same mistake of impatience. They couldn't wait. They couldn't wait. Misha is supposed to be already. he's not here. We need someone else to be here to guide us, to lead us, to be God's agent, to be the one who's going to to bring God's will, to guide us. Now, the question is, why indeed does Hashem place Adam Harishan, the first man, Kalis, the Jewish people, when they've returned to the state of Adharish, the first man? Why does Hashem place a stumbling block in front of them? Why is the Nissan the challenge? Why is that nision about patience about waiting? What is the significance of the idea the concept of waiting? Why couldn't they wait? And why was it necessary that they wait? Also, in thinking about Mosher and Moses, why was he up there for 40 days and 40 nights? Why was he there on Mount Si learning and studying the Torah? Why didn't why did it require 40 days and 40 nights? You know, Mosha Raenu, he's learning all of the entire Torah, which takes a person a lifetime to study, right? So, Mosha is learning the entire Torah. He's going to have 40 days. I mean, it's impossible to learn the entire Torah in 40 days. So, what's he doing? It's obviously miraculous as I mean the speak about the fact that he was studying and he would forget. He would study, he would forget, he would study, he would forget until finally after 40 days, Hashem gives it to him as a matana and gives it to him as a gift. So if anyway it's going to take these 40 days and he's not even going to get it and in the end he's going to even get a gift. Why doesn't Hashem just say you know just give him the gift come up for a few minutes I'll give you the Tyra. I'll give you the whole idea the knowledge. I'm going to give it to you as a gift. You're going to know everything you need to know. Here's the kernel or the the the the information itself. Plant it inside of his mind. Let him come down and teach the Jewish people. Why is it necessary to take 40 days from to to study the Torah to learn the Torah especially in light of the fact that he forgets it and in the end anyway it's a gift also to to to bring this question to another level we see that when Mosher Rabenu is asking for the forgiveness of the Jewish people it's not just an overnight or or an instant thing that he all of a sudden Mosher gets the forgiveness for the Jewish people no he comes he comes down from the mountain they have sinned so he goes through this whole process of there there 3,000 people that have to be killed as a result of the sin. But Mosha Rab goes back onto Hari for 40 days and 40 nights and he prays on behalf of the Jewish people. And then he comes back down. He goes back up again for another 40 days and another 40 nights. And indeed another 80 days later, which brings us all the way to Yumkipper, which brings us to to the high holidays already, you know, in Tish the in the in the fall. So Mosher Rabenu has gone through this whole thing for 40 days and 40 nights. Another set of 40 days and 40 nights. And finally, Hashem says, I forgive them based on the way that you have all based on your words. Now 40 days and 40 nights he's arguing with God. Please forgive the Jewish people. I mean if you read this week's para it seems pretty clear. Mosha says his thing. You can't you can't just kill them. It will look really bad for you. It will look bad for the Jewish people. God took them out. You know he took them out of Egypt but he couldn't really bring them into the land of Israel. He says his whole case against God so to speak. You know God wants to destroy them. Moshe says don't destroy them. It's very clear Hashem says, "Okay, I won't destroy them." But so that's that's a two-minute argument. It's a two-minute conversation, right? What does he need 40 days and another set of 40 days before Hashem is going to forgive the Jewish people? What's all this waiting about? What is the spiritual power? Let's say, if we could phrase it this way, what is the spiritual power of waiting? What does it accomplish? How does it work? Why is it necessary? So in thinking about this what we need to realize we need to understand is that Hashem when he created the human being when he created mankind so Hashem created us because he wants to have a being which perceives itself as separate from God perceives itself as separate from Hashem and at the same time Hashem wants us to feel separate and then to come into a relationship with him and realize that we're not really separate and experience the goodness the intense and spirituality of of the light of Hashem of coming into oneness with Hashem. That could be the foundation if if we could give kind of a oneline explanation for all of reality. That is, as the Ram Khal explains it, that's the the the real explanation of why we're here. Now, in order for us to be separate from Hashem, so that ultimately we can come into a true relationship with Hashem and experience the goodness and the the intense spirituality of having relationship with Hashem. So, we need to feel separate. We need to start off with something called an ego. The ego is the piece of us is the the makava, the thinking within our minds that we are separate. the perception of ourselves as separate from God, separate from others, separate even within ourselves. There's a piece of ourselves, the the call it the subconscious or the animal aspect of the human being that perceives itself as separate. It's like I have to convince myself to do something or I have to I'm upset at myself. Who's me? Who's myself? That's the ego aspect of the human being. So there's a separation and there's this ego and the ultimate purpose of the ego is that it be burned up and that it that it disappear in oneness that it that it that we come into a state of a realization of the fact that yes, Hashem created us with a separateness but ultimately the purpose of that separateness is so that we should come into a relationship and no longer be separate. So all of reality, the mitzvah, all the commandments in the Tyra, all of the different things that we experience, whether it's yurin, the challenges, the difficulties that we encounter in life, all the different things that happen in life are all there in order for us to lose our ego, for the ego to be burned away in order that we come ultimately into a relationship with Hashem. One of the ways, as we said, one of the ways of coming into a relationship with with Hashem, giving up that ego, giving up that separateness is by choosing to fulfill the mitzvah f to fulfill the commandments. Whenever I do the will of Hashem, whenever I give up my will in order to do Hashem's will. So, I'm I'm letting go of my ego, I'm allowing my ego to be burned up and I'm coming into a relationship with Hashem. There are many different ways. There are many different, you know, aspects of how we get into a relationship with Hashem and how our ego is burned off, so to speak. But one of them is the idea of waiting. And that's the the the concept here. Hashem wants us sometimes to wait. The human being in his ego, you know, I want things now. I want what I want and I want it now. That's the natural state of the human being. You know, it's easiest to see, it's easiest to perceive in our children. We look at our kids, you know, they want something. A child of 2 years old doesn't really have the ability to understand that sometimes they need to wait for something. I want attention, but mommy's on the phone. No, I want my attention. I want it now. Respond to my question. Respond to my needs. Give me what? That's child. That's the natural childlike, you know, way of dealing with things. And the child will get upset and angry. Give me attention. Give me what I need. That's you know and as we grow up as we become adults we start to realize that in order to to get things sometimes the things that we want require that we need to wait and there's a process and that's part of reality the process is spiritual you know the human being I don't want to wait I want the results I want the fruits now I want the fruits I don't want to go through the process of planting the seeds and then watching the tree grow and then waiting for the flowers to blossom and then for it to be fertilized etc. I don't want to go through the process. I want the fruits now. I want to walk into the store and I'll be a be able to buy those fruits. Comes a year like just, you know, I'm just thinking about the present moment. You know, it comes a year like Shmita and you walk into the store, you can't just buy whatever you want. And if you're living in Israel, if you live in Israel, it's a year of the the land has to lieow. If you buy stuff, it has to be certain types of stuff. And if it has kadesh, if it has holiness, you can't just you can't just treat it like you treat everything else. There's a process. There's a pause. Wait, don't just eat whatever you want. Is there a kosher symbol on this item? I have to think about it. I have to pause. I have to go through a process. And the kosher symbol indicates that there was a process that was taken to to affirm to make sure that everything was done. Everything was done according to Jewish law. All of the mitzvah they serve, all the commandments serve to help us to pause, to give up our ego. I'm not just going to eat whatever I feel like. I'm going to eat whatever God says is appropriate. I'm going to eat whatever Hashem says, you know, whatever the the the food that's gone through this process, the the process, you know. So, that's the idea of waiting. The idea of waiting is putting the pause putting the pause on this ego that says, "I want it now. I want what I want and I want it now." I just had an experience with my 2-year-old today. Uh, I had I had said to my kid that I'm going to, you know, she was I would put her down for a I said, "Go lie down for a nap and I'm going to bring you a bottle so that you can uh drink your milk." And um she didn't lie down for a nap. So, I thought that meant that she didn't want her bottle. A few minutes later, she came into the room where I was and she looked at me and she all of a sudden got really upset and she started yelling. I said, "What's wrong? What's wrong? I don't know what's wrong." And then what we did was we we said to my wife you switch the topic for her. So we started to read her a book distracted her read to her something about clowns. And then after she had been distracted after there was a pause and that upset that was in her that she couldn't control was paused. Then we said, "What's wrong? Is it because we didn't bring you the milk?" And she said, "Yes." So the the idea here is that sometimes there there's a moment there's a moment of truth and that's what happens with Israel. Kalisrael is waiting for Mosha to come down. They're waiting and they're waiting patiently 40 days and 40 nights. They've waited this whole time and now Hashem says, you know, you got to keep waiting. There's a moment of of challenge that there's a moment of truth. Comes that moment of truth. Can you keep waiting when you think it's time, but it's not really yet the time? You miscalculated. Can you keep waiting? Now, in order to have a true relationship, you need to wait. Sometimes we want something. We We want to have a relationship with our spouse. We want to have a relationship with our child. And all of a sudden, at the moment of truth, the defenses come up. Something comes up. Why does that happen? Because there's a test. And this is something that happens on its own. We don't even think about it as human beings. This is just way Hashem has programmed us. God programmed us this way. We want to see if I put you to the test. If I make it that you can't just have what you want. I play hard to get sometimes. A child does this. A spouse does this. A friend does this. We play hard to get sometimes. What is what's that all about? It's a question. If you really love me, are you willing to wait? If you really love me, if you really value our relationship, are you willing to wait? And that's what Hashem is saying right here. Hashem is saying, "Yes, you want the fruits of the relationship. Musha is about to come down with alis. He's about to come down with these tablets upon which are inscribed everything about the relationship between God and the Jewish people. That relationship is about to be consummated. And Hashem says, "Are you willing to wait a moment? Are you willing to wait? You think it's now. You think the moment of truth is now. It's not now. Wait another day. Can you wait another day?" When you wait the waiting, and this is the the the bottom line, the crux of it. This is the point. When you wait, you build spiritual energy. You build spiritual power. You you let go of your ego. And when you wait at the last moment, I want that relationship even. I want the fruits. I want that relationship. It's really about relationship. I can't have the relationship the last moment. I need to pause. I need to wait. That's also why we find that it speaks about the fact that when Messiah comes right before the Messiah arrives, there's there's a there's a moment where there's a pause. There's a break in thinking. Messiah can't arrive until we stop. We you know, we want Messiah. We want the Messiah to come. We're doing all these things to bring Messiah. But there's a moment where Hashem says, "Stop doing anything. Don't do anything. Don't move. Don't act. Hashem says to him, "You want to eat from this fruit, from this tree, and you will eat from it, but just wait." Obviously, there's something extremely spiritually powerful about the and but eating it before it's time, trying to get that fruit, trying to get the fruit of the relationship, before you've gone through the process of the relationship, before you've waited. You can't have that relationship until you wait. And the waiting serves just like Yesurin just like a person who goes through difficulties the experience of that person if he approaches it correctly the experiences of burning off of ego if there's a recognition that this is from God I don't know why but God is giving me this challenge in the recognition and in the waiting in the in the difficulty in the challenge there's a burning off of ego when I wait for my child when I wait for my spouse when I wait for my friend when I'm willing to wait for Hashem to show that he's there. It's like, I want you, God. I want to see you. I want I want to I want to have a real relationship with you, God. When I wait for that relationship to happen, I let go of my ego. And that creates incredible spiritual power such that I can finally come into a true and real relationship. not a grabby, needy, codependent relationship with God or with my spouse or with my child, but rather I come into a true relationship where I've given up my needs and suddenly I found that I have what I need. Now I want to bless you and Hashem should bless all of us. Please bless me back. Hashem should help us to be able to get our needs, to be able to get that relationship that we so desire, whether it's with God or with our spouses or with our children, with our friends, with our communities. Hashem should help us to be able to wait and to recognize that in the waiting is incredible power. In the waiting, we build spiritual energy. The more we wait, the more we've given up that self, that selfishness that which prevents us from coming into a true relationship. And by doing so, by waiting, by pausing, by letting go of that ego, so then we will merit, Hashem should help us to merit that true relationship with him, with all those around us. Thank you so much for listening. Have a wonderful Shabas. This podcast was made possible through the gracious donations of listeners like you. For more podcasts like this, please visit www.rigoldwag.com or search on iTunes Arri Goldwag.