The Struggle of Identity

And then I said that an expression which for me was Chinese the first time since the age of maybe 12. Know what I feel? I feel I hate said I feel I hate you. I starting like I was I remember I like what is this? Where is it coming from? And I started saying things I know it's it's like a was open all the things I was like 10 minutes coming out and then saying okay got it. I know Torres M Shabas I know this but I feel I understand I have a Jewish brain and a goish heart. Wow. And as I said this I cracked crying never till then and from then I'm like this 20 minutes of crying understanding what's going on. My head is here. My body is here. My heart is on the streets. Messed up. Started saying, "Please give me back my heart. I can't fix it. I can't. Give me back my Jewish heart. I can't fix it. I'm going to do everything you said cuz you said so. No conditions. I'm going to do I'm a soldier. I'm your soldier. Everything. Why? Because you said so." This is one thing. Please. I was crying for like 20 minutes. H I think every needs such a 20 minutes it's so that was a pivotal moment I'm going out I went out already understanding start emotional work start learning your emotions start understanding where you messed up and stuck start learning and from then till day.