I SAVED 12 LIVES at 9/11 /therapy/trauma/system #whatapod EP. 10 | RABBI EZRA MAX

This was the most ADD conversation I had in my life. People are way messed up ever since psychology has entered the world. >> You saved your life by putting on film. 12 people's lives by putting on film that morning. >> Why is everybody stuck on trauma? Trauma, trauma, trauma, trauma. The bump was Mac who farmers, cousins didn't care what color shirt they had. >> THE GUY WHO MADE ME SNAP, HE DOESN'T REALIZE. He doesn't know that he made me snap. >> They don't know what I was doing. I don't know why I was here. I don't know. I was lost. >> The thing that prevents us from getting community is the community. If you're going to allow pink t-shirts in the community, follow most of this. >> I disagree. You know why? Cuz I grew up in a system a different system than you. >> Yeah. That was like two tears and you were silent and that was our first >> that was the hello. That was a show my life. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> Could somebody get used to living their whole life with a certain capability and suddenly they don't have a capability? >> I thought so that somebody loses a leg now by the war. A lot of people lost legs. >> Sure. >> They get used to it at some point. No, >> but there's always a time where they remember where the leg was there and the leg is now not there. >> Yes. >> You didn't realize that you have a gift until you lost it. >> No, this gift I know that I have. >> Okay. >> And I am leaning into what is the gift of not having it? What is the gift of tunnel vision? In my training with Dr. Peter Lavine who's the the guy who invented or came up with this thing called sematic therapy sematic healing he pointed out that some of the anesthetics that they use anesthesia drugs are what they call procedural me they they get involved where your your brain starts processing memories and if you wake up during surgery it's very hard to help people recover from that because it's like it's inside the the main frame of the computer of the brain. So I come back to his chair after the test and he calls in his assistant and somebody else and he tells them to recalibrate the machine, take one of the nurses and run this test. And I just squinted at him. >> You freaked out? >> Nope. >> Then the technician comes back and he's showing him some results and he tells me, you know something, try it without contrast and do it in black and white. I said, okay, there's a problem with my scan. I've been going to specialist after specialist after specialist more to know that I made my hishad list to get the best medical treatment I could get. It's not wow. It is very off-putting, very very disconcerning, very very strange to be in a dreamlike state, paralyzed, you're taped down, you're stuck, and you see the ceiling fan in the O going and the lights flicker every time. Lights on, lights off, lights on, lights off. And you're not really awake. You're like in a half awake, half asleep, almost like a nightmare. and you're trying to speak. The words don't come. >> Wow. >> And I started moving my hands and uh I don't know who somebody grabbed my somebody grabbed my hand and like reassured my hand and then they just pumped more drugs and I was back alcohol. But I remember waking up >> and I sometimes if I'm in a room with a ceiling fan now, not so much, but for two years afterwards and there's a ceiling fan and a light all of a sudden I'd be back on that table. My body didn't know the difference. We could talk all about triggers and trauma and how this all comes together. >> One second. One second. We did not plan to speak about uh uh uh medical any of this. >> We didn't you didn't come here to discuss medical stuff at all. >> Not even on the table. >> Sitting down. You just mentioned something. So let's give two two backgrounds we owe any viewer. >> One is what kind of surgery are you talking about and when did it happen and why? >> Okay. >> And before that, who is Rabbi Ezra Max? How do we introduce you? I think that that's probably it. So, we started with like a very add- like conversation. >> Yes. I love that. >> But now we we >> fell in somewhere. >> We're like, what? Walter, how long are we in already? >> Uh, 8 minutes. >> 8 minutes and we could tell them who you are. >> Okay. I if you whoever doesn't know >> if you could tell them who I who I am. >> Yes. >> And and what I'm up to, then I'm going to say thank you at the end cuz I'll finally know. >> I I don't think with you I figured it out. >> I don't think so. You have too many titles. I maybe we shouldn't use titles. I'm I don't even like titles so much. And it's true. I do have a lot of titles. >> I don't have any title. >> Well, right now you're the host of this water. >> Yeah, I don't mind being a host. >> There you go. You're a host. You're a good host. >> Thank you. I'll take that. So, I'm going to I can I say where I met you first time? >> You could, but let's go back. So, you asked me the surgery. You want to talk about that? You want to talk about who I am? It doesn't matter. The surgery is who you are and then what happened? How did you get >> So, we're doing a AK and Risha and Val. I think so. Perfect. It's just it's not like the Mishna tells us in Pyovas. >> Okay. >> And I'm a fan of Perky. A big fan. But it's okay. >> Listen, if you feel more comfortable going that route, go that route. >> I'm comfortable wherever you go. You asked me. You made a request of me. >> Yes. >> You made a request of me. The request was >> come to the show and just let's have a open honest I think we said vulnerable conversation. >> Yeah. We are all about vulnerable. >> And I said to you vulnerable is probably not my highest skill and setting >> but you you might do It's out of my comfort zone. And also, I know, here's a good quote. I know there's one thing that's which is change. Most people don't like change too much, but the one thing that's guaranteed is change because a second ago is not the same anymore. Change is always happening, >> right? >> Growth is optional. >> Mhm. >> Growth. Growth is optional. Growth. Sometimes it's even part of the Sometimes it's >> you have to go down to be up. >> Yeah. Let's talk about the surgery. back to the surgery thing. It it it was a total shutdown of my pretty much my whole life for for weeks and months and an interference for years. And yet I believe to the core of my inoma to the core of my being that this grand design. It's not it's not it's not by mistake. It didn't just happen. You ask me how did it happen and we're not even in the dates yet. I have no idea. And the doctor does not believe me that that level eye injury. I had a what's called a torn retina in three different places. It only happens like somebody like in a boxing ring gets a zuts in the eye and it just pops zero. I have no idea. I don't remember. I don't have any >> one day to the next. >> It was happening for for weeks. I just did a kap and the reason I did a kap was because it was in the middle of co I had just given I was one of the first people to give um a plasma donation and then I was feeling a little weird I didn't know why I thought maybe because I gave plasma my body has to repair something and I was running I was I was moving I was doing what I had to do every day reaching out to people giving I had my my structure of my day >> and what is happening >> and slowly I started noticing ing. I was doing a lot of Zoom, a lot of work on Zoom with people. This I started noticing what's called shading, like a little bit of a blur on the edge of my vision in different places, but I thought it was just cuz I didn't get a haircut in four months. >> My beard was out to here. >> Ah, so it's getting annoyed that you know when your beard is too long and I was like, "Oh, >> you could start seeing it >> like a werewolf." I was like, "Oh, >> and then it was Arafus. I was out for a run. And I was running down the street and I saw a barber in a car driving by. I stopped. He was by a red light. Said, "Tadic, I need a haircut. I'll find you some other people. Come to my backyard. I'll just call the neighbors. Everybody needs a haircut. We're going to give haircuts." Okay. And he comes and I get a haircut and I realize it's not my beard. I actually have something blocking my vision. >> Wow. >> But now it's Yantiff. >> What am I doing? >> Two days. >> Two days. Y and comes the first night yontiff and I'm feeling something is wrong. I ended up I went to sleep. I c I don't know if I spoke that year. I didn't speak that year. Usually shuest night. It was co so I guess I didn't speak that year. I was o mench. I just slept. I slept for a lot of hours. I got up. I was like disoriented almost back to sleep. Matsuantiff. So if I if I didn't have a history in being an EMT and you know medical professionals, if EMTs are medical professionals, but they they're the front end of the medical professional, first responders. >> Yeah. >> So we're like the worst patients. Like we always think we know something. you know, we're really cost service with lights on the roof. But okay, >> so >> you're talking about Atula. >> No, Atula is great. I'm talking about Yeah, that the idea of Atula. Correct. >> The other people >> um and and so I called the eye doctor on a cell phone. I said, "I'm sorry for bothering you. Something is very wrong." I start to see spots. It was the the thing that that >> All in one eye. >> In just one eye. Correct. Just in one eye. My right eye. I'm right eye dominant. >> Okay. But you noticed that when you close it, you're seeing fine. >> I knew that. Yeah, I could tell. So he calls me back. He said, "In my line of work, there's very few emergencies. This is a real emergency. It was a Sunday. It was mat shabas. Sunday morning. I'm going to open up for you." >> Wow. >> You'll come to my office. I'll see you in the morning. >> Why does he know you prior to this? >> I know him. He's my doctor. I go to him. I check up. >> The regular doctor. >> The eye doctor. Regular eye doctor. Ty. Dr. Reich has an office on P and East 18th. >> You had glasses before? Yeah, of course I have glasses. >> Okay, so you have a eye doctor. >> Uh I'm wearing contact lenses now. So So he looks in the eye. He looks He looks and he goes, "Hold on. I need to make a phone call." >> And that's when you >> Oh my god. >> This is not why I came. >> So he tells me, "Listen, I just called the head of opthalmology, Dr. Saffra from Aman's Hospital. He's in Long Island. If you could get there in 45 minutes, he's going to open up his office for you and I'll take a look. This needs a surgeon. This is a serious thing. I said, "I'll be there in 40 minutes." He says, "It's Long Island. I'll be there in 40 minutes." I called my son. My son was waiting outside. I didn't even know if I could drive at this point. I said, "How comfortable are you uh getting somewhere quickly?" Okay, let's go. Mangan. We went. >> You put the thing on the car service. >> Yeah, the car service. Exactly. The car service made a quick ride. And we get to to the doctor's office and he pokes around and he turns on all the machines and he does his testing. He says, "You need an O. I can't fix this in my office." >> Wow. >> You need surgery. I'm like ASAP. >> He calls Dr. Landa, my my surgeon, and he tells him whatever he tells him. He says, "Okay, go tomorrow morning to New York eye and ear and figure out how to get yourself into the building. You're going to Dr. Lander." He writes me a little prescription, emergency, desance, whatever. It's the middle of COVID. New York eye does not let in non-patients into the building. Security, masks, lines, six feet. You can't get in. I come into the building. I'm going up there. We don't see your name on the list. I'm sorry you can't come in. I said, "Call the desk. They know me." Calls, no one picks up. It's They basically kick me out. I'm standing on a street corner on 14th Street in Manhattan. >> Wow. >> I know that I have like hours maybe. And once >> to save the eyesight. >> Yeah. If it crosses a certain threshold, that's like come out. No chance of recovery or repair. >> What do you do? >> They do nothing. You pray Hashem's in charge. What do you mean? What do you do? >> Is Hashem reachable on 14th Avenue? Hashem is reachable 24/7 from anywhere in the world. >> Even in Manhattan. >> Even in Manhattan and even in the Bahamas, always everywhere. >> Tell me about that experience. >> I wasn't in the Bahamas. I was on 14th Street. >> On 14th Street. Tell me about it. >> I basically called on one phone upstairs. I called I I made a bunch of phone calls till I tied up every all their phone lines. I called I left it on hold. I called. I basically I blocked all the phone lines till I got through. And then the lady was me. She picked up all annoyed. I said, "I don't understand. I have a prescription. Dr. Landa, I have I'm supposed to be there. She tells me you're not on the list. We're not letting you in. I know who you are. Security told me >> said, "Ma'am, please ask the surgeon because Dr. Lander invited me to be here and said I could come." And I hear like a little bit of a huff and she says something and I hear him shy. I said he could come, let him in. >> Wow. >> I don't know this fellow. >> Wow. >> And that was the beginning. Whatever. He scheduled me however it went and the the surgery was he told me afterward oh so this the the the long story to get to this as we're about to go into surgery I tell him doctor could you give me your hands for a second so he looks at me I said I want to give you a braha you should have golden a hint you know what golden a means I said to him I don't know if he knows or doesn't know but the emotion that I was in the place where I was where >> only hashm come to to rely on. I said, "You are from God himself. He's going to put the right movements, the right thoughts, the right everything. I trusted you with the signatures. I'm trusting you to get the job done." But no, we're both trusting the one above. Gagan, I go, they roll me inside. I'm in the thing. I'm ste everybody's busy. The surgeon is Nellum. The guy cannot be found. They couldn't find them for I don't know how long for me. >> Wait, how long from 14th Street till >> I don't know. I I jumped days. Oh, a day. It ended up being they slept it out because of CO an extra day. >> So, you're sitting in the hospital? >> No, I went home. I was in a panic. They told me if you start seeing flashes of light then it means like you have like uh you're running out of time, but uh it was a little it was very scary. It was time to go home. Davin, love on my family a little bit. Go inside a little bit. Yeah. And then he was nail him in the middle of the surgery. >> No, before they were looking for him to start like there's a clock. Can't find them. I think he was in the bathroom crying. >> Why? >> Cuz I gave him for >> I think so. >> For how long? >> I don't know. Time times >> time loses. >> It was enough that they were looking for him and they couldn't find him. >> Time is not a real thing. Every time you're enjoying too much or sad too much, you lose the >> So time is a real thing. >> But we're not subject to time the way we think we are. >> Meaning >> time. >> Yeah. >> As uh Ed uh not Edison Einstein. >> Yes. >> Different e. >> Yeah. >> Time and space. >> Time. If you have a memory like mine and a a brain like mine and then it's visual and then you got your vision mixed up, it gets it gets even more complicated. >> It's crazy. >> I'm a very visual. I'm a visual only >> canesthetic not with your hands. So you feel you can you build something you put something together you you do something you you learn it with your hands only by seeing. >> Yeah. >> Okay. Um it's your primary. There's other there's >> probably I'm coping. I'm going home. >> Visual is high. People are high visual learners. I'm also a high visual learner. I'm also kinesesthetic. I like to do something. I like to feel to see how it goes. How does it work? How do you put it together? How do you take it apart? >> No. >> Um, you asked me about time. You didn't ask me to comment about time. So time time is linear. The way we approach time, it's a circle on the clock, but it's really linear, right? It's based on space. If you take space out of it, how does time work? >> Ah, >> so time is relative to space because without space, how would time be? So how come when you're so happy you lose that sense? >> Because you're superseding time. The time and space dimension you're sort of popping out of it. >> Wow. >> And if I can jump for a minute when you're doing your your level work your hashem in whatever way even in practical daily behavior and or in a spiritual connection kind of way let's say do you really know when you're ding for real how long it took you? No, >> you probably don't know if you were really dominating, you lost the time, but the things around you give you information. So, mama, it speeds you up, slows you down. But if you could talk going back to co before that eye surgery, >> I I used to be embarrassed to say this. >> I would go downstairs to my office. I have an office in the basement >> and I would dakas for a few hours. I'm not a patient like hang out. I'm not I'm not a I I move. I do things. >> Why would you say embarrassed? because it just felt off to me like and then I heard Rebellia Brdney saying like he learned that yum kipper is not only yum kipper you could d a shakas with with like an yam kipil at home first I I don't I don't really d at home almost ever and if I would it would cause either because there's because uh someone's sick or because it was an emergency and I it was not to get minion so for me the the experience of being in my own dollar am expectation on time availability. I could just I could take my time. >> When it was co we daved like that. There was no one to rush to >> and and I had the most uplifting dvenings and nobody looking at me. There was no shots to rush to. >> Correct. >> I was just immersed in my talis and forget about the world. >> Time did not matter and I had no concept of time. I know I would go down that I had like a a schedule. So I have a schedule, put the family on a schedule, but hours. >> Wow. >> It was it was unbelievable. I don't know that I ever had such an experience in my life for days on end. >> Right. >> Um actually had a who lived in for many years and he had to travel for work and he told me one of the ways he stays very plugged in is he ends up in hotels and different places because of his travel schedule, >> right? >> And he has the opportunity to just dive in by himself, >> right? >> Let's say he has to be an appointment 1:00 in the afternoon. >> Yeah. So he has a whole morning to learn and do. >> Mhm. >> Nobody's looking for him. He checks in at home and then he doins. So I said, "You mean I should leave my house, my wherever, my regular schedule, go to a hotel somewhere in the Vald and and connect?" He said, "Yeah, exactly." >> Wow. >> And in my very liter brain, that sounds off almost. >> Yeah. It's a question I always have if it would be more meaningful for me as well. Not only for Hashem, for me and Hashem to have that dvening in the woods than to go to minion. So what is the right thing? I don't know. I don't have the clear answer. >> Which is where we get to >> Yes. >> So that you could have a way to check in. There was a time a number of years ago where my Shiva pushed me to go away for a couple of days to go far where no one would know me, find me, be able to to whatever and I I like be away. That's also a big challenge to find the right route. >> Yeah. And it has to match where you're up to and where where where how that they have to know you. They have to really be able to adapt to to to what you're up to and where you're going. >> The understand it. He has to be able to understand it >> also. Yes. That goes without saying and and I know we're on a few tangents of tangents. Probably one of the biggest things that that that that is undervalued in our community is formal mentorship. I'm again I come from like a coaching lens if you will. You were talking about who is Ezra Max. It doesn't really matter who is Ezra Max. >> We might have to go through a little bit but you can still >> the punch line is mentorship. The punch line is it's somebody that either knows what's ahead of you or knows you well enough to know how to help you navigate what's ahead of you because there's always something ahead of you. And every time you come up against the next level, the next wall, the next thing, there's going to be stress, hesitation, fear, overwhelm. If there's too much excitement without the the breaks of what if, fear, judgment, then then you're too jumpy. You're going to get into trouble, right? >> There's this very very delicate balance >> that's required >> to cons constantly be moving and growing. >> Yeah. >> And also to be calibrating to make sure that that you're >> you're not going too far, you're not falling off, >> you're not going too fast, you're not breaking too many things along the way. It's crazy. >> And and break and fix is good. It's not bad, >> but it has to be done with intentionality. It has to be done with cons consciousness and and focus. >> It has to be done with with a with a reason. >> Yeah. >> Um sometimes you want to break something. Sometimes you need to break something, right? >> Sometimes things won't change unless they're broken, >> right? >> And and to know when and where and how to know when to push, when not to push. >> It's very tricky. >> Then you have you have like this you have like that right >> is a big challenge big challenge I I'm talking of a a perspective from we don't have a roiva we don't have that we have a dish which is easier access >> okay >> if you don't connect to the specifically that dian or he's not understanding your level I don't want to use foul language but you you don't have much of a chance you have to go out and find someone. It's very challenging >> and you should. >> It's probably one of the most important things you could do for you and your life, your family, your future. And some of the dion I've worked with over the years are fascinating in their level their breath and depth of understanding of of of toy of hala of human behavior. Their willingness to explore and to to dialogue and and like sort of take something apart and put it back together and try >> right >> is is stunning. And and you know again a popular dian who has real uh traction with the kaha is going to be overwhelmed very quickly >> right >> because >> everybody's going to come like to him like bees do to honey >> do not stop >> do bees go to honey >> I think so they produce honey I don't know they go to honey I don't know you put honey in the sa the bees come yeah yeah usually they come >> but I would say um a lot of the dunim I know >> are uh how do you say they they became donim yes >> they became just based on their learning, not necessarily on their midst or understanding of people's challenges. You know what I mean? They they sit and learn all day. So they they are um how how would you say that? Uh they're okay to be a dying but not necessarily understand to the nephesh of people and that's very challenging. I >> I'm we're going to go down another pathway and I hope you're okay with this. >> Totally fine. >> As you're saying this, >> we're going to have to go back to Rabbi. We'll cut and paste if you have to or people just have to follow along and hope that >> stick to the end to find out who Rabbi Ezra is. >> At least tell them there's something exciting coming at that. Nobody cares who I am. They only care how it helps them. Nobody cares who I am or you are. Nobody. Nobody cares. >> The only thing they care about is how their life is going to improve based on their interaction with you or something you're producing. So, I'm getting excited when I say this. My own energy. >> You just around. You should stop what I just said. >> You should stick around. >> What are you taking from this? What are you gaining from this? How you going? Don't tell me I need a diet. I don't have a diet. I tried having a diet. It didn't work for me. There's no dion. I already heard you. I got the whole thing. >> It's warming up. >> You just You got me all fired up on this thing. >> So So Rabbi Ezra is a fire and you're going to get much more of this soon. Um that's it. That's it. Keep going. >> You put out the fire. We pulled out the key >> because we're still warming up. We still have a way. the um >> we don't have to cover more of the Diana. It's fine. >> I No, I think it's one of the most important things that people should know. I didn't know that's where we're going. But I also told you I'm going to be I'm going to do my best to be very open in the conversation where I filter. You couldn't even watch. They can't see my eyes the way you could see my eyes. I filter. I'm thinking make for yourself appoint somebody your if you don't have a d and you can't find a dian and a dian is not available to you find somebody else to be as if the dian be the leaison to the dian I had I had someone call me today they have a struggle at home whatever the situation is they're going to my today they have an appointment >> he's a big name >> he's a huge name. I don't know if he had told him to call me or they just decided to call and they're in an ongoing dialogue with him and they wanted so the question is asking me how and what they should say to Lazinger in terms of to to get to the crux of the issue. My answer was Razer understands. He's got it now >> and he's overwhelmed. >> I can't tell you from his perspective where he is. What do you think >> based on the number of people that are going to him and and what he's handling on the dayto-day from the teeny little bit that I know about that I pick up pieces of I have no idea how he does it. >> I don't know. >> And and and not everybody should be running to him for everything, >> right? >> There's some of what they're running for that doesn't need to make his way make its way to him, but they're not going to trust somebody else. >> Right? >> Okay. And then there are people who are running to people who are to I don't want to speak bad about dunam. running to people in a dying capacity where the dian should say it's pass my pay grade and then he has a choice point what do I do how do I help them or do I direct them to the next person the I had a challenge many years ago I was doing I was part of figuring out how do we navigate with boys and girls coming postrehab to reintegrate them to a normal healthy life. It was never done in the firm world before to our knowledge. >> Postre rehab meaning they're coming off drugs. >> Yes, they're probably not from they probably have a ton of trauma. They probably have a fractured family relationship. They probably got kicked out of multiple yeshivas in schools. They're probably have a lot of hurt and pain. They're probably not so easy in personality. They're probably a whole bunch of probably. >> And where are they coming to? To you? >> The drop in center to a place at night. They could come. They get a hot food. They could they get some some some >> It has a name. >> Camaraderie. Yeah. That's called the living room. Today it's called the living room. A guy name Pasnanski, a ty social worker who's figured this out, has been running it since we hired him in 200 one, I think, or 2002. I think remember. >> Yes. >> So, >> let's not let's not get lost there. >> Exactly. But it's not about that. It's a viewer will not know >> that such a thing exists, >> right? >> The one who will know that it exists is the one who needs it. They'll find it. >> The parent might know, but the kid knows. So this is part of explaining to the viewer who Rabbi Ezra. It's not about his um um midas. It's about what is he involved in. So he was involved in building the living room. You have to give him a rundown. Born and raised. It has to run through your life in short and it has to come to what you've been involved in to know. Okay. I'm talking to someone who understands in ABC right now. Um I know it's someone very passionate. >> I want that. You want to know about the ambulance company that I ran or the second ambulance company that I took that everybody said you can't do it it's impossible. >> Why ambulance company? >> Because I was an EMT and I fell into it and I puts things in front of me and I I run with them. Either the distractions the shiny thing distractions or they give me opportunity to figure things out that no one would ever be able to do or open up doors that no one else could open up a door. >> So EMT can AMT has more access than a usual person. >> Yes. To win. So when it comes to quote unquote mental health situations, there are protocols within Atsula how to deal with it. There's much more today than there was 10 years ago, 15 years ago. Take them to the nearest hospital. But if what if the nearest hospital and that's the official protocol is not the right thing for this patient. >> How do you get them to Cornell? How do you get them up to Westchester? How do you get them? If you own an ambulance company, >> you get two EMTs, you get three MTs, you go whatever time, a day or night, and you get them where they have to go. >> So there is no rule to take them to the >> There is a ruleish. So there's ways to justify why you're doing a specialty. But why should I take three S5s guys and pull them out of their life to go do a 2-hour transport? >> So you became an EMT? >> I was an EMT a long time. >> And you be so so you became an ambulance company just because you wanted to help more mental cases that you were involved in? >> No. No. I it was it was a a fringe benefit. I I don't know. The truth is when I go back, what was my initial motivation? The the opportunity presented itself and I said, you know, this would be a good opportunity. Let me see if I could if I can navigate this in a in a in a way that would be a value ad. I have a clog and my rebi is like this is the thing wherever you go whatever you do make a kid. So I found me mitzvah all the time situations of me mitzvah. You go to a call you're in a place in a go place wasn't a y company and so do a a mitzvah mitzvah mitzvah >> what is a mess mitzvah not of course. >> So how do you find them in a go place? You walk into a house in the middle of Benson Lamushel and you see a mano or a matzah on the top shelf and you see somebody with a yo and you're like what's going on heist and you ask a question they say oh he was Jewish she was Jewish so who hold on him somebody Rosenberg >> whoever you Yeah I'm just saying this >> there's more than Mandy Rosenberg that picks up Mandy's good >> Mandy's good Mandy good stuff I did upset campaign for him. He would never go on camera. So they tricked me. They tricked him. >> They told me to hide bes be behind the mats. >> Yeah. >> And just have him walk through the mat and tell you story story. It's a bakitz upstate >> in Woodriidge or Matelo whatever. >> One of the for me it's all one thing upstate. I'm I'm an Israeli upstate. >> So what you don't know about me as well is I was I carried a badge. I was a peace officer upstate. really >> part of the department for many years. >> Why? >> Because the chief at the time understood that we had teenagers from our community that were going upstate and getting in themselves into trouble. >> And having them just be arrested and go through the system is not the trua. >> And so at first it was on like a volunteer like being hanging aroundish like just being there then being a resource and then eventually I was like almost like embedded I want to say meaning I had a mat shabas. I was in a police car most weeks during the summer months and if something would happen, anything to do within the community, I was able to be mamish spot on and and intervene if somebody what whatever the stories are without getting into details. >> Solve stuff before it gets to >> before it escalates. Yes. It wasn't only Mat Shabas. I'm just saying on you know there was a there was a fight Friday afternoon, somebody pulled a knife on another somebody whatever it was. So, I was actually in Kran Shakas and the guy calls me says, "Uh, they're trying to find you." I said, "How do you know?" Because they're trying to find you. >> I don't know how they knew they're trying to find me. So, no. I called him. He says, "How quick can you get here?" I said, "I'm three minutes away. I'll be there." >> Wow. >> And okay, so jail is not the solution. An intervention is the solution. >> But why would a police chief see that? >> Because he worked as uh a high school resource officer in the school for many years. And he understood that teenagers get into trouble >> and locking them up is not the answer. It's understanding. Understanding the reason they're in trouble is likely a symptom, right? >> And underlying something else. And if you can get to the underlying and resolve it with them for them, then you don't have the symptom anymore. >> Just like every OTD. >> Oh, very good. Which takes us back to recovery. Running a recovery program. I wasn't someone who was part of that life. They would always ask me, "Rabbi, did you ever do drugs?" And the answer is no. say, "You don't understand this. You can't help us." I'm like, "Maybe not, but if you explain it to me, I'm pretty good at figuring things out. I'm scared of drugs. Uh, I could be Who said I would?" Whoops. >> It's fine. >> Who said I wouldn't be just like Like, why wouldn't I be worse than you, man? Like, why why do you think I'm better than you? >> That itself gives them >> Yeah. They don't believe you though. It's not like why making fun of me, >> right? But when you when you understand when you get to understand and then you start noticing patterns and you're able to help them resolve real inner challenges and then to navigate it with with class with grace with with confidence with courage then then you literally are are being >> this is all in the living room. That was one of the places. But yeah, >> there's more places. >> The living room was where I I where Rabbi Wallstein where Arnava was was started on a tishabove almost 20 years ago. In the living room, he came to speak >> and >> that's when you had a connection with Rabbi Wall. >> I invited him to come speak. >> We still don't know about you and Rabbi Wallstein. >> We didn't talk about him at all. >> Let's go one second back. One second. Where were you born? >> I was born in my monities hospital in Brooklyn, New York. >> And your parents lived in Brooklyn, New York. My parents lived. My mother is a Canadian. My father is an Israeli. >> Really? >> Yes. My father? You show me. >> Okay, we got to go back to English. >> So, one second. >> Yes. >> So, so you my father's >> Yeah. From where? >> Where? >> Unaras. Whatever. is it supposed to be your Xiaomi? >> My Z my father Zimo. >> No way. With with the with the gold. >> No, I don't know about that. I don't know because it was black and white pictures. So you don't know. >> My grandmother My grandmother >> Yeah. >> My father's mother lost her father at 5 years old. She was at 5 years old. She was raised by her grandfather. M >> the car rabbi when he would come to and we're talking early 1900 the tish would be in my house >> really your mish kasides >> almost >> you look like safaria on that side a real harowitz >> really >> yeah yeah yeah >> really >> my grandmother was a was a harowitz >> do you say it fashlu >> of course >> I say it every day >> I don't say it every day I say it often >> I say it every day for more than 20 years >> beautiful are you a social >> it works no that I know of maybe I am >> maybe a lot a lot The harits is the title. >> I'm maybe it works. >> Yeah. >> Wow. So, one second. Father's Israeli, which I love that that your Shi partner >> came on a boat 5 years old. >> I can't believe it. You came on a boat 5 years old. He came on a boat 5 years old and he went to Bar Park. >> Yeah. >> Bar Park already existed then. >> Not the way we we see it today. >> Yeah. But my man was there. >> I don't know. >> And you were born? >> My grand So so so my my grandfather my father's father was an American. He was one of 12 children came from Shabboan, Wisconsin. And the reason they lived in Shbboan is cuz his mother or grandmother, I don't remember, didn't want to be with all the people going off the D in other places in in Wisconsin. So they moved to a place with only Goyam. >> The kids will know that we're Jews. Those are not. >> You want to laugh? >> I have a neighbor. >> Yeah. in my apartment building where I live. >> Yeah. >> He didn't like >> that there is all kinds of and trust me there's no modern people in my building. >> Okay. >> It was too modern for him. >> So he moved into a block. >> THE GUY DOWN. YES. >> A BEL. >> NO, HE'S not a Bel. >> He's aid and he moved into a goa block. He's the only Jew. So the people his kids know for the same reason his kids know these are and we are That's it. I got it. >> Maybe there was there's there's no smartphone in my building >> and it was too much for him. >> Not here. >> So it's just referring to what you said. Yeah. >> So was Shabboan. >> Mhm. >> Shabboan. I should go visit. There's any Jews there? >> Not today. No. >> Not today. There was a there was minion. >> I don't think so. >> He was he moved into talking about in the late 1800s. >> Wow. >> Yeah. The maxes are here for even years before that. >> What's nice? >> Yeah. Yeah. >> So that was your father's side. Mother comes >> My mother comes from Canada. My mother was born in in Canada. Um >> Montreal, >> Quebec, then Montreal. >> Okay. >> And uh >> then they came here. >> They came here, >> Brooklyn. >> They came here. My father was by that point again wherever they were. My mother came for seminary. She was in Farra. My grandparents had already moved to Cedarhurst before Cedarhurst was uh was a place to go live. >> Yeah. And uh my father was was uh learned in Berlin where he's a malammed and >> he's still a malammed. >> He's officially retired but the amount of hours he's in medish learning with people. Yes. >> Wow. >> And and Rabbi Blumencr Rabbi Van Bloomcrat the one who put out the original Pesak book. >> Yes. >> So they were both close to him separately and my father was giving the Shia when Rabbi Blum CR wasn't there. My mother was coming to the Shir with her seminary friends. Rabbi Blum and Crance knew them both and he was Mashad's couple. >> Nice. So Rab Blumrren from the P book made your >> Yeah, >> he he did more. >> I'm sure. I'm sure. I'm sure. >> Nice. So you're the >> I'm the oldest. >> Oldest. >> Okay. So for that we >> Yeah. >> You know why? >> I'm also >> Oh, you know why get Pishna? One of the reasons. >> No. >> Cuz you're the guinea pig child. Your parents make all the mistakes on you. >> Oh, yeah. >> I taught it was maza to me when I was younger. He said all the things you're going to like stress for, str, you know, navigate, negotiate, fight for, you're going to work a year, two years, three years, whatever, and finally you're going to get there and then you're going to see by the third kid that it's like it's it's a camp. It's coming automatic rude. So my you have because you had to trailblaze all the uh >> mistakes, >> I don't know, mistakes, all the all the things that you're trying to you know, you're training the parents as much as they're training you. >> 100%. I had a apology session with my father right here. Did you really? >> Yeah. >> Did you apologize to him or apologize to you? >> I had both. >> Oh, because I feel like I should apologize to Omaram and all all the people. I think about it now. I have a lot of I don't want to say criticisms. I have a lot of observations based on the work I've done about upgrades we should have made and should be making in the system without being negative. Although I could be negative, I'm aware. from a more I want to say mature perspective constructive feedback that if not implemented you could see the writing on the wall for a number of things if you don't already see it and if you make tweaks tremendous positive development and growth will will >> you want to give me an example from a tweak start from there >> wow it's a big statement >> that's not a tweak but just tweak a little bit in that direction >> it's a big statement by the way rebell Stfans I just heard by his shear. He's starting to move into yes is yeshiva's screen for ciderishi for cider nidaf >> nider. Yeah. He puts up a screen and he gives the screen for free for any rashiva that's taking it. >> Okay. >> And there's already two yeshivas that took it. They're signing up. >> Yeah. >> Nate nights. Anyway, >> can I say something funny? I want to give him credit. Who are the two biggest shurum in America today? >> I would say Rebelli. Who? >> The second one. >> I don't know. >> Borenstein. >> Borstein. Yeah. He talks about him, but Bournestein does uh charts. >> That's not the punch line. Do either one of them have a beard? >> No. >> Good. So, let me ask you a question. Somebody without a beard, you won't count them for minion half the time. >> He says, >> I I only say this because I was as a single as a bucker right before my marriage. I was 22ish and I was in a place. I was looking for minion and the guy was counting and the guy wouldn't count me. I got so mad I took a gel. I walked up to the om and someone told me be careful they will lift you up and throw you out the window. Do not do this. I said okay I'll enjoy the trip. >> It doesn't go for everyone this kal but I understand and >> nothing I'm just I'm pointing it out. Yeah. >> So rebell says there's a >> Yeah >> which is any and then there's a A is without a beard with a jacket. That's a >> with a with a with a tie. Right. So, so the the one thing I wasn't going to be growing up was going into I grew up in my mother was a a teacher at first, then she was a stay at home mom. My father was a rebi. He was a dash. He still is a dash, even if he's a retired Rebi, whatever. >> Um, and >> how old is he? >> Young. He puts in a day from 5:00 a.m. to to midnight consistently. Really? He puts miles on the car like he is a young man. Um, and he should be strong and healthy and well and keep going. >> Amen. Yeah. As long as they keep going. They say stop. Retirement is the worst thing for most people. >> The worst thing. It's the beginning of the end. >> It happens to be his I mean I'm saying these are some they come to every day. Wow. >> They're learning. They're they're they're going strong. >> Keep active. >> So, but it's it's blood. They're they're they're really living it. >> Wow. >> They're really living it. So, so >> yeah. Yeah. We should we shouldn't be able to come clo like like touch it and like value it. Sometimes I wonder do we really even value it properly? >> I was trying to tell you something. So growing up you could imagine with a little dis dyslexia lixia whatever back to the I >> it's good to say dyslexia not the right way because that's real >> lixia right that's the whole thing. Yeah. The words get mix famished. >> Yeah. >> Um the so oh I was telling you a story earlier for whoever is still holding cup. So they put all these electrodes on your head and they measure and they're recalibrating the machine. I'm thinking Vavo finally after they tested the machine twice. They came back to him, they changed the contrast, they made it color, they made it black and white. He says, "Listen, you're going to me and you are going to become friends." I said, "Why?" He says, "Your optic nerve, the nerve that goes into the brain." This is a fascinating thought. Number one, the optic nerve is the only nerve that goes straight into the brain stem with no filter, which is why Shmeir say is probably critical, but don't use that as a hook for the show because they'll think I'm giving muser. Just FYI, you cannot filter the input from your hand. And it goes through a filter from your foot. It goes through a filter from your nose. I don't know. However the brain works, the optic nerve is groo. He says it's starting to fray the edges. It's getting worn out the wire. >> Okay. So why are you friends? >> Because you're going to keep coming back because you're going to have deficits and it's going to keep getting worse. I said, tell me the the like for a minute. I was what? I thought I'm getting better. I thought I'm moving ahead. What? What's going on here? I'm paying you a lot of money for an assessment. I wasn't I didn't want bad news. I wanted good news. So he says something I forgot the whatever he said some some words some some something. He said listen you're a little bit slow. That's what he said. You're a little bit slow. So I started laughing. I said doc no I'll show you on the chart. I said what chart? He says you see this curve over here? It's supposed to go like this. This is a timing thing. This means x amount of milliseconds. Whatever that means. Instead of my thing going up like this, it goes like this. He says it's not like a a small little hop. It's a instead of being a hill, it's a valley. >> So he says that's the brain. >> That's the transmission time. >> Yes. >> There's a lag. >> Yeah. >> Says doc, even someone who doesn't know me is not going to tell you I'm slow, >> right? >> That you're not getting. So he tells me, well, if you were dyslexic or something, then that would be a whole another story. Is it time out? Of course I am. He goes, "No, you're not. I watched you read." I said, 'I compensate. Doesn't mean I'm not. What are you talking about? He goes, "Oh, then no problem. You're good. This is normal." They start telling me Fortune 500 CEOs like 40% of them or some high number are all dyslexic and basically >> like it's a good thing to have >> it. What happens is it means that there's a processing there's a a processing slowness and therefore they compensate. >> Oh, so they push themselves >> and the mela they're exceptional at seeing things other people don't see. They drive where other people won't drive. They they're able to navigate the world in ways that a regular person >> Wow. >> never needed to learn. >> You just said two things that I need to ask. So if you're going to keep going, I'm going to need to write it down. >> Write it down or ask. I can >> So write first. >> I don't want to talk about that. >> I want to ask one question about that. >> Fine. I don't want to talk about it. >> I know you don't want to be with I'm going to be with you. >> Thank you. And the other thing is challenges. >> Challenge. So let me talk about challenges. Let me There are absolutely a plus. The one thing I said this before the one thing that's certain is change which also means challenge because change is challenging. Change is never pleasant except if you go on vacation and even then it's not pleasant because you have to come back to your old boring miserable life that you ran away from that you went on vacation from. >> Ah you going to tell me you had a beautiful life then why do you go on vacation? If your life is so beautiful why you going away from it? Why? Sometimes it's a cherry on the >> Absolutely. If you're celebrating something, G isn't the high. Most people are running away. They spend 6 months planning the one week when they can finally breathe and live a little bit to go back to that cubicle to spend the next six months to make enough money so they can go do it again. >> That is so sad. >> And all they do is talk about the one week. >> What about your whole life? >> And when they're there by the one week, they speak about the six months. >> Oh, depend. Right. So, so challenges challenges by definition challenges are actually probably good. Why? Because a challenge is the thing that says knockknock. Are you paying attention? Hello, what's going on? The biggest question that I had in in the recovery process and at first I was misha. They gave me this medication to make sure that my eye didn't reject some of whatever. I don't know. I was I was I was crying. I was lost. I'm not a big crier. like crying over spilled milk is the expression. >> Yes. >> So it is what it is. Like why crying about it? I I was >> I I called one of Dun one of my friends. I I said to them I don't know how much I was crying on the phone. I don't know what's wrong. I don't know. I don't know what Hashem wants from me. >> When was the last time you cried before that? >> I don't know. I'm not I wouldn't remember. Not with that. No. You know when the time I cried before that? I know the one time I cried before that. I know because my eyes were on fire. I'll I I'm embarrassed to tell the story again. I shouldn't be embarrassed but again I don't do I don't share the way you share >> you can control every I'm going to give this to you and you can cut out anything you want so share everything and >> whatever I told you I'm going to tell you in those three-hour shakas those morning tuktam beautiful glorious davings that I didn't know I even had inside of me it was after pisak sometime I don't know >> real co >> real co the heart of co again >> the beginning the the the beginning I A week before everybody we had an ornav shabaton the whole staff got on on um >> before pum and I slept for three days I came home from a shabaton I slept from Sunday to Tuesday >> and you didn't know what it is >> I got up I went back to sleep I I slept for six hours I got up I went back to sleep I got up >> was done >> and then I was done that's why I had a million antibodies when when everybody was getting co so oh I I was sure Mashiah is coming I was positive pis is going to be we're going >> that >> I was positive positive. When we opened the door, there was not one Jew >> that wasn't disappointed, >> right? >> There was not one Jew. >> I understand. Good. You know, >> but it still hurts me till now just saying it >> because it was a let down. >> It was a big let down. >> It was a huge let down. I was diving one chakas one morning. I got to and I was crying like a baby. There was tears. My eyes were on fire. My eyes were burning. It could be it was the beginning like my tears were going into the tear within my eye and it could be that those tears ripped my eye. It was that extreme. >> What? >> I don't know if that's even possible or true. I have no idea. >> Did you ask the doctor? >> I don't remember. >> Wow. >> But you asked me when's the last time I cried. That was the last time I cried. >> You reminded me the guy who stabbed himself in the middle of benching when he said even because he couldn't take the pain. >> Yeah. That's why we don't have a knife on the table. Yeah, I got it. It felt >> You're on that level by the way. Ra, if you don't know, >> I'm not I'm not I'm not even close. >> That's posing that I'm on that line. I'm not even >> I don't want to tell the story. I'm telling you. That's why I'm I'm like >> I love that by the way. >> It's real a week after in the beginning. >> I don't know. It was It was somewhere in again before. >> I remember my eye on fire burning when I was crying. I remember I remember the pain inside my eye like I stopped myself like this can't be good. Um, >> it makes sense. It doesn't, but it makes sense. >> I don't know. >> None of our lives makes sense, >> right? We try to make sense of our life. >> And we live in a world. Some people are going to be mad at me for saying this and I don't mind. They could be mad at me all they want or they could just agree with me and get out. >> We're having the discussion. We want people to be mad. >> Listen to what's going to happen. We live in a world people are very busy with trauma. Big T, little T, trauma, trauma. Well, I I don't understand. Most people talking about trauma don't know what trauma is. If they would have sat in my job for a few years, maybe they'd have a clue. And I'm not even the biggest trauma guy. I'm like an accidental. I bumped into >> You're very involved in the back end alley of a lot of different things. >> A lot of different things >> and and this could be a good opportunity to give a glimpse for people to know that that world exists. If they come close to it, they should know what to do. It's not the end of the world. >> What question are you really asking? >> I'm not yet. I'm not yet. I still want to come back to we we still had born and raised and we went back into the midst. This is going to be the most add conversation we had ever on on this platform and and probably I will ever have. I'm fine with it. I love this. I love this this real >> there's an accountant or or a bookkeeper won't be able to >> who's watching this. No, I have an idea for them. They should open a spreadsheet on their screen >> and they should just like pay attention. This one goes here and this thing goes there. And then afterwards they could send us the spreadsheet and we could laugh about it. >> That's it. >> I once said that that I was allergic to frameworks. >> I I I I do a level of of business coaching and consulting today. I work with leaders of companies of organizations and I used to really think that I wasn't so creative and that I couldn't think in frameworks because I'm so out of the box. But the truth is I think in frameworks so quickly that they don't even look like frameworks to me. It's just a like I organize random things. I see whatever I see or don't see whatever I don't see. >> It's one long flow. >> Yeah. And it's it's it's it's what's called a kaleidoscope. It's all these different colors and shapes and sizes and they all come together. And really I have a name. I have a second name which I haven't used in probably 20 25 years. And I think I have to start using it since my surgery. I think that that's one of the thing. >> What's the name? >> Mayor. My name is Ezra and Mayor. Yeah. >> Why didn't you use it? >> I My mother was very makmed when I was younger. My parents were very makid. Certainly my mother would correct all the time. she was around more. Um, and then when I went into the working world, I Ezra Mayor Max, it became Ezra. Wow. >> And then Ezra stuck. >> And people who know me for 25 plus years say Ezra Mayor and the rest of the world calls me Ezra. >> I heard from a rabbi, Rabbi Stein that does the Shin Minion. Very holy. Some people know him. I wanted to have him here, but he couldn't grasp the English. He said, "I'll speak English. It's going to be mechanical. I need to speak Yiddish." He's probably the only person that I know today can get me grounded in 10 seconds. >> I could get grounded in 10 seconds, >> right? But he does it without to talk without planning. He just comes to me. He holds my hand. He breathes in and out. He gives me a boom. He gets you. >> It's easy to do. I could show you how to do it. I could show your whole audience how to do it. Simple. >> But he's he's made just for that. Like this is what he does. >> So So I'll tell you two parts to that. I don't know him. I'm sure he's a person. A he's probably tapped into something >> very very >> and second he's very grounded. So there's something called social contagion. Okay. Tomorrow I'm doing a off-site strategic planning meeting with a a company a leadership team within a company. And the beginning of the day I'm actually starting them off with a simple breathing exercise and a grounding exercise. And then I'm going to talk about something that happened recently that was very uncomfortable for most of the leadership team. They're going to get all disregulated. They're not going to be grounded. They're not going to be breathing. I'm going to have them notice it. I'm going to show them how fast they can get right back to grounded and focused. It is the biggest risk you take in such a meeting because I could completely destroy the day. >> Wow. >> And it's not even a risk because if they can't as a leadership team in any business, if you cannot get back to a regulated, grounded, even kill state, all your decisions are corrupt. >> Wow. >> Your decisions are corrupt. What's fascinating to me is I've offered a few CEOs recently more than recently but recently it's in top of mind to help them get more grounded and be more regulated to be more I don't like the word calm as much as regulated >> why >> calm is like calm down telling me yeah it it's regulation means that like you're you're super aware you actually have more presence time can slide time can slow down or speed up and you're not as subject to time when you're in that space >> yes This room you talked about is not subject to time the way me and you are on a regular day because he's walking on a different in a different context. >> I wanted to say what he taught me. >> I want to hear tell me in a second. Hold on. So even this week I told the CEO of a company who I told him three years ago if you ever want to work on your ADHD I could help you and and he laughed at me demult this week when I was talking to him I offered him to help out somebody connect them with an employee potentially and we started talking about it. I started explaining to them his should have walked over a middle and a should have said I also have ADD and I said no you don't and if you do next to him you definitely don't and I was showing them the difference in their behavior and then he was listening you curious and then he said n if I give it up I'm not going to be able to accomplish anything in my life my power is in my ADHD >> even though his downs are also very low >> here's what he doesn't yet know and he's not he's not agreeing to but I do know he's compensating for trauma he's compens compensating for being that wild hyped up quote unquote machin I don't mean in complimentary not non-complimentary and he's just channeling it in a healthy positive way but now he's closer to my age it's time to actually contain all of that stuff let it out that part and then use that energy that co that power so much more laser focused without without the the balagan around the whirlwind I used to be a whirlwind And now I feel like I'm almost lazy and slow. But what I could accomplish in an hour with zero anything with there's zero pom poms, cheering, screaming, yelling, noise, loss. >> I spoke about it today on the live on LinkedIn. Today I said that I found out late is relative but late in my age that there's a power in being silent sometimes much more. I thought that kadai to have any legitimacy I need to be the loudest and and then push and hoo-ha and I learned how the silence is sometimes more powerful. >> You use silence very well. I've watched you. >> Thank you. >> Oh, I learned that. It took me a long time. >> And and uh one of my one of my observations about myself is I I really have a katype. I don't know how my rabb and teachers kind of survived the whirlwind that I and my friends were all those years. Like I it's fascinating to me that they just held on. >> I would say my rabbim never survived. They just kicked me out. But my wife survived and I don't know how. >> Oscar, she probably has a good answer. >> She said she always davened and she hoped. I can't believe I just said that on camera. I I stay away from talking about family all ever. I I never go there, >> but it's good to >> Okay, I think that that that >> I really appreciate it. >> The the people close to us who love us the most suffer the most because of our challenges and us them. >> Wow. >> And also it's the catalyst for the most growth. >> That catalyst I wanted to speak about. >> Okay. >> Because sometimes it takes too many years and you said a challenge is an opportunity. >> Yeah, it it does take years. Um, I I >> So, a lot of people give up too early in the game. >> We Well, technically, we all give up too early because if we're alive, we should be I don't want to use the word battling, but we should be growing. I'm big on this thing called grow. Grow means different things at different times and in different seasons. Some plants you have to water them for three years till you even see a little thing, right? >> Some things have pitis once a in a year. Something have once in a in a season. >> The Chinese bamboo is something that a very good example. Five years you water him, he doesn't do anything. The sixth year he goes the highest. >> Yeah. Right. So that's an example. >> Great. So So and then sometimes with this and sometimes we're not. We're not the same person. >> You're not the same guy I met three, four years ago, >> right? >> You're not I could see on you. You're not. We've had conversations in between. >> I'll take it. >> For real. >> I know. >> Real one second. I I could even tell you even more. We didn't even talk about September 11. It's so good. I got two hours into an interview and we didn't talk about September 11. >> Is that the first time it happened to me? Oh, but that's one of the things the the >> Write that down. September 11. >> Okay. So, so I taught somebody a new word today >> talking about challenges. I the the word youust stress. EU stress. Stress. We all know what stress is, right? Stress is not like an option. Stress is going to show up. If you're alive, you're going to have stress. If you don't have stress, you actually don't have a blood pressure. If you don't have a blood pressure, you're not alive. How does your blood have pressure? Do you know your heart squeezes, >> right? >> What happens when you squeeze? Make a fist. It's pressure. >> Yes. >> So pressure and stress actually your life work, >> right? >> If if your life goes like this, every system in your body goes in and out. Compression, expansion, compression, collapse, not collapse, I don't like the word collapse, but >> collapsing and expanding, right? Your lungs, your blood, your digestion, even your eyesight. Right. It's a diaphragm. It's going like this. Your food in your throat, your voice box. How does your voice box work? So, what do you mean? If it gets stuck like this, what happens? You're stuck. >> Yeah. >> So, too much pressure and tension stops the flow. No pressure, no tension, no challenge, no struggle. >> Beep. That's not good. >> The heartbeat goes like this. Your life is going to go like this. How much? When? Even if you look at thing, it goes like this. >> Yes. Right. There's always something. >> There's a system and there's a cycle, but there's going to be highs and there's going to be no. What's the the thing? If you can close the gap of the big highs and the big lows, otherwise they call it bipolar when it's too much. >> Yeah. But some somebody some someone would just take uh pills for that to tighten it up. I was suggested pills so many times, but I said >> Yeah. By the by the system, you know, they want to give you a what is it called? Retitalin. What is it called? >> Yes. >> Really? That's how they call it here as Yes. >> But that that condens rolin is speed. It's an empetamine. >> It basically speeds up your system. So your system says put on the brakes. It's highly addictive. >> Really? >> Yes. And rolin and the mistake in ADHD. I talked about this this morning in in different training. My understanding and I have a pretty decent amount of training. I'm not a psychologist. I'm not making believe I'm one. I support a whole bunch of them by sending them clients. Although at this point, unless you're top level, top shelf, I'm not supporting you. And I'm not even recommending you. Sorry. No, >> it happens to >> no names being said >> like you could have a really good solid D and he's overwhelmed and the whole world's coming to him >> and then you could have your your backyard that I'm not making fun there's a place >> but you right >> we need to have >> and you can't get to being competent and confident and capable without going through those baby steps right >> so and I don't have the solution for that except for a lot of shimos which comes back to mentorship >> wow >> mentorship I went to business. I wasn't going to be in I know zero about business. I was to be around that that built businesses that had huge hearts for >> one of them is Rabbi Wallist. >> That's even later on. Sure, we could talk about Rab. >> We're going to have to get just to cover the basis. >> We have to talk about him. I understand. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Um and and uh and in my life and and then I spent a lot of time, effort, energy, and money, a lot of resource figuring it out. I'm making mistakes. on falling and skinning my knees and if I would have given up all those times I gave up the the length of a job that I would ever hold was probably two maybe three years but that was my my life cycle till I was bored even projects I'm great at getting things I'm a good uh quick start initializer get things moving but then like the monotony of it >> it's not for me and if we could put good people into place and they get it done we started a girls high school the high school that we built well we're talking about Robert so that high school started in my office >> my coaching practice had the the staff The students were a percentage straight from my >> right Rabbi Wallstein, please. >> You got it. >> We have to go back. I have two things to go back to. >> One second. I want to talk about pills and then we'll go we'll go to Rabbi Wallstein. >> Okay. >> Pills are what we're going to call a quick fix. Some people need pills. You need pills. You got to take it. Everybody wants something quick. And when you tell people not to take pills, they get mad at you. Fine. But Abishto created you and created our natural healing machines. Why do we need so many pills? Now, it could be we need pills. It's possible. I fight with my my doctor how much blood pressure pills I need or don't need. Right. So he gave me a bunch I don't even want to talk about this in public either. And so so this didn't work. So try that. So try this. Try that. Both my grandfathers had massive heart attacks in their 40s. >> Really? >> Yes. Uh my uncle is not with us. They he basically signed himself out of the hospital because he had his number I don't know what heart attack. And the doctor said we can't do anything for you. So what am I doing here? Let me go finish shots one more time before I get to the other. >> And he finished >> and he made a few months and he made his way through a lot. Um, but he, you know, the pills weren't helping anymore. He got to the thing. There's only so much the pill can do. It can support, it can assist, displaces, and >> avoiding it would be better off. >> Not avoiding. Address it. Understand ADD is so misunderstood. What is ADD? In my opinion today, I talked about this in the training this morning. ADD is disregulation. It means things are running too fast. Why? Because you're in fight or flight all the time and you don't know how to calm down. >> The when I learned the skills and tools of sematic, part of my ADD just is nail. What's that? Sematic. >> Sematic is the brain body connection of how and how it shows up in the world. I knew how to ground >> and and not there's elements of meditation. What I didn't know then but I know now it's it's underpinned by breath work meditation grounding >> every day >> and presence however you want to practice it. But if if somebody has severe anxiety you could literally can help them discharge the question that what I don't want to get into detail >> just by breathing or exercise >> by breathing. You don't even exercise is also good by the way. You know that 20 minutes of of aerobic exercise of movement is equivalent to a low dose of retalin. >> So rolin right is is speed. It's an empetamine or you could go 20 minutes of exercise. Why wouldn't they prescribe for every kaid that kid 20 minutes of exercise twice a day. >> Every kid who's jumping out of his chair, let him run around the school yard. No. What do we do? You're jumping out of your chair. You lose recess. Sit in the chair. >> Stupid. >> I'm not saying stupid. Counterproductive. >> This is stupid. >> Wait, who's going to suffer? Number 11. >> Tell the kid also >> you clearly need to get out of your chair and run. Guy life run. One second. We're not allowed to do exercise. You know, people gave me a hard time. What are you give shuram? You're a rebby. You teach whatever. How you running in and in in um in um in gym clothes on the street. I was embarrassed. I'm wearing pajamas in the gas. >> Rebelli went onto the treadmill. He said, "I'm probably the only mag that does this and shows this on camera >> with his >> whatever clothes, sport clothes, no sport clothes. does the daff every morning 9:00 a.m. He does the new DAFF on the treadmill. >> Okay, good for him. Call I don't have a problem with that. He's doing it on the treadmill at home. I'm going run running down the street. >> He says, "You should do it." The Rambam says it's a >> movement is important. I see the difference in my life. Of course, I see the difference. I was running go for a run. >> Shabas, I was running somewhere wherever and the guy tells me shabas. I wanted to call you. I saw you in in in in um in a t-shirt with a cap running down the street. Oh, I was far. I wasn't even there. No, not on chabas. Eight of chabas. So on chabas, somebody came over to me. There's only like six people in Brooklyn. We had all come and minion, you know. So he noticed another Eid. He wanted to let me know, you know. Anyhow, >> well, but you guys, it's also this way. Flatbush also. >> Yeah, pap is empty. Flash is empty. >> By the way, I don't know when this is going to come out, but this is smack in the middle of the summer now. Everybody's upstate. >> So depending when this is going to come out, actually, I want to offer your audience something very important. I don't know. I I'm assuming you have an audience of young that are either working or running businesses >> mostly. >> If they're not working or not running businesses and they're in coil, I should say something different. >> It's you could talk to both. It's probably half and half. >> Cole and working. >> Yeah. >> So I I I would like to I I believe in relating to people and trying to be of service and giving something wherever I go, whenever I go and making a kid to in the process. I can't tell you how many hundreds if not thousands of times a someone who grew up either not from or became not from or someone who's not even a Eid will say to me you know you're different than every Jew I ever met >> and I used to wonder it's like a it was like a line I but I hear it I go to an airport I'm I'm I'm walking down the street I'm in the grocery >> again and again >> in the elevator going to a meeting why I I was wondering and the answer is because my matara is my my my key cornerstone stone is make a kidashem. So a person gets a smile, they get a hello nicely. The us versus them piece that we talked about earlier. They don't have that feeling from me. They have a very um welcoming hello in in terms of interaction pattern. So but and it comes from a place of how can I add value? I'm adding value by smiling at somebody. The door man in the building most people ignore >> to anyone. >> Yeah. When I walk into the building, he sees me, his face lights up. You know why? He's getting a good morning. >> Normal. Yeah. >> How you doing? Thank you for watching the door. >> Yeah. He's not getting a shrug. The guy in cleaning my building. >> Yes. >> He always mish. I mish. I'm the only one. I speak to him Spanish. I'm We have a conversation every time I pass him by. >> The only time I speak Spanish is when I order breakfast. Luckily, I order the same thing and I know the four words I need. You should know the Spanish guy when I COME IN. >> RABBI, GOOD MORNING. DO YOU THINK EVERYBODY ELSE IS a rabbi? Good morning. >> I don't think so. >> It doesn't work that way. Wow. He my daughter once came in and she was she was like questioning and she said, "My father, the rabbi." Oh, yeah. Yeah. And he told her what? >> He knows right away. Yeah. My son went in after I came back from Israel. He went to my breakfast place >> and he just said my name. >> Yeah. >> And the guy knew exactly what I need. Tech, tight. >> Just because I'm nice to >> Because you treat people with respect. >> So, you're recommending to the audience to >> I'm not recommending anything. I would I want I want to offer something, but I I don't know what to offer yet. And the answer is going to be grow. Something that's going to help them grow by the time we're done this conversation. Maybe I'll know, maybe I won't. >> And then we'll create a link or something that's we'll get to the end and we'll figure out what we could give them. What what what could be of value >> to help them grow. >> Tell me when I can go back. >> No, you can go. Which one do you want? >> Okay. First time the challenge is >> I started saying that Rabbi Stein the guy from the breath work uh three-hour minion showing minion >> he told me that it is very important to say your full name you were saying about Ezra Mayor yes >> by the way I didn't know when you say the name and it's mentioned it's it's there's a bell upstairs >> so the people say the puss for your name he he he he's the one who who promoted this is the one who promoted the sha that that you should know your name. You should say your name every but you should say your name every day because you've been mur something. So you're saying the pusk you're connecting to your name your identity is showing up. >> So he told me that I have a big problem because everybody's calling me Ari and I'm Aaron. >> So I should >> I got it. >> So he he he said I should have a friend that at least you know once a week he says my full name. >> Um because it's it's it's important for the that's what you said. >> Interesting. Reb Ezra Mayor. Maybe we should write Rebra like it's supposed to be. >> I don't know if it's supposed to be Mayer or mayor, but yeah, my mother wouldn't go with Mayer. >> But your grandfather was a but my mother's not. >> I I'll speak to your mom. >> She will be very happy to talk to you. She'll want to come on the podcast. Really? Oh, you don't know my mom. >> By the way, my mom wants to come on the podcast. >> Oh, can you interview? Well, your mother, you could. Not my mother. >> No, I could interview her, but it's just for the family. She has a crazy story. >> Your mother's a gem. Do you know you you know you don't even know how I know this? I once called your mother. Yeah. You gave me her number. >> My daughter. She wanted to go for school. Yes. Yes. >> But where did did you continue to come? >> By the way, that daughter Miriam Mash showing up any second before she even gets published. >> Amen. >> She went to go Davin. She's a a fabulous girl. Not just because she's my daughter in her own right. She's >> she's the real deal. And she went out to during the summer for for whatever it was a few days and she wanted to go to Davin whatever and and uh it was last minute thing you called I called you Shabas and your mother was having people not having people your mother's a gem >> le >> I don't remember the end the story I think so she it didn't work out then it worked out differently and your mother was so gracious she sent them to somebody else she made arrangements for them >> wow >> and then she had them anyways cuz she wanted to meet them. Wow. Yeah, >> she's a big a real sadist. >> Was a real sadist. >> Not. >> So, going back to the original plan of you being born and raised, I know where your father and mother come from. And where where did you study? You went to Kaidarin. >> It's immaterial. I went to Kimberland. I was enrolled in Kimberland. Good. >> I don't know how much I was present there. Even if I was there, I don't know how much I was there there. You know what I'm saying? Okay. >> It could be it was a good thing my father was a malam in the misad. So I I had like extra >> credit >> extra credit slash you know >> to stay even though you made >> many get out of jail free cards is >> yeah or or poker chips >> I don't know I don't like poker >> there's the famous mush of the poker chips that you give your son >> I know but the word poker is not a Jewish concept so I don't >> I have no idea you learned it >> I did >> gambling is not good so poker poker is gambling poker gambling now I know >> yeah hold on one second We're still busy with where I went to yeshiva. No one cares. >> No, no, no. We're skipping all that. We're skipping 18 years of your life. >> Bottom line is bottom line. I grew up in a flap and yeshiva and yes home. I knew one thing I wasn't going to go whatever. I struggled here and there, whatever. I I have a I have a different kind of godhead. >> I don't have a logical methodical. Actually, if you're learning with the daft, the the that the way you're supposed to learn is is to know just get first. >> Ah, this was the best line of all. >> So, so here's the thing, though. I'm very but I have a I don't have a linear memory the way other people do but is too boring for me so I would struggle with so I was stuck I'd get everything quickly but then I didn't know what I knew right >> I need a lot of repetition but I don't I didn't for sure now I don't still have patience for repetition so it it was a catch 22 for me and and uh yeah I'm just saying So it >> so far you're describing me. >> We have some alignment >> uh abyssal >> and and uh I was you know I was a character. I'm saying I was and and I'm curious. Um they used to call me curious George. I heard when I was a kid growing up they would tell me um curiosity killed the cat. I'd ask a gazillion questions about everything. I need to know everything. >> I have my son like that. >> I always need to know everything. I was curious. >> Were you a redhead? You weren't. >> No was not. I got a little in my beard. >> Two browns. The two redheads ask questions 247. >> Yeah. So yeah, I I I I always need to know. I I was always curious and people would tell me curiosity killed the cats. I said satisfaction brought it back. >> Okay. >> So Okay. I'm curious. Okay. So tell me. And then the next one was the cats have nine lives. So if I use one new >> I'm saying this was when I was little. I'm saying I was uh >> So you were always bright. >> I I was I was bright but I was different. You know what I'm saying? I'm still bright. I'm still different if I'm being honest with myself. >> I'm also an oldest. So you know this maybe why I think it's so important to have mentorship to have to have um older to have someone older than you someone ahead of you somebody in whatever area because to be shah and the truth is I had some mentors ram people who were a little bit ahead of me who like took me under their wing in different tufas of my life >> and I don't know why I was people the just sent me gifts >> just sent me gifts people who who and again I I could be I could be challenging I'm I'm and and and even when I went out into the working and business world, people were kind to me. People were good to me. >> You started in Kylo. >> No. No. I I was working. So, >> you went out business. >> No, I was working working. And what I'm saying >> 16? >> No. Um older whatever 1920 >> 1920 >> before I got married, which was an anomaly and actually had told me to go to college. So, we had a meeting. And he said, "Listen, I you should go to college. Got a degree." >> Really? >> I was like, "School?" >> Not again. >> A class? >> Not me. >> He says, "Yeah, you'll figure it out. Whatever." I said, "If I figure it out, I'll go be an electrician before I'm going to figure out college." Like there like you're too smart. Basically, I'm like, "I know. I'm not going to college." Even later when I started back before the living room was the living room at the beginning of that program, I had a I I was doing things. And so one of my mentors, Demalt, who's a who's a very famous uh well-known psychologist, uh I could say his name, I think him giving me good advice is probably not not a a negative. Although if he doesn't approve of my message, maybe it is. Okay, I'll I'll protect him. Um so he had told me, listen, go become a social worker and it's going to uplevel all your work. You're going to have >> but it's still a college. >> You're gonna Yeah. You're going to have credibility. You're going to have this. You're going to have that. I looked at him. I said, the one thing I'm not doing is becoming a social worker. If you want to send me a degree, that's fine, but I'm not going to school. And the truth of the matter is over the years I it it probably would have gotten in my way for who I am and how I operate it that that wasn't uh that would have put me in a box that I wasn't ready to be in and and I upset a lot of social workers for states. What right do I have to be playing in their sandbox? Answer is I'm not I actually don't look at the world through the lens that they look at the world. >> You create your own sandbox >> and positive psychology which became a thing is not really coaching. And the the smarter social workers are trying to become coaches because I charged more than they did and had better results also. So I felt like it was uh was worthwhile. Again, I'm not making fun of psychology even though I just did. >> The punch line is most of psychology is fear really the essence of it. It's not a tire based approach and it it creates a victim mentality. And if we look at the aggregate in terms of how much psychology is in the world and how messed up people are, people are way messed up ever since psychology has entered the world. >> People were way more resilient and way more tolerant of the world. It could be the world changed also. And I understand you'll give me a counter-argument. >> Why? because they didn't go into it into their emotions. Why were they more resilient? >> Because if you sit around and say, "Wow, wow, wow, poor me. Poor me." >> Uh-huh. You'll be poor me. >> And if you're looking for what's the root of the issue and you're going backwards your whole life, what you focus on expands. Where your attention goes, that's where your energy falls. >> Wow. I can't believe you're saying that. We just had that with Rabbi Stein in Yiddish on a different podcast. He said the same idea. >> It's Matias. >> Yeah. >> So, when you sit in the in whatever you sit, >> what are you looking for? But what are you going to find? So look for a reason. Whatever the bash is doing, he's doing for God. You're going to see terrible things in the world. It's true. It's also it's orchestrated for a reason with a plan. >> There's a grand organized designer. Go God. Grand organized designer is running the world. A perfectly run world. >> And now our job is to look at the prism. You know what prism is? A glass. You shine a light. It has all the rainbow colors. Imagine you cover one color. You know, I don't like pink. Pink is garish. I don't like black. It reminds me of death. Blue is not for me. Blue. I like gold. Well, you're going to ruin the whole thing. You have to look at it in all its colors with all its facets. That's the mayor in me. >> I got to shine that flashlight on the prism. And all the colors have to have equal room to shine equally. >> That's why we're all different. >> That's why we're all different. We'll always be all different. And the challenge is we all crave connection and community, which is a whole separate dialogue, which we didn't talk about. And the thing that we're scared of the most, the reason we don't have community is because we're scared of losing community. We don't have community. Let me explain what I mean. You're going to but I'm telling you in a second. >> Okay. >> So, so I belong. What if I don't feel this and I want to be a different one. >> I'm out. I'm done. >> And now I really don't belong. So, how do I be authentically me within a construct that says you have to do this? >> How >> you can't? So, the thing we all want is community. The thing that prevents us from getting community is the community. >> Wow. >> The balesh. >> It's a catch 222. >> It's a catch 22 cuz we messed it up. Cuz we messed it up. The bump. Again, I don't know enough. I'm a real lit. Right. >> Go for it. Go for it. >> The BMP was mar who farmers, peasants. Didn't care what color shirt they had. Didn't care if they wore a jacket. Didn't care if they spoke English. Yiddish or olive. It didn't matter. >> MDY >> Eden brought them together. >> Any kind of Jew on any level. I'm gonna walk into Saturn tomorrow and say I belong here. You don't >> tell you even better. Some Satma kid is gonna say this long reckle doesn't work for me. I want to wear a short jacket. He's dead, >> right? >> Let's not pick on that just on Satma. >> You understand? So bells. >> So community. The thing everybody craves is connection and community. The thing you can't have if you're going to be authentically you is what? Individuality. >> Everybody wants to be an individual and every individual wants to be part of the club. So, how do we solve this? >> We have to change the rules for the cloud. We have to learn how to be quote unquote a community. >> But you can't if you're going to allow pink t-shirts in the community. The the community is going to fall apart very very soon. >> So, Kabad lets pink t-shirts and they didn't fall apart. In fact, they're a very strong community. Just for the record and I'm not promoting or not promoting. >> It's funny you're mentioning. I just came back from the >> You told me you said and I want to say this. I don't believe that lack of structure is a healthy thing. I think structure is a wonderful thing. But when someone applies to a school, an administrator who should never be allowed near a school, let alone in a position of power in a school, says to a young couple, "You don't go the way your mother goes. Therefore, we're not accepting your kid in this school." What does that even mean? So, you don't go covered and your mother goes covered. I have a clean home. I have a filtered dumb phone. I I don't have internet in my house. My husband do shield three times a day. Still in Clo. I go to work. I support a family. I live a very clean, healthy life. >> Wait, >> you one second. Your mother doesn't go covered. You're not going covered. You can't come here. Your po is g. What do you mean? I'm growing. And here's the punch line to the story. I gave you the parameters. Maybe it's too much information. And this gentleman says, "Pmius doesn't matter. Only >> what? Really?" >> Wow. >> What religion are you in about it? >> What religion are you in? >> And then I get a phone call. How do we navigate this? Don't apply and tell everybody else who applied to leave. Go somewhere else. >> You're hitting a core. I'll tell you what, we have to divide this because yeah, there are these people and this is probably the wrong approach that's killing the the the the reason the community came in the first place from from its core. And it's very very sad. Very sad what you're saying now. It it doesn't it's not one story. It's thousands. >> Hundreds. >> Yeah, >> I have another one. I have another one. But on the other side, there are good stories and there is a reason for structure and it does have a benefit and a positive. I don't think >> that we would have survived today. >> Not true. I disagree. You know why? Cuz I grew up in a system a different system than you. >> You're scaring me. >> If your system is crowd control, then maybe you're right. If your system is crowd control, you're a Belza. The bela was ahead of this curve before a lot of other people. If the system is crowd control, then you're right. You have to crowd control. But if your system is community and growing a community and building the people within the community and creating a culture of growth and development and design, then the people who don't want to fit in will go will slide out. They won't be pushed out. When we built an elitist system, and when I say elite, I don't mean it literally because some of what I what we see as being called elite is actually garbage. Everybody could be that elite. That's not elite. It doesn't cost a lot of money to get myself a a matching jacket and and and and and I could get a haircut like you and >> it's a swipe on a credit card. >> Big deal. That's not elite. But if I live those ideals, if I believe in those ideals, I value those ideals. I understand why they mean what they mean and how they add value and how they build and grow and develop. That's why your neighbor moved out of your building because he saw that this is just it's not pineas. And he wanted pine. He'd rather live next to Goyam and not have to deal with the falsite of people who just put on the jacket and the white shirt and inside the the the I don't know what they're doing. I don't say nobody in your building is doing anything bad. It's not what I mean. >> This this was my big challenge of of Judaism all the years. I saw it only as a there's nothing inside and it took me time until I found it. >> Well, so so I I sat with the Ingaman years ago right before he was married. He was 20ome years old. I don't want to say the too many details >> without names of >> without naming any any details. He was in a a program yeshiva they were doing kulver assurer the manal had one he had two things two two things number one is for you walk out that front door without your your hat you're dead >> and then he had another issue that I'm not talking about on your public >> but he knew that this is going on >> one minute one minute he knew he was very busy with it >> this guy was sitting at my desk in my office he said if I see that guy walking down the street I will kill him with my bear hands. I would kill him with my bare hands. It was wasn't only because of the it was because of some other stuff. So I was asking questions to understand like so how long were you there? What were you doing there? What was the thing? There was nothing going on there. But the thing was that no neighbor, nobody in the neighborhood, nobody in the community should ever see a ba from this thing walking around without a jacket or without a when we started, don't ask me to talk about Rabbi Wallstein. When we started BCA, BCA is bino academy. It was a girl. It's a girls high school that was started for girls who were basically kicked out of other schools and on the street. But the backstory to the story of how the school came out of nowhere in weeks, not months, in weeks from from idea to inception. We launched like in no time that what happened was it wasn't 18 years ago. plus however many years ago was because for a year plus we were doing research to open up a girls high school that was going to be alternative for a mainstream girl. We didn't want to have an alternative high school. We dka didn't want I certainly didn't want to have an alternative high school. What we saw was girls who needed something different to cater to their own sense of self and personality and style without too much quote unquote focus on and more on skills development. And the question was how to create the the the goal was to create a a system that a girl could plug into and be slightly different in the in a positive way in independence in in her own sense of self and strengths and also thrive without feeling like an outcast or different but not to have like a different a school of all difference because then automatically it becomes >> So you do agree that there needs to be some boundaries. 100% structure is the key thing that's missing for all these machina parenting interventions that people are now influencing every aspect of parenting with which is poison. We'll get to there and we're not talking about that right now but I'm just saying it's poison. Why is it poison or poisonous? Because without structure you're killing yourself and your kids. You're destroying your younger kids for sure. >> So some put up more structure just to survive this generation. >> So here's the problem. more structure with so much outside pressure. It's creating a tension and it's not a counterbalance. >> But if they if they do really worry for your pinemius as well, >> yes, >> it will work. >> It won't work. I'll tell you why it won't work. Because they're alienating a percentage a a noticeable percentage of the population. Alienation means pushing away. Yeah. When you're pushing away, >> right? I don't want to talk about anyone, >> but they can't because once they open the gates, >> Yes. >> too many are going to leave. If your people have to be forced to stay in, you actually don't have a community. You have a cult. >> What about Nephus? There is a part that we are >> I got you tell me about and I understand. I was talking to Rashiva who runs a program where kids who are struggling and he said the core issue is Yates and I laughed at him. I said tell me more. But here's here I don't disagree. One minute I I don't disagree. Let me tell you this. Let me tell you the trua. The trufa. Ready? Enroll the people who are not on board in a way that it talks to them where it comes personal for them and they strive to want to be more of what this thing is offering. And if you can't then what are you really offering? >> If you have to twist my arm to do what needs to be done because that's what's required, something's off in that equation. Either I wasn't enrolled properly or I was pushed away and I don't want it anymore. >> But the numbers are too big. The casus is too big to be individualized and personalized and strive individualism. It's not Yeah. >> Really? Tell me if you were running a company where you have to force your employees to come to work every how long would your company stay on the planet for? >> I run a company. People don't like the rules of this company. >> Most of the company is going to keep coming. >> Why? >> Cuz most of them I'm not forcing them. Most of them are happy. uh or >> there's a certain percentage >> or they're just checking a box or it's easy or it's comfortable >> or they don't know if there's something else available to them. >> Okay, >> I got it. >> But imagine that a noticeable percentage of the company >> Yeah. What what is 10%. >> Maybe it's 10, maybe it's 40, maybe it's 60, maybe it's 80, I don't know. >> Ah 80 wouldn't survive. >> 80 wouldn't survive the company. 60 wouldn't survive either. Neither would 40. >> 20 would >> maybe. >> So that's >> and it would drag down the whole company. >> It is >> right. So then what do you say? What? So what do you say? Get rid of that 20% and now you have a thriving company. Fire them. >> No, they're forcing the 20% to stay. >> No, fire them. Don't force them to stay. It's the worst thing ever. >> Forcing someone to stay who doesn't want to be here actually ruins the company. It kills the energy of the whole company. >> So that's probably what's happening. >> And what if it's not only 20%. What if it's more? >> That's very scary. >> Maybe it's less. I don't know. But let's ask the question this. So what if we look at the numbers and we say hold on there are these top three challenges, issues, struggles going on and we we mitigate the struggles and challenges because we understand them well. We understand there are people and we set up a a structure not management but a structure of mentors a structure of mentoring of mashkim of of of madriim that are able to maintain a warmth a kasher dialogue and and those help the next star and the next star >> they are integrating that uh >> and and and when you see early identification of someone who's struggling you say wait this is a symptom in all likelihood what's really going on how can we help them out now there's mental health challenges significant ones there's real significant medical does medical challenge yes and no but if we cater to if a if a strategy for dealing with a mental health challenge is to throw a thousand resources at it then there's an incentive to be a mental health case right even if you're not if misdiagnosis is a thing and it is a thing right >> right so and we don't call it out we don't try to find a way around it right >> I I got a call whatever I had a client that that had real deficits medical challenges medical emotional And uh then they couple got married, was living their life, whatever. They went to uh someone else got involved helping. I sort of slid out of the picture for a few years. I get a phone call. I get called down. We had a family family discussion. And this Yingaman was put through bordering on experimental level, brain damaging level uh interventions and medications. He didn't He was a zombie. >> Wow. >> He wasn't a mench. He was nobody there. >> Wow. >> I got back involved. I I shifted around the team already. I I cut out some of what was going on. I held on to some other pieces, created some some other structures. They're a thriving couple right now. >> They're doing incredibly well. Again, >> you do buy as well. >> No, it's not a typical situation, but I had a legacy. This was someone I I worked with them 20 years ago and and I'm I'm comfortable. >> What did you do 20 years ago that that >> 20 years ago was I again I'm very cautious. Everything's like top secret in what I do. Then I was working much more with teens, a struggling teen, a situation, a family system, challenge, issue, whatever. A housing, job, uh, therapy, whatever. Just putting it all together and building. >> So cases started coming to you. >> Cases. Yeah. For we going back, we're going back 25 years ago now. >> So this is this structure. I'm still I'm still auctioning. We're still going to go through this. After Yeshiva, I need to know how you get to Rabbi Wallace. It's not out of the blue. You're telling me a quote about about Rabbi Wallace, but I don't know how you got to him. I went into working world and I I hopped from job to job. I did my I did my thing and each one I I sort of skipped and I I I learned a skill, a tool and and I realized this was not my place and then I went to learn skill, a tool, a thing and I went to the next place. >> So give me the the stepping stones. >> So I was six different jobs and then I got to I was working for a technology company as a sales manager for the east coast and then part of the Midwest. >> What did you sell? >> Um today you know about what's called IP telephones where you could talk over the phone on internet. At the beginning of that technology, I was involved in that technology piece actually beling man. I worked for a roy le owns cophone. >> He had another company called Page Industries and I worked in page and then I left. >> Um I went to another company in between I need to I gave him notice. I told him I'm going to another company but I don't know where I'm going. I don't know when. I just don't want you to leave you hanging. So he tells me come on just tell me where you're going. I said I'm I have tremendous to you. I don't want to leave you hanging. I can't afford to stay here. It's not going where I thought it would go. I'm not asking you for more. I'm just saying I got to go, but and >> I'm leaving. >> I'm going, but I'm giving you enough thing. And by the way, I might have to go for interviews here and there during the day. I I'm giving you a heads up. >> Yeah. >> And very graciously saddic of a man. >> Yeah. >> I interviewed him for huge him and his wife. They run a company. They they deal they give out tons of >> every shield in Bak has his tissues for free >> besides for that. >> That's just another side thing that he does. >> Sure. Yeah. It's big. >> Yeah. >> Um and then so this is how the Aisha works. There was a lady who worked for a British company that I tried making a partnership between a room company and that company and whatever reason he didn't go to the meeting. So I went to the meeting. I met them all. M >> and then the lady who used to work as the assistant for somebody in that company left her job and started working for DHL and was looking to get new clients. So she went back to all the contacts she remembers from her old job called uh Paige looking for me. They said I left. I don't work there anymore. >> And she went to find me. She tracked me down >> and the company that I had tried making a partnership with Oh. So, she called the the salesperson, the sal the the VP of sales in that company. Do you have a follow-up number to get a hold of Ezra? >> Wow. >> I want to get his account wherever he went. >> And so, she knew my cell phone number cuz we organized a meeting. The CEO flew in from London and what I met the whole team. I met the whole suite and and uh I was on the way. I was driving from San Francisco to San Jose. I was going to San Jose for some business thing. I was I didn't even know what I was doing next or I did, but uh I was on the fence. It wasn't it wasn't going to be it was a stepping stone. I knew I wasn't staying. And and this lady calls me and says, "Uh, I'm looking to hire somebody for to cover the East Coast for our company. You know, the product, you know, the dealer network. You you work for the like everything that you would need to get up to speed except for the actual technology is you have you met everybody in London. They don't have to interview anyone. I don't have to pay recruiters. Here's the top level salary and benefits package that I have ready. Please say yes. Turn around. Get on a plane and go back home. Wow. Fly out to California. It was Pis. It was wasn't it was between P and Pak. And I said, "I'm sorry. I have Passover. I have this. I have that." Day after Pisak, I put away the dishes. The next morning, I got on a plane. I flew to California for training the technical. I spent a week with their with their team to understand their technology and that was it. I had a new job and I was making >> I got a six figure income like uh with with the benefits package. >> I would have gone in now to a whole conversation about this and how Hashem will give you the job of your dreams if you just open for it. >> You know how I knew it was the right job for me? I was sitting literally four days before getting a parking ticket on 7th Avenue in Manhattan double parked or in the car. The traffic agent I said I'm here says no standing. I said I'm not standing. I'm sitting. I like that. >> I'm sitting. >> I'm going to use it. >> He's like, >> "You got Walter, you got this one." >> Anyhow, >> I'm not standing. I'm sitting. >> You listening to all of this? >> You're not bored? >> You add enough to to realize like we're bouncing. We don't even know yet who he is. >> He's smiling. >> One second. Can you show me my closeup, please? >> Okay, that's good. And his nice. Okay, >> so so I'm sitting in the car. I had just left one job where I knew it wasn't enough. I took this other job which was it wasn't the right thing. It was a it was it was okay. And I told the guy I'll try I said I don't want it. It's not the right thing for me. He said try it for for for n try it for six months or try it for a year. I said I'll give you 90 days or whatever I told him whatever I told him I I was mim I would do. >> And then I was sitting in the car and I it was a pump pilot days. I was sitting on a pump pilot. I was doing math and I was making how much do I need >> to live >> to to like what is my next step and I came up with a number >> that you need to live >> that not not only do I need to live but I that this is my income I'm going for. >> You're making me believe that when you put that number on a paper stuff move in your life. >> The lady says to me I will give you and she says the number that was on my calculator. >> Listen to me. >> She said the words to me >> now I really believe this. You you believe in this in this the >> it when you plan something 100%. You know >> I'm coming back. I need to go make a I'm coming back. >> I'm gonna tell you you would do it. Not only I'm going tell like this. I was in Panama. Wait >> in January with a with this January January 2020 2025. >> I was in Panama. I'm sitting >> Walter. We got to put on paper how much we want to make. >> I'm sitting I'm sitting with the CEO of a company. We're doing a off-site planning slash a little vacation whatever. Okay. In the middle of the meeting, it was the middle of the afternoon. It was a little bit stressful. It was very intense. I say to him, "I need to have a number." He says to me, "Stop asking me to make up a number. Whatever it is, it is whatever it'll be. It'll be It's up to Hashem. It's not up to me. Stop making me give you a number." I said, "I heard you. I agree with you. Now give me a number." He says, "I can't just I need data. I make decisions based on data. I don't just pull things out of a hat." I said, "I understand." It got a little heated, like very passionate heated. It was there other people in the room. They're looking at us. It looked like it was going to be It was And I'm not moving. I'm sitting. I'm We're like even closer than this. I think we're on the same couch even. I said, "I hear you. I got I I'm with you, but I don't have a number from you. So, I want to tell you that until you give me a number that you actually feel and believe, we're not getting there. So stop saying you're not giving me a number and give me I don't care if it's a low number but give me a real number. Who knows in the market and the people in the All right. I heard you. I got you. But let me tell you something. You ding every day? Yeah. You d for? Yeah. How much you ding for whatever dish wants to send me? Liar. I tell him you're a liar. You're lying. You're lying to yourself. You're lying to me. Until you don't give me a number, I don't believe you're actually dating. The minute you give me a number, it's a number you're scared of. You're going to start davening for real. We're going to upgrade your doining after this trip. You're going to ding differently. You pick a different number. >> What's his name? >> I can't tell you his name. >> Yeah, I was kidding. You don't I wanted to throw you off. >> Wow. >> And he gave me a number. >> Wow. >> He gave me a number and things are climbing. It's moving. We'll see this year. We'll see. >> Oh, how long ago is this? >> January this year. >> Wow. >> Let me tell you something even crazier. I come home and I'm looking I have a document I started two and a half years ago where I plan my week and I look at my month and my quarter. Just a quick thing celebrating wins. I'm working on it was post surgery. I'm trying to I need to anchor myself on certain things even a little tiny lessons wins insights. Two years and one month to the date before I wrote business owners trip to Panama for planning and fun took two years to happen. It's true. Maybe it was one year. It's one or two years. I don't remember if it was 23 or 24. It's in that document. And I only saw it because when the document opened, I was scrolling for something and all of a sudden I like jumped off the page. I saw Panama because I was just in Panama like what? I planned this trip two years ago. I'm slow. I'm slow. I wanted to call a doctor. Dude, I'm slow. >> Yes, it works. Number one. Number two. Um, does it work on your timeline? No, because we're timeline is not really. Number three, do you really believe it? And is it really good for you? And is now the right time for it? So maybe based on what you just said. >> There's a lot of variables. Something is going to happen though. >> Something is absolutely going to happen. There's no shallow. And here's the other thing. This was we're going to go to September 11. So I'm working for this. >> Not yet. I need to go up the chain. >> We're not up the chain. It's already 19. >> Nobody knows. If you do shimbias, if you do psychedelics, if you do how did you get what do you have to do? >> I did. Okay. Rabbi Austin was like my brother. Rabbi Wing came. So I'll give you back. How did it happen? Fine. I'll tell you the story. >> It has to come from somewhere. You didn't fall from the >> I got the story. I'm married. I have a kid or two, a second kid. I'm working for Romy Le. I'm I'm I'm living in an apartment. I'm I'm basically getting by. I'm trying to grow. It's >> I'm already by the lady who gave you the job you wanted. >> The next one, right? >> It's 2000ish. 1999, maybe. 1999. I go to I come back from the country in 2001 like everybody else and my company's in the middle of a transition. We're in the middle of launching a new product with a new dealer network. It was there was a Toshiba product. There was going to be a product, a Nortell product and a different product. >> What changes? >> And September 1101 happens 911. >> Where are you in your life? Are you a member? >> I'm not a Hula member. I'm part of an ambulance company, Benson Volunteer Ambulance. Oh, it's a different uh >> it's a ship. >> But you are an EMT already. A few bunch of years. A lot of years. >> Bunch of years. And you you're supposed to run to the >> Yeah. And not empire. And not only that, I'm going to tell you even better. During that summer, the summer of 01, I was in the country and I barely had a job because the company was in transition. They wanted me to maintain some relationships, but there was I didn't have to travel every week. I was on a plane for two years, every other week for I was away for three, four days. Um I I um I got to be home in the country. So I was uh in Katkulla for the summer. There was a little camp yeshiva in the place where I was. I was in the yeshiva with them in the morning. I hung out with the book. >> What's the name of the >> I don't remember. >> You wereickle police officer also >> not yet. Not yet. I actually I was in a bang I was in a place a few years ago and I met a guy who remembers me. He was one of the boys now. He's a he has already or more. I was very cute. He's like you remember me? way back then. Um, and anyhow, September 11 in the morning. Um, I'm not a morning person. >> You're sleeping where? >> Home. >> Still not a morning person. >> Still not I'm a little better, but I'm not a morning person. That's one thing we don't have in common. >> I'm a night owl. >> I was My wife transitioned me. >> Not me. So, so um >> September 11. >> 9 a.m. You still sleeping? >> No, it was a little before the first plane hit. I was going till 9:00 a.m. shaklas. So, okay. Maybe I was a little late at the at night. I don't remember cuz I'm still home >> and all of a sudden my phone's ringing. I had a pager beeper with a display the everybody's getting to like what's going on. And I had a a a friend and a guy who I wrote on the ambulance with Le'Vy lived right out my back window around the corner. I don't know why he didn't go to work. Maybe he was home that way. I had just given back my radio, my catalula radio, Tatsula like three days before mammish that that week or whatever. And and what kids are we got to go we got to go get an ambulance and we got to go. My wife wasn't home the pink that minute. I don't know. >> You knew what happened? >> No. Plane hit the towers like no knew what happened. People thought it was a mistake. This Yeah. Then I get a kite from the thing. >> Why are you running? >> I didn't run anywhere. I stayed. I stayed put. I I should have gone to Sheila. I didn't go to Sheila. I was home. I was on the phone. I don't know what I was doing. I was trying to figure out what was going on. If I was going to if I wasn't going to go. Anyhow, Ley ends up in my house and he's like, "We got to go. We got to go." go. I said, "Lavy, we're not going anywhere until I put on." He says, "Kikushes, we got to go." I said, "This is an all day event. I'm not getting back here before." I remember when the truck bomb 10 years before, it was a whole day doing nothing. >> Where was that? >> In the B in the basement of the Twin Towers 10 years earlier, there was a truck bomb. A van exploded. It was a whole day of just basically hanging around. But really? >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> Who was there? Al-Qaeda as well. >> Yeah. The beginning. That was the first idea. Really? >> Yeah. It's an old story. >> And the first idea didn't work at all. >> It didn't really work so good. It takes a lot more than a van blowing up to knock down the building. Made some damage in the parking garage. So, so um >> you remembered. So you said my filling. >> I'm putting on fill. I'm not going home till tonight. I'm putting on my filling. Told me we got to go. Said Levy shrike. I put on my fillain. I said Kishma. I took off my filling. I left it in a pile. My talis and filling on the table. We got into the car smoking tires. Got an ambulance. Loaded up equipment. Put in a bunch of people >> and we're driving towards the >> Twin Towers. those twin towers. Meanwhile, the next plane already hit for >> when are you realizing that this is serious? We knew by the second plane hit there was like bada this is terrorism and and even the first one it was like the radio was saying 1010 was saying oh and it was saying 80 was saying whatever >> what were you facing you you knew what you're facing >> no idea and no one thought the towers were going to come down we figured it was a lot of smoke inhalation a lot of people exhaustion coming down all the stairs >> no dead people you didn't think about that >> dead people was going to be not a gay we're in the treatment >> safe people >> and there's a story luck is coming. He's trying to bring his father something >> his father's Edgar. >> Uhhuh. >> So So they used to call my little brother. >> Really? >> Yeah. >> Oh. >> Somehow. >> So you were also involved in Amuim >> before at the beginning of ammud. Yes. Really? Sure. Yeah. The original plan that >> every mental health problem in the community. Not every number there the the original plan that that um that submitted to to men when he told him you got to give me a plan. I spent probably a day and a half with in an office taking apart and putting together the plan and then we were all done. We had a good plan. We were ready to go and I looked at the plan. I said we forgot one problem. He said what's that? I said your whole plan is based on people coming and going. That's not how it's going to work. They're going to come and they're going to stay. it. This is a budget that's gonna just keep climbing astronomically. You're never climbing out of this. The numbers are not gonna fly. >> And you still whatever he went for it. Yeah. >> No way. >> Um back to September 11. Hold on. So we're in the ambulances. We get to the tunnel. There's a whole taramki. They're not letting cars go. You're in an ambulance. We're coming. We're going all the different gone to the moon. The tunnel's blocked. People are stuck inside the tunnel. I found out something two weeks ago. You can't even make this up. I'm going to tell you something. I found out two weeks ago. I found out something from September 11. I'll tell you in a minute. So I'm in >> today we're going I tell you're not allowed to go by yourself. You can't drive into this thing by yourself. He come with us. Get into the caravan. We're going ambulances. Whatever. We met up. He's in the middle of ambulance in front back. We get to the thing. I'm sorry. We're not letting a car one person go. You have to have five people in the car. Like what do you mean? I get I sell you know something. I tell my friend you go. I'm going to go with in the car. We're going together anyways. We'll come to the other side. He'll go find his father. We'll do. We get to the next thing. Nope. You can't go. They threw two Atula guys into the back seat with us. We start driving again. They stop us. There's room for another one. A fireman. An offduty fireman. >> Wow. >> They would pack this car like sardines where his old crown victory >> towards Manhattan. >> Towards Manhattan in the Brooklyn bound side in the outbound tube. We're going this way. >> Leave ahead. A few cars. He comes out. He gets up to the top of the thing and the tower comes down. Takes off the light from the side of his ambulance. That's how close he was. minute. If I didn't put on and I would have listened to him, I have a picture of where we were going. I don't think we would be here timewise. >> I put on my phone and and say run out the door. >> Probably 90 seconds. >> 90 2 minutes. You saved your life by putting on fil 12 people's lives by putting on film that morning. >> Yeah, I didn't see it right away. I only saw in in the replay later. I was like, wait, this there was there's all these moving pieces. This one there was a argument. We fought about it. He's tell you, what are you doing? We got to go. I'm like, I'm not I am not leaving without there's 100 people there. There's a thousand people there. We're not even going to get close to there. Leave me alone. We're gonna be there a whole day. Wow. Yeah. I used to tell the story. I used to get like uh worked up a little bit. Okay. >> Wait. You said you just found out something two weeks ago. >> Two weeks ago. I'm sitting Friday night by my neighbor's house. Uh stepsister's father's first wife. My neighbor. And somehow September 11 came into the story and Mrs. Statfeld is telling the story. She's a few cars away from the end of the tunnel on the Manhattanbound side when the tunnel collapsed and the thing started filling up with smoke and somebody was having an asthma attack and they didn't know where to go and they ended up and I said, "Wait a minute. You know where I was with while you were on the tunnel? We were on the the other side. They were coming here. They were stuck in traffic for two hours, an hour, what, however long. I don't know time, an hour, 45 minutes. I was on the other side of that wall in the tube going this way making a U-turn with the smoke thinking we were dead. I said I said that's it. It's over. What we saw that cloud of smoke coming through into the tunnel. We were sure the tunnel just got blown up cuz they're blowing up stuff and we're drowning. >> There was no way out. >> There was no way out. We were trapped and all of a sudden we see this cloud ripple >> Brooklyn uh battery tunnel. >> Yeah. >> And you >> So could you imagine >> how long did it take for you to get out of the tunnel? Uh, we made a U-turn, the guy, whatever. We took We had >> You were breathing all this in >> some of it. The car filters were all bucked. The car died after two days because it was so fit the night. >> And how did you breathe in there? >> I don't know. We did. >> You never had problems? >> I know. I went for testing. But no. And the other thing that I did, I don't even know what possessed me. You when I left that morning, I took stuff. I took a mask. I don't even like m I couldn't wear a mask. All co I have trauma from them. I wore a mask on September 11. The rest of the afternoon we got there. It's a whole separate the whole day I was there at Keter or most of the day. Um and but I went with with covering on my face. Most people didn't wear covering on the face. I did. >> You had >> I had I brought with me. >> Why did you have Oh, I still remember have >> Yeah. I don't know. I had I thought about I was training I'd gone to a lot of trainings on bombings and explosions and I used to go to all these trainings. So I put extra equipment in my pocket. I took a disposable camera. I have some pictures like from >> Really? >> Damut. Yeah. And then last year >> you can still send them to me. >> Yeah, probably. >> Wow. >> And then last year last year um she left and they they're very they did do boats. They're in the water a lot whatever and they asked my friend to come with a boat take the kala home to from the by boat and uh I told him I'll go with him by boat to the to marina del up the hudson but I don't know if I'm going to do it and I ended up on the boat anyways on the way home. However, I ended up there. It wasn't supposed to work out that way. It did. And at 1:00 in the morning, 2:00 in the morning on September 11, you know where I was standing on the Boto behind where the Twin Towers were down. And I looked up. It's 2:00 in the morning. I'm I'm like they woke me up. I was sleeping downstairs in the bottom. It's a nice >> How long ago? >> Last year, I was standing and I just looked around and I said, "Wow, Basher, I'm coming out of my eye surgery. I'm starting to see again. I'm starting to recalibrate." My whole story was I I'm gonna get to what my story line was said and I'm looking at the glass on the building the way they redid it and I said I see in my in my mind's eye this whole thing blown out dust you know whatever and here I am standing here I'm how is it even shak I'm standing here okay so after September 11 um by the way there's a fascinating story I don't know if I told you I told somebody else Jennifer this woman I worked for who who lived in Seattle Washington left. She couldn't get through to me. She left me a voicemail. The voicemail was like this. I know you. I'm sure you're down there helping at ground zero. The company can wait as long as it's necessary for you to do whatever you do. Don't worry about us. We're fine. You'll come back to work when whenever you're done down there. I hope you're safe. So, so I had to leave. I drove I drove Rabbi Glacior Edgar around for a few days after he he had scratched corners. That's interesting. >> Um, >> you didn't think of that? >> No. >> Take your time. I'm thinking about it. >> Just noticing it's a it's links. When it pops out, it'll pop. >> Wow. >> And uh we almost got shot one day. He taught me a very important lesson where >> everything was shut and we were going to the Port Authority places. He was a chaplain. He he's a port authority chaplain. So we we would go from from the place in Jersey to the place in JFK. What we would go to these different places and so that security >> the chaplain would come and console people and just reassure. We did Kufa after >> with the next day September 12, 13, 14, one of those days. So we were going into the tunnel. We were coming out of port authorities offices in by the Lincoln tunnel into >> Manhattan. I interviewed the the the main guy once for for >> Friedman. What's his freedom? Abe Friedman. >> Abe. Sure. Yeah. >> Abe took me around and he got me to the chief >> the chief of Port Authority. >> Still alive? >> I don't know. >> He had the masa very heavy. >> Yeah. >> I don't know if he's still alive. He gave me one of these coins. >> A little coin. Yeah. And I didn't uh value it. Well, >> it's probably good for the cops if they pull you over. >> I don't know. I don't know. I don't know if anybody cares anymore today. >> No, >> but we were coming into the tunnel and next thing I know, a machine guns pointed out my head. >> What? >> Everything was closed. Everything was shut. >> They're only letting emergency vehicles in. I was driving in his car, whatever. So, he told me a Huffle deck. >> Your screen changed colors. He told me he told me that. Oh, time. >> Yeah. >> He told me >> Yeah. screen saver every few hours. How many hours in are we? >> Two hours. Three, >> two, >> if you want to take a break, you let me know. >> Yeah, I want a drink of water at some point. But here's the thing. >> Just over two. >> Yeah, >> just over two. Um, he said, "Let's work with respect, but if not, then fear." So, it became a cl for me that I work with everyone with respect, but if you don't respect me, then you're going to fear me. Huh? >> Think about that. >> When you said it in his name, I didn't think of it that way. I thought we even if we fear, we can still go forward. >> We could also, but I'm talking about how to how to interact with officials in different capacities and you need to get what you need to get done. He was a clown mench in in ways that he was trailblazing. Still alive. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Wow. Why did you go in his car? >> I guess I was filling in for I told you he was my little brother. license. I was driving him. I don't know. I was helping out. I like service. I told you I'm I like to help people. >> Um >> Wow. >> So, so I want to anchor the story. But so there was there were lessons learned all the way. Even in this traumatic events, there were lessons learned. Real real lessons learned or being learned. And then and then sometime later, I was I was in hotel in in Atlanta. We were releasing the new product finally. and and uh and it was it was the morning and I was sitting on the floor in my hotel saying tell him I'm crying vining again. I'm not a big cry so >> I I was something brought me back to September 11 and I I just didn't know who I was. I don't know what I was doing. I don't know why I was here. I don't know I was lost. I don't get lost very easily at that level. I was lost. And >> what do you think happened or >> something about September 11 came back to me >> and you lost >> I I just went back there. I I don't know. It It loses interest in life. Like when when someone sees so much death around him, does he lose like how would you explain it? Because I I know a few people that experienced that maybe in lower levels, but you know, one of the most moving stories, it's a whole long story. I I don't want to tell the whole story here, but I saw leadership on display. There was a captain of the rescue company, the rescue company and fire department, city of New York. is the ones who run into a burning building to save fallen firefighters. And this gentleman was probably in his 50s running a team that was still trying to find anyone who was alive after the towers collapsed. And he was completely exhausted. He was cramping, total dehydration. And he came to the to the Hatala command center that was stuck there in the middle. We had food. We had water. I was wearing Rabbi Gluck's helmet. It said chief with five stars. I had no idea what people are asking me. I was 25 years, 27 years old. The the whole day people are asking me instructions. I'm like, why are they asking me questions? Till I saw pictures >> till I saw pictures later. I had no idea. I'm walking around with a white hat with with with with chief on the side. >> How we even found where we luck is cuz I was wearing that hat in the back at car and the lieutenant stopped us and said, "You can't go there." And I rolled down the back back window halfway. I said, "Sir, we need to go." He's like, "Okay." And he just wow. I I didn't know we none of this made sense in the minute. There's like blanks throughout the day that in weird moments of time talking to people that like I felt comfortable with all of a sudden like >> you realize >> like a flag would pop and be like, "Oh, I'd fill in fill in like Yeah. Not style. >> Wow. >> A whole lesson in trauma in and of itself." So, so he comes in and basically they take his pressure and he needs IV and they give him one large bin, a big bag and the water is like and they give him the other one and someone came with sandwiches from like Essen Coney big huge sandwiches and the fireman was standing there and they just leaned forward no hands in Gaban. >> They in this the day of >> the day of >> day of ready dehydration and everything. >> Sure. You run around in in 60 lbs of gear jumping up and down for 4 hours straight. It's the craziest workout you had in your lifetime. >> Wow. >> And uh and I tell him, "Listen, sir, we got to take you to the hospital. This is not safe." And he just goes like this and he starts ripping the thing out of >> cuz he wants to go out. >> He wants to go out. Go, I got to go. Whatever. And uh the protocol is if you give someone an IV. Starts trying to explain to him. One of the paramedics there. Guy looks him in the eye. I'm standing a foot from his face. Let me tell you something. There's five rescue companies in New York City. There's only one person qualified the way I am to find any firemen and get them out of this mess that we're in right now. If you think I'm going to a hospital right now and I'm not going to do my job, I'm going to go out there and I'm going to do my job and I'm willing to do it. I'm This is something whatever. And if I die trying, it was a life well-lived or some version of that. I don't remember the exact the the the way he said it was such like I run into burning buildings to save people's lives. Oh, you think I'm going to a hospital now? Like are you crazy? But he said it with like a that's leadership. That's leadership. >> It was a lesson for him. Oh, did that land for me? I spoke about this. I told the story over to a group of people in um in Fort Bragg in the biggest uh military base in the US in North Carolina. Fort Bragg. the shabaton chaplain the some military people there was uh and I I I used the the lesson of leadership from from this captain what's his name from I don't remember I wish I would I would I still alive >> I should find him >> let's go look for him >> we should >> I would love to go with you just for that to meet him >> tell him his lesson and come back home >> if I could track him down and find him I would love to meet him >> well we will okay >> we have I know who to ask Google we have AI >> I'll call someone to fight the bomb that's it >> I'll find him >> we're going to find him >> we'll find him >> I want to come along >> no from. >> You're invited. >> Wow. >> I've thought about going to find him a few times, >> but we should do it. >> Yeah. There's a there's a policeman that whose life I saved. Also, how I saved this guy. >> How >> I was going to fill up with gas and I have a rule when I'm in the ambulance. If you're filling up, you know, wherever you're going, wherever precinct you're going through, you just listen to the to the police radio. You know what's going on around you if something's happening. And all of a sudden, I hear on the radio, get me a bus on a rush. My partner is down. Something whatever the cop the guy's yelling. I'm saying it very nut. Where is it? Where? How far is he? >> I have no idea where it was. But I am listening to the area where and I'm listening where where where finally the guy starts saying. I look up. I said I'm one two blocks from where this guy is. >> So you started running. >> We go jumping there. We got to another guy's car. Everybody's flying whatever. And this guy got hit by he was chasing uh uh uh >> the two cops were chasing. No, they were running in the street chasing somebody. Okay. >> And a motorcycle was speeding. Came and hit the cop and went sent them flying and he landed. So both guys got hit. the the >> the motorcycle no perpetrator or who the motorcycle I don't know there was somebody who was lying under a car saying please help me >> and there was the cop in the middle of the road and something called Cushings when you have a severe brain injury you go like into a frog position kind of thing and it's like minutes this is people don't survive this >> oh my god >> people don't survive this >> so so I I turned to whoever was there I said just get some get somebody to help him we I was there with another we were in the ambulance together we scooped them up We got him into the back of the ambulance. We went to Lutheran Hospital. The cop the paramedics I don't know if the paramedics jumped in the back with us or not. I don't remember because they came by then, but we were the the we were right there. I'm saying the doors to the ambulance. We just threw them in the thing. We started going. The cops made an escort us to to Lutheran. I we were flying. We they were going so fast. But he was in an O in in minutes. And so they took a part of his brain. They put it inside his kishkas to support it while it was healing. He had terrible ble bleeding in his brain. They do this. It's a a strategy. >> Too much information. >> Gross, right? >> But Lamasa, he could have gone with threequarters pay and retired from the police department >> and he chose to stay on and he works. He has an administrative job inside the police department. >> I went to visit him in the rehab. I gave him a book on parenting. He had two two kids, a teenager. No, a good one. Easy one. I wrote him a little note. >> THE GUY ALMOST DIED. >> YEAH, but he was stuck a year in a rehab. He's going to come home to his kids. He wants to be able to like connect with them. >> This is amazing. >> And uh >> we should go meet him, too. >> No, he doesn't want to meet me. I reached out. >> Why? >> I reached out and he said he doesn't want to. >> What? >> I I I respect it. >> Do you mind thinking through why he wouldn't want to see you? >> None of my business. I respect >> Can you give me one reason why somebody would >> I didn't think about it. I It's not important. He doesn't want to remember it. He's not interested. It doesn't matter. >> Wow. >> Doesn't matter. >> Scary for me. >> I don't know. It's fine. >> Wow. Maybe the fire chief also doesn't want to meet you. >> Oh, so any so so so let's get to the punch line. You want how do I meet Rabstein? So I got to >> wait. How do you bal get to mental health and and where does where does the living room come in? So those steps just those steps >> so so I was tutoring already when I was in Miss Madrish. I was tutoring like one kid here another kid there. I have >> the guy that didn't like and didn't and and just didn't want >> I didn't like it. I just didn't I didn't do what they wanted me to do. >> Okay. And now you're teaching. >> I'm helping a little bit. I could help a little bit. It was good for me. It gave me a little Yes. It gave me a little >> I thought you were working. >> Before I >> Before working, you were tutoring. >> I was already tutoring. And then afterwards, I picked up a kid here. I picked up a kid there. I had a >> while doing the jobs. While doing all these work, you had a kid here, a kid there. >> And what mazik? >> Yeah. mentoring, helping, talking, whatever. Yeah. >> They send you. >> Yeah. Go out for lunch, have them come over to the house, whatever. >> Doesn't it become like a net? I I I people reach out to me to get me bim like that, like one year, one there. I know I can help a lot of bim, but I'm too in my bubble of producing. >> Okay. >> So, I'm not getting really opportunities. And there's this one that calls me. So, I'm thinking if I get one or two more like this, my life is going to be jammed because they they're going to keep >> my life was jammed. I had three. every five minutes. I >> I don't take calls every five minutes. I have a lot of boundaries, but I had more than one kid and I and in more than one case, if you will, you know, >> they become like your children on steroids. >> Not style. My kids didn't didn't require that level of attention sometimes. And and I I feel like I worked three full-time jobs. Bam. >> Wow. So, so I I had this stuff going on and then um I >> When was the first time you like officially touched this field besides the book there living room was the first thing? >> I probably had I had there was a mentoring program way back when I signed up to be like an official mentor. >> What was it called? Something for what? For coaching OTVs for No, no, no. For just kids who are struggling in in school like Yingaman should come take. By the way, I I forgot a very important line. I don't know if I should cut it or paste or when I spoke about Belle's I needed to give credit. I was now inul >> and I met that they are working tirelessly to bring in a program. They introduced this and it's working already working like crazy good. >> They have an EV yeshiva for every year. They have a separate mag for the I'll call this adds but the misfits all the misfits they stay in yeshiva they're part of the entire program but they have a separate mag beautiful >> for tiny group the max is 18 and the one I met his name is Freriedman boy what he's doing for these bim is not only saving their life he's not only he's saving the entire family and maybe the entire neighborhood for each and every book of this >> I saw his work he's a youngster he's probably 25 26 He gives them his soul, >> right? >> And I want I know one of these bim I know personally and I knew he was struggling here and now he's dal there >> and what the program is doing for him. I didn't believe this book is going to survive at all. He was a friend of my son and that's how I knew him and he calls me from time to time. But what this program is doing and he called me over already three four times to speak for them and sometimes he calls me on Zoom to speak for them. He does them like shish and does >> he takes a private 3-hour session daily for each ba separately. So it comes out that once a month he sits with someone for three hours. >> Wow. >> He starts with a supper at home. >> Wow. >> And then he take he has a a system that he says before three hours they're not going to open up. >> Not true. >> I'll tell you what. I'm going to make you an offer for the singan. >> For the whole bells. >> I don't know if I want to do it for free for the whole bells. For the singan. No seriously. >> Okay. >> Put him on the phone with me for 20 minutes. >> Wow. >> I will give him two or three tools hacks straight into the system. really into the BHA system that he opens up >> instantly. Doesn't need 3 hours. >> You're listening to this Freriedman. You reach out. We're going to hook you up with Rabbi Ezra. This guy's giving his soul and he's that good that they put him in two yeshivas. So, >> I think I think I'm allowed to tell the story. I might be embarrassed later. I might I might have decide to cut it out. >> I don't know. No, there's a there's a famous person in the business world who's in the middle of writing his number five or number six book. And in his book, he talks about his teenager and what he's trying to do, whatever. And he I was at an event where he was speaking for 3,000 people. He was the keynote speaker for 3,000 people. And he came with his mother, with his son, and with his assistant. I had wanted to pitch him on writing a book in the business world for parenting for business people who want to when I say parenting, I'm talking about building your kids self-esteem, developing a real dynamic relationship, and so that they could learn to be responsible, healthy, thriving adults. and you could have an ongoing interdependent relationship with them. That is the key to all parenting. It is not about having machines. It is not about your reputation. It is not about um making sure no one's talking about you. That's not what it's about. What it's about is setting your kids up to have the most successful life possible even without you >> and that they should want to have a relationship with you. >> Wow. >> Right. >> That's a bonus. >> But that would be best case scenario. >> Yes. But some people don't don't even understand that that's their job. Don't do as I say. Don't not do as I say. Yes. Yes. It has to have structure. Yes, it has to have boundaries. Kids need boundaries. They crave boundaries. You take away the boundaries, you're hurting them. I met Yingaman. He followed a certain program. Whatever his reasons is, he was divorced on the kids andah. And he's telling me whatever. He says, "And my kids hate me. I did the whole thing. Of course they hate you. You hurt them." He goes, "What do you mean I did everything for them?" I said, "You did everything except what they needed from you. M everything except what they needed. What they needed was love with boundaries. >> Wow. >> What you gave them, you bought them this and you sent them on a trip and you did the and you lied to them. You told them that you're happy with them even though they're doing kavasar. Say, I hate that you doing kavaser. I love you. The behavior is horrible. Just split the two. Big deal. It's not hard to do. >> Wow. >> If you don't know how to do it, it might be difficult. It's not hard. It's easy. Get I'm in this thing. We're in the back of a room. One of another one of our common friends is presenting. It was like a breakout room. You're making me want to get up and go hug my kids. >> You should go hug your kids every day. >> Yeah, during camp. >> Every day. Send them a hug through your hug. >> I'm going to ride out tomorrow. Tomorrow I'm filming a What a day. Full day. And it's finishing up state in six locations. We're finishing up state. >> I still don't know how I'm coming back, but I'll I'll grab a car to go there. >> Bonus. >> Yeah. >> So, I turn around. I see this kid. He's sitting in the back. Yeah. 15-year-old kid who's going through life. >> Tot. >> Yeah. I think he's adopted. But also, if I know the real story, I think so. >> Why wouldn't they speak about it? >> They do. It's not It's not a secret. He talks about it. But I look at him, something happened, >> and I whispered something in his ear and the kid looks like, you know, like that that I don't want to say angry that that the teenager, the the typical moody, broody, he's not a bad he's a wonderful kid. He's a good kid. He's he's going to go somewhere in life. And then I I don't even know what I told him. And I go like this. And he gives me a fist bump and a smile. And Benjamin Hardy, the PhD who's writing all these books on whatever, turns around and goes like this because the kid's smiling and fist bumping with me in 90 seconds. No three hours, no conversation. >> Now, that doesn't mean we have a working with them. I'm not, >> right? >> But the punch line is you could get through >> a zo. It's possible, but you have to not be messing it up. You have to come with the right energy. You have to see people in in a positive light. >> Do you recommend me to go? I I get requests to sit with I know I can influence them in a tremendous way but I'm scared >> of what >> it's going to burn all the time I have >> put boundaries around though >> I'm not good at boundaries >> learn that's you >> we are sitting now almost 3 hours >> we still didn't get my story I know >> and and and not not that part the other we got way better content than I wanted but >> I I feel like we just burnt three hours and there's something you want you didn't get yet just for the record I'm telling you I don't know how this works >> so I'm telling telling you right now, this is great. I'm happy. >> We don't need anything else. There is one thing. >> You know how much I have to tell you >> exactly? There's one thing I'm going to finish with with that topic that you wanted to open and we're going to open that with fire. >> I forgot what it was already. >> I I know. I know what it is. >> Two yesterday years ago. >> It was. But what I'm saying is >> we spoke about time losing the the faith. I right now I'm enjoying so much. >> You don't know what time it is. >> Exactly. Correct. And I don't know that it's three hours. If if if I don't either. I'm very familiar with this. Um I >> so I could sit with a bukah for five hours and not know >> I I was going to Monday night and um and and uh my wife was sitting in the front with me and Mrs. Lisa Elephant who has an organization called Adopt the Shotkan. You should actually interview her. You won't interview a lady. We'll get one in a minute. >> So she has 300 plusum all around the country. Wow. >> And she comes up with initiative after initiative after initiative after initiative. initiative to convince >> to to help people help the shatunam be able to read Mosha. Now this is very close to my heart my oldest I started talking about her earlier is a put together with it. This is a girl who went to bya BJJ. She's not me. She's mainstream normal healthy balanced. How does this happen? We are so add our kids are so good. How does this happen? >> Disha >> dishta >> dishta clude. >> But does it go away skips a generation? >> It could. Yeah, cuz the kids rebel. They don't want to have ADD like the parents. But the grandchildren, they'll have fun. >> My son and my father click so they learn together. Beautiful. I never learn with my father. I don't want to learn with him >> because you have the conflict. He doesn't have the conflict. That's why that's why when you see the consistency and the throughput, it doesn't break too easily cuz they resolved. >> Sorry, I didn't mean anything. >> All those all those mechanics. He loves you. I know about this. >> I love him too. I love you too. I know you want to learn with you, but you know there's >> not inside. Not inside. >> Not inside. >> You You know something, Arie? I actually I would love to learn something with you inside. >> If anyone in the world, >> if anyone in the world >> is is daring enough to say I could help you learn a gamura inside, I'm comfortable. >> I don't want to do it. I don't want to do it. >> I understand you don't want to. And I'm not going to tell you. I'm inviting you that if you ever choose that you want to, I'm 95% certain we could do it easily and painlessly and whatever thing is there is not really there. You just think it's there. >> I agree. But I don't have an interest of of getting tired of I right. So let me tell you my own struggle. I tried so many different things in my life and probably more didn't work than did work. And I don't have like that that I have the sip. I have like what I call bonus miles. I started this program. I was involved in this thing. I didn't do anything. The Iisha put me in the right place in the right time with the right people, the right partnerships, the right co-pilots, the right whatever so that something could move and they were there and I got to move on because now it has a and it keeps going and if they ever need help, they could call me and I'm happy to jump in and try to solve something, but please don't make it my long-term thing because I need to move on. So far so good. >> You said so many kinds of words just to explain this. It's so gishmak to listen to you. I I've thought about it a lot because I have this this this dilemma of my whole mission all these years was so after September 11 going back to the story um um I have a meltdown and the only solution I have is to go to because I'm outcome oriented I'm sitting on the floor crying saying tell them I don't know who I am I don't know where I am I don't know what I'm doing here and I'm m that another million dollars in in in technology sales is not going to do anything in the whole world doesn't change anything for me so I called home my wife right away something is off luckily my passport was at home so I said I have to go to so she says you're going to I'm home first, right? I said, "Yeah, my passport is there." >> Why would someone think to get home? >> That's my place that I That's the only place I am. >> When were you there last? >> I don't know, but I need to talk to Bash for personal. I needed a meeting. >> Only happens at the >> I needed a meeting. >> Wow. >> I went for three. I stayed for 10 days. All I did was please help me figure out what am I talking what am I supposed to be doing in this world? And if you're not going to tell me straight out cuz why should you? So at least when it's passing me by when it's knocking on the door I should I should open it >> because how many times do it's sitting it's sitting right here and you don't even notice it exactly where we started from it's sitting right here and we don't know about it gets it I come home from it I go into a client that night there was I had two Jewish two from and one and one non from the my whole total my entire business I had like three Jewish clients one of them had a problem while I was gone I get there's nothing wrong with it and I tell the young woman working there who's clearly not Jewish based on the dress code or lack thereof, whatever you want to call it. And I say, "Have a nice weekend." And she looks at me and goes, "You don't take a chas." >> And I I felt like less than two cents. >> That was before the course left or >> on the way home was the night I came home. The it was that the next day, whatever it was within 24 hours of coming home. >> Okay. What hit you so hard? >> How did I miss that? This is a basis. Doesn't matter. How did I miss >> very hard that you should miss it? >> Correct. But I know better. I was already working with teens and I was already busy involved. >> So you surprised me. I I had I knew what I knew and I missed it. >> So So you and she laughed at me cuz she knew that there's no way I could have known and I was so flustered. I said, you know, can I make it up to you? Maybe you want to come for challenge one chamis. I didn't know what to say. Kid said, no, it's no problem. This that the other thing. >> Laasa, she came. >> Lamasa, what? She came and I got to know a little bit more about her story. I offered her if we got you an apartment and helped you subsidize or whatever and put some other girls and there was some structure. No, Shabas, no boys, whatever. Simple structure. We're not going to manage your life. You'll be responsible for most of the rent. She said yes. I walked >> Why? They all have jobs. >> I would get them jobs. So the next day I went to the living room. Who needs an apartment? A few people said I need an apartment. How can you pay rent? I can't. I need a job. Okay. Overnight I now had an apartment finding service, a job hunting service, a management fee where this is going. >> I did this in a small scale in a yeshiva. That's why I burnt. I'm scared. >> I remember >> I'm scared. I had only six bim and I lost my mind. >> Okay. So you just So I also had a lot of other people around me that were doing different thing. It wasn't all on me. I had help. I had I had support and also had a mission. I was like this is what I got to do. Like who cares about the rest? >> And one more thing you're going to love. You're going to relate to right away cuz you probably have thousands of this. The one BHA that made me snap on this program, >> he's the one who went bashing. All the others when I closed it, they understood. >> HE'S MAD. >> THE GUY WHO MADE ME SNAP, HE DOESN'T REALIZE. He doesn't know that he made me snap. >> Did you ever talk to him? >> I couldn't because he already told everyone that I messed up his life. >> Who cares? Go talk to him. >> I should. >> Why not invite a conversation? Take him out for supper. Have a conversation. Listen, I I I I want to apologize to you for messing up your life and I want to know more about how that happened. And after you get that out of the way, say, are you open to hearing some of how our interaction affected me? I'm not blaming interaction affected me? I'm not blamin