Get killed Rather than doing it!!!

so you did the B Mitzvah thing or not I did whatever I had to do to V out for the for my parents that wanted it but inside wow I was not either bitzan religion was all over saying wait a minute this is religion this is society what about school who's leading me on where who's telling me what is right and wrong who's putting me to learn 12 years for a piece of a of of a certificate which maybe is not what I needs and the question starting coming up in everything that moves the problem is B was a wise guy and he always need to find the soft spot and people couldn't take it I mean he sit in a class in in school and the history teacher says something and he say that listen there's another book that says the opposite okay why am I supposed to listen to you not the other go out of the class you have no answers wow now they had a problem when they came to talk a test it was hundreds the test was an A but the guy is giving us um you challenged everyone okay so what happened here was until the end of 10th grade I understood that I cannot trust anybody you can respect everybody what age is 10 grade uh 16 okay age of 16 I'm already on my own I leave school so you dropped out I dropped out out of choice I wasn't kicked out I was how did your parents my parents took it very hard my mother said to me at least make the tests said I'll do it for you uh but not because it's right thing to do zero interest yeah I'll do it I did it externally not in the I started going to work and taking my own agenda on life life my agenda was live enjoy and die and that's it whatever it is it is there's no EMS real or not really but everything's whatever is good for you at that time I'm talking about now as a 16-year-old kid said I said whoever wants to challenge me please come I want to hear if this Rabbi doesn't have answers nobody no people challenged me but they couldn't take it I give examples when I was 17 I was already secular I was already secular before but if I had red lines like K or p which I it was all went away I said look if you want if you want to have casos enjoy what do you want for me wow like so everything was gone everything was gone but to the end even even the the the approach I grew say for me today is but then yeah okay that's gonna be very interesting topic because you went probably to one of the highest points in the Army yeah right that it's possible for for even in today and you're today saying by the way how do you say in English y you don't you just don't do it you do not no little don't do it kill don't do it get killed do it rather don't do it yeah