Ari Lesser - Animal Raps - Oregon Country Fair

[Applause] i'm a cottontail rabbit just got a bad habit that cabbage i see in your garden i grab it i can't stop stealing it's just too appealing there's so many yards i could get a free meal and it's like welfare i'm trying to take care of way more babies than my fair share you got one son i got 93 you won't see nobody who can breed like me a cat i'm a house cat getting lazy and fat eating fresh tuna fish never hunted for a rat fed food from a can because i live with a man who scoops up my poops from a box full of sand he works all day while i take a cat nap then pets my fur while i purr in his lap i love my man but he's dumb as you be he thinks he's my master but he serves me [Applause] i'm an angry tasmanian devil shrieking and reeking and looking disheveled only two feet but i eat a lot of meat when i find a nice piece of roadkill in the street i chew through a grown kangaroo on my own consume every bit from the fur to the bone reside in some putrefied carcass that died while i eat my way out from the inside [Applause] attack with a pack we follow moose tracks back to a big snack hunt down and surround any parade is found my ear hears the sound when a leaf hits the ground my eyes are as sharp as my hole in the dark and my bite leaves a mark much worse than my bark take chunks out your flesh lay your bleed to death and then eat what's left once i catch my breath [Applause] i'm a black widow feeling greatly sated cause i ate my mate right after we made it that web spinner was no bread winner a one night stand and i had him for dinner wearing all black with that red hourglass means if i bite you the clock's ticking fast your life i could take with the venom i make 15 times stronger than a rattlesnake [Applause] frog i'm a poison dart frog two inch thug hopped up on drugs eating toxic bugs the king of bling decked out in all gold if you try to hold me imma leave you cold you touch my skin the deadly toxin will begin to sink into your has been bringing death i'll make your heart fail and your chest don't test unless you want cardiac arrest [Applause] oh i'm a hippopotamus standing on the bottom of this river staying out of the sun cause of how hot it is walking underwater cause i'm too fat to float while birds use my back like a blubbery boat i eat a massive grass and if i get harassed i can move pretty fast on my big fat ass i'm a four-ton pile the boss of the nile with the kind of smile that could kill a crocodile [Applause] a turtle i'm a sea turtle calling me a leather back cause i'm lacking a shell and my skin's all black reptile who can freestyle swim for miles all the way from australia to the british isles diving deep to 4 000 feet the only dish i eat is jellyfish meat i catch em myself so it's not too pricey don't mind the sting i like my food spicy [Applause]