Are We Raising A Fragile Generation?

Enjoy the bike Halacha. Welcome back to behind the We've the great privilege to once again welcome our dear friend, a teacher, mentor, Rabbi Kalish. Thank you for coming back to Boca. This is the third visit, the Hazaka year, and may it show many, many more years of continuing to learn from you. Amen. It's an honor, really an honor to be I thank the Rav for bringing me. Rav Philip, our friendship's appreciated, and Rav, so thank you for bringing me, and it's an honor to be here. >> And for already speaking in half the institutions in town, it's far from a vacation, an escape maybe from the snow, a little better weather, but not not sitting by a pool sipping pina colada. So, thank you for bringing that that energy and that love, and that's really my first question is the positivity and the energy and the love, do you have to consciously think about in order to express and live it? Does it come naturally at this point? Were you born with it, or did you have to learn it? I I heard the sheer this morning, and it was amazing cuz the the focus and the emphasis on wanting to reinforce even among those who are sitting and staying and learning the the continued bikursh. A person could have come at that with a totally negative perspective. Fire and brimstone musser, there's not enough bikursh. Don't think just cuz you're learning, you're doing Yeah, but but you framed it with positivity and love and an invitation for more. So, do you sit down and have to think about that? Okay, I have a thought, I have a message, I have an idea. I want to make sure that I say it in a Or at this point, that's just a prism and filter in which the way you think. Then that's an interesting question. My father My father genuinely liked people. I've been like studying his sugia for the last my whole life, but the last year you're more I'm more in touch with it, and he genuinely liked people, like really. He just enjoyed people were precious to him. I wonder if if that's a taught thing. Could I say I learned that from my father? Did I just inherit from my parents? I do like people. I think I think that's [snorts] something that probably in a way could be taught cuz there's a truth that people are neat and important. But I baruch Hashem, I am blessed that I like people. And I think there's what to learn from everybody, but real things, like to learn from everybody. And just I it's it's a blessing. Certainly, if anything, if any work on this, then I'd give that credit to my dad. And I asked myself, did he work on that liking people? I did my grandparents like people, so is that is that a gift from him? Maybe he did work on that. I do like people, so I'm thankful. >> But it's more than it's more than just liking people, because that comes across in the hugs and the love and the time. But I mean, just, you know, also as people who give shiurim and drashas and speak, there there seems to be intention there. It's mindfulness and intention that the message is communicated with positivity, with aspiration. It's not knocking anybody down, it's lifting everybody up. So, at some point in your life, did you sit down and say, "This is who I want to be, how I want to be thought of. This is This is going to be my brand." I don't mean my brand in some financial way, but my When people think about me, Rabbi Kalish, my drashas, my shmoozin, my yeshiva, my being a rebbe, it's just all positivity. So, even this morning, in thinking about, okay, I've got this insight in the parsha, Yisro, Moshe, I have an insight. I want to make sure I communicate it. Or no, it's just And can I just ask a follow-up? Could it be taught? To someone who doesn't have that natural inclination, someone who might be a little bit more of a different lens in the world, how could they develop that skill set to be able to be a little bit more of that positive and to view the world through that lens? Right. So, I I I I that question, we all have different ways, for sure, of seeing things. I think the truth is very positive. I think that's like the truth. I think the aim of our whole world is a place of hiddenness. It's called oilam, which is a place of hiddenness, but I think this there's goodness here and and and and I think we could work ourselves to develop that view. It's interesting younger I I I I went to a big Yeshiva after being in my Rebbe and in a smaller Yeshiva years I went to a big Yeshiva and I was exposed to a lot and hearing different things and a lot of things that were more negative not that there was a lot of positive negative, but I felt a lot of things that like put down and were mevatel did not resonate did not draw my neshama closer. So there's definite intention that if we can access the place the light and access and be moved by that we're drawn to it more. So I think often better than knocking and putting down and that type of bittle, I think what brings us closer if we can access the or that's that like draws draws us closer. So I do think there's intention. I think I think I think presenting to ourselves and to others the or that is the light and the goodness that's there is is much more the draw it's in I'll tell you an interesting thing and something I've grappled with that I always in the Yeshiva I've been offered to bring the Yeshiva to to concentration camps and and there's there's a way of inspiration by way of patch all the difficult we've been through and there is a way by seeing the negative out there and in our own story of difficulty saying that's not it. So then we have to find spaces that matter. So there is a way of seeing tragedy and seeing the difficulties we got and somehow there is a way that can move us towards serving Hashem and I don't say not to bring Yeshivas to Poland and the likes. I actually think a lot about it. And actually plan one day to go myself. It even though younger I said I wouldn't go. I want to face my family's past. People I'm named for were killed in Auschwitz. So I want to I want to go there and face it. And and really stand there. So I do plan on going. I don't I'm curious if if either of you have gone. Have either of you gone there? >> I've been, yeah. So I want to I actually want That's a a discussion for itself. I want to go there and bring the Yeshiva there at some point. But my first thoughts and chinuch are not We've been so punished. Let's be good. You know, my first thoughts are there's a beauty what we have. [snorts] There's a beauty what we're involved in. I want from a space of the light to be drawn by that, not from the dark. Now that's countercultural in many ways cuz social media, Twitter, and it's all built on it's like like holy cynicism, right? Like let me find the connect. Let me find that little funny thing that I'll post on there and everyone going to say that's a great thing. >> Sure, social media right now is a lot of sarcasm. A lot of sarcasm and a little bit of cynicism thrown in there. And it's very counter to what you're describing right now, which is like a much more healthy, positive approach. Do you talk about that with the boys in the Yeshiva about that yeah, you could get attention by having that sarcasm, but that's not the approach that we're selling here? Right. I don't I don't spend so much time saying what we're not doing because that would a little bit fall into that itself. So I think the folk but but 100% like I want the yes, the yes of the beauty of our people. I think it's true. I think we have good, beautiful things. I like tapping into those beautiful spaces in each other, in ourselves. I think that's the most motivating. I think I think to really grab on to the or that is is very attractive and joyous. You know, you know, they trap little they catch little like flying things. They have these lights that zap them and they keep going to the light. And I the light must be so attractive. They get zapped these bugs and still go there. Light's very attractive. Now, when I I don't want to zap anybody, but the attraction of light is true. And I think I think we can give over truth. Remetesio Solomon once gathered, I was not there, but I heard from people who were there that he gathered Nalum and Mashkeem across America and expressed that we're putting things down too much. Let's let's express what is, not to be Mevatal. Give what is. Bring the truth to what is. I look like a Yosef in Mitzrayim. Again, I don't say his stuff, but it says Sham Shamayim was Shager Befiv. We're not taught about him like correcting things. And the whole Mitzrayim went crazy for him. The MS and the truth and the urge was So, can we just be practical about that? Let's take cell phone use for example, internet use for example. So, there's there's an easy way to say cell phones are dangerous, the internet's dangerous, and to highlight the danger of it. If you were speaking to people about it, how would you do that in a way to not necessarily knock cell phones, but to show the beauty of a life without that addiction to technology. I just want to use a practical example to teach us that. Give us a shmooze on cell phones. >> you something funny, Reb Feivel? I want to tell you something funny. You see my I just got my first smartphone in my life. I am not promoting smartphones. I am ashamed till I was 50, had a flip phone. I got the first smartphone in my life. So, I sometimes I'm embarrassed. I pull out I have a smartphone. I'm like looking around. It's still like I'm at a stage that I'm new to this. It's It happens to help me a lot. I want to tell you something funny and then address. It looks like hey, I stepped down. I had a smartphone. Now, can I be honest? In my flip phone, if I wanted to get a met score, I was able to press buttons and see the score of the Mets game. I did have that. I only figured out at the end that I was able like I was away somewhere and the Mets did well and I was able Do you know on this phone I can't get a Mets score? I have no I can't get one score on this phone. So in the heat sign yes, it looks like I've done I've I've done like whoa. I have less on this What I want to express really want to express is this phone has been a lifesaver. I've always been bad at being in touch. I'm getting better. There's movement and I want to be better. I look at somebody like Ray Goldberg and I mean this and my father was like that. You're busy, we're the same busy and you're in touch with people and get back fast. My father was great then I'm bad. It's a bad thing. It's not nice. And it's the people I've hurt where they couldn't get in touch and it's not right and I just struggled balancing thing. I'm I see I see a a way I've been a little better like significantly and I see a way that I'm going to be much better with this. So all of a sudden the smartphone I I can't believe how much you could do with this and I could be more in touch and I've been better. I see the calls right now that I'm missing and I didn't I've been better and been more able to be in touch with guys. So I think there's just a truth as in our Hashem made us all technology. He's He's the creator of the Hadashas. He creates the new things. It's not just Now are there dangerous? For sure. Are there ways we have to be careful? But they're also beautiful usages really special communication is amazing. We know all three of us as people who are involved with klal know the phones are very holy is a very holy item. I use this to daven from and I'm not getting controversial. I use it once I like davening inside and it does have one of the few things that this phone can get is I have YidKit. That's an advertisement. They're good people and I could get a sitter. Now it's not lost to me daven from a sitter from my phone. This phone's very holy. I speak to Yidden from this phone. That's what I use it for. I talk to Yidden and I do chesed. Our phones are very big. I think it's important people should know that. Yeah, phone's very special. You can call your wife, you call your children. There's real or in the world. Now, is anybody could something be used wrong? A thousand percent. Has Has phones caused and people connected to things they shouldn't connect? A thousand percent. And we have to have the awareness and maybe even somebody shouldn't There's not a push to have it somebody has a simple phone. Call it kavod. Respect. Make sure not to have the Mets scores the other too much into that and then you might not have hear such good news. >> [laughter] >> But um But so you know, I think the stressing and the pushing what is yes is has to be first and foremost. There's a line I think from the Chidushei Harim. He says, "Swear may rabba say taiv." Stop speaking so much about the ra. Swear >> may rabba say taiv. Let's focus on the good. But I'm not pushing back cuz I'm pushing back. You know, we did this recently with the R' Kestenbaum. It's playing devil's advocate a little bit to to pull out to pull out. Not because I disagree. It's R' Kallah should back again because we want that messaging. First of all, on the Poland trip, it's not just about we got pots, it's not just about that we got punished, it's not just about the negative. There's a very positive component that could also be relevant to the Yeshiva, which is about Look how far we fell and look how high we've climbed. From the ashes, look where we've come back. So no matter where you are in life, no matter what happened, how many people who never walked out of this place, but also who survived and walked out, who thought it was the end, like a klal Yisrael today. And so there is a big a big big hisorerus of of like coming from a very low place to be able to climb out high. But on this, so R' Moshe famously said that, you know, that the time is over for us to say "Chutzpah zeini Yid." We have to say it's geshmak to be a Yid. The pendulum had swung so far in the shadows of the Holocaust, survivor second generation, about how negative and how miserable and how difficult and how challenging and how many compromise and how many sacrifices. Who would want that if all you do is hear complaining about about preparing for Pesach and the cost of being a Jew? So, the next generation will choose to walk away and 100% for that time that was critical. It feels like the pendulum may have swung a little far in the other direction. Right? There's there's a I don't want to really reference it to get into it, but you know, every generation has their Bal Shem Tov grow debate. There was Bal Shem Tov and grow several years ago. Rav Weinberg and Rav Binyamin Yisrael very publicly were having So, this week, thanks to AI and videos, you probably don't know cuz it's not on that phone, but there've been videos that have been produced with like the thank you Hashem movement and then like an anti put out about like basically on the Yom HaDin, you just have to be learning Gemara Shulchan Aruch. Enough with the singing and music and thank you Hashem. So, they put out another one back. And now with AI and everything on demand and instant, you could have like the Bal Shem Tov grow war has now come to the world of the AI and and videos. But is there as the pendulum has swung too far in the Kish Mat to be a Yid where now we're telling young people in particular it's Kish Mat to be a Yid. Everything's Kish Mat. Everything's a habring and everything's a tish. Everything's a kumzitz. Everything's Ohr Ein Sof. Everything is light. Every No, sometimes it's Sometimes it's it's -5° and 18 in of snow >> to get and you got to get to shacharis and you want to turn over. It's nice and cozy under the blanket and that's not Kish Mat. Yes, it's Kish Mat and the tefillah and the connection and dveikus. That's not Kish Mat. It's not Kish Mat. In Boca Raton on Sunday, it's supposed to be 30°. That's not Kish Mat. For us for us, we don't have heat, coats, Uggs. We're not ready. So, to get to shul for us, it's not Kish Mat. So, are we are we mistakenly insulating a generation from when it's not Kish Mat? You know, they say sometimes with allergies Israel has the least peanut allergies in the world because there's Bamba in everywhere. You have to be exposed sometimes so that you You build up immunity. And our young people are so fragile because they have no immunity cuz we're protecting them. We're rescuing them. We're swooping in. We're blocking for them. And we're also telling them everything has to be gashmak. And if it's gash- not gashmak, I'm not forcing and you don't have to and don't do it. If everything's not gashmak, stay in bed. If learning's not gashmak, do something else. If it's not gashmak cuz cuz it's gashmak to be good and you should want to sing and dance and hop and bop and bounce and clap. And if it's not gashmak, don't do it. So, do we worry the pendulum has swung Sometimes the message has to be it's not always gashmak. Your father didn't finish off every year because it Of course learning from him was gashmak. I imagine there was a day or an hour and he wasn't done with that day's learning that in that moment it wasn't it was exhausting. He traveled. He took care of a child. It's not always gashmak in marriage, in parent changing a diaper, waking up in the middle of the night. It's not always gashmak. Yeah. I Sorry, that was a long one. There I apologize. >> No, I like that a lot. I want to I want to say first like on on the friction, on the counters are huge. I like really big. It's good Reb Nachman celebrated Reb Nachman liked that he had had I don't say adversaries is probably strong yet people against him. The Shpoler Zeide and big tzaddikim who held different than him. And he was thankful for it and he said that I see the people against me are tzaddikim gives me joy. It gives me joy, he said. And he You have to analyze what he meant. He said that the fact he were based on a pasuk in Tehillim, the fact that the people against me are tzaddikim is a chesed from Hashem. So, we have to It's good when I hear big tzaddikim who say different than the yeshiva than than what what what what what what I'm just trying to do in my own avodah. I've gotten more comfortable. We're all human and there times like it can make you uncomfortable, but I also have a big space that it's good they're different lights. I want to express when we we could analyze the big picture and we we're what we're observing things. I don't consider myself big enough or try to like analyze that we go to all I could do is like from my space like bring what I what feels right for me to bring. If there's somebody else countering with with more harsh in some way because of what I it's not a space I'm like analyzing our people and like getting the right like and shine your light. If this is that's what you asked you asking originally. You were asking about is it natural? Is this worth I do want to say I asked a person a rebbe of mine that I trust a lot that has become a rebbe of mine recently. And I asked certain things that I'm moving towards. Maybe that's not what to teach. Maybe teach the guys the way I thought 10 years ago and 20 who's And the person was Isaac a person who I believe has that's Torah that if this is where Hashem moved you, you're only moved here for guys, for your children. You're at a dangerous place when your avodah is leading you one place and you're teaching something else. Many tzaddikim many tzaddikim and it's many who who taught what we call chassidus. And we're rooted at younger ages in the world the litvish well then I don't there there all it's new and it's it's the world of service of Hashem. How did they [clears throat] know to teach when he was 50? He was a talmud of of the chofetz chaim but when he was younger he was so the answers you what you're given is for the people were around and where we're at. Maybe we only have that madrega or that thought or that knowledge and work is because of the people we're influencing. And we're involved with. So I think we have to less cheshbon of like we can analyze our dirt and is is the pendulum moving? I don't know the answer. It's a good question. I can only give over what moves me and what what I >> for your children and you're telling me them sorry to interrupt. You're But but do you worry that we're pampering them? We're protecting them? We're insulating them? And we're And And we're making They don't have immunity. They don't have emotional and spiritual immunity that even when it's not kishke, and even when it doesn't feel good, and even when it comes out of mesirus nefesh, and even But it like What will happen? We're only where we are cuz the people became before us were willing to be moser nefesh. Do we worry that they won't be moser nefesh? They'll be like, I didn't sign up for that. It's supposed to be kishke. I don't want to be It's I don't want to be moser nefesh. >> It's a very fair question. In any place where there's positivity and warmth and like, we're showing the What happens like expose the places I don't want to visit. Don't we I'm not asking about this To be clear, I'm not even asking about the yeshiva. I'm just asking about all of us. >> mean that. I don't just Can I just share what Rav Lef was here a number of years ago? He spoke about this exact issue. And he said, "We do a dis- I'm just quoting him. He said, "We do a disservice by telling our children that Judaism is fun. Fun is fun as going to the beach. Fun is going to Disney. Fun is not getting up in 30° weather and going to minyan." He says, "We have to stop talking about it being fun and start talking about it being worth it." And to me like that chelek was very important. It's not always fun, but it's going to be worth it. And so, gishmack can be defined in different ways. Gishmack can be fun or something even when it's hard can be gishmack. Because I know that it's worth it at the end. And I think that's perhaps like a healthy way of identifying the issue. I I look at our dirt if if if we want to like analyze the dirt. And again, I don't feel I'm in that space. I'm just going my own search and trying to bring what what what I can bring, what what works for me as best as I can, and what works for the people around me, but it looks to me like a very pnimiyusdike dirt that is not as capable of just doing Just do it. I don't get it. That wants to relate to this. I want to connect to it. And to find that space this can mean something to you. What you said resonates with you said from left that it can mean something to you. Now will you always be in that space that it means something? I was just in RCU's row and at about 2:00 3:00 in the morning a youngster who's clearly in a lot of pain pulls me aside and he said speak to you. He said he said I've been watching you for a few years. I need to speak to you. He said you're a fake, right? I know you're fake. That's what he said. So I was very I I want to say very well, okay. That's a very good question. And really the generations grappling. We all want to be authentic and real with their grappling. We're all in the shammas real. We're really about it. We have a body we're really in the shammas real. And then to be in that space and I'm connected to what my shammas and that's a so good. Are you real? I'm trying to be. There are moments I'm real. There are moments I want to be tapped into the the shammas. Now there are times I won't feel it. And that's good too. And do it and coming from a majestic generations of action fiery activists there's a dirt that wants to connect and is craving like I I want this to mean something to me. And we'll look at it just do it. I don't like just do it. Like so far Well, you're the dirt today is very panimius which and and wants to feel and connect to it. And I want to I want to try to find those spaces we can relate and connect. Do I worry under duress what will happen? The yid is fire. The yid's going to be a yid. We we've stayed yid throughout. I think we're being pushed by a generation to find the space of connection to this thing. And there's an avoida like that of finding that panimius that connection to things that it means something. So certainly we have to follow the Shulchan Aruch, but it has to be fire. Is it l'chatchila b'di'avad? Is it Is it that this is a fragile generation? Do you read this as a derash? The whole world around us, through the technology, comfort, convenience, prosperity, it's very fragile. So, now we have to pamper, indulge. >> I look at it like l'chatchila. No, no, it's l'chatchila and and really halavai our great zaydes also somewhere is broken to them. >> each generation. >> That's That's That's I look at I don't look at a halavai. We're on the shoulders, literally. It's not a bone I don't want like achsher darach generation we're better. People are more lave. We have Tzadok said that even though you read this as a derash, the lave's going to get bigger. Rav Tzadok writes it openly. Right. The lave gets bigger. The psukim describe that I'm going to change a lave even to a lave basar Mashiach times. We're seeing people feel much more anxiety. Can I Can I Can I be honest? One of my children went through something hard and for a week was struggling to function. I had a pride and I would say, "Get up. Just don't come." No, I had a pride. He feels. He feels and he's changed my life. He's a rebbe of mine. Really feels things and it's not just easy. Get up. Come on. Come on. Why can't they I had a conversation >> What if it didn't last a week? What if it were chas v'shalom we should say but what if it were six months later he still didn't get up? And now you're saying he's a failure to launch. We can't get going. >> of me that would I don't wish everybody should be have the koach. There's a part of me that's impressed. I I had a conversation with my sister. We grew up together and best friends. We had a conversation observing our children just now in our two an incredible conversation. She's And she's like, "I don't get it." She's like the next thing. Like, "I don't get it." And And And there's something so beautiful about a generation that feels and there's a presentness and a connection that's like amazing. L'chatchila l'chatchila. There's a connection that son we look at each other in the eyes. We're close. Like nod. Okay, I have a practical question for you. Yeah. Practical, maybe I shouldn't be asking on on to the whole public, but I'm going to ask to the whole public cuz it's complicated and I want to learn from you of how you navigate this. You know, Hashem, I'm sure because your message so resonates with so many people. And there are people who never went to Waterbury and have no direct connection to you, but they listen, they watch through the the gift of technology, the brocha that like you said, that phone is a is a it's a clay kodesh. It's it's a clay kodesh that can be used for holiness. So, they connect with Rebbi Kelish, Rebbi Kelish, Rebbi Kelish. Now, they find you. That you at 3:00 in the morning, you know, it's Yisrael who was a who's who's a a broken heart who found you. They were looking for somebody. How do you manage that now going forward cuz that person now had an hour with you, half an hour, 10 minutes with you, 2 hours with knowing you, 2 hours with you? And now they say, "I I found my my medicine. I I found my my therapy. I found my hope. So, I'm going to try to speak to Rebbi Kelish once a week because he he can keep me going. He's who I need." And everywhere you go, which was all the yeshivas all over Israel, and here you're in Boca, and you travel, you'll meet the holy souls and the holy sparks. Some of them broken and some of them very whole who say, "But Rebbi Kelish." And and you can't because the primary job is to the yeshiva and to the talmidim. And I, in a very less way, very much smaller way, you know, it's Hashem, my primary responsibility, my family, of course. And then the shul, my primary responsibility. You meet people, they listen online, they find, they hear, they text. Locally, you know, this this area is the capital for recovery in the United States. Hashem, it's very holy. I one of the one of the most amazing things that maybe we can talk about it. But last year it was it was unbelievable. We we went to a a recovery meeting together. And the chevra who were there were each sharing, which is the way they ran it, like a classic recovery meeting. And then it got to you. I'm watching, I'm thinking, "Oh boy, what happens?" And then Rebbi Kelish introduced himself. Your first name, I'm so-and-so Kelish. And you shared. And then it got to me. So, I said, "I have to share." It was it was a with the most raw, real, authentic, all the masks are off. It was unbelievably powerful. So, we have that in the area and there are people and they want to meet with Rabbi Moscowitz. Me, locally, the shul, they connect. But, it's hard to manage expectations because if we're there for everyone else, we're not there for ourselves at all or our family or our shul or talmidim. When you first meet you say to somebody, "It's so wonderful to meet you and I want to spend time with you now. You need to know going forward it's going to be hard to get in touch with me. I'm not going to be able to an ongoing way in special circumstances. Let's check in once a year." In a very practical sense, how do you love a klal Yisrael? How do you feel like a shepherd of klal Yisrael? How do you care about every Yid, not only those who paid tuition or membership, but those who need you in that moment, but also not spread yourself so thin that you're not helping anyone? I first I I first I should ask Rabbi Moscowitz and Rabbi Goldberg this question and express that I'm I'm in I'm amazed. You do a lot and this place is bursting. Like the new construction. And yet you're in touch. I've seen it. I've seen with You're much better at getting back to me than I am to you and I want to work I have a friend Ovie Kilsen, Rabbi Kilsen, who does tons and he's in touch with people. So, I want to say that it's a sensitive topic and one I want to get better and and can think of ideas and really can on the mic or off the mic ask both of you and and and work on it and strive. I want to say something from Reb Bunim. If I could say a moshol, I'm curious if you've heard this. A story from Reb Bunim that I think is is very important to me and helps not certainly what doesn't help in this sugia is feeling pressure to get back to No, no, no, no, no. Stay in my lane, be present. I'm talking to Rabbi Moscowitz. Let's have a good time. Let's let's enjoy each other. I want to share a story from Reb Bunim that that that's meaningful to me in this sugia. And meaningful on the topic of a person's a rebbe, a parent, a mechanic. It's a It's a It's an important rebbe on him. Rebbe on him gave a marshal. I'm going to say it the way I hear it cuz that's how a rebbe on him wanted people to learn. So, I'm going to say it the way these ears hear the marshal. There's a person in prison. It's a dark, dark prison. You can't see anything. And he's in this pit in the ground, this hole in the ground. And two wise people are thrown in jail. He's there for the long term. This guy is never He's a life sentence. The two wise people, two hakhamim, are there each for a couple of weeks. They did a minor infraction and they're in the jail, the dark jail with the person who's a little less wise than them. And they're sitting in this pit, in this hole in the ground. And one hakham They They're in the pit in the ground. You can't see anything. And they throw kelim into the pit with food. And the tipesh can't see what's a spoon, a fork, a cup, a plate. What's food? He can't tell anything. And he's throwing food. He's using his the food as a plate, the plate as his food. He's eating the plate. He's using the cup as a plate. Things are He just looks like a mess and no food's going in his mouth. One hakham and they always give him different utensils and different food. And one hakham showing him food by food how to eat different things, how to peel. He's biting foods whole. One hakham daily is showing him and like a lot of instructions all day how to eat. And that's one hakham is doing. And the other guy is doing nothing. Other hakham, zero. So, one hakham, the hakham who's doing so much one day just had it. After four days, he says, "I work my whole day. I'm teaching this guy everything and you're doing nothing. What's what's you? You also know help me teach him do So the other said back. He says Rebbe Yid, both of us are getting out of here in 2 weeks. They have enough utensils for 50 years. They're going to send him down different things. When you leave, this guy's in the same trouble as when you came. He's going to starve to death. He's going to You haven't helped him one iota. I shouldn't say one iota for 2 weeks, but you haven't solved the problem. So the other said back, so what are you doing? Well, I haven't done anything. So at least I gave him a good tool. He said, I'll tell you the truth that I'm thinking. I've been analyzing this room and I want to find a way and I'm analyzing how I can make bore a hole here and make some light come in the room. Cuz if there's light in the room, the rest of the time this guy is here, he's going to be able to see. And then he'll manage his own things. And Rebbe Nachman said that the the job of a Rebbe is to make light in the room. And I'm very moved by Rebbe Nachman's expression because then the answers aren't coming from the Rebbe at all. He's saying that that person in the prison when there's light can actually see and then find his own ability to use the food to eat the food. And Rebbe Nachman saw the job of somebody who's a for the children, for his own children, for others' children, he saw make a light in the room. And when it's light and people could see, they'll find their way. And I think in many ways if if we're the answer, then we're like that Rebbe who then has those questions. You're here for 2 weeks. Exactly. Rebbe Nachman was expressing in that martial exactly this. Are you really going to be there? If we can shine our light in the way that our Rebbe could bring a light, then there'll be more somehow somehow and I that we can make a hole and there's a way to see and something to see, people can find themselves If I could tell you a another story, another story that somebody came to Yeshiva by us and said, "Get cynical with me." Like, come on. You've been to four places and now they give the right hug. Get Be cynical. Like, come on. You didn't You eat drink the Kool-Aid. Come on. And a kid said that if we're taught to trust and believe anybody, we would be like you. But we learn we find ourselves. And I can't be cynical about myself. That's what a kid A very intelligent person, Mo Muller, a very smart person shared. And I wanted express that that the answers aren't in another. The answers So, certainly if we we try to give time, all of us try to share. We like our people. But if we can bore a hole, That's a powerful That's a very powerful imagery. I want you to feel better. People may feel that when Moskowitz I get back to them, I don't know if they feel we love them. People feel Rabbi Klish only gets back to me one out of 10 times, but he loves me. He loves me. I I'm not endorsing your way or our way. It's a challenge. We've got to find a way. We've got to find a way to both make sure we get back to everybody, but also with each person we're with, they know we love them. We care about them. I'm not telling you what you have to do. That's what we have to do. That's what we have to do. But it is But I want you to feel better that that we may get back. The people that you look at and say they get back to everyone, they may get back to everyone, but the people feel they just wanted to get back to me. Versus anyone who spends time with you knows Rabbi Klish loves me. He loves me. In that little time, that hug, that the love that comes across. Thank you. That's I We all need his up and I appreciate you. We really appreciate >> we need to work on I shouldn't say you. I I I need to I I'm not talking any I think I'm surrounded by I think I'm surrounded I need to work on on making sure people know that it's not just I'm busy and got back, but but I also love. >> I don't want Yeah. In this area, like all it's my own my own things shying away from certain things and and my own battle and work, but the being present for others is a real sugia. I don't want to downplay or make like a sheet of not at all at all at all. It's wrong. People you're close to to be in touch and I've seen people like both of you that are busy and that moves me. People that are crazy busy have a doing a lot and yet they find and they're they're I don't want to say tricks cuz things aren't tricks. They're organization afraid. It's a lot of internal things. Does the makelaish ever have a a bad day? Is there ever a day that that um you're not positive and not being smiley and also I don't want to spend 2 hours talking to talmidim and loving them. I need some alone time. I need me time. I'm in a bad mood, a sad mood. I'm not Mr. Positive, Mr. Gishmak to be a yid. Like there's something that Yeah. Yeah. I would I want to say that that everybody has that and I you know, of course I'm part of that. What what a kiddish is the younger me would fight that and didn't want that now I like that. I like that day. So the younger like my from kite was I'm positive. I like I try to be positive but I like the day I'm not feeling positive. >> You mean you mean you lean into it. You lean Yeah. Yeah, I get places. That day also has something to tell me and teach me. I'll meet a guy that I'm not that doesn't a bucher went on a walk with me recently of recent years, very recent and he said I came to whatever hoping you'd like me and you don't you don't like me. And I thought about it, came back to him and told him he was right. And I explained that what's in me, we all have like our kryptonite and I explained like what's in me with very close today, Baruch Hashem, very. And I like him and I was able to like find >> know? How did he sense it? People know. People know. People like kids are people like >> to guess also he he believes and knew you love him but you don't like him. You take a bullet for him and you love him but he could sense you don't like him. I actually love that he told you that also. Isn't that neat? I think that so many relationships aren't created because people are afraid to be honest with each other and the fact that he was honest with you created that breakthrough that now now we can have an honest conversation. Why is it in Yeah. Yeah, that's amazing. I like that also and I find this in our dark people are people are straightforward. They want to express. I what you said also doesn't seem love and like is is a good suggia is a true suggia. But this this is the kudo that we're I'm not afraid our inner space is allowed to be complex. It's beautiful also and like there's a there's a purpose for the time we don't feel it and it's fine. I don't want to like I'm making negative positive. Look how >> [laughter] >> Are you are you willing to share able to share what was it that you didn't like in him? You loved him but what you didn't like in him that was the kryptonite? And and do you are you very close now because he heard and he changed or now that's sort of just on the table now so now he could be close cuz there's no longer that It's funny you say that. I'll tell you a funny story but I'll tell you a funny story that I There's a person that I've met a few times who I found to be very heavy. A certain heaviness. And it's like a little overwhelmingness. Feel like chill like relax don't take yourself so seriously like enjoy. Right. And I was working on just being calmer and I remet them and They were much calmer. It turns out like how about right if he looks ugly The call pace of them with my pace. >> Right. And it turned the person was so nice and light. So there I I don't want to say the thing I don't want to I could say the thing I'm not afraid to say that I don't want to expressing like this I don't want to bother her to feel that he can be a certain thing. I don't want to I don't want a person to feel they have to not be somebody. That's my >> part when when he heard it did he change it or is that now that it's out the table and now that it's spoken, now we're very close. >> It helped Yeah, now that it's spoken, it helped me >> That's not like holding it in. It's like we we now are connected on that. And it [clears throat] when I'm able to face that's those spaces that you it's hitting here. It's funny, you don't have to almost work on it if you face the space then you you can come Yeah. You face spaces inside. It's not about changing, fixing like we accept, we can like come forward with that. Yeah. Yeah. I know we have to wind down, but you you you made a comment this morning that caught my attention and I just want to ask you about it. Um you said that you love Maseches Nedarim cuz it was the only Maseches that you learned from start to finish with your father. I'm wondering if you could describe that experience a little bit to us cuz it made such an impression on me and I found it such a moving image of uh of that experience of why that's so meaningful to you. Yeah. Yeah. I could say in the year and a half my father meant a lot to me bechayav. To me, my siblings, my children, a lot. It I miss him a lot. In a certain way, I'm the most close in my life to my dad. In a certain way, I would give up this way to have him in the to have him here. But in a certain way, I'm the closest to him ever. It's interesting. I I like the world of Chassidus. Whenever I learn something, my father's voice lives me, "What's the simple chat?" What's the chat? What's chat? And I'll fight, "What's chat? In the what would my father say?" But in many other areas, I'm I'm closer to him than ever and he's he he's with me a lot. And and as such like the Maseches I was to learn with him has become like I spent time learning it again recently just to try to relearn it and to be present to it. And yeah, it's interesting when when people we love are departed in a certain way, there's a reality we can connect. Well, when somebody departs, we understand that's an ashama. That was a soul here. When they were here, the the the the nudgy things distract us. As they're further from their departure, which is it was a soul that was here. You really see it. You really understand that it was a soul that was here, like a big soul. Wow. We get so that I try to bring that to the living. We're three nishamas chilling. Three smacking nishamas chilling out. Of course, it's it's normal. Our funny differences and nuances and the frustrating things in distract us from that and that's normal. That's part of living, part of being alive. But but as what does happen after and there's a certain ration that leaves that I we were just around the nishama that was >> was it a yeshiva that you learned the daram with him? Was it uh It's funny because I I wasn't high school and I was able to get with my friends to learn with nideram with my father. At the time it was nice, but now I appreciate that. It's just different. I learned the mesecta with my father and we and yeah, he had a tremendous tire. The ran in a daram is a special unique treat. And the fact that I learned the whole mesecta just means a lot to me that I Hashem gave me that It's a funny thing. You look back. I was in my father's sheer that year. That's like so should you be in your father's sheer or not and all those funny things to me that I learned the mesecta together with my father matters a lot to me. The mesecta takes on extra preciousness. All different Anything in that mesecta and it's a mesecta I just care more and more about. But yeah, that is something precious to me. I try to quote in a daram much more these days from that mesecta. But this point of the departed me becoming much more important, recognizing how much we have is from our parents. You started the conversation of appreciating people. My father liked people, genuine. Just People meant something. Respected. Was a machabed of people. Somebody respected people. I think that came from his parents who were respected real respected people and that's something for sure I have from my father. He didn't didn't demean anybody. He didn't speak bad about people. So I think I thank you. We thank you for this opportunity. I feel like we have an ongoing conversation and it just gets interrupted by 11 and a half months. You know, we we don't see that frequently, but when we do it's just continuing the same conversation and the energy and the love and the inspiration. Every time you visit, I know that we and and others are just inspired to smile more and be more positive and love more and see more light and do more. So thank you. Thank you for being back in Boca. I really appreciate being here. Appreciate I appreciate all the different lights real. My father would say about the Yeshiva, I don't understand it. My dad would say, but I love it. He came for about a week a year he would join us in the camp we have. He would say, I don't understand it, but I love it. There was humility and and if we could tap into the discipline that he had and what he was bringing, we could tap into that and the way we could tap in is is finding our light, sharing with different lights. So the fact even even the counter and different styles is precious and important. We're human. It doesn't always feel good somebody disagreed. Somebody spoke against. We're human. Right. But the knowledge like taught that different lights bring our light, bring our light hard and true. Don't try to create balance. Don't worry our people will be great. We In a funny way that we never feel like if we wouldn't do this, if Goldberg wouldn't do what he's doing in Boca, if Philip you wouldn't do what you're doing in Boca, what would be? In a funny way it we'd rather say nothing would happen without us. I don't think that's the energy of doing I don't think will be okay. will be okay. The energy is the source that Hashem gave us a light that we can bring and shine in our way and and that's shine it. Let's light and in our light that will bore a hole in this element of world of hiddenness and will reveal an aspect of Hashem of godliness and in in that light others will find their light and they'll shine and we'll have the tremendous shine for whole people shining. Thank you for breaking through a little hole for our community to get in a little more light. So, thank you for being here. >> Thank you so much for having me. Thanks a ton. Thank you for listening to Behind the Bima. If you enjoyed the show, please subscribe, rate, and review on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcast. We'll see you next week for [music] another peek behind the Bima.