Are we in a Shidduchim crisis or self awareness crisis?!

welcome to another episode of positivity is the shim crisis real or not um and let's cut to the chase in my opinion there is no sh crisis why should there be there is more than enough more than enough boys and girls more than enough good people out there I've seen the charts and the magazines I've seen the articles about CH I've heard the complaints about them I've heard the uh the uh the lack that people have with calling sh the fear um in my opinion there is no crisis there is no sh crisis and I'll tell you why there's great boys great girls out there there is great Cham out there and I've spoken to so many each and every one of them are awesome maybe some are better some are worse they're awesome there's great dating coaches there is great people out there people that really care there is no crisis in my opinion there is there is a lack of Education crisis and what I mean by that is three things people when we talk about the subject of sh people need to find themselves number one number two people need to know the meaning of marriage and number three people need to know how to treat a spouse and let's try to break it down one by one okay when we say people need to find themselves when it comes to going into what does that mean and this goes even if you're married already so if you're if you're married you're listen again enjoy who are you what do you like what's your purpose did you ever look back at your past do you have some sort of pattern of things that you do reasons why you do it or not and or are you just having all these things blow up in your relationship in terms of your past your everything that you were lacking growing up and now it's all coming out or going into into relationship marriage or in your current marriage expecting that as the saying goes marriage is your doctor marriage is not your doctor but some people use it for that and use it for healing and use it for for comfort for all the wrong reasons of what of what actually marriage is made for so when people find themselves that's step number one to having a happy relationship marriage slash finding your potential relationship marriage um again no crisis over here number two people need to know the meaning of marriage now when I say the meaning of marriage is I'm not married yet but I've been in sh for eight years and I started doing my research What is marriage reading books from many of our Jewish influencers whether it's rabbi as fredman that I respect a lot or different books that I read Jewish books or non-jewish books or learning that I learned in swam about what marriage is what makes a good marriage and I'm still searching so I can't say that I know for exactly what it is for sure but people need to know the meaning of marriage and I believe that a lot of people do not know the meaning of [Applause] marriage giving instead of getting I think one of the most common mistakes that people think in marriage at least for me when I started out that was the point let me go into a relationship so that I can have somebody give me everything that I need it's wrong um things like lot not losing um not losing your own values in a marriage like so many people go in and they just don't they're not themselves anymore they just completely deter to their spouse and to what they say or what they do which I believe is very wrong um or what kind of person are you even looking for have you ever thought of that so by answering the question um and by knowing the meaning of marriage that's on you to understand and learn the meaning of marriage of course you learn once you get into marriage and that's that's beautiful but you can do some of the learning before you get into a marriage again no sh crisis over here you should learn what marriage is about and you should find yourself which is the point number one that we made number three people need to know how to treat a spouse again no sh crisis here do you know how to treat another person this is not your brother it's not your sister it's not your friend at work it can be your friend of course a spouse can be your friend but a couple of pointers understanding women's needs and I think that that's even more important than the opposite way around from what I hear women naturally have a a gift of of caring of being more aware of their feelings they live more in their bodies not so much on their heads like men um and they do have a head start in this subject but for many men they have no idea what it is that they're that a woman needs and that's something that they can simply learn simply go get help or coaching for understanding and allowing growth first of all space but also growth change accepting change and of course the unknown you go into a marriage you don't know what your spouse will be in 6 months from now how they will change are you allowing that space for them or are you trying to control exactly who they are and whether they are allowed to change or not whether they're allowed to be different or not understanding Love Languages which is huge we all accept love in a different way ultimately that's what relationships are for for love and everybody has there's five love languages right there's there's words of affirmation time quality time there is gifts some people receive love through gifts there is acts of service and there is touch there's five love languages and these love languages are important because we know that if somebody has one of them and they're receiving love from a different kind of way that they that does that they don't that's not their love language then they don't see it as love you can be buying gifts for your spouse as many gifts as you want but it's not going to be for them love for them love is is the quality time that they need for them love is the acts of service what are you actually doing for them love is is a hug so it's important to learn these these Love Languages mainly before going into marriage again no crisis here it's just on you to make sure that you have these things in in place um I made a couple of posts on LinkedIn and I have these posts in front of me um one was particularly that just went viral and was seen by by over 15,000 people at least to how much I can track um was an article that I wrote which was why I took a break from dating and what I wrote is that I noticed that I was looking for something outside of me perhaps a feeling of love acceptance or validation or all which I was taught growing up is a need and a must you must get married and with the way I perceive marriage as a taking instead of a giving a break from dating girls gave me the ability to date myself and see what it is that I truly love and see what are the feelings that are missing in my life and this is something people can do even once they are married they can still date themselves and it was a true adventure for me a lot came up and I'm proud to have worked on myself and continue to do so and now I'm truly proud of myself and who I've become I love my feelings thoughts and emotions and I don't run away or hide from them because I know that they will keep on coming up until I validate and notice them I can give listen and love someone else because I practice it on myself I'm sharing this to inspire singles or parents of singles to take a break and ask yourself the hard question of who you are become whole before finding a partner because ultimately you have to find yourself before finding a partner and this post went viral people took at the heart people took at the heart that that yes they need to find themselves there is no shim crisis there is a lack of Education there's a lack of Education crisis there's a lack of Education around shim of as I mentioned who you have to become before you enter sh and what the purpose and the meaning of marriages and there's enough people out there teaching us that will tell you there's enough coaches in every community and for you to learn as well on how to treat a spouse so that you're ready for marriage there is one little crisis part that I would say and admit into what people are calling crisis which is that truthfully that even once a person completes these first three steps that I just mentioned finding yourself finding the meaning of marriage and learning how to treat a spouse so now they're completely ready the the only crisis there that there is again I believe in putting yourself into a positive space where everything comes to you and you don't have to chase or or or or or work hard to getting it but if I were to say that there is a crisis there is a crisis in terms of helping our brothers and sisters out which is every one of us this goes if you're married or single young or old have you called up your friend not not just about reading a have you just called a friend to randomly check on them to ask them how they're doing or did you call them to we all have friends we all have friends in sh there's plenty of people out there and I do believe that it's on our responsibility and just a Mitzvah a nice thing to do to read to somebody else just the thought just the phone call just the suggestion just asking somebody for their for their resume and photo will give them light will give them strength to go on another day another week another month in there if they if they have misery because of of being single so this is possibly a small crisis the way I see it cuz many people have have yes have worked on themselves and they're looking to get into but they don't they don't know people and again they could be doing stuff I'm I'm not giving them an answer over here there is steps that they can take but you can make it a lot easier for them and if we would have all of our brothers and sisters in mind and keep on trying ideas for them I did already three ideas and I continue to practice 10 minutes of shim every day every day I will think about what can work for which friend because of me for me not for them it makes me feel good so I hope that you can help your brothers and sisters and just give them the phone call you know the if you read it to them if you have an idea for them or not or if you ask them how they feel about it doesn't have to be such a stigma just ask them by the way how you dealing with being single CU for some it's a big problem some are married and they have a bigger problem I'm not I'm not but this the subject over here is about so I hope you to take out something of value from this conversation please feel free to leave a comment share join the conversation so that we can see and learn from each other so that we can bring awareness to people and please share and rate the podcast or leave a like um And subscribe it really means a lot to me thank you for listening have a wonderful day