Oholei Torah Parents Bar Mitzva Meeting 5783

good evening and welcome please make yourselves comfortable I actually prefer not to use the mic and I believe everybody will be able to hear me thank you feel free to move up closer if you'd like make yourself comfortable it's going to warm up the heat is on we find ourselves in schnas Hawk Hill the purpose of a high kill is for people to gather together occasionally you'll have a community white hot girl a black cocktail a bunk Cockrell and this is a unique and special hotel for parents of 12 year old boys who are about to make a bar mitzvah next year mirtochem and the purpose of tonight's meeting is so that we can learn together and hear and share everything that we're able to about making a bar mitzvah want to thank everybody for coming on a weekday night it's not always easy on the weather was okay and I also want to acknowledge that there's various different types of people in the crowd some people on their way here probably uh maybe a spouse looked at a spouse and said wow I can't believe we're making a bar mitzvah already it's your first child it's exciting you never made it by Mitzvah before your taco wondering some people here may have made barmitz ready two times three times four times but um the goal is to go through everything and I believe that there's something for everybody to hopefully be inspired and learn tonight at tonight's event so when your son turns 13 he becomes a banyan limits Vice he becomes in all the Mitzvahs and keeping Tyra Mitzvahs why because when you turn 13 years old you become a baradas when you're 13 it's when you are responsible it's when you're able to make good decisions it's when you're able to have Maya and only then is a fear to make you responsible so when you turn 13 you become a vardas on that same very day at that moment you become Ben you'd give him a Mitzvahs you become so the theme of tonight's event is that 13 is not just an age it's a stage it's a whole new stage in somebody's life in the life of a young man of a young boy Amir tashem everything that we're sharing on the slides tonight will share as a PDF and we'll put it out in an email and on the WhatsApp so you can see everything that's on the slides you don't have to take any pictures or jot anything down additionally this year we have a handout which I hope you all received on your way in it looks like this and you could follow along as this handout very much follows along with tonight's presentation I do want to take a moment to thank Mrs bayarsky who attended this event last year and put this together for US based on last year's recording this year's presentation was slightly updated as we updated every year but if you follow along in the handout it will very much match the slides and the slides will be shared with you as well so the theme of tonight is 13 is not just an age it's a stage but truthfully this stage of 13 really begins a little bit now when your son is already 12 years old because when your son is 12 years old he's called him learns out from Apostle is some extra words there and the gemara learns out what is the extra word you come to teach us that a boy who turns 12 years old or a girl who turns 11 if they're smart enough unable to understand what it means to swear in the name of Hashem then they are Macho you have to keep their vows they are to keep their nether so that's a fascinating theme when you turn at 13 but there's actually one Mitzvah the Mitzvah of there the midst of keeping your vows of keeping your nadaram your maglev to keep from when you're 12 years old if you make a vow and you're competent enough to understand what you're doing now we all know that the rabbi would send letters to people for life cycle events for an upsharnish for a bar mitzvah foreign for moving into a new house in the early years of their businesses there used to be a letter that the rebel would send to boys when they turned 12 years old and it was called the muffler each letter because like from the word is the lesson of the past second of the gemara and the rabbi would write this letter to boys when they turned 12 years old because when you turn 12 because you already have that one Mitzvah it rarely puts you already into this process and there means you have an added responsibility so I'll briefly read one quote from this letter where the rabbit rights by kaise is to explain to you what this concept is the added responsibility that a 12 year old boy has because he is in the status says that he hopes that through explaining this to your child something that you could all do tomorrow this will add in your child foreign so at 12 years old the process really begins that's the age that they're in right now another thing to notice about somebody who's 12 is that is from when a child is born year one two three all the way until they're 13 years old it continues but the training that happens happens until 13. once they turn 13 it's not a training anymore once they turn 13 it's for points it's real and perhaps there's a misconception out there about Civics Hashem because everybody knows their bastard service Hashem approximately 42 years ago to sign up the children so people think that children are in service Hashem when you turn Bar Mitzvah you're no longer in service Hashem but that is the opposite of the truth the truth is that when you turn Bar Mitzvah or basmitzvah that is when you become a full-fledged member of cloud Israel that is when you become part of civis Hashem part of the Sava the army of Hashem that is when you have the mission that is when you have the Mandate that is Hashem program that the rabbit started 42 years ago was a training program for children to get them used to listening to the commander-in-chief and to listening to their parents and listening to their teachers so that they can learn that that that that Authority that Authority and that discipline and then when they turned 13 they should be trained and ready to truly enter to this Hashem and be a full-fledged member in Claude Israel so two years before service Hashem was launched the rabbi wrote a letter to literature for their dinner as the rebel would write a letter to alter for their dinner every year and this was already two years you already see this theme in the rep is letters so the the dinner took place in the parisha the week of Parsons by mid-bar impartial refers to the Idina as an army so the Rabb over there talks about how children are part of service Hashem and they're in the Army and then if you see the next paragraph the rubber writes but in order to do that one must have the proper training a good soldier is not born he must undergo a period of training undergo a strict a meticulous discipline and this is the function of hinoch true Jewish Education the kind of which the educational institute alitara is dedicated and has been highly successful with hashem's help and yours in raising civil sashem of whom we can all be proud of so as we're approaching the bar mitzvah it's important for us to realize that while there's so young this is our last chance and this is our our Kindle I remember when I went to Camp you would practice the song for color again and again and again and they always say okay this is the last practice the next one's for real the next one's for the judges the next one's for points so when your child is 12 years old and he's already a Mufflers we need to realize that we need to realize that experiments was approaching and we have to up the training and take it only more seriously and he should be fully ready for when he turns bar mitzvah so tonight's event which talks about this stage of turning 13 we will emitz Hashem cover everything Lena there from when a boy turns 12 years old up until his bar mitzvah and until his Aliyah which comes after his bar mitzvah the main theme of tonight's event is that because it's such a big event it requires preparation from the bar mitzvah boy and from the parents and we're going to divide tonight's evening primarily into two parts about the bar mitzvah and about the parents the goal is to be as resourceful as possible to share as much guidance and guidelines as possible and needless to say that many points tonight some will be halacha from some are going to be clear high rise of the rabba some are going to be practical tips of making a bar mitzvah as a parent of Alita or as a boy in credits some will be common sense and the Mirza sham will go through that and we'll try to identify everything as we go through that Emirates Hashem I believe strongly that if we understand what's happening and if we understand what we're doing we do it with more meaning we do it more correctly and therefore before we go through everything it's important to understand what happens when somebody turns 13 years old so we mentioned that he's the bar Das and therefore is so on the day that a boy turns 13 he's meant to accept upon himself El Taira and El mitsu which means the Yoke the responsibility of keeping Torah and keeping Mitzvahs now you may think that it should be not a happy day because you're accepting this huge responsibility on you however it says in the zayar that the day of Obama of your bar mitzvah you're meant to be happy like on the day of your own and in various letters of the Reba the Reba referred to this oil of the cabalos El terrible referred to it as which means a pleasant yoke it's something that it's an honor it's a pleasure we're excited to have this responsibility and like it says in zayar that this day when you take this oil this L name of China Mitzvahs you should be excited and happy like on the day of your hippo now in quoted here in English explains that on the day that you turn 13 years old is the day of kiss when a boy has his briss his officially kissed begins to enter his body it remains like that when he's two three four all the way until 13 the day he turns 13 years old is the day that is an episode of Kiss completely enters his body and now he becomes responsible and liable and responsible to keep Hollow terracula in the earlier years of the rabbis Messias Bar Mitzvah boy had discussed that he got and got to go into the red before in 1982 until that stopped and afterwards the rebel would then do a yachidus which means all the bar mitzvah boys of like these two three months would come into the rabba first it was in the rabbit's room then it moved out to the zal outside on the upper level of 770 thank and then eventually he got such a large crowd it went to downstairs 770. I actually from my one of my childhood memories I remember attending this one of these Scholars not the years I'm quoting but a later one my um my my older Brothers Bar Mitzvah was in touch and none and by the scholars for the government so boys the whole family got to go and I remember it because it was it was everybody was downstairs it was men and women there was no machitza but they were like divided and it was a unique event so I remember that and that is of course spoke to the bar mitzvah boys and their families about the importance of of our Mitzvah so here we're going to bring down from yahidas College from the year Topsham We Know YouTube is approaching and everybody knows it says so I could rest in it but it says it says in them because every single Jewish person has their own miktism inside them so the rabbit said that on the day of your bar mitzvah is your personal Hanukkah sabayas just like there was the big event when the Michigan was ready and they made or there was a big event when the Visa mix was ready on the day of your bar mitzvah it's this great event that it is your personal for your own and in the next year the following year in the Zion the rabbit explained that most entire happened only one time it happened to the Eden over 3000 years ago at her Sinai but every single year it undergoes once in their own life their own day that is their own personal mountaintirah and that is the day that they turned Bar Mitzvah so we see that when you turn 13 something's actually happening you're becoming a bardas you're becoming beniod it's like the excitement of it's like your own mountaintail it's like your own and to heal him it says that um Hashem today I gave birth to you and the desire it says that is the day of his bar mitzvah because on the day of his bar mitzvah is the day that is it was the snapshot case which we quoted before from the author of therefore it's like you were born today you're a new person you're a new entity and this is a very very special day the day that you come the son of Hashem and you become a full-fledged member of kaly Israel so now that we understand the greatness and the awesomeness of this Milestone of turning 13 and becoming we understand that there's a lot of preparations that need to happen so I'm going to put down now a list of different things that are done not everything on this list that you have to do I'm going to put down everything on the list that gets done as part of bar Mitzi boys preparations we will discuss each one and then we will revisit this list which is the million dollar question which one of these things are priority which one of these things are not a priority and I hope to answer that to the best of my ability so here we go we have forever it's the voice preparation we have to learn how to fill in to learn the mimer to learn a pill pulliam's children for the amod and make a speech of your bar mitzvah these are different preparations that bar mitzvah boys do and now we will delve into each one each one will have its own slide we're going to talk about it and we're going to revisit this list before we move on to the parents part of the preparation let's talk about hookah's thrilling in countless countless letters of the Reba the rabbit stressed that the most important preparation that any bar mitzvah boy has to do for his bar mitzvah is to learn what the rabbit calls the needed you need to know how to live like Aid of course you need to learn how to fill in what makes villain different than any other Mitzvah is that most mitsules are already doing from when they're two three four until should I increase doing that it's feeling we don't do until right before the bar mitzvah so they need to learn Hills to fill in and they need to learn all these what they need to do to be a propriet and to keep Tire amid space that is something that the river stressed in countless letters so that preparation is something that we do in Yeshiva I believe we do it quite well we use the safer which is a contemporary safer by Ravi Horowitz who lives right here in Crown Heights and the advantage of using that safer is that it has everything from the author of siliconarok and anything that may have been added or that we know about from the Rebecca Rice or letters or monogam so when you learn from you know exactly how to do it we learn it here in Yeshiva we run a extra they learn it in class but we'll run like an extracurricular program it's called it's a competition the boys get tested on it they take two tests our seventh grade just took their first test on half of shavatyakar before Purim will take a second test on the second half we have a final after program we have done there's money to be earned prizes to be earned and then there's a hidon right after pesach so in Yeshiva we pretty much take care of this of learning healthcare's thrilling however I do want to add that if you have a son that's having before seventh grade some people in this room their son might have enough so on the end of 6 grade ready or middle of the summer or in the beginning beginning of the school year and it may be that we did not yet have a chance to start learning it in seventh grade next year I think it's highly advisable that a father should sit down with his son open up a kitchenarov you don't have to learn every scenario what's if you by mistake put it in Ravena Tom first or if you have to show them drop your fill in you don't have to learn all those but just the basic Allah face of how to put them on a weir and when I went to went to touch them during davening or every father could do that with their son from prior to his Allah here you see some pictures from our competition that we have the fidon that we have the Salam and the kids go on stage and they take tests so we we take care of that and we we truly strive that our automatic which is the most together with all Allah's most important preparation for a bar mitzvah boy to make mimer so it is our minute that a bar mitzvah says a mimer specifically says the mimer of Isabell matters tell him this is something that there ever told people something I've never wrote to people and it is also our meaning that it should be learned by pet here's a quote from a letter of the rabbit with the rubber rights nag it's a time of a comma Manchester United in another place to have rights it's easy to learn about Pat maybe not for everybody but if you put your head to it you could do it and your son should also learn this mimer balpell so I'll take a moment to pause we have actually an exciting handout safe is in English for the very first time put together a brand new um lessons in east of America on the mimer it's not just a translation it's beautifully well done it really teaches you the mimer properly uh it was not yet released this is a draft this is their first version and this is a special printing that we have for tonight exclusive for the parents who join us here tonight sponsored by the Hixson family and uh thank you and I do want to mention that tonight is the outside of rabiana Mayer Who's the artist tonight who is the founder of surface in English so everybody on the way out you will get this in the lobby where you did the raffle ticket and got the handout you'll get this on the way out and the one condition sucks in English allowed us to print it specially for tonight was that I announced as follows that if you find any mistakes any corrections please email editor Sie the email I believe is in here dot org I think or.com and they would like to know before they publish it you know officially they're happy to get feedback from anybody who uses this immersive show so that is the mimer of Eastover matters Tillman often parents ask me do we learn the mimer in school we don't because you can't learn about pet in school it's very much uh something you got to do on your own you got to sit down and learn about that and to learn the mimer inside is not something that's very easy to do it's not the easiest mimer however especially now with this circus in English if you want to learn it before your son starts learning it you tell them some points of course in Yeshiva sometimes I bring a speaker it says over some ideas from the mimer we do that but we don't learn the mimer inside word for word and we don't certainly don't learn the minor buffet in uh in Yeshiva the mimer is available in that safer which I referenced before the miners deal with mccode so it's suggested that you Sun studies from that safer so he could properly read the words with the makudas like I mentioned it's nice if a father learns parts of the mime or even some of the memory khazal or some of the easier ideas that are in the mimer and regarding a tutor so I believe that for most boys no tutor is necessary to learn the mimer to learn the mimer about Pat the average student the average void could take the mimer set himself goals especially if he has the guidance of his father or his mother you break it down you look at a calendar and you set goals and you have to learn about Pat I can't put something about Pat in your head the only way you've learned something about that is if you sit down you have that diligence you have that commitment and you say it is and you say one line again and again and you you learn it by heart the way you learn something by heart and for a lot of boys there's no reason for them to have a tutor so you don't have to have a tutor for the mimer however for some boys it is a very big Challenge and it's a source of stress and it's hard for them so there are tutors who do help boys sit with them and you can do that yourself but I understand parents are very busy and you have a lot of children so sometimes it's easier you hire a tutor and they sit with your son and they set those goals and they test them and they make sure that he's up to date but there's no magic to insert something by heart into somebody else's head the only way to learn about heart is that they're committed and do it on their own so you technically do not need a tutor however tutors are available and If you want a tutor and this is something that will come up throughout the night I play a shotgun roll when it comes to Tudor because a lot of parents ask me do I know of a tutor and a lot of younger light or bathroom stop me and say do you have any tutoring jobs so anybody who stops me to ask me that question I collect their name and I have a long list just from ello of this year until now I probably have like 30 people and I do not necessarily know all of them we'll talk about that later we're gonna have a whole slide dedicated to tutoring but tutors are available for the mimer if you would like it's um very important I noticed that some boys they learn the mymrball path they hazardous so many times they know it so well they say it's speeding when they're practicing they knock it off and they only practice saying it so quickly so fast then they come to the bar mitzvah and they say it that way and it doesn't sound nice and it doesn't it's not I don't think it's for the mimer so it's much nicer you don't have to go slow but it's much nicer if you say with the proper tune and the proper tone like everybody either articulate the words people could hear you and if they don't practice saying it's low they actually can't they're only used to saying it quickly they go slow they get stuck so it's important after your son is causing the mimer like two three weeks before the bar mitzvah insists that he repeats it to you and it takes time if you do it properly takes 15 minutes about um you should insist that he says it slowly and properly articulates each word and then at the bar mitzvah it will be a beautiful mimer Emirates Hashem now let's talk about the pill pull so the rabbit clearly instructed Bar Mitzvah boys that they should prepare an Indian Enigma for their Bar Mitzvah it is absolutely that we have a pill pull out of our Mitzvah the rabbi even once spoke about specifically that um it should be in a pilpal style which a pill style is not just a vartira it's you say something and you challenge it and you bring another source and it appears to be a contradiction and you reconcile the contradiction that's what a pill pull is the rabbit clearly instructed many boys to say a pebble at the bar mitzvah and that it should be purple style if possible and like I mentioned before all the boys got to go into this without fail from what I heard every single Bar Mitzvah is always ask them are you saying a purple and which people and often there ever would even ask them a question on the people that they told her that they're saying and there's some famous stories about that so this was something that meant a lot to the Reba that there have been instructed people to do and asked every single bar Mitzi boy are you seeing a pill pull which purple are you saying so we don't have a minig which specific people to say but it is our medic to say the pill pull we don't have a meaning of cutting off I think another cries and there's a missile voices of shuttle and you cut them off that's not our minute to cut them off but if you do want to have that like the music Cuts them off and it's exciting he should say the whole purple start from the beginning again we do that by the mimer as well and then the music could go on and this is something that I wish more Bar Mitzvah boys would do because this is something that's of high priority as you'll see when we get to the end of these slides Korea satira so this is one of the biggest misconceptions about turning Bar Mitzvah there are people who believe that you only become our Mitzvah if you read from the tire if you lean the tire of the Shabbos and this is something that the Reba was uh clear about on multiple occasions in a very unique way where there ever says it is absolutely not our minute that a bar mitzaboy has to Lane the terror read the Tyra it's not something that's required it's not something that rub endorses it's not our meeting at all doesn't mean that it's Usher to do but it's absolutely not our minic um The Rebel said this is not what you should be focused on because when you turn Bar Mitzvah the main focus should be on learning preparing a mimer preparing your people and not this meaning of just reading the Torah which to the rabbit had no value so I have here on the screen I'm going to quote one letter of the Reba here on the screen there are various letters about this where there ever says my opinion about this is well known from back then for a while unfortunately in this generation it's painful there ever says that he took what's a priority and they turned it into secondary and they took what's secondary and they turned it into priority and if you read learn further in the letter thereof is complaining that they they're my eight they're decreasing in their limit of the ascitis and the icarim the Allah you need to learn every single day and then they're unfortunately focusing on things that are good there was never to minig and we don't have this many that you're supposed to read the title in another letter there's actually a family that wrote Into the rabbit after their bar mitzvah and I'm not going to bring it on the screen but this is another letter or a few about this the family wrote into the river after their Bar Mitzvah they give their report and they wrote the bar mitzvah Lane and they were very proud about it and the river responded to the fact that the bar mitzvah boy leaned and it's a very long letter that becomes more reasons over there and in that letter there ever says that even though so to say this is my words you don't cry over spilled milk but there ever says even though the governments have happened like you know what could I do but I want you to know my opinion about this and I want you to be mefarsome I want you to publicize what my opinion is about this and there ever says that unfortunately these days there's less hours of school than it used to be and all boys were in school the whole time there was no summer no breaks there's much less School these days that's number one then there ever says also these days there's so many hours of the day are not dedicated to learning Tyro and so preparing for the bar mitzvah and these days all families need to go on vacations and then there it says these days not just families have to go on vacations they need to be mahade their invocations so they have to be really careful and extra strict about their vacations and and the evidence says that the worst part is that they're learning for the Department of teaching them at a lane he's learning how to Lane he's not learning how to read the tire there's no skill involved only teaching him that prior so he learns that specific Parish after that he does not know how to lay him whatsoever and therefore the rabbit says you should be my first to my opinion that I'm not I don't endorse I'm not pro I I don't like this idea of wasting your time um uh preparing to learn the tire on such a focus on such a stress especially if it's coming in the place of all these other important so one may argue and I discuss this with other people and it's a valid argument I'm not an authority here but one may argue that perhaps for another talmud it would be more okay or there would be less against it however you would like to word it why because in alitara we don't have the models and we don't have much vacation the girls have vacation this week not us right and we don't have less hours of learning we go eight to five and we learn the Yeshiva and we you could teach yourself the skill you could actually teach on at a lane properly not focus on The Sing song of his partial teach him the skill and if he has free time at night instead of playing on the computer or just fighting with his siblings he's going to have now a tutor and honor of his bar mitzvah and he's going to learn how to learn perhaps it could be okay according to all the reasons that they're ever gave in that letter they kind of check off each one and perhaps that could um now everybody think mentions over there if you had zman upon or if you had extra available time like fine so perhaps an Ollie tiger Atomic could fit into that um category but what's what I'd like to make clear is that it's not needed to become our Mitzvah it's certainly not a priority and it's not something that needs to get done and all the other letters there always says use that time to add in learning don't you know don't do this made up meaning of reading the title as mentioned okay now if your son will nevertheless be laning because you think that your son can handle it and you're taking care of all the priorities ahead of this in your Summer Lane there are plenty of tutors available for that as well you can reach out to me if you're looking for a tutor now it's very important that you choose the right Powershell because a lot of times boys they're nine or ten years old they're very excited they open up a calendar and they say they know which parts of their reading and everybody takes it for granted and they prepare the powers time they're like a week or two off now honestly it's not terrible because it's not important to Lane but if you have your parents and siblings and everybody coming in for the shop is Bar Mitzvah and then you know a few weeks before development so you discovered that the last year you have the wrong partial you do have a little bit of a problem so I suggest but before you just take for granted that your son said my permission is look it up yourselves online now with the calendars it's much easier make sure that you have the power to write we had stories of tamidium who laying like two weeks later a week later because they they were off now it's what's very important to know is that when it comes to the mimer and maybe even the pillow certainly when it comes to the mimer I'm not saying this is good but this is how it is if your son's going to make a mistake nobody is going to notice only the father who's following along inside might notice the mistake and maybe the freshest Bar Mitzvah in his class who's listening in to see if his friend made a mistake who still knows the member well he might catch a mistake nobody else will make a mistake so it's not an embarrassing um public appearance for your son however if your son is leaning he has to do a good job he has to know well it's very intimidating and it could backfire and he can never want to lean again in his life if he gets up there and he lanes and makes mistakes and it's in front of all the whole show and you always have someone on the shoulders going to correct and correct even something that doesn't need to be corrected and um it could be a very um on unhealthy experience for your son so if he's going to lay and he has to know well you have to really test them and cause her it so that he could do a good job and then be proud and then taka in the next week the next week and encourage him to be a volcano now let's move on to the half title so similar to Korea sotara it's not at all our meaning that the bar mitzvah has to get the last Aliyah which is Mafia in order to read after it's very common maybe in other cries and it's not a Chabad thing at all however if you want to if you want your son to do the half Tire it is different trap and it's nothing that they ever learned in Yeshiva the Trap of regular laning a lot of boys could pick up on their own because a lot of rubbies when they learn hummus they do it with the Trap they have tiger trap is entirely different so if you want your son to do this of Tyron he's taking his mom it's so prep seriously and you have that extra time it's an opportunity you have a tutor you can throw it in you can learn it with him it's opportunity to learn it it's not it's not minute about to even get the Ali of Mafia altogether and we're going to talk soon we have a at the end after the bar mitzvah will slide of everything about Dalia is specifically to get the Aliyah on Shabbos which is a very special time for driver deriven or you get it eventually it was added that used to be only serviceman called picabalo like from the times of but then it was added that also Mondays and Thursdays are considered in a special day and you can get a bar mitzvah on a Monday and Thursday you do not get an Aliyah your first Aliyah ever on a Shabbos morning so if your son's mermaids was on a Friday or if your son's birthday son of Shabbos certainly you should not learn Theft Auto because he's not getting him after he's not getting an Alia shot this morning so you can't do the haftarah if his bar mitz is on Sunday and he got his first Alia Monday or if his bar mitz is Tuesday Wednesday Thursday and he got it supposed to leave Thursday you do have the option that Shabbos and surely get some after you read stuff you make a kid dish he may be Lanes you have that option but it's not our minute to get to aftiron and it's been a Chabad to get your first Aliyah on Monday Thursday or Shabbos do not bother preparing enough if your bar mitzvah is on a Friday or I'm a Shabbos and here it's even more important to make sure that you choose the right of Terror because it's harder to make a mistake but when it comes to that after very often okay I'm leaning uh so you turn the bachelor's now so you see that's tighter but as you know the terror changes quite often if it's uh two parties together if it's uh in the summer you have this and um personally my birthday is on puffy tissue and very often it falls out on a Sunday and the following shop is and [Music] um and for my permit so I did I have Tyra but it was on a Sunday I got my first Alia Monday I did have Tyra and uh Friday night and so I was sitting with my father reviewing the after the night the night before I'm uh leaning and I hear a boy behind me a boy from a different Yeshiva and Crown Heights was a friend of mine he was behind me and he's preparing his attire it was his permit so that week too and it's entirely different so we turned around we asked him what are you doing he's like I'm doing the affair and precious knife he showed us he said you know it's tonight it's different of Terra and luckily they had at least one night to realize that they were preparing the wrong Opera and I don't know what he ended up doing but when it comes to that if you're making that investment really you should triple check that you have the right of Tyra being prepared you have the arbor parishes and you have prescribed this to so many times that theft is not what it says that right after the partial tutors are available for this as well if you do want to make that investment spend that time in it now let's talk about a seamless knives so they're they're obey him all made to see Michelle for their own bar mitzvah and they require like the Republic Mirage required of all of his sons that at the bar mitzvah they need they need to make a CM on personally I've gone to barmitz where boys made a CM on and there's nothing more beautiful than that sometimes it was the whole sometimes it was a say there of messiah's sometimes it was a gemara when a boy makes us that he took upon himself in honor of his bar mitzvah and he had a goal to finish it before his bar mitzvah to make it's very beautiful and certainly if you look at all the rabbit's letters it's something that the rabba encouraged to make myself unlimited Terror so I would say see making assimes there is a source for this the rebaim did it they asked their sons to do it it's certainly I suffered them in the tire and it's a beautiful thing to make us see himself and there's tutors available for this this is the most prized tutoring job all tutors one sometimes they say I don't want a kid who's struggling and Yeshiva I have to teach them give me a smart kid that I could learn with him or learn with him you know so there's plenty of guys in kylo who are looking for this kind of tutoring job if you want to make that investment and you want to make that commitment it's a huge commitment not everybody's up to it but if your son is up to it it's certainly a beautiful thing to do youth based product most of us grew up knowing that our boys are supposed to learn or should try or do guild-based proc and Tiny about path for their bar mitzvah um so for the best of my knowledge the rebaims strongly encouraged to learn good based program but I have not found any specific source and if anybody knows please let me know that it's something that you do for your bar mitzvah it's something that they're being encouraged Prophet with the but I don't know it specifically as a hakana to the bar mitzvah nevertheless like mentioned before it's a beautiful thing to complete in honor of your bar mitzvah it certainly fits what the rebel wants it's I suffer limited and I will add that the first 17 lines of Tanya parrot mamalev the rubber various letters throughout this for different reasons for people who have anxiety for people who have nightmares for people who have much of azars in davening for all different reasons very much encouraged that bacharim and in the light should know the first 17 lines of Tanya paragraph or read it inside before Davina or they know by heart think it during the day different times their episodes a little differently in Yeshiva we'll get to this later we encourage the boys to be a schlier to push themselves chakras and we printed mirrors for their tillum bag with this first 17 lines of tiny paragraph on the back of it and we give it to them as an incentive after they completed during one minute and one chakras so we give it out and usually we did it last year we did it maybe two three years ago we usually try to make at one point during the year on mythsa to get the boys to learn by heart and to learn the meaning of it because it's all about knowing the meaning so is your baseball compatible has something that has to be done for your bar mitzvah no is it something that's strongly encouraged to do yes us and if you want to do it or not of your bar mitzvah I believe it's a beautiful thing it's certainly I suffer and limit the Tyra that goes in line with what they're encourage people to do now let's talk about being a slave siber to prepare your son to be a chaser or to learn nusa for davening like on Shabbos and yantev so some boys pick it up on their own they don't need to hear a word from you not just they pick it up on their own there are many boys who are extremely excited they can't wait to be a super the first night they do my revenue and chakras they're doing every time they could grab the omelet it's theirs they're very very excited at the same time there are a lot of boys who are very anxious or nervous they're hesitant to do it and they need to be encouraged to do so and we encourage them and push them a little bit and you see able to do it we don't force them at all and I think it's something that parents if you know your son is like that you should prepare it sometimes just sit down with him go through the davening with him and um like this will be prepared to be a slave siber I believe that if a boy does it when he's 13 when he's 14 when he's 15 it'll be easy for him if you don't do it and when you're 20 years old you want to go do it for your first time it can it can maybe be even worse in Yeshiva we we do a slave super training we have a handout we give the boys we tell them everything that they need to know practical tips we're gonna end off and how to do naked and how to do breakfast and where to say we don't sit with each Comet and you know Model A whole chakras with them something that a father could do besides we're doing our sleeve silver training we also do a we started we had it one year in person this year we started it over the phone we do khazarusa shots support where the talmudum call into a hotline and they record themselves during khazar shots which is an important part of English Timber maybe the scariest part for some boys not just one line here one line there and at least the physical shots we then listen to it and we Mark all for them in a private discreet way we give them a report of where which words the shots they need to fix up or brush up but they're mispronouncing and they could then do it properly and be less frightened to do because there's the shots in public and like I said we give the Merit incentivize the family them to um do it now some boys are besides from being a khasim for you know regular chakras on the weekday they're excited to do and then maybe and every year I offer to the parents it only happened one year where I say if there's interest we could put together a group of boys after school hours after their Bar Mitzvah not necessarily before not to utilize the valuable time where we can have like a training I could hire somebody and everybody will chip in and they'll learn the you know how to do a proper reminder on Shabbos called Shabbos and most of we've done it one year it was beautiful but other years there was not enough interest so if this these parents sitting here tonight are interested you can email me call me I'll collect your names the minute we hit four or five people it's something that we could certainly arrange Hashem and we can make Muslim classes now let's talk about the speech a lot of boys give a speech at their Bar Mitzvah so at that speech uh you know almost became a meaning the boys get up and they think their parents and their grandparents and their sisters and and you know all the jokes that they make and they think all the guests that came from so it's nice to make a speech I think it's a nice thing to do you certainly do not have to however if your son is not saying a pill pull then a speech is a great opportunity for at least that he could say a devartira and Indian and neglas even if he's not up to saying a purple even though it is Armenia and a purple is highly encouraged but he's not if he's not saying a pill then encourage usant to make a speech and let him get up there and thank the guests for coming and thank his parents and whoever and let him see it on that week's power show even a classical State we start with a question you see an answer you say yeah you're wrong so at least your son is Bar Mitzvah even if it's not purple style there's still a lot of value to that before we answer the million dollar question let's talk about tutoring because it was mentioned a bunch of time tutoring so all tutoring has to take place after school for the for your son's Bar Mitzvah why we have 140 boys in the grade and if everybody's gonna get tweeted First Amendment so during school hours everybody on their own schedule we could close down seventh grade because we won't have classes Bar Mitzvah year you come to Yeshiva you do you have to we learn Allah Yeshiva and uh Tipper and all the other things that we do in Yeshiva but at night is the time that they have to learn they're my Merlin they're popo she's in prison that has to take place at night this is um it's not necessarily with tutoring but we're mentioning after school hours so I just want to give all the parents a heads up that um your son next year or when he starts learning for his bar mitzvah has a built-in excuse for anything that you're ever going to ask him to do whether you can ask him to do or you can ask him or help at home take care of the sister go shopping he's gonna say I have my mimer to do I'm very busy I'm stressed I have my mimer but realistically they're not sitting and learning their memory every single night because if they really did they would know it rather quickly it's not the end of the world for most boys and I don't mean to to judge the people of our time but just be ready for this built-in excuse that my bar mitz is coming they've become like exempt and Potter from everything and God forbid to ask them or put any pressure on them for anything because I need to learn my mimer but they're not actually learning it to be be ready for that and um often parents are asking me where can my son learn if you don't have space in your house or you don't want the tutor coming to your house and it's taking place after hours so there are a few great places in current Heights where you could learn at night in a safe open place one is Yeshiva seraf we're for seventh grade currently our Yeshiva served locations Crown condos at Yeshiva Sera you're allowed to learn whatever you want and you can meet a tutor there and you can prepare for your bar mitzvah at Yeshiva sir you're more than welcome to there's also three locations in Crown Heights to open public place Madras with cameras with access to the public with people always there about Hashem on Eastern Parkway next block there's one on Albany near president and there's one on Empire and Kingston so yeah Doterra is a great place for boys to meet their Bar Mitzvah tutors and also the Kailua often allows voice to come meet a couple younger man in kylo there's already various titles and Crown Heights you know five six o'clock you go meet a coloring demand in the Carlo and you learn with them over there so those are great safe places after school hours where your son could learn first bar mitzvah on his own in the first two locations on his own or with his two in any of those three locations so if you want a tutor it's best to call me in the beginning of next year unless you want to get learning now because my tutors they change who asks for tutoring jobs usually a younger money just got married he's in quite a little half day part-time a bachelor is transitioning then they they you know they get married they get jobs they move out of town so my list kind of goes obsolete almost each year and I start all over I kind of wipe my list clean and I start all over so if you want to start learning performance for now you can call me tomorrow email me I'll give you names of tutors but if you're only planning to start permit so prep next year there's no I will not be able to help you to line up your tutor now because I don't know who the tutors will be next year they change there are some people who do this as a living and you know there are a few like that as well so you can call me now if you want to start now or in the beginning of next year I strongly encourage that if you hire a tutor it's you're hiring them you need to be comfortable with who they are you need to do research on who they are and if I give you a name I do not necessarily know the person people WhatsApp me I heard you have tutoring jobs today please be a tutor and I just give them a link and I have a Google form for them and I just my list grows some of these and ask for references and if they're married or single and how old they are and if they're interested in environmental tutoring or other kind of tutoring I ask all that in my form but I don't necessarily know these people so they give you names it doesn't mean that I vouch for them that they're good or that I know who they are it's your responsibility to do your own research and often parents ask me what the going rate is and I don't know especially with inflation I haven't checked recently what the going rate is if I had to guess but this is really just my own guess I really don't know I would guess that uh the lower end average rate is probably like already 25 for 45 minutes there are certainly tutors out there who take a hundred dollars for a half hour because they're considered the best career tutors and they're certainly buckram and you know basementers who are only 18 19 that will tutor during the Olympic for ten dollars um but I would say the average is probably 25 for 45 minutes but I really don't know because I don't get involved in the money I give parents a name for a tutor I give the tutor's name of the parent they speak they hide they get hired they work together they transfer the money I'm not involved in that part at all so for the million dollar question which of these achamas are a priority and a lot of it was answered as I was speaking so just to be clear I'm not the that's Tyra here I'm not the authority on this but I shared I believe what the facts are with you based on my own research based on what's very well known and I will propose my suggested list in the order of the priorities what which your son should focus on number one Hillcrest villain and all hello that is the most important Bar Mitzvah he has to know how to keep but he has to know what to do number two to do the Miami at his bar mitzvah number three is to do a pill pull number four if he's not doing a pill pull do a speech with the devartiro number five do us number five and six are I would say equal none of them come before each other either do a siamesh or either that's encouraged do it in honor of your son's Bar Mitzvah beautiful thing to do next I would say is to learn how to be a slave siber it's not something you must do now I will mention that remotel Shusterman who was the Volcano by the rabba the there's a safer about him which I don't recall the name of that safer and in there he has a story where the rebel once instructed him in the early years of the Republic says now it seems to be the meaning that even bahram the implication of that is that it used to be I guess only married people went to Domino's it's a shame they shouldn't know how to do it and they have even said I'm not talking about doing the name on Muslim I'm talking about a regular I never asked them to do training for the bakram in 770 so I think it's a great thing to do and the last two things would be Priya satara and the haftarah so this is what I believe based on all the rice of the rabba everything that we know from the Lioness all the sources this is the priority Hill Festival speech would Advertiser and then the rest let's talk for a moment about Allah because it's not only about office your son is going to be obligated to keep all 630 misses he has to be fully ready for example he has to start being careful about Krishna he has to make sure that he's wearing tits that are the size of minotaurus some boys are maybe a little more petite or smaller they wear a size 14 cities or size 16 you're not the Mitzvah with that it has to be an alma by an ammo so you go to the store you could ask them exactly what size it is if it's size 18 or 20 but when they're bar Mitzi if the weird sits this property they have to say Shema properly maybe start doing and other such things that need to start taking place once they turn Bar Mitzvah now before we go on to the preparation of what the parents have to make let's talk about your children for a little bit and let's talk about anxiety so anxiety is very prevalent these days so any child who's already struggling with anxiety when their Bar Mitzvah approaches it's like turning up the flame it's got anxiety comes out in the open much higher much stronger and even boys who never you never saw your child experience any anxiety and he was always happy to go lucky when it comes to their Bar Mitzvah they could be anxious and the reasons are obvious because public speaking is considered one of the biggest anxieties for many people out there very often they're worried about how the romance is going to look and my some of my friends might be wealthy or they have a fancier party mine is less fancy there's like a social anxiety and they're also saying something about Pat forget about speaking in public about parent public they're worried they're going to blank out that they're going to forget so there's there's a lot of reasons to be nervous so the first thing to know and that reduces the anxiety is that it's normal to be anxious for the bar mitzvah and you together with your child could figure out ways to reduce the anxiety for example if your son is anxious one of the ways to reduce anxiety is not make him Lane first bar mitzvah or not make him do the Thera you can take some of the responsibility that he doesn't need to do take it off him or if he's very anxious with his memory how I'm never going to be able to learn this about pet you sit down you break it down this week you're going to do these three lines this week even do these three lines the regular simple tips of just taking the challenge and chopping it up a little bit and helping to reduce the anxiety discuss it with your son you know validate his feelings and be there for him one of the best lines that I often repeat that I've learned about anxiety which for me is always like a Guiding Light is anxiety very often could actually be doing your favor anxiety and you could talk to your son about this anxiety is not a bad thing for example I was a little anxious about tonight's event so I made sure to prepare better and I came here early and it made sure everything was up and running so that anxiety helped me it motivated me to do a better job and to to work on this so one of the best lines I heard about anxiety is that anxiety is okay and it's fine and not just it's okay it could be your friend it could be doing you a favor there's only when could you identify if the anxiety is healthy or unhealthy the differences if the anxiety paralyzes you or the anxiety mobilizes you so if your son has a test in school and he's anxious so he's paralyzed and he can't get out of bed that morning we have a problem but if your son has a test in school and he's anxious so because of that he asks his father to learn with him and he gets up early any hazards and he goes over the night before and he does a better job and immobilize them to prepare for this test that's a fine anxiety that's totally fine and the same thing applies with adults if they have a certain procedure that they need to do at the doctor's office and they're so scared of it they don't go that's a problem but if they you know figure out other ways how to do it in a safer way in a way that hurts less or um that's more comfortable then that anxiety is fine so just to keep that in mind anxiety is very normal before the bar mitzvah keep out an eye for it and you could address it most parents could address this anxiety with their own children without any therapists parents are the best therapists for their own children now let's talk about the parents preparation for the bar mitzvah so we're going to go through a bullet a list and then we're going to talk about each one again we have to order to fill in you have to get filling bags hat and jacket suit choose a date plan the event reserve the Aliyah I'm gonna have a slide about each one and everything's in the handout if you're following along you can catch up we're somewhere there in the handout okay let's talk about ordering fill in so first of all order if you have not yet ordered your son's fill in please order this fill in ASAP as soon as possible there is no greater headache for a boy who has a Knuckles villain and not have his own villain it is so not fair to them and so annoying to them to borrow their fathers to fill in their cousin from Zao to have in a different shift it's really not fear and it just ruins the excitement and it's a big headache and the boys are very excited for their Salon they're very excited and part of it is having their own tooling so if you didn't order please order it ASAP second of all plan to have them in advance and I think it's totally okay I'm not encouraging anybody to lie you don't have to tell you're the cipher the wrong Bar Mitzvah date don't tell them the mermaids today just tell them the date that you wanted and buy I'd like my son's villain by next year Hanukkah doesn't matter when his bar mitzvah is that among the customer I'm paying you I want them Canada and do that if your sons on episode give it a couple of extra months you could always expect delays and there's covet and there's inflation and the shipping you know all the answers so give it a couple of extra months so that you actually have your sons fill in and by the way if your son's phone will come the night before and you have them on time you still didn't do them a favor the anxiety that I'll have the month the month before not sure if he's having them it's also not fair to him so plan to have them in advance it's the smartest thing to do do your own research which Cipher you want to order you told them by and you want to order good to filling when I spoke to it from cipherm a few years ago before preparing for tonight's event they they told me about this concept they encounter often where you have a boy he's uh goes to Yeshiva so the Shabbat is you know he's connected to Hashem he's on his own already he's 18 he's 19. he's getting married he comes to check his thrilling they haven't been checked since his bar mitzvah nobody checked them and they checked the spoon and safer says uh sorry your phone are really bad where'd you get your tone from there not much at all you have all these issues with your filling and and they they see the spark her faint in their office this guy's 23 years old he's about to get married he finds out this film that he's wearing since his bar mitzvah's parents bought him they didn't do research and they wanted to a random Store and put them up here to London has all these issues that it's only culturally evid and not even according to about or whatever the issues may be and there could be various issues so therefore you you don't want your child to have that buyer's remorse it's better to make that investment to buy a good kosher Mahadev the computer and something that he could wear for life and be proud of and every time he comes back from the site where he gets you know I love all of plus plus and he has a beautiful appear of filling and you have to do your own research many cipherim that cell phone here in Crown Heights are very happy to show the children their own film being made and I think that's a beautiful thing to do something I would like to thank my son to see his own film being made so there's a lot of parts to making fill in so first of all there's making the bottom which means the house is the bias Rabbi Mendel Ulta and his number is there I hope it's in the handout if not you could I'll share these slides like I said he's the only one in chronic who actually makes batim here in Crown Heights and you could take he's he told me that I could announce that he's open anybody could come to him any day and watch him make bottom we also brought him here to Yeshiva last year but merciful will do this here again for the seventh grade and next year for the seventh grade Shem but he's the only one who actually makes bottom but there's the writing of the villain so very few cipherm are actually writing tool in here but if they are let your son go watch a little bit often the Thriller is being written on Earth is thrall but even if the throne are being written in energy straw there's the assembly decipher gets the bias he gets the fill and he has to roll it up he has to put it into the bias and then he has to sow it and then he has to paint it and then he has to attach the roots always to it there's more parts to assembling let's call it that that's fill in different site from are doing different amounts here on premises and if you're ordering local you could be in touch with a cipher you know my son's full and arrived from Israel and you're putting it into the bathroom call me I want to be there I want to come with my son I think it's a very nice thing to do so we covered odoring twillen twill and bags so I also ordered with enough time in advance you don't have to pay for Rush fees and your kid doesn't have to be nervous about it and I'm not here to promote um spending money or any establishments although I want to thank Prestige for sponsoring tonight's tonight's uh free Leathers filling bags I'm just putting this outer because this is a question that I often get there's a plenty of fathers I would say that they got a velvet tone bag with every mitzvahn they're very nostalgic about it and they want their son to have only a velvetilin bag and they think that Leathers may be modern or like why does my son need it but a little too late in the game the reality is I didn't do this but the reality is that everybody gets Leather So if your son requests a leather tone bag it's a very fear request from his point of view and then you could take it up with him but you do not have to lately there's a I would call them a cigas or why you're spending eight nine hundred thousand a thousand customizing matching their favorite colors and that's I don't think you have to do that if you go for there's plenty standard off the shelf beautiful beautiful filaments uh one of the things they do very smart these days that they didn't do when probably all of you had your bar mitzvah is that on the inside of the Tulum bag they you could embroider your name and your email address and your address and your phone number and of course you pay per letter but it's every it's worth it you know how many times you see appear it's full and lost and the pictures going around on social media and who's feeling is this and they only they were cheap they only put the guys initials so go figure out what this guy is or even if it says his name is Maisha Weiss it's not going to help you much but if in the inside there was a phone number an email address how brilliant is that and don't only do it on the large film bag do it on the rashes as well and under being a Tom because I'm exciting they often split up their filling and then they leave they're being a Tom and Michelle finzao and their rashes on the train and it's good that each bag that they own in the inside of it you put the email address and a phone number so if they get lost they could be returned to you without a problem those you aren't seeing are on the social media because those just get returned to their owners without you even knowing about it so that takes care of its film back to get a hand and jacket in advance and Yeshiva we want to tell me them to wear a black or navy jacket you have to get a suit for your son's Bar Mitzvah some parents get their son like a cheaper hat for weekday so it gets a little more beaten up and they don't have to be so careful about how they keep it and a more expensive hat for their Bar Mitzvah and for shops planning so one thing everybody in this room knows is you know your son's Bar Mitzvah you know the date so now what you need to do is you have to choose the date of the celebration you know when his birthday is but you need to choose the date of the celebration so first of all when should you make your son's Bar Mitzvah celebration many chabadas to make it the night following the birthday if not possible you make it the night before so for example today today as in Tuesday today was so somebody's birthday was based it says tonight should be his bar mitzvah if for some reason tonight doesn't work out let's say today was a Friday you don't want to do a Friday night Bar Mitzvah so you could do it last night because last night was also based spot and it is Bar Mitzvah so you do it the night of the bar mitzvah which is tonight or the night before that's when you should choose if needed you can make your permit so at a later date and later we're going to talk about a shop experiments about sphere government and we're going to talk about different scenarios that people are always wondering about you can make it at a later date but one thing you cannot do and there's clear hierarchies about this you cannot make government so early because vermicab is you can't celebrate it Thursday night it's not yet Bar Mitzvah you cannot make his bar mitzvah early you could postpone it and make it later now if you are making it later this is also very clearly rather have been multiple times where the web says if you're postponing the big celebration then you have to do something that people refer to as the Bible I'm on the day on the day of the bar mitzvah there should be 10 boy 10 men gathered family you should say the member and the father of the environment celebrates Bar Mitzvah even if it's a breakfast or a lunch but with the minion you have to celebrate Raiders bar Mitzi because that special day is the special day like we started off tonight's event now here in early Tyrone we can I know how to have a 140 some of them in the grade and sometimes we get our boys to share on the same birthday we do want to avoid that two classmates should have Hermits on the same night it used to happen a couple of years ago and it's uh not a good thing at all and it causes a lot of stress and a lot of politics and usually one of those mermaids this is fancier and the boys want to be at that one one is less and uh friends start choosing where they're gonna go we have to get involved and the parents tripped in we got event we have 12 kids go here 12 kids go here then they swap locations in the middle but it's not a it's not a fun experience at all and it's totally avoidable so therefore we are going to share a Google form with everybody and we're going to ask you to look at the calendar see when your son's birthday is figure out when you're making an actual Bar Mitzvah and put it in that Google form and then the results of that form which is just the dates nothing private no social security is just your son's name and his birthday and the deed of the celebration we will share publicly I review it as well to catch doubles and you could all see it and make sure the two people don't do it on the same night it's happened before where we discovered the problem in advance of the bar mitzvah but the parents said I can't change this I printed invitations my sister booked her tickets already you know I wish I knew a month ago I'm flexible I could have done it the night before I don't care but they simply didn't know so we do want to avoid that and that's why we share this Google form now it's important even if your son might say ah don't worry about it nobody in my class has the same birthday as me but that's okay but your son's birthday could be let's say on a Sunday he could have a classmate who has his birthday on Shabbos and he could have another classmate at his birthday on Friday and those people don't want to make a Friday night or matzo shops when they're they're making a baby I'm and they're doing a Sunday night Bar Mitzvah so they're choosing the same night as you so you can't just rely on your son saying nobody in my class has the same birthday as me you need to really make sure that nobody else in your son's class is planning to have a bar mitzvah on the same time we had a record this year's which was just last week we had three boys in the same class who had a bar mitzvah on the same exact day in the same class and Barbara Hashem the parents were flexible and worked it out and won by midsole it was Tuesday night one was Wednesday night and one was Thursday night and there was no no harm caused Hashem so and it's important to note that it is okay if your son's Bar Mitzvah is on the same night as a as a grade mate so we have Kita behave above your son some of dalid and there's a point of demo making environmental that's totally fine but if they're same class that is when it's going to be an issue the spreadsheet will be shared publicly now let's talk about planning the celebration something that you could also start doing right now because you know your son's birthday there's no reason to wait I would say reserve the hall in advance you already know the date don't delay and every year I get an email like tomorrow morning from about Toshiba did you have your bar mitz event last night we got like seven or seven reservations came in why do I say this because um there's not many Halls to make a bar mitzvah some people maybe make a smaller Bar Mitzvah I haven't been to burmesan a boy's house in years in a smaller Shoal occasionally standard bar mitzvah these days I'm not saying you need to do this so I'm telling you what standard ishiva Vega or small or jcm though that's standard now there's only one Lovato Toshiba a big hole if that's what you want um besides the fact that you're competing with a 140 boys in the grade not obviously not all having your permits to the same day we're not the only boys in Crown Heights there's a lot about the yeshivas I would say collectively between Ocean Parkway and Crown Street Isle of dark it's like another 75 boys besides for the 140 of our tummy de Manali tire out so there's over 200 boys having a bar mitzvah next year plus if you live in chronized you know this as well as I do that there's a lot of events there's Junior Niche and there's must and there's um shifter Pua and you know you name it there's auctions Galore and ptas and everything so they Reserve holes well in advance they know already every organization you heard of they're having events all the time and they're booking their halls in advance but you could beat them to it if you reserve the hole if your son's permits with tomorrow I say why not go ahead and reserve it if you know you want to make it on the jcm or the ravage you know the night book it tomorrow just put down the deposit and then you could cause you could avoid a lot of stress of figuring out we're gonna make a remitsuba should we now make a Shabbos one because anyways his data is not available and all those conversations which happen to people so I'm trying to encourage you to avoid that um you need to reserve the hall okay you need a reserve a caterer a musician and a photographer and again I'm not here to promote anybody specifically but the labashiva does have a bar mitzvah package so if you sign up for the package you get a standard bar mitzvah they give you the whole and they give you a choice of a caterer choice of a musician choice of a photographer but they deal with Decatur they pay the caterer they pay everybody you just give them one payment and they take care of it for you and that I would say most bar mitzers that I go to are the Shiva Bar Mitzvah package now LeBron did ask me to announce that you can make a payment plan so let's say your son's Bar Mitzvah is in 14 months so you can make a payment plan reserve the hall tomorrow if you'd like or you can do it tonight and you can make a call them so here's my credit card charge me 500 a month for the next 14 months by the time you come to remit so seven thousand dollars is paid which is I think most of the package cost of the package fee and then when you have the bar mitzvah and you're paying for the fill in a nano jacket and the suit it's not that all of a sudden you know twelve thirteen thousand or nine ten thousand seven thousand was taken care of some people find it easier to structure their payments that way she was happy to do that for you if you would like needless to say I've missed it before that all boys in the class must be invited to the bar mitzvah there is no such thing as a boy excluding a friend not inviting a classmate to mermaid song okay let's go back to about Toshiba so they have a standard bar mitzvah package and there are people who like to upgrade it a little so you could add wine the head table or on every table you could add nicer tablecloths centerpieces but that's just about how far maybe some people go besides where the people who really go all out that's you know I would say normal to do um you have to also book reserve the invitations and it's nice when the boys invite their previous rebbies to the bar mitzvah and their previous they only need one invitation to hang up in their class they do not have to hand the invitation to every single boy in their class one is enough to hang it in the class and it's perfect some boys like to hand it to everybody but they don't have to bar mitzvahs are often called for seven or seven thirty but personally most premises I that I attend don't start before 8 805 810 so if you call it for seven the only thing you're gonna have is the vermic boys friends they'll be their seven o'clock sharp for the whole hour of seven to eight you have only the friends if you go over 7 30 you'll have only a half hour of that so you could hold it for 7 30 and you need to make Ventures so these are the things that parents need to plan in advance reserve the whole cater a musician photographer invitations and Ventures if you would like and of course if you would like you could give out a matura a Memento something special uh you know some liquid or kivits or something like this in honor of your son's Bar Mitzvah you can prepare that in advance as well let's continue with the parents preparations so we're actually wrapping it up so we spoke about ordering thrilling we spoke about the thrilling badge we spoke about the Adam jacket the suit choosing the date planning the event now let's after your son turned 12 and he did all those have Sundays and you already planned the event which you could do now now we're already holding two months before Bar Mitzvah and we have the exciting date of his hanafa spilling and let's talk about the film so now is meant to take place exactly two months before your son's bar mitzvah now hanatha's phone is the first time that he actually puts on his phone inshall and davins with them some people there's no Source against or for this I'm just mentioning some people practice the day before at home not for davening just literally practice a little putting it on taking it off so that even though they're going to sell for the first time and doing that it's not completely foreign they already had a little bit of practice I believe it's something you could do it's not something you have to do but diving with it and putting it on the show happens two months before the bar mitzvah the rabbit spoke about deducting the days of yamtiv that fall out on weekdays you don't get two full months so they deduct from the two months and you should add to the beginning so let's get say for example if somebody's Bar Mitzvah would be on yud Thomas so his another song would have to be your ER which is two months before but shulis was on a Tuesday Wednesday there in middle so he lost two days so he shouldn't make is those two days that she was took out from his from his uh from his two months and when does the boy start putting up start making a brother so when he has his enough to fill him he does not make a broth on the villain it's and there are no rules of when to start making a bracha some people make up rules they say two weeks in one month in on Rich Traders those are all uh made up the one clear instruction of when you're supposed to start making a bracha is when the boy is put something well enough he's good at it that he puts it on without any half sick and without any issues and he doesn't need anyone's help and he just puts it on and wraps on regularly like an adult does that means he's good at it he's able to start making a broccoli until then he doesn't for your son that could be a weekend for a Son Your Son it could be six weeks in four weeks in everybody has to determine that on their own there are no rules about when to start making Nebraska the Only Rule is not to do it right away only to start when you're good at it most people make do they are not his phone at 770 or some people buy the oil and when you have that office fill in wherever you dive in some assembly by the oil there's a small celebration that takes place uh you know you pull out a little tablecloth depends how well prepared you come a little garbage bag would also be nice and you put out some juice and some Zionist and he says the first ice of the mimer people wish the hymen that's it sometimes mothers call me and they ask me if mothers need to go to that event the answer is no they don't have to a lot of mothers are excited to go and they're in all the Viber shoes with cameras and you know it's very exciting and you're more than welcome to go but mothers do not have to go to their sons in office villain if you're able to you know enjoy it's beautiful um that takes that's a small celebration that happens in the show he says the first ice of the mimer and then most boys they'll go after davening they'll go to the aisle that morning because it's a special day for them and then they come to Yeshiva they'll celebrate in class for an episode in class it's similar to a birthday you give out like a donut or Danish or a regular and you could bring grape juice for the you could bring a drink the class sings the mimer and he sits in the front by the teacher's desk he says the first ice and they celebrate is enough of school in in class no maska should be brought to Yeshiva if when you were a kid maybe you came with maska and you went around for your teachers we don't allow mass and Yeshiva anymore but you could certainly bring grape juice if you would like um the boys are very excited for their Uncle spilling so you're not only ordering 25 Donuts make sure to order for every cousin neighbor bunk mate soul mate and you need probably 50 donuts and they walk around Yeshiva the island jacket beaming they're giving every donut it's nice I'm not making fun of it I'm just telling you what happens so um be ready for that the nearest Hashem in Yeshiva we give every boy in honorable this little gift without the rubber writes that when you put on the phone you're supposed to have a certain cavana mind and it's printed beautifully on a hard plastic that you can keep in your Towing bag every morning before you put on the phone you can pull it out read it so we give that to the tummy them as a little gift in honor of their spelling and in Yeshiva we give permission for the boys to miss chakras here in Yeshiva for one week so if they're on episodes on a Tuesday that Tuesday through the next Tuesday they don't have to come to chakras and Yeshiva so they can dominate with their father or uncle or someone who's going to dab them with them and help them however your son is more than welcome to come to see you the next day and me or any of the staff that are there are happy to help him and if it doesn't fit with your schedule it's not okay for your son to be late to class for that whole week that it should come 10 o'clock or 11 o'clock because his father down is late because then he misses a week of learning it's not it's not appropriate but if instead of diving in Yeshiva at eight o'clock hold down in another Minion at eight o'clock or earlier and be on time to class that is something that will give permission for one week so the boy can dominate his father and get the help he needs and again we offer help here in Yeshiva as well should be on time for breakfast or class as mentioned class gift so there's a minute that the boys chip in and they give a certain amount of money for each Bar Mitzvah they buy the boy a gift if you do the math essentially every boy is buying himself his own gift but it's still a very nice thing to do so Amal it was done that every Bar Mitzvah another kid was in charge you would have to bring five dollars and collect him it's a very big headache the nicest way to do it is if a class mother usually it could be a father It's usually the mothers that do this volunteer and they you know with electronic payments sell PayPal cash app everybody gives a certain amount of money and then you buy the gifts and at the bar mitzvah the class presents a gift to this boy and keep in mind if you're doing that that you have you know you're buying 25 you have 2500 if let's say you took 100 from everybody so you could negotiate you could go to the store and say listen I'm buying 25 sets and you get yourself a good deal another thing you could do is you don't have to store them all in your house you could go to let's say social service Farm I'm just making that up but any establishment and say listen here's 2500 I won 25 of this particular set and I'll call you every time I need one he wraps it for you or do they grow old or maybe it's whatever to us so it's not such a big deal to do these days with you know class chats this is a good way to use a class chat and um this is easy to collect the money this way now we're holding the actual day of the boys Bar Mitzvah so we had us enough to fill in he has his minor his pillpo he made a c and he knows his 12th procam he put on his enough he had enough spell and he's making a brock already the class gift was bought today is the big day today is his bar mitzvah so let's talk about that so first of all on the day of your bar mitzvah you do say you do say taknum and the rabbit explains in various circus maybe letters as well that you might think oh such a big Sim at the same time that it's such a big it's also a very serious day and a very important day and today the Earth want to use out to say talking properly and start off being a full-fledged member of kaly Israel so we do say tatnam and the river has instructed people that on the day of the bar mitzvah they should go to the oil so it's a minute to go to them it says clearly and same for managan from the fume and hug him that says it says that there should be a gathering for the family that day of the bar mitzvah besides for the celebration or the event the family should have their own little gathering here's the quote it says you gather together the parents of the bar mitzvah boy say a few words in honor of the simchaizer Mercedes here it says clearly that the bar mitzvah boy should say this is a celebration so on the day of the bar mitzvah you could do something like this after chakras you could do it in your house you don't have to do it on a show and you do not need a Minion for this if your bar mitz was that night you do not need a Minion for this if your bar mitz was postponed and you need to have a bite Beyond which we spoke about and this is a great time have a minion so you're doing your baby eye but if you're having the bar mitzvah later that night you had the remitsville last night and today is the morning of his barmitz and you finish chakras you can go to your own dining room table with your own siblings your own family your own children and make a bar mitzvah without a minion it's totally fine let's move on with the bar mitzvah celebration so that was the day of the bar mitzvah now comes the big celebration so the bar mitzvah event is Mitzvah it's not a pizza party it's not a camper Union it's a certain style event there's different style events you can go to an auction you go to school dinner you go to Camp reunion you go to a goodbye party you go to the Smiths Bar Mitzvah is the Smiths where you're celebrating this young boy this young man is now I'm afraid of keeping Carl hattoraku and that's the only way surpass that our bar mitzvah should take place it should be a hasidisha event it's not appropriate to turn the bar mitzvah any to anything other than that the rabbit rights as follows to a letter so let me tell you what the question was the person asked the Reba they um they suggested you know why should we make this moments a celebration let's make a private event in our house you know let's make a small celebration should we celebrate it privately so they're about to answer no you're making a mistake you should celebrate the emergency publicly you should make an event there should be a soda you're celebrating a huge thing your son became a favorite Mitzvah but it has to be in a certain style so let's read this together after the epitolum in the letter that it should not be a private event it should be a public event so now you think the rep is encouraging like you know the biggest dinner in town so the rabbit clarifies move on it's understood my intention is not with what I mentioned to splurge and waste money Ella rather shatia this is a quote what there ever wants a vermits will look like events from those participating they should wish your son your yours yeah plural like your son um so here you have a clear definition from the rabba of what a bar mitzvah should look like it so sudas Mitzvah it should be a celebration it should be similar you should have music and you're not being more has said this if you keep it small in your house and don't invite anybody or if you don't have music or if you're not celebrating that's wrong it's meant to be a public celebration but what style don't waste your money and it should be a tired event and people should come and enjoy um and you know there ever mentions that you're celebrating the fact that your son is becoming a um and that he's now there were many times where people asked the Reba if they should travel they should go on some Heritage trip or go there it's Israel or travel for the bar mitzvah and most of the answers that I saw there's countless answers with the rebel rejects that idea of traveling and where there besides that a local event is preferable I'll pull up one letter over here I have it small it's harder for me to read but the Revis says uh it's in Hebrew I'll read the English the I'll try to translate as I'm reading the rabbit says going to Erich Israel back and forth even if it's only the parents and the bar mitzvah boy is going to cost at least fifteen hundred dollars now I don't know what year this was written but fifteen hundred dollars for three tickets was considered a lot of money so the driver says underlying yes will be a great source that if they will not allow themselves to spend that money is from zala now you should specifically make a local bar mitzvah and people will be able to be mistrative and his friends will be able to come and there will be limited and they'll be able to go to the oil that day if you're here so the river rejects the idea of traveling and totally encourages a bar mitzvah with friends with guests with Taira and a hasidisho event and save your money but spend it on a beautiful nice event there were many times where the rabbit told people not to go on a trip there was even an organization that was making a bar mitzvah for your Simon and they thought they had this great idea they're going to take the assignment on this trip and they're going to tour the whole world and they thought they're doing a beautiful thing these are you Simon The Honorable father let's make them happy on the day of the bar mitzvah never said no way the bar mitzvah is not a time to have a trivia you could do beautiful things for your assignment many other times many other ways and Men there are beautiful organizations that do that but not on their Bar Mitzvah you take them to to on trips so the bar mitzvah celebration like we said it's a sedish event it's a terrific event we're celebrating that he's becoming it's not a goodbye party it's not a reunion and it should be local and on the day of the bar mitzvah the bar mitzvah boy needs to give sadaka that's a clearance now I try looking for a source to have a pushka on every single table I did not find there is there should be a pushka on every single table and that all the people attend the wedding she gives us it seems that Dominic transferred and by every Bar Mitzvah lately you see pushkas as well I'm sure it's stuck as a beautiful thing I have nothing against it but I don't have a source for that that you have to have a pushka on every table at a bar mitzvah however for the bar mitzvah himself to give sadaka there's a source for that and that should that should be done and parents often ask me do I need to hire a counselor a teacher somebody to sit with the class at the bar mitzvah so I'm proud to say that Hashem we speak about it a lot here in Yeshiva and of course we hope that you speak about it at home and 99 of the time the boys really behave beautifully at the bar mitzvahs we talk about it we encourage it we complement them and we really talk about it a lot the teachers myself and the boys for the most part really do a very nice job they're levitic they're involved they sit nicely they do a pretty good job you do not have to hire somebody to sit with them however if you want that you you're more than welcome to sometimes you could call me and those people who want to be tutors are often open to such a job and I can give you the right kind of guy usually it's like someone who was their counselor somebody who knows them somebody who maybe substituted them so that is an option but it's not needed at all if it's a local bar mitzvah here in Crown Heights let's talk about the actual event what is the schedule of the night look for when you're running the bar mitzvah what does it look look like so this is something I think very important that I would like to stress that it's your event you are emceeing the event unless you get somebody to do it a brother-in-law nephew a son you're them seeing the event and you are running the event there is no party planner there's nobody else making the event happen I've gone to bar mitzvahs that were dragged you come there nobody's just walking around and walking around and walking around you see the little vegetables on the plate and no movement and the only reason why the bar Mitzi didn't start is because the bar Mitzi boy's father he's not a an event planner he has some kind of day job that he has no shy because to running events and nobody like like press play on this event nobody like said Brooklyn please take your seats music call the caterer dessert so just like it's nine o'clock at night and you're doing nothing for no reason at all so it's very important for you to realize as the host it's your event have a schedule and you need if you don't want to be burdened with it it's very easy to type up a schedule and give it to your sister brother-in-law nephew somebody to just oversee the musician and the lead waiter the to keep the event moving and here I'm seeing this event and you're inviting everybody and making the event happen the best thing you could do is to ask family to come on time because people and credits come late barafa Sanders every single night then they don't take each apartment so that seriously and you don't want to start when it's empty but what you could do is not on the groups private message you text your brothers your sisters your parents we want to start a time please be there by 8 o'clock the latest and we really want to start pictures or whatever time and like this you have your family there that's all you need and you start the event and the guests will come whenever they come if if it allows like in the winter you start the event before you sit down to the meal you dive in my rib and the bar mitzvah starts over the MC opening up the event the first thing you do is you read the driver's letter now of course if you have the rabbit's letter written to the bar mitzvah boy's father or to the bar mitziboy zaidi or a relative you have a real letter that they're up a road it's not just a copy from a safer or not just from a phone um it's much nicer and it's more special if you're able to arrange that after the rep is letter some people add in the rubbish Capital often they'll honor like the younger brother to either of his Capitol if you do that please have him practice there was Capitol so he doesn't have to make mistakes in public then after the MC opens the event and you do the Reps letter and you do the capitol you start the mimer you have to do the mimer Negan do the mimer the mimer like the words e sub a mattress tell them the latest it should start is 8 15. and as the members done properly we're already holding 8 30 by the time the mime is over so if you're rewind we're talking about opening the event at approximately eight o'clock the latest you say brother my volume or whatever Dempsey is welcome they wrap his letter there was Capitol the mymernigan and you start the mimer by 8 15 the latest then goes the first dance the first dance should be around 15 to 20 minutes and you can ask the caterer that's what I suggest is that you ask the caterer during the first dance is when they you know clear up whatever the appetizer was or if there was soup which they served before they cleared that up as well in the hand though we made the schedule a little clearer then it's up here and um during the dancing they should already put the main course by the kids table so when the kids are done dancing they sit down they already have their male and adults sit down the waiters go around they serve them and maybe there's a choice and they could take care of that let's say 10 minutes in 15 minutes in people relax you finish the dance main course is being served most people have it now is when you do the formal part of the bar mitzvah when all the speeches take place father should speak it's appropriate for the father to speak of zadie speaks the boy makes his see him if he has to see on me now he says it's philippel now he says the speech that's when all this takes place then you could um as the main courses you know they finished serving everybody the main course they could already come give dessert to the to the class table they're they're looking forward to the district so give it to them okay the father makes a speech now often at apartment so there's a second dance so lately a lot of mermaid says do this a lot of weddings do this I think it's a nice thing to do before you do the second dance you kind of bench and because nobody's staying for the whole second Lance for now another 45 minutes and then sitting back down people forget to bench the original people are watched already leaving so a nice thing to do is after you have the opening event and you did the Nightmare and you did the first dance and you did the main course you did the pulp on the speeches and everything now it's nice if you bench you know you do the benching and then you serve dessert let's say buffet style and you have a second dance and you could dance you know till 10 o'clock so then you do the second dance again I think is better if it's done before the second then but either way it's fine and we would like that the classmates to leave by 10 o'clock and no I do not enforce that there's no way that I'm going to be at a bar mitzvah and even if I was there I'm not chasing boys out of the bar mitzvah at 10 o'clock at night my day job is keeps me busy enough however I do think that it is ridiculous the boys should stay at a bar Mitzi past 10 o'clock for a lot of reasons there's no need for it and it's not safe literally between 10 o'clock and 11 o'clock walking the streets of Crown Heights the level of safety decreases like 10 o'clock there's still a lot of people stores are still open 11 o'clock it's a different world and it's mind-boggling to me that parents who I sometimes speak to and they're very concerned about something here in school and you know the slightest safety issue which we try to think very seriously and I'm not mocking anyone and we try really to take it seriously and then all of a sudden like 11 39 the son is walking home alone and I can't understand it I was never able to wrap my head around it additionally your son it will not only be attending 25 bar mitzvahs every boy who's turning 13 has a lot of friends that are 13 from Ali Taylor from the other schools and everybody's hyping they go to the references of their whole class and they go to the remittance of the class that they used to be part of because they want to switch classes and they're living let's say Crown condos that have all their neighbors and they go to this particular class show so they have this and then they have their bunk mate and then they have their cousins and before you know it the average boy in seventh grade Bali guzma is going to 45 or 50 bar mitzvahs so if your son is going to go to sleep 12 o'clock at night 50 times a year your killing is here you're not giving them a chance to thrive to sleep to be healthy to come to Yeshiva wake with a proper head ready to learn you're just really not affording that opportunity even if you go on my 10 o'clock at night it's late but it's much more manageable so I think that the parents together should all insist that their children come home the bar mitzvahs should end at 10 and depending how far you live from Shiva you say I want you home by 1005 if you live down the luck if you live further you say I want you home by 10 15. and this is something that the parents could do together and you could utilize the class checks because your children are very good at making you feel like the odd one out and you're the meanest you're the worst parent you're the only nerd who makes me come home on time all my friends could stay the 12 and their mothers don't even tell them anything and all their kids are telling that to their mothers but really if you all got together and you all insisted that the ends at 10 and you come home it's way more responsible for the walking and for the safety and even then they should only walk in groups and and they could lead a normal life that you're otherwise is just a year to waste with so many late nights so that's something that we leave up to the parents to enforce and Yeshiva does start on time the next day after verminster again if we run out of town Yeshiva there was four classmates we would maybe take up a whole day of Yeshiva for boys Bar Mitzvah would go and come and celebrate but there's there's 50 romance was here 40 50. I'm not exaggerating that your son will be attending so we can't afford that every time we start late and then early in common just we Yeshiva has to operate we do start on time the next day we make exceptions in an extreme case for example recently we had three burmesis in a row for a class so after the third one we let them start an hour and a half late or if like this is a bar mitzvah Shabbos and it's in Staten Island so there's no way they're coming home on time we'll make an exception there's sometimes we make an exception otherwise Yeshiva always starts sometime the next day and when we expect to tell me them to be there if you live out of Crown Heights we have about 15 to 20 of Our tomato are not from Crown Heights they live in ships a day and they live in Brighton Beach and Staten Island and Westchester and Long Island and all around New York city so if you live out of karnite so it's your responsibility to please hire Safe Transportation you know a normal driver with a license and proper insured bus to do that properly and also you have to hire somebody here you need a chaperone you need a buck or an adult somebody gonna be on the bus with the boys and it's your responsibility to communicate those details to the class some way through your son or through a chat through the school that where the bus is leaving from when it's coming back a link to follow it to the parents could come meet the kid you have to be you have to communicate people can be I don't know where's my son he's in Staten Island I have no idea where he is now it's not right to the parents and to the middle and there are like I said 15 on average in each grade are not boys from Granite so this this does happen these are your options you can make a permit so you can make a Friday night meal you can make a sharpest Day meal you can make it on lots of shoppies or you can make it on Sunday but if you make it on Sunday just remember to do the bye bye on Shabbos if you have a bar mitzvah during svira you could some people like to postpone it because they want only real music so they push it up to like buy America after Spruce however you could do it during Spira but I strongly recommend that you do hire like a choir or a singer because it's a Make It or Break It If you go to Sphero Bar Mitzvah there's no music and there's nobody even on the mic that you don't really get dancing and it's just a shame for the bar Mitzi boy but if you even have one guy on the mic and he's singing along you get acquired you invest a little bit in it it makes a huge difference somehow there seems to be a hectare that they're allowed to come with one beat so you have a lot of these singers they come with not a whole music but it's like a beat going and it gives like a little Mitzvah I guess that's a lot that I see everybody doing it but I I don't know I never asked the rub um I asked the singer a guy once he said yeah the Rob lets me so that's that's the the extent of my soul Source but it's certainly encouraged that you have a singer so there's some dancing and something going on at that bar mitzvah if you have a bar mitzvah in the summer this is also a very common question so first of all remember to do it by Young if you're not taking your son out of Camp travel to Camp make sure you have a minion usually by that point he is all bunk his mermaids already Summer's ready later so you do it by yay and then when to do the celebration you could do it in Camp some people do it only in Camp you could pull them out of camp or do it somewhere in the Catskills if that's where your son's in Camp you could bring him into the city for the day and send them back to Camp you have all these options if you want to do Bar Mitzvah on that evening as usual or you could of course do the bar mitzvah after Camp you cannot do it before Camp if you do the bar mitzvah after Camp then you're not locked on a certain date please don't choose the first day of school or the second day of school there's no Mitzvah that the boys have to have a permits on the first the night before you shoot a star to the first day of school when we really want them to settle in get used to bedtime and you know get ready for a new year so if your son's garments is the first day of school you don't have a choice but if your son's then summer you could do it like a week after school started you don't have to do it the day that school began now another option for governments in the summer that we offer to parents is fill in like we described as a simple event happens in the classroom the class doesn't go to 770 no family doesn't come to the class he does enough he does not one leader in the class and it's very simple for boys who are having a permits from the summer and their friends won't be there because they're doing it in the city and their friends are not coming in the camps are not letting the friends come or their friends are in camps that are far away we offer the parents that on the day of your sons fill in you can make a nice enhanced sanat for your son's class you could do like a lunch in your house and the review will come with the whole class you could even have music you could even have a photographer you can serve a place like 12 to 1 one day the class will come they'll sit there an hour hour and a half so your son gets an enhanced enough to fill in you can do breakfast as well and then on the Davis Mermaid so he knows that he already celebrated with his friends otherwise we don't do that type of film but it's an option for a summer bar mitzvah now these are the bar mitzvah guidelines from Alita that we're asking all the parents to please um follow these guidelines and partner with us in maintaining this responsibility that we all have to each other of having responsible events safe events hasidish events and because we are alitara adhere to the highest standards and even if that's not your personal standard to realize you're in a community and you're in a school community and you're we're all responsible to each other so these are the bar mitzvah guidelines first of all please explain the value of bar mitzvah to your son she understands what you're celebrating that night that sometimes changes the whole perspective like how we started off tonight's event it should be a facility atmosphere it should feel like or very Jewish music no DJs now the reason why we don't allow DJs so if you don't know what a DJ is that's totally fine if you do know most of you probably do know what a DJ is and the reason why I say no DJs is technically the DJ put on for you and it could be the most considered people and technically I know the one-man band could play the the worst songs that are not appropriate for a bar mitzvah here and they're having school enough for all these however the nature of a DJ is to play the latest rock and roll latest hit songs uh inappropriate songs and he has every single song in the world Jewish non-jewish at his fingertips he's under pressure from people in the crowd to do it they also have like Sound Beats and tracks and different effects that they mix in uh which is part of why they get paid more than a one-man band is because they have this equipment and this expertise and the nature of a DJ is to turn the bar mitzvah into a disco for lack of a better word to turn it into inappropriate events therefore it is only terrorist policy but we do not allow DJs at bar mitzvahs and baraf Hashem this year that rule has been kept by all the parents of the seventh grade and we are very grateful for that we're grateful that that's what our students the types of events that they are attending um it's your responsibility because it's your event I had to deal with this like maybe twice but I had to deal with it that there should be no alcohol whole ending up on the classmates table no sweet wine or dry wine no hard alcohol does not belong anywhere near the classmates and if you're having extra mosque and wine floating around your hall please make sure that it does not end up by the children it's on your responsibility on your watch that that's happening and there's nothing needed at the bar mitzvah to make the bar mitzvah boys wild or silly and I'm not coming out from a modern hasidish perspective I'm telling you simply to have a nice bar mitzvah I go to so many bar mitzvahs I go to over 100 romitzes a year I try my best to make it to each one the normal bar mitzvahs are beautiful the minute you bring out the bracelets and the necklaces and the sunglasses and the light up stuff the kids get wild they get silly they start try to wearing three of them two of them backwards and they they don't focus on Dancing they don't dance with the bar mitzvah boy and it just ruins the event I'm not talking from a hasidish perspective now talking simply from having a beautiful Bar Mitzvah they need nothing the boys have the energy they have the highest they have enough stick they make pyramids they make helicopters they spin they they fly they have all the excite they have everything without any props they don't need any props from you we're asking that you don't have confetti party hats light ups bracelets necklaces glasses some of these things are even inappropriate for the boys to where someone is just simply silly simply silly with always been they dance beautifully on their own and neither is there a need to hire a motivator out of Crown Heights Bar Mitzvah it's like part of what you have to do is you have to hire like this motivator and that comes like in a suspenders and yellow pants and he teaches the boys dance moves from the latest Yeshiva Boys Choir or something our kids don't need that they know how to dance they're good at it they don't need anybody to motivate them I've seen bar mitzi's parents board are motivated the kids looked at this guy like what are you doing here either they were uncomfortable the dance moves he was trying to get them to do or they they felt that the guy was weird and they just didn't connect it's not needed our boys do a great job of dancing without that and safety so there used to be we stopped it we talked about it and it's important that they put the boy in this tablecloth and they flip the boy up in the air and he literally lands back in the table that's inches from the floor and there's been injuries and it's very dangerous so you need to be careful all dancing you need to be careful but I'm not saying you shouldn't dance injuries will happen over the years we've had injuries we once had even from jump rope and I'm not saying you shouldn't do jump rope but the boys like to take on the napkins tie them together make a jump rope we had a bar Mitzi boy who was on the smaller side and he was boys who were doing the jump rope were doing it rather forcefully and the remicable you know eventually you trip up right you missed the jump rope and they they when they did it it picked the bar mitzvah up in the air and he flew in the air landed on his head and went to nutsella and that was the end of his bar mitzvah it's very sad every time I think about it happened like three years ago so you need to make sure that even if they're dancing lever they can everything keep an eye that it's being done in a proper way and any of the stick that they're doing is fun and exciting nothing that's considered dangerous again I don't think we should Outlaw the jump rope but just something to keep in mind the tablecloth thing should certainly be banned and not allowed at all if you see the classmates bring a table to hold the boy in the table some adults got to be there as well because they could easily drop it so you have to just you got to keep an eye on the safety of your son if it's his bar mitzvah and of the classmates and everybody else who's there um please don't send your kids with a smartphone to the bar mitzvah first of all it's not fear to the other parents who are trying to protect their children from being on smartphones so one boy comes to their permits with a smartphone most of the holes in Paradise have open wi-fi and the rest is history plus even if it's locked then you took it to tag and it has all the filters in the world even if it has just the camera turns into such a distraction because they take videos of the first dance and they sit the whole meal during the speeches watching the videos editing the videos or they're playing a game and you can see it in a second you walk into permit so you see like six kids hovering over one boy you know there's a smartphone there and the ruins the event now of course as parents I'm a parent myself you want to be in touch with your older children when they're out of the house you can get those flip phones or dumb phones you should have one in your house and I I call it the kids phone and if any of my children leave the house I give it to them there's no internet on it there's no I don't need a filter and it has only call and text and you should get one before next year for your 13 year old son if you want to be in touch with him if you're picking him up you want to talk to them on his way home it's a good thing to have a regular phone but the smartphones even the locked ones even the ones service without a sin with every filter in the world still managed to be a huge distraction and perhaps even inappropriate at the bar mitzvah and make sure that the children walk home in groups these are the Ali terrible Mitzvah guidelines we're almost done like two three more slides so parents are the same letters as partners and you're our partners we're your partners together we strive to raise and please work together with us and this is the Yeshiva that you chose your son chose to send your son to partner with us and following these guidelines these are not my guidelines these are we started off the event whoever was here on time you saw the importance and the specialty of the day the market is it's such a special day it has to be celebrated in the proper way now after his bar mitzvah your son gets his first Aliyah so first of all practice the broadcast with your son in advance says bar who that he repeats Baruch a lot of kids don't know that and which brought her to say when you say when you say I was once had a boy got his first um Aliyah and he said the whole crowd repeats Baruch and he didn't know that so he thought the crowd was correcting him because he said bark on he said barf so he says I know I know he felt like uh that they were making a mistake so teach your son what he's going to say what the crowd's gonna say when he's meant to respond practice the rocks in advance and it is our minute that the first Aliyah takes place the first possible time it saw the bar mitzvah is he has to get an Aliyah there's a list of there's like a yard side a bar mitzvah boy a list of who's the heel Bar Mitzvah is high up on the list if not the highest I'm not sure but he's high up there and he has to get his first Aliyah possible either on a Monday or Thursday or Shabbos this morning now if you have if your son's bar mitz is on a Tuesday like today and let's see what we rescrib so should you get an Aliyah then or should you wait till Monday Thursday depending on different situations I can't answer each one I don't know the answer to each one but there are some sources out there the glioness Castro's once had something about it so if your son's Bar Mitzvah is like this and you're not sure if you should get Alia Monday Thursday or on a Shabbos or should you get a midweek please look into it yourself ask a Rob find out but otherwise the standard is Monday Thursday now it's very important to reserve your Lee in advance most people want their sons personally to be in a special place either 770 downstairs to rep is room by the oil now keep in mind we spoke that there's 140 boys in the grade So you you're competing with the rest of the grade and it's not like the bar mitzvah we're only for remiss is the same day on Monday anybody who had their permits for Sunday or Monday gets their earlier and on Thursday anybody who had the permit so Tuesday Wednesday Thursday gets the Leo and it's not only your son's class it's your son's class and it's all the classmates of Volterra and it's the other boys from all the other schools and guess what it's the whole world there's plenty of people who fly in for their first Aaliyah from Israel Australia California so there's hundreds of bar Mitzi boys getting their first Aliyah they'll want to meet some 70 downstairs rub his room at the aisle and if you they come from Israel they book tickets they rent a place to stay and they have their tickets they've all worked out they Reserve their Leo you're like okay and then you call the guy by a month before he's like you're crazy this date was booked 11 months ago already so I don't know how far in advance they book it but wherever you want to your son's first Aaliyah V reserve it same thing by the way if you want to make a Kiddush in your soul reserved with agave Natural Market in this calendar that your late son's Landing that week see your kid this we had a story not too long ago where two people booked the kid this the same week it caused politics which wasn't mine but I got pulled into it you know to try to help it's unfortunate just be clear do things in advance and then everything will you'll avoid a lot about this Memphis if you want to have an Alia downstairs you have to reserve it by Ruby Iceberg craft that's his number I hope it's in the handout if not we're sharing the slides if you want to do in the rep is room you have to get it by Robbie mayor harlig and those are his numbers and if you want to do by the oil I'm not sure how to go about that and the father of the bar mitzvah boy makes Abraham tarani by the by the first Aliyah he makes the branch of trani but he does not say armanik is not to say uh so he says he doesn't say no he doesn't say hashem's name so and he doesn't say malify them either please so the father makes the Baruch I'd like to conclude tonight's event by wishing everybody with the rabbit wishes every Bar Mitzvah none of the bar mitzvah that they should be safe yes to you the truest is on your way out we have Raffles to make on your way out um remember that we have this for everybody as a chura and Anna Rubina afton's yard site tonight it's the first edition if you see any mistakes please let them know this is a special print that we have made yesterday for us nobody has this you're the first ones to have your eyes on this and it was sponsored by the Hixson family so you could get this on your way out additionally we want to thank Prestige embroidery for offering us a free filling bag someone here in the room is going to win right now 600 towards the thrilling bag and Billy Simo hats for offering two hats so we're gonna make two Raffles and a hat and a cipher offers uh 400 towards fill in 200 towards Rashi 200 towards are being attacked three hundred dollars um for off your sons villain um I will share with you by email WhatsApp that Google form for your son's date please fill out that Google form and thank you for joining tonight here goes the raffle okay so the first raffle is going to be on the most expensive item and then your name gets pulled out and our first winner I'm not writing it down so if you win please don't be shy please be in touch with me tomorrow I'll put you in touch with the establishment and you'll have to get your prize uh the first winner is as follows I just mixed it last year we had two father no other wins it could happen again here we go four Prestige embroidery no yep four Prestige embroidery the mother of elio mani and yazov is the winner of the free show [Applause] I think you have to get two throwing bags for the twin so I'm happy you got one for free all right our next raffle is two hats of Bellissimo hats so the first hats will go to I'm mixing it try to get some of him on time maybe not let's see all right um Bellissimo Hat's first winner is the father of David Cameron foreign the winner is the mother of Maisha Friedman there's a lot of Friedman so I'll say her name Mrs rifky Friedman let's move on to our next raffle for 400 towards a cipher the winner is again please be in touch with me because I'm not writing it down but I want to make sure that you get your prize the winner is the father of Levy government foreign and for our last prize from Afghanistan the winner for three hundred dollars a muffins time on Kingston Avenue is let's give it one more mix pull one out from The Middle all right here we go and the winner is the father of Menachem Lieberman thank you very much for joining please take this on your way out what time