The Soul of a Soldier

[Music] Shalom Alim am Israel and good people of the world my name is Judah Michelle and I have the extraordinary privilege and pleasure of participating in this year's amudim program uh and to introduce the great light to the world to the nation uh my brother and yours Ary ston coming to you live from some undisclosed location in a hve what's going on Ary I'm good I'm good let's call it outside of Gaza we could call it right around Gaza right now okay so I'm also outside of Gaza but and so is everybody everybody here everybody who's watching this is right now outside of Gaza you're a little bit more outside of Gaza than maybe the rest of us right or a little bit less I just before anything Ares blessed is the one who has Sanctified God's name in public for the masses what a great privilege it is to be here together with you what a what what what a moment in history it is for all of am Israel and and for you and what a message you're carrying well I really appreciate it it's uh it's been a been a crazy month and a half for everybody and we're just going through all this all this together you know yeah I mean uh first of all I'm grateful to amudim aadim works very hard uh to help all of us to strengthen and provide services Mental Health Services and all sorts of support for for for really anybody uh anybody in need and uh during these days these have been this has been I mean I don't know when this is going to be airing but right now we're holding day number 40 something since T and this has been a tremendous strain on on everyone um I'd say maybe maybe most of all those who are on the front lines and that's you Ary and somehow throughout it all you've managed to to share a message of positivity and strength of optimism and of faith for so many where are you drawing from I mean where you where how you pulling how you pulling such kizic for all of us so it's not going to be an answer anybody's anybody's gonna get anything from but I'm just trying to stay myself and that's the truth is I'm just trying to be me and um if if what I can give to Amell is is a smile and a little positivity and that's what I'm gonna offer and that's that's kind of who I am I'm not trying to be anybody that I'm not um I'm not trying to uh to change anything but Amell needs a little bit more Smiles right now and am needs some more Sim and positivity and so if that's something that I can give and people need that then I'm I'm so happy to be able to to be hashem's messenger amazing that's where are you exactly like not exactly in your location but what what what role are you where what role are you and and where are you exactly in sahal right now okay so um we are right now I'm in a Hummer that's exactly where I am right now H you can see the little steering wheel right here um so we are part of a unit that is for those who have heard of the organization zaka where zaka Behind Enemy line so I'll explain that to anybody who's never heard of it basically with the body collection team and the first thing that happens when God forbid either a soldier or a group of soldiers something happens to them that's devastating that's terrible and they're killed everything kind of stops and we are the next ones to have to come in Under Fire Behind Enemy Lines and make sure that every soldier that went out to war comes back and is able to be buried and sometimes that means um bringing back full soldiers and unfortunately it sometimes means searching for the the parts so it's yeah it's an intense role we all of us understand the amazing andah it is to be able to do it and none of us want to do it right Absolut Absolut so I mean in your civilian life uh you're uh I mean I've been following you online um you're you're a person who's engaged in I don't know how else to say other than like a real Tik Hamin um a real fixing of of of debat of that negative speech that the maragam had with a lack of confidence to just see negative and say negative about the land of Israel um as a tour guide you guys could check out the Israel with Ary um that's his handle it's it's phenomenal it's inspiring it's positive it's beautiful um H how do you make that switch from being someone who is showing others the beauty of the land of Israel the light of of of the beauty of the land of Israel and and spending time with with families and and and with groups to transitioning like on a dime T going from a place of incredible light to a place that uh seems to be a place of incredible darkness and heaviness um it's not easy it's definitely not easy I would say that the best thing that I can do is just kind of like what we were talking about before continue what I was doing back then which was keeping positive and and having what I do basically on my tours is that we have a lot of fun and we bring the joy into erel and we I'm I'm very um focused on making everything kid-friendly and having it be amazing for families and interactive so I'm as strange as that is I'm bringing that sort of positive attitude from tour guiding to the efforts in the war which is is showing everybody that uh that there's that we can't just be sitting at home and and scrolling and crying and trying to bring out that that positivity so that's that's obviously what I'm trying to bring from my past life into this but the transition was hard you know uh just like a lot of people here in Israel we were in the middle of a cuff and I'm sitting there and and they made an announcement the nearest bomb shelter is right down the street I'm thinking to myself like I live in tcoa if you look at T Co on a map it's nowhere near any it's not near Gaza it's not near Syria or Lebanon and it's like why would they be saying that that's such a strange thing to say and then um obviously the rumors start flying around and I go outside and you start hearing about a terrorist attack I remember thinking to myself like wow it must be terrible maybe you know 20 30 people must have been killed that that's awful that's horrendous and obviously nobody could have ever fathom you know what what was actually going on at the time and that's when I ran home and I knew I was a I'm a I'm a civilian but I also know that in Wartime I can get called up so I run home turn on my phone you know on I'm turning on my phone just in case I get a call from the Army my in-laws were there from the states and I told them like listen I remember saying the most interesting thing I came home and I said to my my wife and my kids and my and my in-law I said something has happened in Israel that is the biggest thing since the Yom Kipper War I don't even know why I said that I don't even know what made me say that we didn't know anything at the time but just the feeling and just everything around the rumors made it super real and um so I grab my phone I'm in sh and I didn't actually expect to get the call because we only get called up when things are really bad you know when soldiers are are deep and and something terrible happens and we have to go in we don't generally deal with civilians we don't generally deal with the terrorist attacks that's Zak's job but um but I got the call in the middle of the day and say goodbye to my kids goodbye to my family not knowing what it be a day a month a year I had no idea and I honestly we still don't know and thank God I've been able to get home so you say goodbye to the kids you say goodbye to your wife and there's a balance between you want them to be calm and not over nervous and on the other hand you're saying goodbye and you're going off to war and you don't know you know how how big of a deal should you make this right and then when you get called up you go into you go into Army mode very quickly you know go into Army mode and you start getting your equipment and then your mindset already changes and by the first night of sim Shabbat night simor Saturday night simor we were already inara in the areas of the massacres and um loading up and taking care of bodies already on the first night so like you said one minute we're we're dancing Sim the the other minute we're we're dealing with the massacres and in a way that's Israel there's just a roller coaster the highs are high and the lows are low and it's it's a roller coaster what what I've heard from from from friends and from family who are in service who are who are in service or in the Army who are in the middle of battle who are in the middle of doing their tough key doing their job locked in is that the the the sense of mission and purpose and Clarity is there and the camaraderie and um and uh and and what they often say is that you know from what they hear back home and we're experiencing it from What's called the ORF you know from the back end is that um the morale is often I mean counterintuitively even stronger at the front than it is in the back because there's a sense of knowing what you have to do and knowing where you have to be and um and the wife and kids or the parents or the friends were left in the back back there wondering is he okay has he slept is he safe um how's he feeling like you know are they are they eating um are they In Harm's Way and um and that fear that anxiety that uncertainty um is something that uh is really challenging we're they tell we're supposed to be supposed to project the sense of of strength and uh anden of resilience um but what's extraordinary is is that when we're watching you and listening to you and I I I I I know I speak on behalf of of quite a few who are here in the civilian sector um and and I I would even say that people who are watching around the world are wondering we're sitting here Doom scrolling we're sitting here you know Zing to Hill him and scratching our heads and maybe cursing under our breaths and and and and walking around feeling helpless and sometimes feeling hopeless and and then we look and we see AR St he's collecting bodies he's doing with a smile and with a and with a song on his lips talking everybody to beab and to bring the ru where you drawing from he said that that's what you need I understand that but what what are you double clicking on what what are you dosing where are you what well are you drinking from for this type of faith and optimism that us who are who are we're we're with you trying to be supportive of you sometimes feel so exhausted and the kicks in and when's he coming home when are we going to hear from him what's happening what's GNA be H how do we how where are you drawing it from and how could we attach ourselves to it oh wow it's such a good question there's so many levels so many levels to this and I think uh first of all that connection between what's going on in the orth in the home front and what's going on in the front lines they're totally intertwined and I'll be the first one to tell you it is harder for you guys than it is for us and I think you're you tapped into that really well like you guys are the ones sitting there worried scrolling having these difficulties of what's going on with us how are we doing and and all those worries and in the end of the day we are are busy we're working we're doing what we need to do and it's we're focused and we're motivated and we feel the feelings from um we we feel the feelings from what's going on in the home front and it's all intertwined with how we're feeling so I think as much as people like it's so strange that people from the home front are getting are getting strength from the soldiers and not the opposite right you would think it'd be the opposite right the people from the home front are giving I think that it's both and I think that it's supposed to be both right you're giving us Co with your barbecues and your I mean for those of you who are listening and don't know what's going on in Israel for the last month and a half we call our underwear in the Army it's like you wear it and you throw it out because we just get so many donations of clothes and of food and people coming here and barbecuing and when you come back from a mission you can assume that you're going to stop on the side of the road for a mass barbecue that random strangers are just sending to you and I haven't paid for food in so long and I'm barely eating Army Food like the the strength that I'm getting from you guys that we're all getting from you guys is so powerful and the strength that we're that you're getting from us is so powerful and I think that that's as strange as that is that's how it's supposed to be you know what I mean that's that's normal so if you're asking me on a personal level where am I getting where's the well that I'm drinking from I'm gonna tell you my parents I'm gonna tell you my grandparents I'm gonna tell you the family that I grew up in the staman family shout out to all the stamans listening a a family that has just showed love and support through every step of the way no matter how much I've changed throughout my years and all the bumps in the road I grew up as a ADHD kid trying to fit in in a in a yeshivish world where sitting and learning all day is expected of you and that didn't always go perfectly you know what I mean but I was always encouraged take your strengths take that ADHD and channel it to something that you can just drive in so I know your parents I know your parents I know you're saying and I know you're saying something real your father your dad and I thir uh uh exactly a decade ago exactly a decade ago uh in in 2013 worked on a project together and um and um he did and and and with your mom with KH they did the beautiful design I translated rook's sh rook's Anthem the the Eternal faith that that exists in the heart of of of Amel to return to um and um and to rebuild and uh and your parents like they they they did all the design for it I know your father's a BAL managing so I I know that it's in your blood too to to bring the ru and bring the song and you're right I mean what do we what can we do other than you know the the the faith and the and um and uh and the not just the faith but the the pathways of our of our father which is um which isuna and joy but I'll tell you AR I'll tell you sometimes I watch your stuff and I and it's hard because you make it look easy and uh no I'm being serious if I could say a real word if I could say real word you know everybody every Jew in the world is their heart is open right now to to erel and um and we want to have your back and um and sometimes it's exhausting and sometimes it's it's just you feel like so far and so helpless and yeah you're sending underwear and beefing up our boys and and doing Billboards and and and sending cigarettes and sit to the front lines and all the good things but I'll tell you real I'll tell you a real word a year ago I was a I was a spectator the last half a year thank God our two older daughters got married two incredibly wonderful Bor young men great guys um our daughter to's husband Aron they got married their their plan was to be in K bavna this year the beautiful guy and uh and he's in janin for the past you know month and a half or so and um and she moved back in over here you know right after our other daughter aakar got got married right in between y Kipper and suus and two days after CH ended was that next morning Wasim t two days after CH her husband who is a gem the most beautiful guy vyon split was right in the middle of hos um and he's a kin yahalom and uh yeah I get a lot of cover from These Guys these days I'll tell you I went from being like I went from being like a absolute loser to like you know likea oh he's a neist inati I didn't realize you know I'm like yeah yeah yeah all a all of a sudden right all of a sudden like you know and um and I'll tell you and and I yell it literally two days after sh's been here and we it's two weeks at a time that he's in Gaza and he just don't we don't hear from him and um I have no idea what to do and I have no idea what to say and I have no idea how to create a supportive and stable optimistic faithful space here um when you know there's you know maybe politics and and and the cynicism and the the the Fear Factor and the geopolitics and and all of you know it's it's m and it confuses and it distracts and uh I'm wondering I'm I'm just asking you you know Dad to Dad here like what like what what like what can I say like what what is there what can I like what can I do for them you know and there's always so many times could say hey you want to order sushi or like may maybe go to Pilates or like hey you want to learn oros with me or like you know um I'm looking for a nugget here hold on to it's it's so tough and um I can tell you from my perspective knowing that my wife and children are are taken care of and are doing well is the number one thing on my head and we were talking about before things that give me qu the to be positive to know that my wife is is doing good even though she's got a five three and one year old at home by herself for a month and a half and who knows how much longer right is is the most important thing for me straight up it's it's more important than how dangerous my mission is or or what am I doing tomorrow or how much sleep I'm getting like that's where my heads at um are are they okay you know and and I'm sure that your your unbelievable son-in-laws that's where their heads at so you have to think to yourself okay what does my son in sayat givati need most right now what does my son in Yom need most right now he needs a strong father-in-law he knows he needs to blow he needs to blow up those tunnels dude he knows he needs toate those tunnels and get home no no you're right you're right but what is the the most you after it blows up those tunnels is to know that everything back at home is in good hands and that's and that's really up to you and so advice that I was given from a mental health expert talking about amod mental health expert about the seriousness of what I do and making sure that I'm staying sane through all of this and we can go into that a little bit later because that's a whole another topic is um and you kind of mentioned it before the Pilates and the learning you have to continue whatever was going on pre-war as much as you can during the war so if every single day you woke up and your daughter would wake up at seven and and Davin at 7:00 she's not waking up at 8 because her husband's at War do you know what I mean like she's still waking up at 7 and Doin if every single morning she would go exercise or go for a run let that's she needs to be doing that and that she gr and you too that shra as they say in Hebrew that daily routine is so hard because it's the last thing we want to do and it's so important um so wait so you think that that me eating bomba between 2 and 4 a.m. cursing under my breath at the government like is that not helpful to you you're saying that that's not wind in your sales I feel like that's that's an important contribution I'm making you know I leave my phone on during doing in case go calls for my opinion like I'm I'm trying to be present I'm I'm trying to be here for you guys you know exactly if it was buly it' be something else but no not the bomo that going well at the home front and everything is normal even if they don't know it just the fact that it's true is is help yeah no pressure I'm also I'm also near Gaza exctly here yeah I have to tell you AR I have to tell you you're a ray of light you are a ray of light everything and I imagine and I mean this now I'm not looking to blow smoke here but I have to tell you um I have to tell you when I when when I think about um aspirationally what we can be as a people and I think about you know where we're headed um I draw a lot of and a lot of inspiration from our soldiers from the and I see like in the words of kanat that we are literally writing a new peric tanak and um and the Warriors of King David who are poets and who are singers who are lovers and who are fighters who are warriors with faith and with with light in their eyes like you um are are are are doing a lot to lead us toward the light and um I just I want to say thank you want to say thank you on behalf of all of us really thank you response to that is I'm going to come back from this war with two things being inflated my belly and my ego go I I mean me me too but I'm not I meaning me too but I'm not mean and it's worse I'm walking around getting covered for my for my my sons-in-law exactly there um there was a very a very a neighbor of ours in the community um a friend in the community um the early family um son Benyamin mayor Haso gave his life um this past shabas and um and um at the levia after his after his dad spoke um who's a neighbor here in the community um the different family members and and actually some of some of B's Rim spoke and one of his rash fromat yakovich spoke fromat and he is a very Lea person very sensitive and and beautiful elevated person um and we sang together in the pouring rain and the freezing cold of har Herzel and we sang for the sake of my brothers and friends for the sake of of of B elu for God's house for the B mikdash and he said that binam you're all about lman L man you know for the sake of doing for others doing for a cause doing for an ideal um and then he pointed out something which I think is relevant to our conversation here said that um was extraordinary he just heard a hpid from binyamin's Dad in English he's an Englishman and he said it was a h that he didn't understand one word this rash from he said right understand one word he said but then but I understood that bamin grew up in a home where they spoke English in the house a western family an Anglo family and Benyamin is was such a fiery lover of er Israel he said he lived and spoke with such ER is that was the term he used such ER he was working every day off he had from from the Army he was running to go work on the farm the last thing he told his friends was you know take care of my Vine the person who who who was crazy for the land of Israel You're the son of and um and my daughters are the are the children of grandson of of we had three make Aliah in about a year and a half of each other my grandfather was 88 years old when he got on a plane and say and and he remembers saying goodbye to his grandparents in Pennsylvania in to the British Mandate of Palestine in the 1920s who said goodbye to their kids and grandkids got on a boat to go to to to go to Israel so we say that Aliyah and Isel is in our blood so so that's what I wanted I want I want to just ask you this is an important question because yes as we're talking about again amim is our host here today and and I'm grateful to them for for making this with us here um there's something about the Von describes the the State of Affairs of a Jew living in is one of being unhealthy spiritually unhealthy and and and and and a disconnect between body and Soul creates an imbalance there's something ill about the the existence of of the Jewish nation in Exile outside of its natural healthy place which is called and um it struck me so deeply the way that mentioned this notion of of making such a contribution and such an impact on society and and the child of immigrants reaching the greatest expression of and and when I'm listening listening to you and sharing your videos the past around and and you and and and so many other good good who are who are sons and daughters of who themselves made Aliah um I feel like there's such a an is Youth and that's an important part of the narrative here of of of this incredible opportunity that we have here heading toward the light together um in K Goot in in in this new chapter hopefully this last chapter in tanak that we're writing together um a message perhaps there are a lot of people who are going to be watching this in a lot of people are be watching all around the world caring feeling sensitive engaged Jews who who care deeply for the state of Israel for the people of Israel is there something that that that you can share that uh that that from your experience as an O and as the child and grandchild of olim about the impact you can make here in erel wow it's a that's a big one um I'm gonna tap into to my I'm going to switch hats for a second from my Army Beret to my tour guiding hat and I'll tell you that I take families with kids on trips to Israel and the the parents warn me they say my kid doesn't like to learn he doesn't he's not interested in the history he doesn't really care about Israel he's got no he just wants to have fun can we do that and I say to them we're gonna be having fun we're also going to be learning at the same time he might not even know that we're learning when we're having fun but we're also going to be learning at the same time and then they come to Israel and we start going around all these places and going to going on Hikes jumping into the natural springs and going to the important sites that make our Jewish history that connect us to what is the Jewish people doing here and the parents tell me I've never seen my kid like this in their lives this is not my child who is this kid the kid's asking questions and he's interested and the fire of his Nisha Burns and I'm like this is not the same kid as your kid in America because the land is not the same land as the land of America and I see it I see it the parents are like who is this and I say to them I say is this the same kid you told me that doesn't like listening isn't interested and they want to know everything they want know every story they tell me as we're walking through the water tunnels ofo's tunnels 2700 years old they're telling me Ari can you tell me more stories you know what I mean and it's not because of anything I'm doing it's a it's the land it's the land and it's coming here and so it awakens a part of you and so if I had a a suggestion is if you can't if you can't eat the fruits of the land every meal of your life at least come here and get a taste you know I mean at least come here and get a taste see what it's all about you see exactly and you see all these hold on and you see all these soldiers yeah that's what happens when you put a phone on a Hummer you see you see all these soldiers willing to sacrifice their lives for this land and for this people you see all these people willing to put their lives on the line and to put their hearts on the line and everything and it might be a little bit strange to you in America saying to yourself what is it about this place so as they say come and find out and you you'll see and you'll experience it and you'll feel it and and and it's it's it's I think it's add diting it's literally addicting wherever you are understand this is what so looks like this is what soul looks like this is what light looks like this is what living a life of purpose of meaning of clarity of mission looks like this is what it sounds like this is what it could feel like to love God with all of our hearts with all of our soul all our Resources with all that we have this is aav Isel this is what sacrifice looks like this is what King David's Army looks like and we're all a part of it and AR I can't I can't thank you enough for for being so open and embracing and and uh inviting us into the Hummer yeah and uh and really no but really really extending the front lines understanding that the front lines is in every single home and in every single heart in Amel and among all the good people of the world and uh we're all in this together we're so grateful to you for your sacrifice for your family sacrifice we're doing with you we're doing for you thank you so much you you you feel it you feel the connection between what's going on in every house every Jewish house in the world and what and what's going on here and it's Inseparable and that's what I'm trying to do with some of my videos is just saying like your actions your your good your light changes reality over here and it changes reality both in the spiritual sense shakes the the the heavens and also in the physical sense of it makes us realize what we're fighting for and understand understand that this is the this is the greatest people in the world this is the greatest land in the world this is the greatest place in the world this is the the greatest set of morals and Valu the Torah in the world and so why would I not why would I even think twice it it's so the more you guys are involved am Isel the more clear our mission becomes yeah I mean there's never been uh in our lifetimes a more heavy and intense serious challenging and difficult time and there's never been a more potential and exciting opportunity for us to to come together and to strengthen the bonds that that bring us together and for us to express nishas is the soul of the Jewish people and to to win this war together mem and the timing of it the timing of it was so interesting wasn't it when the Jews seemed to be so far apart from each other and now it's like that was a different world that was a different Universe yeah we should be worthy we should be worthy of your sacrifice and and of the sacrifice of of all of we should be worthy we should be worthy of and this process should be it should be with compassion and it should be gentle and uh and God willing we should only see revealed good amen you should you should take care of business brother you should first of all what you're doing you should be bored bored totally bored be bored should be bored should just just go all in and and and and the greatest most revealed sweetest revenge over the honor of the Jewish people and for the honor of Hashem there should be revealed Vengeance and there should be kidish hasem and God willing should come home we should be able to continue hakas together amen amen amen amen okay love you brother thank you so much this was excellent after the war uh we we'll meet up again you bet maybe love that maybe I'll have the opportunity to come and speak to speak to people we can do something live in person I want to bring my kid I want what I want you to take my kids on a tour so I can go away with my wife what are you talking about good sounds good much love brother come home safe come home safe amen [Music] amen [Music]