“If we can talk together, then we can walk together.”

I said officer, if you could please have a little bit of mercy, >> [music] >> I'm actually on my way to New York for my wedding. So he looked one more time at my license and he said, "23 and you're getting married? Now you've made your second mistake. We live in a world where thinking about the other is not that common. And were Zoka to live as part of Klal Yisrael, where that is part and parcel of the core of our identity. >> A chassan and kallah can [music] get on the phone every single night for those that um from the chassidishe community, that's all shomer Shabbos people we're talking about. This is just the way it's done. So they can be on the phone every single night for for for eight hours. And you finish it, what did you talk to your kallah about? That absolutely no way. They want to know about the other person. Um they're that curiosity. How many people, [music] how many marriages are not alive cuz there's a curiosity that's absolutely gone. >> They're asking them to put their hammer away and to listen and to share, which means to validate, empathize, and truly [music] hear the feelings of the other. And only after empathizing, listening, and sharing, and giving the other spouse the sense that you're feeling with them, then comes a time perhaps to discuss. So, can we problem solve together? Can we brainstorm together about what you've just shared? >> Relation means to relate. [music] The habit that your spouse most despises is the habit you underestimate. >> There's one word that for some people stands for connection and the same word for some people >> stands for fright. Sends shivers down their spine. >> That word is vulnerability. >> Nothing scary about being vulnerable. It's usually the stories we tell ourselves about being vulnerable. >> If we can talk together, then we can walk together, >> [music] >> then we can be married, we can build the home, we can be mechanech the children.