How We Truly See Each Other | Full Segment

So we're brothers. We're brothers. We're friends. For many years, we're sitting together in in one room. And you shall I. But there was a time that brothers much greater than us were together in one room and they did not recognize each other and they did [clears throat] not hear each other and I want to begin with this with this pivot. >> [clears throat] >> We saw the brother. We saw what our brother was going through and he was crying out to us. We didn't hear him. And because of that, we're going through this s now. So we all understand that to blame the generation, to blame the children, to blame the kids for the sorrows that they're going through would be sherking our own responsibility. The reality is shamanu loanu means that we have not we have not done enough to hear that of our generation young and old we're not hearing we're beginning to hear beginning to hear I think people are very very uh intimidated to become shamim because they themselves maybe never had anyone hearing them as well. But I think that there's a new door today as Rabbi just said, people are starting to hear. People are starting to see not to be scared from if you don't do it the best way. Everyone wants to be a perfectionist and take care of things to the best of their ability. And if they don't know how to do it exactly perfectly to they'd rather not even start. that I've seen with my own that even we say there's a little just means just I don't even know what the right word is in English for that >> to lean to incline to try to hear to listen >> just just show that you're actually trying >> to take in what you see what you experienced by someone else's and what they're going through and that's already That's already half of the way. >> People want to be heard. They want to be heard. So many times I've heard kids of all ages, kids. I've heard them use the expression, I finally found my voice. I have a voice. They were hoping that somehow their parents, their teachers, the rebellion would hear them crying inside. But not everybody is ears are inclined to listen. So we need people and there are wonderful wonderful people such as the from we need people who are listening who have been listening for years and who are able to teach us to listen as well to be able to begin to be able to begin to hear what is it that's troubling but sadikim have taught us that the truth of the matter is that this last generation of Mashia comes is a very exalted one they want very very much to connect to Hashem. They want very much to connect. So, but there's a lot of art. There's a lot of light and they don't always have the cumin to be able to deal with all of this art. You know, I I read something recently. There's a lot of talk now about PTSD, post-traumatic stress disorder. And I'm not a therapist, although I've spent a lot of time talking to people. I'm not a therapist, but there are new studies that are coming out on something called complex PTSD. What does that mean? The is as follows. PTSD is usually referring to some terrible episode, a traumatic moment that happened. Something terrible took place in the life of a child, especially because children children don't know how to to defend themselves. Something terrible happened. There was a miser that happened. Complex PTSD means that there wasn't necessarily one particular cataclysmic event that took place, but rather over years and years of feeling ashamed, of feeling some guilt, of feeling that they're not living up to the expectations of parents or teachers. It was there's no particular thing that necessarily happened. There wasn't a molestation necessarily. There wasn't some terrible event that took place. But over years, this feeling of being somebody who is not worthy in Hashem's eyes, who's not worthy in their parents' eyes. And then it's just a matter of time. The parents are not the parents are not necessarily tuned into this. It's happening very quietly, very, very discreetly. And the teachers are good people, but they have a classroom of 30 kids. So how does one begin Rabby? How does one begin the zihi the identification of what the shish of what the root is? >> You know I've noticed over the past 10 15 years especially with boys that when I speak in high schools I go to speak to to kids it's becoming more and more difficult for them to make eye contact. We were able to look at each other in the eyes and husband and wife, people who love each other, who care for each other, have looked each other in the eyes. A lot of the kids, especially boys, but the girls, there are other issues as well. But for the boys in particular, many of them are feeling a sense of guilt and shame. I find it it's not always a simmon but it's often a simmon this inability to really communicate and to make eye contact. It's it says fascinating thing. It says the beginning of it says why that talking about the time that they were says they were complaining in their tents and they said because Hashem hates us. He took so they have come to such a conclusion that Hashem hates them since Hashem Hashem hates us. He he did all the and he split open the ocean. He gave us the m he gave us everything. So how could it be that he hates us? So the says over there because we were worshiping idols in mit. So Hashem is saying I don't hate you. I love you. But if you feel bad about yourself, if you feel ugly, if you heard some teacher that gave a talk about how if a boy does this or a boy does that, then he's finished. They're not true. So even if they don't hear that from the teacher, they've picked up along the way that there are certain grave sins that they're guilty of. I don't know if it's whatever that was. I went to a club. I watched something on my phone. And then there's this feeling of Hashem. Hashem hates me. My hates me. My parents hate me. No, there are rare instances where a parent doesn't get along with there are such things. But to be hated, to be despised, no. No, we love you. They they feel within themselves [snorts] and and you could usually see it in a certain way in the look and walk. You could see it more and more. It's becoming more apparent. That's I I feel that maybe it's because we're sitting in and because I was also sitting here with Rabbi that I'm very optimistic about the awareness of of the of the of the needs of the generation needs of the that there are people today uh there are real people that have dedicated their lives to specialize in making sure that people feel seen that people know that doesn't matter. You can reach but there are people that come to you with zero judgment and they're not going to leave. They'll wait for you like has been waiting for us all these years and we've been coming back. But there's a story that Rebi shared a number of times. I I I would love to hear it again. I think it would be soyak about scarvitz. >> Yeah. For his grandson. Yeah. So what was talking about we're talking about is an you know is known for many things but especially for the the love of Jews and there was a father who came to to the Reb who said that my daughter my daughter's gone she ran away with some boyfriend who's not Jewish and [clears throat] she's in a in a convent somewhere because in order for her to get married to this person she she'll have to convert and I've tried everything. I tried talking to her. Nothing helped and she's gone. I don't know what to do. So the Rebi said, "Where is this place? Where is this convent?" So the So the father said, "It's in this place." Whatever went with this Gabby Shimu went with this gab and they um they camped out. They found a bench by the convent and they had some fruit or bread and they camped out on this thing. They were there actually for three days and three nights. Now the Reb gave a little note. He paid. He saw a worker coming out and he paid this person. Gave him a bribe and gave him a note and they just sat there. The guy didn't know what to do. Was just sitting there. Babin's there. Waits there. It's not leaving. Come on. It's not leaving. Finally, like at midnight on the third night, there's a little bit of Louis and then there's a girl wrapped in some blanket and she's running running out and and The baby says whatever her name is Perala and the girl goes and the three of them move off into the forest finally when they catch the breast. The says parala how did you do that? How did you do that? How did you escape? How did you get out of that place the kingdom of darkness? She said, "Because I knew that you would be waiting for me on the note and that suddenly you I'm here shouldn't I'm here waiting for you and I knew that you would not leave and because I knew that you were waiting for me. I I I got the courage and got the to escape. So we're talking here about Amud, our friends in Amud, speak luck and the for so many years have been on that bench waiting for these for these kids waiting a phone call, a text. We're here. >> So you're totally 100% right. We've always had we've always had problems, but we we've never had the army of Sadikan who are out there now who are we're here to help who are here to educate to teach us how to listen, how to tune in to the kids and how to how to love them and how to respect them and how to understand them and uh and to give us guidance to be patient and to and to wait for them on each one of their our own park bench. should be filled with filled with and the whole world should know about even people that may not be fall under the category of a lot of the things we've been speaking about just push between two people to see each other much more not just as also says and the ton of the brothers is which is exactly what is doing >> and through that will be to the day of you that we'll be able to see we're able to see and to look at him in the eyes ourselves to be able to greet Mashia with our families with all of our >> Amen. >> Amen. All anyone needs to hear is that is is what Rebi said and it's all good. [music]