My Transformative Yechidus • Rabbi Yisrael Deren

with where with the Reb to be able to gave me a very um difficult job basically that I should undertake bet under. This is an answer in writing. So the said to me underlined twice underlined once to make a to deter with with great determination to learn with intense effort and constant And it was like, can I say I'm going to >> This was an answer on a question that you had, >> right? Yes. >> And this is like a tonight. >> Yes. >> That gave you. >> Yeah. And I uh it was like, you know, I couldn't, but I knew I had to. And I asked again, and the Reb said, "I answered you already." like are you going to do it or not? I I remember the feelings at the time. It was so the first I answered you already like but this was almost a year ago. How does the Reb like you know honestly I wasn't even sure if the Reb knew who I was at that age and but the Reb is telling me exactly you know I told you already why why are you asking me again and there was vested are you going to do it or not but why are you asking again you're the one that has to answer not me and there was looking down and waiting for me to answer yes or no. >> So the first time was and the second time is >> and the Reb is looking down and he's waiting for me to answer >> and I was like I stood there it it felt like two hours. I mean I didn't to talk to the Reb answer a question like this. I mean, it was like and until finally I was with with my last kas almost I I managed almost imperceptibly to nod my head just uh like and was looking down and and as soon as I like moved my head a drop looked up I don't know if it was with a smile I don't remember a smile but I do remember it was like upon him like you know a very and he said to me, "If you'll just remember that you promised me, you'll certainly be able to do it." And at that point, it was like the Reb is making a deal with me. Like, who am I? And the Reb is not saying there there's like a we have a a a transaction going on here. I you promised me and I'll give you you'll be able to do it. That that promise is going to make make you able to do it. Now what what does it mean? It's why would the promise make me able to do it? Because the knowledge that and here's where the Reb is investing in this partnership. No, with the knowledge that if I don't do it, the Reb will be disappointed and if I do do it, the Reb will be happy. In other words, the Reb is saying you are now someone who's important to me. And I couldn't like me I I don't remember how I I I don't remember nothing else what said. I don't remember how I left the room. I I just I was so I guess you might say I've said it before that that's when I began to understand that the definition of aid is not someone who believes in the you don't have to be aid to believe in the okay have a little bit of brains and you believe aid is somebody who recognizes that the Reb believes in them and he acts on that belief and that's um no I'm not going to answer your question did I or didn't I but >> that's irrelevant >> but did this feeling you had then you describing like business >> that was right that oh the becoming a no that it's you know as it developed at that time I just like and from that point on my I I realized that my relationship with is not a theoretical one and it's not a communal one it's a personal one it's a personal relationship that is and and everything that followed it was based on that feeling understanding recognition that aid is not one of a is aid a reb is not ab of he is all of that but he's my rebba and I owe him he gives me but I owe him and uh I owe my Interesting. So the so this was a important uh point in that uh >> I I you know I uh it was a a paradigm shift let me call it that to the extent that 14 or 15 year olds have paradigms but certainly it's the one with which I I try to