Amazing CHAZAQ Event with R' Benzion Shafier on "Getting up after falling"

okay and first of all thank you um yaniv's energy is is infectious anytime I'm like sluggish or I just have to call Yaniv and he's like how you doing how you doing the uh the amount of energy Drive enthusiasm that Yaniv brings both to kazak and to life is very very inspiring may he continue with his wife to have tremendous tremendous have tremendous it's a very very important organization and um if you have lots of money you should support it even if you don't have lots of money you should support it um it's a very worthy organization and it really does uh does warrant your supporting it when a person leaves this Earth there are many things that he could have done that he should have done probably one of the most painful words that you'll ever hear a person say or on his deathbed I could have I should have I would have but I didn't and it's during this busyness that we call life that we forget why we're here we forget what life is about and typically people live very very busy very very dis distracted lives multitasking two three five things at a time not knowing what they're doing when they're doing why they're doing it and the tells us that when a person leaves this Earth he stands in front of Hashem and they ask a number of questions the very first question that they ask is why isn't why is it that you didn't involve yourself in t study why don't you accomplish why don't you become and the tells us that the UN the poor man the user the wealthy man each comes in front of hasem and each one is asked that question and each one of them provides their long list of excuses of reasons why I would have could have should have but didn't the only comes in poor man comes in and they say why don't you become a Torah scholar why don't you become someone great me I had to work 14 hours a day 6 days a week I barely could afford to put food on the table you wanted me to become someone great to become someone accomplished and the says that they say to him you are no more poor than was Hill and the g goes on to tell us the famous event of hillo when hillo was already a Zain he would earn his daily keep he would earn his living by going into the woods and he would gather hillo would gather kindling wood he would gather twigs and these Twigs he would sell for people to start their fire and each day he would sell these twigs and earn a taric a tarpi was the smallest coin in the land effectively a penny every day when he would sell his wood earn his tarpi half of that money he would get give to feed his household and half of that money he would give to the showare Bas of medish in those days the base medish was out in the fields there was a Guardsman who protected the Jews learning the Guardsman earned his living by collecting a fee every day Hiller would sell a little bit of wood and pay the Guardsman to sit and learn Torah one day chabas Tavis it was the winter time Hill apparently didn't have time to collect the wood but he comes to the Guardsman and he says listen I'm here every day and every day I pay you and every day I sit and learn I didn't have time to earn the money today please let me in the Guardsman said no please no please no and finally Hill says the words how could I leave the living words of Torah he goes to the side of B Med he climbs up on top of the base medish was an Aruba a skylight and he listened to the shear from the Skylight now it's not clear what happened he either fell asleep or he passed out but it began snowing and in in the morning when shalan came into B Med they saw that it was dark they looked up into the Skylight and they saw the image of a man covered with snow they said to someone quick quick run get him down get him down they brought him down and Shaya said the words Roy shabas this man is worthy to desecrate the shabas FL they lit a fire heated up some water resuscitated him and when the poor man says I was too poor I would have loved to have learned but I just couldn't have done it they say to him you were no more poor than was Hill if Hill could do it so too could have you and then the wealthy man comes forward me learn I had 700 people in my employee everyone in town every issue was at my doorstep they kept asking and bothering how could I have accomplished how could I have learn Torah I was way way too busy and the says they say to him you are no more wealthy than was raram and theor goes on to tell us who raram was was a tremendous he spent his every waking moment every thought in Torah study and he did nothing but that his father was a wealthy businessman his father made quite a bit of money and his father began buying land more more land and more land in those days if you owned a track of land you were the land lord you made the laws you set the taxes it was effectively your Kingdom's father owned 1,000 cities a wealth that's almost unimaginable and when he died all of that wealth was left to rear Haram he now became one of the wealthiest men in his generation and from the moment that he inherited that awesome amount of money he didn't change an iot he remained the same individual same involvement in Torah study same total dedication and when the rich man stands in front of hasem and says I was way way too busy they say to him you are no more wealthy than was it comes out that Hill obligates the poor people and obligates the wealthy people and that's theor and I was to hear my re asked a question on this gar and it's really two questions question number one I could stand here say one thing and think something totally different you can't tell you could hear my words you can see my actions but you can't tell what's going on in my heart but this gamar is talking when the body this part's put in the ground I separate and I stand in front of Hashem Hashem is a very very astute judge what does Hashem need Hill for if hillo could do it Mr poor man you could have let hasem peer into the essence of this poor man and say sir you could have or you could not have either the poor man had the capacity he had the ability or he did not Hashem doesn't need Hill if Hill could do it so I prove that you can do it Hashem is a very fine judge Hashem doesn't need H let Hashem say miss the poor man you could or could not question number one is who needs hillo but question number two is a bit more penetrating the villon tells us the most painful moment in a person's life is not that fatal car crash not when they drag the sheet over my head not even when I separate not even when I leave my body behind it says the Von it's when I stand in front of the based in shamal I stand in front of the Heavenly tribunal and they hold up this picture this picture of this great man a man who changed himself and changed the very generation that he lived in and they say to me why didn't you become that me me to be a great man that s what do you want from me and says ofone the most painful words that a human being will ever hear are the words that that is you that is you had you use your talents that is you had you use your abilities that is you had you become that which you were destined to be but you see the picture is a picture of me it's not a picture of you it's not a picture of a Great Sage who lived hundreds of years ago it's a picture of me based on my strengths my talents my abilities based on the generation into which I was born based on the family into which I was born based on the birth order this is what I could have been and the only question that they ask is one how much of you did you become I'm not compared to you you're not compared to her not one of us is compared to anyone else there's only one standard of measure how much could I have become what will my strength my talent here's the picture of what I could have been how much of me did I reach 80% 60% 40% so if that's true then Hill is a wrong standard of measure who cares one time in history there was a tremendous individual called hillow a singular personality who shines throughout the generations it's not relevant the question is Miss the poor man miss the rich man what was your capacity you're not compared to hillo you're not compared toam you're compared to you so question number one is we don't need Hill question number two is Hill is the wrong standard of measure the poor man is not compared to Hill the rich man is not compared to what does this gar mean and I'd like to see if we could understand a little bit better what this gamarra is in fact sharing with us and to do that I'd like to share with you an interesting thought if you go to Asia today you'll still find that much of the heavy lifting is done by the elephant parts of the continent are still undeveloped and in those parts of the continent you'll see the elephant all day long trudging through the jungle big powerful elephant in its trunk will be logs on its back will be a basket and the trainer will lead the elephant and all day long the elephant carries the Elephant schs at night they tie this elephant to a peg in the ground and the Elephant remains there the entire night now if you were looking at this scene you might ask the following question powerful huge animal rope not that strong Peg not that deep in the ground the question you would ask is why doesn't the elephant just Escape why doesn't it just break out and go into the jungle and eat and forage whatever it wants to do and many an evening the elephant would rather do that but the elephant can't and you know why when the elephant's born it weighs about 250 lb the trainer ties the elephant the baby elephant up to the peg in the ground and the baby elephant tries to break out but it can't do it it tries the second time it tries for 3 days it tries for a week it tries for a month and the baby elephant then knows the lesson the Rope is too strong the peg is too deep and even when the elephant becomes fully grown even when it weighs 14,000 lb even when it can plow through a cement wall like it's paper it remains rooted in the ground because in its limited understanding it can't escape the Rope is too thick the peg is too deep and I believe that that's an apt parable to many many people many many people that you will meet in life do not become a fraction of what they could have been not because they don't have talent not because they don't have ability but because they have limited beliefs they have very very small versions of themsel what do you want from me I'm a regular guy a regular person you want me to Aspire to Greatness you want me to set goals you want me to start an organization you want me to be some I'm just a regular person and these self-fulfilling prophecies become living belief ceilings that hold them down and like the mighty powerful elephant that remains tied to a small peg in the ground great people never become a fraction of what they could have been not because they don't have talents but because they have these limiting beliefs that keep them locked into place and every once in a while you hear about someone shattering such a limiting belief let me share with you one example from competitive of sports historically one of the greatest records in sports was a 4minute mile athlete after athlete decade after decade dreamt about running a mile in under 4 minutes for over a hundred years not a single athlete could run a mile and under 4 minutes in 1912 P nuro from Finland ran the mile in 4 minutes and 10 seconds garan Sweden 12 years later ran in 4 minutes and 6 seconds Carpenter an American fellow in 1945 ran it in 4 minutes and 4 seconds and it remained rooted there no one could run a mile in under 4 minutes doctors offered all kinds of theories man's skeletal structures all wrong he creates too much wind resistance he can't take in enough air his lung capacity isn't great enough it became an accepted medical fact that no human being can run a mile in under 4 minutes as a matter of fact one Runner an Australian fellow John Landy ran the mile in 4 minutes and 2 seconds four times in a row he said the words it's a brick wall May 5th 1956 Roger Bannister broke the 4minute mile that record that remained for decades as impenetrable he ran the Mile in under 4 minutes amazingly 37 Days Later John Landy the Australian fell 4 minutes 2 seconds brick wall ran the mile faster than did Roger Bannister and by the end of the year 27 other Runners had run the mile in under four minutes but here's a strange part nothing changed didn't change diet didn't change running technique didn't change running shoes the only thing that changed was Roger banister took something from the realm of impossible and he made it possible then John Landy could 27 Runners could now any decent track star runs the mile in under 4 minutes but you see it took one human being to shatter the myth to break through that wall once he did then many many others could follow suit and many times in life you'll find limiting beliefs powerful powerful ceilings that keep people in check but they're not there they're there in their minds they're there in their imaginations but as long as you think they're real as long as you believe in them they'll hold you down right to the floor in 1997 in Tallahassee Florida a young boy was involved in a car accident the ambulances came rushing to the city seen the EMTs were Milling around but they couldn't help the boy you see his arm was pinned under the wheel of a car they had to get him to the hospital but they couldn't extract his arm it was literally jammed under the wheel they're all debating what to do get a crane whatever to do finally an onlooker without hesitating runs over to the bumper of the car bends down lifts the car up and they literally take the boy out put him into an ambulance Rush him to the hospital patch him up he's good to go this story became a media sensation because the onlooker wasn't some Burly fireman or some trained medical technician the onlooker was the boy's 63y old grandmother and when news spread of this it went from coast to coast it became a sensation that literally went across the country Dr Charles Garfield had written a book called Peak Performance he was a psychologist a personal coach and he studied athlets he spent his career studying athletes who perform Feats of of strength that were unimaginable athletes who lifted 1200 lb Boulders athletes who ran for two days straight he spent his career studying phenomenal Feats of Strength and when he read this article he said I must interview this woman I must get her story so he called her up she refused to meet with him he called a second time she refused again he called a third time she again refused finally after the fourth time she agreed to meet with him and he described that when he went to her house she welcomes him in offers him a cup of coffee they sit down and the first thing he says Madam I have to understand tell me what were you thinking what were you feeling and she began telling a story she began telling what she was experiencing what she was going through what it was like and after she went through the whole story he finally said I have one last question I don't understand this what I don't understand is what you've done is is miraculous it's heroic you saved your grandson's life what I don't understand is why were you so reluctant to speak to me why were you so resistant to tell your story and he said says that she looked at him and she said these words if this which I knew was impossible I really could do what does it say about the rest of my life he asked her what do you mean she said well she always dreamt of being a college teacher she only finished high school so Dr Charles Garfield being a personal coach created a plan for her and at the age of 63 Mrs Laura Schultz began her college education and she ended up teaching college level science okay but here's the punchline you and I both know that in the real world grandmas don't lift cars mm- doesn't happen in the real world the boy remains pinned there whatever happens happens but 63-year-old women can't lift cars until a woman sees her grandson pinned under the wheel of the car and says it will happen and she rushes over without thinking with without hesitating and she finds strength that she never imagined she had she Taps into energy that she never could Envision having and she does that which until then wasn't possible but until someone shatters that limiting belief they are held in check most people are held in check by many many forces many many powerful shackles keep them down I was to he foer say eulogy for his father-in-law his father-in-law was if you don't know whoa Wasa died about 25 years ago he was an American Born GLE he was one of the very first gim who were born in America and became a God is and at his funeral his son-in-law before years said as follows R gifa grew up in the United States of America and he went to Yeshiva initially here and if you walked into his dorm room there was one thing that was different on the wall was a mirror that alone wasn't so unusual other fellows had mirrors but around the mirror were pictures of everyone that R gifta wanted to be like R shim bar bear the other great Torah personalities that he dreamt about being like but that was not the unusual part it was the words over the mirror over the mirror were the words why not you and apparently every day young mfta would walk over to the mirror look at the picture of the people that he wanted to be like look in his eyes read the words why not you and there was no reason why not you because he became tells but that ability to look in the mirror have Heroes have people who you aspire to be like and ask yourself why not me is one of the keys to success in life and I heard my re sh explain this gamar that way you know what it means that the poor man obligates hillo I'm sorry the poor man is obligated by hillo the poor man is not compareed to hillo but what hillo did was he shattered the myth he was more poor than you had a worse situation than you and look what he accomplished you now had a hero you now had a man who broke through shattered that limiting belief like Roger banister who broke the for minute mile who was once a wealthy man who was so wealthy and yet he became a tremendous person the reality changed and when the gorra says that Hill obligates the poor man obligates the wealthy man it's because they changed the reality now every human being has someone to look up to human being has someone who accomplished who did and now I can look and say why not me and I believe that this is one of the keys to success in any Endeavor in life if you find me a person who succeeded in anything if it's business if it's academics if it's writing if it's art if it's poetry find me a human being who became well known or famous I guarantee he had Heroes he aspired fired he looked in the mirror and said the words why not you but there's another lesson that you need if you want to succeed at anything in life when I was about 24 years old I was still single I was in Yeshiva and I was invited to join a mus kabura what's a mus kabura it's a group of fellas about the same age each week one of the fellows would present a novel Concept in mus and then as a group we discuss how we could apply it so one week a fellow brought in a gar he brought in an interesting concept about character trait development and we discussed as a group how to apply it another week someone brought in aish discussed something about amuna he said something new there and we discussed how we could apply it my turn to present came and I walked into the room I was not holding a gar I was not holding AES I walked in carrying a picture sports book now these were pretty serious fellows and I got some pretty serious looks as in like what's with the picture sports book I took the book and put it down on the table and opened it up to the center fold and there you saw Muhammad Ali holding up the heavyweight championship belt now those serious looks Turned Pretty Dirty as sh what do you what do you want I said tell me what you see all right we get it Frasier had been the world champion Ali just won the fight what you want I said exactly when you look at this picture what you see is Glory you see Victory you don't see that Muhammad Ali was driven from the fight directly to the hospital when you read the sports section the next day you read about the new world champion but you don't read about the fact that he got so beat up in the fight that he was driven directly to the hospital and for 3 weeks he could not get out of a hospital bed you see the victory you see the glory but you don't see the pain that he went through to get there and what I wanted to share with my friends that day was that this is the second lesson in life you see if you have goals if you have Heroes and if you ask yourself why not you you'll have some real great motivation and if you don't know the second lesson to success in life I guarantee you'll fail the second lesson to success in life is you got to know how to take a punch you got to know how to get knocked to the ground and get back in the fight again um anyone here box ladies okay I made the foolish mistake when I was 18 I spent about 6 months in a boxing gym and let me share with you if you know a boxer upfront and personal they're all ugly why cuz when you get smashed in the nose and smashed in the eyes you you just you become dis just figure right Muhammad Ali was the prettiest boxer ever he was known as pretty boy Ali why cuz he never got hit he used to float like a butterfly dance right float like a butterfly sting like a bee right right you could watch the punches come he would slip he would duck he never got hit Muhammad Ali estimated that in his professional career he was hit in the head at least 1 million times that means at least 1 million times some 220 lb smashed them full force in the jaw that's pretty boy Ali the guy who never got hit and Muhammad Ali said one line that I wanted to share with my friends that day he said when you see a professional prize fighter who's down for the count you know guy gets knocked down the referee counts of 10 KN and understand he's not knocked out a professional fighter is in such good shape that it almost never happens that that he's knocked unconscious what happened was he got hurt he lost courage he no longer has the guts to get back in the fight he lost heart because the idea of a professional fighter being knocked unconscious almost never happens he no longer has the guts to get back in the fight and what I wanted to share with my friends that day was a very very big concept and that is after you have your goals after you look in the mirror and you say why not you when you realize I have potential I have strength Hashem gave me talents and when you say I don't want to be that powerful elephant tied to the peg in the ground and you have Heroes and you say yes I'm going to be I'm going to accomplish you have to also know that second lesson that second lesson is that if you find me a human being who succeeded in anything in life I guarantee I will find you a human being who got knocked down Time After Time After Time After Time and everyone dreams of being whatever and if you want to be an inventor if you want to be a writer if you want to be an artist you want to be an academian you want to be a businessman whatever you want to dream about I guarantee you if you find me a human being who became great in anything in life he had dreams and he knew how to take a punch because it never happens it never happens that you begin an Endeavor and it's success and success success after success success after SU success after that these are fluorescent bulbs okay who invented the incandescent the oldfashioned bulb who invented it right Thomas Thomas Edison right Thomas Edison was a wealthy man already he basically he he came up with so many inventions that it was hard to believe he already had his laboratory he was an established person he decided that he wanted to find a way to harness electricity in a light that people could use in their home but but here was the problem he couldn't find what material to use he used cotton it burnt out too quickly he used ham it burnt out too quickly he used Metals it didn't he material after material he could not find a single material that would glow bright and would last for any length of time he would try one material and then he would go to sleep under his laboratory desk and he'd wake up a few hours later was burnt out he tried another one and burned burnt one after another after another how many different types of materials did he try, 200 500 600 700 2,000 2000 his biographer says that he tried 10,000 different materials what that means in plain language is 99,999 failures he blew it again messed up again one more time it didn't work one more time I failed and most people would have quit after the second or third time fifth eighth 10th time for sure 100th I've tried 200 different materials that can't be done it's physically impossible that's what everyone else said and the reason why he discovered the incandescent light bulb was because he had one burning drive I will find a way to do it and he was prepared and willing to pay the price and that price is getting hit falling down getting back in the fight Time After Time Now ladies you may say come on all this boxing stuff what this I can't relate to this give me a nice feminine sport give me a nice what's come on we the Olympics Vol no winter come on this is the Winter Olympics right give me something nice what F figure skating is that they with the lovely little leotard and it's so delicate I four girls all want to do okay okay here we go what could be more feminine and delicate than figure skating oh She's So Graceful and she jumps and she Twirls okay how do you distinguish between the mediocre figure skaters and the elite figure skaters so what they've discovered is the single criteria that tells you whether this girl will be an elite athlete or not is how many times she's willing to fall you see I don't how good you are you try a new Jump now the first time you try it you try it at home on the carpet and it's fine you jump in your twirl you jump in your twirl it's good fine you get to the ice your coach puts on a harness the harness supports you so even if you miss it doesn't matter because you don't fall but eventually the harness comes off and eventually you're on the ice you're on the ice and you're doing your jump and I don't care how gifted you are you're going to fall once twice three times seven times 10 times on a regular basis the best athletes will fall 10 20 times in a session the girl who won the 2006 Olympics a Japanese girl she began skating at five she won the Olympics at 16 her coach estimates that between those years she fell at least 20,000 times would you like to know what it's like to fall on the hard ice one more time you try to jump and you fell again and you fell again again and you fell again and there's a voice in your head that says give it up you're obviously not made for this stuff you're obviously not equipped for this this is not for you you've fallen and fallen and fallen and Fallen it's enough quit and the difference between those people who reach greatness and those people who don't is their ability to one more time get in the game and folks don't make a mistake don't think well this is about Athletics and this is about young athletes this is a yod a principle for life I want to share with you a quote and after I tell you the quote I'm going to ask you who said it here's the quote Success consists of going from failure to failure without a loss of enthusiasm one more time success consists of going from failure to failure without a loss of En enthusiasm who said the quote anybody huh Napoleon Hill Napoleon Hill you're a good person anybody else anybody no okay Benjamin Franklin okay all right let me give you a little background the man who said the quote I'm sorry j okay Josh okay I'll give you some hints the man who said the quote was a college professor the man won the Nobel Prize in history my bad the man was a world Statesman the man was kned by the Queen of England the man as a matter of fact was the Prime Minister of England the man was Sir Winston Churchill but let me tell you who Sir Winston Churchill was historians credit Churchill with saving the Free World you see 1933 when Hitler was elected R Chancellor Chamberlain was the Prime Minister of England Chamberlain was excuse my expression a wimp his entire policy was appeasement give Hitler some Breathing Room give him some land give him Czechoslovakia give whatever he wanted that was Chamberlain's attitude from the parliament floor there was one lone voice Winston Churchill the lion that roared screamed Adolf Hitler is a menace to society he's a menace to mankind later on Winston Churchill was elected prime minister and historians say say that it was his leadership his grit that galvanized the allies and if not for him the Nazis would have won May 1945 Germany surrendered July 1945 there were elections in England and Winston Churchill lost after bringing England to its finest hour after saving democracy the man found found himself unemployed down and out on the streets a great wartime leader but we need a different sort of leadership now he found himself without a job he went on to write that sixth treaties work that one of the Nobel Prize he went on to fight communism but that was his life success consists of going from failure to failure and the reason why I share that with you is because if you're young at this thing called life or if you're naive at this thing called life you think you go into business and you make a billion dollars the first week for sure or at least the second month guaranteed and then you find that it's doesn't quite work that way and you find out that most successful businessmen tried one business and failed at it tried another one and failed at it had great great challenges financially found themselves in deep trouble came up with another idea tried that and finally they succeeded and what you discover is is that any Endeavor in life whatever you're at it never just works you just get into the chair a rocket ship propelled to the Heights and the reason I share that with you is because most people don't get this they sure don't get it in high school they don't get it in college they don't get it when they begin their career and then they get stuck in this rut and they never become because they start getting the sense of this is what it is this is what it's about I'll never be anyone and if you're satisfied with that okay go for it be no one be a mediocre be a just run the mill most people you meet are satisfied with just that most people you meet don't really challenge themselves most people you meet don't really ask themselves anything and most people you meet really are just plain whatever sorry to be the one to tell you that and if you're satisfied with that go ahead be whatever but every once in a while you wake up and you say wait a minute I can't believe that Hashem took me from under the K under the hm's Throne of Glory put me into this body for whatever just hang out you know get married have a kid or two make some money spend the money make some more money spend that money then you die whatever you know it's okay you're good you're okay you're okay you're you're decent all right Hashem gave me talents Hashem gave me strength Hashem gave me abilities but my abilities and my talents are not yours and you're not compared to her she's not compared to him not a one of us compared to anyone else each of us has strengths and talents there's only one question that they ask at the end of our days how much of you did you become how much of your potential did you reach and if you wake up in the morning and you say wait a minute I'm not satisfied with just going through the motions of life that's when you have to learn very well the two lessons lesson number one one is you have to have Heroes you have to have people who succeeded your job in life is not to be like them your job in life is to say wait a minute that person walked the same Earth that I walk that person breathed air just as I breath air that person accomplished greatness if he could do it so too can I I'm not comparing myself to that person I'm not asking myself to be like that person if he could do it in his realm in his area I could do it in mine and you use that motivation that inspiration to set powerful real goals concrete goals with a timeline with real demands and then you get into this thing called growing and you fall down you set a goal and you fa and as most people you say to yourself well I guess I'm just not cut out for this I tried and I didn't make it I tried again I didn't make it and that's where most people kind of throw in the towel and if you're again if you're satisfied with whatever and you're happy to be that way okay but if you decided that you actually want to accomplish and I don't care what that is certainly in Torah learning certainly in being a respectable human being certainly if you want to make it in business or if you want to make it in any field you have to know that second lesson and that second lesson is it's not going to be easy they're going to be pitfalls you're going to fall down and you're going to have to get back in the game and while this is a big lesson for life there's a particular area that I'd like to apply this to this evening we are experiencing in our community more and more problems with marriages I get to watch from a very upfront and personal way because people come to me all the time with their problems my spouse my husband my wife my spouse and when they come together it's cuz I get to get in Stereo it's my husband my wife so I get to hear the story after story after story after story if I had a dollar for every time I said to my wife it's a match made in heaven and the living in geham I would be wealthy I'll translate it's a match made in heaven and the living in Pur hell Purgatory why it's not that they're not suited one for another it's not that the match was wrong they're perfectly suited for each other it's a perfect sh but they're killing each other because they don't know how to be married and we live in a very difficult generation we are pampered self-centered impatient what's in it for me from the time I'm born the center of the universe is me my needs my interests and a minute that my needs are not met I'm out of here and there are a lot of issues in marriage and I'd like to share with you that if you would like to be happily married it is very very very easy to find your Basher to find the one that you were destined to be with it's not hard at all there's a book plug the book Finding and keeping your soulmate read the book you're not going to listen to it but eventually unless you do something really foolish you'll find your soulmate it's easy to find him or her but then being married successfully being married happily is a whole different ball game finding the right person is easy remaining happily married to that right person is not easy at all and you know why because folks are we allowed to be honest any alled to be really honest okay one day I challenge you one day go over to the mirror and forget the goals and the why not Ed stuff go over to the mirror and go like this there I am the perfect person everything I do is perfect I'm so smart and so clever and so brilliant and so easy to get along with and everything I do is perfect and then say to yourself liar I have quirks I'm either too neat or too sloppy too on time or too late to this or to that every one of us I don't care who you are I guarantee you're a difficult person to live with why because we all have our stuff this is my way and it's the right way and I don't care what your way is if your way is never to bounce a check in your entire life you balance the the accounts down to the penny or if you bounce checks like the rubber balls I don't care if you're always late you're always on time if you leave your socks on the floor you're always the needest person in the world every one of us put into close proximity to another person has stuff that makes it not so easy to be married to a married couple are not asked to be business partners they're not asked to share parts of their life together they're asked to do everything together from the way they raise their children to the culture of the house to wear their vacation to how they deal with everything and when you take two human beings from different families different ways of life different genders put them together and ask them to live in peace and Harmony you are destined to have a lot of trouble unless you're willing to change unless you're willing to grow unless you're willing to understand what marriage is about and I have seen many many marriages head south and bar I've had the opportunity to see many marriages actually that were in a really rough part really fighting tooth and nail and whatever the reason people began explaining to them how things really should be and they began working they be began growing and I know many couples who are now beautiful happy marriages where five years ago they were killing each other and now they're successful beautiful harmonious marriages and again unfortunately I know the opposite as well and the reason why I think this particular topic this evening is very applicable is because most married people at some point in their marriage wake up and say these words oh my goodness I made the biggest mistake in my life oh no I married the wrong one and he'll give you the litany the long list she's this and she's that and she's he doesn't say it all what he does he couldn't tell you for the life of him his part of the equation but he can tell you very clearly what she does when she did it how she did it and he is convinced 100% that he made the biggest mistake in his life so at that point you have a choice you do what most people do you exit get a get a divorce not a big deal I was in I was with my wife wife in a restaurant we were about over here and about over here were three young guys and I heard one young guy and my wife heard it as well say the following words you know I made a mistake I got married too old I should have gotten married younger that way I could have gotten divorced younger gotten the alimony payments child payments done with and then gone on to my second marriage at a younger point in life and my wife and he said it loud enough that we could hear my wife and I looked at each other what did you say what I wanted to grab the guy what and most people when they make that discovery that oh my goodness it's not Hollywood you know what happens in Hollywood he looks in her eyes she looks in her eyes happily ever after till the first fight and then Hollywood's over goodbye second marriage third marriage fourth marriage why not hey come on it's disposable so when you wake up in the morning at some point and say to yourself I made the biggest mistake in my life it is then time for you to ask yourself one simple question did Hashem blow it did Hashem make a mistake maybe you know it it could be like Hashem used to be very good at this thing called matchmaking and it could be hasm is very good at like creating the world and running the world and all that good stuff but Hashem made an obvious mistake Hashem blew it hasm made a really dumb mistake and gave me the wrong person because it's obvious and clear and most people say exactly those words or you have another Choice other choice is to ask yourself uhoh what what's going on here why is it that things aren't so smooth why is it that things aren't working out so well ladies and gentlemen this is a plug I spent 3 months of my life working on something called the marriage seminar marriage seminar is a 14 part 14 lectures that deal with the basics of marriage his part her part gender differences relationships how to work on a marriage I spent an Untold amount of hours in time after just being so sickened by couple after couple who didn't know Basics folks you want to hear p of irony if you go to the State of California and you would like to be a barber 6 months of schooling a written and practical exam in the state of New York if you want to drive a car driver's education 50 hours of supervised practice a written and a practical exam if you want to get married sign on a DOT line you're married and there's no educational courses there's no what to expect there's no what happens when he says and she says and why did he do that and why did she do that and guess what it used to work you know why CU there was no alternative you know in 19 1906 United States America the divorce rate was 6% people did not get divorced so basically you got married and you found out oh my goodness I married this one and you had to figure it out not every marriage was successful but because you knew that marriage was forever until death do us part not until you part but until death do us part so you knew that you had better figure out how to work things out people weren't as selfed they weren't as as selfish and you knew you had to work it out and basically most people worked it out those are not the times we live in today you get married you're not happy and you check out before you even realize that you don't have a clue to what marriage is about you don't have a clue to what a relationship is about you don't understand and I can't tell you how many countless times when I've explained to a husband why his wife acts that way and I've explained to a wife why it is that her husband acts that way it's because of what you're doing and it's because of what you're doing and if you would stop doing this he would stop doing that wow I never realized and as shocking as it is you could get married and United States of America today and be completely utterly ignorant you can't get behind the wheel of a car without knowing how to steer it but you can get married without having a clue about what marriage is about so what I'd like to do is extend to you an offer listen to the marriage seminar it is free how much does it cost free anybody here Jewish free did I say that right capital f r e e it's on the schmoo app if you don't have the schmoo app you go to the Apple to the App Store go to Google Play and you download the app just remember it's spelled funny th h t h e s h MZ the and you can download the app the app is also free how much free and on the app you'll see the marriage seminar all 14 parts are on it um you can go on the website if you don't have a smartphone which is a very SM thing not to have if you don't have a smartphone you can go on sho.com and you could um download it there also how much does it cost right or you could buy the CDs I'm a businessman I make a lot of money off the CDs right now how much um the C they're very expensive to produce the CD set is $30 it's 12 CDs and it's it really costs a lot of money to to produce so I can't lose I can give it free but I can't lose money on it so and I have a few sets here if you're interested they $30 but again if you have a smartphone or if you have a website um you can you know you can just download it from the.com or again the app is the easiest because it's it's right on your phone but you see folks when you do that I want to share with you what I believe your experience is going to be first of all I personally guarantee that you're going to say wow wow oh I never knew that that's if you're married see if you're everybody is wise and everyone knows everything about marriage until they get married I remember when I was single I knew everything about marriage I knew everything about marriage problem I knew exactly how to solve everyone until I got married and then I discovered something interesting so I guarantee if you're if you're single you're going to listen to this and say yeah yeah I knew that yeah yeah right it's easy yeah okay but if you're married you're going to listen to this and I almost guarantee your joy is going to drop your joy is going to drop and you're going to say to yourself oh oh my goodness now I get it I thought he was a creep I thought he was a now I know why he acts that way oh that's why she does that stuff oh and your jaw is going to go ah okay and I believe you'll find it very educational also somewhat entertaining um but very educational and then you're going to have the great opportunity to actually try to apply it in the real world to your marriage and it's not going to be so easy cuz it's very easy isn't it exciting to listen to a Shear like this yeah wow the elephant and then the runners yeah wow let's go let's go and it's very easy to listen to a marriage seminar oh it's so interesting and it's wow very eye opening but it's when you have to learn to excuse my expression shut your mouth when you have to learn how to be actually other centered when you have to say it's not about me but it's about the other person and when you have to learn how to not just be a robot and go through the motions as we normally do but to actually begin thinking and acting in a different way you're going to find it very difficult and especially if you're married more than 2 weeks and likely there have been words that have said there have been feelings that are hurt there have been things that been expressed and it's going to be very difficult to pick up the pieces and begin working on it again can I share with you one little fact of life if you're married you could listen if you're not married don't listen okay please don't listen if you're not married the human being who will hurt you more than any other human being on the planet is your spouse the human being who will get you angrier than any other person in existence is your spouse and likely the person that you'll hate more than any other person in the world is your spouse and that's assuming it's a good marriage now don't listen if you're sing single but if you're married you'll know what I'm talking about but let me explain to you why this is you see marriage is the closest Bond imaginable you are completely vulnerable completely dependent and in a successful marriage you're one unit and I don't care who you are invariably you're going to do things to inadvertently not not intentionally hurt your spouse you're not going to recognize you're not going to understand and you're going to do things that hurt your spouse but you're so close and you're so vulnerable that it's going to hurt in a very real way you see if I have a roommate who I don't like I separate I go to a different room if I have a brother who I can't get along with whatever I don't hang out with them much but when you're married to a person you're with them 24/7 you're completely open completely vulnerable she knows your inner Secrets he knows exactly what makes you take and I don't care how sensitive you are there going to be things that you do by mistake by accident that are going to hurt the other person and the reason I say that is because if you want to be successfully married you have to learn that marriage is about learning to be more sensitive learning to Care Learning to forgive learning to get Beyond things and learning that at a certain point we just leave it and continue and go on and these things are not so easy again I highly recommend the marriage seminar because it'll give you a very good understanding especially if you're singing Le it'll be so entertaining and you'll laugh at all those married people oh I can't believe they they made that mistake and that mistake I'm so smart I'll never do that dumb thing again by the way I have a a CD out called the 10 really dumb mistakes that very smart couples make I love when couples listen to it when couples listen to it they take a score check some guy some get two oh yeah we made two out those 10 dumb mistakes some couples get four one couple I know told me they have 10 out of 10 that's pretty that's pretty impressive 10 out of 10 but folks this is not to knock marriage marriage is the most beautiful most harmonious most gratifying relationship in the world if you know how to work the relationship if you know what it's about the reason why so many people have so much trouble in marriage is because they don't understand marriage they don't understand what change is about they don't understand what they're doing in marriage so they're grading on each other and they're killing each other Hashem did not design marriages to be miserable Hashem wants us to be happy and a proper marriage is the most the most in invigorating the most supportive the most beautiful relationship you could ever imagine but it requires a lot of work and I think that thisal shares with us a very important perspective H obligates the poor person why because the poor person's reality was changed you see the poor person said for day after day week after week I would love to have learned but I couldn't had he taken Hill as his hero had he said the words Hill did it and so too could have I then the poor man would have succeeded Hill obligates the poor man because Hill shattered the myth like that Mighty elephant who escaped he broke through that barrier he broke the 4minute mile and once H did it now made it possible for everyone else and that's what the is sharing with us and that is a lesson that applies to anything in life you have to have Heroes you have to have goals you also have to know that it takes a lot of work it takes getting knocked down Muhammad Ali got hit 1 million times to the Head It's ability to get back into the fight time after time that separates the real champions and that's a rule for success in life and I want to close with one last thought what happens when the elephant discovers that the Rope isn't strong enough and the peg isn't deep enough you like to know what happens it was Harford Connecticut 1944 Barner and Bailey parked the circus in that town and in those days they used to take the circus from town to town and they would open the tent this tent was this huge huge tent and under it they would put the three rings and that's where the circus would go anyway they parked the trucks in Hartford Connecticut they set up the tent and in those days they used to treat the tent with paraffin now as you know paraffin is water resistant but paraffin is also highly flammable in any case the show is on and at some point no one knows how but the tent itself caught fire flame smoke pandemonium people began running screaming yelling at the end 121 people died and when they began cleaning things up the trainer found the herd of elephants that had been tied up at the time way off on the side of the edge over there so the trainer brought back the elephants tied them up to the pegs in the ground and the elephants escaped they they just broke out so the elephant the trainer tied him again and again they just walked away you see what had happened was when the fire broke out the elephants were tied they weren't ready to perform yet people were yelling screaming smoke fire the elephants forgot and they just escaped they ran away and from that moment on the elephants could not be tied down to the peg in the ground they found out the secret the peg is too weak the Rope isn't strong enough and baram and Bailey had to retire that entire herd they had to bring in a new herd of elephants because once the elephant learned the trick it never could be tied again folks would you like to know what is the most powerful empowering beautiful feeling in life it's when you set a goal and you reach 70% 80% of it you feel a sense of empowerment you feel wind in yourselves you say to yourself wait a minute I set a real goal and I I reached it maybe I really can be someone and you start growing you start accomplishing like that Mighty elephant you discover you don't have to be whatever you don't have to just go through the motions like every other human being in western civilization you could challenge yourself you could demand from yourself you could tap into your talents and when you do that you live a very different life you discover the secret that Hashem gave you strengths and abilities you set goals and you reach them granted you fall granted you're willing to take the punch you get back in the fight you get back in time after time you grow you live a life of meaning of purpose a beautiful life and you become a great human being Hashem grant us the wisdom and ability to put this into practice again I welcome you to go to the sho.com or Theo app you can download the marriage seminar as well as the rest of the content we also have CDs here the 10 really dumb mistakes that very small couples make they they're available for um what's word free free free they're available for free um there's also car magnets and if you want you could buy the marriage seminar come all the take your okay this okay thank you very much