Vayetzei: Strategy for Adversity

Dear friends, welcome to this week's virtual dasha. This week we have the incredible privilege paras and as the name of the para indicates vet of Jacobu left the familiarity I would say the safety but it wasn't quite a safe place for him of the familial home to venture forth to his mother's family to the house of Lavan to find the wife. Now of course there's much backdrop to this story because of course last week's par we have the entire episode with the blessings the birthright. So Jacobu wasn't just going for a shid was going because his mother told him your life is in danger. Your life is at stake. So the Torah then goes on to tell the incredible story and it really is perhaps one of the most dramatic stories in the entire Torah. Jacob goes to Lavan meets Raal then marries Leia marries Rahul. The trickery and chicainery of Lavan the beginning of the birth of the family of Yakov. incredibly dramatic and in general when we speak think about speak about the life of Jacob. So remember kazal tell us that each of the each of the patriarchs ded the particular prayer in the morning in the afternoon and now of course we know it doesn't literally mean that as we have it in the rather refers to time of day and the commentaries point out that the association between a particular a particular patriarch and the time of day in which he prayed is not by accidents in the morning because aabino really lived and really initi iated the dawn of monotheism was the bridge between his father and his son. He was ma that bridge and Jacobu ds at night is because Jacobu's life more than his father more than his grandfather was filled with incredible adversity and although again a has his challenges and adversity and has his challenges adversity and again we all know that in life it never makes sense to compare one person's suffering to another person right there's there's there's always someone who's suffering more but just because someone is suffering more doesn't minimize or doesn't take away the pain or the difficult of my challenges. But yet comparatively when we look at Yakob Ainu's life compared to his father and his grandfather, Jacobu lived a very tumultuous existence from the beginning. Even if you think about it, even from the time that he was in Uro last week's parro, the struggle with Asov already began in the womb and continued enemy after enemy, adversary after adversary, difficulty after difficulty. This was Yakavinu's life. His life to a very large degree was a mas was an evening prayer. Nighttime representing time of uncertainty, difficulty, sadness, tragedy. This really was the life of our third patriarch. In fact, if you fast forward a couple of weeks when Yakabino meets Parro says to him, you know, like how old are you? And again, it wasn't just like how old, it was like a how old are you? You look so weathered by the difficulty and challenges in life. Yakovu says that my years have been few and difficult. Yakovinu had a difficult life. But one of the great things that we learn from Yakovu is how to weather life's challenges because pretty much anything and everything that a human being could suffer through Yakovinu suffered through he had it. He had it. He had just all a whole host of challenges and difficulties. Yet he remained standing. And so somehow embedded [clears throat] in Yakob Ainu's life is the formula for us to meet our own challenges. And I think that the Torah already tells us Yakob Ainu's formula already the beginning of this week's par. I want to draw your attention to a fascinating P. So remember this is the beginning of the parall. has just left the familiar home venturing his way to the house of and it says so it's actually a very strange p like rashi has tremendous commentary on this but literally again he happened upon the place what exactly the place is bay whatever it is different time but he happens upon the place he goes to sleep there because the sun went down. He took from the stones of the place. He put it around his head and he slept in this place. So again this is chapter 28 verse 11 the second in the para and then afterwards the Torah tells us it's in this place after this whole introduction that the Torah tells us that Jacobu had his dream and this is the dream where again he dreams he sees the ladder with the base on the earth the head of the ladder ascending into the heavens the angels going up and down the ladder and it's here that communicates with Yakov for the first time assuring him I am the God of your father I will take care of you I will see you through All of life's challenges. Incredible. But one has to ask why the Torah feels the need to give us so much detail in the introduction. Yakab happened upon the place. He slept there because the sun went down. He took from the stones. He put him around his head. Right. Just tell me. Just tell me. He had a dream. Really? That right? We would seem to be that's the ic of all this had a dream. Tell me what the dream is. Get into the substance. Why do I need all of the introduction? And I think perhaps is telling us about how to deal with adverse or difficult circumstances. Sometimes in life you come upon a we come upon a place. There are circumstances in life that we do not [clears throat] choose. We don't choose viol means I'm going to be stuck in these circumstances for some amount of time. You know there are realities dear friends in life where I find myself in a situation and no matter what I do at least for now whatever now is for the foreseeable future whether that's an hour or or or a year this is my circumstance these are my set of circumstances this is my situation the sun has set I am going to be in a difficult circumstance for the foreseeable future there is nothing I can do to go ahead and change my circumstances. So what do you do? What what what do you do? And again the the detail sometimes you come to a situation in life where you cannot change it and it's difficult. It's dark. There's nothing for you to do. You're going to be there for the foreseeable future and you can't change it. So what do you do when you find yourself in this type of situation? Take from the stones of the place in which you are surround your head. Secure yourself. Settle yourself in this place. In other words, lean into it. Sometimes when you find yourself in circumstances of life that you cannot change that this is going to be my circumstance no matter what I do. You know, there are some things in life where you could change your circumstances. And then there are other moments where you can't change it. The sun is going down. This is where you're going to sleep. This is where you're going to be. So, what do you do? The Torakosha tells us, lean into it. Lean into it. Embrace it. Accept it. Yes, these are not the circumstances I want. This is not the situation I want. And yeah, sure, I'd give anything to change it, but I can't. So what do you do? Own it. What do you do? Lean into it. What do you do? Take from the stones. Take from the building blocks of the circumstances in which you're in and make it your own. Surround your head. Surround your life. Surround your body. This is where I am. And this is where I'm going to be. At least for the foreseeable future. Whatever that future is, I would love to change it, but I can't change it. So instead, I'm going to own it. I'm going to lean into it. I'm going to surround myself. But in the midst of all that, the Torah then goes on and the Torah says, "But you have to keep dreaming because although there are circumstances in life that you can't change and there are situations in life where things are going to be difficult for the foreseeable future and there's nothing you can do to change that right now. Step one is lean into it. Own it. Make it yours. Accept it. Stop expending energy trying to change things that you can change. Stop trying to wish things away that can't be wished away. Stop saying to say, "Oh, I thought my life was going to be like this." When it's not like that. This is what it is. Lean into it. Own it. But at the same time dream and remember that at some point sometime some way somehow things will get better things will get different things will change hold on to your dream what's your dream what's your dream for the period of time when the night ends what's your dream ultimately again for when that light right when the sun comes up what's your dream for yourself for your future What do you want to do when the difficulties pass? Who do you want to be when you are still standing? When the dawn arises, what do you want to do? He dreamt right now. The latter, the base of the ladder is on the ground and right now I'm stuck. I'm mired in these circumstances. But the head of the ladder extends however high I want it to go. Whatever you want for your future, whoever you want to be, it's still possible. It's still attainable. [clears throat] You see, the difficulty of overwhelming circumstances is that sometimes not a we refuse to accept them as our reality. And we fight and we fight and we fight. And the fighting and the effort and the expenditure of effort doesn't change anything. Instead, it just makes us exhausted, disillusioned, and disappointed. And we also forget to continue to dream for what's going to be after the period of darkness, after the difficult circumstances. Because at the end of the day, the dawn will rise, the sun will come out, there's a tomorrow. There's a tomorrow in Tasham. There's a future. And I have to dream and I have to plan for what that's going to be. And so dear friends, it turns out that as we are introduced to Jacob Ainu on the run, Jacobu who is about to encounter the most difficult chapters of his life, I guarantee if you asked Yakov, Yakov, what do you think it was like the most difficult thing he would have told you? Oh, Asa with the brahas fighting with Asro, Yakov probably thought that the most difficult chapters of his life were behind him. That he was going to escape the turbulence of the home life and go somehow, I guess, to the tranquility of Lava, and the tranquility of Karan. And little did Yakabinu know that the most difficult and overwhelming periods of his life were in front of him. They weren't behind him. Right? This is going to everything Yakabu was about to encounter was going to look like child's play based ba based on what was ahead of him. His past would have looked like nothing compared to what the future had. Yakov didn't even realize it. But little did he know that he was already developing the struggle muscle, right? He was already developing the coping mechanisms. He was already developing the the the behaviors necessary to be successful in life. And it's those same behaviors that worked for Jacobu that worked for us as well because Jacob was going to come to difficult circumstances. The sun was going to go down and he was going to be mired and rooted in those circumstances for the foreseeable future. And teaches us that when you find yourself and the sun is down and you're going to have to sleep, they're going to have to stay there. Take the stones of where you are. Take embrace it. Embrace it. Accept it. Lean into it. Don't rage against it by take this. Take the realities of your situation and put it around your head. Accept it. Lean into it. Make it yours. Embrace it because you're going to be here for a while. But as you lean into it, embrace, accept the difficulties of your present circumstances that you can't change. Dream, dream, dream, dream. Don't give up on the dream. Don't give up on the future. Don't don't resign yourself that just because this is my circumstance now that it'll be my circumstance for the rest of my life. No, dream and dream big. And even though the base of your ladder right now is situated and mired in the difficulties of your present circumstances, there's no telling what you could accomplish and what you could be in your future. This was the life approach which allowed Yakov to encounter, embrace, lean into, accept, and then thrive through despite all of his challenges or because of all of his challenges. And if we can embrace this same beautiful Yakavino mindset as well, this same strategy, the same life approach, then no matter how difficult or dark the night is, no matter how overwhelming the circumstances may be, the day will come where we could ascend our personalistic ladder of growth to the heights of beautiful accomplishment. Wishing everyone a good night of Shabas and a beautiful Shabas kesh.