Echos of Rashi Ki Seitzei 5786

It's parshas Ki Teitzei, but it's also Elul. And Elul we're hunting for chuva, which is sometimes elusive, authentic, heartfelt, genuine, soul-searching chuva. And sometimes we deal with symptoms. Even when we set our minds and our hearts towards authentic, genuine chuva, it's so easy to find symptoms and to try to solve them. But it's like weeds. So you can just cut them from the surface, but if you don't get down to the root, you rarely eliminate them long-term. Ya'azov rasha darko v'ish aven machshevotav. We're looking not just for the chata'im, but for the derech, the road. Factors, environmental, psychological, personal, cultural, whatever they are, they constantly lead us back to cheit. How do we find the root and uproot rather than the symptom and just cover it with um Tylenol? So, interestingly enough, parshas Ki Teitzei provides a story, yefas to'ar, which the anatomy of cheit and why we sin and how we respond to our urges and our desires. And embedded within a Rashi is a basic understanding of how we create halos and fantasies about issues and the temptations that shouldn't be as strong as they are. So, the first Rashi is well known in parshas Ki Teitzei, divrei Torah k'neged yetzer hara, the Hakadosh Baruchu understands human nature, the stress of war, human needs, and in a very provocative halacha, instead of banning yefas to'ar, banning those needs and urges, the Torah redirects them in a way that's halachically framed and halachically validated by the halachas of yefas to'ar. So, that in and of itself reminds us that sometimes when we locate our urges and our desires, so sometimes we want to try to eliminate them and expunge them and cancel them, but very often it's about finding other outlets for them. Not necessarily the outlet of yefas to'ar, but understanding what our needs are and dealing with them as we grow through life and go through life. Sometimes it's eliminating them and sometimes it's managing them and finding healthier ways to express them. >> [clears throat] >> But it's clear that the goal of the yet so are is that this marriage shouldn't last. This result tell us if it lasts then it's likely to lead to a hated wife and a loved wife and to a so or a more of the series of yet so are hated wives and loved wives and bonds no are and then of course ending in the tragedy of so or a more of the goal is as the Torah writes the goal is we're trying to get to a point where this man loses his attraction and his interest in this non-Jewish woman who he took in battle in the middle of battle. And there are steps that are taken. She has to grow her nails which in at least in certain cultures is unattractive. She has to take off her very attractive tempting clothing that she probably wore to the battlefield in order to entice soldiers from the other from the other side. So she has to she's presumably going to be mourning her father and and her lost culture that she's been taken from so we have a similar But there is one phrase that Rashi highlights. She should she should sit in your home. Well, where else would she be sitting? Of course, you've taken her into your home into your family. Of course, she'll be living in your family as the as a toxic provocateur. So Rashi says the she should sit not just in one of your houses off or in in the frontier in the forest and annex that you have but in your house that you're constantly living in walking through you walk in you walk out and you and you encounter her you know you see her crying or you see her less attractive condition going on love so that she should be something which is unattractive and repulsive to you and hopefully you'll discontinue this very toxic and dangerous relationship. Rashi is helping us address the anatomy or more precisely, the psychology of sin. What is the psychology of sin? Well, that's a hard question, a complex question, but very often we create fantasy around objects, people, ideas that make them seem larger and more attractive than they really are. And we, to use a modern expression, we Photoshop them. And what leads to fantasy? Well, certainly the stress of war and wartime where men feel stress and feel fright fear and and and and tension. So, we can find ourselves being attracted to to to find a release for that pent-up energy, the release for tension, and we find ourselves in similarly stressful situations. Stressful situations, psychologically stressful situations, are some of those dangerous moments cuz we fall prey to our weaker impulses. We fall prey. And it's a synthetic environment, wartime. People are seen in ways that they aren't when they're under the duress of war. And it's not just the war, but she's from a different country, and sometimes distance and makes things feel exotic and more attractive. It's not the humdrum dreariness of our day-to-day life. And very often we find ourselves chasing people, chasing ideas, chasing desires because they appear to us in ways that aren't realistic. Fantasy can never survive the sobering effects of reality. And when we see things as they really are, rather than as our mind plays tricks on us and make us see in ways that are intensified or exaggerated by fantasy. And fantasy is a very deep psychological need for escape, for something else, to break the monotony of our routine. And if we understand that about ourselves, and we ask ourselves, "What if I strip away all the layers of fantasy and assumption?" So, what would happen if the object of your fantasy, let's say the person, whether it's a hero, whether it's were they were to walk in the room, they It be like you and me. And you would be less attracted to them than you are certainly in a world with dresses them up with ornamentals and creates larger than life imagery and larger than life attraction. And that's part of what's happening with the fast hour. This man saw this woman in battle. She was from a different country. She wasn't Jewish. Something exotic, something different, something not part of our day-to-day. And he was so attracted that he took her into his home. And that could create many, many potential hazards in his home. So part of it is trying to I would say stack the deck and make her seem in ways that are unattractive. Long nails, crying, different types of clothing. Part of it is Rashi says, "Just let her sit in your house and you'll see her as she is, a human being like anyone else. No more attractive, no less attractive. She cries like a human being. She breathes like a human being. She gets dirty like a human being. And all of a sudden this cold shower of reality can wipe away some of the intense temptations of fantasy sometimes creates for us. So the takeaway for us is as Khadija was here, what sins do we commit because we're led astray by the temptations of fantasy that dress things up and magnify them more than they actually are so that they exert a pull and a sway on us in ways that they shouldn't. Shabbat Shalom.