Chayei Sarah: No Place for Sadness

Dear friends, welcome to this week's virtual dasha. This week we have the incredible privilege of paras. And although the para of course is called the life of sis, we know of course the para begins with the tragic episode of the death of the matriarch Sarah. And although was privileged to live till 127 years old, a long life. The reason I say tragic is because as Rashadesh points out the juxaposition of aitzk the binding of Isaac the willingness of to sacrifice his one and only son the willingness of ye to sacrifice himself juxtaposed to the death of Rashi quotes the medish that says that it was the knowledge finding out about the aa that somehow was traumatic foru not somehow was understandably tragic form her soul leapt out of her body and as such we see The end of an age, the end of an era, the first of the matriarchs, Sarenu, who together with her dynamic life partner, Armabu, created a foundation, the foundation upon which we built to this very day. And the Torah tells us that upon the passing of the second par second in the parish of chapter 23:2 died in which is in the city of came to go and eulogize her and to cry for her. Abrainu again a loving beautiful life partner. Remember again a s this was no ordinary marriage. This was no ordinary couple. Have to understand that Abram Ainu understood that Sarina was his life partner to the point that even after S was barren was was infertile for many years a never brought up the idea of marrying another wife to S. It's important to look at the it was said to Aravi come take take Hagar as a wife might be built up through her. It's interesting. Armainu never had this idea of taking another wife because Armavu S is my partner. That's it. If we're going to have children, we're going to have children. If we're not going to have children, we won't have children. But whatever it is, it's S and I together against the world. Whatever we have to do, it is the two of us. It's such a dramatic part. It's a it's a lesson in partnership, a lesson in marriage, a lesson in building a life together. Whether it's good or whether it's difficult, whether it's happy, whether it's sad, whether it turns out the way you wanted it or dramatically different. Either way, this is my partner. This is the person who will be by my side through anything and everything. And therefore, when loses his life partner of Salvich points out that amazingly enough, we don't really see any more dynamic activity on the part of Armabu who's everyone right everywhere doing everything. And once Saru dies, it's really so to speak kind of the end of the Armavino era as well. He marries offk he goes in and gets remarried himself at the end of the parish. But that's really it because with the death of the death of his life partner came a certain loss of a piece of himself as well. And therefore the Torah says again confronting this loss of comes to eulogize and to cry for incredible. What's even more incredible is the very next gets up finished crying finished eulogizing and he goes to speak to ultimately again to to Ephron excuse me and to negotiate the purchase of the burial cave that would become the burial cave not just for Sah but for all of the patriarchs and matriarchs. What's striking about this is the immediacy of it. This was a profound loss as you just mentioned a profound a loss for the world a loss but the loss for armu was enormous you know in general in general the kazal say which literally means one is not dead except for his wife which is kazal's way of saying that the person who often feels a loss in the most acute fashion is a spouse and it's a dramatic idea because you know as much as tragic as it is for well we shouldn't compare loss every loss is tragic but the loss of a life partner Kazal understood is acutely tragic this is the person I started out with this is the person I built a life with maybe even built a family with and now that partner is gone I expected the rest of my life to live out with this person we had so many more dreams goals and aspirations and now I'm here to fulfill them all by myself and especially as we mentioned before for armu how traumatic this must have been and yet how much time is devoted to morning tulogizing via one, two, three, four, five words. Half au comes to eulogize to cry for and then next gets up gets up and he goes to negotiate again. It just seems like a very short amount of time and we just would have thought that given the enormity of the loss ultimately would have spent more time and the Torah would have spent more time on the eulogies and loss. By the contrast, for example, for example, go to the end of Bcious when Yoseph dies. Now granted, Yoseph was a monarchial figure. Yoseph was the second most powerful man in the civilized world. But the Torah spends an incredible amount of time speaking about the mourning for Yoseph, the loss of Yoseph, the forese. And yet again here when it comes to and comes to eulogize to cry for her done gets up begins to negotiate and the says something so beautiful not commenting on this per se but commenting on the dynamic of life and he says something amazing. He says, "There are things in this world that have a particular time and have a particular place." For example, food has a time. What does this mean? When a person is younger, growing, they need to eat more. I get older, I need to eat less for sleep, there's a time as well. Now, you would have expected the kusker to say, "Okay, what's the time for sleep?" So the time for sleep is at night, right? The person who wants to sleep at night says no. When's the time for sleep? In the grave. In the grave. [clears throat] There's plenty of time to sleep in the grave. Okay. A little bit overwhelming. In the grave, you could sleep as much as you want, as late as you want. No problem. But the Kuska says, and again, this is the theme for everything in this world. There's a time and there's a place. So there's a time for sleep, there's a time for eating, there's a time for working, there's a time for learning, there's a time for davening, there's a time and a place for everything. The says with one exceptional when it comes to sadness, there's no time there's no time that is appropriate for sadness and there's no place that's appropriate for sadness. Why? Says the Nothing positive comes from sadness. Sadness is like an infertile field. Nothing could come from it. Nothing could grow from it. And dear friends, what a profound and incredible insight. There is a time and place for everything in this world, says the Katuskar, with the exception of sadness. Because the only thing that sadness yields is more sadness and despair. The only thing that sadness creates is a sense of hopelessness. And where there is hopelessness, there's a profound sessation of dynamic activity. Therefore, says the katkar, there is no place and there is no time that is appropriate for sadness. And by the if you think about this, it's really incredible. You say to yourself, but that's not true. That's not true. There are times we're supposed to be sad, right? For example, again the nine days and dear friends listen to the words of right what does the Mishna say when the month of a comes what do we do we diminish our joy it doesn't say we become sad because says the katkar there is never an obligation to be sad more than that not only is there not an obligation to become sad there is no [clears throat] place there is no time for sadness because sadness ultimately katskar says load Nothing productive comes from sadness. Nothing germinates, nothing germinates in the self-defeating soil of sadness. Nothing good comes from atsos. All it yields is hopelessness, is darkness and a sensation of dynamic activity. And perhaps perhaps that's what's happening over here. You don't think Arnov could have lost himself in this loss? You don't you don't think he could have just crumpled down on top of his wife on top of mourning by her lifeless body wondering after everything we've been through after everything that's happened and again especially if you understand the narrative as Rashi does that the death of S is somehow linked to Akasitzk you don't think Arino could have lost it just just just crumpled down just just almost like roll up into a ball of sadness rocking back and forth, so convulsing his body, the loss of his life partner, who was going to help him build, who was going to be his partner, who was going to help in the in in the in the in the raising and maturation of Yeitzk wasn't a child, but he was still young and still needed his mother. A child always needs his mother. A husband always needs his wife. A people always need their [clears throat] matriarch. And it would have been so easy for Arainu to fall into the clutches of atmos of sadness. But Arainu made a dramatic decision. I'm not doing this. I'm not doing this. Of course, my heart is shattered in a million pieces. Of course, I feel this overwhelming tidal wave of sadness. Of course, I feel like a world that was once filled with so much light is now so much darker for me and my family. Of course, I feel that way. But I can't succumb to it. I can't give into it. I can't allow the emotion of sadness to define my life reality. From sad, nothing good, nothing good, nothing positive ever comes from sadness. Therefore, Yes, of course you have to mourn. You have to mourn. And there is that period of sadness that must be observed. But after a little bit of mourning and after a little bit of crying, then says it's time to get up. It's time to do it's time to work. It's time to accomplish. I need to purchase a burial cave and then I need to continue forward with my life and with my mission. And dear friends, what a profound and overwhelming and incredible life lesson. There are no shortage of reasons for no shortage of reasons for sadness. We all have it. We all have it. Whether it's loss because we lose people that we love or whether even it's not loss, we all experience loss in different ways. I thought my life was going to be a certain way and then something happened that derailed me or I I I thought that circumstances were going to evolve and to ultimately come to fruition in a certain s a certain way and they're not and I'm disappointed. We feel feelings of loss because our health sometimes dictates new realities. Our parnosa dictates new realities. Relationships that I thought were going to be in a certain way didn't quite turn out that way. my career is not what I whatever it is we all experience loss in different and profound daily ways and therefore we are all tempted and there's sadness there's sad whenever you experience loss the reflexive reaction to loss is sadness but in that moment of loss I have to make a decision will I allow myself to be engulfed by the waves of sadness or will I say yes I feel sad but I need to get up and I need to move myself forward. In those moments of sadness, in those moments of loss, we have to make an Abrahamic decision. Do I wallow in it and allow myself to get lost in it? And when that happens, as the says, just know when you allow yourself to fall into the clutches of sadness, you are investing in a field that cannot produce any vegetation, any crops, any produce. Sadness is that infertile field from which nothing else will come. Or do I choose to cling to the strength of my ancestor, to the strength of my father? Sometimes you have to make a decision to get up, dust yourself off, say, "Of course my heart is broken in a million pieces, but I'm not going to sit here and wallow in it. I'm not going to sit here and allow it to envelop me. Instead, I'm going to get up and I'm going to move myself forward." I don't know of you who made that choice. And because of that, we are here today. And if we're able to make that choice, there is no telling what we could do for ourselves and for future generations as well. Everything in this world has a time and has a place except for sadness. Let us find the strength to of course mourn our losses and then find the strength of Mabinu to get up and to move ourselves forward. Wishing everyone a good night of Shabas and a beautiful Shabas Kesh.