All About You - Rabbi Yaaqob Menashe

the world I know can be difficult we all know that the world can be difficult and sometimes we wonder why it's that way and why people are the way they are why aren't all people nice after all we feel that we deserve that people treating us nicely so let people be nice to us also why they why are they taking advantage why do people sometimes scowl why do they not smile at all times and so on and the question is what can we do to make them understand that they have to behave better so that the world will become a better place people can be harsh sometimes you will say that's even an understatement not everybody but they can be sometimes it can be very harsh and we want to make them understand that they have to be different how do we do that and the answer is the title of the lecture it's not so much about them it's all about you that's what we're going to look at today how we can change the world with kindness that's how we start changing people then it comes from us that it originates with us and when I say you by the way don't exclude me I'm part of that okay we're in this together so if you want to make life kindly earth more friendly it means that we're not fully happy with it correct otherwise why would you want to make it better if it's perfect why would you want to make it better and I think most people want to make it better so that means we want to make it a little better because we're not a hundred percent happy with it by that I don't mean that anyone feels they want to leave the world right now I don't think anybody once said everybody wants to have a long life a healthy life but we want to somehow make the world better that we don't have so many pressures and so many tensions and so many people aggravating us and all the different things that seem to happen in life so we want to overcome some of the trials and tribulations where the world doesn't treat us as well as we feel it should be treated yes especially when we have to deal with people for partner so we have no choice we have to deal with them and they're not so pleasant to us maybe they're downright nasty but we want people to be different we want health we don't want help to go wrong we want should the theme to go smoothly and we feel that maybe when things don't go so well it's a little bit unfair all right you're not alone in thinking maybe a little bit difficult a little bit I don't worry unfair is the right one but not the way we would like it to be there is of course the famous skimmer I narrabeen famous for two and a half years two and a half years a mind beetle L the houses of Shammai and the house of Hillel were Nick la·cu they were debating they had a difference of opinion they went back and forth not for one session for 45 minutes maybe an hour certainly not ten minutes two and a half years they discussed whether it would have been better for a person to have been born or better if he had not been born and I think we know that after two and a half years him know when I'm row they counted and they concluded that he's a big haha me big ha ha Meem deciding whether it would have been more no more pleasant better had we been born or not born and these ha ha Meem the houses of Hillel and Shammai counted and concluded it would have been better not to have been born but now that we've been born if a fish by massa we have to look closely at all our deeds what on earth does this mean what are we saying here I want to explain this to Derek Machado how does if I email our shell on the Holy Benish hi says in his holy work been a yahoo it gives us a story the story about a king who lives in an amazing city the Arab irani the capital city of his kingdom is an amazing city it has everything you could possibly want everything in plenty it has food it has Gardens it has water it has flowers it has everything you could possibly want to say nothing of the arts and the culture whatever people are into it had everything however one of his country's one of his lands somewhere else was giving him a hard time and he had to send a couple of his servants to that place now that place epitomized everything that was horrible awful there was a lot of disease the people were downright nasty the weather was terrible it was hardly any food there on the shelves you know that's a big deal I remember asking one of my somebody who used to work for us many years ago they come from the former Soviet Union and I said to what was your first impression when you came to America since we walked into the supermarket and there was food on the shelves that was an impression that never left him so we can imagine what this place was like it was almost desolate but the people were nasty and there was disease that people were getting sick people were dying on the streets and the King says to two of his servants I have to send you there because you have to take care of the matter he says and I want you to know you're gonna be there not for a week or two you're gonna be there for seven years but I know it's difficult but at the end of that time you do a good job you're gonna come back here and i'm going to give you amazing properties and the states to live in amazing palatial homes with streams running through them and i would take care of your every need forever it will be amazing but first you have to go and do the job for me so after a long arduous journey these two servants arrive at their destiny they are horrified but nevertheless one of them rolls up his sleeves and starts doing the job that the King wanted to do his friend refused he sat down and cried and lamented and complained and he said this is the most horrible experience I can't stand this this is awful his friend who was working since why you doing this why don't you just you know knuckle down and do the work he says what are you talking about do you know how horrible it is here he says I agree with you he says but we're here since we're here we have to do the job right so why don't you do the job and think about what's going to be after seven years and the prize that you're gonna have and his friend said I don't care about the price I would rather not be here and not get the prize as friend said to I hear that don't go through this and don't get the prize however you are here and you are staying here for the full seven years in which case you might as well get down to work do what the king is asking of you and get the prize because if you don't you'll still suffer through this it won't be any better and you'll have nothing at the end of the day you're right how many tell us it would have been better had we not been born but we are born so we have to knuckle down and do what it is the rock adarsh borrow who is telling us to do so that the promise that he gives us that at the end of our lives in all I'm a bond it will be something amazing in my family the whole concept of attitude instead of saying why are we here but rather saying you know we're blessed thank God we're in this world thank God we have this thing that we have that and thank God for everything else and when's it come from it doesn't come from me and it doesn't come from us it comes from and I shall on the road beneath and after she after she left this it became a big deal when I say two big deals in such a big deal then because she was always doing it it's enough that one person's to me that always looking at the good always looking and how wonderful things are always again how people are doing for you how blessed you are evil she was totally sick she was so blessed she was so blessed she was so blessed now that she's not doing that anymore we're trying to pick up the pieces and do the same thing we're not as successful as she is but we're definitely trying to do that so she had this incredible love of everybody else and gratitude that she showed for everybody else and then to everybody else and those of you who know where and many of you did know that that's exactly correct now which comes first it's the chicken and the egg story we're put in this world and we see this a lot wrong in this world there are people are not behaving well with us there are people who are not doing what we want them to do on the other hand if we have a good attitude it's going to be beneficial because then we're going to be able to do what we have to do and then hopefully get reward for it I want to read you something that I saw in psychology today I don't usually hang out there but this is something took me there I was written by a lady called Amy more'n who is a psychotherapist and an author seven scientifically proven benefits of gratitude she says the following while it may be hard to entirely avoid self-pity mentally strong people choose to exchange self-pity for gratitude and here are some of the benefits you've got to hear this showing appreciation can help you win new friends this was a 2014 study in a an emotion whatever that is there any psychologist here forgive me I'm sure you know what it is the study found that thanking and new acquaintances makes them more likely to seek an ongoing relationship when you meet somebody and you show appreciation to them or thank them that person wants to continue the relationship much more than any other way so whether you thank a stranger for holding a door or sending a thank-you note that acknowledgement can lead to new opportunities I want to tell you a little story about opening a door many years ago I was in bar park on 13th avenue with with my wife and i think one of the kids was in the stroller so that's going back a few years and she went into some store or another i don't know what she was on 13th avenue and you know they have Russians working at the door when you go on they open the door for you so he opens the doors just thank you she goes in takes care of whatever she wants to do she comes back to go out and he gets up he opens the door for her and she's going out presumably thanking him again he says to her you know why I came back and I opened the door for you when you were leaving a little surprised she said no why he said because when you came in he said thank you now a couple of things I assume that once people in the story didn't bother opening the door for them anymore you know they were in the world you know he woke up the video for the door but the other thing is what does that mean somebody opens the door for you and people are not saying thank you I was shocked and she was shot we have to be very careful that we don't do that gratitude or worried about health improves physical health can you believe such a thing grateful people experience fewer aches and pains according to another study published in personality let's go to the next one gratitude improves psychological health that I think we can appreciate because you feel if you feel grateful you feel better it reduces Envy resentment frustration regret a gentleman by the name of Robert emmons and leading gratitude researcher conducted many studies and he confirms that it increases happiness and reduces depression look at this you showing appreciation to another person which is what it means and letting them know that you appreciate it makes you feel better you it's about you what you're doing is making you feel better not what the other person is doing they can be doing the same thing it enhances empathy and reduces aggression great grateful people are much more likely to behave in a pro-social manner even when others are less kind of this was a study by the University of Kentucky and study participants who ranked higher and gratitude scales were less likely to retaliate if a person was grateful if somebody did something to them which wasn't nice they were less likely to feel all I gotta let him have it and a decreased desire to seek revenge which of course is one of those emotions of the Torah forbids forbids make it easy on yourself show gratitude you won't have to fight that emotion so much look at this would you like a sleeping pill grateful people sleep better there's another study published by Applied Psychology spend just 15 minutes jotting down a few grateful sentiments before going to bed me will probably sleep better and longer I want you to know one of my daughter's my youngest daughter was in seminary in Israel she called me the other day last week and she said you know I'm looking around she says you know things were hard maybe for her it was even the artist because she was the youngest and she said you know things were very hard she says but I look around me and I look at some of the others here and I see how difficult that everything is for them she says and I feel so blessed she says you know one I said what this is her mother's influence don't look at me she says you know what I said one she's I've decided every night before I go to bed I'm gonna write down at least three things that I was very grateful for that day I said god bless you this is the most amazing thing I'd love to hear some of them she called today I said have you started doing that I thought you said no I changed her life she said yes sit it's amazing gratitude improves self-esteem this was published in the Journal of applied sport psychology in gratitude increased athletes self-esteem and that means they performed better that means they did their job and that means the same for you and me if we have gratitude that increases our self-esteem everything you do in life depends on your self-esteem if you have self-esteem when you do a job you will do it better whether it's selling something to someone whether it's leading the congregation whether it's giving a lecture whether it's I don't know polishing a car it doesn't matter if you have self-esteem you will do it better and you will play sports better it increases mental strength not only reduces strength I'm sorry stress but also plays a major role in overcoming trauma this was a study published in behavioral research in therapy they found that the Vietnam War veterans with the higher level of gratitude had lower rates of post-traumatic stress disorder that's astonishing just because they were more grateful they could overcome the terrible trauma that they saw whether they were in the trenches or wherever they were it's it's mind-boggling it's a major contributor gratitude to resilience following it was follow the terrorist attacks on September 11 people were able to say I'm very grateful and thank you we're able to get over seven September 11 7 11 that takes a little more to get over but September 11 that is just just unbelievable our job our job is to show kindness to others in other words what do we want we won't be able to show kindness to us yes but first our job is to show kindness to others by the King David tell us well I'm hey study buddy it's all about kindness loving kindness that's how the world has to be that's how the world is built it has to be built but it sounds lofty to us build the world on kindness on love how are you going to do such a thing I mean we're ordinary people with our humdrum lives we're going to to build a world based on love and loving kindness there's a story told by moran 40 hi leo on our Shalom in the brain or define that I actually quoted maybe about a week ago in one of the Torah minutes that we put out every day I'm hoping most of you here get the daily at or a minute if you don't please sign up or read them online at eight or a minute calm and it was one that I would like to share with you it's about a man a very simple man who had a stall in Jerusalem in Mahane Yehuda mahane yehuda most of you know is the shoot is the is a shook in English marketplace thank you I like shook so much better or as you guys say shook ok shook all right so he had a stall there but this I imagine was many many years ago many years ago and I want you to know my experience many years ago with my honey oh that was terrible it wasn't like it is today those of you who saw it then I remember my parents taking me when I was young you know now it's all paved it's got roof except the roof see except in the middle that may in passageway in the middle is open but the decides that covered it used to be all mud and dirt and if it rained there was no cover and your shoes got filthy dirty and your parents the bottom of your parents got fulfill early i hated going there maybe went that twice as I'm not going back there anymore and then once some years later when I was studying there I went on air shabbat to get some bread and those days nowadays sometimes they give you little little plastic bags they call nylon bags they give them to use but those days they gave you nothing you have to take your own bag and I didn't know that and my Hebrew wasn't that good and then use the wrong word for bag and that guy starts screaming at me in front of everybody know they love screaming / they shouting you you walk down the stairs shouting the show he shot him it's the way they do business the shelves who's gonna screaming me I said I'm not going back there that's it don't talk to me I'm not going back my beloved wife after we got mad one day takes me there said was not such a bad experience you know it's getting a little better and stuff like that so now I go there but I'm sure this was in the old days and this guy had a stall where everybody was and there was shouting and screaming but this guy was a super nice guy he didn't shouted anybody he spoke quietly he spoke nicely he sold herbs and spices that the people used for medicinal purposes they small small teeny weeny amounts and people rights to go to him because he had the reputation of being a very honest individual and nobody likes to be you know it's a walk away feeling I I think I was cheated there nobody likes that feeling here they didn't feel that way so what would he do people would come and they wouldn't want a little bit of this herb a little bit of that spice whatever he would have scale with two I don't what you call them in English what the plates you know whether they okay whatever it is so on one side he would put a little paper bag that he would put the spices in and on the other side he had the weights now thing is this yeah the scale but what are they too would okay whatever it is so that doesn't matter you know what I'm talking about it let's that have a dividend discussion about this all right so he puts a little paper bag on one side of the scale that he's going to put the spices in and he has the weights on the other side but wait a minute for you me that's fine but he said that's not honest they're buying the spices not the paper bag so he would put a paper bag with the weights to counteract the weight of the paper bag on the other side you and I would argue but you are paying for the paper bag you're also getting a paperback when I said no they want thee they want though they want what's in it and that's what he did and when he finished he went then take a little more of the herbs and spices and sprinkle it in just to make sure that they had plenty his logic was that if he would do so God would be would watch him and do the same with the Jewish people that even if they didn't deserve it God would give them a little more what we see here is that a very simple person can help build the world with love and kindness and by the way this is a very very important concept because we know that God does Judge US based on how we behave with each other this takes us the very famous commandment in the Torah one of the most famous Commandments in the Torah so well known in fact that many of the religions claim that it is they're saying they don't even know that it's written in the Holy Tehran what am I talking about I'm talking about the one that would be a famous essay kolangal but Dora you know what I'm talking about he says this is a major role in the Torah rubia FIBA said of course I'm speaking about where I have today aha como ha you shall love your neighbor as you love yourself and debris hyeme it says this is the same commandment as what Hillel said you know the story about ll the man goes through two Shania and since I want to stand on one leg and you teach me altura he says get out of here I'm gonna smack you with this so he goes to hillel this is I'm gonna stand on one leg by the way you know what I I'm sorry I'm digressing but you know what i read about standing on one leg i read that it is a sign as to whether a person might be getting Alzheimer's in the future they say if a person can stand on is on one leg for more than 20 seconds without any problem that's good if they can't they should be checked more regularly for you know potential of having strokes which is what usually leads to it it's astonishing anyway I practiced after I read that thank God I pass it in any case no no please everybody sit down don't try it right now alright so this guy goes to go stale Ali says teacher the whole tour on what is the hell I'll tell him we know what he tells me says don't do to anybody what you wouldn't want somebody to do to you and this is he says this is um this is the whole Torah this is the altar ah he says the rest is just peruse the rest is just explanation going wrong what does that mean it doesn't mean that this is the hotel you already have to do that and not worry about the rest no you go learn then you learn all the other things but the concept is that this is cullet or akula this is this is the basic concept in the Torah so in the brim with high it says this is actually the same commandment as well haha come over the difference is the way it sittin where I've thought it out how come Oh ha it's a positive commandment it's a mess what I say whereas this is the opposite is a don't do don't do this don't do to somebody else what you wouldn't want them to do alright so now we have here this very very important concept in Judaism in fact the nations of the world are borrowing it from us that we have to love each other like we love ourselves it's actually very difficult you have to have you have to have confidence in yourself and you have to have self-esteem if you don't have good self-esteem you will have difficulty thinking that another person is a good person it was said the camera of you by moth then rebbi akiva who said that this is a Kellogg at all but Torah this is a very great rule in the Torah it is said that he had 12,000 pairs of disciples I'm not telling you anything you don't know 12,000 pairs of disciples pairs they would learn together its twenty four thousand disciples and they all died at the same time why the benicia lo na boo kapone zealous a because they didn't give each other honor they didn't teach didn't treat each other with respect wait a minute it doesn't say it doesn't say they used to steal from each other it doesn't say that they used to go around murdering it doesn't say that well anything of the sort it says they didn't treat each other with honor or respect one or the other however you want to translate couple as a difference of opinion is still when they actually died that's also one of the reasons why Sir fry them don't listen to music till the 34th day of the omer that means 34th day a few days not sure what day it is right now my mind is not focused on it and also that is why ashkan azim listen to music from the 33rd day of the omer because of the slight difference of opinion but everybody agrees with this basic concept now they didn't treat each other with respect but they were incredible tummeda haha me incredible tell me the ha ha Meem who are not liars and cheats and murderers and the like and twenty-four thousand of them had to die how do we explain that it's isn't prepare both but the world stands our lamo made our shadow shadow bear him on three things meaning three pillars and those three pillars are Torah which is chassidus Torah a Buddha which will translate is serving a Kadosh Baruch home and give me Ruth hustling doing loving kindness for each other how many pillars does the world stand on three if the world stood on four is conceivable that you could remove one and the world would still stand but the world stands on three pillars take away loving kindness take away gimme Ruth has a team and the world will collapse the world cannot stand if either is no Torah or no a Buddha or no game Ruth has a team that is the seriousness of this transmission and we know that God deals with tummy they haha me much more strictly than he deals with the rest of us but that is that is the reason for it this is not something small this is the leaders of the Jewish people removing one of the pillars on which the world would stand and a Kadosh Baruch who obviously said to himself I cannot allow my world to collapse on account of it but there's an additional question Rashi says that these are there there are two kinds of Commandments or Commandments between man and God and man and his fellow man so why is Ruby happy by saying that this one of the behavior between man and his fellow man why is this so great one interesting explain is that when it says right AHA laughter AHA this is referring to God which we see from Ashley so this refers to a kadosh morrow who when we say that you should not well I'm today I how come Oh how you should love your red haha we're saying your God that's one explanation like you love yourself what this is saying is that God is saying don't go against what I tell me I've told you to do don't go against what i am saying because you don't like it when people go against what you say we should think about that we don't like people go against what we say and what we want them to do so God is saying don't do that to me however one would think putting that aside that the killer got all the really great rule should be how we behave towards God surely that is more important psychological batura what's the clown Godot how we behave to God not so much how we be able to each other okay that's important hello Shahu Oreo loudly creator of the world surely that's more important what do we see however God says I don't accept your prayers on Yom Kippur till you have appeased your neighbor that's very big we've sinned to God and we come to God to ask for forgiveness I don't even talk to me I don't hear from you first and foremost rectify the wrong that you've done with your neighbor get his forgiveness another thing God says is I destroyed my home the Holy Temple only better m'gosh because of you because you didn't get on with each other there's nothing on baseless hatred wait a minute can we imagine that concept for one moment that we would turn to somebody and say I'm so upset with how you behave with your neighbor I'm gonna come and burn my house down you think we have to be out of our minds but that's what God is saying God is saying how you behave to each other is paramount so we have to be very particular not only not to put down one another but to be good doing on each other to complement each other and not feel that because of some inadequacy in ourselves that we feel something's lacking in ourselves that we're going to put down the other person so that will feel at least there's no no good and no better than I am I want to tell you something that I believe that is very grab your attention but bear with me I believe it's my belief that if a person is systematically nasty to another person systematically tries to take another person down for whatever reason the person who's doing this he may not be shomer shabbat he may eat turret he may be show me a lot he may be a big tummy haha he may be keeping all the Mossad the ones that we see anyway my belief is that any Jew who systematically tries to take down another person does not believe in God I got your attention now let me explain a little more I'm not saying any time a person since they don't believe in God not at all let's try and put sins into three categories you'll tell me Reverend is a lot more than three categories I know yeah I know too but my mind can't hold more than three at the moment so we say this one kind of sin where a person is walking along the way and something just happens and he does something and then he regrets that he feels terrible about it he tries to to rectify it or ask God for forgiveness in no way am I saying that that person doesn't believe in God not in any shape or form that person can believe totally in God moment of weakness what could we equated to a person who's a good person goes into a store and for some reason nothing straight puts something that's on the table for for sale in their pocket they get caught or they don't get for it but they regret it as soon as they've done it and they they rectified the wrong however it has to be taken care so we're not saying that is in this category at all that person can be a firm believer in a Kadosh Baruch the second kind of transgression is one where a person may repeat it am I repeated for a long length of time that's not there it's not to do it to be nasty about it the person is addicted to it whatever it might be like someone is addicted to drugs they don't want to do it they see it's killing them this is destroying their lives they've tried to stop it they're going to rehab the secondary actively taking the drugs again they can't stop it since a day and it's driving them crazy because they know what's happening to them and they don't want it but they can't stop so there's that kind of sin also we definitely cannot say that that person doesn't believe in God because he's repeating the sin if he can't stop he can't stop hopefully he's trying it's trying hopefully I got those powerful will help him and he'll get the strength to get over it but there's a third kind and that's a third kind this Third Kind is when a person feels that the other person is in his way what does that mean his way in terms of getting a promotion of work in his way in terms of making a deal which will make him a lot of money in his way that person gets a lot more tell me demon assuring it could be anything but the person can't stand it can't take it and he systematically tries to take this guy down by saying bad things about him spreading rumors about it or doing things that will just generally make it bad for the person he's not addicted he's not it's not a one-time thing my feelings and you could have disagree my feeling is that person cannot possibly possibly even if he does all the masala tea how can you believe in God and constantly do this should we see a shipment never need to meet God is always there if you believe in God you know God is there you have a weak moment okay a weak moment but then you get over that weak moment and you say I can't keep doing this but if a person keeps knowing this he wants to put the other guy down he wants to stop the other guy at all costs that guy in my humble opinion does not have God in his life he may have or may not have external appearances of having but it is not possible a person has to say God is there God is in front of me we're not parole saying who is God when that Pharaoh with the Jewish people we know who God is we have to have him in front of us at all times you always have to have him in front in front of us to me at all times if we do that it is not possible to fall into category number three number one yes it is very possible number two yes it is very possible but in my humble opinion number three is not possible that if we constantly have got in front of us and believe in a collage wahoo that will not happen let's not forget as long as we behave a certain way with our fellow man after a long life God will behave with us in that way I'm thinking for the positive but it could also be for the negative all right I'll still heavy duty I'm going to sit down someone else wants to give her the rest of the lecture okay so making the world a better place means being nice to being complementary and not to those you need something from only because you want something for them I'm gonna do something good you tell them it's good you showed you appreciate it but everybody even people you don't know and even the pork it says in separate fellowship in a yahoo you see it's going on in the kymaro hose we're rebellious awaz ill understand media mrs. disciples gathered around him and they asked him to teach them what they needed to do in this world in order to get a llama ba in order to get the world to come and he replied that they had to honor their colleagues you know it says the Granada Andy that obviously we have to honor our teachers but we also have to honor our colleagues Ruby honey not tells us he says that he learned a lot of Torah from his teachers but even more from his colleagues listen we can all relate to that you go to a school you go to you see me go wherever you go the teacher is teaching and you're learning but you learn much more by interacting with your the other students and talking back and forth and understanding that's what you really learn so therefore yes you should treat your treat your teacher with utmost respect but should also teach your fellow student your colleagues in life with the utmost utmost respect you also have to teach your treat your employees with a lot of respect and complement them make them feel good as historian to hahaha I'm by ha hum i am faladi allow us alone he tells the story since he had a dream he had a dream one night about a very wealthy individual from the town who had died about a month earlier this this town is mere I guess because he's from the town of his mere in Turkey and he was a great how far as we know this wealthy man was one of the wealthiest men in the town had died and he came to him in a dream and in this dream this wealthy man was wearing amazing clothes shesh Ramesh she's so clothes looking absolutely wonderful and a handful RG asked mrs. what did you do that you merited this great honor obviously we standing there in this dream looking fabulous there must be something good he answered that he merited to receive or llama by the world to come so ah-hum Falacci wants to know how come he says because he didn't treat his servants harshly and he's a very wealthy man he could throw his weight around he said he treated them with the utmost mercy never making their responsibilities too difficult now look this was a dream dreams can have some truth in them but all dreams have something that's not true in them or it could be just a dream that's not you know not telling you anything just based on something that he was thinking about earlier during the day soham Falacci says I have to investigate this because he obviously felt it was something in this dream but he needed to know more and he wasn't is gonna take it at face value so he went and he must have asked people who I don't know maybe he's former employees maybe his family maybe people knew them he goes them and ass and tell me about this man tell me and what he found out was that it was absolutely true he behaved beautifully with everybody and he never caused any kind of suffering or placed a burden that they couldn't carry to his servants but he dealt with them as he said mercifully this I think is clear proof that the way we deal with others is the way that others I'm sorry the way that of Kadosh tomorrow who deals with us you know I've mentioned how you should deal with your colleagues your teachers your people work for you there's one more category and that's the poor the poor Susan Ben yada if you greet a friend it tells us in the morrow brah both of you if you greet a friend and he doesn't greet you in return you know what the commercial says about him he's considered to be a robber so haha nice and I'm a llama Shalom says if you don't return the the greeting of a rich it's not such a big deal why because there's 100 people always greedy that you know is rich guy yeah how are you today yes sir three bags full sir yes oh it's very nice yes can I help you with this your visit maybe I'll get something out of it so it's not a big deal if you don't don't greet the rich he doesn't notice but the poor on the other hand he says people scorned them people look down at them not only that not only then the word if they say something in the guy say could you help me I need some money so the guy runs away from them doesn't want to have anything to do with them he says you have to be very very careful to return a poor persons greetings life has ups and downs everybody goes through it if ty if the time is shining for us the sun is shining and we see somebody else who is not doing so well we have to learn from that and we have to be good to that person we have to be nice to that person we have to treat that person with respect if they do something for you you have to show them gratitude if they do something that is good you have to compliment them we must not be like a person the story I'm about to tell you the story about the eben ezer was the great Haram a Brahma veneza I love Shalom and like many of the great haha Mimi had good times in he had bad times we spoke about her BF ki bara be occupied some very very hard times he had some amazingly good times and of course we don't want to talk about how he passed away being one of the I said I how to live my booth one of the ten martyrs most horrific end dear benezra was at one time very wealthy and of course the great Hakam so everybody wanted to invite him to eat at their table all the rich people in town would invite him they would come and would be great honor for them to to have him come whenever he came there were no invite other ha ha Meem and other wealthy people to all come to the dinner that they prepared in his honor unfortunately the same people were honoring him when his mizelle was shining shunned him when x took a turn for the worse it was so bad that he didn't even have enough food to eat one Friday he was desperate he went to one of the rich people's homes where he had been many times in the past when he was wealthy and things were going well for him and he had to beg him and say is it possible that you could give me some food to eat with you on Shabbat now this wealthy man I guess turned up his nose he looks at the event is ruined rags and he tells the servant you know what put him at the end of the corridor over there we can't have him eating with us with my wife and my family we can um you know because i thought the ship on all day she was supposed to be a delight we can't have this this man in rags coming and sitting with us and upsetting us for shabbat the man was obviously very very upset and he decided to do something about it after shabbat was over he went after me thanked him profusely and said by the way i noticed that you have a wonderful daughter I suppose you're looking for someone to marry her he said yes she's an exceptional person but it's hard to find someone of her caliber it's very very hard he says tell me what are you looking for he says it has to be someone who is very special both spiritually and physically because she's beautiful and she's a wonderful person the image as a system I know just such a man I will bring him to you he went out looked around he found a labourer a man who was hacking stones on the mountainside very tall very good-looking and he said to him can you take a few days off work and come with me afterwards he says you're gonna be very rich you won't need to work anymore I look so nice is ok he says but I'm warning you don't open your mouth don't say a word ok so he you know freshens him up make him looks makes him real good and they go to this rich man's house and he says what do you think oh he's handsome he says that's right just but why isn't he saying anything this is oh he's very holy he's doing time is the bull so the rich man says how am I going to test them this is don't worry I want you to prepare a room for him a private room just for him and he must have a lot of Safari I'm a lot of religious books in the room you ask me the question I will go I will get the answer from him and I will come out and tell you okay so yes the question difficult question he goes that he comes out with the answer another more difficult question same thing he's really impressed you advise all the ha ha Meem of the town to come and they all come and they're all asking questions they will as it runs into the robber runs out again with it with the question so at the end of this when everybody agrees that this is the right person for his daughter he calls his daughter and says take a look at it what do you what do you think oh and he said tell me the harm we salute let's go let's go so as soon as they can they organize the arrow see that those days I didn't do the whole wedding on top on one shot the first day ever see later on the rest so they've planning to intercede and they have this big big celebration all the all the rich people of the town all the ha ha Meem of the town everybody comes and they all meet him and how me my talking to him and he's not saying anything at this point I mean was saying to the father there's something wrong here the father goes up to the young man he said why did you cheat us to me I didn't say a word so he went to the evidenza he said why did you cheat us it's all your fault it's my fault uh-huh it's all about you it's your fault when I was rich you couldn't wait to have me at your table now that I don't have any money look at how you treat me is it you know i'm sorry i was wrong i'm sorry forgive me i'll try and make it up to you but what do i do now is an embarrassment even as I said to him go ahead with the wedding go ahead with you ever seen and I promise you I will teach him and you'll become a big target ah hum in fact that's what happened I've heard it said that the way you treat a difficult friend is the way you treat your boss that's how you have to treat them and how should you treat this difficult friend the way you treat your boss ignore his behavioral lapses praise his accomplishments praises accomplishments that above all avoid telling him that his brain is not functioning properly if it's good for your boss it's good for your friend I hope that we will learn from this that really it is about us we want the world to be a better place we have to lead by example we have to be happy with ourselves we have to be grateful that we're in this world look at all the positives that I Kadosh Mario who is done for us all the mercies that he's doing for us and do the best that we can in this world and really really look at the other person in admiration because everybody is doing something positive in this world look for it compliment them on it and hopefully that's it who that the bush world who won't make us wait here much longer but will bring us two coming up ma chere Centeno they've come before Abby I'm a Noah Henry so no matter