Abandoning Sin while Tempted by Sin Shaarei Teshuva 1:49-50 with Rabbi Aaron Dovid Poston

[Music] shari truvakora guys if you can just mute yourself a little bit oh you got the book great just make sure everyone's on mute good okay so those who don't have the safer i do always recommend getting one in the reforeshalema right in the continued health good health for rabbi pinto pinto his hebrew name is yoshiyahu yosef bin zakri and a dear family friend yonatanichesko ben eris that patok shark holy israel they should all have a quick and consistent health right refuse labor we are in short aleph it's true it's we're almost at the end i think next time we meet will be the end now we're not meeting next sunday so as i was mentioning we are in paragraph 49 i think that's all we're going to cover today so towards the end there's only two more paragraphs left till the end of so we're not meeting next week because next week for us in jerusalem is still purim so afraid of kapoor to everybody and uh we'll meet in two weeks time and biz rather shem will be able to finish shah alef shah rishon in the meantime we're on the 19th principle i just want to remind everybody that they're really three main principles in chuva but the rabbina yona breaks it down to 20 let's say bite-sized steps in order to help us really accomplish truva and this is right just before the end this is like almost the crux of the matter right we're getting like a crescendo you know there's like a beautiful orchestra and we're seeing all the different instruments and we're feeling the the vibe you know so bazrat hashem i will be sharing a story i want you to hang in there and if you don't if you you want to go fast forward fast forward to the end i you know i get you so if if you ever heard of the benishkai ravi yosef khayyam of baghdad right he he died about 100 years ago he lived over 150 years ago and he was one of the greatest kabbalists he lived in iraq in baghdad and he was one of the greatest kabbalists that ever lived here's a picture if you're familiar with this particular picture this is the standard picture i don't know if it's a real picture i imagine it was right they had uh pictures he died in 1909 right he he was born in 1835. i don't know if they had cameras back then in baghdad but there's anyway it wasn't as a newborn he's definitely an adult okay so um he writes on the egotis not only you know but that was one of the main ideas in the gamora in the talmud that he brings down is very mystical now what he's going to speak about is more of a story and i'm not a great storyteller but i found this story absolutely fascinating and i said i have to share it now it is a little bit as we say i mean i say um v y s but it can't be it can't be b y s because it's the many sky's telling us in this holy saver of his so what's bys below yeshiva standards it's not at all it can't be but if you know what it means what i'm trying to refer to it's called adult talk okay so we're all adults right i even label none of my videos are for kids even though kids could watch them um but it's not for children um per se because i don't get in any trouble with youtube in case we say something that and get a strike against us so keep this in mind it's for a mature audience only the story that is let's begin so for those who have the safer that we're using we're on page 115 it's the 19th principle hatisha asser right the 19th principles like this it's somebody right they they um abandon their sin okay but what happens with his domain but he's confronted once again even though he abandoned his sin she he they abandoned their sin and yet the desire is still intense to commit the sin again so there's a famous gemara in yuma 86b it describes what it's really a question how do you know you're about true right means master the truth is it also means husband right the husband called mister right probably mister came from master but anyway so the governor says like this with regard to repentance the gemara asks what are the circumstances that demonstrate that one has completely repented in other words if they went through all these steps whether it was just the three the three major categories we spoke about right karate sort of regret right a vidue a confession and a ziva committing never to do it again or the 19 steps we went through so far including tonight the 20 steps all together i really went through them all i think i did how do i know i really did how am i sure how am i absolutely 100 sure and that's going to be the story of the venice kai okay but one second let's start with the gamora so rav yehuda said for example a prohibited matter came to his hand the first time and then a second time and he was saved from it thereby proving that he's completely repented okay it's a little bit vague but we get the idea now number three number the second thing is ruby who's actually demonstrated so it's the same rav yehuda who said it came to your first time and then a second time and you were safe from it you didn't commit it again he demonstrated it's going to be very important the word we'll see in hebrew also demonstrated what he meant now what does it mean he demonstrated so that's where the benice kai explains what exactly is this demonstration if he has the opportunity to sin with the same woman he sinned with previously not just use your imagination doesn't have to be this particular sin it doesn't have to be a man with a woman it could be a woman with a man it could be a kleptomaniac right it could be a bank robber it could be anything right pepperoni pizza whatever it is he had the uh he if one has an opportunity has the opportunity to sin with the same woman he sinned with previously at the same time in the same place so basically he does list the martin list three things same woman same time same place but really what it means was everything was aligned as it was the first time when the person sinned but this time he overcomes his inclination this is the proof that his repentance is complete and he is forgiven i mean that's an amazing statement how often does that even happen now i want to tell you there is an opinion there is an opinion by the in the clear car and i've checked it out with good olympians make sure that i'm reading this correctly he definitely seems from all readings his claim is that the person is actually putting himself in the same position another time which is mind-boggling because if it was yehud being along with a woman how could you ever do that however we will see there's another gemara going to talk about um and it describes this what is who's greater that's someone who never sinned or about right there's a different gamer altogether who's greater someone who's sinned and then let's say achieve this level versus someone who never sinned at all so from the gamer itself it doesn't seem like there's a conclusion but from all the forcing all the commentators seem to agree that the balchu is actually greater why because he worked on himself he overcame whereas the sadiq gum or the complete right completely righteous person never had these desires never had the inclination never even fell right but who's a real psychic one who falls seven times and gets up keep this in mind because one of the ideas that we have been pondering is when we sin we get depressed and we get down on ourselves we'll wait till you hear the story i mean this guy wants to kill himself i'm telling you you can look at it all but ultimately he comes out like an angel okay and this is to build your self-esteem after you have sinned so if the baal trudeau is actually greater than the tsatikamura the actual words are that exotic gum work cannot stand in the place of a balchuva what does that mean how can it means he can't stand in the place according to the clear car means that he cannot go into that room to be alone with the woman whereas the bauchuva actually can in order to go through these motions of showing that he is completely over this situation nobody seems to agree that that's the reality but nevertheless that is a thought within the clear car and we're going to really go into these ideas deeply here so let me just read some of the hebrew what we're talking about in yuma 86b the rabbis have taught us about teshuva who is a master of repentance who is a genuine balchu now those words do not appear in the gemara so the commentator here in this slaver thinks that rabbino yonah put it in it could be maybe in a measure somewhere but that's interesting that the chuva actually reaches the throne of glory meaning it's completely accepted by god and forgiven that's for sure what it means how does one reach this level when he's been tested at the same stage of his life that's important when it comes to sexual matters because apparently the older you get could be very old i don't know and some sexual desires are weaned or are weakened but let's say it was power right maybe the older you get the more power you want i mean i can't imagine you know but i do know there are people who are you know running for president sometime they're in their 70s you know and uh you know maybe power absolute power corrupts absolutely so don't think that the oh that it has to do with age i i'm using age because he mentioned at the same same stage of his life in the same place with the same woman meaning the same stamina the same physical stamina in order to have this if we're talking sexually uh but anyway uh to to you so what would we say we're saying the same stage of your life the same place the same woman who he had sinned originally and he emerged clean from the test great return of malmo what did what did the sages want to say what is the gemara trying to tell us that the sin came to his hand meaning the possibility of transgression who took ethiopia but he overcame it he conquered it with his with his good inclination while he's i'm sorry while his while his evil inclination was very strong but he overpowered it and this is another example perhaps symbolizing sexual temptation but he still had the same strength in the muscles of his abdomen when the original sinned who covers her but he overcame it and he he was saved from the sin because of this idea ready you're at hashem because of his healthy awe and fear of god which means um is he realized how amazing hashem is how great uh hashem is so that's why not because he was gonna fear that he would get caught or lose you know get sued in court or anything like that but strictly because of his awe and fear of god and that's going to play an important part in where we're going with this so that's going to be what we're going to call the ultimate level of trueva i'm kind of excited about reading this uh benishikai but we're going to have to wait based on the above it would seem that if a person never again confronted the same temptation an opportunity so then you would never know in other words the gamora gives you like a clear sign if you want to know you're about true of it you mastered it so you're going to be in the exact same position same situation everything lines up and you don't do it well what are the chances of that really happening i mean everything is picture perfect right exactly no i don't know unless you orchestrate it we'll see wait till you hear what the many sky has to say but you are in a little bit of a dilemma because we do like to be assured of something so he mentions already 117 not everyone is placed in that situation but roberta yon is going to give us um advice so guess what most likely most likely you will not be in the same exact situation with the same one with the same desires and everything the same so what should you do well misha low his damian liyada indian is that it didn't occur to you it just didn't happen so what do you do how are you going to know that you actually conquered yates 100 your soul into you into your being the fear of god david yambyomo every single day increase a little bit that's the sure way because who says you're ever going to have that situation fold for you come out for you the kasha yacht leaves then by your increase of fear you're getting to the point that even hashem would know right that if you were ever confronted with sahara of course this guy hashem looking from his abode right he knows you more than you know yourself and you're working on yours hashem that he knows right and you know as much as you could possibly know that if you ever confronted with it you for sure would not fall again with it meaning that this power this having all the year the the fear and all is sufficient for you to be able to control the most intense uh temptation that would ever seize you and it's all in potential because you never got to actualize it okay hello lovely boss who y'all being the so at that point someone was talking about hashem he's the one who examines hearts he'll he'll be the one who understands and the one who guards your soul he will know he will know what he is that if you ever do get into such a situation a test the agility indiana richonne and everything lines up like the first time yatsu nashumiyat then you're certainly going to be able to save yourself because of you know you overcame yates [Music] so not knowing or not being in that exact situation this is the best way to assure yourself that you actually um your trouba will be accepted and stands up to you know the highest level of doing truva there's a very long note i do believe that it's important to discuss it um let's do it so earlier on in paragraph eleven robina yona stated that the second principle of truth is called forsaking sin in other words having the conviction not to sin again requires the person to resolve with his entire heart it has to be like you have to be honest with yourself and you have to know this is it's in your deepest gut that you will never repeat the sin again now obviously this means you must make a sincere resolution that you will truly intend to fulfill i just want to turn this off real quick okay so in other words it's between you and god you know you have such conviction of course it's only the the real test is yet to come but it may not come but you know in your heart you really forsake this sin so just forsaking it alone with regret and vedoi it does compromise the elementary stepping stones as we said for chuva um but here the robena yonah wants to get across is that if one increases his fear of hashem to the point where hashem knows that he would not sin again even in the most compelling circumstances he has attained the pinnacle of truva the highest possible level clearly this is the greater level than that demanded by the earlier principle just forsaking the sin so just for satan's sin that's fine that's nice but this is beyond remember that's why the rubena yonah puts 20 steps he really wants to break it down to um you know bite-sized pieces for us we thus learn that although forsaking sin demands sincere resolution to not repeat the sin the principle does not require that each one reach the level where hashem knows he would never sin again rather requires that the person be serious commitment and try their hardest to avoid repeating the sin if god forbids someone ultimately fails so does that mean your truth wasn't accepted the first time no not necessarily it's all in the heart if you really sincerely convicted yourself not to do it and we're talking about real honesty here it's only between you and god there's nobody else right it's between you and god so if you end up falling again it's a new sin it's not compounded to say oh see i never really did true but the first time now if i sin thinking i'm gonna sin and then i'm just gonna do trouba that doesn't count that's not gonna work there's a detriment to that concept because that you're not even being honest with yourself nor are you being honest with hashem so he says if he ultimately fails that does not negate the truth he did for the first sin it only means he should do true again and must try even harder this time but even the failed resolution counts as a resolution still it still meant something provided it was sincere when he originally took it okay that's all the part i want to read from there other obviously more important other important things but i really want to get to the story of the banisteri king solomon said in 1606 of proverbs now we've discussed these verses before but and we're drilling them in with loving kindness and truth right in hebrew because then your sin will be forgiven but it's the latter part we didn't focus on on yet and that is and with the fear of god because this is what we're talking about if you you don't know if you're ever going to be in that situation where you're going to be exactly in the with all the variables lining up so what's your best thing to do is build the year at the sham all the time and the word sur mera we usually think it means and then as a verb you will turn away from evil in other words if you build up your year uh your or that will be like the energy that will help you turn away from evil no he's going to describe the actual or of hashem is the removal of the evil and that removal of evil guarantees you perfect repentance for for your past deeds and that's what he wants to prove so he brings this verse as i just said vms hashem truth and kindness to the truth kindness and truth sin will be forgiven and through fear of god turning from evil turning from evil perush what does it mean the verse means according to rabino yonah that sin is actually forgiving you through the kindness and the truth and also through fear of hashem that is actually powerful enough to make a person turn from evil if it should ever confront you in other words the building up the era is the guarantee that if it ever would have if you ever if all the variables would line up you're guaranteed you're not going to fall for the sin and now he proves it he says the word sur is makur now i don't think it means noun but it means a root form as opposed to a verb so he says so the word sur which means to turn is a root form that refers to the concept of turning from evil so it's a concept that's why i don't know a better word than a noun but if you know what a concept is not a verb that refers to the act of turning from evil so the verse describes a level of fear of hashem which actually the fear itself serves to turn one away from evil not the avoidance of evil and practice we're talking about the concept the eid al-ha peru and as proof or testimony for this explanation mashallah omar vasur means and he's going to bring other verses where it says vasur and it means and and therefore that and means and the verb of turning like i'm doing right now turning right no it's a concept and he's going to prove it through other verses i just read his own words the proof to this interpretation is the fact that the verse does not say this sort of love which would mean and turning from evil but rather it says sur which means to turn from evil there is a comment here and i think we might as well read it it's number nine if the verse would have said the years hashem right and the fear of god and turning from evil if it would have had the above so then the verse would have meant that sin is forgiven through attaining fear of god and then actually turning away from evil when confronted with it if that were so a person would never be able to reach the ultimate level of juva unless he actually was tested in the same circumstances as the original sin and withstood the test but the truth is the verse doesn't have the verb it says years hashem sumira the fear of hashem turns you away it already gives you all the power to be moved away from evil even within the it doesn't come to you thus it means and through fear of hashem to turn from evil without the love is the root form of turning and in this context means to turn accordingly the verse teaches that sin is forgiven when one acquires enough fear of hashem to potentially turn from evil if ever confronted with it i hope this is clear at least the concept right the hebrew may be difficult to understand the nuances i i'm with you on that so let's continue he brings two more verses in psalms 34 15 it says shun evil and do good seek peace and pursue it [Music] so you see that turn from evil and do good as well as in job 1 8 it's just the last which words it's just the last few words of this verse now the lord said to the adversary to the satan have you paid attention to my servant job for there's none like him on earth a sincere and upright man god fearing and shunning evil it's your elohim this sar merah with the love so here you have another case where you have the verb in both those cases psalms 34 15 and job chapter 1 verse 8. the whole idea he wants to get across to us let's say in those verses those those two verses is expressed is to turn from evil when confronted with it but not in that first verse that we said in michele 16 6 right um one would never say turn away from this action except to someone who's about to do it you don't say don't do it unless it's right in your hands to do it similarly when our verse says that sin is forgiven through enough fear of god to turn from evil it means the sin is forgiven through enough fear of hashem that i just i just repeated something one second it means the sin is forgiven through enough fear of hashem to turn from evil when one is confronted with it the verse teaches that a person's sin is completely forgiven when he reaches that level at which hashem knows that if he ever was faced with the most intense temptation he would turn away from it if god knows that that means you're forgiven already and then we have this gamora that i mentioned already omra is the chronolog it says actually this is a different it's a measure different gamora sorry yosho belo alvarez mitzvah that if one sits and does nothing he refrains from committing a sin in heaven they reward him as if he did a mitzvah does that make any sense am i getting the mitzvah for not murdering anybody right now i don't think so do i have a desire to murder anybody right now no so why would i get reward in heaven ever my whole life right i'm going to die at 120 someday and i could i could turn guide hey you know i count all the minutes all the days my waking hours i should get i don't know a skyscraper full of reward for all the mixes that i didn't you know i didn't violate like you know murder i didn't murder anybody no it doesn't work like that so what does it mean if one sits and refrains come from committing a sin in heaven they reward him like one who actively performs in mitzvah kagon shabba davara verli yadav and nitsami menu it has to refer to a case where one is confronted with the temptation to sin and he by using the fear of god the all of hashem you overcame the temptation and you were saved from it and that is going to be the bottom line now with that here we go so for those who came on late i don't know everyone's here already here is the famous story i i just was i told you this is a little bit rated x it's a little bit i'm gonna do my best to keep it clean now what i did was it took me hours it's pages i translated about four fifths of it so i'm going to just read i think i should just just for time sake i'll stop and take breaths and explain but it's i'll try to tell it in a story because it really is and i'm not a good storyteller but i'll do my baddest okay and i'll start reading in english at some point i'm going to change over to the hebrew because the latter part i didn't i didn't write down but i i i have clarity i think i read it a few times so as the bani shai in bene ben yeho yada he always begins with the help of god i will explain and i think that's very humbling right it seems to me with the help of hashem hashem that there's a highest level of repentance and that is to be able to transform your intentional sins into actual mitzvahs now that is a crazy idea but that's what we learned if you do truva out of love so when you god forbids did intentional sins they're not wiped clean it's better than being wiped clean if you do chuva out of love your intentional sins become positives mitzvahs unbelievable right if you do true out of or fear i'm not all fear a lower level of fear not love guess what so your intentional sins become like accidental sins they become wiped clean which is not so bad right we're all happy with that but he wants to describe the difference in the highest level and the lower level so he says the highest level is to be able to transform the intentional sins into actual mixes in which a man becomes the master he's trying to talk about this word what's about teshruva we said about is a master it also means husband and he's going to use both ideas he's just describing what about truth is first before we get into the story and therefore the repentance when we talk about shuver that's the woman right there's a bow which is the husband baal teshuva the woman is the truther why because she gives birth now i want to skip to one one idea in in genesis chapter six verse nine that verse says and these are the generations of noah noah right the right way it says noah what do we need to know what are the todos todas means the generations these are his children no the generations of noah are his ma or his actions are the produce what he produces right yes your children are your produce but your actions is what your produce and therefore who the woman is the one that gives forth the children the woman it's just what's called the feminine aspect right the masculine part is the bow is the owner but the woman she is the one who gives birth and she gives birth to new merits just as the man gives birth to children from his wife so too these merits are called children just as the rabbi has explained you can look at rashi there in genesis chapter 6 verse 9 that it's talking about when it says no with god it means it means who who are the toldos it's his actions okay so what does it mean that the toldos of the righteous are their mitzvahs and good deeds which is not the case for the lower level true that's all on the highest level what about the lower level of repentance that only transforms intentional sins into unintentional sins in such a case he doesn't merit to have children there are no great deeds and actions that he produced if he's not about the shuva about one who's who makes a name for themselves as a master of repentance because that's what it means so he's not considered if he doesn't achieve the highest level he's not a master so we understand from the question how does one become about you remember the question was in the gemara how does one attain this level so it went through if you're in the same place with the same moment the same desires all the variables are the same because the bow or basically how does one become let's say a husband how does somebody come this master of repentance so we already explained the bow is one on the highest level and he's able to transform his intentional sins into actual merits or deeds or told those only then can he be called or be classified as her husband meaning truth be married to the concept of sugar and the next paragraph or perhaps we can explain in other words an alternative explanation when with the question the gomorrah says what is the situation how do we know how does someone know they're a master of repentance so in gemara barakas it says where a master of repentance stands a completely righteous person is not able to stand and i already mentioned what does that mean what does that mean it means that you're on such a great level that he can't stand in your shoes i did explain already according to the clear car he's saying that this balchuva can actually go places and do things that a right a completely righteous person cannot okay let's put that aside he says then the repentance is related to him and he's called the master of repentance in other words the the master of repentance stands where the completely righteous person cannot therefore it's it's me somehow it's related to him and he would be like like the husband of repentance is a closeness okay put that aside there's still to ask what is the meaning of the phrase rev rav yehuda demonstrated what he meant if with the same woman at the same time the same place so then asked what is this word she showed he demonstrated you go to a rabbi he tells you what he do he took his three fingers and he counted he said three ways right the same woman in the same place the same time same desire right that that's that's what he meant by showing him with his fingers so he says it seems to me that this was the question posed in the bait madras this is what we do in the bay midrash we ask all kinds of questions review did not respond with the words this is according to the banished he didn't say the same woman same time same place but he actually gave a demonstration he gave an example but the story i'm about to tell you that's what he did within the story you're gonna hear how it was with the same woman the same place same time same variables but this is how the banish kai this is what you do you go and you ask questions and your rabbi is going to answer you so he said about a story a particular voucher right this person has already have the title the label of about the sugar who lived in the south or southeast in which he expressed as an example of trueva of a particular person the person is never named to the story but it turns out very good okay he's about to over and this person committed the rabbis were aware of the repentance of this particular person of the sin that was committed with the same woman the same time in the same place alternately rav yehuda responded explicitly with words that demonstrated with his three fingers the outer finger the middle finger and the inner finger by three distinct parts they were used to explain malcolm isha and perek which are the hebrew words for place woman in time to push off powers of impurity that attach themselves to these three parts we're not going to go into the kabbalistic explanation right there but here will come the story in a few senses sorry according to the words of ryuhuda we require these three parts you know i'm going to skip that let's go right down into the story i will now write an amazing story to fill the words of khazal regarding a particular single student of bahr who was always trying to learn torah he was full of the awe of hashem he learned in yeshiva before a great wrath now we're going to talk about this great rav a lot so he had a great rabbi and he learned in front of him and this rabbi was wise and a man of great action now this student never stopped learning even for a single day and he was always early in the bateman josh and late to cut late to go home he never stopped learning for even one day however there was one day that this student knew that his rabbi wasn't coming for whatever reason maybe he had to go out of town for a business meeting whatever it was he the student knew the rabbi was not coming that day to the yeshiva so he went on a teola to use like a little day trip to the forest and he entered the most amazing large orchard a great orchard in order to methyl in order to go and walk about in the middle of the orchard there was a large spring and he describes in detail 10 cubits by 10 cubits and 20 cubits deep surrounded by beautiful trees there were all types of beautiful fragrances and herbs growing there and by the edge of the edge of the um there was like a shed a cabana a little bit of um like a little private area that you could get changed showered by the spring people could sit there they can bathe and they can relax and so i already mentioned you had the spring you had the cabana i mean everything was set the garden of eden was in front of you right the student was looking he was good it was actually very good looking and very quite handsome so after he sat by the cabana you know what a cupboard it's like a shed which was by the side of the spring in order to have a rest a a woman who happened to be a non-jewish prostitute appeared from now we're just going to say a zona who is also very good-looking and beautiful who also decided to go on a tulle through this orchard she saw him through the trees and she desired him and she approached him she acted in certain seductive ways until the eight sahara entered him and he lay with her in the shed which is by the edge of this spring they performed this act immediately there was a great feeling of regret you can imagine this is yeshiva right he got up and experienced tremendous confusion and he ran home he returned home he couldn't eat he couldn't sleep he couldn't do anything he couldn't function he couldn't eat her sleep um he couldn't eat the whole day couldn't sleep the whole night he cried and he mourned over the action that he had performed he consulted his heart about what to do how am i going to fix this how am i going to rectify this situation now he was quite wise so he opened the holy book right that's what you do that speaks about how to rectify such sins so he found there a tikkun a way to fix his sin by x amount of days of fasting and there were other things to do other afflictions one could do on themselves but it never dim down on his mind in other words it was still percolating in his mind all the possibilities and programs for remedy for the issue that he found in these books in the end he concluded the way to complete his tikkun he would walk the very next morning out to the place that he originally laid with the zona and he would say the krishna he would receive recite shema israel shem luke and then he would throw himself into the deep end of the pool and he would die there and he would fall in and nobody would see him and it would be impossible for him to come up he concluded in his mind this was the only way that he could atone for sin and therefore complete his tikkun for his soul now this idea then dimmed it went down from his mind and he sought anticipated the light of day to go there and to do something that will bring his soul great joy and satisfaction to his heart he needed a little bit of a break from his depression i guess so this is what he did he went right after morning prayers in the morning with such joy and passion back to the orchard he stood by the same shed the cabana by the edge of the spring in the exact same place that he lay with the zona the day before he began to say the shema in order to draw and pull and enter him to himself and then all of a sudden that zone from the day before appeared she had come as well to make it to yule to the very place the same orchard where she appeared to him right after he finished shema when he reached the point that he was just about to throw himself into the pool into the spring and she came from behind him and she hugged him and she kissed him and she said i felt in my heart that you were now coming to the orchard and i wanted to come and make love to you like we did yesterday the student was completely baffled what's going on here and he was greatly pained over what had occurred before him he hadn't completely considered what to do now what am i going to do because he said if i'm going to throw myself in he wasn't able to do that if he fell in she would this is what he said he played through his mind if i threw myself in she's going to scream and then like professional lifeguards are going to come out of nowhere and they're going to save me and then it's going to ruin everything i'm going to die right how do i be saved she'll scream what am i supposed to do so he felt by force to mamas leave this orchard and he would leave it right until the next day when he would get maybe he would go he would he would come earlier the next day while it's still dark in other words his whole plan got ruined because she appeared so maybe if i come earlier before it even gets light out she won't be here and i'll be able to kill myself but the zona was still holding him saying don't leave me he said i can't do anything now this is a great great line i can't do anything now that i'm in a rush to get home where i'm under pressure to deal with a very pressing matter she swears by the life of her father that she will not leave him until he lies with her again today just like she did the day before and he sees the boldness of her face that no words he can come up with will appease her she again attempts to seduce him to seduce his heart to draw him close meanwhile he broke the embrace with a lot of strength he ran he fled away he didn't want to lie with her or to be with her and he left the orchard but he didn't go home he couldn't eat anything instead now this is a little confusing because the way i read it it says he went to the shiva but later we'll see that he wasn't at the eshiva but anyway it says he said he went to yeshiva and he concluded in his mind what his original plan was and that's to get up early and go to the orchard before sunrise but it pains him greatly that he needed to wait so long i mean he really wanted to do this trivia properly and i have to wait till tomorrow morning like before the sun rises so again he he didn't know what to do with himself now it says in the meanwhile several hours passed by and the roshiva started teaching students that day so apparently he's not in the yeshiva because you will see the the roshiva sends his assistant to find him at home but anyway after the rough started the lesson with the students while he was sitting with the talmud in his hands the the the rabbi started drifting off and i don't know i've been in classes i have been where the rabbi is giving a class and his head goes down and nobody wants to interrupt the rabbi you know rabbis don't sleep much and what can i tell you i don't think it's ever happened to me but i you know if it did i my students wouldn't tell me right so it could be but this rabbi had a dream so you know what i love about hasidah shistorius and this is this is a smarty story but a story within a story they're the best so we've already gotten the story now this rabbi's teaching the class and his head drops and he's in the middle of a dream and we're not going to hear what his dream was amazing so he started to drift off and had a dream and the dream is amazing he was standing by a very large and great palace he saw from a distance this particular student in a valley near a spring and came out of the spring a long snake four uh four almost four cubits long the whole width of the snake was a whole cubit and it had three heads three heads the snake came close to the student to swallow the student and the student became confused by this whole thing mother rob is looking from a distance and he saw from the palace that the student removed a knife from a sheath in order to kill the snake before it came too close to swallow him he saw that when this new student went to stab the snake in the belly the knife dropped from his hand it became loose it was released from his hand it fell meanwhile he retracted he picked up the knife and he threw it and then cut the big head off the snake to kill him what came out of the snake poured forth a river of blood the rub was in amazement with what he saw how the knife was ending up being released from this kid's hand by the student and then he was able to pick it up and throw it and cut off the the head of the snake and kill the snake he was also amazed at how small the knife the small the knife was very small and it wouldn't really be long enough to kill such a huge snake however he was he was just um he saw the student afterwards raised his eyes to the heavens in praise and thanks to a champions barack all this the rav saw from a distance while in his palace and after this the rov woke up from his sleep the rug was amazed by his dream and he didn't really know what it meant he didn't have an explanation but he did understand that this student was experiencing great pain and that hashem did perform a miracle for him and actually save this kid so the rav called his assistant and told him to send to the home of the student a question the question was why didn't the student come today to the yeshiva the assistant went to the student's home and brought the student the student then came into the room of the rabbi and he saw the rabbi standing now what did the rabbi see this is amazing the rabbi saw this student with light surrounding his head from above the head of the student none of the other students saw this the rabbi saw it after the student student sadness place the rub asked him where he was until now and the student told him about his teal about his day the day trip the ralph said why is this day different from any other day you're always here you never give up you never negate your your total learning why did you you leave he says i demand that you tell me everything that happened to you because i want to tell you i had a great dream an amazing dream about you but i'm not going to tell you until you tell me everything that happened to you and why you didn't come um and i promise you i won't leave anything out okay so the student began to cry and he said i sinned i sinned as i mentioned today orchard the the carly and this and this happened to me uh and during the night i made a decision to fix this situation right the halaqi hyunda i went early to the um to the orchard to do my tikkun but then this and this happened to me the i wasn't able to complete what i had concluded in my heart and i left this until the following day my mind could not rest until i made my fixing and the rock both in zedaka but it was i was pretty fixated on doing it this way he got it and i tell you the rabbi i tell you all this i told you all the details now quickly i want to hear your story tell me the the the halloween that you had that was so good as you promised me so the rav got up and kissed this student on his head and he said to him lo tith you have no reason to cry anymore velota don't do anything bad to yourself you had all this you're going to drown yourself you're going to kill yourself you have no reason for that none whatsoever like you originally thought of our sorrow because the sin is already removed from you and your sin is already forgiven you shall you are totally complete um 100 complete in your fixing for this day because this and this is what i saw in my dream move on and he explained the dream as we understood it now that very thought that you thought this is going to be the most important thing the very thought that you thought of to kill yourself in order to save your soul to fix your soul also this was actually pleasing just the thought was pleasing to hashem but shem doesn't want you to kill yourself god does not want the death of man but the willingness you know when we bring carbonos right the ramban helm you bring a corbin you're supposed to say well that would that should be me i deserve this and that's it can you imagine just the thought alone i wouldn't you know give myself up to hashem we call the bit my wife and i call it the bitto program the beatles the beto program to negate yourself to that point that the merit of the torah that you learn and the merit of the thoughts that you thought in other words that you came to this conclusion in your mind to give yourself over will call to death now just keep in mind when when we talk about someone devoting their life to torah the passage we learn it from is when someone dies in the tent meaning we'll talk about another time but there's a past it talks about tahara purity and impurity that a person should devote themselves to torah that they're willing to i.e example give themselves over for to death for the sake of learning torah obviously hashem wants us to live but the thought alone the willingness that's enough unbelievable so he says that thought alone to give yourself over on the count of fixing your soul is actually what is protecting you and completes your tikkun in this way which you did today because it's from heaven it's from heaven this is what the rabbi's telling him that heaven declared right the satan is an angel of god it woken that woman up to meet you out there like i said how how are you supposed to organize the same woman the same place all the the guy was not interested and yet hashem orchestrated the whole thing for him he got the satan aroused within the zoner the desire to go to the to the orchard thinking she might meet him and of course she did lose the pardes right to waken her up to go to the same to the same orchard and the yetzahara the evil inclination which is that primal snake right the nakasha kadmoni that primal snake which um seduce seduced you yesterday and tripped you up in other words uk made you stumble with that zona it came back and it entered her this very day this is the nakhash the snake that i saw in my dream the rabbi saw the snake in his own dream and that's the snake that he saw but you baruch hashem you fought this very day with your yetzohara which is the snake in that very same place with the very same peric time but meaning with the same stamina with the same desires with the same woman but you you didn't allow it to overtake you ella after p even though she hugged you and she kissed you and she spoke words that would draw you into a relationship you overcame it and you released from your hand you released the situation from your hand and you ran away and you abandoned it see then those thoughts that you originally had to give yourself over to misa to death on account of this fixing of your soul transform it transformed towards your enemy that you're able to kill the nakhash the the the snake which is the yetzer hara baoto makom in the very same place in the same manner in the same woman this is the bottom line this is the power of thought just the thought alone the rabbi is telling the student that's the power of your thought that it's that knife that little knife that i saw in my dream that was released from your hand and you threw it and it it killed it cut off the head and killed that snake now already it's what is the masters that um destructive force is gone it's dead and you made via surah shalit mo that whole act that you did yesterday that was forbidden you transformed it you turned the average which was called a sin into a great merit remember when this young student walked into the rabbi's office his whole head was glowing with light and or as they say if that's permissible to use who can even judge you do you have any idea how much fixing you made for yourself in the garden of eden meaning for all eternity on account of this thing and as a proof for this he says this um this light that's around you that i see now zakuflamalam nirushka that somehow goes around your whole head that you have to understand my falling asleep remember that was like for him maybe he never fell asleep so he thought this was from heaven it was from heaven that caused me to have this drowsiness that i fell asleep um and that um in other words i fell asleep not in the right time wasn't like you know two in the morning it was the three in the afternoon in order for me to see this dream to tell you not to cause yourself any more damage you did the thought alone that's it you you're you're forgiven right as the verse said in and it was misleading 16 6 that your your sin has been forgiven um removed from you then so you're you're you're fixed and not only that ashrae of the ashrae how fortunate are you how great is your portion and the student was so happy with the words from his rabbi vameen now believed in himself oh no that his sins were fixed the the nitrates and that hashem accepted and was appeased by his chuva umass and now from this this is the conclusion of the banishchai from this you would understand the words of the rabbis right when they when rav yehuda says i'm going to demonstrate to you right the mekhavi is about true because that was the original question how do we know who's about truva and and you know he says i'm going to demonstrate to you and he just says the same woman the same place same time the the manish kai doesn't believe that was really what was said there's had to be a whole story and and that is what happened so i hope this brings a lot of joy to people who know that we don't kill ourselves we don't it's not it's not beneficial there is a point where one should feel they're willing to give their entire life over to god even when we say the shema every time we say the shema right right rebbe akiva gave up his life for the love of god so we should imagine ourselves i mean i imagine a a jordanian tank staring down a jordanian tank you know what i mean like it can go off at any second when i say the shema right we're talking about something more than that we're talking about obviously people sin but nevertheless we have to learn how to give our lives over to hashem so with hopefully this message is clear um we don't this any kind of um you know depression and affliction is not it's not going to be helpful and you can see just a second of a thought was enough okay and such see de shmaya such a tremendous assistant from hashem he's there for you he like we spoke about he carries you right the the the footprints in the sand right he carries you and we think oh my god i'm all alone no that's specifically when he carries you so this is an amazing story when i when i started reading i was like oh my god when's it gonna end because i i gotta like i i think i spent like three or four hours translating this and i i didn't even like prepare the rest of this year but i had gone through it before earlier today but um i usually try to go through it much more so this um this was a good story it was a good story i hoped it was not too uh what do you call it bys right below yeshiva standards but we kept it clean and we're all adults and you could apply to any sin right it's just this is a standard uh example right it's um maybe too easy for certain people to relate to and maybe some people can't relate at all so this rat hashem we will be back right so that's we're here to do we're getting ready for all the miracles we're looking forward to them on a daily basis right on a personal basis on a national basis coming towards nissan but we have yet to overcome amalek will give us strength to overcome our yatsuhara on the internal enemy and the external enemy as well and with that i will not take questions so i'm going to say have a great life to all you in cyber cyberland and i'm gonna give some attention to the people who so patiently waited for me to turn again [Music] is [Music]