Growing into the Torah world - Rabbi Alon Anava

[Music] when it comes to Tora that's a whole different category how you educate the child and this is where really you have to be very very smart because you need to Expos the Torah with only with love love and fun so one kid of mine he's so cish he used to go with a suit when he was three and four years old to school he he I'm like the mirror whatever I do he does he has like I gave him one of my old hats he has a hat he whatever if I go like this he will go like this too so he I I know that how I move he will move the other one same thing I don't want to where it's it this it's itchy it's this it doesn't look nice the shirt doesn't go in so when it comes to TV you have to be extremely extremely sensitive and creative and it can only be it cannot be oppressed that's is the this is the the damage that a lot of religious people do is that they choke the religion down children's throats and they don't like it now if it means that my child is not going to be the biggest Rabbi of the generation and he's not going to have a twoot long beard and he wants to wear a blue shirt shirt that's what he wants okay I'm not going to be 100% happy with the fact but if he's happy if he still keeps Shabbat and he eats koser and he doesn't lie and he doesn't cheat and he's faithful and he is a honest person and he gives charity my point is to design good human beings not to design rabbis or rabbitin and this is the problem with a lot of religious people that they think that if the child is not exactly how I am then he's not good and that's the big mistake cuz what it does instead of the child being not so super from he becomes not from at all that's the problem that a lot of parents they can't deal with what my son is not going to have a beard he's not going to have a beard Asma so what so he's going to wear a blue shirt who cares he's going to be honest he's not going to lie he's going to be a good father he's going to be a good provider he'll give charity he'll learn T he'll keep sh it's it say thank you it's not up to me if my child is going to be the next sadic of the generation and that's the problem in the religious community is that they're saying oh no no if he goes astray 1 mm the shirt went like that oh that's it Outcast and it's wrong the point is with with when it comes to the religious World unfortunately I I don't know how it was 50 years ago 100 years ago I wasn't around but I see now that some people are so busy being so FR that they're forgetting the you know the the beauty in the religion the religion is not to choke somebody and to oppose it is the point is that you know one of my my youngest one he doesn't want he doesn't like going to sh he's bored I understand he's 5 years old and you know what I don't want him running around making noise and disturbing to everybody so one time my wife told me why AR you forcing him to go to sh I said he's 5 years old he doesn't want to go he doesn't pray his friends are not there he's bored why should I bring him so he would learn to hate sh why do I go to pray is somebody putting a gun to my head and telling me go and pray I go to pray cuz I want to pray cuz I want to talk to the K right now that's why I go I don't go to pray because I'm feeling that if I don't go I'm going to go to to hell cuz that's not the education that I got I'm not doing any Mitzvah I'm not putting in the morning cuz I'm afraid then I'm going to go to Gom I'm putting on because I want to so I want to educate my kid to want to go to SH now if I'm going to sleap him when he's years old and he's going to be sitting like this bored for 2 hours he's never going to go to sh either he's going to become a robot like 90% of the men who go to sh they like robots they're not praying they put thein on they pray within 20 minutes I don't even know how people can pray 20 minutes I don't even I'm not even in the beginning and they're already finishing the minion so that's a robot why because all his life it was a system they don't really pray with yish the point is just to finish the point with the praying with with the with this example is that you you you have to educate the child to love the Torah and Mitzvah and if it means okay don't worry TI I want him to want to wear the titit not to feel that I'm wear it it's not good you have to put excitement that's why the whole point with the basketball yeah it was exciting for my son to see my ties all flying around you have to to to to dig into the child's mind and what will excite him I if I want my child to be excited about Torah I'm excited because nobody will do any Tor and mitvah if they don't want to do it if they do it it's it's at some point they don't want to so the the the the smart parents they really invest in the kids somebody sent me a real cute video the other day that you see a father it was a animation and you see the father like on a computer and the kid comes he says Dad Dad and he says not right now I don't have time and comes again and the father's like on the phone not now I don't have time and the kid always comes and says Dad Dad he's like I don't have time and then you see the animation change the kid is like a teenager and the father's a little bit older and then the father comes and says son son and the kids I don't have time so such a smart video and the point is that that our kids are so special it's you know you know people are people that don't have kids you know what sorrow I see on people they come to me and they tell me I don't have kids I can't have kids it's the biggest torture one of my sons my middle son when he had a his Shalom Zar was a very big we had a very big party and a lot of people came and a very big Rabbi from the community came at the time which was a very big honor and uh I didn't even believe that he came I was like wow so everybody was you know doing the and blessing me he should be a and he should be this and he should be that and he told me at the end the rabbi told me listen I'm not going to give you a blessing that you should be you know you got enough blessings here tonight I'm just going to give you uh uh one tip and he told me whatever you want your child to be you'll be you want your child to be alaman you'll be Al you want your child to wake up in the morning to pray you wake up in the morning to pray you want him to be a you be a that's it don't expect him to do anything don't try to make him do something he's not you whatever you want him to do you give him an example if you give a 100% example then you know that you did your part and he will be like you and your part is to be a real good role model and when you scream and when you punish and when you you you take his toys or whatever that's not a role model that's a tyrant I mean I'm not saying you can't be a firm you have to know when to raise your voice you have to know when to do it but it has to be in such good taste that you're the role model now if you're the child child's hero doesn't matter mother or father you the child's hero that's it the child will want to be like you and he will maybe when he's 1 might be a little bit of a naughty boy or when he's eight will be a little bit you know wild but the point is how is he going to be when he's 22 and his vision of his parent is going to be my father never would do that my mother would never insult somebody and that's what sticks with them and they need to be you know I heard from from ginsborg and he says the kids if they're not wild when they're young they'll be wild when they're old and you know what's the funniest thing is now we had the Mitzvah so Friday all our family my family my wife's family they all came because our Center has a lot of rooms so so they all came we had a the whole place was just for us and when I was a kid I was a very wild kid anything that can be you can just imagine that's how I was now my younger sister she's 44 she smokes pom she started smoking and all sorts of weird things and I told her she went out for a smoke she came in I told her you got to quit you mean you're weak I mean it's disgusting I mean you're older it's not healthy so anyways we had our all own discussion about smoking and I and and and and then I observed and I was like look when I was a teenager I was the one who was wild and now when I'm older then I got I got all this wild out now I'm able to be you know organized and and and functioning the right way she on the other hand was this goody Tes that everything was Ken and now PTO in her 40 she starts smoking PTO she does a tattoo PTO like all the things that I did when I was 15 and I was like now you're getting it so it just goes to show to you that the question is exactly if he needs to come out let it come out when it's a child the child needs to be wild let him be wild because if he's not going to let it out this wildness will come out on his wife on somebody on the street when one of my boys he is a I can't say wild a a kid is not wild but he needs to be active yeah so he goes to car and he goes to all these things people you sending a child to Kate yeah he needs he needs to be a boy but you know the same same thing you know on on shus my boys they like going on Hikes to like because in there's all the caves and and all these fun things now some people say what first of all I tell them okay you can't go with a suit you want to go you put your regular put regular clothes and sneakers you can go with your shabas suit and your beautiful shoes you can ruin them but other people say it's not shabas di tell them it is shabas di you know why because they'll remember their entire life that their childhood shabas was the best day because we went hiking and we went hanging out in caves and my father was so cool he gave us a bag with treats so the point is to to now yeah it might not be the most shabas dick thing and they're not sitting with me in a sh and learning but their their memory on Shabbat would be shabas was the best because we went to hi to hike so you have to be very creative in how you're presenting everything to the child and the child till Mitzvah is not obligated in mitv so if he doesn't want to put on he doesn't have to he doesn't have to you know what he might be you know sometimes when you cook something you pull it out 5 minutes before it's not cooked it's not tasty even leave it five more minutes in the oven it's a it's a it's a gourmet meal sometime the child gets cooked the day of the B Mitzvah you know how many boys I saw in B Mitzvah B Mitzvah P Everything's changed one second of it's trying to control something that's not in your I mean you have to like how do you call these the for the horse rains you have to know how to control the rains real good you pull it too strong the horse will start going wild You Pull It gently to the right the horse will go to the right so not that Shalom I'm comparing a child to a horse but a smart parent knows how to control the situation that the child wants to do it that's the most healthiest way that's how a a a child grows up in a healthy way that he doesn't feel oppressed and pressure and as it is there's a lot of pressure out there with how you what you wear and fashion and he said this and we have that phone and you have this phone and there's enough pressure out there you don't to put more pressure on the child we should marry to see all our children go in our path should only have just from our kids this is the biggest and people come to me for I tell them you should only have from your kids everything else is up to the anyways just as long as you have and see a lot of people they they don't even allow themselves to have from the kids they didn't see it yeah they're wasting it and I guide a lot of families that their kids go off the and it's it's it's not it's it's a psychologist to get even now in London one of the families that I sat with them 11 kids half are of the not off the D married to a non Jew like completely and and I and I told him look look look what beautiful kids they have so what if he's married right now to a non Jew that forget about that part I I don't agree with that too but look what talent he has look what a beautiful father look what a great husband is you don't even take a a moment to see the good quality in these kids and if you were able to see that in the kids I guarantee to you that they wouldn't go so far away I [Music]