Living With Emunah (Part 213) - You Can't Control Others, Only How They Make You Feel

good morning bogartov good morning booker joe welcome back to living with ammuna we want to thank our generous serious sponsors avi and vela morgan in memory of every doctor brian gavin in memory of bella's mother dr ellen schanzer super grateful to the morgans for their generous sponsorship also this morning shear is dedicated by lisa and dr sam friedman in honor of booker's own synagogue thank you very much to the friedmans our dear friends should be filled only with blessing in simcha and by that by avraham alana weissman isaacs ben and dina isaacs in celebration with their amazing parents yehuda and linda isaac's wedding anniversary 50 years ago tonight 50th wedding anniversary wow should celebrate 50 more years together in good health and happiness with a lot of nachos and if they have one percent of ben's energy they will live a long and happy and healthy life if anyone knows my friend ben isaacs ben i always tell him if i just have like one percent of your energy what i could get done in the day okay we are continuing living with ammuna we are continuing with our theme that we've been building upon amen the notion that we recognize and welcome and invite hashem to be part of our lives on a daily basis we are not living on our own we're not figuring out for ourselves we are not independent people but in the end of the day there is an almighty and he loves us and he's with us and he supports us and he holds us accountable and when we live with emunah then we have nothing to fear we have no reason to be anxious or arrogant or angry you know every day there's something that comes our way which poses a challenge every day whether it's individually personally whether it's within family life whether it's professionally whether it's community whether it's institutionally there are things that announced there are things that happen there are people who behave in ways they bother us so either we can have thin skin and get bent out of shape and forfeit our happiness and our joy and our life or we can recognize that there's hashem in the world and if hashem wants it to succeed if hashem wants that person's actions to take root then it was meant to be and if hashem doesn't want it then i don't need to help sabotage it i don't need to protest or be angry about it i don't need to lose my own serenity tranquility and peace of mind over it it's all over hashem the challenge of living with emunah is not intellectually what we know the challenge is not to explore the evidence for god's existence and do we really believe that he's here the challenge is that in that moment in that moment in the moment that you're running late and you get stuck at the red light in that moment that that person or that institution or mother nature doesn't cooperate and bathe the way we want do we remember then take that deep breath we restore the neshama with nishima soul and breath come from the same word nishama and nishima we restore our soul we take a deep breath and we remind ourselves what am i getting bent out of shape why am i getting so upset and bothered there's a hashem he runs the world and he's in charge and he's in control and nothing is random and nothing is chance so i have to take my initiative in my dollar ramos within my four qubits i have to do the best that i can i have to be the best that i can i have to make the right choices and the right decisions and every dilemma i face but beyond that just let go it's up to him it's up to him so are the behaviors of others sometimes enormously frustrating absolutely but you know we control our happiness we can't control other people we can only control how they make us feel we can only control how they make us feel can't change people we can't control people i was talking to someone very late last night dealing struggling with a family situation and you know as i've said before do you know the definition of a dysfunctional family any family with more than one person in it that is the dictionary definition of a dysfunctional family and never does never does dysfunction rise and present itself as it does when there's a holiday weekend you know thanksgiving weekend the yante for secular holiday when family is poised and ready to be together when there are expectations of being together that's when it all rises to the to the top and so what i was encouraging is that you can't you're not going to change parents grandparents people of a certain age you're not going to change maybe they will change if they choose to change it's never too late for any of us to change we can change at any age that we want it's never ever too late to make significant changes in our life but that's for that person to decide or that's for hashem to precipitate to organize circumstances in a way that will change we can't change people all we can change is how they make us feel all they can change is how we react and what we do when we respond so whether we lose our mind literally or figuratively because of the people around us is up to us yes they may trigger it yes they may poke us in the eye figuratively or in some cases literally but how we respond to what we do is entirely up to us and in that moment one of the more empowering things that we can do is to remember this is hashem okay so that person has that challenge that they're behaving this way that's their problem not mine i don't need to absorb their negativity i don't need to absorb their phobia their psychosis their psychological disorder i don't need to absorb it because they're behaving that way doesn't have to be my problem i don't have to lose my peace my tranquility my happiness my happiness you know everybody wants to live with peace yaakov i've been on the run 20 years i've worked 22 my whole life has been challenging struggle on the run i just want to live in peace i just want to sit under the palm tree sip my pina colada so i read my book i want to play my mahjong my golf my tennis i want to go to my afternoon cola i just want to retire in peace and what happened to that exact moment hashem says you want peace and serenity you think that's what life's about brought upon him yeah he brought upon the whole episode of yosef the brothers the conflict the sale of yoshi the disappearance of yosef just when he says i just want peace and quiet why can't i just coast through life why are there hardship and challenges emotional psychological physical spiritual i just want everything to be perfect is that so much to ask is that so much to ask to which hashem says yeah that's too much to ask you know when you'll get that in the next world in the next world it's a yom shakulo peace yamchakula the next world full of peace you love serenity you'll have happiness you love joy you want to work for a living nobody will disappoint you everything will work out the way you want the next world will be no doctors appointments and doctors visits and doctor waiting rooms and awaiting a lab return in the next world it's just cool little piece but this world that's not what it's for we mentioned it yesterday in the parshasher that i think was said there's no rocking chair on a factory floor on the factory floor there's no recliner because the factory floor is a place of work and this world is a place that we work we work on ourselves we work to be the best that we can be and we work to make the difference we're meant to make and we work to become the first version of ourselves the world is waiting for it so yaakov has also became but tough noogies says hashem i think that's what he said tough noogies and how you spell noogies tough mookies he said he said tough noogies you can't live with peace and serenity there's going to be people and things all around you that are going to throw curveballs at you life is going to throw curveballs because this is a place to work to work on ourselves how we react how we respond to the curveballs that life throws our way we can't control people we can't control nature we can't control there's much more that we cannot control than we can control all we should work on is what we can control us the serenity prayer but that's what we can control is ourselves how we react how we respond how we feel and too many of us forfeit that we say they make me it's not it's not my choice this is how i feel this is how i think is how i behave it's how i was raised this is who i am this is how i shaped and that's just the way it is it says who says who why are we forfeiting why are we conceding why would we why would we do that hashem gave us this incredible gift this incredible tool it's called free will hashem gave us the power to make choices to shape and mold our own life our own existence we're able to control our thoughts we're able to regulate our emotions and certainly we're responsible for our behaviors and our actions so do you want to be you know i've said before you can be the passenger or you can be the pilot you want to be along for the ride and blame everyone else so you want to be the pilot you want to be driving the car you want to be driving the plane to the destination you want to go to live the life that we want to live or the other metaphor if you're a rabbi you just have this file cabinet of metaphors the other metaphor are you the thermostat or are you the thermometer thermometer tells you what the temperature is thermostat lets you control it so you could be a thermometer your whole life you're gonna walk around you're gonna say hey this one makes me feel this way and i can't believe this one behaved that way and because i was raised this way and because i have these genetics i'm that way because i'm just a i'm a thermometer complaining all day about what temperature i am too hot too cold it's never just right it's everyone else's fault around me and all i can do is report on the temperature i'm a thermometer i just report the temperature or you could be a thermostat and you could say i'm going to dial the temperature if i'm if it's too hot i'm going to lower the thermostat if it's too cold i'm going to raise the thermostat it could be a thermostat or a thermometer the choice is ours and one of the empowering things in making that choice is emunah amuna zamona gave us he endowed us he gifted us with that free will he gives us the courage the tenacity the resilience to be able to overcome to achieve to be the people that we want to and that we're meant to be stop being fatalistic and stop being a spectator to your own life and stop watching from the sidelines feeling that you can't control it i'm not telling you it's easy i'm not telling you that there aren't people or places or things or institutions that drive me crazy and that make my blood pressure rise and i make my pulse speed up and then make me want to lash out with rage and anger and everything i'm right there with you i'm right there i'm i'm i've surpassed you i'm right there but i'm telling you what i try to work on is taking that deep breath and saying first of all will this reaction make anything better we'll make the problem go away or we'll make it worse well i compound things number one number two that person that i'm so angry that i'm raging and i'm flipping out that i'm bouncing off the walls that in my mind i'm writing the emails that i would never send that person is happily sipping pina coladas under a palm tree at their pool their life isn't changed at all by how upset i'm getting the only one who's losing out the only one whose life has changed is me it didn't make anything better didn't make anything change at all so just let go and let hashem do the best that we can make the choices that we can hold our head high with dignity with class act with derek and midos we'll speak about in one moment and then hashem is in charge so people behave the way they behave and the natural world is organized and programmed the way it's organized and programmed not always corresponding with what we want it is what it is you let go and you live another day and it's up to hashem but you can live that day preserving and maintaining your physical health your mental health or spiritual health or you could lose your cool and and sacrifice and concede at all you could forfeit it all don't be a passenger be a pilot don't be a thermometer be a thermostat don't be a spectator get in the game of practicing who we want to be what's our image what's our vision of who we want to be and become that person make the choice and tenaciously cling to what it will take to become that person stephen covey says in a seven habit start start with the end in mind so start with the end in mind what kind of mother or father do i want to be now you can't say well i want to be loving and calm and cool and collect but only if i would have children that would be normal and would behave and do everything exactly the way i tell them but because i have children who are stubborn and i have children who are oppositional and i have children who don't listen and i have children who can't pay attention and i have children who are defined and don't do what i want so i can't be the parent i want to be who says it's the opposite by the way if you become the parent that you want to and are meant to be the likelihood is your children will respond much better so start with the end of mind who do i want to be what do i want to be like as a spouse how do i want to respond how do i want to behave do i want to lose my cool do i want to be loving and affectionate and complimentary and understanding and flexible and forgiving who do i want to be and then be mindful and never concede the power that we all have to be that person what does this have to do with living with emunah i don't know i feel like talking about it it's making me feel a little better but it does have everything to do with emunah because i think what drives the engine that drives that courage and that confidence and that belief that we can be in control is hashem there's a telemall that came inside every one of us and the world of eloquem is a world of discipline and dignity we're made up of two people we have the animal impulse the animal instinct the animal drive and we have a godly soul we have a godly this clash between the the nephesh behind the animal instinct the animal instinct you know what the animal says the animal says somebody said something to you that took you off oh boy the animal part of the brain should light up fight or flight go at them write that text send that email lash out raise your voice lose your cool throw that object that's the animal inside you that's the animal the animal acts impulsively the animal acts compulsively but we're also telling this peace of god inside every one of us every one of us is a living manifestation of the repulsion of the almighty it's the peace of god and telling what came inside of us and god is the ultimate in discipline self-control we have the capacity to actually step outside of ourselves and see ourselves when you act like an animal you don't animals don't by the way animals have no self-awareness animals have no self-awareness no cat or dog ever said how do i look in these jeans how do i do i look fat in this outfit no cat or dog ever said you know what does the neighborhood think about me the stuff i'm doing on their trees or in their backyard what's my reputation i'm concerned about it animals don't have the capacity to have self-awareness they never step outside themselves and analyze or think about or evaluate or reflect on who they are how they're perceived to be an animal is to live in the here and now behemoth is ba ma what you see is what you get it's the here and now that's an animal so if you ever see someone fly off the handle lose their cool i don't recommend trying this at home but you can try it at home take a little video because afterwards they will tell you that you doctored that up that wasn't them because when a person loses their coolants in a fit of rage and afterwards you said do you know do you know what you sounded like do you know what you did you know how you behaved do you know what you broke what relationships you broke do you know the words you said you know how you appeared saddler you're talking about yeah i got a little bit excited but i didn't do that i didn't say that you might have had that experience with somebody who's a fit of rage who later says i don't know what you're talking about i didn't sound like that i didn't look like that i didn't say that here's the video it's undeniable the video is the self-awareness the video is the third-party confirmation outside ourselves it's undeniable but people when we act that way when we give in to the animal in us we have no self-awareness but we have the ability to be at salem with kim to be a god to stop and say how do i look right now how do i sound right now is this who i want to be is this how i want to be perceived is this my life is this the kind of husband or wife or mother or father is this kind of friend is this kind of employer or employee is this kind of community member is this the kind of hashem is this who i want to be and that's him which is what gives us the ability to step outside ourselves and have an awareness about ourselves also is what gives us the capacity to control ourselves we cannot control other people stop thinking you can stop micromanaging manipulating controlling we cannot control other people we can encourage we can model the right behavior but we can't control other people we can only control how we react how they make us feel we can only control ourselves that's all that we can control and that in turn will likely control everything around us and that's a gift that's what hashem gave us that capacity that capacity for and along those lines i'll take something in the parsha i said the practice yesterday when as usual as is my minute i ran out of time i said that i was going to share one thing i saved for the yamuna class because it's an overlap between passion and and uh and the ammunition but first you have it was way was it um 100 100 i'll repeat the question for those who couldn't hear but first our coffee cups are almost done they're fantastic caffeinated beautiful coffee cups i'm going to share logo it's going to be fantastic so kevin said we can grasp the idea of the let go like god and and put faith in him and don't get anxious or stressed out over what we can't control but what about stressing over what we can control what about stressing out over what we're in control of and are we doing well and are we doing good enough are we are we doing are we what we are in charge of what we can control the actions that we can regulate what about the anxiety that comes from are we doing enough are we regulating enough are we living enough it's a great great question maybe we'll address it a little bit here if not we'll come back to it but thank you for raising it it's a great question so in our passion parties we have the story of the sale of yosef but that entire story we take a detour for the episode of yehuda and tamar curtin comes down on the sale of yosef when it comes back up act two of the next scene is yehuda and tamar then the curtain comes down and we're back to the story of the sale of yosef why it's interrupted and the flow of the parsha and what that's all about is for another time it's fascinating is one of the 12 tribes yehuda is actually the progenitor of the monarchy yehuda has malthus judah ultimately is royalty he had this very same yehuda when he's lonely ends up soliciting the services of a prostitute on the side of the road that little did he know was his own daughter-in-law who had dressed up it's amazing where people don't want to learn commission parachute by the way show me you know is there is there a book or a movie that's going to be more uh riveting more interesting more salacious than the fashion the problem is these are the parts he skipped in school so you don't even know what's in there because nobody ever thought it to you in school so um so yehuda's sons die and daughters are lonely and want to have a continuity so tamar desperate for her continuity knows the only way that she can continue is to attract the attention of her father-in-law and to continue that family name of her husband that was lost and uh dresses up and solicits his services why was he pursuing those services and how could a pas israel how could a tamar whom we name our children after i have a tamar have even contemplated that that was the right course of action how did she know how to dress up or how to behave how did she even know how to imitate such a person these are all the valving questions these are all great questions when you find the answers please let me know so tamar dresses up and attracts the attention of yehuda and they are together and she becomes pregnant and now yehuda not realizing it had been tamar sees tamar his former daughter-in-law's daughter-in-law pregnant thinking that she is promiscuous publicly uh confronts her and tamar wanting to preserve you this dignity doesn't say are you kidding me are you kidding me the biggest hypocrite on the planet the pot calling the kettle blah are you kidding me you're the father it's like a reality show you know she pulls out the dna the blood report the maternal whatever you're the father the crowd like what what is going on but she doesn't do that you know what she just puts her hands down and why does she do that tamar goes down in our history as a heroine as a hero because she doesn't want to embarrass him she doesn't want to humiliate him she's willing to die because it's the death penalty for having been promiscuous she's willing to die and sacrifice herself rather than embarrass another person it's just mind-boggling that level but first but first she does appeal to him and she says following her words she says as she was taken out as she was taken out to be executed the judgment against her she sent word to her father-in-law she sent him a text message and she said she said sorry you see yehuda when he used the services of tamar had left a down payment he had made a payment his personal items so she now held them up and said not explicitly calling him out exposing him but simply raising those personal items which only he would recognize and she says you want to know who's the father whoever owns this pen this wallet this pin that's with his that's who made me pregnant and she said and she said identify if you please whose are the signet this rap and the staff you know whoever whoever's thai this is whoever's pin or pen this is that's who the father is so rashi says on these words tamar confronts and calls out yehudah not not by name but by by signal and rashi says when she says please recognize na is allah means please which she was appealing to him was on her way out she's being brought out in judgment execution she holds up the pen the tie and she says whoever owns these the father and she appeals to she says please recognize your creator the altava and don't sacrifice three lives why three lives her life tamar and baby and she's pregnant with twins tamara is pregnant with twins and she says don't kill three people it's unnecessary it's unjust it's unjust it's immoral you're the father i did this intentionally by design there are three lives at stake please i appeal to you i beg you recognize your creator recognize your creator now what does your creator have to do with anything now let me recognize your creator so rabbi torah of the mirror he says the following does yehuda he's the russia shiva he's the youth is one of the shabbat he's one of the great rabbis of the generation you have to give him a little schmooze about the evidence of god's existence whether you're going to recruit him to come to to discovery seminar you to hear the bible codes there's a god abandoning the simple understanding of the of the text the text means recognize recognize these things rashi says she was telling him recognize your creator why are you abandoning the simple text whose meaning is very meaningful in this context recognize these items and when you do you'll realize you're the father shalom israel then you'll say the execution why does rashi have to change and say recognize means recognize your creator and if she's trying to appeal to his his paternal instinct just say these are youtube children don't say there's a creator say these are your kids you're going to kill your kid if you kill me you're killing your twins you're killing your twins so said them understood something about the human psyche that even when yehuda would recognize the items were his it would still be hard to turn back and to be honest and to stop a process that was already in motion to be able to admit we were wrong in public in a way that will bring humiliation and shame is a very very very difficult thing to do just look at our elected officials look at our celebrities look at people in power look at community leaders who've made mistakes but there's shame and there's guilt there's humiliation is embarrassment it's very very hard even when you realize i'm wrong to be able to be accountable to be able to look in a camera and admit and not to qualify it and not to apologize if i hurt anyone but to unqualified unbridled admission concession i was wrong i'm humiliated i'm ashamed i gave in to my animal instinct i was wrong it's enormously difficult so therefore she appealed to him and she said you're worried about shame in this world you're worried about guilt in this world you're worried about what everyone here thinks about you will think about you if you admit it don't kill three innocent people because there's another world and there's a created this god to him he'll be accountable think big picture not small picture think long term not short term and that was her appeal to him that is the inside of rabbi rocco what i really want to share with you is revolba i don't feel bad when we don't learn the safer because at least we keep invoking revolpa so the safer is revolbo we're not learning revolve but it's safer we're learning revolb in other's form so revolver says the following in his lessons on hamish and pashev the vulgar says the following he's bothered by the same question why is tamar invoking hakeer now recognize there's a god bible codes discovery seminar evidence for god's existence recognizing when we recognize hashem it's the 11th hour you're being brought out to be executed these are his things as soon as he recognizes them he should realize those are his children inside you and not want to kill them or you why are you saying i care not recognize god so revolver says the following we normally think that how do we come to knowledge that god exists when you learn the rambam's mourinho you learn and when we learn theology and philosophy and we examine the evidence of god's existence that's how we know god exists but khan it's about but now we learn a new way to discover that god exists he says right she's saying to him right now not you should attend the discovery seminar you can be a discovery seminar if you make the right choice right now if you dig deep and behave in a godly manner rather than give in to that animal impulse if you do what's right against all odds and against all inertia and against all momentum and against everything in your interest and you still do what's right because it's right you will be displaying godliness and you will become a piece of evidence of god's existence do you know when we recognize god is not when we sit in philosophy class it's not when we read a book on theology it's not when we talk academically or theoretically the real proof the real evidence the real rubber meets the road about our relationship with god is when our medos is who we are and how we behave in challenging and difficult situations who is that's what the torah says she calls upon him and vayakar yehudah yehudah does in other words yehudah is not examining evidence that god exists through the choice he makes he becomes a piece of evidence that god exists we tend to think the way to come to awareness of hashem is through learning the rama was studying philosophy but the awareness comes in an entirely different way yehuda would have the courage to overcome his embarrassment and publicly admitted admittedly is responsible that would be a reflection a demonstration an expression of true awareness of hashem the litmus test the litmus test is not whether you could repeat back saint thomas aquinas's piece of evidence or the first cause evidence or the rambam's evidence or aristotle's evidence the proof that whether you believe in god is not how much evidence you could repeat it's not how much torah you can say it's not how much tanya you can recite it when should come to the utes kislife i bring in tonight where we'll talk about the clash between the animal soul and the godly soul and what the tanya balatanya introduced when he was freed from prison so many years ago the real evidence for god is not the text that you could recite it's not the scholarship that you could point to it's not the people that you can quote the real proof or evidence of god's existence is who you are and how you behave do you give into anger and envy and arrogance and anxiety you don't really believe in him but when you dig deep in a moment where it would be understandable to fly off the handle but instead you stay calm it'd be understandable to get enormously anxious but instead you stay peaceful it'd be understandable to be envious of what someone else has but instead you say hashem gives them what they need and he gives me what i need when we demonstrate when we live when we express it that is an altogether different level and that's what tamara is telling you she's saying yehuda i love this insider you're saying you spent your entire life you spent your entire career teaching and preaching about god you're one of the great rabbis the generation you're on every platform you're streamed on every service you're the biggest crowds in person you have the highest profile you're an influencer online yehuda you've been talking about god your entire life and your entire career but right now hakerna you've been talking about it your whole life but right now in the spotlight on the biggest stage with the biggest opportunity you have the ability to not only talk about it you have the ability to demonstrate it you have the ability to be the evidence of god when even though it would be understandable for you to act in an altogether different way for you to make that admission for you to dig deep and express those middles how do we do it how do we reach that level that tamar is encouraging you to get to it says our negative character traits are rooted in our desires and these desires constantly rule our actions a person will stop in the middle of doing something constructive to tell a friend a joke when he walks outside immediately looks about to see the goings on around him or merely look at the people walking down the street he stops to grab a bite just for the sake of eating without even thinking why he's eating person slides from one desire to another without giving a second thought to what he's doing without giving a second thought mindlessness is the problem when we live with mindlessness then we find ourselves eating when we're not hungry saying things that we know are only going to hurt us to say we find ourselves looking at or doing or going or or staying awake when we know we should be sleeping when we live mindlessly when we let our desires dictate instead of our head and our heart then we find ourselves at destinations we never wanted to go to or get to rava said that he learned from his rebbe this is now i'm reading from revolver which quotes from the other safer i was translates and expands upon it said he learned from his how to control these desires the following was found in the written resolutions of rabbi rufus he wrote quote i find that i'm not in control of my actions rather my actions are ruled by a foreign body namely materialistic wishes and all their counterparts therefore i'm taking upon myself to go against my instinctive wishes five times a day that was found in his journal in his diary i don't know the ethics that we broke into his diary and published it and shared but whatever those let's assume it's done with permission so raven wrote in his diary in his journal that i find myself giving it to my desires by the way this is and he's saying i find myself giving into my desires my instincts my animal impulse i'm not really ruling and regulating myself so i'm making a pledge and a promise i'm taking upon myself to go against my instinctive wishes five times a day i want the chocolate i won't have it i want to press snooze i'm not pressing snooze i have something i want to say but it doesn't really need to be said i'm going to hold it in he's trying to exercise the disciplined muscle so five times a day i'm going to work out that disciplined muscle so the muscle will be strong and will be react on its own when one goes against those natural instincts on a regular basis even if it's with regard to similarly insignificant things it causes us to be more acutely aware of what one is supposed to be doing even if once a day once a day i'll come back to our campaign if we can be disciplined enough to have cavanaugh with the opening bracha on our opening cup of coffee she'll get your coffee cup soon enough please god if anyone wants to sponsor feel free to speak to me we're going to produce them in a hard ceramic mug and disposable cup fashion so you can share them with everyone around you to remind us to have that first caffeinate with kavanagh the bracha the first barak of the day charcoal that everything the day the whole day that first break of the day charcoal the house the health the car even the people in the house how cold everything the ebitda it's all from you hashem what abraca what a blessing that first broke of the day to caffeinate with kavanagh so even the discipline to do that so many people are still removing the crust from their eyes when they swallow the bracha faster than they swallow the coffee the discipline the mindfulness the presence the consciousness to even be there for that opening for that opening bracha every day ben sends me a picture of him with his gemara his cup of coffee and he says kavanaugh for the first bracha of the day if i get to see that before my first cup it helps remind me to discipline with to make the bracha with discipline with kavanagh he's fantastic so that for we actually imagine if you exercise that disciplined muscle the first thing in the day first thing in the day when we're in complete control then we can go against those other instincts nobody can make us lose it then we don't have to worry about how others are making us feel how others are making us bathe okay we're ready to start no [Music] i don't think we're getting there okay we'll pick up with this mirzashan next time but uh just keep it in mind don't be a spectator don't be a thermometer be a thermostat don't be a passenger be the pilot don't let others control you realize we can't control people we'll come back to your habits question please god next week or in the future that okay let's say we master not being anxious about what we're not in control of how do we not get anxious about what we are in control of if i had the easy answer that you and i would be retired living somewhere right now we'd read a book we'd sell the magic formula we'd have the easy answer anxiety is at all time levels antidepressants and mental health and all the medicines that go with it are at all time record levels right now in the world if we had the easy answer but we'll we'll continue to look for and share the answer moon is definitely part of it if you want to know part of the answer i want to end by inviting everyone tonight to two things first of all if i'm bringing you this kiss life with ramona friedman but also at nine o'clock tonight we're going behind the bhima with the great rap mathis i mentioned to you the amuna story last week was how because of the ammunition we got machlas who's leaving his comfort zone and in protest and doesn't like to do it because he's one of the most humble people on the planet but agreed to only because of stephanie gross and his father's first year at site is is coming up and um and machus grew up with and and knew and knew stephanie's father was an outstanding man how he find out what shall we should have an aliyah and rob marches whose wife robinson marcus how many people ordered the book since last week i got to make an amazon link so that we get a cut at the shul for every book that i promote i know you can i never have but anyway it's a fantastic book it will transform your life the best way to grow is to read biographies as we've quoted many times before so ribbits and machlas gets the credit she deserves that ravmaklis is no less extraordinary he is a man of amuno you'll be blown away he hosts 200 people every shop is at his house for meals 200 people in 33 years i don't think he's missed a shabbos it's unbelievable it's unbelievable and as a moon and his positivity we're going to talk to him you lost your life partner she was 57 years old a mother of 14 she was an unbelievable woman and he's got a simcha and an amuna and a faith and a peace and a comment of tranquility which is just unbelievable and it's only thanks to yamunashir that for some weird reason i brought it up so stephanie jumped on it and we got him and you don't want to miss it that's tonight at 9pm if you do miss it then you can always listen to it afterwards until next time stay happy stay healthy