A Story of Trust

So a lot of times we um know it feels very good you know you know to say everything or whatever but honestly you understand everything that you're saying the way that you want to understand it. So I I thought of a a sort of a hack a little bit that you know says that when we talk to Hashem a person should talk to Hashem in their own words. Speak to Hashem from your own heart and your own saf you know from an honest place more when he's speaking in English. So a lot of people a lot of times especially people come from backgrounds you know they're very used to saying to Helum especially when something happens some type of crisis or whatever things like that but if you're a native English speaker you know how much you can add to your arsenal of his bodus if you start reading to him if you do it in Hebrew and then do it in English right so you start re reworking your vocabulary in a way that how you talk to Hashem just from looking at English Right. So whatever you you know the guy you know feels bad he want to show that he's also got the English version also too or whatever the case is. I said forget about it. I said I'm I'm giving me English one also. And what happened was my wife was somewhere and she always keeps it to she reads to him. She read she reads in English. She understands it. Women don't have all this gaba and all that stuff. They just don't have it anyway. So so she was in the walked into some store whatever. So I grabbed to him and I said, "Read it in English." And I was just like, "Oh my goodness." I said, I said, "The Lim is so powerful in English." Like I didn't even think about it. So I made sure I made sure that I always always keep a keep an English one, too. And the Hebrew should have big words. So it'd be easy for us to read, but that's my my secret weapon. I take your secret weapon. It really enhances the voters like big time. Weapon of prayer. Big time. So that's how you start off your bod. Not all the time. I don't have like an actual seda with it, but I'm saying just having it with me, you know what I mean? To to be able to go through tikali is hard for me to get through in English. So, can I do it? Okay. So, we left off last time we were in I think I thought we were at 32. I think I may have missed missed off by page. One of the last things that we talked about was the um having amun and hashim and not in the means you know not using some intermediary to to believe in that. I think that hashm has to bring about something through that way specifically. Now I don't think that we did this next part which was on 30. This is know it in your heart. These are very very important principles. We're almost up to uh to SIMAR. I was hoping that we're going to get to Simra, but I don't know. I don't know how disciplined I am to to move on so fast or whatever. But at least it's we're doing Remy Nakman's essentials. It was written by Ra Aram Greenb was written by Nakma, but he took a lot of different places and he put together loot very similar to Lutus or or um one of the other books that do the same thing like uh it's less specific than like or something where it's specifically talking about and putting it together. So he's taking general things and he's moving them around but he like I don't know he had a sort of a science of like which ones he decided to put together. I was very very taken back by the safer when I first got it. It was like one of my first breasts of sorform that was like mine you know. And that uh mom has changed my life. Okay. So he takes some divine here and he says that know this day and consider it in your heart that Hashem is God in heaven above and on earth below and that there is no other a little there's nothing but a shim. So he says the only way to know Hashem is through complete faith and only faith can bring you to true knowledge and perception of God's greatness. And he brings him hashem and he says I will betroth you to me with amuna and you should know hashem. Right? So the first part of knowing Hashem, this part is that by us having amuna, believing in that which we what we cannot know, right? So I heard recently that uh I think with Vermy was saying in one of his shirun uh which which reb he quoted they said you know you know how how how much he didn't want to have a hashem that people understood you know if you can have a god that people understood then you know hashem is no different than a human right if I can understand hashem then he's no different than than me right so the the way to come to having this idea and this this knowledge This relationship with Hashem comes about through me having the amuna and that which I don't know first I'm stepping out into the unknown. So he said many passages tell us to know Hashem. It says to know this day and consider it in your heart. It says the divine it says know the god of your father. Uh and this is uh brought from chronicles which is div he says know that hashem is god. So he's bringing over and over another puss from from Tahill. So these verses he says teach us to know and be mindful of God's presence at all time and not to forget him for a moment. So there's many different ways a person can cling on to Hashem obviously to be a real masid person walks around with some type of safe or some type of something. You know they used to have always used to have these little uh they call the pearls you know that he had in the muna or whatever. This is like my thing you know always in the pocket whenever. Now I'm carrying around a a what do I have here? Huh? Men and Marv, you know, I went down a few Madridas. I need to start putting pearls back into my pockets. You know, whatever. It's not so much whatever. But after a while, you end up in a place you realize you need to in most of the circles I'm hanging around, I'm definitely not pulling this thing out to to uh to dab out of. So it says um that there's many kings that constantly remind the subjects that they have a ruler, right? And we want to make sure that they know that there that you you have a melik. So surges soldiers in particular are trained to know who their king and who their master is in order that his fear should be on their faces as it brings a schmos so that they should serve their master unconditionally. So subordinates are constantly told know that you have a lord and that you have a master. So this is this is common in the world of monarchy that there is a ruler there's a ruler and then there's subjects. The idea that the Torah is trying to get us to understand is that this is our way of ya like we should know that Hashem is with us at all times and we should know that we have a master and hashem is mish ruling. He hashem is is the person in control. So there's many different ways. So one of them we obviously know is is is is is talking to Hashem. I was going to say he's build of this but I want to kind of separate these things a little bit because he baudoot literally means to be in seclusion. Boo teaches something else called a private scream. That person could cry out to Hashem even in the midst of a crowd and be around people but he's crying to Hashem. I've been z to be around sadik and many different sadikin. Uh one of the things that I saw specifically around Rav Arouch lips always moving. I think it was a midrash also brought about yphadic even when he was inside the prison lips was always moving always talking to Hashem at every single point. They say this also I heard this about the same time also to always constantly bring Hashem before him at all times. He's remembering he has a master. Why? Because he's bringing Hashem's presence into every place that he's going. He's not stopping. He's talking to Hashem at every single instance of his life. It It's going on. So, we we we had an incident just now. Here we were on our way here and Vano said something. I'm sorry. You don't mind me saying your neighbors in public, do you? I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. So, we we drove past and there was no parking spots over here, you know. So, he said, "I dive in." He said, "Maybe I just didn't dive in enough, you know." So, man, because as soon as we got out, there were two parking spots like right there. Yeah. As soon as they answer only if he would have hit that extra turn, you know. I don't know if I told him to park over I think I told him to park over there. Oh, no. It's all good. So, Hashem wanted us to walk a few extra extra steps or whatever over there. But the idea is that, you know, constantly talking to Hashem and not giving up even for a second. Not even giving up for a moment. I'm telling you, I had one time I was so I was so down and out. I didn't have a single dime and it was coming close to Shabas. I didn't have money. I did tell you this thing and and I said to myself already at this time I was very big on the Hashem I'm throwing myself on you. It's not a little bit it's it's a lot of it. The the the says literally to wait on Hashem. You throw everything on. You wait for Hashem. Wait for Hashem's salvation. Says it over and over and over again all throughout. It says it all throughout the wait on Hashem. Right? So I said I'm going to wait on Hashem. The only problem is is that when you're married, you're not the only person waiting. You understand? And the and the and the and the and the to be able to convince somebody else that they also should be waiting on Hashem is much harder to do. You know, not everybody's uh reading what you're reading or as inspired as you're inspired at the time. Uh and so we were sort of at this time back and forth like you know it's like you shabas is almost starting. You know, what do you think Hashem wants from us? And Hashem wants us to wait. He says, "Why do you think Hashem wants you to call somebody else, you know, to ask a feeling like I'm not going to borrow wants me to have wants me to have what it's going to be?" So, in the end of of of me, you know, trying to make this tug of war, I finally I gave in and I said, "Okay, I'll just I'll give it another call." And then only because she's making me, you know, like woman's nervous. It's like, you know, I don't trust you. I've trusted you before. I know, you know. So, so make the call and somebody says, "Oh, yeah, no problem." I said, "And I felt so defeated. So, so defeated, whatever." Afterwards, time the money goes in there, goes inside the counter. I go and I look after a while, I purchase something. And I said, "That's more money than what the person sent. Why isn't the money sent?" Turns out that there was another transfer that already went into my to my bank account that was already there. And I said I said look if we would have just waited on the sh we had enough money already but two you understand so so so when a person is working out their ama and they're working on the level and a person's living with Hashem and you actually throw it on Hashem it works it just actually works and a person will see Hashem's not only going to make it to where a person has to do the evod of bringing hashem there it's a ya I know I know that hashm is here so he's saying that Hashem, he wants you to know that he is Hashem and he wants you to know that he is God and not to ever forget it. He says he says we need to be reminded time and time again because we will easily forget. We live in a world where there are so many different distractions. However, the distractions and temptations he says of this vain world cause many to forget to forget it much of the time. And this is why the Torah reminds us know that Hashem is God. know that God know the God of your father and that is to say bring this knowledge deep within yourself until it is bound tightly in your mind and in your heart at all times. That means that person doesn't forget no matter where he's if he's in a in a in an area of mam he's in a mamisha he's down it doesn't matter how far the person is he doesn't leave or depart from the idea that he knows that Hashem is God Hashem is with him meaning that because he because Hashem is who he is that he is capable of rescuing me and taking me out of wherever whatever place that I've got I've gotten to but a person won't forget if it's deep embedded into his heart I have a question. What's the What's the like like uh how do you know like what's not supposed to be taken out right now? Like what's praying and trusting trusting? Like just like it just seems like maybe it's just meant for you to do the situation. That's it. Someone jailing for years they trust maybe in jail. Is that a concept also? It it could be a concept. Right. So there's two different Iana when it comes to the idea of and really some people say they're madas right I think we discussed it maybe a little bit before there's one idea where a person has in the shim so therefore I trust whatever it is that Hashem gives me I'm I'm going to be mab I'm going to accept it with with love and with patience and and with whatever serenity that I need to have at that time and to know that Hashem is with me is going to take care of me right so that's one level so then there's another uh level mga where no specifically according to my is how much Hashem is going to give me. So if I really honestly believe in Hashem that Hashem wants to do me good and whatever I want good also I'm going to dive into Hashem for what I want and if I have the because I trusted in Hashem Hashem is to help me out. He's to take care of what it is that I relied on him for. This comes out a lot in also brings it there. We know people like have trust in their like they got taken out and they got put back in or they they just or they're trusting they're trusting they're praying that just eventually they just did not get help. So here's the thing once a person says the words I davened about it they gave up. That's once you say I've dabbed like in past tense that means you gave up. All right. And there were only two people in history that Hashem said they're not allowed to d that was Mosher Rabenu and Yahu and Nav, right? Who brings. So apart from that, you're never allowed to think that you're out of the game. There's never a time that a person is allowed to think that, oh, I'm out of the game. Oh, maybe Hashem just wants me. All of that is this is exactly against teaches. All right. A person dos until you receive the Yeshua. Period. And a lot of people, it's very hard for people to say that because people don't understand what it means to have endurance and prayer and to feel it. You understand what I mean? It's like it's it just it's a real thing. A lot of people have never been to the level of of of really breaking themsel and praying the mysterious nephesh. You understand what I mean? You can imagine how many people billions of people there are in the world right now. And think about how many people have actually completed more than you know even a day even but more than two days of an hour of his boldness there are very few people right and they're probably to meet them whoever they are you understand what I mean to think about it how much we're talking about endurance of toil to really truly dab in on something until Hashem answers you for that particular thing right so I I give you another story I I started going public with the story a few years ago as I was used to give them my story. So when I started the um right before Shame came out, so I I went through a lot of different tufas where I was homeless and and different things like that with my family right after my my gabas. I talked about this a little bit more, but uh right around the time before came out at that point, you have to understand I didn't I didn't have a clue like what the magnitude of what that stone was going to do. All I can tell you is at the time I think before we went to go shoot the video I was 2 months behind on my rent. I was working for Cole. I had no idea where my next dime was going to come from. And during this time I was I was I felt very very moved to to pursue pursue music. This is we were actually having this conversation in the car. So this is what was happening around that time. And so I I knew that I was supposed to use my tapki. Nisha made it very, you know, clear um to do it. But I I just at the same time it was very hard for me to give up like, you know, maybe I should still, you know, work my job. I can't just throw everything in. Hashem, are you sure? Like this is what I should be doing. I had that career, you know. So you have this back and forth. So, at some point, uh, when we were like two months behind and, uh, the time came for us to go and film the video for Hashim, I remember I arrived to New York. I didn't have a dime in my pocket. I couldn't buy myself a bagel. Okay, that's how broke I went. I literally went with nothing. I may have had a penny, you know, maybe. Right. So, I get off the plane and uh, uh, my good friend Dove Pau picked me up. Shout out to Shim Camps. Uh so dove pa and that's when we actually met. So we became really good friends. We there we talked with schmooz whatever and I hadn't even met God in person yet. God elbas god elbas in person yet. And so he had some concert whatever we end up meeting or whatever. And so we were there and and I tell you the video was you know it was a it was a hard hard day to get through. You know God was this superstar pop star whatever. I don't think I even had a dressing room. So, we were so we were uh filming the last part of the uh of the song and uh and it was it was the first thing that we that we shot, but somehow like we I I think we maybe one taped it, two take it. It was like it was like very it came so natural. It was so much like fire and I felt it and it just clicked in me. I said, "Hashem, I have to do every I have to do this. This is what I need to be doing." And I'm using, you know, before I would I would talk about a shim like tuck it and like, you know, keep it kind of hidden. But like when the song say, what else am I going to what am I going to sing? What else am I going to talk about on this song? Rolls-Royce. Can't talk about Rolls-Royce. So, I don't know what it was. I I heard the song before. I felt it very strongly about it, but after performing it there for the video, I was just like I felt so like a shame. Okay, it clicked, you know. And so, we filmed the rest of the video. It was a, you know, it was a rough patch, you know, trying to make it through, you know, other people taking care of you. It was very embarrassing. I remember I came back and by the time I was back, I think it was only a couple weeks, we were like 3 months behind. And so my wife is just like, "What are we going to do?" And I said, "You know what? I I just have to be obedient to Hashem. I know that Hashem wants me to use my gift and my talent for this and all that." She says, "You know, I think Hashem wants you to get a job, you know, a new one." we're hearing different things from Hashem, you know, like you know, what could we do? So, right around that time, I I had just finished the safer talking about. So, at this point, I'm fired up. I'm I'm ready to use my trust in my Hashem. In addition to that, uh, speaking of those pearls, it was a few of these different pearls and a few different books from Ravarish at the time that um, that you know, every time I opened them, he he talked about this story where he was in debt and he went to go work for Hashem and everybody thought he was crazy. What he meant by working for Hashem, he went out to go cry out to Hashem every day. That's what he did until Hashem redeemed him. So, I had that working on at the same time and then trying to convince my wife that this is like I'm receiving this from Shmayim. Trust me guys, don't try this at home. So at some point me and my wife were talking one day and I and I said to her, I said, you know, maybe, you know, we should just dive in about this together. Let's talk. My wife's she's very broken. My wife's much holier than me. She's she's uh much bigger, you know, she's much much more connected to Shim even than I am. And so I thought that that would be the thing we would agree on. So she's like, I my decision's already made. you need to get like two more jobs that whatever. So I thought she was done. So a couple days later she came to me and she said, "What do dreams mean?" So I said, "I don't know what dreams mean and it could mean, you know, the chol was a good chol." Probably you should have had a flesh trolling. My wife's vegetarian, so I don't know. So I said, I said, "Sometimes dreams do mean something, but most of the times they don't mean anything." I said, "So why would you dream?" She says, "I'm not going to tell you." I said, "Me not going to tell me?" He said, "You didn't like going to tell me the dream." I said, "If it doesn't mean anything, tell me." She says, "Well, if it doesn't mean anything, why would I tell you? So why back and forth?" So later that night, I finally I convinced her to to tell me about the dream. She says, "You know, the other night we talked about it." She said, "I did, dab. I talked to Hashem." And I and I feel very strongly. Um and and she went to sleep and she said she had a dream. She said, "You on the stage and so many people were making chuvo. So many people were coming back to shim. You were doing your thing." She said, and it was so real. She She's like, "Mom's felt." She said, she touch, she said, but it was just a dream. Wow. Don't do anything. Don't do anything. So, she went back to sleep. I I was up early the next day. I went and put in my notice at the col immediately for like immediate. Yeah. Wow. And I went out after that every single day and I went to go talk to Hashem for 6 hours straight in the forest for 22 days straight. So, it was 22 days straight. I thought I was going to do even more. I was going to answer. I was going to cry out to Hashem until he answered. Six hours a day. Six hours a day. Every day six hours I cried out to Hashem. I was in the upper limb even on Shabas. So I had so my my chabas was I dabbed early in the morning. And then so while everybody else was still going, I went and cut into the uh at the the mikvah room. So during the during the day, you know, guys could use it also too. There was like a separate area for for the men. So I went inside the room and I would cry out to Hashem. Six hours straight. Was it conversation or was it conversation or was it also mainly was it mainly requesting talking to Hashem? It was everything that Rabenu was saying but elongated talking out to Hashem. Ravage brings such an idea in some of his forum about this. So I I I needed a major Yeshua. I was in a my back was against the wall. But what was more to me at that time was dabbing to Hashem to do what my tapid was. Hashem was already revealing to me and showing me what what I needed to do, right? And showing me what the tool was. The tool was me. It's not that the music is is is what Hashem wanted me to do. It's the tool by which Hashem allowed me to be able to affect people and to be able to be Makadesh's name. So, I'm asking Hashem more than anything else. I barely I'm telling you this. I barely talk to Hashem about what my financial state was at the time. I was much more so interested in being a Tino or being a a pipe for Hashem. And this is what I do with Hashem about for the most most of the time. So by day 17 I get a call from God eldas. I have to say who who last name there cuz you know talking to Hashem a lot of time I say talk to God after 17 days people are going to be like whoa it's only takes 17 days. So so so you got to see him face to face. I say face to face pan. So guys come and he says we made a hit. We mamish made a hit. So I didn't understand what he was saying because I can see the song had just come out right and uh on the outside you can't really see you know YouTube has this thing where like will hold your hold back your views and whatever the case is especially something that's going viral because they need to check to make sure that you know everything is real whatever. And so by day 18 was like completely exploded. And then literally by day 18 I got calls from all over the world from Germany, Brazil and everything. And one day I was out of debt in one day. One day completely completely in one day. What I'm telling you is is that one day I mean it was 18 days but I'm saying but it took one day of phone calls and everything was good. It was for gigs and things or Yeah, for gigs. mitzvah first big hit. Yeah. Yeah. But the the idea here is the idea of living and throwing everything on Hashem. You understand what I mean? Now my idea was that I didn't have a a single sect and I'm not saying this anybody can achieve this not because it was me but I'm saying the idea is that if a person goes into something and you eliminate sect there's no no amalch or coming up to pim a person is not thinking about any amalch right a person can achieve so much with the shim there's no such thing as oh I davened no it's I'm dvening you know I'm saying so the moment that a person has in their mind that oh I I already prayed about it. That means you gave up. Once it becomes a past tense, that means you were mish and you gave up. There is no such thing as giving up. If a person wants to achieve something, especially a devusha, something that's holy. You mean I, you know, I prayed about it. There's no such thing as I prayed about it. So just to answer that, you know, in short, I'm sorry you had to get the full whole full story, but you brought out a lot. Yeah, that's incredible. So, so there's no such thing as giving it up. No. Okay. You also talked about acceptance. Acceptance. Yeah. If a person skips that step of acceptance. So, it's really like no, I won't accept. I won't accept, you know, I won't I won't give up cuz I I will not accept. Right. So, it doesn't fit in. Right. I hear what you're saying. There is a level of accepting the fact that a person is in the mat. But that's just really the idea of knowing the reality and not you don't want it to come from the wrong place. Understand? So you don't want the the lack of accepting of what the situation is to come from the wrong place of like you know living to some degree in a denial. Right? Cuz that's what causes a person but the the evidence of that usually is is when the person gave up. You understand what I'm saying is that you you weren't makaba the fact that this was from Hashem, right? Because that that part of it never leaves. The fact that it's that whatever matz or whatever tar the person's in the fact that that came from Hashem that never leaves. It never leaves a person's mind. It doesn't mean so therefore because you have this and you're going with this level of beten that you you you skip that that area because and that's for those who who look at this as as a madrega not a different like path, right? So you could be that there's those who have a path where they're saying that nope I'm not mashim this is not what you want from me right and they could be very sure about it such a story like uh not something that was something that was present at the time of rabbi aka another and they heard the screams and what was going on maybe was no it's not my house I just know it's not it's not my house it's not coming from my house you know somebody was being attacked I think at this time or whatever such a thing maybe was so it wasn't coming Man wouldn't do that to me. Such a mad dragon, such an Indian or a person. No, I don't I don't know. I have to go into other fortune for that. I I I didn't see that anywhere, but it could be. I wouldn't be surprised if it doesn't exist somewhere. Let's say people really just like praying for years. They don't see any Yeshua like that's just not a sign they should accept the situation. This is what it is. Says that person may die for a very long time. He says even years, any months, any many days or whatever. And he still sees by himself that he didn't, you know, pass schlaval if he didn't he didn't get anywhere. He says nevertheless, nevertheless, you keep diving. Why? He says because every single diving of person is making a rosham on high with the shim just because you can't see it. There are some people who unfortunately I don't know why. I didn't see what the reason would be. I would imagine that there's something brought down in the ar, but I didn't see the reason why. by Rebainu which usually happens. So sometimes if Rabbena says something is like open-ended, you'll find it later on by the kis army or something like that. You'll find it somewhere. So I just didn't find this yet. But as to the explanation as to why there's some people who don't get to see it in this world, they only see it in the next world. But they don't see all of what they accomplished in this world. But for most people, you're going to see here, you know, for most people, I mean, I don't think we should be looking for that. You know, it's like the one guy who like, you know, what if like when I die, I'm not really dead. you know, like what are you talking about? Like what are you thinking about? Like you know, no, there's been stories like this. It's like, okay, one or two out of seven billion people, it's only going to happen to you. Like, you know, like so so so a person starts to think like, you know, we've heard of Jewish groups like that. Yeah. Yeah. I believe it. People die, they're not dead, you know, like you know, this stories of people accidentally buried alive and different things like that. You know, I remember hearing a story like that one time. I was like stuck on it for so long. just what if I'm not actually dead? You know what I'm saying? You know, then you die a second death because now you're there inside the cast and they start piling in. You know, like people think of crazy things. We should all all know of uh you know, you know, so no such things, but I'm saying people think of like the worst thing of one out of a billion things that happen and they go like, "What if that happens to me, you know, and then they live with it and it stops Jim from serving a shim today?" Like, you know, it's like You know, we we can't think of of of such a thing. Hashem wants to help us. Hashem's Hashem's going to help us. You're never supposed to just accept the situation like of course for sure. For sure. I accept it. Right. That's a part of that's part of my is that I believe that this is coming from Hashem. I believe that Hashem is doing it for the best. Believe is doing good. But my is taking me even further. My is saying that I'm also going to trust in Hashem. only just for this moment that this is what he wants from me, but I'm saying I'm going to drive my to say that Hashem is going to also pull me out of this situation. There's no such thing. I mean, think about that. This is what we talked about before about if a person is a muna is is is is uh is shalem really is everything. Meaning that Hashem loves the person, he wants to do good for the person. And so to is also a tove that we understand. Hashem doesn't want to only be on, you know, on his good, right? So there's a lot of things that are good by in in Shmay but we don't understand why those things are good. He dabbed he said that we should all always ask Hashem for Rahmanas that we can understand. There's some Rahmanas we don't understand from Hashem rightas but we should be in the habit of ding for Hashem. I also want to be able to see the good. So Hashem wants to do good for the person and he wants that it should be a good that we should understand that it's good from Hashem. So whether it's coming from the Tsar, whether it's coming from something that we actually identify as good, the goal is never for a person to be in a state of feeling constricted or feeling as if he's being punished or he's being rebuked or you know that that's not where Hashem wants the person and that's not why things are happening to us for you to mumish me in a place like that. Right? The goal and the idea is to get to a place to where a person shal he's he's he's whole and he's and he's happy he's bimh and he's living and he's tranquil you know that's the way to be living with the shin. So if a if a person is going through a hard time he has to understand that you know one of the things we know what's the the one of the greatest uh availabo is is at is depression the person finds himself down like there's no use for this mida like we have no need for it it's not like this is mamish coming from the clipas from the other side completely so the moment that a person ever feels sadness and feels down that's a thousand% not coming from hashem he could on that it's not coming from Hashem right so it's not the way he should be reacting in in that place so if a person's in that place or he feels forced to be in that place he can already be assure that this is not what Hashem wants for him right so you understand what I'm saying is you can already be sure this is not what Hashem wants from me right wants you to be happy and the fact that you realize that even if you're feeling God's food is a reason to be happy All right. Also to also to we're not all on your levels above us already. All right. No, not at all. So he says each person's make sure we're over here. He says perfect knowledge is when you bind your mind and your heart so that you know Hashem. Hashem is your God. He says that when you bring this knowledge into your heart, you will be filled with awe with with deep awe, with fear and reverence and of Hashem and you will not sin. He says the person will not commit advance. So that means we only know Hashem so much. Most of us, most people only know Hashem a little bit. Most of people haven't got to know Hashem to such a degree, right, to where he no longer does a vas anymore. But the idea there though is is something very beautiful and we talked about a few classes. The the idea of of connecting with Hashem with the Muna is lifealtering, right? That it has to alter a person's life. A person cannot have an encounter with Hashem and live his life completely the same way that he did before. Right? It's you can you can have a you can have a moment you can have a flash and there are these these times of a lotment of heus of awakening that sometime gets sent down some shepher from Hashem that just happens you know every once in a while but a person doesn't actually have a an encounter with Hashem on a real level on a place of like wow I come into a new understanding of Hashem and stay the same it just doesn't happen something changes in the person right so what that affects depends on the person but on the deepest level is bringing here that a person will actually uh um come to a place that they will not commit evidence anymore because they know Hashem that much how could I so each person's knowledge and awareness of God are unique to him are unique to himself according to his horizons of his heart that's what we talked about a little bit Hashem knows our love language Right? Hashem knows how to speak to us. He knows exactly how to make sure that it's going to you and and and it's not for me and it's it's for him to another person. You know, like see brings in the beginning. It says that you know Kean Yachi the way I know Hashem you can't relate it over to another person even to himself. So for sure you're not giving over to the next person that Hashem just made this aware to you right? You have a new understanding of Hashem and you're trying to give over to another guy, but Hashem spoke to you. Doesn't reach the horizons of his heart, but it reaches yours. So, Hashem knows how. And our basic knowledge says of Hashem derives from what we have been taught by our holy fathers who struggled all of their lives to divest themselves of all material attachments. They wanted to get rid of it. So there's very famous by the um by Aam bin Rambam that that wrote oh how did I just lose the safer where's the safe there's a section over there on on his bodus over there huh speak yeah so he brings over there that the reason why the avot became shepherds was for the sake of his bodus right so they could have did other things they could have gone into different businesses but the reason why they became shepherd specific specifically was to carve out their time with them and Hashem. They did they wanted to be misbburdened. So this is why they all did it. So they they got rid of all of the material attachments of this world and it says they conquered all of their negative traits and all of the desires releasing themselves from all the show the whole entire show of of R. And this was how they came to true recognition and understanding of Hashem of their creator. That's how they understand what he do, right? It sounds like do make someone not do commit. Huh? It sounds like he bo. Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. That's the deepest connection person can go into from is from this between them and Hashem because the more and more a person talks to it's just a natural thing. It becomes a reality to the person that Hashem is there. So ultimately he experiences more pratas, he has more divine providence. He experiences it ultimately brings him closer to he enters into more all of it is not or it's more like treating you with a friend and treating him like a friend. Exactly. Where's the ore? Huh? Where's the or the fear? But it's also a part of his. So just because brings at one point that you need to talk to Hashem like he's your best friend. There's many other different that bring also to that a person needs to have fear and all says on himself. He says I am a storehouse of your shine. So bayerson himself right and what's the main way that he brings his students closer he wrote it in a letter that writer I think actually wrote a letter but he made a loot in a letter that as if it was raenu talking he says that even though raenu benu says that he's a storehouse of uh storehouse of yayim he says specifically raenu said the way that I brought you all close to hashem was by the way of his bobus right so person is a natural year the more and more you spending time with the shim you don't just you know go you know smack pat him on the back and hashem what's up you know like you know as meaning best friend to the idea of that I'm going to not hold anything back right I'm not going to withhold myself from talking to hashem about whatever it is that's bothering me whatever is going on in my my life the things that I have any of the inyanim that I'm struggling with personally I'm not going to hold back from hashem but we don't we don't you know degrade hashem down into a place now the fewer person's at it may be necessary there are times People have asked me like, you know, is it okay for me to yell at a shim? What if I don't use the best language and all of that? You know, and then I I usually tell people, sorry, I usually tell people the truth is is that you haven't been talking to Hashem. Hashem wants to hear from you. I don't care how you how you say, Hashem wants to hear from you. No doubt about it. So, you'll work yourself through the motions and eventually also brings in to that the make cha chuva. Make a cha. So you'll say sorry later for how you talk to Hashem. You know what I'm saying? Later on you're going to say sorry. You know Hashem, I talked to you and I spoke to you in my place. Later on you're going to say sorry because you're going to realize the awe of Hashem. You're going to see how great Hashem is and you're going to feel bad about what you did. But the first thing first is begin the relationship. Go in with both feet. Let Hashem have it. It's all good. Hashem could take it. You know like the volat brings. He has more sleekers than we have of theirs. So we we let us have it. He has more forgiveness than we can ever sin before he hashem. Hashem has more forgiveness. It's a bigger bowl over there. Forgiveness than than the ability of how much avance that a person can even make. So therefore person should go and talk to in the way that he feels right because Hashem will come closer to a person. We said is close to call out out to him in truth. Be met person. I'm speaking my truth. Hashem this is where I'm really at. And that's fine. the more and more I build the relationship, I'm gonna realize, shim, how did I talk to you like that? I can't believe it. I talked to Hashem that way. You know, it's a it's a crazy. So, we we there is to begin the relationship. Begin the relationship. So, it says your sins and persons of errors and wrongdoings may cause you great anguish and you may suffer the worst agonies of regret. Yet your very contrition over your sins actually increases your days and adds to your life. For the fear of Hashem increases one's days as it says in in Proverbs Mish. I skipped part. Oh, did I? Oh, they have left. Sorry. Oh, okay. So, it says, "But if you have true faith, let me see. We're like second paragraph." Oh. Oh, yeah. The second the second to last paragraph right here. Yeah. Where are we at? They I lost myself. They left this good heritage to us. That's also good. Okay. I was already in there. I was I was I picked up from where I was on the last page. We were I flipped it. All right. So that's coming soon. All right. So So they left this good heritage talking about the avote. Sorry about that. And and our duty um is to accept it with the utmost joy. So happy are we? How good is our portion? How pleasant is our love? How beautiful is our heritage? As we say as we say in the chakras. So they left behind these beautiful inyan for us like amuna and and and nephish and all these other things these things yadic left back kadusha we have certain things from the avot that we have access to that other people don't have access to but these are these are part of the the yusha that we got from from the avote it's interesting he's translating auh happy we're happy ah ah is like you know we're fortunate Yes. Fortunate. Happy are we. Happy are we. The same thing. When a person's fortunate, he's happy. I'll take it. I'll take sure. Who's wealthy? Who's fortunate? Yeah. Right. Right. It's all the same concept. True or simple. This is when the to Torah tells us to know God, to know Hashem, it is teaching us to bring this holy knowledge into our minds and in our thoughts and to bind it in our heart hearts constantly at all times in order to shimos that his fear will be upon our faces so that we will not sin. It's a big thing. I take Hashem to some very very dark places sometimes. You know that's the real truth is that and and and the and there is such a light like this and this brings it back to his bodies because talks about you could tell who has his bodies or not right person that talks to Hashem you could tell whether or not he has it there's a certain aura and light right that comes about from talking to Hashem and and and also brings if a person wants the organ if he wants to be able to taste of it sorry legs are getting stuck here if he wants to be able to taste of the organ then he needs to engage in a lot of sifa between him and Hashem in order to get it. What's G news? G news is like a hidden like something that's secret. Yeah, like a hidden light, right? A hidden light. Oh, what's up, man? You're late. Nobody Nobody saw. Nobody saw. No one noticed. I was only waiting for you. Now we could start. Now we can start. We just missed you. That's all. It's all coming from missing you. So he says the non-believers. Next section right here. He says the good life. So he says people that don't believe in Hashem, the non-believers have no life in this world because as soon as things go against them and certainly when trouble strikes, they simply have nowhere to turn. They have nobody to turn to since they attribute everything to nature. Yeah. That's why I feel so bad for this generation struggling like a generation struggle with these things like connection trust and faith like lacks help. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. No, it's a very true thing. It's very hard. And it says that they're left with nothing to fortify themselves as you said because they they have no trust in Hashem. So they're finished and and it's you said it right because it's more you know many years ago I don't know if there was so so much of a such thing of as anxiety like there is now you know there are many different there are many different physical things that um contribute to this also too lack of movement lack of activeness. People were much more active than they were today. Today a lot of more people work at work in front of computers and you know only a shim knows what all this technology is doing to our brains and all that and all the kids are outside a lot huh kids are outside a lot they were back then today most kids are playing video games right they're not outside as much yeah they're not outside as much so all the kids are scared the adults are scared everybody's scared cuz there's a certain to to to the exercising and moving and all the endorphins that it causes to a person I'm talking all pva right now so I'm saying on the physical level even you understand what a person's going through. So you know much more so the spiritual depravity of this generation on top of that you're headed for a disaster. You're really headed for you don't believe in Hashem you are headed for a disaster in this generation. It's it's really really true. And he says, "But the one who has faith and believes in Hashem has a very good life. And even when trouble strikes, he can still fortify himself with this trust in Hashem." And I know that this is true. I I was a very massive huge Seattle Seahawks fan. Okay. All right. I used to love the Seahawks. All right. And uh and it took a lot of doubling and crying to shim to get over my football addiction. Okay. All right. But and I know I know this is silly, but I have to tell you this. You know, there would be those tough games, you know, and you're like down to the wire and then in the end, you know, you lose the game. You know, you're like, ah, you know, even though, you know, it's all steal the whole everything, whatever. You feel it. You know, you feel it. You know, I used to comfort myself. I still have a shim, you know. At least I still have a shim. Wow. You know, I still have a shim, you know. I mean, for me, that was my point, you know. I was like, at least I still have a shim. You know, I know it's a silly idea. It works for much deeper issues than that also, but but you know, if you can if you can if you can realize that that even in the midst of any type of struggle, you know, h such a struggle, lose a football game is not such a big deal. But wherever a person is in their life that at the end of the day, I still have a shim. Hashim is still with me. Oh, this deal didn't go through. It didn't happen the way I wanted it to happen and uh now this is going to set me back or this thing or I lost this thing or I lost that person in my life. Whatever the case it is. At the end of the day, a person's able to fortify himself with the fact that he still be talking to Hashem. I can still trust in Hashem, right? Because he knows that everything is for the best. This is acceptance being like we were talking being Makab. So either the suffering will cleanse him of his sins or eventually bring him some great benefit. You know, one of the things is going to happen. Hashim is going to take care of me regardless of how it happens. So, brought a different idea. I forget where it was. Where was that? There's a whole story of Hashgaka brought this and it and in a case I can't remember it was this idea that there was supposed to be some nace. was juxtaposed to some story where there was some radical nace told the story and it was like no nace it was like stomp something happened say he says that was also working in this story also you know you know was also working it's cuz you didn't see some crazy poor something no was also working in this so sometimes hashem wants it to come like this or sometimes not that like that and and what happens a lot of times this is probably also to your point also to is like sometimes there are also those moments where person dobins and dobins and dabbins on something and then you come to realize thank you Hashem you didn't answer me you know I'm so happy you didn't answer those tilas right cuz Hashem where would I have been if that would actually happened you know a certain maturity a person has in their in their relationship with Hashem and and and who they are and they're able to be honest with themselves to know that if that would happen hashem I don't know if I'd be serving you right now if that would have happened right I don't think I I would be here So there's also the aspect of it also. So he says for Hashim's intention is certainly for the good. So therefore a person of amuna a man of faith always has a good life both in this world and in the world to come. The non-believers however have no life either in this world or in the next. And those who really know them see that they are always racked with suffering and they endure constant pain and anxiety because things never go exactly as they want. All their days is filled with anger with pain and anger. And in this world is impossible for everything to go the way that one wants. It's impossible. So those who ignore the truth enduring purpose uh enduring uh the enduring purpose of life satisfying only the material desires are doomed to a life of constant pain and suffering without having any way to console themselves. So there was a there there was a years ago came out with a su called oradash. So was very controversial because he was like you know telling people like no no no to tell straight on be very stern with the shim about what it is you want. So he he made sure that people understood he's talking about when it comes to to things in people start thinking you can start screaming for Ferrari. You understand what I mean? It's a different thing. So and clarity because there's other places and Rebana talks about this also too when you're allowed when you're supposed to be patient and be kind. And it's specifically Rebana is talking about over here when it comes to material things when it comes to things of of religiosity and things that are going to actually be uh spiritual that's going to connect a person to Hashem. We don't accept we accept our level in our madrega but we're always pushing to go more. So when it comes to spiritual things, this concept nerv has like stealing a prayer. You could steal exactly. So you're saying that doesn't apply to to spiritual things. I'm saying to physical things like we we discussed before. You could only to steal something from God only applies to physical things. No, no, no, no, no, no. Now, we're not actually fix that. We're not actually stealing from Hashem, right? We're stealing from from from what's going on in the world. Meaning that you have something that you're supposed to do and you've allotted allotted your time for that right now, right? And for whatever reason, there's a little bit of a time of a break and or you could be busy with something else. And Raenu is saying steal the time, right? That's stealing Hashem's time. Hashem's with you all the time. He's he's he's ready and available. So what we're stealing over there is we're stealing time from whatever activity we're involved with at the time to take that time to say something to Hashem or to learn something, whatever the case is. So that's the idea of stealing time. The um the other part of um the other part of of of asking Hashem for spiritual things versus material things is is brought by by Renasan that says that we we talked about this I think before also too is that there's a tila that's higher than lim tora and there's a tila that's lower right so things that are for for da these things are higher things that are for physical and material things these things are lower. So we're talking about a madre of the tila and what things we should be pushing and what we should be satisfied. So a lot of times when it comes to material things we don't push and you'll see what you'll see later on he talks about sitting waiting being patient don't push the hour don't be don't push the hour right has a different lush when it comes to looking for rrookness when it comes for growing and elevating yourself that's when a person turns on the push right now we don't get complacent and say you know like a lot of people say I'm just a simple yeah and I'm not so whatever you know and then what does that person do when it comes to business or whatever he wants to be the best he's got to be the top of the top. He's not settling for anything else. When it comes to this Yiddish guy, I'm not such a tadik. I'm just a simple Jew and then he says we're the opposite. When it comes to pronounce, huh? Even if you're pushing by roughly it's supposed to push like like in a strong way or even supposed to be like like you're begging you you push yourself you beg you begging to doesn't mean I'm not being makabo we have to look at even this idea but says that a person has one hour of the day that you're allowed to have a leisha that you're allowed to have a broken heart before hashem meaning seeking beseeching hashem chuva all of those things because from a deep place of yearning and crying out to that hem of that place. That's only one hour really. After that, the other 23 hours we have a mandate to be bas and to be happy with Hashem and whatever. So that's usually so I usually tell people if you are going to take on like a long amount of hours like six hours whatever one hour you could do chuva once hour you could you could do chuv don't spend six hours in cha you know. Huh? Huh? Where did you do that? Talking to Hashem, being basing Hashem for for whatever it is that you want, but you're not coming from this place of crying and like, you know, you go and spend that time with Hashem appropriately. So, one hour. So, meaning that outside of that already, you're not trying to put yourself in such a situation where even when it comes for that you're like mamish, obsessingly, overly crying to where you're going to fall flat flat on your face because Hashem's not giving me what I need. So if you don't have the acceptance part at first say okay this is my madrega hashim but I want to be here I'm going to push myself a little bit more okay I'm not holding in the hour I'm talking to already 5 minutes okay tomorrow 6 minutes I'm going to do things I'm going to use strategy like says it's the whole entire opposite lion that used when it comes from physical things and when it comes to spiritual things and and physical and material things says don't be don't push the hour he says be patient except that it's from Hashem He says that you know people do all these different type of strategimms and everything to try to get rich and all that. Bainu brings it and then when it comes to rrookes says person's got to push himself. He should be most in that fish. He should he should you know you know never give up an keep fighting. He says use strategy at this time. It is a good time to use strategy to get to make a strategy to get closer to Hashem. Set things in place to where you're going to come close to Hashem. It's an opposite language than what the world speaks. The world speaks precisely the opposite, right? It's a very interesting thing. So, but if you have a if you have true faith, your main hope is in the world to come. The person is living with that. And he's always thinking about, you know, thinking about his time after this world. I don't know what he was asking. I think he was asking about food. Oh, really? Oh, sh. Amen. So, but if you have true faith in ama, so your your main hope is in the world to come. That's what a person's thinking about. I'm thinking of I'm not thinking about I'm thinking about and you therefore have a very good life. So it says whatever happens to you, you have amuna that everything is for the good and whatever comes to remind you to repent and to atone for your sins and whatever comes it's for the I think it says whatever whether it comes to remind you to repent or atone for your sins so that you may be worthy of the everlasting good in the world to come. That's my relationship to as this is helping me get to the next world. everything as I'm looking at what's going to bring me to the ultimate goal is this elation se this Vegas with Hashem being wrapped in his aava and Hashem's love that's the place I'm looking for which the main place for that is inabah it's not in this world so the things in this world I'm only my relationship with him is how you know what can you do for me you know is what can you do for me I have a goal your sins and your wrongdoing a person's of may cause you great anguish and you may suffer the worst agonies of regret. Yet your very contrition over your sins, this is why we read before on accident increases your days and adds to your life. For the fear of Hashem increases one's days. And you may experience great pain. This is this is a very very important. You may experience great pain when you regret your availance. I mean, people come up to me and just like, dude, how do you get over everything that you did before in the past? Can't live scam. He can't live now today because he's thinking about what he did. I don't know how many years ago. One guy came up to me and made chuba like he was already like I think maybe 30 years in his chuvo, you know, and he was like like still have regret on things that I had that I've done many many years ago. It's a it's a big thing that people, you know, people people need Hashem in Ber's teachings. He says you may feel because you need to understand what a gym it is. You know what a gym it is to to feel to feel that and what it's doing for a person. So he says right here, look, you may feel deeply ashamed when contemplating Hashem's exalted exaltedness and you may cringe in fear of the punishment for the things that you did because ultimately we have to have this nuda. As much as the world is very busy with oh Hashem loves me, Hashem loves me is gonna tell you how much Hashem loves you. But he says the beginning of a starts with years. So you have to have years fear of punishment. Fear of punishment. Right? So but how much of it? Everything in measurement. Because he says right here, whatever form it takes, this suffering is caused by your very fear of hashem. You're displaying your shamim right now because you feel bad already. I feel bad. I regret and I'm fearing Hashem's fearing Hashem's done. And this already the suffering right here is caused because I have and the fear of Hashim increases one's days. I'm adding to my life because I felt bad about what I did. There's asking me how do you feel? How do you get over the regret? If you understand what reward you have because you have regret that you felt something some way about it, you know how much Hashem has cleansed you because of the regret because of the karat that you have. It's a it's a it's a it's a beautiful thing. A lot of the regret come from ego. Sometimes regret does come from ego. Once it's inhibiting you, right? Like anxiety, you know, once it become a bad thing. When does hero become a bad thing? Because once it's inhibiting a person from living, once you're not no longer able to live anymore because you have it. Everybody should have some type of regret. You know, you think you can't be you can't be mel if you don't have regret. If you don't have aim, you can't you can't be you can't be a king. Can't be a mel. If Hashem can't dangle anything over your head, you know what I'm saying? Hey, hey buddy, remember, you know, if you have nothing, you know, you can't be elevated. When it's having like a negative impact on your life, a negative impact on what about it? That's like once it's having a negative impact. Exactly. Wrong fear of God. Exactly. But once I have a regret or if I've seen that I made a mistake that's going to cause me to do things differently in the in the future, I'm already I'm already I'm already mah what I did. what what I what mistake I had but the karat there is helping me to help me to realize that Ime I still have shim I still I still feel bad there's something to rejoice over fact I have shim I feel I have some make person accept the regret the feelings of regret the fact that he knows that it's like exactly exactly that's what I'm saying here right I'm using now I'm using this thing in the in in the way that it was designed for me because it says the very pain and anxiet add to your days. This is the fuel for for you know for for elongating your time here. So if you're a person of amuna, you will find it easier to repent. You'll have truva first. So true repentance or truva must balance the sin. You have endured pain and suffer an equal measure to the enjoyment you derived from the sin. You understand what that means? So that you know you live to some degree. So person says, "Wow, Hashem, I did a lot of things in my life. You know, I'm going to have to suffer for that long. you know to to some degree necessarily meaning in terms of time right so we have to think of time you know I've been a you know ball of era for 20 years so now I have to go through 20 years of suffering not a matter of time but it's about of of of of the agony and in in pain that that helps a person to to to be able to make cha so he says since you believe in hashem and it says god but sometimes I say hashem sometimes As I say, God, you will never be able to have complete enjoyment from any sin. A person that really believes in Hashem, he's going to feel bad. If he does something that he knows is wrong, you're not going to to have it. So, and because any wrongdoing that you do will be mixed with feelings with the full knowledge that in the end it's going to be bitter. That it will end bitterly. He says so you know the bitter punishment for each sin so that if you succumb to the temptation you are filled with regrets even as you are doing the a saw this one time in the sham he brought that that a person realizing that he's a ben even in the midst of a of an a brings a certain rahman from he realizes that even I'm stuck here but I'm a b I'm a bin I'm not a I'm not a I'm a bin I'm I'm I'm with Right? So he says that even in the midst of this the person is doing something that's also to dev the to says that Hashem is feeding the person you know giving him and life at the time he's using that very breath to commit a favor is against at the time if a person's a believes in Hashem he's not getting real seook out of it he's not getting any pleasure out of it he's causing him own self pain while he's doing it I I want to add to this on this note of like regret when it comes to I wrote in the level is I heard from he who was saying that holds pretty much everyone in the generation now is a tinish right which is concept of a captured uh kid and basically he applied that to every single aspect of yeah like generally speaking and it's I think it's maz I think it's the thing basically not treated as a willful sinner basically so even any of us who are amazing amazed when we're when we're doing um even now when we're doing sins like we're we're we're um there's There's opinions that hold that that we're not treated, we're not punished at the same level, someone who's who fully knows and everything. It's really new, you know, different have more compassion, you know, it's a different idea, different understanding and knowledge. I think 20 person because you don't have enough as well, right? Yeah, it's also that throw that. Very similar. Plenty of time, right? Plenty of time. All right. Yeah, one more year at a certain point you for certain mitzvah also you could get out of being considered a teen and then be responsible. All right the mitzvah I got 13 more months because the reason the reason why for instance it says that says that a person should know Hashem in all your ways because there could be ways you don't know Hashem and there are ways that you do know Hashem. There's certain aspects of my relationship with Hashem. I'm very tight with the shim and I know and so therefore I have a certain as opposed to other areas I don't have the in right a person knows very much so that he you know for example shouldn't hit a light on chabas and he knows this very well he said in like it's it's pressure for him he understands that it's true but he probably didn't know that if he you know he couldn't you know if he if he walking his dog he couldn't pick up his dog and you know from that he's not he didn't know this you know what I'm saying it just He didn't know this, but this other thing he knew. I'm just using simple things. Uh, for instance, I didn't know my dog was Muka and Shabas, you know. So, he didn't know that. So, but this he knew already. So, you're right to some degree. If you know Hashem in a certain way, then you should getting a call from Yu right now. I'll call him back. So, um, so he says here that if you It says since you believe in Hashem, right? We just went through all of this and therefore it's much easier for you to repent because you do not have to endure the So there he goes right here. This a very important nuda. You guys got to hear this. This is mama's crazy. So he says, you know the bitter punishment for each sin. So that if you succumb to the temptation, you'll feel regrets as if uh with regrets even as you sin. It is therefore much easier, listen to him, for you to repent and make chuva because you do not have to endure the unbearable pains of chuva since the pleasure from your sins was never very great. Wow. For you, you feel bad, right? I made whatever and I and I felt bad. Hashem, I feel horrible. Whatever. So, that sort of makes it easier as opposed to where he says for the non-believer, the person doesn't believe in Hashem. However, the chuva is much harder for this person. It's much more of a burden because having suffered a little pain or remorse at the time of the sin, they're obligated to suffer when they repent in order to balance the pleasure of the averas that they right. Wow. So the degree that the person had pleasure from the ara is how much that person has to suffer in in the chuva itself. What do you mean suffer? meaning to Megan Mataya people who come close to Hashem I don't know how many times I heard this even though Rebenu has all the answers when a person comes close to Hashem it says that Hashem is yakar he brings him with the with the right hand but with the left hand he's pushing him away right so a lot of times there's this tug of war of like wow I'm ready to give everything to Hashem he comes and he sees that I keep falling flat on my face every time I want to do the next thing whatever all right I got you know wow today uh you know uh you know I'm I woke up early I donate and whatever I feel everything early next day God doesn't you know what happened all my zeal yesterday I have nothing to put on to feel everything's hard for me I was doing so good I was so inspired after this year last night I didn't I didn't say a single word of len today I'm on everybody and he feels bad that's I was I thought I was doing it right there's so many different things that a person wants to accomplish after they come close to Hashem and they see that listen in the Everything feels like it's in our control. That's the whole entire idea with with with the cha. We think mish like, "Oh, we're real bul. If I want to, I could do it. Whatever." Is it me? Oh, I'll stop smoking. It's no problem. His hands start shaking. All of a sudden, realize that whatever. We don't realize how much of a grasp that, you know what I'm saying, that the that this world of sheer has on the person until he starts serving Hashem. Then when he starts to want to serve Hashem and he sees how hard it really is for him to give up all the bad mid dot all the character traits all the different things and to the degree that the person enjoyed such the life before to whatever degree it could be the person's was from and and you know going in and out on his earr or or you know a person that even had much more of attachment to that fee how the person received pleasure or any type of enjoyment from that life as how much that they have to purify and cleanse themselves in this world, right? To that degree. But if a person had knowledge and understanding of Hashem so so to so much so to where they actually felt bad about the things that they did, then that also aids in the chuva. It makes the chuva much easier for the person. Wow. Right. Shim should help us. Shim is so so kind. He's so kind. Person thinks it was so bad. But I felt so bad. Yeah. What did you say? The person does sin and he feels bad about it. It makes it feel so bad. It feels bad. It feels bad. Yeah. Yeah. It feels bad. It's main job. That's That's a But I'm saying there is a good stop the cycle. That's There's a good meter for that though. Like that's what I'm saying. The chuba and chuva is is such a meter like that. I heard by um who was it? I can't believe I just forgot of Bale. Bale does a lot of stuff with BRI. One time he was given a shar and shest and I heard him give this example. He says that you know a person comes to the one day and he starts praising the he says wow you're amazing. You're so great. You're so like I can't believe I'm in front of the I go. Wow. Yes. He says why he's so excited. You understand? He said the big go. Yes. He could read Hebrew. Like what? Yeah, that's he's amazing. He can read Hebrew. And then a year later, he comes and realized he says, "Oh my goodness, what did I just say? Was he see him again?" And he goes, he even knows how to read it without the necote. He doesn't need the vowels. He can read the, you know, and then next year he comes back and goes, "Oh my goodness, that was the how could I set that?" The more that his level and degree of knowledge of understanding of who Hashem is, the more and more he has to make chuva on the previous chuva. It was insufficient. I said sorry and I had but I only knew then how bad I should feel. I didn't know I should feel that bad. Right? So now I have to say sorry on the sorry that I said because the sorry I had before was insufficient. Right. Levels levels. Levels to the game. Levels. Thank you.