A Prayer of a Young Victim of Abuse

i got an email last night 11 47 p.m he was a boy whom i have met a few times in the past he was comes from a very very prominent family a very distinguished family a very good family good you know that perfect family and very successful on many levels in the jewish community and he went to a very good yeshiva and for three years he was molested in that yeshiva abused and when he shared it with people on the top they either didn't believe it or didn't respond to it the way they should have and it shattered his life so he writes to me a personal email and he writes and i quote word for word what i mourn on tish above i mourn the loss of control of my body i mourn the loss of my childhood i mourn the loss of my teen years i mourn the loss of joy i mourn the loss of happiness i mourn the loss of peace i mourn the loss of self i mourn the loss of trust i mourn the loss of intimacy i mourn the loss of relationship i mourn the loss of freedom i mourn the loss of love i mourn the lack of family his family also didn't believe what happened i mourn the lack of support i'm on the lack of appetite i mourn the lack of caring i mourn the lack of understanding i mourn the lack of empathy i mourn the lack of awareness i mourn the lack of connection i mourn the lack of touch i mourn the loss of self-confidence i mourn the loss of positive body image i mourn the loss of autonomy i mourn the loss of an inner child i mourn the loss of a clear mind i mourn the loss of blissfulness i mourn the loss of trust in a community i mourn the lack of seeing god i mourn the lack of seeing good i mourn the lack of seeing positive i mourn the lack of seeing optimism i mourn the lack of seeing hope i mourn the lack of seeing me i pray for the end of trauma i pray pray for the end of pain i pray for the end of loneliness i pray for the end of sexual fears i pray for the end of ptsd in my life i pray for the end of my nightmares i pray for the end of my codependency i pray for the end of my suffering i pray for the end of being single and alone i pray for the completion of healing i pray for the completion of redemption i pray for the completion of love i pray for the completion of happiness i pray for the completion of family i pray for the completion of self i pray to god please let me be able to love you as much as you love me some people may be hearing this and saying oh stop being dramatic rabbi why why and stop being dramatic whoever wrote this email but that only comes because you are clueless you are really clueless you may be thinking so how do i know you may be thinking so because once upon a time i also thought so i don't judge you i also thought so stop being so dramatic but he's actually not dramatic he's actually being less than dramatic because what he's describing about himself is a truth that happened to him this is what he's experiencing this is his perception of life this is his experience of tish above and what is the psalmist telling to this young man to this young beautiful soul who at the end of all of his trauma says god allow me to love you as much as you love me i know deep down that this is not the case if he wouldn't know deep down it's not the case he wouldn't mourn you mourn for something that you lost if you never had it there's nothing to mourn but but here is the real real truth and that is that just like by joseph nobody can really snuff out your true power your true confidence your true love your true trust your true infinite potential why because you are a piece of the divine and just like hashem hashem just like nobody can destroy god nobody can destroy your invincible khelik and i tell you young man that even though you look at yourself as a little seed shriveled up emaciated lifeless numb dead they took out all the sap and vitality of it certainly nobody nurtured it into a sea that will blossom i tell you that you will be able to find that invincible seed that was planted it was planted in many difficult places it went through many many challenges but that seed will blossom great great fruits will become a source of tremendous healing awareness integrity truth and inspiration to so many people i just bless you that you should be able to see it as clearly as i see it you should be able to see it in yourself as clearly as i could see it in your very delicious and moving and powerful email that you sent me on the night of tishop of tough tough shania tess you know where i wasn't planning to read that poem much i was not planning to as i was giving the shear and i was speaking about people who go through challenge and their own tissue above i realized maybe i should read it and then i had a conflict in my mind is it too vulnerable am i disclosing information i shouldn't disclose a person wrote me a private email they didn't ask me to publicize it they didn't even think i would so in my mind just a nanosecond yes no no yes it's inappropriate is it really appropriate for a sheer it's not nice you know this is dark stuff and then i thought you know what a lot of videos on tish above a lot of programs on tisha buff i know nobody's gonna do this and this this this is this needs awareness this people should understand what people are going through and i decided i'm doing it i'm doing it i'm doing it i'm saying it but but then when i looked at the crowd i knew immediately that there are people who's like stop with this drama please i lost my this i lost my this i lost my this just as we say grow up and move on so that's why i said i know that there's people who are thinking think i'm dramatic and the writer is dramatic and i want to tell you he's not even being as dramatic as he should be because of what he's going through because i myself was clueless and you saw it triggered a very powerful electricity there was like a a hush in the crowd i mean whoever was there sought right there was a it was like uh there's a level there's levels uh there's levels of electricity on the hookup probably you couldn't hear it on the on the videos but uh it was very intense real it was intense okay uh there was like a helen uh okay i i didn't prepare it but i want you to know that uh after we're done with mancha a person came to shul he came in to me the writer of the email and he sent it last night the night of tisha buff and he said that i was watching on youtube and the amount of khizuk the amount of strength and inspiration and validation i received he said was incredible i would never imagine that you would read such a thing i sent it to you i would never imagine that you would read this in public and uh and he was just like he was he was like you know very very emotional and then he you know he thanked me for the words afterwards i said that it's a seed and you're gonna you're gonna become a tree and i realized just for that just for that yeah but i didn't know that i i wouldn't know that he was uh i guess so i guess so yeah yeah yeah and and similar people so he wasn't there but he told me that he he he watched it on youtube i was sharing with you so i knew that moment that it was it was the right thing to do and then he said what i was really impressed is that you said that i was not as dramatic as i should have been so i wondered how does he know that because it's true i didn't write all my pain i didn't write what i was experiencing i was minimizing it even though it was pretty dramatic but i was minimal she said that i was shocked by more than anything else how did you know that he said it was so true and the validation he received he never received such validation because his family you know dismissed it and everybody dismissed it and he went through a lot of tremendous difficulties good choices it was the right choice just for just for that was the right choice especially that there's other people plenty of other people watch the full class at the yeshiva.net [Music]