A Place Of Trust

I want to study a parsha something in parsha Yitzey for a few minutes. It's a story we studied already, but I'm going to come at them from a different angle. And I want to talk about two topics that that this this makes me think about. Yaakov Avinu is running away from his leaving Eretz Yisrael. He's scared for his life. Esau wants to kill me as interesting. He has two reasons to want run away from Eretz Yisrael. On the one end, Esau wants to kill him. And on the other hand, his father had sent him to find the shidduch. Don't get somebody in Eretz Yisrael, go to Haran and get a shidduch there. He runs He runs to Haran and he sees it's very Whatever you experience here, this is the first of the Avos. Avraham and Yitzchak lived in Eretz Yisrael. Yaakov goes into galus. It's very relevant, Yosef. We're not just studying Yaakov, we're studying me and you. What's true in the Avos is true in the Banim. We're literally studying ourselves. Yaakov's initial experience in galus is very, very telling about the job of a Yid. So, every part of this story is extremely important. This is Yaakov's initial descent into galus. He goes into He goes into galus and he comes to a well. And we discussed this scene. There are three shepherds with flocks, with sheep, and they're all lazing around right by the well. And when I say they're lazing around, the sheep are like sleeping. They arrived some. The sheep are lying down. Now, typically, this is the norm of the normal pattern. Obviously, when somebody's a shepherd, but all day long he's supposed to be out in the fields taking the sheep to to pasture to eat. And when they're hungry, you go and they're thirsty, you go, let's say, twice I'm making up the number, a couple of times a day, you get them water, and then you go right back to pasture. The sheep shouldn't be lying around after the day's over. When the day is done, you bring the sheep in, you give them to drink, and the sheep like chill out. During the day, you quickly give them to drink, and you bring them back to pasture, Yisif. Yaakov Avinu comes to the well, and he sees the sheep are all lying down. He's like, "What's going on here?" And he gives mussar and after he talks to the shepherds, he first talks to them. He first talks to them. It's very important that he first talks to them. It's not a trick. It's If a guy's talking in shul, and all you see is a talker in shul, there's something with you. First, you should see a good-looking guy. He's in the shul, he's so nice. His kids are with him, he's a parent. Wow. Okay, he's talking is one aspect. Yaakov Avinu doesn't just see problem children. He sees good people, and he talks to them. In middle, he says to these shepherds a little mussar avodat. Avodat Avoda, you're thieves. You have a job to do, Yisif. It's still day. Why are you lazying around here? Avodat Avoda, there's still hours left in the day. Hashkua tzain, give the sheep to drink. Go pasture. Why are you lazying around? That's what he says to the shepherds. You're thieves. If you're If you're hiring workers, you have no right to chill out here. You're You're paid for a job. Get busy. Very important. I once visited one of our guys was in camp, him and his co-counselor. And the the two bunks had a volleyball game, and he was like actively refereeing and coaching the volleyball game. His partner had a volleyball, a spare volleyball under his head, and was sleeping. It's a very ugly scene. You're paid for a job. Let's go. Let's go, you idiot. You're sleeping with a volleyball under you. You're paid for a job. Work honest. Work animal. You're paid for something. Let's go. Maybe I should be down the cops listening with the guy's day off. I don't know. Get busy. So, Yakov Avinu says to the shepherds, "So, get busy. Are you in God's world? It's not time to gather the sheep yet." The shepherds Nice to see you, Stevie. The shepherds say back, "I'm going to tell you a word I never told you before." >> cup of water? No question about it. So, Michael, the shepherds say back to Yakov Avinu, "You don't understand our system." They said, "We're not lazying. There's a very huge rock on top of the well, and we push it. We're waiting. We need all the shepherds here at once. We can't take ourselves. So, three of us are simply not strong enough to take off the rock off the well. The well is covered by a gigantic rock that seals the well. And it doesn't say how many Let's say it that Let's say there are 10 shepherds in town. The only way to roll off the rock is all 10 shepherds come together. So, Aviad, we're just waiting for all the shepherds to come." We're just waiting. Yakov Avinu is like, "Whoops." "Whoops, I didn't have that." He doesn't the Torah doesn't record what Yakov says back. Rachel Imeinu comes. Yakov Avinu gave mussar to the shepherds. They seemed to be lazying around by the well. He said, "You're thieves. Get to your job." They answer Yakov back, and the Torah gives the answer back Yakov Avinu. "We're not lazy at all. We just It The rock is huge. We can't roll it off. Unless there all of us there. You have the picture. You need like 10 shepherds to get off the rock. So, we're just waiting Danny for the other shepherds to come. Sorry. Then Rochel shows up. He's crazy strong. What takes 10 shepherds flicks it off like nothing. flicks off the cap like nothing. He's so strong he could flick off the rock. He's a giver. And he feeds and Rochel's sheep get fed. I have three questions I want to ask you on the story. One is why wasn't down with us? He gives them he was very smart. Why wasn't he down with us? That maybe they just can't flick off the the rock unless they're all there. Now, by the way, their answer leaves me one thing. They say we need all the shepherds there. Okay, so don't come so early. That you could say it's hard to time. We have no choice but to wait. I have a question one is why wasn't down with us? Judge favorably. Give them the benefit of the doubt. He calls them couldn't he see that it was a big well with huge rock and they're just not capable of lifting the rock. They need more help. That's question one. You have question one? Why wasn't down with us? Not telling fair question. Be down with us. And it's you'll say fair question. He gives them it always bothered me. He like choose them out and then they say their answer. It's like whoops. It always bothered me this question. So, you have to be able to make a mistake. And if he made a mistake, isn't that strange he didn't think of being he should have thought of the other options. Fair question question one. Kasha two I have Shlema is the way Hashem says the story and I want to read this is a subtlety. It bothers me a lot kasha two. When the These are my three questions. Kasha two I have Aviad is the Torah when it says the story, says it says Avram Aviad it says Avram that um it says he Avram Avinu comes, he sees the well, there are three flocks of sheep chilling there, a big even on top, and then Hashem says the possuk says the system we're asking Rabbeinu three kashas. One kasha is why wasn't Yakov Avinu done with have close the shepherds? He says you're ganavim and they answer back we're not ganavim it's just we can't roll off the rock. Why didn't Yakov Avinu why wasn't he done with have close why didn't he figure that out? Very smart man. Kasha one. Kasha two and Naftali this is a subtlety in the way the story is told. Yakov Avinu comes to the well and he sees the three people the three shepherds lazying around. Now before Yakov gives mussar Hashem fills you in Michal on the story. Hashem says all the flocks gather and they roll off the stone. And then they put the stone back. Then Yakov gives mussar I don't get you guys why are you lazying around? They say sorry we can't do it alone. Why did Hashem that's not the way to tell the story? Why does Hashem tell us Yakov's mistake before he makes his mistake? Yakov Avinu should show up, give them mussar, and then Hashem says okay let me tell you you're Then, the Yaakov Avinu should give them water, and then they should explain the system." It's a weird way of storytelling that Hashem already says the mistake Yaakov Avinu makes. His mistake is they're not lazing around, they just can't take. Yaakov is like, "I don't get you guys, just take water." Like Yaakov Avinu says them, but Hashem already tells us before that they need all the shepherds to roll off the stone. So, he already He like Yaakov didn't know that, but Hashem tells us in the story. Why does Hashem have to tell us that detail? What? That's my second question. Why does Hashem not tell you hear that question? It's a weird way of storytelling. Why does Hashem tell us the mistake Yaakov Let's find out in real time. Does Yaakov Avinu know the system? No, that's why he gives water. Their response is the system. God wants you to know the the system before? Let us live the story along with Yaakov Avinu, and the shepherds will tell us the system. Kasha two. Kasha three I have is when it says the system, it says that the shepherds all take off the stone together, and then they put the stone back on together. By Yaakov Avinu, it says he flicked off the stone, and never said he put it back on. Why doesn't it tell us that Yaakov Avinu put the stone back on? It's a chill Hashem. It bothers me a lot if people leave things messy. I'm very sensitive to that. If guys if if our Yeshiva goes and we all clean it perfectly after it has to you don't leave something messy. Chill Hashem Nira. Yaakov Avinu comes, flicks off the stone, and never says he put it back. By the Torah it's very careful to say when all the shepherds' system is they take they give pish at sign. they roll off the stone that covers the well they feed the sheep and then they put it back. They sheep they put it back. By says he flicks it over it doesn't say he puts it back. to leave it to leave it uncovered. Bothers me a lot when people go places and leave it messy. Our guys play baseball on the field they leave it spotless. Use it enjoy you leave it neat. flicks off the stone never said he puts it back. Now you could say the tire is not a history book. Doesn't record of course he put it back. That bothers me a lot because the Hashem. See if it would be part of okay the Torah doesn't have to say all the details. It says he flicks it off for say you put it back. Three cashes. You have the cashes see they it bothers me it doesn't say he put it back. So I want to share as follows I want to share right with you I want to share from I'd like to share my first I said a lot earlier I want to share from what he says on these three questions. He says something he's not into all these three cashes describes what was their system. There's a there's a big well let's all get it obvious there's a huge well in town and they have a stone that covers the well that only all the shepherds could do together. Why do they have that system? You know check is very very handy can make anything. Why didn't they have a light opening that a person could come and open it up? Now you could say an animal can get to the to the well they don't want animals to do anything inside the water so simply have a easy opening that one person I see it's have an easy opening that one person can open it up. What was with this system that they have this well that the only way to get it open is a crazy heavy stone and it needs them all. What type of strange system is that? Have a nice well that one guy can come and take and feed his sheep. What? They well So why it's a shepherd should show up to the well, pick it up and feed his sheep. Make an easy opening. They have an even greater love here bear. They have on top of this well it's sealed with a rack that no one guy can roll off. It needs 10 20. This well is sealed. Sealed with a rack. That you draw water with a bucket. With the bucket easy. It's a regular well the way you'd picture well that you lower a bucket. Right, and you lower a bucket. But on top of the well You have to take it off. You have to take off the stone. Takes 10 20 people whatever. Then when the stone's off now it's an open well. It's sealed at the top. A hole in the ground. Just picture a hole in the ground. There's a bucket next door you lower in there. It's 20 ft down to 30 50 ft. There's a bucket right next door that stays there. Yeah, rope. They lower down a bucket. But the but the it's sealed with a rack that takes 20 people. Why they do this system? Have one person can lift it and take. What? So there's two reasons to do this chevre. There's two reasons. One is they don't trust each other if Hirsch writes. They're worried somebody's going to take too much. There's a certain amount of water. They don't want somebody taking too much. So they have to take in front of each other. There's a distrust to each other and to prevent the outsider. That's why they have a very heavy rack. It was designed on purpose. I didn't [clears throat] get I'm going to answer We didn't answer Slow, slow, slow down. No, no, we're going to explain. First, let's get what the system swap is and we'll answer all the questions. But, what was this system of the heavy rack? Two reasons for the heavy rack cover. Is one is they don't trust each other. And to make sure they didn't want a guy Clearly says Rav Hirsch, they didn't want a system avi that one person could come and take. And it was a system of distrust of each other. They didn't trust each other is one. And two is to prevent the outsider from taking. Anybody else came if you didn't know their system, you normally come to a city and you take to prevent the outsider. That's the two systems why they had such a heavy stone. They didn't trust each other and to prevent the outsider. The outsider can't take anything. He comes and he's like, "Okay." They can't move the thing. He can't move the rack. So, prevents the outsider from taking and the insiders don't trust each other. Rav Hirsch, yes, Yosef. So, >> [snorts] >> So, could it be that it was giving mustard at a in like scheduled time to all come together and do it? That's true. That could be, by the way. Ya Yosef is saying, "Yakov says, 'Why are you lazing around?'" The ants were eating each other. Yosef saying, "It's still not a great answer. So, work it out. You come on time." That's fair. The only problem with that, Yosef, is you're yelling at the people. It's not their fault. Maybe they were on time and the other people were late. So, it's a little bit com- complicated. What? He told us it was not time of day that they should do To end to end to take it might have been they drink during the day, but you give them to drink and you go back to pasture. They were ending, the animals were ripe similar. They were lying down. Now, Yosef, if Hirsch according to Rav Hirsch Shaviad, I want to answer our three questions, then I want to talk to the guys. According Yosef, according to Rav Hirsch, we ask why wasn't Yakov Avinu done the kav skhus? He says it's early in the day. What are you lazy around? Why wasn't he done the kav skhus? It's not a done the kav skhus. Yakov Avinu says Rav Hirsch didn't like the system. The system is predicated on bad middos in both ways. Trust each other. It should be a world of trust. It's tragic that they couldn't trust each other. That each one was suspicious, you'll take too much. They're no trust each other. And by the way, locking out the outsider, it's a terrible system. Somebody can't come who needs and take a little bit for themselves. Yakov, it's no doubt what did you say? So, I don't know the answer. Yosef, if you you can ask on Rav Hirsch, why is that bad they're on the outside? It's limited. It seems people Remember, it's an underground well that fills back up. I don't want to say unlimited cuz then why would there even be afraid the other would take too much? I imagine that it refills. It's a well which has a wellspring, but you probably have to wait till water gathers up there again. So, they're definitely I think the the two tightest in that mistrust each other and don't knock out the outsider. Uh once I First, you got why they did the system, Aviad? Rav Hirsch says that Yakov Avinu did not like the system. [clears throat] So, we ask why wasn't Yakov Avinu done the kav skhus? It's not a done the kav skhus. It's not a good answer. He says it's too early. So, we have a rock on it that's too heavy. Yakov Avinu didn't He made it It could be was even giving mussar about that. And if your answer is that, I don't like that. Now, they answer that Yaakov Avinu was not down the kav zchus because that's not a down the kav zchus Rebbe says. It's not a good system. Yaakov Avinu doesn't like that system. Hm? It's not a down the kav zchus. We ask down the kav zchus is judged unfavorably. Yaakov Avinu, this not a favorable judgment to say oh we cuz not a good thing to have a heavy rack. Trust each other. They're basically sick. I'm judging them. He says to them you're stealing. Now, to say That system has nothing to do with judging them. He says you're lazing around. He doesn't want to rationalize oh we just don't trust each other. That's not a good answer. But what does lazing >> It's not a down the kav have anything to do with with He's saying if you're the what you're doing looks like you're being lazy. I'm not willing to say that you have such a sick system. You're saying if the system's already terrible, then he's already assuming that >> coming they're lazing around saying you're lazing. We ask be down the kav zchus. Maybe they have the system. He doesn't suspect they have the system cuz it's not a nice system. That's not a favorable judgment to them to say they have the system. >> Very good. Very nice. What's wrong? I'm good. I don't know. He comes and they're lazing around. Now, why they're lazing around cuz they have a sick system. He just gives them mussar you're being lazy. He doesn't give It's not a good answer to them. We're not really being lazy, we just don't trust each other. So, we have a crazy heavy stone. Yaakov doesn't think of that cuz he doesn't want that. It's not a nice answer. You can't ask on Yaakov why didn't you like think they're just bad people? Cuz he's That's not a down the kav zchus. >> why you're doing the rock on in the first place. If you're doing it for that, that's not you don't trust each other. You guys need help. That's what So, now according to Rav Hirsch, there's no down the kav zchus on their system. It's not a nice system. I also want to claim a chalu fee of Rav Hirsch. That's why Hashem tells you the system before they said it. Because it doesn't want to make it that their answer was the answer. We know their system already. So doesn't want if it just if Yaakov gives them mussar and after all he and they answer and say okay, oh good system. We knew their system already. It's not a good system. It's not like their reply is the answer. I don't think Yaakov knew it, but Hashem words it this way to make it clear. I don't Yaakov knew the system. I don't know if he knew it. It's not a down the cops he might have known it might not have known it. No, Yaakov says you're lazy. We ask why didn't he just think they can't roll it off. The answer is cuz it's not a nice thing to think about them. It's not nice. I thought he thought that right. He said then I'm so bad. I was down the cops close to not doing that. It's not a down the cops close. No, it's not a down the cops close cuz it's not nice to do that. To not trust each other. It's not that's not I didn't know they didn't trust each other right. You didn't even think about that. I never guess that. It's not a positive thing to think about somebody. If you see them lazy, it's not a good answer. We're not lazy, we just don't trust each other. That's not nice. That's the question. No, she's entitled to take. They let her take. I don't know in terms of the halakha they let people take my rounds asking a bomb cash in with Hirsch. They don't trust each other and he does it for Rachel. Are you allowed to do that? I don't know if it was a law like in terms of dealing with them. You'd have a lot of questions cuz it's it's still it's not his it's still his. Since Pasha she doesn't own it, she's entitled to take. So, it's a fair question. A fair question but they just don't trust. I want to express that it doesn't say Yakov put it back. I don't know if he did or didn't put it back. He didn't hold to the system. The Torah doesn't want to say Yakov put it back on. It's still a sham nairah. Yakov you know doesn't hold it should be on. I don't know what he did practically. It could be la la he was put it back. It's not his. Could be he had to put it back. The Torah doesn't record cuz he's not mask him to the system of putting it on. He flicks it up. Now, could be he said okay, I got to put on. It could be by the way he put on a very light cover. He didn't do their system. I don't know if he put it on or not. The Torah doesn't record he put it on. It's not nice having the stone on. Now, what I want to >> What was that the spoiler every same shot the spoiler alert cuz that's not Yeah, the Torah doesn't want to make such a they were such jerks. Those of those of those of those of they were jerks. >> Yeah, yes. Let's start the story. Doesn't want to like give them the answer as if their answers are legit answer. We knew that already originally. It's not a good answer. You see what I'm saying over here now. I want to I want to say two things. Go to see Ephraim. I want to say two things to the and I want to talk to you two things that that that They're two things that mean a lot to me and I want to share this to you, Naftali. I have I have and I'm I'm coming if you call me with an agenda, I am coming. I get very nervous and I welcome Gabriel. Welcome to Yeshiva Gabriel. Good to have you. Very good to have you. >> [applause] >> Gabriel, we're talking here. The shepherds have a system. They have the heavy rock on the stone and they do it for two reasons. Why is the heavy rock crazy system? You can't just come to the well and take. They don't trust each other. One and two is they keep out the outsider from taking. I want I want to express I want to I want to express Well, you want to talk want to talk one second. I want to express two things that are both mean a lot to me. And I and I want to talk to Sug yes. First of all, I want to talk is what? We're not done yet. I'm going to talk about this. We answered You have the story though, the simple story? What they did, why they did it? It's very cool. We learn it as kids. We don't analyze why they have this crazy rock. With Hirsch gives it shot, a lot of the story makes sense. I don't think so. What what what's not making sense to you? According to what you're saying if he didn't know about the story about their system, then how would he know that it's a not That an act. Yakov sees them being lazy. The alternative to them being lazy is they don't trust each other. That's not a better way of seeing the story. It's only a cash and Yakov Avinu if there was an innocent Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, the real story is worse than what he was looking at. The real story to being lazy, that's not a cash. Why was he Donald Trump? Of course it's not enough. Yeah. I give that I'm going to talk about that. I'm going to talk about that in a second, Lolly. I want to talk about that. I like that question. Lolly says, "What do you want? We just don't trust each other. What do you want from us?" So, I'm going to talk about that. I want to talk about the two aspects of their system. Now, I don't consider this Yosif just a cute This is the descent into Golus Yakov Avinu. There's a behavior here that that would being taught. I think it's very important it's taught here. I think Galus divides our people. A big part of Galus is the separation from Hashem and the division from each other. Geulah is when we stand united together under the banner of Hashem. Part of Galus is the spreading out of our people. That's part of Galus. >> [clears throat] >> And I want to express two things. I want to express the danger of the being mean to the outsider. The creating of a them. I want to express that say everybody listen to this. I have seen two things. I've seen this in this Yeshiva. Every No coats. The the coats. That's why people are on phones. All of the coats. No phones. No coats. Coat off. Let's go. Let's go. I'm going to tell you real things. It's not for a coat. No coats. To talk real, you can't talk with coats. We're It's late on time. I want to express Abby two things. I Some people ask is the Yeshiva clicky? In any Yeshiva there's clicks in Yeshiva. I'm proud there clicks. It would be weird not to have clicks. They're groups of friends. Of course. Of course. It You have no world where everybody's equal friends. There's no such thing. End of the world. I think that would be weird. Not a normal thing. In a Yeshiva there are 200 people on campus. I promise there's groups of friends. That's geshmack. These five guys are good friends. These six guys. These four guys. Excellent. >> [clears throat] >> That's normal Donny. That's wonderful that they're groups of friends. I've seen the following things have run in groups of friends. I have seen group of four of six of eight that their friendship they're close friends. But other people are easily gained from their friendship. I've said this Shlomo's group of friends had a very close group of friends, has a close group of friends. It brought the whole Yeshiva closer. A guy is like three friends, four of them. In their friendship, there's just a lot of love around, and it's easy to get involved. It's easy to be pulled in. They're four close friends, but it's not exclusionary. Actually, being a loyal friend creates certain care and [snorts] warmth, and others bask in that warmth. They do things together, and like, "Please, join in." I promise I've seen in four friends, everybody else like gain from the friendship. And then I've seen people that their four friends, everybody else is the outsider. A lot of exclusion, a lot of hurt. Just people being damaged from the friendship. Not you. To me, it's massively important when you have a friendship, two people are close, the third person gains. I've seen this, and I've seen people who make the outsider and exclude and push away. It's It's ironic. If you actually don't have something, something Sometimes all you have, you know, little kids make a club. If they have something nice, other people want to join the club, hop in. Sometimes all they have is nobody else will know it. You know, like kids have a secret hideout. They have nothing there. All they have is the fourth friend can come. Them three have The exclusion is all you have. Nobody else can come in. It's so precious in a group. You're close, you have something, don't exclude. Don't create an outsider. Don't create somebody you can't. You have something You have something real. Others can come and join. This picture of the well that only we can access, and the outsider can't take, there's a picture here of something. There's a picture of something. If you even think about Yiddishkeit, I see my Rebbe trained me. I happen to like a lot, a lot, a lot. A is good. The fact that we remain separate is is is for a reason. Hashem told us are separate. We don't marry There's a There's a There's a loyal to a mission. We keep the Torah. But a to respect the is huge. To respect the is a big deal. Of course you respect But of course my Rebbe never spoke bad about a Never machas v'shalom. Chas v'shalom a is a tzelem Elokim is precious. You don't need in a group. You don't need to create your group. The outsider can't. The outsider is not It's not the In a shul I'll tell you in my shul if some You know in your shul so everybody has seats. Let's say a guy sits in your seat. You don't send the guy out of your seat. >> [laughter] >> You don't send chas v'shalom. To me that's that's like that's harrowing. To a piece of dirt's on your seat, you clean it off. A human being's on your seat, he sits in your seat. Makom kavua, okay. That week By the way makom kavua in Dollar Ammos is fine. And that week next week you'll come a little early. You don't kick a yid out of your seat. A set seat. There isn't any in a set seat. There's an inyan in the table to have a set kavua makom l'tfilah. Is there such an inyan? Okay, next week you'll come earlier. You never ask a guy to leave your seat. Never. Never. You're supposed to have a makom kavua, but if somebody came that week, he's a human being sitting in my seat. You don't You don't flick out a guy out of his No such ain davar k'zeh. No such thing like that. A human being is sitting there. The The The The nekuda of not creating the outsider, of not making the outsider. Now, people do that on purpose as as like a a way of like creating our group and exclusivity creates our [clears throat] chevre. Not him. No, no. Don't not the the grouping together should be better for the other people. It should It should It should be inviting for other people. Yes, us four are very good friends. We do things together. You know, I have watched the good type of friendships. I mean this, I'm not flat I I watched Machal with Shim and that chevre Jashi. The whole Yeshiva is more warm from a good friendship. The If you really >> [applause] >> Machal, I think the beginning is picture the little kids who have their club and all they have the secret club is only that the fifth guy can't go in there. If that's something good, so people could If anybody can join, then we have nothing. That's not the What you have is not the exclusivity. You have something real. A husband and wife that are honestly close, you know what happens? Haknoses Orchim, other people gain from their house. What do you mean? It's our house. Then you have something real. You have your house. And it is your house. It's for you, too. But that's like that's the chesed and the kindness and the closeness that doesn't exclude a third person. It actually lifts up the third person. I picture this system that Yakov Avinu sees is the well that only the locals can take from. There's a There's a sugia here. Now, I don't think everything in the Torah is exact. In galus, we are we are spread out and we're we're we're all over the place and there is something called the Yid and there's something called his his men. I speak about this a lot that it's very nice that you have we have a Yeshiva Waterbury. It bothers me a lot if guys like are the water bearer guys and that I watch guys guys got Eric to swell I know my son's in a fishers Yeshiva of course everybody It's inclusive. So no us you're an outside we don't work like that. That's not a healthy group. It's not a healthy group it's very easy to come in. It's easy to join. By the way I'm Yisrael and we do A person can become a gear by the way and I don't say we do it in a second we want to make sure they're serious. Our very people it's easy to become a gear it's not difficult. And we accept gear. Now there's a process there's a process to make sure of course a process To make sure the person means it the person's doing right. But the ex and gear is Kabbalah mitzvahs And go to the mikvah and you're a gear. Now we're careful of course we're careful that the person really wants to be a Yid. We don't want to create hill Hashem hill Shabbos. We're not looking for that. It's not a group you can join not at all. The reason we're in galus is to pick up gear by the way. Somebody's allowed to join. A healthy friendship a healthy friendship Is not about being not him it's not about no. He can't go that's That's actually a huge sign that usually don't have much binding you and it can't be him. And what this this system of the of the heavy rock on the well That precludes the outsider Is very very distant from am Yisrael. We are to light actually a light thing and the outside please take we have a well we have something precious. Please come and avail yourself to what we have. We don't need that you're excluded to have. That's one thing I think there's a A very I think when people have something real They don't need that the If sometimes all you have is that other people don't have then then you have to check if you even have. You're just excluding that's like the fourth nobody else. The cared we have something a beautiful friendship. I cared so happy to bring the fifth guy and other people come in and join. We have something beautiful. It should help the fifth guy not exclude the fifth guy. Have you had you hear what I'm describing? Have you seen these two types of friendships? In a in a what? I think the more we the more we're present to a real thing. Friendship's real and you have something precious. So then I don't need the other guy to be excluded. The more I don't in this insecurity the friendships that are built where the cool guys aren't based on insecurity when it's based on lack and fear and just trying to hang with the cool guys and we want when it's all based on those things you'll never let in the fifth guy. The very premise of the friendship is not having. So then then it becomes you see a group of snubbing everybody else out. If if a person has a friendship that's an honest friendship that's a real friendship so naturally you'd want others why couldn't why can't somebody join in? We have such a sheer as here please join what we have. It's our honor please join please partake. Please by all means. This is exactly the heavy well. I like I want to learn Torah Aviad much more deep see what we're seeing the heavy well that doesn't allow the outsider there's a rock on a well that doesn't allow the outsider partake of the water. This is what we're talking about. What do you say? I don't think it's a so you have not enough. I'm I hear one could have said that if that was the way of Herschel went to Yaakov would have been done the Kav close loudly. We're not coming that there's not enough. We're coming from people afraid. There's enough. The re it refills. This If there's a problem Pasha, the locals aren't getting. Okay, I'm not talking about that. Think about the case of the chairs. But we only have enough certain Okay, so they're guests sometimes. So this week you gave up your seat. But the outsider can come. He can enjoy. I'm not talking theoretical. I'm talking real. I'm talking in a shul in a community. I do everything in the Yeshiva. I don't like the creation of the outsider. I could There's so many things we could do in Waterbury. People come and apply. We have limited dorm counselor spots. I'm such a stupid guy. We should just give them to a guy who's part of us. I give a guy can come as dorm counselor never learned in the Yeshiva. He's one of us. What are you making? He's us. He's one of the from the best dorms we ever had. Yossi Abramowitz here. Why do we say never you didn't learn here? You know, it's [applause] not but I wanted but I'm I'm challenge you to something because we could have said we could have said he's not one of us. There's no such What are you doing? What are you doing? A guy comes and he's We're us. He's us. We're all It's us. Our people Am Yisrael. You don't have to You don't have to knock people out to have something. And when you have something you include Others are included and part and you're part of them. They're It's all us. I'm I'm expressing something that there's a system in churan that's very antithesis to a Yid to a group that has something. And when you have it's very complicated because in galus we do say separate and and this but not in a way not in a way of putting down not in a way of excluding. It's in a whole different way in a way of having. People who have and the other person gains from what we have and can partake in what we have. You know where I'm coming from? The system I'm describing is the opposite of the heavy stone that only the locals can take. That's the reason to have a heavy stone. It's the world where only local you're an outsider. I don't like that. Like that you What what do you What do you feel in your eyes, sir? It's like me locking my shed. Like You and Lelly, I just it's not you as I'm not a I'm not a guy you we're allowed to have by I said we're allowed to own things. I promise we're allowed to own things. What we have should be accessible. Others also can have in what we have. It's a healthy attitude. I'm not coming from a place of not being safe. Lelly said, "But is there going to be enough for the locals?" I promise if there's not going to be enough, okay, so then there are halachas. There's enough. Clearly in the system I I don't want to say it's unlimited there cuz otherwise you're just making them to be stupid people. There could be an inconvenience by an outsider taking. You might have to wait a few more minutes. But that would be sad if you have something that you have and nobody else can partake. In the shul if the guy sits in your seat, okay, that week. To me I To me a shul that that the outsider can't be comfortable questions what you even have. Yosef, you know what I'm timing? I There's two things, Naftali, I want to speak about. I want to speak about the learning to not have that heavy stone that allows the taking. Yosef, I'm not here saying we can't protect our stuff. Chas v'shalom. That's one. The second thing is learning to trust each other and I want to talk about that to Lelly. I have seen like even parents say to their kid, "Okay, you've lost your trust. You're going to have to earn it back." I'm very not into that. I think when you trust people, they live up to the trust. In yeshiva, guys will ask, "Can I go somewhere for Shabbos?" I will tell a guy if your parents give her shoes. And guys tell me should my parents text you? They're so used to being distrusted. Why should your parents text me? You should just get her shoes from your parents. To me it's like so embarrassing that we don't trust the 16-year-old. Tell your father to text means I don't trust you. I don't like that. Trust people. Really trust people. And by the way, a guy blew your trust. What should you do? Not trust him again. If my kids don't My kid did the most thing they're going to have to earn back the trust and I trust you again. You made a mistake. I think the distrusting cause people to act distrustful. I think the very distrust you say what do you want? People are going to have nothing. If we trusted each other we wouldn't have gotten nothing. if we trusted each other people wouldn't steal. Now, somebody could say Lally and Yoske Kalish you're crazy people. I'm not saying to leave your stuff here. It's a system of distrust. The acronym we would never run to your system of distrust. It would be a system where people could trust each other. That would be a system where people could trust each other. That's not a healthy Now, there's a case Again, I'm not saying I I have a lot come I do this cases and it has to be your safe with thought. I want to say that it should not be a system of distrust. The heavy rack on the well is a system of people not trusting each other. That's the system. That's the reason for the heavy rack on the well. Better a system of people trusting. I have to go to a chasna. I wish we could talk about it more. These are two topics. These are two topics that are talk important to me. They're within learning to make a system of trusting each other. They're within a system of trust. That's in a community systems of people believing in each other and trusting each other and not excluding the outsider. The outsider can take place in what we have, partake. To me, these are two huge fundamentals in a group. In any marriage, the basic the number one ingredient to relationship is trust. In a community, there should be a lot of trust of people. People should trust each other. Now, again, I want to express that there are times to have precautions. There's a There's a The Gamorah says, "Kavdehu v'hashdehu." Respect people and be nervous. I'm not talking about your can analyze what's the And I I'm I don't have to gather. You know, so you just crazy? You just leave your stuff around and then you get it robbed. What do you do? But I am nervous. So we have to talk about that what that would look like of people who could trust each other in healthy ways. There's a certain sense of trust. Certainly, to make a community of distrust, that's the heavy rock on the well says two things to me. A community of distrust of one another, one, and a community that locks out the outsider. And to me, both of those things should be a community of trust, of respect. I want to express that it's not two different things. And that's what I'm saying, the more that exists in the community, the less of a want to exclude the outsider. Like I said that those kids that, you know, kids have like a secret clubhouse where they don't do anything in the clubhouse. So what's the only thing the secret clubhouse has? Is that the fifth guy can't join. The more you have that you really do stuff there, then you don't mind if the fifth guy joins. But if the kids the four kids are like talk about it and they hackle up, all they have they're not letting the fifth kid in. The distrust of each other causes the keep the outsider The heavy rock on the stone on the well that both speaks about the inner community not trusting each other and excludes the outer community as one sugia. When the inner don't have a healthy, vibrant, beautiful place, so all they have sometimes is keep out, lock out to other day. I'm talking about a community that has real things and as such is a very inviting to the outside. Please partake in what we have. That's the world I want to present to you have the idea. I think there's in friendships, there's a real thing like this. That we have something beautiful, trust, connection, relationship. And then with the outside of please partake. You know, so I'm not talking about that we just do irresponsible things. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about a healthy respect, appreciation for each other. Let's say somebody took too much out here. I hear it's not we're not making a system of distrust each other. We'll all figure it out. By the way, we'll catch the guy who does that and we'll reprimand him, we'll talk, we'll have an honest conversation with him. There But to make a system of distrust is very sad. It's very tragic. I have it's going to men is going to be in 4 minutes at at a quarter to his time.