A is for Ask

foreign [Music] which is God's favorite Mitzvah which is what we established if you haven't maybe you want to listen to the ones that came before this but remember we're we're using the acronym for the four steps of Prayer of our Pat if you remember our Pat and you do this once a day you fulfill the midst of prayer anytime anywhere any language so R we did which was recognized to recognize there's a God p is praise and now we're on a of our path a is ask if you didn't ask you didn't pray it's so funny how so many Jews tell me oh no no no no it's it's not it's not Jewish to ask you know we shouldn't ask God for things as if I have like a prayer quota and and I'm going to use it up okay there's no prayer quota and Jews who are not afraid to ask for anything in a deli to put it on the side it's too hot it's too cold make it spicy like we're not afraid to do that to the non-jewish waiter and yet with God we don't ask God wants us to ask God creates a world where there's needs there's actually a bracha that we say in the morning where we thank God for creating our needs it's like thanking God for not giving us everything can you imagine your kids coming to you thank you so much for not giving me everything if that's not going to happen but we thank God every day for our lacking why because when we have a need we call out and God knows we need this most precious relationship but is there anything too big to ask for is there anything too small is there anything too big you know he's got problems in the Middle East like are we bothering God are we like the is there like are we overreaching maybe we should keep it to a minimum okay just ask for like the basic stuff or wait wait wait till like there's there's a real crisis like somebody's being wheeled into an operating room God forbid and then we'll ask now is there anything too big so years ago we had moved our kids from Canada to the United States and we uprooted them from their life from their family their friends and and everything and we moved them to the states so uh our oldest daughter she's a sharp cookie she figured out like oh my parents moved me traumatized me um I can cash in on this so when she brought home her report card and she's a good student and she has three days and she said and I said oh great report card and she says yeah what do I get because you know when they got a good report card you know when we lived in Canada we gave them uh like a a little like something extra a gift like or something special to say like way to go and to reinforce it and so she says what do I get so I said well what do you want she goes well what do you want to give me I go well what do you want she goes what do you want to give me because I taught her when you go for a babysitting job never and they ask you how much do you how much do you charge you never say the first number because if you say like oh I charge um five dollars an hour and they're used to paying seven dollars an hour you're hired and even when you go for a job today as an adult like if you you never say the first number they say well what kind of style are you looking for so you don't say like oh I'm thinking like you know sixty five thousand dollars a year and they were going to pay they were willing to pay 95 000 a year you're hired so what do you say well if you're the babysitter like you say well what do you usually uh pay your babies your usual babysitter what do you pay you get them to say the first number and then you negotiate from that but you never see the first number a little trick so now let's go back to our story so now is she saying um you know I'm saying what you want and she says what are you gonna what do you want to give me so so she knows that I know because I taught her this that I'm not giving in so she's got to come up with her ask okay now if she asks for a car it's too big that's too big if she asks for a ballpoint pen that's too small somewhere between a pen and a car is my price and she's trying to figure out what that is what does she base her number on her ask what did she base it on there's really two main criteria somebody said oh she bases it on what she needs no no this has nothing to do with what she needs it's what she wants okay so what are the two criteria number one what did I give her in the past so in the past you know she got whatever it was and she knows that oh now it's a one year later I'm older and my parents traumatized me and they feel guilty and so I can opt the ask okay so one is based on the past what have I already given her and the other criteria is what am I capable of giving her father's a rabbi it's not like my husband's going to score a big bris and we're cashing out we kind of like Wax and Wane financially okay so number one what have I given her in the past and number two what am I capable of giving let's switch this to the Almighty when we go before God and we ask is there anything too big number one what has God given you in the past he gave you life everything pales and compare in comparison you can't over ask he's already given you the greatest thing possible and number two what is God capable of giving anything God can do anything so there's nothing too big is there anything too small you know there's a lot of problems in the world you got some tsunamis earthquakes and and starvation always problems in the Middle East Wars Russia invaded Ukraine there's there's a global warming there's a lot of issues in the world so I'm going to ask God for a parking spot really yes really imagine we have a we decide to have a uh a family meeting okay my husband and I are super busy people okay and we have we call a family meeting and we say to the kids okay guys okay you see even up are busy like we're you know what we're doing um so come to us on your birthdays come to us on your graduations come to us when you get engaged come to us with for the wedding come to us when your first baby is born for like for the big things but in between don't bother us what kind of relationship would we have with our kids pretty bad our relationships are not based on the big things they're based on the small tiny things the sweetest simplest things my relationship with my husband is not based on what we do on our wedding anniversary every year it's how we treat each other every day I think Einstein said God is in the details it's the little things my husband he um you know he's a rabbi he marries people he buries people and he told me the most amazing story because he said he's always Blown Away at when asked your funeral the night before and he talks to the family and they talk about their loved one who passed away usually somebody older in the family he said kids adult children never talk about the big Grand things they did Growing Up like the trip to Europe or it's they tell the sweetest simplest stories he told me that he had a friend and whose father passed away and my husband went to the funeral and the friend grew up in New York he grew up Orthodox religious in New York and in front of his father's casket he told the following story he said my father you know when like my brother and I really liked the Yankees like baseball so my father would sometimes take us to a Yankees game he said one Sunday he took us to a game and he went into Extra Innings and then David you know the game went much longer than it was supposed to and and they won it was so exciting and like tens of thousands of people get up in the stadium and my father looked at his watch and he looked into the sky and he said boys we're not going to get home in time to Daven Minka in time to pray the afternoon service because traditionally a Jewish man or a priest three times a day morning afternoon and evening so he said it's it's getting late we're going to have to Daven minha pray the afternoon service at Yankee Stadium and he said my brother and I were like Dad Tiki Stadium because no no come come they found a corridor figured out which way was East and they took a few minutes to pray he said in front of his father's coffin that day my father my father taught me there's a time for baseball popcorn and peanuts and there's a time for God do you think that that man his father in a million years would have thought that that's the story his son would tell on the day of his funeral foreign my husband always asks people what stories do you want your children to tell at your funeral now let's live our life accordingly and be the example to our kids so there's nothing too big and nothing too small but our Rabbi Rabbi Noah Weinberg as that's all blessed memory taught us that the essence of prayer is what do you want and why do you want it now we always get we always have the easily we have the what do I want but we rarely go to why do we want it and the first why is almost never the why I'll give you an example so as I told you my husband is like it's not like he's going to score a big person so we wax and Wayne financially so we were going we saw him kind of sink and swim so we were going through a sink sink sink and I was in Israel and I was um researching a new book and I was meeting with Rabbi Noah Weinberg and I mentioned to him um that it was actually like it was doing research about prayer and I mentioned to him that I've been deafening for parnassa I've been praying for money but it's not forthcoming so and I'm a little bit like at a loss and so revnox asked me he goes what do you want I said money and he asked me why do you want it why do I want it I thought poor Rabbi Weinberg he's so sheltered here in Israel to pay my bills Rabbi Weinberg yes why I go why so they don't shut off my phone or turn off my heat and then he kept asking why why on this and why on that he kept asking me why why why why until I finally said okay I want money so we can pay our bills so that my husband who is so great does not have to be weighed down by debt and can really make a difference for the Jewish people because ah now pray and when money was forthcoming instead of paying our bills and saying okay let's take a trip to Disney World I said yaakov go teach go develop that seminar for the Jewish people the Hebrew word for prayer is which means the self-examine the self-judge through the process of prayer God could only give it to us if it's good for us through the process of prayer we help to make it good for us because God answers every prayer sometimes he says yes and sometimes he says no so if he says no we have to ask ourselves it was good for me that then it would he would give it to me so why isn't it good for me do I have to change am I asking for the wrong thing would I not use it properly so there's nothing too big and there's nothing too small and what do you want and why do you want I remember a girl came up to me after my dating Workshop she goes you know do you know any guys for me I go what do you want she goes I want to get married I asked her why she's like why because because I don't want to be alone I go get a puppy they're cheaper why don't you want to be alone so the first why is almost never the answer you just keep asking why on the why on the Y on the Y on the answer and they keep asking why why until finally you got it as if you don't know why you want it you wouldn't use it properly it wouldn't be good for you or you would pass it by you wouldn't even recognize it when God answered so there's nothing too big and it's nothing too small and much better to build your relationship with God through the small things just keep asking for things and when God answers your prayers and everybody has had prayers answered realize wow that's awesome here I am on this planet God answered now what do you want go bigger Copic anything is possible but make sure you know why [Music]