A Child's Basic Need - Rabbi Zecharia Wallerstein

[Music] but I want to talk tonight a little bit about what we read today in the Tor I want to talk about y because y went through something that a lot of us in this room have gone through too and if we could learn from him how he handled it then maybe we'll be able to handle it so ysep was yob A's favorite son and he was very careful not to hurt the feelings of the [Music] Ben the other brothers said to them you are not really part of us you are the children of made servants Yad went running to his father and said ABA the brothers are not treating them correctly so the brothers hated him and the PK says very clearly the brothers hated yoseph Oho they were jealous of him he felt very much like an outsider they didn't like him he was not accepted one of the hardest things in life for anybody is to feel unaccepted I taught for 30 years Israeli children in Brooklyn in mil Bas most of the 310 children that were in yiva were Israelis they felt unaccepted because they weren't americay in Israel in Ramat chesh there are many children on the street doing drugs not in school these children are American Israelis the reason that they're not in school because they feel not accepted they're not Americans because they're in Israel they're not Israelis because they speak English and they're Americans so they feel that they don't belong sometimes Bal cha feel unaccepted they feel that the rest of kro doesn't look at them the same one of the biggest tests for a balich Chua is that he feels different we don't like to feel different we want to be accepted by people by our parents by our husbands and wives by our children everybody wants to be part of something yadik felt he was a part of nothing his brothers didn't want to talk to him says the Torah the l y the Shalom they could not talk to him peacefully so he felt very unaccepted and his father told him to go to see his brothers maybe he can make peace go to your brothers and tell them that you came to find out how they are and he got lost by is Andel found he was lost but and the Mal asked him what do you want the rabbis asked two big questions on this p number one when someone's lost in Los Angeles you don't ask him what do you want you ask him where are you going and he says I'm going to Pico I don't know where it is okay I'll show you how if he was lost why did the Malak ask him what do you want he should have asked him where are you going question number two it says that the Mal found him and he was lost first you get lost and then you get found you don't get found and then you are lost it's in the wrong order and the answer is that the Mal saw that Yos was very lost but not in Direction he asked him what do you want mes a young 17-year-old boy he asked him not where you going he knew he's an angel he knew where he was going he said to a 17 you know how many times I've asked this question to young boys and girls what do you want in life what do you want you want a car you want money what do you want what's the source what do you really want so the Malak asked Joseph what do you really want one of the saddest PIM in the whole Torah well y and yose answered do you know what I want my brothers I want to be wanted I want to be accepted I want my brothers what happened with the brothers so he's on his way and they see him but they see him from [Music] afar before he even gets there to give his message his message was I came from from ABA to see how you're doing they never let him give a message they looked at him from afar and they said let's kill him it's he never even got to say shalom Alim why are you here we don't like you I'm here because ABA sent me to see how you are how how are you how are the Sheep No says the they looked at him from afar and before he could even get close by they decided to kill him when a Jew looks at another Jew and another yudi from afar if you judge another Jew from AAR he's with a keep he's without a keeper he keep shabat he doesn't keep Shabbat she's wearing pants she's wearing a skirt she's wearing a long skirt she's covering her hair she's not covering her hair what are you looking at you're looking at the person from afar you don't know what's going on in that person's heart you don't know what that person's life is all about you don't know anything about that person when you look at another person from konos from the way they look and you make a judgment by what you see I told someone here today there's a thing in the religious community called an ffb are you an ffb I want a with an ffb M ffb from from birth I don't want a B I want someone who's from from birth so I tell these people what does that mean from from did you ever see a boy a baby boy born with a with with what does it mean a baby to be from from birth is he making he comes out and he starts saying kma what does that mean who's from from birth or maybe the girl is born she's very so they put on diapers till her knees to cover her knees what what does what does this mean she comes out they put a little hat on because you have to cover her hair what does this mean it means looking at a person from afar who cares if they're from from birth the most important thing is f a from at death it doesn't matter how you start we all start differently it's how you end the race that's what really counts says the PUK that the brothers looked at him from afar and when you look at another Jew and you make a judgment by what you see he has a beard he doesn't have a beard he is a rabbi he's not a rabbi all the I am the greatest example of that because I can get away with no one knows that I'm a rabbi because he walks in he's got a beard I don't have a beard spy I'm a spy I'm a rabbi spy so and I deal with kids who are not on the D who are totally off the DK I have a school for girls we're going to talk about it right who went through crazy abuse most of them are not about most of them are in a very bad place they're self-mutilating they try to commit suicide they're on the streets they're in a very very very bad place and one of their biggest complaints is that all the Jews they judge them they're always being judged because they don't get drad they don't talk they smoke outside of school so all the other people walk by stay away very bad girls they're like I'm not a bad girl somebody hurt me when I was 8 years old I'm not a bad girl you would be a worse girl than me and they're very upset that everybody judges them so I tell them you're judging everybody that everybody judges you you're just as bad as everyone else I don't judge you people in this room are not judging you you're judging all the religious people that we judge you and the truth is that if I walked into a room and a rabbi with a long beard walked into the room and you never met me and somebody would say oh that's Rabbi Wallin you would all look at the man with the beard why because we look from afar we look at we look at what we see but we have no idea what's really going on inside and that's what the brothers did and therefore they took Yosef and they threw him as we know into a hole and sold them down to MIT in as I spoke today into the worst place that a human could ever be sent and all he wanted was that his brother should accept him now when they come down to MIT so the the Torah says when they came down to MIM and it's an interesting P that that he recognized them but they did not recognize him and then the Torah says again saw his brothers he recognized his brothers and the next PK says again he recognized his brothers the but his brothers did not recognize him why does the Torah repeat it cuz the Torah is talking to all of us in this room the Torah is saying how is it possible that he recognized his brothers but his brothers didn't recognize him all of Kaz the medish it's brought down in all the that Yosef looked exactly like yakob they look like brothers when Yosef left he was 17 years old he did not have a zakan he did not have a beard he was only 17 years old now it's 22 years later he has a long beard if he has a long beard and he looks like Yakov when they looked at him they were looking at their father so the Torah says he recognized them the how is it possible that his brothers didn't recognize him they were looking at their father same face long beard how could they not say yph it has to be y so the medis says no it's not from Hashem no no no no no listen to why they didn't recognize them they at him what oh they of course they looked at him they all looked at him they went in front they talked to him they looked at him he asked him if they spies he had a beard so if he has a beard now he looks like his father so they should have recognized him they thought he died right so right so if you thought somebody died and then all of a sudden you're looking at him and he looks exactly like your father you're like oh my gosh you didn't die and they didn't think he died they didn't think he died they sold him why should he die why should he die they sold him they didn't think he died they didn't sold and then they took him out and they sold him to MRI Ru so you have to know the POS Ruben came back that he was gone why was he gone because they sold him to MIM so he was in MIM so the med says that when the brothers came down to MIM the went to look for their brother Yosef you know where they went to look for him in the streets of the prostitutes says the medis they went to the Bay zon note why did they go to the Bay zon note because he was very beautiful he was very good-looking so they figured if he didn't try him right and he's so pretty pretty boy and he must be in the B zono so they went through all the streets of the zos do you have a boy you have a boy here do you have a boy here Jewish boy any boy they could not find him this is a very big lesson and this is a lesson for all the parents in here and this is a lesson as a rebi as a teacher if you're looking for someone if your picture of what someone is is a b zos then when he's the king and you look at him you do not recognize him and it has to do with you when you look in the mirror when you look at yourself and you don't believe in yourself and you don't think you can do anything great then you will not recognize your potential I'll tell you a story that will prove this to you so a Bas Yakov school in Brooklyn threw out a girl in 10th Grade she was talking to boys she was doing bad things they threw her out of school she ended up in the street for two years she was in the street we found her she came to my high school with a lot of love and a lot of caring she totally turned around she became religious she started wearing skirts she totally turned around she gets married very good boy she got she gets married she has a baby she's now shopping in a store in Brooklyn and the man the principal the Riva the principal who threw out is in the store and she's not angry at him she was a troublemaker but she's very proud of who she became so she walks over to him she says Rabbi you recognize me he looks at her he goes no she goes you know who I am she go he goes no he says um we'll make up a name Miriam fredman make up a name right he look he goes no you're not she goes Rabbi you threw me out in 10th Grade I'm married I have a child it's Miriam impossible you're Miriam's sister right you're trying to fool me this poor girl she worked so hard she was so proud to tell this Rabbi not your fault I made it and he crushed her he crushed her he said to her no you can't be her why why did he say that because if it's her he made a big mistake he threw her out his picture of the girl that he threw out of his school is she's a prostitute somewhere she's a bomb she's a probably in a rehab she's a drug addict that's my picture this girl can't be otherwise I'm wrong so when you're looking for y in the base zone out he could be standing right in front of you second to the king you can look in his face screams the Torah theu they didn't recognize him because their idea of who he was didn't fit I'll tell you something which they heute put out from one of my shim and it went sick viral in the United States Y in this week's para when potifa wife started with him it says Ys said no I am not going to be with you where did he get that strength from a young 17-year-old boy with the most beautiful woman in the world his his master he he has no rabbis he has no father he has no brothers he has no minan he has no shim he's in Egypt all by himself and this beautiful woman is alone with him in the house how did he say no on the word you do it much nicer than ashim there aim that you sing it's like a a s the the the letter the letter on top the thing on top of the word by it's called the it took him today when he read the Shas 40 minutes I don't know I don't know where he was going it's beautiful by it's like out finished today I was listening I was like in a different world the over here was it was beautiful every word took him five minutes eight minutes I went outside I had a coffee had a piece of cake he's still in the same word amazing it's fantastic you go out you can read the paper come back same word anyway is a shes what's a Shas beit Shas is a chain what do a chain do chain connects two things so the rabbis want to know the that he said no what gave him the strength to say no what is the connected to there's another in the par there's another so the two are [Music] connected said I do not accept because I do not believe that my son is dead and one of the proofs that he that his son wasn't dead is theim that was dipped in blood was really the the beged that God Made For Adam and that beged gave the power power of a person to go in front of animals and all the animals bowed down so how could it be that the animal ripped y to death it can't be so he knew he said he's not dead I refuse to give up on my son 17 years I learned Torah with him he is my son that's going to destroy ASA I put so much into this kid I refuse to give up on my child say pink the power of Yosef to refuse to give up came from knowing that he had a father that also refused to give up on him I deal with a lot of kids they're never going to commit suicide if they know that there's someone in this world that refuses to give up on them a rabbi a mother a father a friend but when a person feels that the whole world and everyone gave up on them on them that's when they give up on themselves the power of knowing that my father will never give up on me he turned to this woman and said if my father won't give up on me then I cannot give up on me I will not be with you and every parent has to tell their child that no matter what no matter how good or bad you are no matter what you do in life I have sat in rehabs and theim in Utah the Mormons and in La I just came from a rehab in La the gim teach the parents tell your child that even though he's a drug addict and even though he relapsed five times tell him you will not give up on him and as long as he knows that he may re lamps and relaps and relaps but he will stay alive every parent needs every child needs to know that my father and mother will never give up on me and that's what saved yph by and Y because byov and every Jew needs to know no matter how much we're suffering no matter how much we go through in life Our Father God refuses to ever give up on us no matter how bad we are no matter what we do Shabbat not sh Shabbat whatever it is we are his children God refuses to give up on us and as long as we know that we will never give up on ourselves Yad brothers did not even recognize him because they already set up in in their head what they think he's going to be how many people gave up on Rabbi wallerstein as a boy how many teachers wrote on my report card he has potential but he never lives up to it he's a miserable student how many times did teachers give up on me but my father and mother never ever gave up on me and as long as they didn't give up on me I didn't really care what the teacher wrote because the teacher didn't know who I was but my parents never gave up on me and had they given up on me I would not be standing in front of you today that's for sure every child and sometimes maybe that wasn't your relationship with your parents and I'm sorry I cannot change the state of being of what you went through but you can change what your children are going to go through so many of had parents who didn't treat us the way we wanted to be treated so what so that means you shouldn't treat your children the way they need to be treated this is a generation that needs love this is a generation that needs to hear from their parents that no matter what you do or what you get on your report card or what you get on your test or you fail or you pass it's not about life I will not give up on you and any child that knows that will never be destroyed we all need to do that for our children I want to tell you something I was speaking in Florida I was speaking before Min to a group like this and I was I was speaking over my time and a few people came into the back they came to DAV Min and they heard the end of my speech and this man came over to me I knew who he was very very famous wealthy Jew very powerful in the religious world the head of many organizations powerful Rich famous Jew and he came over to me he was from Europe well actually his mother was from Europe and he says to me of a much of old man very old man say Rabbi Wallin you don't even know what you just said so I don't know if he was angry he wasn't angry I don't know exactly what he's going to say he said let me tell you the story of me and my mother it's an older man says my mother had eight children in before the Holocaust they killed all her children and her husband she lost everything she came to America and she met my father his father and they got married and they had me I'm a benid I'm the only child Wallin my mother never said she loved me he said when I was a teenager I went to my father and I said why doesn't IMA momy ever say I love you to me and he said listen to me your mother loves you but you don't understand your mother had a family before you and they killed them all in front of her she's scared it's going to happen again so she doesn't want to get so close to you and lose you too but I'm your father I'm telling you that she loves you very much and he said Rabbi Wallin I never brought it up again I understood what my father said but I missed it very much 3 days before she died he's an older older man he's sitting in her hospital room and she calls him over she says Mima come here I want to tell you something said W my heart was beating finally she's going to tell me that she loves me she's on her deathbed he said I pulled my Cher over I said Mama Mama you don't have to say anything you don't feel well she goes no I have to say this he said I I was flying MAA I'm very proud of you zah didn't say I love you didn't say I always loved you I'm just very proud of who you became and she died she never said another word to him that was the last word she said to him and she died said wson you know who I am I said sure I know who you are he said there was one day in my business that we flipped two buildings in Manhattan I made over $120 million on that deal I thought that was the best day of my life but by wildstein it was nothing compared to hear my mother say after all those years that she's proud of me that's how important it is to tell your children that I love you that I'm proud of you of course if they do something wrong you criticize them and you discipline them there's nothing wrong with that if you love me then you have a right to tell me what to do but don't you dare tell me what to do and don't tell me that you love me many times I'm asked to speak in girl school about I'm like where do I have a right to tell them how to get dressed I don't know them they don't like me I don't have a relationship you you can't just come in and discipline children they have to know that their parents love them you love me then what you're telling me is really for me you don't love me when you criticize me you it's for you not for me I'm not maab that was the relationship between yobu and ysf and finally when yoseph tells them who he is in and he couldn't hold it back anymore and he says to them i y I am Y how is my father's still alive he should have said our father he was giving them very big mAh he said I need your I'm your you were looking for me in all the wrong places yeah I'm y I'm not in a bay Zona I'm second in command of the world how a is my father still alive you see you boys you boys disconnected from me you did not treat me like a brother but yakob is my father if yakob is my father and you are not my brother then he can't be your father if he is my father and you are not my brother then how could he be your father he'd have to be my father and your father otherwise it can't be so he said as long as I'm not one of you then he's not your father because I know that he's my father and in the end and in the end he told them he was unbelievable and I don't have time to go into the whole in the end he says to them you think you sold me you didn't sell me Hashem wanted me to be here it's a different Shear I want to tell you and I'm going to show you something tonight that you never in your lives ever saw and I decided to bring this with me because I think it's very important for all of us so I was regular teacher Israeli kids not religious eighth grade boys 13 14 year old boys I was very famous of being a Storyteller there was a place in New York in Brooklyn called judah's place judah's place was after Jewish boys and girls came out of rehab so we wanted to make sure that they wouldn't be on the street because the the biggest reason for relapse in drugs is when you take the person and you put him back into the drug environment so the most important thing is to take them out of the drug environment so the Jewish community in Brooklyn made a place with pingpong pool movies television couches for the kids who came out of rehab to come every night to chill girls and boys Tish night they asked me if I could talk to these kids give them a story midnight they finish all their television and everything W go talk to them I never dealt with drug addicts what am I going to tell a drug addict I never did drugs I was a hockey player saved my life I didn't drink I didn't do drugs I just wanted to play hockey I wanted to become a professional hockey player so I you can't if you're a hockey player you can't do drugs or drink because if you're a little bit slow you're a squash mosquito because everyone's trying to wipe you into the wall so you have to be very fast and very sharp so bar I didn't smoke I didn't I couldn't do anything some sometimes things save you that you don't expect to save you but I don't know how to say no so Ezra Max who was the head of this he said Rabbi just come 12:00 talk to them for 101 15 minutes okay I'll talk to them I'll tell them a story now the rule on the street when you deal deal with kids on the street it works like this the rabbi on the street meets the kids I meet the kids whether it's boys or girls there's always one leader who's not happy that the rabbi's there so they challenge you there's always in the gang there's one that's going to challenge you if he wins or she wins The Challenge and you look stupid all the kids walk away you lost them but if you win the challenge you got them all you could do anything if the rabbi beats the big mouth you're the king you're the man it's the way it works you have no one no one in this room really knows what I do I'm not the rabbi that goes around speaking I'm I I'm in rehabs I'm in I'm in the street I'm with kids that have been have gone through everything and that's what and but I hadn't done that I didn't never did that before so I've thought okay I'll come speak what could happen already I'll tell him about moshu he couldn't talk he he was adopted he was abandoned he also had a rough life he also went through trauma just like you you know that was my speech so I come into this Judas place and there's three girls and three boys sitting on a couch eating popcorn it's TI night no problem we keep dis above popcorn whatever it is and my this guy brings me in Rabbi W's here to to speak to you girls and boys they're not interested in hearing from me so who's the leader of the pack this little 14-year-old blonde girl tougher than anything you ever saw tattoos a weird haircut with purple colors in it piercings her whole face was pierced Rings other Rings nose rings rings from a ear to a nose from a nose to her mouth tongue ring the whole works she had so many piercings that if I had a magnet on me I would have been stuck with her for the rest of my life for got about it she was like a walking piece of metal so I sit down in my chair and I'm like okay they asked me to come speak to you tonight um I have a very good story about mosha raenu she gets out of the her out of the couch she's a girl right but she's like a gang kid she walks over to me like yo Rabbi and she's like in my face she's spitting in my face she's like talking to me in my face and I'm like I never dealt with such kids so I'm sitting there I'm beginning to shake a little bit I don't know what she's going to do maybe she going to take a bite out of my ear I don't know what she's going to do she got she got all these piercings and some of them are pretty sharp sticking out like sharp like and as she's talking to me she's got this tongue ring on right and the tongue ring is going up and down I'm like I never saw this I'm a rabbi in a school like hello like go away and then she did something I never ever ever happened to me in my life she says to me fourl words blanket you I'm not going to say the word I'm in a Shool right blank you Rabbi blank all you rabbis blank you Jews blank God I never heard a four letter word with God because if a guy would say that to me I'd knock his head off you curs my God and she's in my face and she's cursing Jews rabbis and God like what are you going to do about it man and I'm like huh so so in my head I'm saying saying Hashem help what what do you tell someone like that I never I never met such a thing I never met such a person I never met such a girl I I I didn't know what to say but you know what when you're in the when you're in the tight moment in life and you need Hashem to help you he send you an email even in those days they didn't have email but he sent me one he sent me a Telex a fax and all the kids are like leaning in yeah Abby baby give it to him baby give it to them because they all don't like us and she's like so what man and I'm like you're amazing I never met a girl like you which was true I didn't lie wasn't lying she goes blank you amazing what's amazing about me I'm like I'm like Abby I came here tonight to prove to you six kids that there's a God but you seem to have a relationship with him you don't like him you just cursed him like five times but you didn't curse martians or people from Pluto because there aren't such things you believe in Hashem you don't like him you hate him but you believe in Hashem I don't have to prove to you you're not an atheist that there's a God Abby you sit down here and tell your friends how do you know there's a Hashem turned the whole thing turned the whole thing on her my she's like what are you saying I'm like let me say it to you a little slower you hate God means you believe in God you are way ahead of a lot of kids in my class she's like man you playing with my mind I said me I don't even know you yet why would I play with your mind she goes you are cool you just turned the whole thing I'm like sit down I got some stuff to tell you I was supposed to speak from 12 to 12:15 I left at 5:00 in the morning wow I sat till 5:00 in the morning with all those kids and we're leaving judah's place and this little blonde girl looks up at me and says Rabbi what's your name Wallin you want to be my Kusa and I'm like no if you want to learn once in a while maybe but not aaba anyway so to make a long story short my my wife is here she could tell you the story to make a long story short she came into my house she came for Shabbat we worked on her I chased her around New York a couple of nights it was a year where I got no sleep Abby was very hard to work with but I got her to take out all her piercings except one there was one piercing she would not take out her tongue ring and that was probably the most uncomfortable piercing for me because every time I W I spoke to her it was a tongue ring that had a smiley on it a little smile every time I talk to her I would see it jumping up and down smiling at me it's a very weird feeling and my kids at the shabas table my daughters every time she said something to me they would look in her mouth to seeo I said Abby you're already almost religious take out the tongue ring it's ugly you you you it gets infected it's disgusting and if you drink something cold it probably gets very cold like I never had a tongue ring I don't know but like just get rid of it and she said to me something that was so scary she said red wson you don't understand this tongue ring is what makes me AB AB it makes me different it makes me special I wouldn't give up this tongue ring for anything in the world she had no money whatsoever I said I will give you $500 and I had the money on me I put it out in front of her face this $500 is yours give me the tongue ring she said Ral if you gave me a million dollars I'm not giving up my identity this is who I am she wouldn't give it up I met her on Tish a year later T she was by my house we finished in the sh in the besset and we're walking home and that tongue ring just made me and I turned around to her and I said Abby I'll make you a deal you give me your tongue ring I will take my talet bag I will pierce it with your tongue ring and every time I go to S to to to Davin I will see Abby I will never forget you I promise you till the day I die and they put that tals bag in my grave I hope it'll be in a while I will always think of you because I will always look at your smiley she said R walie you would never put a tongue ring in your Talis bag I said well first I'm going to put it into a lot of alcohols then I'm going to drop it into the mick for 12 times and then I'm going to do do it I pray if I give you my word I give you my word she goes I have to think about it a block later she stops me she says okay rabi close your eyes and put out your hand now if you know Abby you're not going to do that so I said the clothing I bet I'm not doing but I'll put out my hand and I put out my hand standing on the corner she unscrewed the tongue ring closed it and dropped it in my hand oh not not not that was one of the greatest moments of my life there's no there's no someone's giving up who they are who cares if it's full of germs the germs will go away I'll wash my hands there's no there like wow you just gave up who you are because I'm going to put it in my Talis bag and the answer is yes everybody wants to be recognized everyone wants to belong everybody wants someone who will never give up on them everybody wants to belong so here's the Talis I brought it with me actually forgot it had my son-in-law overnight it so I had it here on Friday now this Talis bag has many p piercings because since Abby since Abby who's not Abby anymore she doesn't let you call her Abby her name is ABI since [Applause] her I don't know if you could see it but that's the smiley tongue ring now to understand to understand that a person could be just this she would not sell this for a million dollars this is who she was you could take a person and you could hurt them so much that they become this big they just become a thing they're no longer a person you could take a human being you could squeeze him into this but then again you can take a human being and make them bigger than the world just by accepting them and my tals bag has a lot of rings and no I'm not selling them belly rings tongue rings rings I don't want to even ask about where where girls said I'm done but on one condition that you remember me that I get onto that house B like Abby did the end of the story that didn't end yet but the end of the story is that three years ago me and my wife my wife and myself L went toim and we're walking up to raim and all of a sudden from behind me someone yells Reby there is one girl in the world that calls me Reby and that's Abby I turned around I'm like I I hadn't seen her or spoken to her for years she went to Israel and didn't hear from her anymore that's how she was hot and cold and I turn around and there she is standing there with two little kids one little boy with pis right her hair like some of the women that were here for Shabbat with that high turban spartic thing whatever right not a shael but her hair covered with a high thing the it's covering her eyebrows right I'm like wow she really got from it's like till here right and she says these are my two Kindel and I want you to meet my husband the guy standing there long beard pis breast so where does she live she says you know where I live I live on a settlement and Rabbi won you're not going to ever believe it you know what I do for a living I'm like what I'm a MOA I'm like no way she goes I'm a MOA third grade and then she looks at me and says aren't you ashamed of yourself I'm like this is the old Abby because that's how she used to talk I'm like ashamed myself for what you live in schutz how could you not live in Israel Rabbi my rebi how could you live in Schmutz she give me a whole speech that's her I'm like that's my Abby we just we just want to be accepted we just want someone to look at us for who we are not for AIO we don't want to be judged so I'm going to end so that was my that was my beginning into the world of drugs and those type of kids and that was a long time ago and for the last 10 years that's what I do and I have a school that has 23 abies in it and Bar that school is 9 years old and I've had every year 20 to 30 25 to 30 girls and every single girl we believe in we believe in because we see way past what they look like when they come to interview I'll tell you the first interview so that you understand where I come from and I think I think this is very much and I I'll end with this I want you to know what heut really is all about so we had room for 15 girls the place that we were in was a official mental health building and they said the first year of school you could have 15 girls no more or else we don't give you the building we don't give you the room we don't give you the therapist I said okay we put the word on the street that we're opening up a high school for any girl that wants to come we don't care if you're out of school four years five years you have no skirt you have a skirt you have your ear you have we don't care if you have tattoos we don't care if you have piercings just come to school we're going to give you an education you're going to get a diploma we're going to graduate you we're going to get you healthy whatever you need so the street started to talk about Rabbi Wallin school before we knew it 14 girls showed up and then three more girls showed up so we took the first 14 and now we had a problem we can only take one out of the three so I had to interview all three so we interviewed this girl she had just call her name I'm going to change her name we'll call her Miriam but her name wasn't Miriam she came for the interview out of she just had come from three days three days in Juice stock instead of Woodstock it was called juice stck all these kids got together up in Woodstock and for three days they were in tents drugging and drugging and drinking and drugging and music like wood stock they made Juice stock and this girl came straight from there to the interview she was so high she was so high that when she coughed I got high that's pretty high so she sits down in front of me and she's taking interview to come into my school so it's me my principal and Rabbi Max we're all sitting in front and she sits down her parents two tall people they sit down and I say Miriam H Miriam wake up wake up it's interview what why do you want to come to my school I I don't know and then her head just goes down she falls asleep in the middle of the interview I'm like this kid is so drugged out she is so high I can't take her into my school why would you come to an interview like this so her father gets very nervous she's not going to get into the school so he shakes her Miriam get up get up r w she's talking to you oh what where am I I'm like I'm kicking my Ezra by Max on I'm like this is not one of the last three we're taking I got to take in a kid that's healthy so they get up and I'm like thank you very much I don't want to tell the father mother that we're not going to take her I'm like we'll call you next week we have to meet two other girls and we'll let you know no way I wrote on a paper no I passed it to the principal she passed it to Max I'm not taking a drug addict on that level no way Hashem runs the world as you're getting up to walk out I said to the father by the way she needs some rehab and detoxing but how are your other kids doing and he looks at me he goes this is my bosuna I don't I don't have any other children this is my only child I said you have no other children this is it he goes this is it if she doesn't make it I have nothing I turned the paper I wrote yes yes yes how could I not take someone's only future away so I say we're going to send we're going to do whatever we have to this girl girl is in there's no question I don't care what the other two girls are this girl she's the only hope she's the only hope for her parents how can we not take her in and guess what we did we took the other two into we just didn't tell them because every day there was two kids absent so they never knew that we had 17 they thought we had 15 ladies and gentlemen Wy made a huge mistake that day anyone here know what the mistake I made anyone here know what mistake I made such a I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life yes what do you think the mistake was I Jud no she wasn't the way she looked she was drugged out you're not going to believe what the mistake was mistake was ladies and gentlemen that every child is an only child that if they had 10 kids it doesn't make a difference whether you have one or 10 every child is an only child and if you give up on one child out of 10 the parents don't look at it well nine out of 10 came out good we're winners it's like we lost a kid we're losers my mistake was that I changed my mind because she was an only child I should have said we have to take her she's a kid that's doing so bad maybe we can help her every child is an only child that's how God looks at us what does he care right he's got millions billions of people what does he care and the answer is to God every child is an only child that was the mistake I made that day I should have taken her because if she had 15 kids in the family I think that's what he de I I met this Rabbi I never met Rabbi con I I don't even know who he was when I was invited to this his love I watched him I watched him he was sitting at my table so I watched the line of people whether it was a girl relig ious girl a not religious girl a mother a kid a father every single person that went over to Rabbi K he looked at them and focused on them like they were the only person in this whole crowd amazing amazing each that he gave to each person was a personalized the other Rabbi cone today it's beautiful that when you buy an Aliyah the rabbi gives you Mish by us when you buy an aliyyah your wife asks you how much did you spend and she gives you Mish very different every time he got up he made a I listened to the Mish the rabbi had a different Mish he knew which guy was single Z he knew which guy need a p every single guy that got alyah the rabbi gave he knew exactly what he wanted everybody is an individual I think that's he's power that every single person even though it's a general group every single person is is an individual never give up on yourself and never be scared to tell your children or your wife or your husband that you love them and that you'll never ever give up on him so many husbands give up because they think their wives gave up on them they can't make up onas they having such a hard time making a living ah my wife doesn't think I'll ever become anything the other guy makes so much money and I don't my wife doesn't think I'm anything cuz I'm not a she wanted a tam she gave up on me that marriage is over when a husband thinks his wife gave up on him that marriage is over when a wife thinks that her husband gave up on her that marriage is over when a child thinks his parents gave up on them that child's life is in danger there were 70 suicides in the tri-state area New Jersey New York and Connecticut in the last nine months 70 Jewish kids if someone would have just told them that they'll never give up on them we cannot afford to lose one child so from all this I spent the last 10 years since Abby flying around the world flying mainly around America in rehabs to meet Jewish girls and boys and there are no Jewish rehabs for Jewish girls does not exist in the world in America in Los Angeles there's kabad for guys they have a sober living home this kabad that's you know just guys there's a place in Florida called 12 steps but for a Jewish girl a Jewish girl who's doing samim or a Jewish girl who's mentally not doing well there is no Jewish all girls rehab does not exist do you know where we send our girls from LA and from New York to Utah Utah has the best rehab for 13 to 19 year old girls it's called New Haven do you know who runs that rehab the Mormons the Mormons are big missionaries we send our girls to the Mormons for breakfast they eat kazer religious girls from religious homes have to be taught and help by the Mormons and every time I go to Utah to visit a girl or to Florida or to the places I go it kills me that with all the money that the Jewish nation has we don't care about our daughters we send them to the Mormons so five years ago I said we have to open a place for Jewish girls one of the greatest therapies and I don't have time tonight to talk about it that I have found that works with girls who have Eating Disorders who have anxiety who have depression who self-mutilate their cutting the greatest therapy is called ecoin therapy through horses girls that would not talk to you would not eye contact with you girls that I sent there they wouldn't even look at you or talk to you three months with horses taking care of horses riding horses making a relationship with the horse and all of a sudden they're like hey Rabbi you want to go ride on a horse I'm like who are you how did this happen it's an unbelievable n girls with hes there's a a safer 540 years ago that wrote that a sus is really sus when Adam named him sus from sus which means happiness and if a person is depressed put him on a horse you'll see he'll become happy so it's not something that came up with it's a if you want I'll send you the email the copy of it 540 years ago he lived Miriam came out of the yam she said there's a connection between women and horses so I said Hashem you got to help me out here I don't want to send my girls to G who tell them to be lesbians who tell them that Judaism is a cult and and and and the reason that you're going through you're going through all these other places in America that are co-ed they're they're against us they're anti us they tell you what to eat they tell you what to sleep this whole Judaism thing it's a cult if you leave that you'll be happy so for five years I looked and searched for a ranch a horse ranch that I could open up for these girls and I could not find one everywhere I went the horse part was nice the house was miserable the house was nice the horses were miserable I could not find it we finally found one and the town was so anti-semites that they blocked us from buying it so last year yur I went I always go yur byel the holiest time the holiest place in the world and I said Hashem I don't know what you're doing I am still sending girls to the Mormons Hashem these are not my daughters these are my sisters these girls are your daughters you need to take care of them you're allowed to talk to Hashem like that you have a relationship I'm like I'm going to give up I'm not doing this anymore I can't fly and drive you don't want me to do it I won't do it March never give up everybody never give up you have to refuse to give up never give up on your dream the pun stood up was empty after the war after the Holocaust he stood on a rock there was nothing there and he turned to his student and he said where I'm standing right now I'm going to build the biggest Yesa in Israel he had one student everyone died in the Holocaust one student he stood on a rock in the middle of B proor with nothing so the student looked at the rabbi and said Rabbi with all respect I love you but you're dreaming and the P looked at him and said you're right I'm Dreaming but I'm not sleeping and he built Piva for a while it was the biggest don't ever let anyone stop you from dreaming ever there's nothing that you can't do with the help of Hashem so I said mine on March we get a call hello is this Rabbi wallon yeah I'm a real estate agent I heard you guys are looking I have something for you it might work for you I'm like where is it he says it's in a town called bethl I'm like bethl I hung up the phone I said yes I'll come tomorrow I'll take a look at I hung up the phone I said to my wife we got it we found it she goes you didn't even see it I'm like it's in Bas kale yakob woke up from his dream with the and he said this place is amazing we found it my friends know I'm a sugar they're like go look at it just because it's in bethl if let's say the town is called Jerusalem that means you should buy it go look at it so I drive up there and I did this so many times and I was so excited so many times and I was let down so many times and we're thinking maybe we could raise $3 million that's our price that's what we're going to do so I come driving up there and the real estate AJ meets me and he says okay I want to show you first the horses the the the stall the indoor arena to have horses in the winter up there you have to have an indoor arena it's bigger than this hotel and you can ride the horses inside but it costs $2 million to build an indoor arena I knew that from the last place that I was I walk into this Arena I wish I could ring you all to see this it's gorgeous it's got eight stalls a huge Arena it smells brand new there's not a piece of dirt a piece of hay a horse or anything it looks like it was never used and I'm thinking in my head that's $2 million it's 20 acres that's another $2 million I'm already over my amount but let me look you know so he shows me the whole thing he says okay let's go look at the house I said tell me a little bit about the house he said well the house on this property took six years to build and about $6 and A5 million dollars I'm like two plus one plus six it's a $10 million Hashem what are you playing with me don't bring don't tease me you're going to show me something beautiful that I can't afford okay I'm there I come into this house I I've seen a lot of houses in my life I have never in my life seen such a house it was built it has a an in Door movie theater but I don't mean a little movie theater I mean a movie theater soundproof aquarium the size of that back wall fireplaces and the house is brand new the kitchen is a half a million dollar kitchen it's copper the ceilings are copper you you never saw anything like this but I walk into the kitchen and the sto tops are in P are wrapped nobody ever cooked in the kitchen the refriger refrigerators are taped and I walk through this mansion and I'm like nobody ever lived here he says I'll tell you the story at the end you know you know real estate agents you have to see everything first he says but that's only one house let me take you to the other house like there's another house says yeah there's another house takes me to the next house I come to the front door there's a mza on the door in Bethal up in the Catskills by the gu mza and the MAA is painted with a horse on it I said they're Jewish he says no the wife was Jewish they don't know the guy what they're say so she wanted this on the front door but there aren't on any other doors don't worry he thought I didn't like it so now I'm like bethl mza Hashem thank you so much how am I going to pay for this and they show me the house there's a gazebo um where you meditate it's like the like if I was going to build a weab this is the place all you can't see it from the street mountains no horses yet but it's gorgeous okay in my head it's $10 million for sure so we sit down in the kitchen and I'm like could you just explain to me how come no one ever used the horse barn and nobody ever lived in this house what's going on here he says well the man who built this house was very eccentric he owned an Arabian racehorse and he wanted to breed horses on this property and what happened he finished building everything and he finished the house the house is not it's not normal it has a pond and waterfalls it's it's not normal it's not even something that I could explain to anyone in this room and he had a massive heart attack a week before he was supposed to move in he never ever moved into the house he never had a horse and all his stuff that he built there was never a horse I'm thinking to myself oh my gosh in Pas kiso it says that the biggest curse you could have is you will build and somebody else will move in you will plant and somebody else will harvest the biggest BR is they will build and you will move in okay so how much is it so he sits down and looks at me and I'm thinking it's going to be between and 10 million and he says well I'll tell you the truth that the family had some problems him his wife whatever it is she didn't live here just for a little while and he was in that other house while he was building this house they just want you to um take care of the mortgage and the back taxes I'm like and how much is that and he's like he'll be happy with 1.2 wow I said for the closet for the house he goes no for the whole estate I almost fell off my chair but I'm Jewish so I said to him how about 800,000 oh my go and he says I have to take it back to them we'll see and he comes back and two days later and he says 960 I'm like I don't know I'll get back to you the next day boom I ran to the bank because I was scared that someone else was going to steal it that the sut's going to take it away from me and we got a mortgage they they like they didn't they came to look at the property they thought that we had cash under the table there's no way you could buy for that price it doesn't it doesn't make any sense whatever it is we have it we bought it we have it that that's that's not the that's that's not the point of the story of course we have to raise a lot of money because to run it it's very expensive most of the girls that come to a place like this they're coming from dysfunctional places and they don't have money so we have to raise to keep to run it we have to raise a lot of money we got a mortgage whatever it is but I want to tell you what the main point of the story is I was upset I was upset I'm done I'm finished I was upset I said AEM five years I'm looking to do something for your girls and you're not helping me what's wrong with you the Eli said it and hasem was looking down saying wste I have been building this house for the last five years I decided to do it for you so you don't have to get the permits and the building problems and you would have spent to build it $9 million I just gave you a present of 8 million so at the time that I'm thinking where are you God God's working for me and that's in every single one of our lives and that's the lesson that's the lesson that I want to leave you sometimes we think that Hashem is not listening he's always listening and he's always working for for us not always do we get to see the end product I got to see the end product and you go home after the shabbaton tell your children that you love them tell your children that you're proud of them and tell your children that no matter what you will never give up on them CU I will never give up on us any lady who has a tongue ring who wants me to put in my Palace you let me know after this year thank you very much