Your Child Fell Asleep? Make Sure to Stay Awake

The title of today's class is two words, the sleepers in Hebrew, Hayesim. Today's class is dedicated by Stanley Frerieded in memory of his dear wife Sarah Miriam Basav in tribute to her first yard site on the sixth day of Shvat coming up this Shabas. Even now a year after her passing the whole family feels the void of the warmth and love that she brought into her home and community. Her impact will forever be lasting, impacting many people. Her legacy of hospitality, generosity, non-judgmental openness will always be a part of their lives and the lives of all who knew her. dedicated with immense love and gratitude by Yehuda, Usher, Ley, Ben, Alisa, Elena, Kaim, Freed, and their families and may indeed remain an eternal source of blessing and inspiration and empowerment. Thank you. You want the children anyway? Okay. I said that the title is the sleepers. So, uh I did it to myself. Nobody will be able to sleep. I once heard a rabbi from South Africa speak about an experience he had. If it actually happened or it was just a joke, I don't know. I never asked him, but it's certainly uh pretty funny. Basically, he would get up every Friday night in South Africa and Johannesburg and give his sermon to a very very large crowd in South Africa. Everybody comes to shul Friday night, even those who don't come Shabas day. Friday night you come to schul. It's very traditional community in that sense. And that's when the main sermon is. So he would get up to give his sermon and this fellow on the front row sitting in the front row was older man his name was Burkowitz the rabbi would start talking and at some point he would fall asleep but this was like a sacred tradition midday shabas bishabat every single shabas he wouldn't miss a week as the rabbi was giving his sermon burkowitz fell asleep and worse began to snore okay this went on for many many years one Friday night the rabbi is walking up to the pulpit to theender to give his sermon and guess what he already hears the snoring and he looks and he sees Burkowitz is already sleeping and snoring at this point even the rabbi's patient sometimes plots he lost it after years I guess of uh containment and he says burkowitz I don't understand you every week you fall asleep after I start my sermon You think I'm boring. I have nothing to say. So, you sleep when I'm talking. But this week, I didn't even open my mouth yet. You can't even say it's boring. I'm walking UP. WHY ARE YOU SLEEPING? Rawitz looks up and he says, "Rabbi, I trust you." The tradition of Jews sleeping sometimes with eyes closed and sometimes with eyes open if you're really good at it. Goes back a very very long time. In fact, the medish rabbi says in McGill and Esther that Rabbi no less a personality of the stature of Rabbi Ayaka was giving a Shir presentation and his students snoozed off and fell asleep to the point that Rabbi Akiva changed the subject in order to bring them back to consciousness and that's when he said his famous teaching why did Esther merit to govern 127 provinces of the Persian Empire. during the time of the reign of her husband and he connected it with Sara who lived 127 years. You have to know why Rabaka chose that teaching to inspire and arouse his audience. But I guess you see that people fell asleep. But the point that we're going to discuss today is a very fascinating and somewhat enigmatic that deals with people falling asleep during the sedar. Now you would say it's not a it's a reality. If you know how hard I work for the preparations of PES, it's very normal that sometimes the people that work hardest at some point take a Dremel. They take a snooze or even a nap during the seder around the table or somewhere else. And indeed we'll see that our sages dealt with this with this question of people falling. Now you would say what's the question? They fell asleep. They fell asleep. Okay. hopefully they'll wake up and they'll finish. But as it turns out that the laws here can become very intricate when it comes to the seder night. So let's let's go back to the origin of it. If you open your source sheets and you go to the opening the first source in your source sheets and we post the source sheets on the yeshiva.net. So if anybody wants to download them later or print them out or open them on the computer, they're always there on the website the yeshiva.net. net, but you have it printed out here. And I guess somebody's doing construction right the middle of my class this morning, so we won't fall asleep. The PK says in this week's paras peric yud mev Exodus verse 46. The Tyra is talking about the Kban Pes. Let's remember the background. The first seder night that took place in Jewish history was the night before the Jewish people left Egypt. They left Egypt on the 15th day of Nissen in the year 2448 since creation. 2448 since creation. On the 15th day of Nissen, the night before, the night the eve of the 15th of Nissen, which means the night after the 14th of Nissen, they conducted the first sedar in history. And the staple of that sedar would be the sheep or the goat that everybody was instructed to offer on that day on the 14th day of Nissen. And that goat or sheep would later be roasted. would be roasted on a fire be a barbecue grill ales and they would partake of this meal and this was called the Passover offering the carbon pes and this became the tradition every single of pes the Jewish people were instructed to bring this offering later of course it was in the ba mikdash first bd the second bikdish and this was the staple of the seder night as we say in our mik actually made a sandwich and the sandwich contained matzah which by the way was more like a lafa. The Yemenes still have matzah that is soft. It's like lafa. So it's actually quite an impressive sandwich. And in the sandwich you had pesak, you had lamb chops or goat meat and you had mr. So that was like you know the barbecue uh spicy sauce or lettuce or horseradish and you and Hill ate them together. That was what kuruk looked like. Today, of course, our kur is much more impoverished. We're left with hard matzah since most of us are not Yemenes. We're left with hard matzah and even stale matzah. And we have some lettuce inside and m which is lettuce or horseradish. But the original sandwich was pes matzah m. It had the beef. It had the beef. So at the seda table, you ate the carbon pes. You say matzah and this was the first seder. Now just got a I want to read a puss. I'm sorry. What? You mean what was their whole life? No, they're marvelous like four types of herbs. There's one of five types of herbs. You could use romaine lettuce or you could use what we used the horseradish. There's another few types of of mishn when introduced this mitzvah to the Jewish people when they were still in Egypt. He told this to them in the beginning of Nissen two weeks before and he said that every family every home needs to purchase a sheep or a goat sell and together families would partake in the carbon pes the father the mother the children if there were grandchildren what happens if there's a small family it's a nuclear family it's a small family and you don't have enough people to be able to consume an entire entire lamb or an entire goat. So what do you do? They can join. This was called a kabura. You joined. He says you join with your neighbors. You can join with friends. You can join with relatives. And you would do the seder together and eat the carbon together. And indeed this is how it was done year in year out. Asal say the pes offering was not eaten alone. you had to have a kabur a group of people and usually it was a large group I mean depends on how much a person could eat but there was a family or a few families together dependent on the size of the family you know you can have a family bar that's very large they don't need other families or you could join with families and friends and everybody would subscribe so to speak to this pes and they would offer it one person would offer it on their behalf and then they ate it together wherever they ate it they would barbecue it and they would eat it whether it was indoors or outdoors and have the seda together. This was a group. So the pes was eaten always with a group of people that was pre-arranged earlier. That's how it was purchased. That's how it was bought on behalf of a family or behalf of a few families, a few neighbors, a few friends, a few relatives, as much as they wanted. At least everybody can get at least a little piece of the carbon pesk, not big kazaya. So you can even have a very large group eating it together. But of course they had other foods so that people cuz if you had so if you had a huge family eating the carbon pes it wouldn't be enough for everybody to be satisfied. So sometimes you would have a little bit of that and you would have another carbon to be able to satisfy everybody. comes to Pik and says peric meter 12 46 chapter 12 verse 46 it should be eaten in one house when Mosher Rabenu is telling the laws to the Jewish people about this offering he says it should be eaten in one househab do not take out any part of the meat from the house outdoors. In other words, it has to remain in the location that was designated for eating the pes. And then you're also not allowed to break a bone. Rashi says, "What does it mean? It should be eaten in one house. You shouldn't take it out." He says, "It means a it has to remain in the group that was designated to eat it. Don't, for example, split the group into two and say, "Okay, you guys will eat half of it somewhere and we'll eat the other half of it." Okay? Don't do it. So, that includes also that includes one element. You have to stick to your you have to stick to your group. Now let's see the next source. This is the track they dedicated to PES. Say our sages. You might think that a person eating the pes should eat it in two places. So for example, I start my karum pes in my house and then I want to go to your house and and and continue the meal there. Maybe I'll even bring my meat to your house and eat it in two places. That's why the says no stay in your one house from here. They derived an interesting what's the if the shamish ate a kazayas kazayas is the volume of an olive of the pes offering near the oven if he's smart he should fill his stomach from it says and if the group wants to help him they could come and sit near him. What does this mean? So Rashi says you have the shamish the waiter or the chef he was in charge on the barbecue. So he was roasting it. He forgot. He put in aaz into his mouth and he was part of this group. So if he's smart, he should make sure to fill up his stomach with it because if he gets up from there and he goes into another place, he won't be able to continue eating it because the pes has to be eaten in one place. You have to remember that in the olden days many houses maybe most houses only had one room. It's not like today a house can have barak many bedrooms. Even if you go to visit old houses in America the way they were 150 200 years ago you'll see if a house had more than two rooms it was a big kadesh. A house had one room. It's interesting how they lived. You know you can have uh eight people sleeping on one bed mattress if you're familiar how it worked. life was different. So when the TA says it should be eaten in one house, Kazal understood it also means in one room because often a house had one room. So they said you can't even take it from one room to another room. You want to go upstairs. You take the car, YOU WANT TO GO UPSTAIRS, continue eating upstairs. That was not allowed. You could designate a room, but that's where you have to eat. If you're eating here, this is where you eat. Even to go to another room in the same house was forbidden because it says so that's why this shamish who forgot and he's starving. So he's by the barbecue and he starts eating. He now can go back in and eat over there cuz that would be a different location. So the whole group could come to him and they could make this the place. That's fine. They could eat outside by the barbecue or he could just eat whatever he's eating over there because in the new place he won't be able to eat. But since you can't take it outside the house, huh? That's if the place is in the house. If the if the meal starts in the house, right? If the carbon basic has eaten in the dining room. Yeah. I can't say, "Okay, let's go now continue on the porch or let's go to our next door as a neighbor or let's go outside or let's go upstairs or let's go to the basement or let's go to the living room." You get it? You stay in one place. But you didn't start at the Yes. We could designate a room. You want we want to sit uh we want to sit in what in a room that's the fine but once if this is the meal of the carbon basic you can't take it outside and continue outside or from outside inside now this was night time so people ate in the house especially this is the night of Egypt mak so they had to stay in the house usually pes was a different situation but this carbon pes remember was different because they had to stay in the house this was unique you understandly you can eat it wherever whatever you want in one place. But that year they had to stay in the house because outside was the plague of the makas of the death of the firstborn and they quarantined themselves in their house and they put blood right on the muzus on the two temples of the door and on the roof of the door they put the blood of the carbon pes but that was unique for that year that didn't happen again. Okay. Now there was a special then Allah to leave the house till the morning that was that year. Now what's the logic behind this? Is there a logic? So the mafam explain that this is all part of the idea of freedom. When a king sits down for a meal or a queen sits down for a meal or a prince sits down for a meal, they don't run around from the kitchen to the dining room to the living room. Right. Royalty, aristocracy. Yeah. I don't take a sandwich and go upstairs and downstairs, right? In a more it's more of a what's the right word? Royalty. It's a less dignified way of eating where I'm holding my sandwich or my potato chips and I'm running from here. Royalty. The way of eating aristocracy is you sit down in one place and this is your place to be served. Huh? And you expect to be served bring the food. Yeah. That's why you have children. So since everyone is a we so to speak reenact the experience of liberty and freedom and emancipation. So the dictates that everyone behaves like a king and a queen in their own home. So therefore we establish a place for the PES which represents the freedom and the night of freedom and we don't run. We're not going upstairs. We're not going downstairs in the middle. We're not continuing the meal at a friend. We're not going outside. We're not going to another room. This is how many commentators explain the the rationale or at least one of the reasons behind this fine. It seems pretty straight straightforward and clear. But from here from this biblical verse the sages deduced another very interesting and let's see how the Rambam phrases it in his magnumopus of your third source in the sources the Rambam and the laws oftal it and he's basically quoting a Mishna from the end of page 120 in Mishna and I quote me if somebody here we go to sleeping if somebody who's doing the seder falls asleep in the middle of eating the carbon pes I fall asleep it's been a long day or I should say a long months or a long two months. I fell asleep. I was in the middle of my sandwich or I was the middle of eating my meat, my carbon basic and I fell asleep and then I wake up. Maybe I wake up 5 minutes later, maybe I wake up 45 minutes later. Hopefully, if you're already sleeping, you know, do it well. Fascinating. I can't continue eating the carbon. That's it. Stop. Even though I want to eat more. There's more on the plate. I didn't finish. The is you can't eat more. Stop. Move on. Move on with the sedar. Why? What's the logic? I fell asleep. Okay. Like you left the room. Huh? It's like you left the room. So this is very interesting. What the sages understood is there is physical relocation and there's mental relocation. When I fell asleep, it's like I left the room. Not physically, I didn't leave the room. I stayed in one place the whole time. I have a very comfortable chair. I didn't want to leave the room. But mentally, I left the room. I wasn't present. I wasn't conscious. When a person is asleep, they're in the room physically, but they're in their own world. They're not in a relation with the table, with the people, with the sed with. So when I fell asleep in the middle of the meal and then I awake and I want to continue eating, it would be considered as I'm eating it in a new location just like if I take the meat and I go to your house and I want to continue eating it, I'm not allowed to. It says so if I go to sleep for half an hour or an hour and I wake up and now I continue eating it, it's like I'm eating the carbon pes in a new location again. Not a new physical location, but a new mental location. In other words, it's not a continuum of the first meal. The first meal was interrupted. And now I'm beginning a new meal following my slumber. What's wrong with beginning a new meal? Nothing wrong with beginning a new meal. But the problem is with a carbon pes, you could begin a new meal because you can eat 10 meals. You could fall asleep 10 times. But with the pes the says you can't have two meals [Music] right it has to be one meal in one place so even though this is the same place but it's like a new suda it's like I went to a new place and I'm continuing and I'm not continuing I'm creating a new suda so this is what the kazal understood that just like when I go to a different home I can't continue eating the offering because this this is not considered a continuation but it's a new meal in a new phase. So even if I'm in the same space but I fell asleep in the middle of the meal, the first meal came to an end and when I awake it's disconnected from the previous one. Hence I stop eating the Passover offering. Now the question is does this have any relevance today. Today we don't do the carbon pes and the answer is it has a lot of relevance today and that is at a time when many people fall asleep. It's called the Afi. It's been a long night. Now, I know many people have different types of sedars. There are seders that go fast. There are seders that don't go fast. There are people who like to hear themselves during the sedar and they want everybody else to hear them. They prepare a lot a lot of insights and lectures and speeches. Some of you know about those durim and by the time you hit the you are done or somebody at the table is done maybe not you you're the matriarch but some people are done and they fall asleep voluntary or involuntary right once Winston Churchill was sitting in the British Parliament. He was a very sharp man and he had he had a sharp tongue and somebody was talking and the person was so monoton you know Churchill had away with words but this person didn't have away with words and they there was very very monotonous and they were going on and on and on and on and Winston Churchill fell asleep and he was a big fellow and when he slept you can hear it and see it so this person got very offended and said Mr. Churchill, do you have to sleep in the middle of my presentation? He says, I don't have to. It's completely voluntary. [Music] So whether it's voluntary or whether it's voluntary or involuntary, the person fell asleep. So let's see the next So the way he phrases the laws of PE section 478 and this is based on the discussion in the T and the and the commentaries of the because there are a few opinions about this but this is the that most of the authorities embrace. Take a look. This is the addresses laws that didn't apply in the time of the B mikdash only. It addresses laws that apply timelessly even in the time of exile. The Rambam addresses all the even of Msiah and of the Bik. But the only addresses that are relevant in today's time. That's the difference. The Rambam included all even those that are not relevant today because you don't have a B mik. Today we have the why do we eat an we already ate matzah. You remember the system of the seder is after you wash a second times you do matzah. We make we make a matzah and we eat matzah and then you eat m and then you eat and then you eat a sandwich and then finally we come to the delicious egg which tastes better than ever and we begin right and when we finish the meal you have the fish you have the soup you have the chicken whatever you're serving dessert I'm not going to ask you what you serve for dessert for pes because I know that the standards of dessert go from uh pizza to ice cream to cheesecake to uh oranges or nothing. But whatever your dessert is, now it's time for the because after the we're not going to eat anything, right? The word comes from two words, a combination of two words. Bring out the dessert, bring out the meal is is nutrition meal means bring out. We say in the the mission says which means we do not continue eating after we eat. Why? What do you care if you continue eating? What if after the seder you want to eat? I don't know why but some people the answer is because the was introduced for a particular reason. It's a direct commemoration of the carbon pes. The carbon pes used to be eaten at the end of the meal because he didn't want people starving when they ate the carbon pes. Why? Because again royalty doesn't fess forgive me right aristocrats they're not so starving that they have to jump on the food so the carbon pes was eaten after the meal so people weren't obsessed with the food they can eat it calmly and nicely they were already I'm not going to say satiated in our terms American term satiated means you can't breathe then satiated meant you ate a little bit so your stomach wasn't going crazy it's not What today satiated? Satiated means today after nine courses you can't breathe anymore. You feel like you're having a heart attack. You shut down emotionally. That's called satiated. If not I'm not satiated. I'm starving. It's like I'm fasting for 3 days. But then before before a lot of things happened sati mean my stomach is not you know rumble. Yeah. It's not rumbling from the pangs of of of starvation. And then they ate the carbon bas. After the carbon pes you didn't eat another meal because they wanted the taste of the carb should linger with the person throughout the evening. Okay. Today we don't have a carbon pes so we eat a is a special matzah that of course we put away in the beginning of the and our children discover it and we eat it. So that's why that has a very special place in Jewish tradition and Jewish law and Jewish ritual cuz this is what we're eating as a commemoration for the sheep and the the lamb or the goat that was eaten. We don't have the lamb or the goat. We're not doing a carbon. So we eat. So that's why when you eat came the authorities and they said the same laws that the terra says about the carbon pes we apply also to the and now we'll understand fifth source if you fall asleep in the middle of eating the I FALL ASLEEP 20 MINUTES LATER an hour later I wake I can't eat anymore. Even if I didn't yet eat the volume of an olive of my I understand if a person already ate a big portion of the and they fall asleep, you're done. Fine. Move on. But I did. I just I just began. I took a little piece. Not even a kazayas. I fell asleep. I wake up. I want to continue. The is you don't continue. Why? Because sleeping is considered an abrupt interruption. An interruption between one meal and between the first eating and the second consumption. So if I now continue eating after my sleep, it's like I went to another location and I CONTINUED EATING NOT IN THE first location [Applause] and it's forbidden to eat in two locations. If I'm sitting in my dining room and eating, I can't go to your house to continue eating, either mine or yours or go to another room in my house. And sleeping again, as we learned, is like going to a new place. The second meal is like in a new place in a new mental location. It's not a continuation of the first one. And the says the pes has to be eaten in one location. And therefore we apply it also to the afika. Okay, straightforward. So if you're going to sleep, do it before the afikiman. Do it after the kimon or make sure you ate enough of your afan to fall asleep. Now here comes a fascinating disclaimer or qualification and that is this only applies to corona. This only applies to a corona seder. What it what does it mean? What does it mean? Let's see next source. And let me say it before so you'll understand the source. This law applies only if you're holding your seder alone. We know 2020 corona broke out. When was it a week after purim? You remember March 2020 and many people including some of our parents or grandparents or relatives or friends held the seda literally alone. Literally alone in the house. There was not one other person at the seda table. When did this happen? How did they know about corona? You think corona invented corona? The black plague. The black plague is the 1300s. This is Yeah. Listen, there were there were people alone. Yeah. Throughout history, unfortunately. So here's the if you're eating the Passover offering or the in a group setting as most of us do with and remember the pes you had to eat. Today technically you're allowed to have the seder alone. It's not comfortable but if you really want to you could you're allowed to sit yourself at the sedar. Yeah. You'll ask yourself the manishama which is fine. We talk to ourselves anyway. However, in the when they had the carbon pes, it was a mitzvah to have more people. So, if it's with a group, now the is that if he or she falls asleep after they awake, they could continue eating as long as one member or few members in the group stayed awake after eating also. No, stayed awake. Smoozing, singing, eating, whatever they're doing. Even if many members of the group fell asleep, you have a group of 20 people, 15 of them FELL ASLEEP, MAYBE MOST of them fell asleep. And it's not uncommon if you say there is not ending. It's not uncommon. As long as some members of the group stayed awake, everybody can resume the meal when they awake. Let's see it inside. This is a mission at the end of track. on. If part of them fell asleep, when they get up, they can eat. COOL ON. IF everybody fell asleep, if the whole group fell asleep, now they're all sleeping. They can't continue eating. Adds one more point means you snooze. You snooze, you lose, you doze off. Means you there's two different postures means you're not fully gone you may not be you know fully coherent but if somebody asks you a question you can answer means you're schluff I have to wake you up so he says even if everybody is snoozing but they didn't fall asleep mish and they wake up they could continue but if now let's see how it's how it's formulated in If you fell asleep in the middle of the carbon and you woke up, you're not allowed to continue eating. But if you had members of a group and part of them fell asleep in the middle of the meal, even those who fell asleep when they wake up, they could continue eating. If everybody fell asleep, the whole table and then they wake up then they can if they just snoozed off they could wake up and continue to eat the carbon and he's going to apply it to our days. Let's see how he formulates it. When was it set that if you fall asleep in the middle of and you wake up you can't continue eating it even if you just ate a tiny piece in the beginning if you're sitting alone group sitting together and some of them fall asleep in the middle of and they wake up they can all continue jump right back into the meal Even if they ALREADY ATE A KAZAYAS, WHY? WHY? YOU JUST TOLD ME THAT if you fell asleep, you interrupted the first meal and the new meal is like in a new location. The answer is there. Sleeping is not considered interruption of the first meal. Why? I fell asleep because part of their part of their part of their word comes from like a group remained awake. But if everybody ta fell asleep then indeed they won't be able to continue eating. The logic I think is very clear. If I'm eating in your company even if I fell asleep my meal has not been interrupted. You know why? Because we're in this together. We're in cahoots and you're still part OF THE MEAL. I'M NOT. I left to a different world. I checked out for an hour but you didn't check out. She didn't check out. He didn't check out. Whoever is there as long as somebody some of the people or somebody is awake. So now when I resume consciousness I'm not starting A NEW MEAL. SHALOM. Welcome to America. I jump right back into THE GAME BECAUSE YOU KEPT THE chair so to speak warm. You kept the meal going even though I wasn't there because I fell asleep. So the fact that I took a nap for an hour, maybe even more, doesn't mean my meal has seized. Why? Because I'm not alone. I'm part of a and this meal was never interrupted by me falling into the sleep in sleep because the is there. Of course, if the entire group eating the kimon if everybody fell asleep, then indeed the meal got interrupted because there's nobody keeping the chairs. They're keeping the cheers warm but they're not uh they're not awake. So then they cannot continue eating the and then he makes the difference in the next between andu between taking a little snooze and really falling into asleep and that's the distinction. Now at first glance when we read these They seem extremely technical. They're really dealing with a very technical situation. Somebody who's eating, he's tired, she's tired. You fall asleep. Can you continue eating and not eating? That's on on on one level. Very very technical in a particular situation. And the truth is in most situations it wouldn't even apply because as I said, we had it during Corona. But how often does it happen that a person is at a sedar alone without anybody else without any ben the time of the bikdash and today when you're eating the it happens but it's certainly not very common. Yeah, the B mikdash you wanted it finished. You did not want to leave over the carbon pes and after the next morning it was called nicer and the meat would have to be burnt. So you wanted it should be eaten at least you try. Sometimes things happen, you know, a person gets sick or a person can't eat whatever. But you tried whatever you can to eat it up and that's why you had to have more people for a person to eat the whole lamb is is is difficult and the says you should try to eat it with other people. It's a question of not but certainly according to everybody we try to have other people. The pes is eaten by it's the one carbon where you want dafka dka group. So that's why it wasn't a very common but still the discusses this because it can happen and discusses all situations even if they're remote and in our times we saw that it was actually quite quite quite relevant and practical but it seems like a very technical situation very technical question what is more as I was once teaching this to my students we were learning and somebody said you know why does everything have to be stretched so much The Tyra says eat the pes in one house. Leave it by that. Leave it by that. So one house became one room. Okay, I can understand most houses had one room. Okay, but now it means even if I'm in the same room, I can't fall asleep. So the kazal stretched it from physical location to mental location. Okay, because it's considered a new meal. And now they have all these qualifications. If it's with a group and not a group, how much I'm sleeping? So yeah, it all makes sense. But the kazal really need to stretch it AND THEN THEY STRETCHED IT TO THE T IS NOT TALKING about is talking about the carbon has an expression it's a stringency some people say it doesn't apply to the is only a commemoration for the carbon do we have to apply every last intricacy but we say it does apply to the vagon writes he has a amazing commentary on safer mish on the book of proverbs. It's a beautiful beautiful commentary by the vagon was written by one of his students what he heard from his teacher's which means your source should be blessed and the source here means according to most commentators the procreative power of a person to generate to create a new generation that's called the muk and rejoice with the woman of your youth. So he's really blessing him that their their marriage and relationship should be blessed and and full of joy and powerful and the source the father and the mother should be blessed should be able to produce a generation of of healthy and wholesome and happy children. The vagon says like every puss and mish it's about wisdom and about learning. There's also the words are metaphoric for a for for another layer and he says and this is a very famous principle very famous principle has generally two layers it's called and in it's called the body of tra and the soul of terra What does it mean? The goof is concrete. You could see my body. It's tangible. It's physical. It's practical. It's concrete. The body concretizes the soul. A soul without a body exists, but it's transcendent. It's elusive. It's nebulous. The body concretizes it, giving it a physical vehicle. When a person finishes their mission on earth, the soul doesn't die. It's rather unplugged. Unplugged is a much more accurate definition. When a refrigerator is plugged into the wall, the electricity flows through the refrigerator so that it can cool the food. When somebody unplugs the refrigerator, the electricity doesn't die. Electricity doesn't die. It returns back to its source. The refrigerator now is not processing the electricity, but electricity doesn't die. When a person is physically alive, the soul's electricity is being processed through the body. Like a phone that's plugged in, like a computer that's plugged in, like an air conditioner that's plugged in. When a person finishes their mission on Earth, the soul doesn't die. It's just the body is not manifesting the electricity of the soul. When a person is alive, the body concretizes. It brings down the soul into a physical vehicle. The soul has vision. But pre-birth and after death, the soul doesn't use the eye to have vision. And therefore, its vision is infinite. The soul could see from one end of the world to the other end of the world. It sees things on a different level because it doesn't have the limits of the body. In the body, it's concretized through the body. So when the zer says is compared to the organism of a person there's the n of there's the of the body of is the way is concretized in law tradition and ritual and just like the body is made up of a very very complex and intricate system comprised of 50 or more trillion cells each cell has its unique place and position and function within a healthy organism to make it work. And every body is comp every single body is comprised of the building blocks of matter that make up the body all the way to the levels of limbs and organs and senus and bones and arteries and tissue etc. The same is true with tira. The body of TRA is comprised of very very detailed and intricate nuances and laws and cells that together make up the living organism called the expression. But the has the soul of this is called the reason it's called pimiuses because the soul infuses the go with a deeper energy and vitality and consciousness and even though the body the body needs the soul the soul needs the body. So the viliggon says in Mish want to see the language. That's Mishapter 5. The villagon says like this is the source. The Torah has two layers. So every law and exists on two dimensions. One is the body dimension. The body dimension is understanding its concrete physical practical manifestation. For example, this if you fall asleep in the middle of the carbon p and you wake up, you can't CONTINUE EATING IT. THAT'S VERY PRACTICAL. If you have a group and they're awake, you could continue. Got it? But you also have the same law on a soul level. Meaning the law is addressing something spiritual and psychological and emotional transcendent. And the soul and the body come together. So he says go back to the source of because that will be a blessing because it will give you a depth and a psychological and emotional relevance by understanding the inner inner dimension of every law. Then then you'll have a new a joy with the woman of your youth. Meaning when we start growing up and we learn tra, we don't start with the soul of Tyra. You start off with the practicalities. But when you get into the details, there's a lot of questions. Did it really is this is this nuance really so important? Is this a little too nuanced? Is this a little too intricate? So he says, but once you see the muker, once you understand the spiritual dimension, then you'll go back to the woman of your youth. You'll go back to the of your youth and you'll have a new sim because suddenly you'll see how every detail is really a reflection of a spiritual truth that is concretized through that particular and what seems like an insignificant detail really represents a profound cosmic truth just like every cell in the body is so significant or just like every uh every element in the in the in the genes of a person in the DNA of a person In every single cell, you have a double copy of the genum, which is essentially the genetic code, which is the manual and the blueprint of how your organism should function. And the sequence of the DNA is so meticulous and precise that if god forbid there will be even a tiny alteration in the sequence, it can create tremendous consequences, sometimes very catastrophic ones in the bodies. What's the difference? If this chemical is before this chemical, if this letter is before this letter, but when you when you understand what's behind it, it's not just a letter. It's really the letter is a code for an entire structure, you see how significant it is. A simple example would be if you decide to send me an email and for some reason you don't have patience, so you take out the dot from the email. Rabbi Yway atthe yeshiva.net. You say, you know what? Who cares about a dot? Take out the dot. I'm never going to get your email. So, you'll ask me why. And the answer is it looks like a dot. For us dummies who don't know backend programming, it looks like a dot. But if you know about back end programming, you know that that dot captures very complicated code language. And in the back end that dot allows you to connect to a CERTAIN CODE THAT SENDS YOUR EMAIL THROUGH CYERSPACE. IF NOT, I'M SORRY. You simply you can't send it. So on one level it looks like a dot. On another level if you're the programmer you understand it's anything but a dot. It was simplified through a dot. says when you go back to the mocker to the source to the backend program of Judaism suddenly you will learn that those insignificant dots are not dots they have very very profound spiritual cosmic psychological and emotional meaning not in an obsessive way but in a holistic way because the worst thing to think about a body is that details don't matter every detail is an indispensable component to the healthy organism. Why am I giving this introduction? Because that's what we want to now address to be able to really appreciate these on a practical level. Let's go back to let's see what it means on a source level because as I said before, it seems like it's very technical and very uncommon and ALSO A VERY FAR STRETCH FROM the original law. It's like we have to stretch and stretch and stretch. That's as long as you don't appreciate the penimius the soul of these and that's what we want to address in the remainder of the class. I was 17 years old. I was a yeshiva ber. I still remember the date. It was kavis tshin nun. That's January 20th of Tavis. January, it was around January 7, that time of the year. January 1990, the beginning of 1990. Couple of years ago, not so long ago, but a couple of years ago. I was younger than I am today. That's profound. That's profound. a little younger than I am still young but I was a little younger than I am today and happens to be the yardet of the Rambam the Rambam's yard is the instituted a raam every day to finish the whole Mishna either in a year or three years if you learn three chapters a day you finish in a year you learn one chapter you finish in three years and it's very fascinating Because is the only work we have that covers all of is only of today is all of Jewish law from the mdish from so it's really the whole body of that day they were learning so after might of the spoke and he gave a presentation of in this ram about the about the sleeping in the middle of the and he explained then the ponymous the internal spiritual energetic etic dimension of these laws. It was just a few minutes, very brief and concise, but I still remember how moving it was for me. Number one, to be able to perceive beyond the external layer, to be able to perceive the inner dimension of the hala. Number two, it was a paradigm of how you have to see. And number three, the message itself was extremely uh emotional. The message itself was extremely moving. And when we understand that layer then suddenly we see how all the physical and technical details are manifestations of that inner truth. The seder essentially the seder of Pesak which is introduced in paras essentially represents the eternal story of the Jewish people. The journey of the Jewish people is a journey from Mitim from the exodus of Egypt all the way till Messiah. And the seder is that journey of the Jewish people as they left mitim and they began their work as God's people to transform themselves and to transform the world. And as we say in the we say every generation one ought to reexperience. Remember all the days of your life. In other words, the sedu is not a once a year or once in history. It's a continuous mitzvah and process of the Jew to leave Egypt physically, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually on our journey from towards redemptiveness individually and collectively. Individually and globally, physically and spiritually. In the itself, we say It wasn't in one generation that people stood up like par to destroy this. But in every generation there's another attempt to annihilate the Jewish people. In other words, the journey of gullis and continues. And this seder is when we celebrate the birth of our people, the birth of our identity. in chapter 16 compares to pregnancy to birth. Hashem says, "I came that night and you looked like a new baby that emerged from its mother's womb without clothes submerged in blood like a baby coming out to the world. You should live in your blood. Your umbilical cord had to be cut so for that you could become a nation because you were almost in the womb of your masters and you had to be extracted from the womb and and been given liberty and autonomy. In other words, pes is the birth of the Jewish people. The other holidays are development and indeed it's fascinating to observe the place that the seder holds in the lives of many Jews who don't participate in other Jewish rituals and tradition. If I'm not mistaken, even more than Rashana and Yamiper, the Sedar is the single most observed Jewish tradition among the Jewish people, even many millions who unfortunately are more assimilated or less affiliated. I believe I saw once I researched that in Israel, they could barely find a Jew who didn't participate in some type of Sedar. And even in other places outside of Israel where many Jews even Yam Kipper won't come to schul but a sed I'm not going to say everybody has a seder but the vast majority participate in some some type of sedar and there's a reason for it. The reason is because somehow it touches on identity who you are. It's not the details. You have, you have sukus, you have kanak, you have purim, you have even you have other great and important days. But somehow the the the seder is who I am. Who I am. I belong to this family. I'm a Jew before what it means to be a Jew. But I'm a Jew. And that touches most Jews. I'm a Jew. I'm part of this people. However I interpret it, however I explain it. And that's what the seder the seda represents. In fact, one of the most powerful qualities of Jewish history is that uninterrupted story. The fact that we have that memory and we tell that story every single day. The same matzah, the same stale matzah that we ate 3,300 years ago, we're still eating today. It's not just you tell a story, you enact a story. The same food, the memories, we know which day we left, we know how many people left, we know what we ate when we left. And we eat that food. we eat sometimes even taste the same. We got to you tell the story. [Music] Yet at some point in the long journey, in the long journey of Jewish history, in the long journey represented by the sedar, at some point many people fell asleep. They fell asleep at the seda table. Why do people fall asleep? They find it boring. They find it irrelevant. They find it monotonous. They may even find it disturbing. They may even find it painful. May cause them pain. So people fall asleep, which means they check out emotionally. They check out spiritually. Sometimes they check out physically. They do what Jews do during a boring sermon. It's called schluff. Falling asleep. said there was a rabbi who was once giving a sermon and the president of the shul started to sleep. So the rabbi who didn't like the president tells the guy go knock him over his head and wake him up. So he knocks him over his head. The president looks up and he says do it again. I could still hear him. At some point of our history, a major part or a significant part of our people closed their eyes at the seda table. They closed their eyes at the carbon or the what it represents. In other words, it became meaningless for them, became irrelevant for them. And therefore, they zoned out. They zoned out of the Jewish story. They zoned out of the story of Mitzim, of the story of Jewish identity, of the journey of the Jewish people from to Hari all the way to Messiah. Somebody once said, "I'm very good at sleeping. I can do it with my eyes closed." So sometimes people become very very apt, very comfortable in their sleep. And when we think about this reality, it could become very very sad and depressing. First of all, the way people look at themselves. I hear this all the time. Sometime a person looks at himself or herself and feels that I'm detached. my father or my grandfather, my mother, my grandmother, my great-grandfather at some point closed their eyes in the middle of the sedar. They went into a schluff. They didn't only doze off for a few seconds. They fell asleep. And now a few generations later, the grandchild, grandson, the granddaughter, the great-grandson, the great granddaughter feels that they don't have a connection. They don't really have a relationship. I didn't grow up with it. I don't understand it. I can barely read. I can barely understand what's going on. I never practiced in my own. They feel they feel disconnected. There are others who eulogize them very swiftly and say, "Yeah, most of the Jewish people are lost from Israel. We have 15 million Jews." If you look at the amount of Jews who are actively mitzvah actively so to speak sitting at the seda table with their eyes open involved immersed alive it's a very very small percentage extremely small percentage that's the fact and there are those who ARE SITTING AROUND THE TABLE physically but their eyes ARE STILL CLOSED OR THEIR EYES ARE open but they're sleeping with their eyes open. You know, I may wear the garb. I may be dressed apart. I may be walking the walk. I may even be talking the talk, but internally I'm not interested. I checked out. I was once teaching in a yeshiva and I would give classes in Gmorra and there was a boy who sat right in front of me and he would stare at me. They were two-hour classes but he was checked out. So I once went over to him and I said, "You know, I have to say I'm very impressed with you. I see that you're not listening, which I understand. It's long. It's hard. But you you look at me the whole time. How do you do that?" He looks at me. He says, "Rabbi Jacobson, I have 10 years experience with my father." [Music] So my father preached to me and screamed and preached and preached and I learned to look at him because I had to look at him. But I checked out. So sometimes people sleep with their open with their with their with their eyes open somebody once told the he was a big he had a lot of ambitions he says you're dreaming he says yeah my dreams are not when I'm asleep my dreams are when I'm awake so I'm happy to dream when you're awake is a little more difficult than to dream when you're sleeping so sometimes people look at this group THE MAJORITY AND WRITE THEM OFF. They're lost. They're disconnected. They're detached from the narrative. They interrupted the journey. Whether it was conscious, unconscious, voluntary, involuntary, beazed, not be amazed, because of apathy, because of ignorance, because of maliciousness, because of foolishness, because of justified reasons, unjustified reasons. But they detached themselves from the golden chain that continues literally 3,330 years. They cut their umbilical cord that connects them to their progenitors, to their past. They decided to write their last chapter on such a glorious, beautiful story. Their chapter will be the last chapter. How sad, how difficult, how painful. And then there are others who say, "How in the world do you think the Jewish people are worthy of redemptiveness, of gula, of finishing the seder, of saying when such big parts or major parts of their nation maybe a MAJORITY OF IT MORE than a majority went to sleep and there's such a minority that's awake AND SOMETIMES THE MINORITY THAT'S awake also becomes very judgmental there's a holier than thou attitude there's a dismissive attitude I'm from the holy ones you're from the sleepers and that night and I'll never forget it I told you I was 17 years left such an impact on me and it molded it molded the way I teach. The Reb said this premise is mistaken and the reason this premise is mistaken and I can still remember the emotions that touched me when I heard these words because you don't understand the nature and the chemistry of the Jewish people which is not based on isolation. It's based on it's based on Bava. It's based on a group. The first thing the terror says is not good is what's the first insh. It's not good for Adam to be alone. Adam includes men and women. [Music] Huh? Adam includes men and women. You can look in birches. I didn't make this up. I'm not saying this because it's a woman's class. If you look in say for it says I didn't make that up includes and yes you could be more specific and say and but clearly says about and together and when it says what does that mean that Adam needs a soulmate and certainly needs a soulmate right they both need each other it's not a he needs needs her and she doesn't need him. It wasn't the wisest woman who It wasn't the wisest thing when the woman said women need men like fish need bicycles. Huh? Why is that the only carbon that we eat? The answer is because the carbon pes is the one carbon of Jewish identity. It's the offering that commemorates the night we became a people. We literally became a nation. Till that point, we were slaves. Slaves don't belong to themselves. Slaves belong unfortunately to their masters. Theo says the first mitzvah Hashem gave the Jewish people before any mitzvah is which the mitzvah of counting time. How we establish our calendar. The first day of the month, the last day OF THE MONTH. WHY IS THAT THE FIRST MITZVAH? You can't find any other MITZVAH IN EGYPT. BEFORE THEY LEFT, THEY had to hear one mitzvah. Not Shabas, even before Pes. The first mitzvah was really the calendar is so important. Like you're gathering a bunch of slaves. YOU'RE ABOUT TO GO FREE. BUT GUYS, BEFORE ANYTHING, let me tell you about the calendar. Even today, nobody understands the calendar. There's two and a half people who know how the calendar works. It's very complicated. The calendar, Jewish calendar is very complicated. Roman calendar is solar. The Muslim calendar is lunar. The Jewish calendar is lunatic because it's solar and lunar together. And putting the sun and the moon together creates lunacy. It's an impossible feat. And yet we do it every month. Ramadan could be in the spring, could be in the summer, could be in the winter. The pes could only be in the spring. So you need the sun. But our months follow the moon. So that's a problem. Hence our holidays are never on time. Right? EVERY JEW SAYS, "THIS YEAR RASHAN IS LATE. THIS YEAR RASHAN IS EARLY." I NEVER HEARD ANYBODY SAY, "THIS YEAR NEW YEAR'S IS EARLY. NEW YEAR'S IS LATE. THANKSGIVING IS LATE." WHY IS THANKSGIVING never late and pes and sukus are always early late? I never heard anybody say this year is on time. The answer is because it's never on time because the sun and the moon don't get along. Why is that the first mitzvah? So the writes, slaves don't own their days. They don't own time. The difference between freedom and slavery is time. A slave knows the time, but he doesn't own the time. Your whims, your desires define my time. A free person, where does freedom first and foremost express itself? Time. Your relationship to time. YOU OWN YOUR TIME. IT'S YOURS. THAT'S WHAT HE TOLD them in Egypt. He was giving them the mentality of freedom before actually going physically free. You have to cultivate a mentality of freedom because if not, I could leave Egypt, but Egypt doesn't leave me as we discussed last week. Why does individual freedom come before the group? Why doesn't Right. So that's what he was saying. In order to be able to celebrate Pesak, you're going to have to realize that the beginning of the month, you define it. This is our first day. The masters in Egypt will not define the first day. We will define it. That's why you can have people who are technically free. But if you don't own your time, if I don't own my time, I'm a slave. I can be a slave to my addictions, a slave to my laziness, a slave to my depression, a slave to my fears. And that's very deep. Sometimes it's worse than any other form of slavery because there's nobody physically chaining me. But internally I'm chaining myself. But is that is that defined by or is it an individual freedom or a soesh is also established by the best? There's witnesses, a whole process of witnesses. But it's still not because you celebrate on your own. You don't need 25 people to celebrate. Yeah. So once the Jewish people when the Jewish people now become free, how did I get into the calendar? I forgot. Anybody remembers? You remember always my sequence. Oh, the first mitzvah. But right before that, discussing the Okay. Huh. Yeah. So, so, so let's go back. So, the first night of PES, so Hashem says, "Now, when the Jewish people emerge as people say this carbon together, families, because our attachment is not luxury, it's not comfort. It's not if I have time, I'll find attachment. As we know today in the world of psychology, attachment is essential to the core of identity. There's no identity without attachment. They used to think attachment is later in life you'll form relationships. If my attachment in the earliest days and weeks and months of my life is wounded, the attachment with my primary caregivers, something very deep is wounded in a person's core. And the rest of their life they're trying to compensate for it. And very often what happens later is trying to replay and fix and repair that wounded attachment that could be very profound. And it's not just attachment. It's we live in that relational field of energy. Our facial expressions as our our our our gestures, our smiles, the way we react to people, the way you trigger me and I trigger you. in the earliest earliest moments are essential. So the PES is and it's not just true emotionally psychology. It's also true collectively as a people and I'm just going to refer to this very briefly because he once did a class on this paro before pes what was the first mitzvah with the carbon pes they had to take audas ao they had to take a bundle of hissip hissip plant did I pronounce that correctly dip it in the blood of the pes and dye the doors of their home and remain in that house till the morning and not leave and eat the current pes there And God says, "I'll recognize the blood and I'll leap over your home and keep you safe." What is that all about? What is that all about? And one of the interpretations is, and it's quite astounding, is you can't leave Egypt if you don't go back to the moment where it all began. And the moment it all began was Yisf was sold as a slave to an Egyptian master. BUT THE BROTHERS HAD A problem cuz how do they break the news of what they did to Tati to Yak? So they took his tunic, his passim, HIS MULTICOLORFUL TUNIC AND DIPPED IT IN THE BLOOD OF A GOAT. No other animal rashi says it's the most similar to human blood. And they sent it to Yakov and they said recognize is this the tunic of your son or not? And Yakov recognized it. And he said, "I'm going to go down to my grave and grieve, mourning for my son. A wild beast has devoured my son Ysef." Here is the proof. The tunic is bloody. In other words, a wild undomemesticated beast has mold. investigate that. No, they dipped it in blood of a goat so that Yakov should perceive it as Ysef's blood. But the truth is, you understand? But the truth is, I'll explain to you again. A goat's blood is similar to a person. They wanted Yakov should think that Yseph was devoured by an animal. If an animal devoured him and then left his tunic around, his tunic would be with his blood. You understand? It wasn't really Y's blood. It was a goat's blood. Yeah. But this might be absurd because after all, okay, but that was the actual the actual implementation and that's why they came down to Mitsay. 22 years later when Ysef reveals himself, he says there's a hunger in Israel. Come here. I'll take care of you. The beginning of the exile of Egypt is that the first family of the Jewish people can't get along. There is profound discord and contention. the night before they go free, God says, "We have to go back to that moment, but we're going to do it differently." And it's really incredible when you see these connections in that you can overlook superficially. So he says, "Take audas." The word means what? Gathering a bundle. Egood, right? Audos. You've heard of the organization, right? to bomb bring together. THAT'S THE POINT to bring together. Bring together means different personalities, different souls. But you have to be able to be here for each other. You can't allow other CALCULATIONS TO TAKE OUT A DIP IT IN THAT BLOOD OF THE GOAT OR THE SHEEP. But this time, you know what you're going to do with the blood? You're not going to send it to your father. You're going to put it around your house and you're going to say in this house there's a family AND DON'T LEAVE THE HOUSE TILL THE MORNING. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? WHAT THAT MEANS IS I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE ARGUING BUT YOU STAY IN THE HOUSE. Argue around the same table. Don't run out of the house. It's easy FOR ME TO RUN OUT OF THE HOUSE. SLAM THE DOOR. I'M NOT PART OF YOUR FAMILY. I'm done with you. No, no, no. sit in that house till the morning then I'll recognize that you are a free people because you will not be able to be free if internally you cannot really respect otherness you cannot really unite with your brothers and sisters you can't really make peace with them and you will not survive if you're not going to have each other so that's the pes that's there was one of the the second Alexander rebber It was known as the Isis the he passed away in 1910 was one of the greatest rebas in Poland Alexander last name was Danser of Dans has a called beautiful he writes a whole he says the Gmor says if most of Clius is impure they're allowed to bring all the carbon they're allowed to bring carbon pes even when they're impure Imagine kayanim go into the bdas they're impure usually it's a death penalty it's kuris but if most of the kayanim or most of the Jewish people are impure you're allowed to do all the carbonas in fact there were those who wanted to be and still those who wanted to be of the carbon pes in our times because they say since most of is you're allowed to do it and as long as you build a misbeh and you know ra says you can be mak of a carbon even without a bik as long as you have a misbak so there are those who called and call for doing the carbon even today because there's many sources that it's permissible wanted to do it there was a there were a lot of great people who wanted to do it so says what does that really mean it really means that when people are together they can transcend the impurity even though there's impurity but you can transcend so when you understand the identity of the Jewish people the is not luxury it's essential as we say before why will he gather us together you're in Australia I'm in New Zealand he's in Moscow she's in London he's in Paris in Tel Aiv he's New York and this one is even in Rockland County the answer is the word comes from the connection. Whenever there's a connection, so then people could be fully cognizant of who they really are. It's an explanation. If I'm God, I'm the source of oneness. So oneness is essential. Huh? One second. This is So now we come back. Remember, there's the Jew who feels disconnected cuz my father fell asleep, my grandfather fell asleep. There's a Jew who feels disassociated. There's the Jew who eulogizes everybody who fell asleep even with a certain sense of uh dismissiveness or vindictiveness. You see it in Israel all the time. The religious, the secular, it's complicated over there. And I'm not just talking about practically even emotionally. And there are those who say how will this nation be worthy of redemption etc. So the Reb saidal is one and never ever has there been a situation that everybody fell asleep. And as long as somebody is awake and is always those who are awake. So then everybody else, they're still part of exactly the same meal. And when they emerge, WHEN THEY WAKE UP, they're not starting something new. They don't have to recreate a new identity. THEY JUMP RIGHT BACK INTO THEIR MEAL. because somebody in the kabura never ever went to sleep. Even if the whole group snoozes still it's good. Certainly they don't somebody didn't even snooze was always awake. So therefore therefore at some point everybody wakes up. Everybody wakes up. You're not waking up to a new seder, to a new story, to a new meal, to a new relationship that never existed. You're waking up to a reality that is part of you, that was always part of you, to a meal that was waiting for you, to the chairs that were left open for you, AND YOU'RE PART OF THE SAME MEAL. AND THEREFORE, IT'S NOT JUST THEIR meal wasn't interrupted. Your story was never interrupted because remained awake throughout history and in every generation you'll never have a situation that everybody's asleep. Sometimes it becomes very personal with parents. We live in a time where there's children, many children and many families who at some point in their life choose a different path than their parents. And whatever the cause is, whatever the factors behind it, that's not today's analysis, but they choose a different path. The path of their parents, their grandparents, their great-grandparents, maybe for thousands of years, they say, "I'm done. This is not for me. It's too painful for me. I don't believe in it. It's confusing for me. It's boring. It's irrelevant. It's not my table. It's not my meal. It's not MY FAITH. IT'S NOT MY DESTINY. IT'S NOT MY VOCATION. I'M GONE. Whether physically I'm gone, spiritually I'm gone, emotionally I'm gone. Maybe I'll show up at the table as out of respect for Bubby. I'll even put on my keep out of respect for Zadi. But the moment I'll say goodbye, I'm on my own. And it's very very heart-wrenching especially for parents, siblings, grandparents, uncles, aunts to see this. And this is where this hala becomes not just important but it becomes vital and it's oxygen. WHAT IS YOUR JOB AT that moment? Your job at that moment is fall asleep. You don't fall asleep. You don't fall into a slumber. You don't fall into a depression. You don't fall into anger or cynicism. And you believe that their meal has not been interrupted. YOU HOLD THOSE CHAIRS OPEN AND WARM AND WELCOME and vibrant and alive. YOU NEVER go down that dangerous path of of of sleep, of alienation, OF YOU'RE DETACHED FROM ME. I'M DETACHED FROM YOU. OUR MEALS ARE SEPARATE FOREVER. Have a good day. If you're READY TO WAKE UP, COME BACK AND I'LL think about it. No, it's a kabura. You stay at the table alive, alert, awake because there'll be moments that person is going to peek in and see what's happening. And if there's WHO ARE THERE WELCOMING HIM OR HER BACK, they'll jump right back in cuz they never really left because there was a kabura that was always present. And we're all connected in that group. We're all part of that oneness. Nobody is ever outside of that call. Nobody was excluded from that. But the ones who have the privilege and God gave them the gift to stay up, they have to realize the preciousness of their mission. And it's expressed even in very practical ways emotionally, psychologically, and behavior. Sometimes a teenager or a young adult, a young man, a young woman, they're going through their phases. Some of those phases are difficult. There's a lot of attitude, grouchiness, negativity, sometimes what seems like to be very rude and obnoxious, often a lot of trauma and brokenness. And your teenage daughter or someone else comes into the kitchen 1:00 in the morning, as I always say, opens the refrigerator, says, "There's nothing to eat in this house. You just went to Costco and you have food there to feed an army for three and a half years. The refrigerator is stuffed to the point that people can be nourished here until afterm. But not for your family, not for your daughter. There's nothing to eat. There's a natural inclination. You're detaching from me. I want to detach from you. You're giving me a negative attitude. I want to give you a negative attitude. Go to another house. Don't be so ungrateful. I become defensive. In other words, you lure me in to that path where I also decompose. I also disintegrate. What do you have to do at that moment? Don't fall asleep. What's the difference between people who are awake, people who are asleep? When I'm sleeping, my head, my heart, and my legs are on the same level. You understand? My prefrontal cortex, my limbic brain, my amygdala, AND MY FEET ARE ALL ON THE SAME LEVEL. I can't function with my higher brain. My executive functioning is asleep. I'm asleep. All I can do is survive. That's what we do. WHICH IS IMPORTANT TO SLEEP. It's important. The amygdala has to recharge. The body has to recharge. But you can't expect a person who's asleep to process and bring into the conversation their executive functioning, their prefrontal loes, long-term vision, deep connections, DEEP VISION. I CAN'T. I function based on impulse. Impulse. And if I lose it, I blow up. Don't fall asleep. You stay awake. NOT just for your sake. For their sake and for your sake. for you that relationship remains intact. I'm not going to lose it. I may want to lose it. I may have to take a deep breath. I may need to do a little voing, A LITTLE SEMATIC, WHATEVER. I NEED TO CALM MY NERVOUS SYSTEM. I GOT TO WAKE UP MYSELF. But the worst thing I can do is I go into that resentful angry place and cut the cord and say, "You're not part of this kabura." What I want to I want to always bring my best, my noblest, my deepest connected identity into the relationship. You may come down every night and tell me a comment that is very, very unbeing and I could scream about their but at this point you're so broken it's become meaningless. You'll just feel alienated from me. But what I want to do is when you walk into that kitchen, I want to smile, look you in your eyes, and tell you how happy I am that you're here. Yes, I know there's nothing to eat. Come, let's go get sushi. I don't know why you do that at 1:00 in the morning, but maybe a little earlier. Maybe a milkshake. Let's make something good. Nachos. Nachos. Did I pronounce that correctly? Okay. It's not what you make. The point is you're present. You know what? The person may not respond in kind. I'm not happy to be here. Smile. I'm here. I'm awake. I'm here. Because you know what happens after a few weeks? That smile, that love, it takes root. Like a seed, it takes root. It takes root in the heart. attachment. Everybody needs attachment. There's not a person who was created that does not need attachment. And there's a reason for it because we are attached. I need attachment because I that's who I am. And those who say they don't need attachment is only because they can't trust their attachment because they've been hurt. So I say I don't need it. I don't need you. I don't want you. I hate you. I wish you were dead. Which only means I desperately need you. I desperately need you. But if I'm asleep, I can't hear that. If I'm asleep, I become very judgmental because I'm triggered because I'm not in my higher space. My vagus nerve is is blocked. It's it's plugged. I can't access it. So instead of connecting, I become defensive. I need to protect myself. In other words, I'm falling asleep together with you. What's my job at that moment? Stay awake. To stay awake requires work, especially if IT'S LATE AT NIGHT LIKE THE SEDER, it requires work. You need to learn how to honor your emotions, all of your emotions. But then say, "And now I'm going to choose to stay awake." And stay awake means stay connected, stay alert, stay loving, stay focused. My job is to make sure THAT WHEN YOU OPEN YOUR EYES, YOU'RE GOING TO know that this was always your place. This was always your meal. This was ALWAYS YOUR HOME. THIS WAS ALWAYS YOUR SEDER. And you'll be able to jump right in and you won't even remember. You're like, "Really?" Sometimes what happens is you start reminding people what they did 10 years ago. No, no, no. Not me. Erase the video. It's fine. certain videos you can erase because when they did it they were asleep and people don't remember what they do when they're asleep and sometimes people sleep for many many years we know that right Levvenstein was the mash of Panovich so he used to you know he like to joke he used to like sometimes give the bakim you know some comment so he once tells the boys you have to know the lit yes he says he says you guys stay up a A whole night of you dive in. You dive in at sunrise and then you sleep TILL sometimes they sleep till. The point is sometimes people check out at a certain age and they may sleep for many years and when you sleep you don't remember what you do. You're not you're not you're not you're not fully there and you may have not chosen to fall asleep. You may have been thrown into a slumber. You know what? Everyone is on their journey. But the most important role of a Jew is you stay awake. YOU KEEP THAT TABLE WARM, LOVING, ALIVE, VIBRANT, ENTHUSIASTIC, ELEVATED, INSPIRED, EMPOWERED. So when somebody emerges from the slumber, they jump right back in to their own seder that was never really interrupted. And together we can then hold hands and declare. Have a wonderful week. I remember you can go to the tape. You can hear the whole what I want to hear. It's not only technically it represents the the we're not just talking about a technical. We're talking about the that during the journey Jews fall asleep and the pes has to be a continuum. from the beginning of history throughout. But they fell asleep. But that's only if you see them. But since it's and everybody's sleep is not that significant because when they wake up, they're right back in it. They're all continuing their own story, not the new story. So they're all part of it. They're all ready for the end of the sedar. because the are waiting are there for them with open doors with open arms. So his vintage his whole approach on instead of instead of seeing Jews as alien and and indifferent and apathetic keep the doors open keep the hearts open and then they'll see my not my type you're not my this you keep the heart and the door open and then you allow them to be able to find their own their own they're part of it it's I don't have to give it to them. I just have to let them realize that their carbon pes their sudas pes never never was never really interrupted. It was just a little heapsick but it's not a real heapsically. It's not a real heaps. It's not a real interruption because I'm part of them and they're part of me and part of us were always present. So they're also always present. When you have family that's always waiting for you and awake so a part of you is always present. That's the beauty of it. Since I'm part of the kabura, so even if I'm asleep, but you're part of me, I'm part of you. We're part of each other. So your presence is my presence even though I don't know it because I'm sleeping. But the part of me that's always connected to you knows that it's present. So yeah, very good. that is part of the was always a Jew who was awake. So is not just Hashem the Jew was awake or so as long as so then no will be lost. living in my house. You understand? In many ways, it captures, you know, the power of Jewish history that throughout all the wars and and difficulties and even in the worst moments, you know, holocausts and the Bolev Bolevik darkness and, you know, huge millions of Jews were plunged into spiritual darkness. But they kept they maintained the fire. They didn't go away. They didn't leave the seder. They maintained it even when everything seemed like it's falling apart. They held on to it. So what happens a generation later? A whole trouva movement. Everybody has where to come back to understand there. So all it's the same thing. That was the Reb's voice. Don't stop looking at it as two separate communities. There's the religious jury and the secular jury. No, IT'S A WE'RE AT ONE TABLE. But yeah. Yeah. So keep keep the door and heart open. Keep the cheer warm. Tell them it's your cheer. And then everybody comes back at some point but they have where to come back too cuz you feel the itself helps them come back 1990. 30 years more than 30 years. 33 years. 33 years ago. Okay. I was 17 years old. Okay. So, here it says we're getting younger. It's fine. We don't have to be embarrassed. Amen. Amen. I'm