Tomer Devorah (Rabbi Guy Matalon) (Jewish Understanding) (Series Part 12)

So in the majga of Keter which we discussed yesterday we have to give attention to our ears. Our ears should always want to hear good things. That nothing false or nothing ugly should enter our ears. Because in the madrega of in the world superernal realm, nothing bad is allowed to enter. Only good. Only good. So when you hear people say things that are negative, you have to block it out. One of the rules of is that if somebody says, you're not allowed to believe it. I don't have to believe it. People come and say, "Oh, this person is like I don't believe it. Don't let it in. Try to always hear the good." There is a deep in that comes from Balento that Balmto says that when you hear something it is meant for you because if you're in situation that let's say you're in public and you hear two people speaking and it means that you're supposed to hear this. You're supposed to get something out of this. So always when you're hearing things you have to make sure that you exclude anything that is ugly, anything that is you should only listen to good things, things that are bring you benefit, things that bring you anger like the news. Don't listen to that. There's nothing positive in the news. Well, Rabbi, don't you need to know what's happening in the world? For what? For what? You want to know about the accord between the Armenians and the Azer? Who cares? Who cares? Now, especially for Schlumbai, you see in my house, things are very, very simple. My wife and I made a deal that I'm in charge of the big things and she's in charge of all the little things. So, what we do with our money, she decides. Where we go, she decides. We're going on vacation, she decides. If we buy furniture or not, or a car, she decides. I'm in charge of big things like who should be the pope and who should head the UN, what to do with the Iranian nuclear. I'm interested. I'm in the big stuff. So maybe that's the head to listen to news, but otherwise okay. Yes. Yes. Sorry. Um people at home going why is he yelling? Are you allowed to believe? Am I allowed to believe? Are you allowed to believe in a situation where it could be for your safety? Well, of well, it's not a question of you could let's say somebody says, "Hey, you know, is doing things that are inappropriate with I don't go for children, children." Okay. So, for that, for that it is to that's called benefit and it's worth investigating. You don't necessarily take it as a given but probably rabbis and what whoever is in charge of that in community needs to look on those things and and make sure that everything's on the up and take precaution. Absolutely. Absolutely. For example, we we've had situations where you had somebody in the dorms that had sticky hands. No, not molesting people. Stealing. Wow. Whoa. I don't know what that is. I hate everyone molest stealing. Sorry. So for that you definitely have to sort of you know warn people like listen we have this there's a suspicion so keep your eyes open lock your stuff you know you have to it's a responsibility of course let alone if a guy is touching [Laughter] Rabbi, what steps can one take? Okay. Well, that's it depends on what opinion and for what purpose. So let's say let's say somebody calls me and says, "Hey, do you have this guy named Nick in your program?" Yes. What can you tell me about him? So I always say, "Well, why do you want to know? I want to understand." Ah, well, I'm not saying anything. What'sim, right? I have I have somebody who you know is interested in him and a girl and yada yada yada. So she's interested. Okay. Then definitely don't say anything. Then you you can say yeah he's like this he's like that. What can be honest about the person's fault in that situation? again again if it's forim's purposes it's and it's not [Music] considered but you also let's say you had a runin with a guy okay let's say who you let's say you were a roommate with I don't know somebody you would run have a run in with with Mike let's just say and they call you and say oh you're his roommate so tell me you know what's his like what's he like and you're like right so you have to that you know maybe really otherw everybody gets along with him it's just you so maybe you're really the problem and therefore you'd have to say look you know I don't really get along with him but everybody else does seems to be like but you know he and I are not compadres so But we're not doing what can you say for my number one rule is that I'm going to go to Shabim and I don't want them to bring up something like hey you didn't tell them the truth about the situation and look what happened. So you are honest you you know and that's it. You can't ruin it's all from Shaman anyway. So you're honest, but you have to be honest that you're not like closing getting a vendetta against a guy because you know he cut in front of you in line. But if that's his personality and is a guy that doesn't really have good manners and that you should because it's for this is you know this girl needs to know. Like let's say you have somebody with bad hygiene. They don't shower every day. That might bother her. Or, you know, if she's cheap, she's like, "Oh, [Applause] great." He only changes clothes when the, you know, the socks stick to his feet. Then he has to he's got to change the sock. Otherwise, six, seven weeks, no [Laughter] problem. He's an amazing guy. You'd love him. I just never saw him do laundry. But you know, don't listen to anything that cause you anger. Nothing. And so try to keep yourself in a positive good environment where you hear good things. When you hear good messages, positive messages, we are influenced by what we hear around us. If you are in an environment that people curse, it's going to affect you. You're also going to drop an Fbomb over here and an Fbomb over there. Even though you don't really mean it, but it's just that's how we talk, Rabbi. No, that's not how we talk. And there is a sense there is an aspect which I understand there is this need to look cool to fit in to be that guy. Okay. I get it. But you have to you have to withstand that peer pressure that you Yeah. Okay. So they don't think you're the cool guy who curses, who gets tattoos, and you know, wears Yarmaka like this. Okay, so you're not that guy. You're more the straight laced, you know, serious guy that came to you Shiva for the right purpose, for the right reason. Okay, so they think of you that you're square. So what in shamime they think you're cool in sham they look at you as a person who has been able to rise above peer pressure and we have different ages here I see some people in this you know in the in the hallways and shiva that speak as if they're part of a particular culture Hey man, what's up? Okay, if that's who you are, but none of us that's not Jewish culture. It's if you're going to imitate a particular culture, you have to think of what are the values of that culture. And if you come to Yeshiva, you're coming to explore what Jewish identity and what does it mean to be a Jew. So part of it is seeing how do Jews behave. You've seen the rabbis interact with one another. What's up, Rabbi? Right. And you know what the I'm going to say something that's very controversial. I'm looking at you because I know it's not going to be affected. You're not going to be affected. But if I look at some other people, I'm going to get letters. They're going to come line out of line up outside my office wanting to talk about this. There are some people in order to fit in don't behave their age. That's it. If you are in your you know 26 27 28 it's come on enough is enough. Enough is enough. You have a huge opportunity. You don't have too much time. you're not 20 that you can sort of waste time. You have to be focused, zero in on the opportunity, push yourself because you got things that you need to do. You don't want to enter Shidim in your mid30s. How old are you? 19. Yeah. 90s. Got his Yeah. comes for two and a half weeks. Whatever he gets, gets fine. Great, right? You're gonna leave your toothbrush behind for people. No, I don't think anyone wants it. You'd be surprised. Put it on the Hecker uh ledge. Anything on that ledge is gone in a matter of seconds. [Laughter] There is a tradition that in uh I just got an email that the location for the Lagba event has changed and I'm thinking Lagba event was last week. Why are you The point is gentlemen be positive. Be around positive people. Provide positive messages. Hear positive messages. And that will you will emulate the mid of as that we're discussing right now. Your eyes try not to see anything that is ugly. That doesn't mean don't look at ugly people. was like, "Ah, it means that there are things that you shouldn't look at." We're not talking about things that are immodest. I'm not talking about that. That's for sure. We don't need to discuss this. But keep your eyes out to see people who need your help. Look at things that you can repair and make better in this world. Don't shut your eyes if you are able to help. If you see a friend is having a bad day, needs to talk, don't shut your eyes. Give him the opportunity. Sit with him, listen to him. Even when if it's silly, sometimes the people that have, you know, what bothers them is silly. I can give you examples from today of what I had to hear. Grandma, tell us tell us. And sometimes sometimes it's even a greater mitzvah to listen than to learn Torah. And I'll give you the example. Yesterday I got on the bus. It's not It wasn't It was very strange. I was waiting for the train when I was done giving a talk up in uh in [Music] um Hebrew University. So I was waiting for the train and it's not coming. It's not coming. And I'm looking at like Hashem, I need to catch the 9:00 bus. I need to catch the 9:00 bus. So finally the train comes. I get on the train and I'm worried that because it told me it's going to take the train 32 minutes. Okay, we were there again 20 minutes in Kazid. I get off at Kazid. I run and I realize that the 9:00 bus is the wrong bus that I really need the 8:30 bus. But now it's 9:44. So, I have to take the wrong bus at nine o'clock, which means I just have longer to walk to get home and it makes it tight for my but I I look at the door, you know, where the bus when you go to Kaz, you know, they you stand by, they open a door and then there's a bus. I'm looking at the door and there's people there. They shouldn't be there. So, I walk around and I see a friend of mine and I said, "What's going on?" says, "Well, the 8:30 bus left with all of us on it, but then something happened to the bus and he drove back, dropped us off, and he went to switch buses." So, I'm like, "This is unbelievable." You hooked me up. Yo, yo, you right. So good. The bus, he comes. I get on the bus and I sit by my friend because it looked like the bus was going to be full. So I didn't want to have issues later. So I just sat next to him and he knows that I learn on the bus. So I asked him, I said, "I have an idea for you for a project." And he says, 'Well, I'm in a different I have a another project that I'm on. And I said, 'Well, what is it? He says, 'My father's in the hospital. And I know his father. His father is a very important figure in the world of kashras that when people in Israel have Shilas, he's one of the main authorities that people turn to. And he's been in the hospital for two weeks. He's got lots of ups and downs and and so the whole ride he's telling me about asking him I'm asking about his father and what he's doing they're doing this they're doing that and I realized that he needed somebody to talk to and it was more important than my learning that right now I have an opportunity to do to give an opportunity for someone to unload, to talk about what he's he's worried about, what he's not worried about, of what this and what that and all the sort of the details that you know didn't have anybody to talk to at that time because he's coming back from the hospital. So sometimes you have to keep your eyes open that you see situations where you can actually make a difference and you have to is my learning more important right now than to listen to help. So your eyes are always to look and see what around you you can fix, what around you you can make better. Can you help your fellow Jew? Right? You have a roommate you see is having a hard time. Help him. Tell him, "Hey, let's go have a beer. You want to talk? Let's sit for a cup of coffee. Help each other. Look within with a good eye of what you can do to make this better. Which means and then stay away from anything negative. You see things that are negative, just get away from it. You walk into a room and you see things that you don't need to see, then you just go away. It's very important. to maintain the purity of our vision and to use our vision for what Hashem has intended it for. Your nose, your nose is symbolic of anger. person should not get angry. You should have which means patience. Have patience for even for people who don't deserve it. We all sometimes are annoying. We all are. It's human nature. If you call your parents and ask them, "Was I ever annoying annoying?" They'll, "Oh my god." They will give you a list. They will even tell you, "Why do you think we sent you to Israel for two and a half weeks? We just want peace and quiet. work on mid of having patience. We'll stop here and we do