Rav Yehuda Wagshal - The Struggling Yeshiva Bachur; Identifying the Roots

Okay, the topic of today's session is discussing the roots of the challenges that and the struggles that a Yeshiva bochur faces in today's generation. And the truth is we could really break down the the different types of struggles into two parts. And I'll start maybe with the words that I heard one time the Shamash Rebbe Zatzal that he was speaking about aveiros that people do. Unfortunately, people are nishal sometimes in aveiros. And the Shamash Rebbe Zatzal said that there are certain aveiros that if a person was over, so he has to be mispallel. He has to daven to Hakadosh Baruch Hu slach lani, slach lanu, forgive me for this aveira. But the Shamash Rebbe said that there are certain aveiros that a person has to be mispallel not slach lanu, rather a person has to daven refaeinu. Because sometimes a person doesn't have aveira cuz he has yetzer hara and he was nishal an aveira. And sometimes a person doesn't have aveira because there's something sick, there's something in his neshama, in his nefesh that needs a refua. So for those type of aveiros you have to daven refaeinu. I would say we could similarly break down, if we discuss the different struggles of a Yeshiva bochur, and I'm talking about Yeshiva bochurim, it's very possible, that's what I deal with, but it's very possible similar things with girls also. But if we break down the struggles of a Yeshiva bochur, we could also break it down into two parts. There are certain struggles which we could call standard regular struggles that a Yeshiva bochur faces specifically in our generation. And we have to look for the proper tools and strategies and methods to be machazik and try to help, try to help him help himself face and cope with the struggles that he's dealing with. And there's another category in the struggles which is a category of refaeinu. There are certain things that rachmana litzlan bochrim, people face, certain challenge in the struggles is due to a a choli, a certain sickness, a choli nefesh, something sick in the neshama, in his nefesh that really needs a refua. The real main topic of course of this Shabbos is of the second part. Are the struggles that deal with more refaeinu? The struggles and the challenges that go that a lot of children, a lot of people are going through which is coming, the roots of it is a is they need a refua, is refaeinu. That's the real main topic of course of this Shabbos, but it was decided to discuss also, at least in the beginning, some of the regular struggles that are not necessarily the makor, the root of them is not a choli, the root is not something that needs a refua. The regular standard struggles that a Yeshiva bochur goes through. And maybe sometimes by understanding and giving them the keilim, the tools how to deal with it, how to face these struggles and these challenges, that could avoid and prevent it from leading to the type of struggles and challenges that are refaeinu, that they really need a refua. So that's what we're going to talk about, the standard, not the refaeinu, the very deep refaeinu type struggles and challenges, rather we'll call the more standard struggles and challenges that a Yeshiva bochur might face. It's well known that every generation is faced with unique nisyonos, unique challenges, unique yetzer haras that in a different generation it might not be an issue at all. For for example, in the early 1900s in America, so there was a very big nisayon of shmiras Shabbos. If a person had a job and he wouldn't show up on Shabbos, that's it, Sunday he has to look for a new job again. And it was a real nisayon, either a job or parnassa, food on my table, or Shabbos. And it was a real nisayon for people, and it was a real problem. That was the nisyonos of the early 1900s in a in America, in New York. That's not the derech klal, the nisayon in our generation. In in Europe, pre-war Europe, there was a great nisayon, a great yetzer hara in Yeshivas of haskala. There was a real a real danger that a bochur, especially the smart intellectual bochrim, could be chopped up and from the reform movement, from haskala. That was the nisayon then, amongst other nisyonos. That's not the nisayon or the yetzer hara of our generation, that's not what we're dealing with. But every generation has its unique nisyonos, its unique challenges. What's the nisayon for a child growing up in our generation? What's the nisayon for um a Yeshiva bochur in our generation? What's the unique yetzer hara and nisayon? So of course the first thing that would come to everybody's mind, what's the unique nisayon, what's the unique yetzer hara in our generation, is inyanim of kedusha. Our children, there's so much exposure to so many inappropriate things. It's exposure whether just walking down the street. It's exposure in all different forms of technology, what they're able to see, what they have access to, what's available. And that's kedusha. That's a tremendous yetzer hara and a tremendous issue of our generation. The hallmark, a great hallmark of klal Yisrael was always the kedusha. And those walls of kedusha are crumbling in front of our eyes. And that's for sure a tremendous nisayon and a tremendous yetzer hara that our youth, and not only our youth, everyone is dealing with and struggling with. But if Hakadosh Baruch Hu gave that as the nisayon of our dor, this nisayon of the dor before Mashiach, it's called ikvesa d'Mashiacha, Rabbeinu the Gedolei Yisrael already revealed years ago that we're living in ikvesa d'Mashiacha. If Hakadosh Baruch Hu gave such a a strong nisayon, such a difficulty, such a yetzer hara that so many people are struggling with and dealing with, and it's and it's staring and bothering so many people, there has to be a way, has to be some tools how to deal with it. What are What are those tools? And we all know saying no, forbidding it, and not allowing it, that doesn't work in the generation that we're living in. So what are the two What are we supposed to do? May yaaseh haben v'lo yechta, like it says in the Gemara. What are we supposed to do facing the tremendous amount of availability of and and and and and and and and of all the pirutza in the walls of kedusha that we're facing, that klal Yisrael is facing? What What could be What could be the tools to deal with this? So I want to say a few ideas that I noticed from my experience dealing with bochrim, and I think it's a very very important thing. There's this interesting thing, I'll start like this. There's a very interesting thing. I I saw once in in one of the sforim that brought down divrei Torah of the Vilna Gaon that he also, even though he lived over 200 years ago, but he also spoke about that in the last dor before Mashiach comes, there'll be specific yetzer hara, like every generation has, and there'll be a yetzer hara of the last dor before Mashiach comes, the dor of ikvesa d'Mashiacha. And and what did the groh say? What did the Vilna Gaon say? What is that yetzer hara? You'll be surprised. He didn't say kedusha. He didn't say technology. He didn't say seeing and being involved in inappropriate things. He said something else. The groh said that the main nisayon and yetzer hara of the generation before Mashiach comes is the yetzer hara of divrei beteilim. Divrei beteilim, in one place he also says together with lashon hara. Divrei beteilim means divrei beteilim, just being involved in nothingness. Instead of learning bittul Torah, not learning which is important, significant things, being involved in nothingness, divrei beteilim. And also he says in one place says lashon hara. Now, divrei beteilim, bittul Torah is a very important thing. Lashon hara of course is a terrible thing. But how could the groh if he's speaking about the nisyonos, the challenges of the last dor before Mashiach, how could he leave out the most obvious thing that all people are dealing with right here in front of our eyes, the inyanim of kedusha? How could the groh leave that out? So I want to explain something very deep. The Gemara says that I'm going to talk about lashon hara for a second. The Gemara says that lashon hara is a unique aveira. It's different than other aveiras. Normal aveiras that a person does, it's because he has hana'ah from it. He enjoys it. Whatever it might be, all aveiras involve some type of enjoyment. The Gemara says on lashon hara, there's no enjoyment. Ma hana'ah l'ba'al halashon? What hana'ah does the ba'al halashon have? There's no hana'ah. The Gemara compares it just like the nachash, the snake, has no hana'ah from its food, it eats offer, it eats dirt, so also ma hana'ah l'ba'al halashon? He has no hana'ah. There's no enjoyment from saying lashon hara. So if there's no enjoyment, so why do people say lashon hara? What's the big thing? And lashon hara is major problem, especially in the generation that we're living with, especially with all of the social media lashon hara has has taken a turn for the worse over the last 10 years. Why do people say lashon hara? Sometimes people do feel good about the lashon hara that they say. But the Gemara says there's no unknown in lashon hara. People don't enjoy it. The answer is as follows. And here here's the point. How could the created every single person with a need? He has an emotional need, but so you're nafshi, a need to feel good about himself, to feel successful. A person has a need, a thirst to feel good about himself, to feel successful, to feel matzliach. And it's very good that Hashem gave that to us because that's what really motivates us to to to succeed. That motivates us to do something. We don't want to feel a failure. We don't want to feel a loser. We want to feel matzliach. We want to feel successful. So we all have that need, a thirst. A person is created by nature that he has a thirst. I want to feel good. I want to feel good. I want to feel successful. Let's say you have a person that for whatever reason, he doesn't feel it. He doesn't feel any success in what he's doing. He doesn't feel hatzlacha. He doesn't feel good about what he's doing. So he has this thirst. He has this need. I must feel successful. And it's not coming to any fulfillment. He's not filling it up. So what does he do? Such a person is in danger of turning to lashon hara. Why? Lashon hara is a artificial way of feeling good about yourself. I have nothing I couldn't find anything that I'm doing to feel good about. So I'll look around by everybody else. I'll see his problem. I'll see his problem. I'll see his problem. I'll see her problem. I'll emphasize it in my mind. Not only that, I'll talk about it to other people. And I'll see their problem as if ki lo I don't have it. And by that to fill that need of feeling okay about yourself. That's the danger of lashon hara. An empty person needs to say lashon hara. Someone who's full and he feels good about himself, he feels great. He has no need not only to speak the words of lashon hara. He has no need to see everyone else's problems. Why do I see all these other problems in everybody else? And then more than that, the need to share it with other people also. What Why is that? That's because one who's empty inside needs to find this artificial way of filling himself up also. That's what the grow That's what the film the going really meant maybe in the depth that the hara of our generation is the he brought in one of the things he brought in was lashon hara. It's not just the saying of lashon hara. That's terrible. But the hara of our generation and the of our generation is the feeling of detachment, the feeling of emptiness, the lack of fulfillment that we get from our Yiddishkeit. There could be many many people that are doing the motions very well. They could be davening. They could be learning. I'm talking about those that are in Yeshiva davening and learning, but they're disconnected. They're not feeling it. They're doing the externally they're doing the motions, but the is is running on empty. And when the is running on empty, we're in a problem because they're going to search and look for something else to fill that need, that need of feeling okay about themselves. And that sometimes could be lashon hara. Together with that is also what the grow called batelim. The batelim and especially the that we were speaking about before of of kedusha, of taiva, of inappropriate things that that's a major problem in the generation. It's not a hara only of taiva. It's not just the of taiva. Taiva and I have to go do that. That's not just what it is. It's something much deeper. Somebody who feels unaccomplished inside of himself, he feels empty. He's running on empty inside of himself. He's going to search to try to fill himself up on something. For one person it might be by knocking everyone else so I feel like something. And by other people it will turn to other artificial things of filling themselves up and making them feel good. And that's the inappropriate things that they might turn to. The main the main the main struggle I wouldn't identify as a struggle of taiva. That's maybe what brings them there, but that's not the main thing. The main thing is the running on empty. If you would have a person that felt close to what he's doing, he felt accomplished from what he's doing, he felt full from what he's doing, he already has the tools that are necessary to withstand the tremendous that's around him. Someone who's running on empty and he's offered something right in front of his face with a click of a button with just walking down the street, something that could give him that momentary artificial feeling of good, so my answer have been below what can he do? But if we're able to instill in ourselves and in our children a feeling of accomplishment, they're full and they're accomplished and they're and they're satisfied with themselves, it's still not easy. There's still things going on around them. But they already have the tools. They have the to be to deal with it. They have the They're full. They don't have that thirst of just filling themselves up on nothing. Whether it's batelim, the problem of all the taiva around us is a batelim problem. Filling yourself up on nothing instead of being full on what a person really needs to be full of his Yiddishkeit, his Torah and his mitzvahs, his davening that really has the potential of filling us up and giving us the the the ability to fight against this and stand up to this and this hara. That's the the of our generation. So if you want to identify and I'm going to speak about it more, the roots of of of what our what our children and sometimes us also are struggling with is the feeling of connection, the feeling of So many people are doing the acts, doing the motion, but they're lacking the They have the without the They have the They're disconnected from what they're doing. And because of that, they have no tools to deal with everything that's going on. So what's unique about this generation I think is this disconnect. And I see it so many times by You could have a I'm talking about who are doing the right thing. They're learning. They're davening. And they're doing the right thing. They want to do the right thing. But they're they're they're they're disconnected very often. There's an interesting thing. I remember when I was a in Yeshiva um 30 35 years ago, so there were there were different kinds of people. There were some that were really great They learned good. They davened properly. They did good things. And they That's all they did. They wouldn't be caught ever going to a movie and things like that. And you had the boys who weren't so good. And they would go They would go do things that are inappropriate. There was two classes. And there's something that I've seen over the years, not just me. You could have a who sits that sits and learns three star in a day. Three star in a day he learns. And he's serious about his learning. And he learns well. And he even comes to davening. But after all of those three star in a day, he'll go back to wherever he is and he'll do things that are inappropriate. The same that's doing the good things are doing those things that are inappropriate afterwards. As far as I know when I was younger, that was not so common. The ones who were doing and I mean everyone always had things that they had to deal with, but that that would be my That's the way of my life. I learned three star in a day and I do what I want at night or or other times. I do I do what I want then also. And the thing two things could coexist. That wasn't so common a while ago. What changed? I think And also more than that, the says and it speaks about it in a lot of forum that there's a very important side which is called the is the is the is The says that usually who are the people that keep the Torah and keep the mitzvahs with with with smack, with enjoyment, are the people who have inside of them a very strong desire and a fire in their heart towards Torah and mitzvahs. Those are the people that are doing it. And the fire inside his heart will cause him to do the davening and the learning and the mitzvahs with and enjoy it. But the says it could go the opposite way also. If a person in his heart is not ignited, his heart is dull, his heart is not so into it. If he would do the is is, he would do the outward outside actions with with smack, with fire, that will also ignite the fire in his heart. The is is the says speaks about it a lot of times. So how could it be? How can you have a that's learning three star in a day? And this is unfortunately common. Not Not everybody, of course. There's wonderful that are through and through. But there is a common thing of a person who could be doing the right thing. He's doing the right thing. So why isn't it his Why doesn't it ignite the fire in his heart and help him not be help him be in the when it comes to the night when it comes to the night? The answer is because it's true. It's his own business. That's if there is a business. If there's a business, if there's a connected business towards what you're doing, but it's not on fire, then what you do will ignite it, that spark, and put it on fire. But if there is no spark, if everything I'm doing is business, if all I'm doing is business, all I'm doing is just because that's what you do, that's what you got to do. Otherwise, I'll be in trouble. Otherwise, my will be angry. Otherwise, my parents will be angry. I'm just doing cuz that's what I have to do. And I have no spark of business, so the business has nothing to do. A person's business could be business if he has the connection, he has the base connection. Then it's business, then it puts it on fire. It'll take the spark and ignite it on fire. But a lot of people now are even missing that spark, and it's all business. That's what it is. I've spoken this about in public to in Yeshiva many times, and they're all just nodding their head. The a lot of times feel, even though they're doing the right thing, but there are a lot of people that feel the lack of business, the lack of that spark of the business. So what do we do? If that's identifying the issue, the disconnect, the emptiness, the not fulfillment in what we're doing, so what's the answer? What's the answer? How do How do we deal with that? I want to say over a very very interesting thing that I saw brought down the same I'm going to say something later. I'm going to say something is a is a great great grandson of the guy. And he spoke out a couple of things that he has about a story, a famous story that happened with the guy. The guy and his time that he was learning. The guy was learning as as is well known. He is the father of the Yeshiva system that we have now in the world. The Yeshiva system was based on what the guy was learning set up. And before he decided to open his first Yeshiva in Volozhin, he went to his the guy and he asked him permission. Could I open Yeshiva? He wanted to open Yeshiva with a dormitory and and a Yeshiva like we know it today. And the guy refused. And he said, "No, you can't open a Yeshiva. It's not the way to do it." And then the guy left. He didn't open the Yeshiva. He came back a year later and he again asked the guy. And the way it goes is the guy cried. By the conversation with the guy he cried. And then he agreed and the guy opened his Yeshiva, Yeshiva Volozhin. What happened over there? One year he said no, came back, he cried, and then he agreed. What happened? So there's different versions. The guy said that he has a couple of things in his family that would happen with like this. Before the guy opened his Yeshiva in Volozhin, so how was the town? There was no Yeshivas There was some maybe, but the system wasn't like it was. What was it now? It was in every city, in every town in Europe, there was a And the men were very very big men. And if there would be a child, wherever he lived, that was capable to be a man and to become great in his learning, they would send his parents would send them to learn by that man. Learn by that man Yeshiva. Where would the children stay? Where would the stay? In the house of the man. And he would they would eat by the meals of that man. And they would live with him as part of the family, and the way they would also spend the day learning with him also. And that's the way the was passed on from to man. It wasn't an institution of the Yeshiva. It was in the framework of the family living together with the eating with the living with the like the children, like the children, and through that he gave over the man. The guy said, "If you're opening the Yeshiva, you're institutionalizing the Torah. The Torah can't be given over that way. The Torah has to be given over that the relationship between a man and a man is like the relationship of a father and a son. The man said that the man said that the man said that the man are also called men. If you stick the men into institution called the Yeshiva and you give and you teach them Torah, where's the man? You're teaching them Torah, where's the man? The Torah of the Torah has to be the man and the man. And that's the way it was then. The man came and he lived with the man. He was part of the man's life. The man was totally part of his life all the time, and that's the way he grew and he grew in Torah. And the guy wasn't asking him to open Yeshiva that way, and he sent him away. The guy came back a year later. Now what happened? This is what the man said. The guy told him that true, what the man said is true, but there's a danger if we're not going to take action now, it's not happening. What the man saw as the ideal way of the Torah is not happening. And and less people are sending men to learn by the men, and there's a danger that the Torah will be forgotten, and this is what has to be done. Yeshiva has to be opened. When the guy heard that, he cried. That's what he was crying about. He was crying about this change that's about to take place. Instead of the Torah being given over in that framework as the man and the man, it's going to become more institutionalized. And from that he cried, but no choice. It's the same Torah. And he agreed that he should open the Yeshiva Volozhin. That's what the man said. He spoke out his Torah, his on what happened with the man. If true, Yeshivas now are more institutionalized. It's not the man living by the man. But when a man is living by man like his son, so then the man is not just learning someone else's Torah. I'll say one more Torah first. It says in the Torah that the man said that the man said that the man said that the man said that the man The man said first that the man said that a person should want to learn Torah of the man. The man said that the man said that the man The man said that the man said that the man said that the man said first starts learning, he's learning Torah of the man. The man said when he invests time and effort into it and toil, it becomes his own Torah. It becomes his own Torah. It sounds like the man is telling us there's something lacking in Torah of the man. It's not good enough to learn Torah of the man. You have to learn your Torah. What's wrong with Torah of the man? What could be greater than the Torah of the man? I'm learning Torah of the man. Why does it have to be my Torah? The answer is because if it's Torah of the man, it's not you. In order for a person to connect and have the Torah fill his business, fill himself of success, fill himself with feeling accomplished for himself, the person has to be Torah of the man. A person feels success from his own things. He doesn't feel the success from other people's things. If all he's learning is Torah of the man, it's a beautiful thing, but it's not mine. What does it have to do with me? I'm doing a I'm getting very nice, but it's not going to fill my need, my thirst of filling myself with my own success. And that's why it has to be Torah of the man and the man. It has to be your Torah. It has to be your Torah. When before the institutionalization of Yeshivas, the Torah was Torah of the man. It was my life. I'm living with this man. I'm eating by his table. He's taking care of me like his children. And I'm learning with him. This is This is my man's life. This is my life. It's all about me. It's not just Torah of the man. It's me. And because of that, people were more successful. The guy cried that once the Yeshiva is institutionalized, like always, people discuss, "Is this good for the Yeshiva? Is it good for the Yeshiva?" It's not good for the Yeshiva. It damages the Yeshiva. It became an entity in and of itself called the Yeshiva. But the real the real focus has to be on the person. The man and the man. It has to be your Torah. It has to be your Torah. It has to be your Torah. It has to be your Torah. It has to be your Torah. It has to be your Torah. When it's yours, then you'll start feeling the business and the successfulness that a person has from his Torah and from his It's all the same thing. There's a beautiful thing that I saw brought down from the Torah. The Torah says that when the man wanted to bury his wife Sarah, so he decided to bury her in the cave. The Torah says, "Why did he choose the cave?" Because he saw a light coming out of the cave. He saw a light. And he realized this is a place that's really for he saw that light and the Zohar asked a very interesting question why didn't Ephraim see that light the Zohar says if Ephraim would have seen that light he never would have sold the why why didn't he see the light so the Zohar says because the even though physically Ephraim was there at that point but it was really a place that was destined for Adam Avinu it was Adam Avinu's place and the Zohar says the true beauty of something is only revealed to its owner Adam Avinu who was destined to own Avinu he saw something beautiful in he saw this light Ephraim was an outsider he couldn't see it it's the same thing if you learn Torah if you keep mitzvahs or if you're is Hashem or Yeshiva Torah Rebbi but it's not yours you'll never see the beauty and if you don't see the beauty it won't fill your inner it will always remain as something as something distant important but distant from me such a person has the danger of remaining empty and like we explained before an empty person looks for other things to fill himself up so the job what I feel of a Rebbi and a parent is even though yes now Yeshivas are institutionalized but a person has to find the way that the town but the child feels the Torah is Torah it's his Torah it's not just the Rebbi's Torah Hashem's Torah even the parents Torah it has to be Torah child's Torah and sometimes through the way that the learning the Gemara is learned in Yeshivas people connect to it and they get very involved sometimes you have a very very common problem that the what we'll call that's being taught in Yeshivas there is a percentage of that they can't connect to it that way that it's being taught that one does that depth doesn't talk to them properly sometimes it's because there's not enough personal attention to explain it properly and sometimes it doesn't just talk to them it doesn't talk to them manage like it talks to other people because of that they feel empty a Rebbi and if not the Rebbi the parent has the job of showing the town but this is something that is to you even if the the the whole depth that you're learning in Yeshiva is not exactly your style but you know the Gemara you know something that's that's tremendous show him that's also sometimes he feels like an outsider cuz he doesn't feel that he's connecting to what the Yeshiva is exactly offering we have the job as a Rebbi and parents if the Rebbi is not doing the job to help show the child how we can connect and make it like and it's not just with the learning it's with all different parts of whether it's whether young other mitzvahs it's our Torah it's the child's Torah and that's able to give him the feeling of fighting and dealing with all of the around him I want to mention another point that as parents we're we're all able to do what a a child sees in the home that he's growing up what is really really important to our family what's our family what's really really important to our family he knows yes parents they keep all the mitzvahs but what's really important sometimes you can have a family that we're planning vacation we're planning a trip and we're talking about it for weeks and months before and making all the plans all the money that's being spent on everything and plans are talking about it and it's great nothing is anything wrong with that but obviously if we're spending so much time talking about that that's important to our family if we would talk about things in that way also not just I bought the and I bought the in this place I went to bake it I went to watch the baking I went to observe it and and you see that you the children see that you invest time interest money talking about it this is important this is a major topic of our family I'm talking about even before the learning and I think I think you bought an whatever the gave I took it I didn't look at it and I use it if a person is involved in this where did you go to get I went to this place I didn't like it I put it to check it he said I can get more and it's a whole topic I spent extra money I was going to spend this amount I saw this beautiful one I decided to spend even more if that's the talk in the home so the child identifies himself this is important this is not just Torah Hashem I have to be in my mitzvah and I'll do it after my learning I'll go do it this is this is ours this is our project this is my father's project this is my mother's project this is ours this is our family's thing that's not just Hashem that's Torah that's Torah such a person is able to connect to this way in a way of in a way of depth a way of feeling himself up of feeling successful and good about himself so I think if if we want to identify the root of the tremendous that our youth and our adults are also faced with the tremendous the root of the issue is not just the root of the issue is disconnect is emptiness if a person will feel connected and full and satisfied and with what he's doing in his guide he right away has the tools of dealing with the tremendous that he's bombarded with all the time he has to feel that his own Torah and that is the job of a Rebbi in in lieu of the Rebbi a parent has to see to it whether it's in the learning itself whether it's in the itself in the whole picture of this is ours once it's ours it becomes part of the and that gives the tools to deal with the struggles and challenges of our day