When Isolation Equals Survival

the yeshiva.net [Music] so if you could just give a message to your to your wives or daughters or or women you're connected with relatives etc that the share for the women on tuesday is going to be in this room from now on at 9 30 a.m on tuesdays it used to be in the tent later and it was just a little difficult with the mignon i'm here there's no minion so it's going to be tuesday today also tuesday 9 30 a.m for women and girls everybody's invited you could share it with your spouses or daughters or etc and yeah it used to be in the morning but then with corona everything changed and then the mignon were in all the tents so it was pushed off later but it wasn't really beneficial because of the hour so we're going back to this hour i'm gonna do it here in this room so today is hey of it's just worthwhile to mention it's the yard set of diaries all right and it's the 450th yard sight that rizal passed away in the year hey of shin in the in on the day hey of shin lamid base shin lamid base would be 1572 in swas of course and so this tough shin pei bays is the 450th yard site of the arizona who was considered the greatest or from the greatest capitalists in jewish history and revolutionized the landscape of uh of yiddishkai through pneumonia satire through nist and of course much of siddhis is based on the teachings of darizal developing it accessing it applying it etc so today is that the art site okay so we are the fifth through holding the fifth class in khulsu and we're up to ifrs chapter chapter eight right yeah what page number is it aleph in your copies or in the safari so let me just summarize very briefly what we learned yesterday you could review this urem they're all available online but just to to summarize briefly there's two types of unity in the world there's two types of actus there's a unity that's more superficial more external and that's the unity that doesn't recognize differences in other words if somehow we can more or less be the same so then we're unified it's a certain type of unity right if everybody agrees if everybody has the same mindset if everybody is in cahoots unfortunately that can also be because people are in a cult if you're an occult so then of course there's unity or a dictatorship right stalinism my parents grew up in communist russia so i grew up i heard a lot about what went on over there so stalin he was a very boring speaker terrible boring but when he spoke to the to the poet bureau um so when he finished he had to applaud if he didn't applaud you can go to siberia for 25 years if you're lucky but who's going to stop applauding first if you were the first one to stop applauding your life was in danger because it could be an insult you don't respect them in this so there's even videos it's comical and sad they applaud and they don't stop like they don't stop basically and stalin loved it until he sat down and he told everybody to stop but nobody is gonna even if you're exhausted because these this clapping is is is because so obviously that's not actus that's just a dictatorship a cult somebody controls many people out of fear there was a roman roman emperor he says i would rather that they fear me than they love me right i think caligly i would rather they fear me than they love me we're not talking about that that's not unity it's just uh if you crush everybody and they don't exist fine so everybody's unified because there's tyranny you strike fear into their hearts now i know some of us are familiar with this concept and that's not the cloud called actos it's just you eliminate opposition so there's nobody else but even in a more subtle way even in a more refined way there's a more superficial unity where it's based on the fact that people are more or less the same the challenge of that is that the moment the differences come out the unity disintegrates like in a marriage as long as we agree about everything it's gevaldic the moment is a disagreement the moment is a rupture what happens can there be reconciliation can there be unity within the rupture in people as well can we tolerate diverse personalities with different mindsets different dispositions different characters different souls different opinions it's not like the diversity in creation is a mistake it's inherent to the fabric of the brie it's inherit we say every morning marabo the word rabbuh comes from the word tremendously diverse it's all ma and you see it also in today anybody who learns mishnayis or gamada as we often say every page is filled with disagreements it's very hard to find the pedigrees that doesn't have maclachus there's one pedestal mccaiman from zwarchims vacuum chapter that's where they put it in before chakras because it's one chapter with this actress there's not much like us in his alma climbing if you ever noticed it's a panic of missionaries small is a chapter of swahili so the messiah brings i think from the raw that uh it's the one chapter without mahlege i think there's maybe another one another two but they put that in before darwin so these much like so the question is what's actus so that's what the mime is explaining that real unity is not one that that is afraid of diversity on the contrary it it includes it's a unity that includes and encompasses different different people different states not only that and that itself there's two levels i can tolerate diversity and i can celebrate diversity that's deeper you could tolerate it fine i could tolerate it am i you're you i'll tolerate i'm not i'm not going to get upset and he let me touch his ben and i don't go crazy fine it's also about nice madrega but here it's much deeper than that here it's you you not only honor it you honor it you respect it you also celebrate it you know that you realize that it's essential to you it adds it's not just okay never nebuchadnezzar i have to deal with a different personality it would have been better if you would be quiet it would have been better if you thought just like me but okay i'm a civilized person and i grew up in a democracy so i'm used to a different opinion it's much deeper than that the real actress is the actress that comes from diversity as he says all the pratim all the details and even the paradoxes ultimately messiah's eliza they assist each other it's like in a jigsaw puzzle if one piece is missing if two pieces are the same you're not gonna have the puzzle and if one piece is missing you're not gonna have the puzzle again like notes in a symphony like limbs in the body like the 80 trillion cells in the body every one has its unique its unique contribution so the the diversity strengthens the unity it contributes to it like in a person a person is filled with different types of carcass filled we all have different different parts of our brain different parts of our personality different moods different experiences so what does it mean to have unity in life to have harmony in life one is i dull or i eliminate any any faculty that i'm that i'm not appreciative of but that's that's sometimes you know sometimes people that's really the concept of medication which sometimes could save a life and sometimes it's necessary but in a deeper place the idea of unity is to be able to find that all of the conflicting paradoxes in your psyche and your personality all are saying something true that everyone has a message and you need to hear all those messages in order to be able to find your true self good question what about if a person has negative thoughts or negative behaviors so that's what we speak many times about you have the kitsania civilian you have the premieres of it the kittenius of it externally it's just bad but if you'll go deeper and more premiums the coleville ain't good i'm talking it's also saying something there's a message there like we spoke in the third class that we develop coping mechanisms in life and we develop different addictions or different cravings or different instincts because our animal consciousness is trying to survive and it believes that this is survival so if you really look bikhitsani is it could just be seen as evil like we called the eight sahara if you look on a deeper level what it's really looking for you'll find that at its core it's not really bad it's not really evil so that's also part of my harmony that's also part of my unity hashem how can i love hashem with both my inclinations i thought it's bad it's evil is the haraya that it at its core it's not so a person has to be honest you know where i am it doesn't mean that every single mood and every single instinct i should follow because it's really good externally it may be very dis looking for something that's that's that's not good that's not healthy that's counterproductive even destructive or immoral if i study isaac what's the reason for this why do we have to say that is celebrates diversity he says because hashem hashem's essence atmos includes everything everything comes from it so it includes all the paradoxes so that means in their source all the paradoxes are one because it comes from oneness everything comes from what's called actus absolutely from oneness so therefore the only real arctus the real actress which is rooted in the ultimate actress is the unity that not only is it not afraid of paradoxes it encompasses all of them and all of them are part of a truth the more i distance myself from the source the more a person is distanced from the ultimate source from the ultimate actress the more i get stuck in a particular seer in a particular form and this becomes my exclusive identity and i can't deal with paradox i can't deal with something outside of that in other words the simple words the closer one is to hashem what does it mean closer tasha the more one is aligned with the divine reality inside of them and inside the world the more there's echoed hashem in the source everything is there and everything is one when i'm dis from it meaning when i'm living in a life a life where that's concealed that's what we call clipper there's a husk there's a shell so the less there is unity the more i become egotistical what's when i become egotistical i put my claws into a particular space and that's it and now i have a very serious problem dealing with the paradoxes inside of me and certainly with the paradoxes outside of me so when i become intolerant the intolerance is basically representing an idea it's representing the truth that i'm not connected with the source i'm distant i'm distant from from my own source for my own core and that's why he says it's true in the whole creation in all of creation because everything really comes from oneness so therefore even the way it's manifested in details there's also still oneness there's always actors the sephietsidas says he took fire out of water and water out of fire water and fire are the opposites that's the symbol of two opposites fire and water don't coexist but as he says and it's a pellet that he says this in physics push it in science that if you go to a deeper place you'll see this water and fire and there's fire and water like we said yesterday fire is made up of electrons and water is also made up of electrons electricity electrons are fire it's just a different formula that allows it to be fire and allows it to be water and from hydrogen you make fire the hydrogen bombs so at the surface fire and water paradoxical but because ultimately everything comes from hashem and hashem is one so all the paradoxes are one so therefore there's nothing in the world that doesn't contain everything else the question is if it's revealed or it's concealed because the imprint of the creator is manifested like the imprint emma says the beginning in the middle of the end it says in euros so the imprint of hashem is in the bria the kayak so therefore even though we live in a world of diversity i am i and you are you fire is fire and water is water but on a deeper level in the water from water you can get fire from fire you can get water the formulas are created in a way that everything has its finite form on a deeper level everything is interconnected so therefore when a person goes to that deeper space inside of themselves so then not only do paradoxes not undermine them or scare them on the contrary i celebrate it because i realize that part of me is the paradox i am part of you and you are part of me and if i detach myself from you i'm detaching myself from me from my true me because my true me is after ain't safe instead i created a substitute for the for the true me and that's what the gemara says in tightness you should be soft as a reader not as harsh as a cedar you would think harsh as a seed you're a stronger person he says you're a weaker person because i'm a weaker person therefore i have to become stubborn because if i'm not going to be stubborn what's going to happen you're going to destroy me maybe you're stronger than me but if i'm really strong then i don't have to be stubborn because i'm broader i'm greater i'm larger why am i larger because i'm rooted in that which is ultimately answer it's clear also is clear you get it yeah the more stubborn the more weak a lawyer once told me when he was training so his professor whoever told himself like this when you're in the court he said if the law is on your side yell scream the law if emotions are on your side not the law then scream emotions if nothing is on your side he says just yell just yell it says in kahelas why why it's not stam a nice thing it's about talia if the words are real what should i still the yelling is making up for something i'm hollering i got nothing to say so what like all i can do is scream so it sounds like i have something to say the guy is screaming he probably believes in that right little do you know huh your best defense is offense there's real substance if i really exist i don't have to be stubborn i don't have to protect it so much what you have to protect so much is because it's extremely vulnerable right very egotistical people are extremely vulnerable people in the sense that there's no real mohus so it could disintegrate so how can i allow for another opinion so the question i have to ask myself is why did i become so stubborn why am i so confrontational this is the idea by the way right before davening we speak about abhishemal the thirteen the thirteen methods of interpreting of interpreting toyota that moshe gave the jewish people the last one is snakes they'll contradict each other and it's a real contradiction and then you'll have the third part second will create reconciliation so the question is why does the toyota have to do it that way what do you have to give mistakes as uh and then bring me a kosovo bring in a shopkin to make peace to be an arbitrator don't give don't make a contradiction you won't have to have a peacemaker so you say a joke one one drove called another dove and he says let's make unity he said and keg and vetement against whom don't make me a macholicus and don't make me like them he said you know we have to make a contradiction and actually go no you're going to save us you don't need a third if you didn't have a muklikas the shot is of course it's a very profound idea you need the snakes of zaza hashem is not defined by orange or red the snakes of krishna doesn't each bring out a truth it brings out the paradoxes that are all part of oneness because atsumo sacham's essence is not defined by a particular color particular shape a particular flavor on the contrary the paradoxes represent the infinity which includes different extremes from one extreme to another and that's what you need this pulsar that radically goes to this side and this paso radically goes to another side and each one brings out a truth not not only truth but a truth and introduces that transcendent component is when he started to become a baltimore so he was a very interesting person so he once went back to his friends and television you know he's one of the stars of israeli theater and television he was a very colorful charming personality so they told they asked him they said give us your last give us a last joke before you know you you run away give us tell us the last joke he was an entertainer he was a he was a brilliant entertainer he told them a joke and he said that there was once in england or in israel there was uh in israel he said there was uh there were two yeshiva bakram on a bicycle and the policeman didn't like religious people so he decided he wants to give them a ticket so if you follow somebody for a half an hour in a car or a bicycle you can always find something illegal right ms if unless your mum is uh i'm a doctor but most people if i follow you a half an hour we'll just find something so the policeman decided he's following them and he follows them a half an hour every stop sign every red light every yellow light they did everything according to the law so he plots and he goes over to them he says you know i'm following you a half an hour waiting for you to make a mistake how is it that you're not making a mistake it's crazy they said hashem is with us on the bike he says oh you have three on the bike ticket you get a ticket that was uri zoya's last joke yeah but there's a certain the profound message over there so kosovo is the agreeableness if you don't have the snakes of christians as there that that's not actually fine you have one persic that's not actus that's a very super it's nice i mean it's not but not being my battle that you have one but the point is that's why martin taylor was the third month right it says in the murray and shabbos pay everything is connected to three the third month and turn the vehicle and kayanim levine in israel and it was given after three did everything an abner garden over there goes through another bunch of things of three was and i got a whole stream and what it would be six and seven and four and two and one one is so bad but this is the nakuda this is the nakuda if you have one you have one it's nice it's kashmak but it's it's the three if you have two it's duality there's you and me because of slishi nayem that's the real nicodevachtus the real nakuda of actus is it's not afraid of his calculus of division on the contrary um yeah yeah yeah and the that was the example also in learning you have a person who learns superficially if you learn superficially you're not going to have contradictions if you go a little deeper you're going to be filled with contradictions that's why it's hard for people it doesn't nothing makes sense if you go supervision you didn't really deal with it that's like superficial actors it looks good the main thing is it looks good for the pictures for the photographer some people learn like that also it's for the photographer for my own photographer if you take a go deeper you know you go more down to a granular level it's going to be filled with contradictions and it has to be that way because he says if it's a real cycle if it's a real muscle there's opposite ideas because truth is not one-dimensional atmosphere everything so the more thorough you get into an idea the more you're gonna discover contradictions differences and paradoxes and then when you go to a deeper level there's a real there's a real unity that each nakuda is part of the truth and that's what real hiscalcus means real escalcus means you identify the unique quality and contribution of each one and how ultimately they each contribute to each other to create one holistic one holistic uh sense of unity rakhikan of kosciusz that was the main point so now we go writer all this is to explain what was the clip of midian that moshe said nikaim nikmas hashem bemidjian that midian is the menace medium comes in the word strife she says in hess all this is true big qualification when you're living in the space sitra means the side it means the space the energy the the makkah citra literally means saad in aramaic saad is citra situated versus so it doesn't mean side here two sides you know like color war you're on the right side you're on the left side sister means you're in the space you're in the in the mental space in the zone right you're zoned in they use that for the phones it's called the dead space right it doesn't the place where it doesn't connect what is it called uh huh that spot yeah so there's a situation means you're you're in a space of kidus what's what's nergish over there is the indian of bitton and then that is the reason there's going to be unity and hiscalolus yaakov says yeshli koil not yeshli love hiscalolus from the word cloud integration and again integration doesn't mean there's no diversity on the contrary from the diversity disintegration it's true in yourself it's true in other people it's true in relationships it's true in learning it's true in science and physics in real kaducha ancient mayan are not mortal enemies nothing is a mortal enemy now we all have fire and water inside of ourselves emma's you have parts of your fire parts of your water if you can't make peace between the fire and water inside of yourself how could you make peace between fire and water in your family or in your community stockton yourself what do you say are you fire your water right very good water is calm water is more calm unless there's a tsunami water is less ah fire also doesn't like borders [Laughter] fire and water on the contrary water you could contain fire ki the fire just has a space it's going to spread right that's one of the arb is the zika hasherv so heaven can be very damaging but it can also be very beautiful but fire generally is associated with passion with tremendous passion right it says fire and then there's water avocados so fire and water are manifested in different ways but the peace i have to be able to make within myself the harmony one of the greatest challenges in people's lives we have so much anxiety and stress is it's hard for me to make peace with everything inside of me so we start blaming certain parts in our self and judging parts in ourselves so we have to repress it or amputate it or get angry and then we're getting angry that we're getting angry so we're getting angry that we got angry that we got angry and it sometimes becomes a vicious cycle like the brain doesn't stop but in the space of atmos in the space of bitter what's up bittel bittle is two things bittel means first of all that i'm aligned with ain't seyf bittle means you're a channel for infinity you're a channel fraction like we always say what's bittel bittle means self nullification to what it's like when you nullify the meat the milk and the meat so then now the meat is part of the milk the russian what does it mean you're part of hashem so if you're part of ainsof so you're a conduit for infinity or a channel framed scythe so then the person lives in a space of deep inner harmony now again i'm going to say this again i always say this you'll forgive me because i just see different people's faces facial expressions and that is if you're if you're hearing this with judgment you're hearing this through the tools of trauma so you're not hearing what we're saying in other words if what you're hearing is why can i be like this what can i be right it's already not that you understand what i'm saying you have to be able to accept also the fact that you're not like that that joseph accept that's also the paradox you have to be able to accept that there's a reason for it yeah it's all about kindness that's what actress means actress means you don't judge any part of you even the part that completely doesn't know anything i'm talking about and it's like this guy's living in a different planet i'm not living in a different planet i struggle with what you struggle but we have to accept that too that's also part of ottomans and you'll see there'll be much more serenity when you can really accept it embrace it it's part it's part of my journey there's a message there there's something going on now sometimes i'm not in a place of bitter i'm not a conduit faint so if i'm very scared i'm very insecure because that's the second of bitter the second i could have bittle is that you're not living from a place of coping you're living from a place of expansiveness it says in others things are really called alive what does it mean i could be alive and i could be coping hashem is not coping a la cuz is really alive so bittel means you're truly alive you don't have to cope you're not surviving you're alive so if you're not coping if you're not coping you could be fully alive then you're expensive but when i'm in a place of survival i'm in a place of coping in other words my survival instincts are what's governing my life so i become very confrontational i get very scared like we spoke in the third class right sometimes if you're having a marriage and so the two couple disagrees and one of them goes crazy why is he going crazy even if you don't explode but you implode why do you implode there's something threatening you why am i so threatened why am i so threatened you have to ask yourself why am i so threatened the answer is this is because i'm not in the place of bitter i'm not i'm just not i'm very threatened i'm in a coping place and i'm very vulnerable i'm extremely weak so i have to be kasich heiress when you're in a place of you have real inner simcha in other words you're connected to the source then i'm not coping i'm not i'm not surviving so i don't have to become confrontational i'm just not in that space yeah it makes sense you understand what i'm saying huh excellent question so the gemaran sanhedrin says that when uh doing introduced david miller to shoal shul said who me ben who's that little kuzdet young man right she introduced him as a domi and the mariah says he was saying he's another ace of asav was a redhead and he's a redhead and they're both dangerous people the gemara says no no no no was impulsive he wanted a kill he killed david was a warrior but he was an evid hashem so power is a very powerful quality but david's power ultimately was a much deeper power because it came with tremendous humility it didn't come to cover up his weaknesses sometimes the greatest bullies are the weakest people in hebrew the word for bully is alam like you have in gemara called the alam a mighty bully don't start up with them the same letters of the word alam is the word elaine elaine is mute somebody who can't talk very often the bully is the person who is not allowed to talk he's an elaine he's mute so how is he going to get attention how is he going to get validation in class he has to become mr alam because the poor kid didn't have a place to talk this is not kasperschaum to justify bullying and to allow the victim to suffer bullying is a very serious thing but it's understanding what looks like you know this this person who spends six hours a day in the gym right the question is do you go to the gym because you love your body because you go to the gym because you hate your body you understand two people who go to the gym they're both working out one person respects himself the other person hates himself it looks the same but it's not the same one person is is unfortunately is a terrible terrible self-image so i have to undo that how do i undo that so the more i can impress the more i can overpower the more i can undo it but inside i'm empty why because i'm deta and my own feeling i don't realize how good i am how holy i am how divine i am you're a halo killer kamima you don't have to your self-image is not bad but if it is in my own perception i'm going to create substitutes that are fake and those substitutes will look like arrogance confrontation harshness toughness stubbornness anger all these things it's really covering up for a deep pain of inadequacy that exists and that's what the ashes looks like now we have that i have that but if i can identify right if somebody disagrees with you right in the house your child says something and you want to push it break a window and throw him out leo lavod right if you can identify and say you know what i'm in a weak place now i'm in a place of i'm not in a place of bitter i'm not in the place of yeshua so be quiet for 60 minutes just be quiet you're already in a good place you identified what's happening right and you i even have compassion for it you can even maybe understand why it's happening and you understand now is not the time to talk somebody sent me uh our gabba here friend sent me yesterday uh a line it was pretty interesting he wrote to me a wise man once told his wife nothing because he was a wise man right so the bashamtv said when you're angry don't speak for 61 minutes why not why not because we know people during their anger they got divorced they sold their house and they moved to another continent all in the same hour of anger so fine you're in an angry place we get it you're mensch but don't make your decisions of life based on that because i'm in a very weak place i'm in my shell i'm in my egg i didn't see the sun yet let the egg crack you'll see the sun and then you'll make better decisions maybe you shouldn't get divorced maybe you shouldn't move to another continent maybe you shouldn't sell your house and your business all in the same 60 minutes that's a good question i think 61 means you know [Laughter] foreign how it works but 60 minutes uh and one okay if you waited sixty go wait one more minute it's probably good now usually anger is a secondary emotion it's covering over a sense of pain a sense of loneliness right oh you'll have a lot of times that people get angry at each other what's the real issue the real issue why are you getting me so angry you're getting me so angry really i'm in pain i'm lonely i want to be connected to you but that's very vulnerable it's very hard for me to say i'm pain i'm lonely so what do i say i say you're to myself you're a rosh merusha i don't need you i never needed you it was a mistake that i haven't met you was a mistake that i said shalom alaikum to you get out of my life i don't want to see you again so now in my mind i made myself feel better without acknowledging that i'm in pain but how true is it exactly you became the rasha marusha it's not the person is right or wrong we're not getting into that it's where i am where where my status is you're in another zone the zone the the element the mental space of fragmentation of separation why is it a place of separation because it's the reality in which hashem the oneness of hashem is not felt is not experienced viscerally so the oneness in life is not experienced that's the definition of situation so it's characterized by ayash by a separate reality outside of the reality of ain't moving in other words the ashes of kadusa is what then it has no yahshuas what's yahshuas means something existence right yes yes so what's the yeshus of caduceus what's the mitzius of kadusa the materials of that i'm a conduit for for being in the mode of means i'm in the mode i'm an ambassador of asha that's that's katusha i'm an ambassador of the reborn islam in this world all of me my mind my heart my faculties my makshava dibra myself if you're an ambassador of hashem so then on one hand you're completely humble and on the other hand you're the most powerful person why are you completely humble because i don't have to i don't have to be right i don't have to be confrontational i'm very humble i'm open on the other hand you're very powerful because you're a conduit for infinity so you're not a pushover you're not a smarter much it's more on the contrary you're much more confident but your confidence is not coming from fakeness from ah from guyva from arrogance on the contrary creates its own yeshs it creates its own matrias i have to if i'm not experiencing that i'm a conduit from hashem i want to live so i create my own little bubble and that's where i live in the problem is the bubble doesn't really exist so every day i have to recreate that bubble in different ways but but but very easy take a needle you know and you you rupture the balloon and boom that's scary it's scary to be a balloon one little needle boom right so now this person is arguing with me you're a needle and i'm a balloon so what am i supposed to do i have to kill you makes sense huh i'm saying there's a needle that that could that can threaten the balloon so anger blossomer and yiddish expression anger blossom [Music] yeah what's under blossom anger blossom means you know what anger blows and means huh blowing up it's blowing up that's what the ashes is this parentheses here but i want to go after the parentheses it's like the parentheses goes for for like seven lines the line starts without and this is the reason why there's separation and this fragmentation because again two things number one if i'm not connected to ensigf so then differences of opinion and paradoxes are threatening they undermine me and number two if i'm not connected to encycle i'm in a very insecure position and therefore i'm in a very fearful space so division becomes very natural because it's the way of me coping it's very hard for me to be all-encompassing because my existence is a very very threatened existence and whenever somebody it's like we spoke in the third class when somebody operates on a level of trauma whatever that means it could be on a million different levels when i'm operating from that space my tools are extremely extremely limited and i'm in a survival mode and when i'm in a survival mode division is a very natural thing because my existence is undermined so easily i separate within myself and i separate with others relationships become the most threatening thing isolation is survival that's what it is anybody knows what that means isolation is survivor you ever feel like that you don't trust anybody you go into your corner and you're safe and you lock the door lauren but everyone wants a relationship so you're going to allow a little bit the person gets too close out text maybe a text a person once told me something very sad i was actually very impressed with his awareness i felt close to him and i saw one day that he was very upset at me and i didn't know why so i said why are you so upset at me so he said like this listen to this it taught me so much he said as follows he said somebody who loves me is one of two things either he's stupid or he's a lowlife he's a liar because i am damaged so if you love me either you're stupid or you're you're trying to to to steal from me you're trying to undermine me i don't think you're stupid that means you're evil so you understand you understand but the awareness is very powerful you know i'm damaged i'm damaged so if you love me you're certainly damaged you don't go to the store and buy the most damaged computer right you don't do that i mean unless it's for sale and whatever you can pay two dollars and refurbish it but it's not what you do you don't go to buy that why are you buying a damaged computer that was his muscle some people do yeah yeah so either you don't realize it's damaged so you're stupid or you could make money off me i'm just i'm just bringing out one example of how isolation works so therefore if i stay away i stay away of course i stay away i can't be open it's too dangerous and there's a reason there's a reason when this kid with this person was a kid he was backstabbed and front stabbed a hundred times emotionally so so so you want him to open his chest again so give me another stab so isolation is the right place and that's what period is so where is this period coming from it's coming from not recognizing that i'm infinite not recognizing that i'm part of hashem in other words thinking that i'm really crushed isolated smarter worse than an insect even an insect you know the bugs that go around they have more self-esteem exactly that's why this yeah that's why you cannot learn these things with judgment this is not judgment it's an x-ray it's not judgment i know why the person is that way when he was two three four five years old instead of being told that he's achilles he was told that he has no right to exist he was molested so he was told i don't exist that's what he was told for in the formative years that's what he believes today the only way he could exist is if he pleases people he he's now let it be so the moment you want to get into his life and be connected to him he's going to shut you down because you're connecting to something that has to be in hiding that has to be embarrassed either you're stupid or you're even more evil and that he can't afford that and then we create mechanisms to protect that anybody relates to what i'm talking about what did you answer when i answered him what do you think what do you think i answered him i'm still answering him i hope he's listening i'm still answering him i'm always answering him and i'm answering myself so there's two levels of isolation there's isolation where i'm suffering from the isolation and there's isolation that's so bad that i turn my isolation into meshiach and then it's worse than that so they told us the concealment is also concealed and then it's much worse if i know that it's dark outside i'm saying oh it's dark you've got to be careful but if the darkness becomes light and a substitute for light then i don't even know it's dark so it's more sad in other words my isolation becomes a shita sakayam it comes out you understand it becomes a philosophy in life i have to develop a philosophy around it i want to feel good about myself i don't know i don't want to feel a person wants to feel good about themselves and that's a good thing a person should feel good about themselves why shouldn't you feel good about yourself in other words how a person should live if if not so i create philosophies and ideas and is around it yeah and if i'm uh i find sources and now i have a bunch of sources why i'm isolated than gandic so now i have god stamp too right so my trauma is with a hexer badass i have a hexa it's a it's kevaldic it's holy it's sacred and this the person is is in a difficult state so all this is i'm in a place of situation it means not with judgment but that the person is not experiencing themselves as a flow of divine infinity of course i have to be isolated life is very threatening i don't have that confidence i have to go back and tell the child inside of me you are not a victim you are not a smarter you're a helicopter and you should emerge and you're entitled to real relationships but it's not a speech because it's it's pre-verbal it hurt let's just learn another few lines here the zelda wing and clippers median show her mother in various sinas so midian is this strife which represents hatred sinasinam baseless hatred and we said what's that basil's hatred us it could be a situation the person did not do me evil will they not go back nor did he touch anything that's mine is that like he stole my job or you stole my house or damaged something or usurped something for me sometimes he didn't take something he took us half a thing he didn't take a half a thing either the gamma love clown sometimes a person didn't do anything but to see you feel that he's he's scheming against you you know you're you have you have it in for me you have an infant right something about me you have to you're scheming means you're planning but the fact is that he can't tolerate him it's hard for him to talk to him it's hard for him to connect to mix with him even it comes to something holy so connect to him i can't vasiblasa what's the reason i live in a space where i can't really create space for somebody else the frailty of my existence which becomes very yesh it becomes i'm akashic areas right i cannot really create space for somebody in a true way i become like very narcissistic in a different way i become your opposed absolutely us it's not even personal because he said it's it's my issue it's my trauma it's my own pain it's my onyashis like possession your existence drives me crazy because as long as you exist somehow my existence is diminished what is that if you exist in your full glory it takes away something for me but it's not but it is ah when mordechai wasn't bowing right okay we'll soon see about the midian itself that has to do with with zima with addiction i certainly can't connect them in a positive way sometimes i don't connect to somebody but here it's not only there's also a negative there's negative energy certainly unfortunately he says we see this in the last generations in so many places where jews live and all the places where they live in every indian there's another so anything that's communal there has to be strife should be especially when it comes to holiness ooh over there amish nobody can get along with is 1898 comes to the bottom it comes to shakhta when it comes to running shoes the kadaimo it comes to holy thing suddenly the worst lowest angels come out i once heard from rabbi sacks oliver shalom the british chief rabbi he says that yaakov woke up from the dream and he says ain't zakim basil kim this is a house of god this is how did he know she says because the madrid says that the rocks were fighting with each other so he said a place that even the rocks get into a fight ain's a king basilica this has to be a shul it's a basilica even the rocks have to fight people if somebody says one thing the other person feels he has to say the opposite um person builds and another person demolishes the saint peter lava so you could say no i have a different opinion i'm a lot of a different opinion you think it's a building and i'm telling you you're demolishing the community you're allowed to have we said you might have different opinions he says mail a different opinion it's really peridhal of office that the hearts are fragmented the rationale comes later the reason i'm disagreeing with you is not that i genuinely have a different way of looking at it so i tell you my opinion then it wouldn't end up in strife no i'm saying what i want the seiko comes after i find reasons expression the question is why do i want to say different vellum you want this so something gets triggered in me they have to say the opposite what is that about he says you have to look deep inside what what type of existence do you have inside the the nephronship you're not going to find it in the other person he would have said black you said white he said what in other words there's something inside of me what is it something that's not peace at peace in me the anger the jealousy lack of contentment lack of lack of self-acceptance lack of self-love lack of real understanding of who i am i'm in a place of yeshua's instead of a place of bit that's the principle the underlying principle is you want this of course i have to want the opposite i don't even have a choice of course i have to disagree with you behind them it's so it's not different ideas you have different people have different smallers yeah because that which has to be accomplished gets ruined and nobody looks at that point in other words something has to be built and all that is getting destroyed but they're not looking at it because i'm more focused on how am i going to come out of this what's going to be my position so it's a communal issue people need something right children need something this one needs something but instead of looking at that i'm so busy with my own insecurities that i can't even look at that so this is so besides the fact that it's painful to separation what has to be accomplished not accomplished because you know you're pulling it from this side and and i'm pulling it from this side okay we'll take a break here and basic hashem will continue thursday morning 7 45 thursday morning 9 30 will be the women's class right here everybody have a beautiful and wonderful day it's not condition that's what bittel means yeah of course he says a vedas cannot extinguish the truth of the person if i care the reason i do avedis is usually because i don't know about this truth you know what i mean it's like if i have i have 10 million dollars in the bank but i don't know about it so i'm stealing stealing why am i stealing i don't know i have 10 million dollars in the bank if i would not have 10 million dollars in the bank i don't have to steal i think i have five cents in the bank you understand what i'm saying the reason most people do evade this is because they don't know who they are you don't lose it's just unfortunately that i'm living like a pooper who has to steal and run away from the police you know the story the guy on the train huh the guy on the train you know he was a wealthy man he bought his first class ticket and he sits down on the train and then you know the police would come to inspect the tickets in europe and he says everybody's hiding under under the cheers see yosa goes hiding under the chair [Laughter] so he's talking to the guys he says why you're hunting he says well none of us buy tickets so we he says oh i have a ticket he shows him you have a first-class ticket shirt what are you hiding under the chairs so it doesn't take away that he has a ticket because the person is not living in that space what happens if somebody did something we once learned that even when it says you remember he says it's only the queen of yaakov israel is never cut off even cut us yeah yeah listen no if somebody stole if somebody stole a hundred thousand dollars for me and i want the money back let's not see this you know if somebody broke my glasses yeah or somebody uh destroyed my car and i want them to pay for it that's not synthesis i mean i could be michael but that's not sin how do you do don't take revenge he says don't confuse this with somebody taking somebody to court because they they owe them money that's not revenge i'm not making to lose my money you could be mindful if you want but that's not sino that's not not even uh uh no i want to thank repnuchum freed for this whole technology [Applause] i usually don't have a chance i don't have a chance from well he founded it with recrying brisket he founded our god this class is brought to you by the yeshiva.net please help us continue the classes make even a small contribution at www.theyoshiva.net donate