Parshat Vayigash: Yosef's Kingdom - Rebbetzin Tziporah Heller

[Music] by gosh starts with the very starts of the very dramatic reading so I want to read you some of what it says and then we're going to talk about it it begins with the word by you gosh which means and he approached but Rashi explains to us that this word for approaching is used with three different kinds of means through which people approach one thing to another the first one is prayer so prayer is a certain kind of approach we're moving from where you are to our shims are no ability the other kind is war where a person who's hostile approaches another person the word in modern hebrew for crash is hit nog shoot and the other is verbal encounter so the encounter here is between yahudah and Yosef do you remember last week's car she had you learned last week's parsha right so you put listen to the words it's very dramatic so you didn't joseph approaches Yujin says please my lord well your servant speak words in the years of my lord and don't be angry at your servant because you are like Pharoah my lord you asked your servant saying do you have a father or a brother and was said to my lord we have an elderly father and a child of his old age who's young and his brother died and he was left alone to his mother and his father loves him and you said to your servant bring him here to me that put my eye upon him and I said to my lord the child cannot leave his father if he leaves his father he'll die and I said to you and you said to your servant if your fault if your brother doesn't come down with you so you won't see me and it was when we went to your servant my father and we told him all of the words of my lord my father said go back and buy some food and we said we can't go down bless our brothers with us then we'll go down we won't be able to see the man without our young brother with us and you're serving my father said to us you know that my wife had two children and one went forth from me and he said oh you said oh he was torn apart and I've never seen him again you're going to take this one also if the tragedy happens you will bring me down to my grave and now if I come to my father and the boy isn't here and his soul is bottled up with him when he sees that the boy is not here he'll descend into the pit because your servant has taken responsibility for this child to his father and said if I don't bring him to you I would have sent you all of my life and now take me as your servant in place of the child as your servant be and let the boy go up with his brothers okay so notice a few difficult things there are three difficult things here one is this constant use of the word My Lord whose pet you paid attention to that okay another is to understand this one first and it'll make the other things even more difficult who is he talking to Holies for is he calling my lord Yosef okay so one view is that he's calling Yosef another view is as he was talking to yourself he actually had God in mind as well he's talking to us if using the word my lord and it is hard he's thinking my lord okay yeah from the use of the word my lord which isn't used in conventional language in this way okay that's why normally you would say my master which is reborn not I don't I which is like okay okay clear that's your was a good question so to understand this better the idea of looking at a circumstance and seeing God in it isn't so simple so I'm going to give you three examples what about what I mean in order to get us back to the text okay the first one put yourself in this position you have a job and you love your job it's a great job and you can you made a condition with with your employer that on winter Fridays you leave it to okay here it is it's two o'clock you're packing up your stuff he goes it's a wait a minute you can't just leave like this you're not finished and you say you're right I know I'm not finished but it's - and that's our agreement cuz look this is December 31st this is the last day this has to be done today tomorrow is a new year it's January 1st it has to be done today the date in the computer has to be December 31st this transaction can't be done tomorrow you'll have to make an exception could this happen in real life what do you think you think this could happen or not of course it could happen okay so at that point tell me three different ways your mind can take you okay one as I'm leaving what are you thinking as you say this okay so you may be saying too bad to which your employer is going to say what yeah but either you work for me or you don't it's up to you okay so what responses I don't care I'm going okay tell me another two responses I'm going to stay into it it's an emergency I have to do it I have no choice I can't just leave my job what's the third response why this what did I do to deserve this I'm going to have to leave and I didn't could you picture a lot of great leaving with a great deal of embitterment and anger yes okay so in all three instances what you lost track of is when was it determined how much money we're going to earn this year when was that determination made Rosh Hashana okay clear so in in each of these instances the person lost track of it so that means that on some level the person thought that their employer is their master okay clear okay so even though they're not using the word Lord they're treating the employer as though he is their Lord let's move it to health okay a person has symptoms they go to the doctor and the doctor gives them a terrible terrible prediction could such things happen yes okay could you picture feeling when the doctor goes on and says here's the protocol we could recommend that you feel like your life depends on the doctor's success or failure in being able to make this protocol work for you could you fix your feeling like that yes or no of course you could okay when was it determined whether you live or die this year Rosh Hashanah but you've still handed over power to the doctor could you see where this is so next last example palette okay so I'm going to rephrase your question to make which is the question somebody should've asked already with the first one so why did I bother going to work why am i bothering going to the doctor if he has no power what's the difference you understand this so you have to put in your efforts because the way God wants you to work is through applying the rules of the game but in the way the bottom end and these are the words of the Talmud not my words God has many bears and many Lions meaning he has many ways of bringing about whatever end product he wants to come about the outcome probably will be the same but the only thing that could change the outcome is a few change so what that means is as follows outcomes are compared to a glove which fits a hand if the hand changes then the glove changes so in the first example let's say you walk out of the job because of Shabbos and you put faith in Hashem even without a great deal of embitterment okay that might have caused you to grow enough to deserve not only another job but a better job that can change it exactly because on Rosh Hashanah everything is put in place but there are things that can change decrees so I want to tell you what can change the decrees that were made on Rosh Hashanah or there were also decrees that were made at the time of your conception since you have a purpose in being here so in order to fulfill your purpose you need the right tools right see here with the five things that can change things there are no surprises here by the way okay the first is if you do children if you change okay so an example of that are you familiar with the yonis story yes now Jonah the whale okay so his for his fate really was in his hands okay he did shove us so he was saved he wouldn't have done so he wouldn't have been saved okay next the next thing that could change things is Fela because what Fela really is about is putting yourself in a state of total dependency on a sham so that's enough to change your fate sometimes the third is giving charity the reason why giving charity could be a deal changer is that most people more or less worship money could you see River sister I mean we see money as the cause and other is the effect so by giving charity you're demonstrating that you see that money isn't the be-all-end-all next is changing your name which doesn't mean don't call me Elaine call me kaya but it could mean that but it means changing the way people identify you so I'll give you an example of this go back to the office suppose your coworker with somebody who's on a much higher level than you religiously okay your boss wouldn't even ask them to to do this extra work it would be like not even something that would occurred to him to do okay could you see where this is so so if you change the way people see you the challenges that you get will be different challenges okay clear the last one is changing your place so what that means is changing where you're affected from the place that is affected you everybody is affected by their environment if you put yourself in a better environment that could change everything for you okay so let's go back to our texts with Joseph and Yehuda okay so you were just saying you're my lord but he does he's also addressing Hashem so I want you to have an another two pictures of what really relying on Hashem means so we've gotten past the employer we've gotten past the doctor picture this with politics okay could you imagine somebody saying if Trump is elected everything will be better for Israel could you picture someone saying that did people say that yes is that necessarily true no when was the fate of Israel determined again let's go back Rosh Hashanah so one of those ironic things is that Obama who doesn't like us and made no pretense of liking us right he gave us more financial aid than any other president which I don't think he could explain okay clear okay the next level up and this is the one that all of these levels were meant to take you to is when you confront the forces of evil when you confront the forces of evil as you who'da thought he was doing you have to recognize that that's also from Hashem the forces of evil are also a creation of God why did he create the forces of evil what's that for to challenge you so that so that you could become the person you were meant to be so now we're going to take this back to your hotel so you live it is the one who actually sold Yosef remember that okay so look how much the way Yosef is acting towards him now gives him the potential to actualize as who he is how much juvie he's done okay so he put himself in the exact opposite reality of where he was coming from of the day he sold yourself so to understand this better I want to introduce you to an idea called Silverton Mishka which means chuhwa on the scale give me an example of a tiny little sin more sin that you would consider to be a very minor one minor sin little tiny sin okay lying when lying when nobody is harmed okay clear somebody asks you how old you are or how much you weigh and you get younger or thinner okay which I overthought lying about Way was the stupidest wonderful because people have eyes whatever yeah whatever I weigh a hundred and ten you just need new glasses okay whatever okay so you tell a lie like that you didn't do much harm okay so you have to do two for still Kris any kind of light it takes you out of reality and God created you to live in reality right so the steps of two of our confession regret and solution to do differently in the future right okay give me an example of a really major sin something really big adultery okay that's big okay so you like your neighbors husband okay and he's so nice and he's so cute and he's so considerate has such a great sense of humor and you really like him did I offend you Nikita okay b'seder just wanted to wonder focus of adultery offended you okay right okay so let's say you do chuva but you already baked up your neighbors married you already wrecked up your own marriage okay could that happen yes these things have happened could you see we have the passion you have to the toover has to be somewhat greater than if you told a white lie so that's called Truvada Mishka which means the passion of your chuhwa has to have something to do with the weight of the sin okay clear so what Yosef is taking you who to to is true that's her Mishka and listen to how well you who responded he didn't justify himself at all he said and one of the brothers isn't here and I had to face my father with this and he said you're killing me he did not try to make himself sound better why do you think he didn't do that so the first thing you have to know when Shiva is honesty no honesty means no chuva okay clear so he's being extremely honest and finally he by when he says those words I will be a prisoner of rather a slave instead of the boy that completed his chuhwa so yo se took him where he had to go okay now the question is how could we justify Yosef doing this is it our purpose in life to bring about God's plans is that when we have to door could we leave God to take care of himself what do you think okay so I want to tell you something the main purpose you have in these worlds is to bring about what God wants so when you're unsure about decisions your basic questions and what does God want of me in this moment which is exactly where your sip was coming from okay so taking this now a little bit further you'll notice another thing that we heard in this in this part of the parsha which is that he continually referred to his father you who to refer to his father as your servant my father five times he used that phrase okay so the Midrash tells us the Kumari mother tells us that it was really 10 times why because he was using Menasha as a translator so the words you're serving my father was actually repeated 10 times and because of this he lost 10 years of his life he was meant to live to be a hundred and twenty Yosef okay no yo se was Rick no I made it a thing Yehuda was using the words you're serving my father thinking that you know safe is pero and it would be proper but Yosef didn't interrupt him he could have said you're your father's not my servant you're my servant I need you I didn't even meet your father okay he could have interrupted but he heard it so he lost 10 years of his life so this is supposed to tell you the enormous gravity of disrespecting your parents so what I want to ask you is why is it such a big deal parents are not perfect is that true or not yet it's true so what's so bad about not just giving maximum respect to people who are imperfect so I'm going to first mention something contemporary then I'll get back into the text we live in an era in which blaming is part of it's in the air we breathe could you see where this is so we blame continue ually what's limiting about blaming it puts power every place except where yourself and God okay clear so the only to mate the only two relevant actors in the play are excluded when you get into blaming so contemporarily the main folks on the blame game are your parents so our questions and how should you regard your parents given that they're not perfect okay right so I'm taking that as a given first thing who determined that you would be the child of your specific set of parents God so I want to point something out in the ten commandments which commandment is honoring your parents you know I'm really impressed I'm impressed that your parents do it okay that's really I'm very impressed oh here's your five that's good my parents would have liked that was okay so what so as you know the ones on the first Wilco parallel the ones on the second what's the 10th commandment don't covet which means being jealous of anything your neighbor has what do you think the relationship is between honor your parents and don't covet anything that belongs to your neighbor the last one is done covered everything anything right what was the first commandment I'm glad who took you out of Egypt write it whenever you have the first of something it really is stating the goal and the last is the achievement of the goal right so Isham wants to be known what's the proof that you really know how chef if you accept that what he gives you is what you're meant to have if you're coveting what somebody else has it means you don't really trust or believe in Hashem okay clear so because of that the last commandment is viewed as being the actualization of the first commandment and it parallels honoring your parents that means if you think if only my parents were like this person's parents they were only like the parents and the Brady Bunch okay if they were only like Afra hum and Sarah okay then I would be able to respect them but I sham wants you to respect your particular set of parents sequester's given that they're imperfect what's the mechanism so the first is by trusting Hashem he wants you to be challenged by whatever they challenge you with so let's say a very hyper critical parents is that possible so me and Hashem wants you to learn how to live with criticism how were you supposed to live with criticism you teach yourself to ask one question what's the one question No is this true if it's true you have to deal with it even if their intentions weren't good and if it's not true you don't have to deal with it okay garthe's so living with hypercritical parents could take you to that place living with nice parents don't take you to that place living with parents whose beliefs and opinions are completely false what could that take you to countering it exactly Ofra ham needed to be bored to somebody who had an idle shop because to be a from he needed to break idols this is clear okay so the first thing is your trust finish and we'll take you to realizing that the imperfections your parents have are the ones you're meant to contend with next thing in addition to having imperfections hold on to your chair you're a para que what else can be said about your parents besides their imperfections don't even go there they also have good points is there anybody who has no good points no your parents also have good points which means that you have to learn from their specific good points it's also part of Hashem's Providence the seismic market there are three parent three partners and the child the two parents in Hashem so that means that the fact is no matter what kind of parenting they did your presence in the world is directly caused by their so the more you see your own presence as significant the more gratitude you should feel towards them for bringing you here okay last thing the last thing is in order for you to survive infancy there had had to have been a lot of giving could you see where this is so so basic gratitude for the giving is also part of this picture so for all of these reasons honoring parents is considered significant enough that a great sided like Yosef actually lost ten years of his life from this ok clear okay on to the next Aliya do you have commotion with you yes no okay okay leave it for now because we only have a short time but for next time don't forget to bring home umm I want to see more of this inside okay so after you who to says I want you to be willing to be a servant instead of the boy and Yosef refuses him okay you who to realizes then that this that this is not just what Hashem wanted but this has to do with the cruelty of Yosef because he if it was a punishment from Hashem Yosef should have said yes I deserve to serve but nobody means they said no I only want in Yemen he recognizes that something funny is going on here in the meantime it says yes that couldn't hold himself back anymore okay and he says every person should be removed from my chamber now okay so he began to weep and everybody heard this weeping he was weeping out loud and yosef sepsis was brothers I'm Yosef as my father still alive and his brothers couldn't answer him because they were they were overwhelmed by him before before him and Yosef says to his brother approach me and the approach and he says I'm Yosef your brother you sold me to Egypt but now don't be saddened and don't be angry that you sold me because I will act as the one who brings you life it's from Hashem that this came about because that the hunger is still going to continue there was still five more years of hunger left there'll be no crops Hashem sent me in order that you remain and to give you life okay this is what Yosef said okay so these words under Yosef so it says something more just concerning these words what oil iam had in a glioma Toccata wall is through the day of judgment what was the day of rebuke so what's meant by this is the jet that brothers when they sold him had all sorts of justifications those justifications melted away in front of two words Arne Yosef at that point would you have anything to say there's nothing to say you can't say I'm your hoods are so pleased to meet you no you can't you can't say that you can't say well look at that there's nothing to say now if your safe was a vengeful person what would have happened next they were scared and what would have happened next he would have killed them I mean imagine well he was 17 such a betrayal and as we had in this parsha they recognized at this point in their lives that was a total betrayal so you might recall from last week that the Hutu said to excuse me that Shimon said to Ruane we didn't all of this happiness because we heard his pleading and begging and we hardened our hearts so they're carrying that had every reason to think that he would avenge himself against them so he was sensitive to that so the first thing he said to them is don't be sad for what you did why shouldn't they be said didn't we just say that that's part of children said Mishka so what he's separating now is the deed from the consequence saying the consequence of your having sold me is that I'm here now to save you from hunger so in terms of how Shanna's plan it was all for the good now be Yosef when do you think he figured out that Hashem had a plan they want to tell you the blackest time the blackest time is when he was put into prison so I want you to be him at that moment you did the right thing you wouldn't give in to the seductions of Poti fairy's wife there's a trial beö safe at the trial that they even gave him a trial was surprising by the way but there's a trial he's being tried before an egyptian judge what would you be doing when the judge is deciding your fate well he'd be asleep what would you be doing praying so you simply search him saved me I did the right thing okay help me and then what is the just why did the judge say not just go to jail go to jail forever go to jail forever and the jail was such a horrible place that it's referred to in the text as her board you know the literal meaning of hub or the pit so could you picture at that moment thinking I should have just taken her could you picture that so that once he was able to maintain faith at that moment everything else you know everything else just followed so that's why it says it's a hill and it's in Perry cool hey if you want to look at the Parekh okay the pair discusses the whole Egyptian episode and when it gets CEO say who actually began the Egyptian episode it says he became was purified by his words when he was in prison I mean his lowest time that's what made him capable of like this enormous nobility of looking at his brothers and saying don't be sad it was all for the good okay clear everybody has people in the ongoing drama here yeah who they don't like is there true somebody in Vienna and the ongoing drama try to forgive someone because the results are always for the good and people make their choices that don't really affect you so that's it for now it is so good to be back we have no idea [Music] [Applause]