Ari Goldwag - Yom Kippur - Talking About Change

you're listening to the weekly partial podcast with Ari Gold Wegg and I wanted to wish you a grassy Matt over everyone it's urgent Kippur actually in the States right now on the west coast which is why this video will be coming out after Shabbos and your paper has begun in Israel and I just wanted to share with you a quick thought I think it's gonna be significantly shorter than my usual podcasts that has to do with Yom Kippur that has to do with the idea of chuva and one of the classic questions that we ask ourselves as we come into your caper every year before a thinking person is you know we say the same things over and over again misael hey Telefonica talked about other things that we've done wrong it's also hard Overmyer and we didn't properly respect our parents we were busy looking at things we shouldn't be looking at we're busy saying things we shouldn't be saying all the different things be another lahmacun between ourselves in car between ourselves and others we ask each other from Aquila we ask God for Mithila we ask God for forgiveness we ask our friends our families for forgiveness and it seems that we keep doing the same thing you're in and you're out we keep asking for forgiveness and we keep coming back to the same there it's the same sins and so what's the approach to this it's important it's the question is really important because if we don't have a proper answer to this so we can say like what am I doing here this is a waste of time like Who am I kidding I'm not kidding God I'm not kidding myself let's not kid each other but I believe that that's a mistake it's a mistake to think that way to believe that and I want to share with you a thought I want to point out that on Yom Kippur one of the interesting and significant things that we do is that as we start the day but first the beginning of the day as we start yom kippur colon injury right after Cole news release Aldama Clemmie dasa Carl B Shiva Shamala B shooter schemata one of my team spelling of Ariane him we give permission to pray with the permission the heavenly yeshiva and the permission of those who are down here we need to pray with everyone we need everyone to be there you never want to be there we need everyone even those who have sinned and I would venture to say it's not just speaking about the blatant sinners but it's even speaking about ourselves the ones we're trying to do better we're trying to change we're trying not to make those same mistakes but nevertheless we invite the aspect of ourselves that has done wrong we invited in so that it too can receive carpark - can receive atonement it too can go through this process but the question is how does it work or what's what's perhaps one approach that we could take - to the idea of Khepera of atonement of changing of coming back and trying our best to change to do things differently I wanted to show you an experience I had this week where you know Hashem thank God I'm in the world and there's lots of challenges that exist in my sermon my service of God I'm always trying to be better I was trying to change I was trying to to strengthen my relationship with God in my relationship with others and there was a particular area that I was experiencing a challenge the it Sahara the evil inclination wanted me to to defy God in a certain sense wanted me to turn away from my Lotus Hashem and that wasn't really what I wanted to do and what I did was I called up a good friend who is someone I consider a spiritual mentor and we discussed it and we discussed approaches how to deal with it we spoke on the phone for about a half an hour and what was interesting was he gave me a particular tool which was a writing tool to write something write about the idea write about the issue to try to clarify what exactly was it what was the issue it's hard to attack an issue or try to you know before you try to understand what the issue is exactly and what was interesting was that just speaking about it just talking about it just discussing it with someone who's had a similar experience who's had a similar challenge who also is focused on a vote of Hashem serving God trying our best to do her shelves we'll just talking back and forth had an incredible impact and I sense or felt like that the that that which was driving me to turn away from God so it was released it was released just by speaking about it and I want to offer to you before I make the offer just the thought you know I know that that discussion and the release that I experienced you know we're here it's a it's a it's a constant battle the constant struggle it's a constant its constant work that needs to go on and I know that in every area of motifs of Shem whenever we develop or we counter dates to her evil inclination so it comes back it's not like it it's currently defeated Everts there's a constant growth that's necessary I just want to emphasize that but what I took from that I would I believe that we can all take from that excuse me is that there's a there's a conversation there's a conversation that goes on Yom Kippur there's a conversation that we have we come together random Kippur it's preferable to Dobbin it's extremely preferable not to be alone not to be alone when we die but not to be alone you davon and surely pray in the synagogue we speak about our sins together with all of the other people in the synagogue we talk to God of course and I should when I see on a personal level but we also speak you know as a congregation communally we all talk together we all admit it together there's a conversation I recall how a few years ago there was a large gathering I believe was in Madison Square Garden where Jews came together accused of many different stripes in order to reinforce their commitment to Hashem and to to to not misusing the Internet and the effect of it the power so many people tens of thousands of people coming together to acknowledge that there's an issue and speak about what can be done about it just the very fact that they came together there was a conversation about a powerful conversation about it an intense conversation changed things you know many people who did who took on different ways of dealing with the Internet issue as a result of that amazing get-together and I want to posit that that's part of what we're trying to do in Yom Kippur on Yom Kippur we come together as a community we come together to to admit as a community to talk about to think about the various that we've done the sins that we've committed and it doesn't mean that they're gonna go away doesn't mean that we won't still be challenged by these issues doesn't mean that I still every time I interact with my parents I won't still have to be aware of my need to respect them I need to to be focused and treat them properly but the fact that I'm talking about it the fact that I'm admitting it the fact that I'm recognizing it the fact that we're all talking about it there's a conversation a conversation that conversation has the potential to change the story to change the way that we approach the issue to change something on a subconscious level deep inside of ourselves that that will you know give give a little give a little give a little bit of space and so we bring in every aspect Malka Malka how I know my team's problem of our you know we're talking about it we're talking about the fact that we all know you know that can be swept under the carpet hey what I didn't do anything wrong what have I done wrong I'm a good person I'm trying now we don't want to avoid the issue because if we don't admit the issue if we don't speak about the issue the issue will persist even if we are generally good but we want to be better you want to be greater and so we need to talk about it and we need to talk about it with others we need to talk about it you know you know in that context and I encourage you that I encourage everyone encourage myself to recognize that it's a powerful thing to be able to speak about you know today I got off I just got off the phone my family is in Israel ten hours later than me and they're about to take in Yom Kippur and I I got off the phone with them and it was a conversation I really enjoyed talking to my son you know we had the conversation about makyla he asked me for makyla for forgiveness I said what do you want forgiveness for and and he I said you want forgiveness that maybe you didn't respect me enough he said yes I said I'm Michael I forgive you and I said he said you know we went through different things and it was a conversation and as a father I loved it I loved it I just you know holy saying something that he's done wrong to me but I I wanted to be Michael I'm the father I want to forgive my son my son to come in with a clean slate Yom Kippur I want to show him to forgive him I don't want there to be anything held against him and and I think it's beautiful because Hashem is the same way Shem loves us as a father Shem is a Vino volcano yes he's a king yes he's the master of the universe he's the one who created the entire the entire world but he loves us he's our Father and he wants a conversation he wants us to talk and say look this is what I feel I've done wrong this is what I did wrong shrim says I'm Michael I forgive you Shem this is what I feel like I've done wrong Shem says I'm Michael I forgive you Shem loves us like a father but he wants a conversation he wants the back and forth he wants us to talk about it he wants us to talk with each other and I think it's a beautiful thing to speak to others about the things that we feel we've done wrong discuss them discuss him sometimes it's appropriate to discuss it with a person that we've done wrong to that's what we do in every MK we ask for Mithila we ask for forgiveness sometimes it's not appropriate to discuss it with that person who's able to only hurt them more if we discuss it with them but it's certainly appropriate to discuss it with others and Sue and to clarify to try to understand what have we done how can we do better what steps can we take and just the discussion itself yes we want to take those steps but the discussion itself changes things I want to bless you and ask you to bless me we should be safe we should merit for democracy meat OVA then we should be inscribed to the book of good life this year 5778 shem should help us to continue in our growth in all at all levels in our relationships with others and our relationship with Hashem and in our relationship with ourselves thank you so much for listening have a good Shabbos Haseena time