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again sometimes a person may with
guidance may have to lower or change
their own standards for certain things
so that their marriage has less conflict
so that they can get closer to each
other on that value system so that in
the long run their values will grow
together I'll give you a small example
it might be a funny example but I think
this is an important point I had a
couple ones that came to me
when they got married this guy's hat was
a baseball cap and his jacket was like a
a like made out of like Gene material
jeans yeah denim okay that's what this
guy wore okay that was his hat and his
jacket he did not own a hat and a jacket
that was what it was okay then after 10
years a guy became very inspired and
decided that he comes home one day he's
wearing a hat bend down the whole Spiel
forcelino and is wearing like a proper
jacket and he like walks in the door and
his wife like was like are you
collecting tobacco she didn't even know
who he was he was like what is going on
here and he was like yeah this is the
new me you have to accept me and and she
was not ready for that she was not ready
for that and we had a long conversation
I'll tell you the muscle that I told him
life is like a journey
and marriage is like two people going on
that Journey side by side
so imagine if you're going for a
Thousand Mile Walk okay it's a long time
two people walking together side by side
that's what marriage is it's Unity
it's in the word journey of unity right
it's in the word it's in the description
of what marriage is now imagine if one
person says listen we're going forward
I'm gonna go forward ahead of you I'm
gonna walk a mile ahead of you I'm gonna
go on a Thousand Mile Journey but on
Mile two I'm now running to Mile Three
while you take a break
and we'll keep going on this journey
I'll meet you at the end I'm sorry to
say that's not marriage you might be
going in the right direction but if your
right direction is taking you away from
your spouse you may
in certain instances obviously you may
sometimes have to say I need to either
change my standard or sometimes figure
out that it's not conflicting with
yourself now obviously I am not talking
about breaking or or anything along that
that line but with Guidance with
guidance
a person sometimes may have to make sure
that their that their values are aligned
to the point where the spouse
is that the marriage is not being
affected there's a certain I don't want
to go into the whole details now
a very complex child that was presented
to Revelation that was very much along
these lines of a wife who is keeping to
a certain level and the husband was not
and when he presented this to Revelation
his response was
this is not going to work
this is not going to work the wife's
level of observance in halacha and the
husband is not going to work ah but the
wife was right
and he he said I'm going to teach you
how to be Mako over here and he was Miko
for the wife to bend halacha to the
point where the couple was strong and
then over time over time the husband was
able to grow towards his wife's
Direction there was no resentment there
was no animosity it wasn't hating Hashem
and hating and hating the rabbis there
was none of that because she was able to
understand that this journey if you're
not on this journey together so what do
you have
you have no marriage
so sometimes that's the answer not
across the board ask your local Orthodox
Rabbi but sometimes when those Merit
when those values are not aligned when
those
concepts are not aligned you have to
make a concession
if it's within the world where it's
affecting both of you
