Journey to London: Motherhood - The Key to our Children's Success

this tour class is brought to you by torahanytime.com thank you so much Levine for the warm introductions this one has been the most recent so it's okay anytime for this weekend and they asked me to speak about motherhood and they're wondering what in the world does the guy know about my mother enter is nothing but I had the privilege of Shabbos to stay in the morham um and they took us to London to see these jewels the treasures of London are the uh you know this would be about the house of Abraham and Sarah we know that in the house of Abraham and Sarah the shallow is fresh to whole week foreign this evening the hotel that we have today the entire video everything that one possession of is because of one person and one and only this individual that we're speaking about that is responsible this person is this person never attended Yeshiva this person that we are accrediting the entirety of the tire that we have today there's no man even Tyrone that we have today is all because of one woman let's explain we're speaking about it there's once an ordinary akiva's advanced in life he's an amarettes he's an ignoramus he's a simple Shepherd we all know who we're speaking about and he's pastoring the Sheep of his master a very wealthy prestigious master and you shall I am and this Akiva is minding his own business and he's noticed by kawasavua's Daughter and she sees him and she notices something about Akiva that Akiva is different than the than the other Shepherds there's something about his personality his countenance is illuminated with the nobility of intelligence what a Pity she thought that all of this latent Talent would lay dormant and this amharats she sees that Akiva has Sterling character that he's a diamond in the rough so she talks to him and she urges him and she says why don't you make something out of yourself why don't you become something now in those days to know Tyra it was a mark of aristocracy enamores would be consumed with envy and hatred to the Tamir Khan in fact was such a passion that he would say give me one of those guys I'm gonna bite him like a donkey that's how badly and all of a sudden there's this woman the daughter of his master and she's urging him to go join their ranks and go to the Yeshiva and he said what are you talking about and finally she promises him if you join the Yeshiva I will marry you and she said I agreed to marry on condition that you go to the Yeshiva and you learn for 12 years her father got word of this and he was so disappointed in her that he literally disowned her he took a vow he took a nether he would never give her a penny so Akiva goes to Yeshiva for 12 years and he's growing and he's learning and this idealistic woman remained an abject poverty and loneliness living in a barn sleeping under the horses at the end of 12 years he heads back to say hello to his wife and he overhears the well-known conversation of some old man who turns to her and says how long are you going to be such a fool he forsook you for 12 years you gotta drop this she said just listen to him for another 12 years that would be even better we keep business he does not even go and say hello he turns right around heads back to the Yeshiva for 12 more years returns a second time after 24 years and he's accompanied by 24 000 who would not forsake their ready an army of students an army of tamide I learned in yeshiva's time in America 400 tell me them one of the bigger yeshivas in America imagine 60 times the number of tell me them and they're all accompanying the rebbe and Ruby Akiva enters the city and she comes out to greet him her illustrious husband students have no idea who she is she tries to get word with him they push her away she they everybody says no baby Kiva says shall he Michelle it's all hers all of our Torah it's all of hers but then there was the war in Batar IUS destroyed Kamara says all 24 000 rabikiva students died foreign do you know how much Torah there was in the world at that point zero there was not even one time says then turned to five students five students in the south they restored the Torah all the Torah we have today it's all because of the five students if so we could say with all certainty and with all honesty decisively all the Torah we have today is because of one woman the wife of Rivia Kiva foreign the title would not exist because to teach ER I teach adults teach old men teach middle-aged men boys and Yeshiva sometimes even children and in my humble experience let me tell you what I find that if you see a young boy really learning well in Yeshiva or a man really getting into learning not always but a pretty significant percent of the time you know there's a mother or a wife who's behind them encouraging them assisting them giving them the courage giving them the the love giving them the support to be able to do it I teach in a coilover for seniors there's a guy there I don't know whether he learned in his middle age years and all of a sudden he retired he's becoming and I knew it was because of his life and I said why are you coming to the club he said my wife kicked me out of the house but it's not just that it's with in the right way the right encouragement with the right support a few years ago we had the cmashas maybe in a few more years we'll be the next one by the way is Ravi Levine here no so I don't know if the camera's working if it doesn't work we'll come back in and out we'll do it again you know how many people were at the CMS in America and MetLife Stadium I don't know 70 000 and then in other venues it's the blue light is blinking that's okay in America the blue light blinking is not a good sign it's good okay hope for the best yeah okay to say that over a hundred thousand people participated in the cmashas is an understatement what's the cmashas every day men around the world they all come together and they learn one page a day so let's let's investigate when did CM Hot Shots begin when did that fioni begin did it start in Bothell with the Advent of talmad babli did it start in the times of Rashi in the times of tysis and the times of the village like who started the dafyami yomi is an infant of an idea a few days ago was the outside of Mayor Shapiro's he's a man who lived in the 20th century they're people alive today who remember of Mayor Shapiro one man had one idea that let's get the whole world together look at Claudia's world together and all the men will learn the same page every day look what one man did look what one man accomplished you know how many thousands and thousands and thousands of hours of learning have become a reality because of the idea of one man a man who lived in our times they're people who remember him but it's a mistake to think that it's all of Mayor Shapiro you know who gave Ramirez Shapiro the idea of Daffy Army you know where it came from when mayoral Shapiro was nine years old his parents hired a malama to teach her a tutor to come learn with little mayor Shapiro and the Malamute was supposed to come immediately after pesach and somehow there's a miscommunication and the day after pesach when the malamide was supposed to start the malame didn't show he started the next day so for one day mayor Shapiro didn't learn that night he walks into the kitchen and he sees his mother crying he sees Mrs Shapiro crying and he turned to his mother he said Mama why are you crying and she said mayoral you wasted a day Air Force dating learning you don't know what it means a day of learning but mayor Shapiro was the father of the dafyami but his mother was the mother of the Daffy I mean from one comment that one mother made to her child a hundred years ago thousands and thousands and thousands of black gamara haven't learned your Feinstein in the newest edition of Legos Maisha comes to present the Toyota Israel we all know the password imagine that's like a banner Posse again I was never there but I imagine you've heard that before telling much to come to the women for first what they're going to be Russia learning shots and post him what's koi soy Malibu it all starts with them if they're on board if they're supportive then we have something going then we could get something done if they're not on board don't even bother s Israel let me tell you a story 20 years ago 20 years ago Nevada's wife passed away and they were Spades in America and one of the rabbanim told over the following story about the ishidoc how was made so if you ever saw pictures of rubber bad guys a young man he was an exceptionally handsome young man and one day Italian comes to his Yeshiva and the time says look I have a very uh bright daughter a malumedes she needs a town you have a Thomas for me for my daughter and the Russia said I have one boy he's Head and Shoulders Above the Rest Joseph I'm gonna go I'm gonna propose the idea to him tell your daughter tomorrow night get dressed up a value yourself will be coming over so the next night eight o'clock yourself Max on the door and the father answers the door and they start such a pleasant conversation and this young man is such a pleasant conversationalist and they're talking talking talking talking talking talking and it's eight o'clock nine o'clock ten o'clock eleven o'clock 11 30 at night the poor girl is still sitting in the other room and the father looks at his life the night is over you can't take around now do me a favor take her out tomorrow night he goes to the door what happened what's wrong with you he came yeah so so what happened I'm so sorry we got into this conversation and it was so pleasant he's really a great guy yeah but does he care about the fact that he's going out with me and now with you uh we got caught up give him another chance okay so till the next night she gets dressed up again and she tells themselves you know so just don't talk to him and uh again he comes in and they're talking talking talking talking talking talking eight o'clock nine o'clock ten o'clock eleven o'clock it's one o'clock in the morning if I did the same thing the poor girl she the father comes in she's sleeping on the table but he the father says this is the right boy for you she says I don't think so she's not enough of amends to at least acknowledge the fact that I'm waiting for him I'm not interested the father says no you don't know you're missing out on he's he's awesomely Godless she said no way also the guy with Godless like that so the father said come on give him a shot give him a chance so he says look don't say a word you put out the cake you put out the Diet Coke and that's it don't say a word so the next night the third night he walks into the house and they both make him a zionists and the father is being like anti-social and the father doesn't make a brother and they get into a whole conversation talking talking talking eight o'clock nine o'clock ten o'clock eleven o'clock thank you and he tells the boy I love you but I don't think this is gonna work out let me ask my daughter and the girl says I don't want to look at him he's not a mensch what is this he knows I'm waiting for him he knows that that he's coming out to to go out with me why didn't he even acknowledge my present forget it and he begged her and he begged her and he begged her and he begged her and she said no not interested night he knocks on the door again and the father said I'm really sorry I've been begging her I know is a no she's not interested she didn't get dressed up she's not wearing her makeup she will not go out with you what what's wrong the father was embarrassed to say you know she doesn't think you're a mensch I understand like this give me one minute with her that's all I need so he walks into the room a minute later they both come out Mazel Tov Mazel told him they're engaged so the father asked him what did you take what did you say to her how did you convince her I'd say when I hear the story when I heard this story I broke out into tears he told the you know what I told her I told her you give me Island that's what marriage is marriage is not romance romance is not real it's a figment of the corrupt imagination of the media marriage is about sacrifice for the bottom line we were both spouses have their eye on oil and if you have your eye on the goal and the destination that is the ingredient for successful marriage a successful house and successful children in life following in light of what we just mentioned let's try to explain a little further a few thousand songs the most important song composed was what hashiram and amazingly shiram almost did not make it it was never canonized to the point where the militia says hey that sheer hashiram according to many tanoim does not have the same amount of kadusha as the other books of Tanakh it is which means as follows it's a technical term it means that the common were afraid that since the case were taught where kadash if you would keep it next to truma what would happen is the mice would come eat the chuma and eat these scriptures so therefore the said that make you tame this way you won't keep it near truma but say the tanon that's the other 23 books but Shira Hashim is not really kadash since it's not really kadosh it will not render anything Tommy comes stood up in the basement declared nobody ever undermined the sanctity of shirashirim in the world is not worthy of the day shirachiam was given hashiramesh ire all songs are holy there are 10 songs in Tanakh Shir hashiram is the holiest of all songs hear what's going on in this mishnah sometimesh and ravikiva says what a polarized like us that sometimes it's not even holy shall not be part of Tanakh and Ruby Akiva says it's the holiest of all the songs how do we account for such a disparate and even more why was it is the only Tana who understood the value and the kadusha of shirashiram should I start over okay so let's explain the following what is what is it a book about social is a song in the form of a drama and the two main personalities are a young woman and her son her beloved the young woman the kala Israel Claudia Israel who is her beloved who is the Hassan riba in God himself and shiram is really Allah describing the great love between Claudius Royal Hashem and indeed any book that talks about the love between Claudius Kardashian however many were of the opinion the love between kennesis but nevertheless the Marshall the allegory the parable that is used to describe this love the muscle that this love is couched and cloaked in the love between a husband and wife that's a physical relationship an Earthly relationship that downgrades and secularizes the lofty concept of the love Hashem and Israel and therefore in their opinion yes the nimshallah but the martial is not really Kadesh take it out of the Torah said no you don't understand what marriage is understood marriage and it's ideal form that it's not just a physical relationship the Ava between husband and wife is the greatest Catalyst and inspiration for growth in Torah you're a shame experienced firsthand and a husband and a wife is not profane and secular it is because all the Torah we have today Akiva motherhood it is very difficult for many women many women they go to high school they went to high school through the years of Seminary they worked on Fila they connected and it was a real avoid those should believe it's not like men men you know they shop a minion they run in they run out yes concentration not concentration for a woman feel it could be a real avoid of Chevrolets and then Hashem marriage comes and children come and then getting to show could be a very big challenge and sometimes women are not able to go to show and not able to continue to go to shiram and sometimes it's emotionally very difficult to maintain the connection it's Rosh Hashanah it's Yom Kippur so the man is sitting in Shoal and he has a Talus cup and he's sitting with his Kittle and he's all David tahara and the woman's at home and she has the mouths are but very often she doesn't get to the master because she's reading Sesame Street he's wrapped in the talus he's connecting to the shamayim and she's teaching about Cookie Monster changing diapers it's a big Nissan it's a big challenge but what's the right way to look at it we all know that we're in this world to do the Russian Hashem if you think about it clearly who wants the man to go to school wants a man to have cavana for his Felice to connect to be misspell to cry to think about the meaning of the words David with intensity who knows if the man is really fulfilling the Ranson of Hashem is he really dominating properly is he really putting in the proper Cabana can the man walk out of Shoal and say yes I was mamale the sign of Hashem very hard to know with certainty but what is Revenge someone from her the rebutter someone wants her to care for her children when Rosh Hashanah is over she knows with certainty she was Hashem and I think and I have a strong feeling that the woman is doing a much better job fulfilling the Russian of Hashem than the man is doing that's what the gemara says explain that that means that women are more likely to get than men are because the woman's heart and her nature lends itself to her tough kid more than the nature of a man lends itself to his tough kid let me tell you something very important and it's very difficult to say but it has to be said we live in very challenging times where the soft feminine Touch of a mother is challenged it's being undermined in the world that's seen as a sign of weakness the world wants to empower women and the Orthodox world is being accused of looking down on women shackling them sending them back to the Dark Ages and you even hear from some so-called Orthodox people equal rights in terms of from kite and obviously in our circles we don't pay attention to this but it's important to be able to address it because deep down it's a challenge that everybody faces but you have to know with absolute conviction that whatever you're hearing from the outside world it's the exact opposite the secular world is not looking to liberate women they're looking to Shackle women the desire for equality cleaning insult to the Dignity of a woman you know why they do this you know why they're searching for equality because they're looking to undermine the single most noble occupation that exists in this world the secular world is out to destroy motherhood and by destroying motherhood what they're doing is they're destroying the esteem and the identity of a woman and now women are left reeling searching who am I what is my identity but according to the Torah it's just the opposite the Torah takes motherhood and puts it on the highest pedestal the Torah takes motherhood and says the entire Tyra stands on the generation of the righteous women thank you who created the dafyami we'll speak about this in a little bit with the sither of his mother the tear drenched sither of his mother said this sinner is what made me you know how many demise my mother shed so that I could be uh three Partners in a person who who gives us our nashama a father with a father contributes says the gemara the loiven the LIE then what's the life then the living is the white the bones that means the technical ability the father gives the child the technical ability but says the gemara the mother gives the red the dam the heart the emotion the identity of the child the mother creates the child to the mother the child is the entire universe you ever see the difference between the way and the father gives the kids a bath so the father takes the shampoo plops it on the kid's head then you know it's not coming up so you take a bucket of water and you pour it on the kid's head and the kids cry why are you crying it's no tear shampoo but the mother gently leans the kids head back puts the shampoo on gently rinses it is my father's smart enough to do in a way that the mother will never ask him again the Father the kid realizes the kid is the entire world to the father but the mother has the ability to make the kid feel that they are the center of the universe when the kid goes out into the world they'll realize they're not the center the universal though for some it takes a little bit longer in the mother's home the mother has the ability to make the child feel that it's the center of the universe say you know who I am bring some I am your servant the son of your handmaid does not credit his father because David recognizes that you know who produced me you know who's responsible for my greatness my devices but let's take it a little bit deeper the reason reveals us an incredible story that Rizal says that at the end of yeshi's life before David was born yishai started to question himself maybe really he's not a kosher Jew maybe Russ his grandmother who came from mayav was not mother to marry into the main body of the Jewish people and therefore yishai sent his wife away and ishai decided he's going to marry his maidservant his maidservant would then have a child who would be an avid yes I would free the evide and the child would be a kosher Jew this is found in the Ariza it's found in the reshining the maidservant did not feel comfortable about this and she told the wife of ishai and she switched places with yishai's wife it was the mid-servant and really it was his life a few months later his wife is expecting She's accused of being mizana and yisha decided not to tell anybody because it wouldn't be good for his children when dovid was born that child was David they ask and he's a mama they took double and they threw him out the window to the dogs says my brother said it's a well-known story if you've never heard it before I could show you the sources possibly the day he became the king of the Jewish people and his whole life his brothers his family said Mama but says the medrish David's mother held him in her arms and rocked him and whispered in his ear Achim you're pure my son you're holy from the womb you're gonna be great one day she gave him the confidence she imbued him with the security that he will come close to Hashem and every Jewish kid boy and girl needs the mother to whisper in their ear taharata you're pure kadosha you're a hey like a yingala you're a halogameda you're gonna be something one day you're gonna be Ani I know someone today in America he's a big ask and he's a famous activist in the karate world as a kid he was a terrible student terrible student he had what is called you know ADD ADHD and all those other things Ted that his mother would tell him look school's not your thing doesn't have to be your thing you're not good in school you're going to be great out of school you're going to be great out of school don't pay attention to your teachers don't pay attention to your friends it's not all about school you're gonna be great at a school and you know what he is great today out of school and that is and if you look throughout safer malachim all the kings of Marcus May started are traced by the lineage of their mother s after their mother because the mouth realized that the primary influence in their lives was the influence of their mother and the confidence that their mothers instilled in them to the point where khazal say that there was a unique custom among the malchus based David that in every throne room of the Marcus they started sitting next to the throne of the melach was what is called kise put a throne next to them for their mother because they all realized that it was a that it's the mother that gives the blood the identity and the confidence and then we do have an obligation in our own homes and in our own hearts and Minds to set aside that figurative throne for our mothers who've given us the confidence and given us the inspiration to get where we need to get but it's so sad there to have good children flying back to America very soon I can't tell you but let me share with you the most important Asa if somebody kills besheig in the times of Ghazal when they were living in narut Israel they would have to go to an army Cloud a City of Refuge and they would remain in the City of Refuge thank God I have to do this because this hooligan killed somebody it's not even his fault it's not he's a good guy he killed the show gig why does he have to go into the array McLaren until the is basically says fault why is it kind of fault because should have divined that under his auspices nobody makes any mistakes and nobody does anything wrong foreign that nobody accidentally turns on a gun and shoots somebody by accident it says that nobody kills but why is it the client got those problem says revolva we learned from this Gamora that if you're in a position of authority and there are people under you that you're responsible for responsibility requires that you dive in for them that they're successful and they they don't make a mistake says for Claudia Israel then Allah the most important obligation of a parent of a father and a mother is to dive in for their children that says revolba yes we'll all go to classes and we'll all hear various stratagems and advice and techniques how to deal with our children if you have any good ones please let me know but the ultimate advice and the most important ingredient in successful children is Fila Fila Fila you can't stop diving you know the riskarova was one sitting around the table and or should Shiva walked in and this Rush of Shiva unfortunately lost the number of his children to some of the isms of the time communism was sitting around the table and all of his boys were surrounding the table speaking and learning with him and the rosh hashiva turned to the riskarov how do you do it what did you do what's your Technique says the risker of technique in raising children there are no techniques in raising children all there is are tears and Felice says the briskarov never in my entire life did I ever dub in a dry-eyed every schmeiner s-ray I ever dived and I was youngerated demise that my children should be God-fearing Jews and that's why they are the way you see them today said most parents when they Rock their children to sleep at night they sing ridiculous songs about people rolling down a hill and breaking their heads open what's wrong with them says a briskarov when I rock my children to sleep I misspelled that they grow up with your Middle East thank you learning as well I visited a certain static names of Zuckerman one of the last time was once interviewed he said look you know the time was a great man but there were a lot of Great Men alive in the times apart from the rest of the generation in what way why was he on a higher madrigan than the rest of the generation and repsuckerman thought and he thought and he said you know why it was his mother's Felice the prayers when do you dive in at what intervals the whole day while you're cooking while you're cleaning while you're tanking your kids to school there's no exact formula the entire it's a never-ending processaro there are specific intervals though that are more massago for I know when you saying if you get a chance to save in the words those are considered the most opportune times but it's not relegated to any specific juncture it's a never-ending process and even if your child is 10 15 20 married grandchildren your job has not ended the kid needs Fila he could be 70 years old the kid still needs your Fila One Last Story they came to the stipler they came to the stipler for advice in raising children sniper says there's no advice all there is is Fila you see my little mole I dive in every day that hayamo should be a yorishaimo was already a grandfather 55 years old laughs so we're almost follow that the revolution should give us the wisdom to deal with our children properly and with and techniques are important and strategy is important and I'm not undermining it and maybe on a different occasion but the bottom line is the most important ingredient is Fila so we hope Hashem gives us the wisdom to realize how much we need to be misspell and he gives us the to be misspello in the correct way and we are missing please accept my humble bracha everyone here should have tremendous from all of your families from all of your children and grandchildren and those awaiting families in America you Molly has some conversations thank you so much for listening you've just experienced another Torah class brought to you byctoranytime.com