78: Why He Made Us Different

hi this is Deborah Orlowski and welcome to the rabbi Olaf's Keisha and whether you're watching with our friends over at already time whatever you watch or listen to your podcast was so glad to have you along for the experience and this week is something of a special week you know my father's yard site was last week this week is my mother's your type and I decided to take the sponsorship for myself and so I'm dedicating the podcast this week in memory of my mother sir Mira bossy shy Yahoo no son that should be a Dahlia for neshama she would have enjoyed the podcast I'm Anna this is early her third yard site so uh she she missed this but there's no question that she would really enjoy this and she was a very special lady my father was a speaker he was the it was the president of the Brooklyn Chamber of Commerce he was a florist but my mother she had a laugh that when she would laugh everybody left alone and there was just something there was something sobha simcha about her that people just they just loved it and from all walks of life she had a really special gift so so it inspired me this week to speak a little bit I'll tie it into the posture first because you know it's an amazing thing that mutton Tara the giving of the Torah is really the story is divided in between two partyís parshas his fro and then at the end of partial mesh bottom it comes in again and the idea of Matt and Tyra or Cibola cetera which are two terms that we use the giving of the Torah or the receiving of the Torah are particularly significant because obviously we were Makabe the Torah the Turkish burro had to be Matt and Tyra he gave the Torah and we receive the Torah so there's a an integral relationship over there between giving and receiving so there are many many Cazale expressions in Talmudic and majestic literature that compare the giving of the Torah to a Hoopa to a marriage in that role and and that's the sheer share of the book The Song of Songs which some are Melek wrote the relationship being described is between us and Irish bar oh ho God being so to speak the man and the Jewish people being the woman in the relationship now in English this what they call a neuter term you can't say it you can have terms that are not necessarily masculine or feminine a door a chair these things aren't masculine and feminine and there are no particular verbs to indicate that it's a masculine or feminine and some languages including Hebrew everything is masculine and feminine there is nothing that's neuter so in English you can talk about the ship being a she hurricanes used to be a she and then they felt that was politically incorrect so now they switch off names and hurricanes between men and women it was a time that all hurricanes were named only for women yeah but ships are still considered more or less a female and and there's different kind of terms in English but but most things are neuter a chair a table a door and Hebrew everything is even masculine or feminine because in Jewish thought I could borrow who created the entire world masculine and feminine there's a masculine form of evil and a feminine form of evil and this is indicated by what we call the sat on he has his own name in Hebrew and then there's a female force of evil she also has a name and even evil is divided up between male and female how could his borrow who it's a strange idea but he can be expressed in both male and female terms amazing nakta sha yeah there's a there's a feminine and that's the idea of the screen up you know Hebrew you know the comments hey at the end is is feminine so a coach Baruch Hashem little Kim Chuck I all these things you know we usually speak about it in terms of male but there's also the concept of the Serena Molina is somehow a female understanding coach problem so of course the Korea Park was neither male nor female yeah I was I was in question answer panel once and this woman says well if there is a God I imagine she could do whatever she wants I said I imagine she could so she did a double-take I thought you thought God is a man I said what do you mean like long white beard you know sticking some sheep you know yeah and load the moose a good he didn't have any body is there any physical form he's no more male than he is female than he is anything else so what's the concept of the male and the female in this instance so when we say that everything in the world is created male or female what it means is everything plays a role and that role is a mush beer or amicable something that is giving and something that is receiving a Kurdish burro who is giving us the Torah Matan Torah so he's the Hassan he's the groom in this wedding p'nay shows the Makabe they're receiving so they're the female on this instance now I was I was doing a question answer many years ago and someone said there's no differences between men and women and I said no difference they said yeah no difference I said take a look around the room and see if you can find I don't know any differences any difference so she said okay physical differences I said okay physical differences you think that physical differences don't make a difference in the makeup of a person I'll give you a simple example the fact that women have a process wherein they bleed on a regular basis that changes your attitude in many ways the hormones that are being released has to change the way that you're thinking there was a professor from Harvard professor Gilligan and I remember reading an article in The New York Times magazine back in the 80s and she said whenever she goes in and presents a paper it's like a shootout at the OK Corral people are very angry at her because she's bringing a scientific data to establish the fact that there are differences physically and as such psychologically between men and women we no one is stronger with the left side of the brain and one is stronger with the right side of the brain these are facts but it's an uncomfortable truth there was a woman in England who got fired from her position because she suggested that there was a difference between men and women this is heresy you're not even allowed to suggest it it's it's led to some pretty ridiculous things that that we you know the society that wants to erase all differences are starting to encounter a problem for example for the most part and of course there are exceptions but for the most part I would say over 90% men are stronger than women just fact it's a fact so a man comes along and says I self-identify as a woman maybe he dresses like a woman maybe he thinks he's a woman and then he enters into the women's sports contest and he wins all the awards because he's a man he could pretend that he's a woman but he's really a man the reason there are separate sports for men and women is because we understand it's not fair to compare a man to a woman because they have different physical abilities so comes along a man and says no no I'm really a woman and then he enters into the contest and then he beats all the women because the whole reason there was woman sports is to make it equal for women there were men competing against women men most of the time will win because physically men are stronger that's the fact there's exceptions of course there's exceptions one the woman Supergirl but for the most part this is and I was speaking in general terms yeah that's the way it works the problem is we live in a society today where to say that I am the matcom Belle is something that's been everybody wants to be much for you everybody wants to be the one who goes out and does to put it in terms of the morale there's a surah and a claimer there's a forum and then there's the material that takes on that form so the man is usually described as the Torah and the woman is the Homer and so people are insulted I want to be the sewer but your instead if you have two sewers you're not gonna happen in order for something to be no saying there has to be something that's Mikado so when a person says to me there's no differences and I say look around the room so let's take the easiest way to define the difference between men and women the easiest and that is of course when it comes to grading new life so the man makes an external contribution the woman internalizes that and turns it into a child that's how it works and that's why everybody knows this one they say it over at every Sheva braavos or sometimes under the chuppah was sometimes at the Vaart at some point somebody says this and if you don't the marriage might not even count yeah ish which is a word for man there's a good and yah doesn't have unit as a hey and if you take the yurt and you take the hay it makes God's name okay what's good you'd represent shamayim know your is the only letter that doesn't touch the line it floats in midair that's why it's Shamai emits the heavens all right it's up there the he bar um says the puss ik when God made the world the he bar um say the hey bum this one was created with the letter hei and so hey represents this world so the name of Hashem good and hey is ksham I'm for 'its joining together that of course took place in the base of Macduff and that's where Shimon forits meets and that's why the Gemara in yuma says that may look decorated the base of McNish with pictures of couples embracing don't try this in your synagogue even if it's relatively liberal because it doesn't go over so well today but benefited in the base I'm Nick - why because he understood that the shamayim which is the urine and the orit's which is the hay which by the way numerically equals 15 and there's 15 steps going up to the base of Mick - that you'd and that hay coming together is that male-female relationship the giving and the receiving the ROM bond explains why is the whole building of the Michigan and safer schmoes which is the book of you'd see a Smith's rhyme of the Exodus he says because the whole purpose of taking us out of Egypt was to bring us to har Sinai and get the Torah and the Mishkan is a traveling horsie night and har Sinai acaba who comes down for Matt and Tyra and the Jewish people are there to be Makabe Torah to receive the Torah there's a giving and is receiving and that process goes on at the base of Nick - the giving and the receiving from the heavens come down the chef's I owe the blessing to the base of Nick - and from the base of Nick - it goes out to the entire world from the base of mikdash it shines out that's why it says when amela built the base of Nick - he built the windows countered - the way we normally build a window in a wall I imagine a skylight so you make a skylight going out so that the light diffuses inside of the house and so - when you make a window in a wall you make it this way that the light comes in and spreads out but the windows in the face of McNish went like this because what was inside of the base emic - inside of the temple needed to be spread throughout the world that light had to be given out every place else so it comes down this is a Madonna Matan toy our Martin Schaffer whatever you want to call it there and then there's a cabal it's received and give now so that Sherman virus now how does Sherman virus interact heaven and earth the heavens send down the rain the earth takes in the rain the rain and uses it to produce life and the water is absorbed into the earth I've done from out of the earth things grow that is the male/female relationship that's the Shema and virus that's the your MA comes down and it makes an external contribution that walks away Noah we ask you who's more important in that process all right Jemima the arts okay so the Shipman gives the rain and the clouds move on in someplace else and later things grow out of the earth it was an external contribution that external contribution allowed it to exist but it just made its contribution and moved on the earth did all the work a man in the process of creating a child makes an external contribution and the woman turns out into a baby inside of her and then out comes the baby for nine months the mother is carrying that child providing it but okay it needs that contribution from the father that's the father and the mother the father gives it and the mother takes that and turns it into something you take that little strip of DNA and then we got to turn those into arms and into legs and into internal organs and skin and eyes and hearing all of that kind of stuff so who's more important so it's kind of it's a kind of silly question because one without the other cannot exist Oh who's more important but everybody wants to go and do something yeah Erma Bombeck was a humorist so she wrote in one of her books that she was staying home taking care for children and everyone said you're not fulfilled because you don't have a job so she drops her kid off at a neighbor who has a little you know like sort of a daycare I guess at home you call it you know playgroup and that she got a job and a daycare center with a woman who ran the playgroup sent her a child so she said if we both stayed home and took care of our own children were not fulfilled but if we take care of each other's child and suddenly we both have Korea's an interesting kind of an observation yeah I once heard represent hella say if you ask somebody who's the most powerful person in the world they'll tell you the president I states if you ask someone who's had the greatest impact on your life they'll tell you their mother so who's more important and the grand scheme of things so your mother she can't start nuclear war there were times you come home and you're in trouble and you feel like she can start a nuclear war but she really doesn't have access to the to the nuclear codes actually launching the dad get but in real terms but we turn Makabe that's our the entire Jewish people at harnessing I played the role of the woman because we were the mikado and everything in this world is either Mafia or Mikado it's either giving or it's receiving that's just the way the code is burrow who set up the world nothing is there to exist independent everything is giving and receiving that's the way it's supposed to set up and and make no mistake about it a Kurdish particle could have created us with the ability to to just put half have another one you didn't need a man and woman to be able to have more children and I works for the paramecium's yeah alright we need another one just split in half and then you say oh look looks just like me sure does it's great literally you just split nan that's not what the baby it's supposed to be two people joining together to be able to create something new and one's giving and ones receiving and through that process I had a poster I had once when I used to run in csy I remember where I got it from was on my wall it said lead follow or get out of the way because someone's got a lead and someone's got to follow the Gemara says that there were these bad people in Eliyahu I know he gave them Abraha you should have many leaders and later he explained because that's the best way to destroy people you have many leaders you have one leader so everyone goes in the same direction you have lots of leaders this one's pulling here this one's pulling here this one's going there and you end up with chaos pandemonium everything falls apart you need somebody who's going to be there to provide that sewer and that's the promise today that everybody wants to be the tour everybody wants to be the one who feels like I'm in charge and I make the decisions and hyemi I am in charge of everything that's not the way it's supposed to work that's not the way a coach broeckel created the world is a giving and is receiving of rebbe gives and the Talmud receives that's a male-female relationship there's a this and everybody feels like you know if I'm if I'm in the support role I'm in a secondary role not important my my mother was Muhammad my father so tremendously so tremendously and she would always tell us don't talk to your father that way all the time there was a yeah my mother didn't mind so much of Utica liberties with her you know that's why the it says you know the natural function of the world is that we tend to be more afraid of our father we tend to love our mother more Jonathan rosenbloom he said once when he was sitting Shiva he says when you lose your father you lose the person who is your anchor in the world the one who leads you the one who yeah I said a little different I said as long as you have a father you can be a kid now once you lose your father you have to become the father I may have told the story my father passed away on Shabbos and so the Levias on Sunday and we were supposed to get up on Shabbos Shabbos your going into it and my nephew is having a Bar Mitzvah then my family was all going to the Bar Mitzvah and my mother said I'm that up to it I lost your father we were married almost 50 years you know I can't go I said I'll stay with you mom now my father was very mocked bit on his covered he took it very seriously yeah he had this little pet expression I won't say it in his exact Russian because you know love from the key and everything but he had an expression saying I'm your father you know that's somebody on the street you don't talk to me that way and we did not know is that it was a sense he's my father and and you never sat in his seat how logically you can't but sometimes could be Michael my father was not like that that was that this kid was visiting me my father comes in from work and he's sitting in my father's chair watching you know TV you know so my parents come in they didn't know he was gonna be there it's like from California's like ah if I says get out of my chair it was very magnet madness he had this special kala board that he always used as long as I can remember in this collar cover with his name I didn't used it last Shabbos yeah he has his kiddush cup it was his kiddush cup Mo's and that Shabbos everyone away it was just me and my mom and my mom set up my father's challah board and his kiddush cup in his spot and pointed to me and said make kiddush and for the first time in my life I said in my father's seat I mean I I want you to appreciate this I'm one of six boys and it was very hard to maintain the house so my parents eventually fixed up the living room this was an adult room they put that special carpeting they had this special couches they had everything was set up we weren't allowed to walk into the living room you walked into the foyer and if you had to get to the dining room which was over there you walk through the entire house you didn't walk across living room and if there was an emergency I know like a fire or something and you had to go across there was a plastic runner there what's the carpet the first time I sat on the couches in the living room is when I got engaged because my wife would buy it but my mother invited my my wife-to-be into the living room so I was allowed to sit there sit my father's seat and that's why I would describe it for people that when you lose your father it's it's it's somewhat bittersweet because you lost your father but now you have to become your father and the older I get the easier it becomes because I walk around going oh yeah [Laughter] I'm losing my memory my here is going Bush em but when you but with John the visible said is he says when you lose your mother you lose the person who loved you the most in this world you hear the expression the face only a mother could love yeah I remember my mother said to me once does he have to my father passed away cuz my father would never have said this she says he's his son you can do anything you want and I said I'm too old to believe that anymore I can do some things better than most people but I can't do anything I just turned 61 and I'm realizing that my chances of becoming a major league baseball player has become much smaller with the passing of years they were never too high to start with you know I'm not gonna do everything I could do some things I can do some things better than most people I don't know if I can do things better than everybody there are times when I used to vote on speaking and they would introduce me as as the funniest rabbit in the world I remember this I think this is used to really annoy relationship guru because I think he really felt he was the funniest they had a post up for me once in London or if my she was there you know so somebody spoke to him about me joining one of the she says you know I'm a friend of talansky goes kid qingxue funniest rabbi in the world so one time somebody said to me are you the fight he's driving the world and I said no I think my friend Robert yyy Rubinstein is funnier than I am and Robbie why wife has never disagreed with me on that evaluation but that doesn't mean that I'm not funny you know I have certain I certain things I can do better than most people but I can do anything that's what my mom thought and my mom was happy to follow my father's lead that doesn't mean she thought my father was right all the time sometimes the two of them would go into their room and shut the door you know and work out whatever particular issues had to be worked out but you know but in front of us yeah you don't know you with your father whatever your father says that must be the hollow and my father was mahabad my mother tremendously and they would say yeah your mother is so good to me what she's done now she's everything what I used to teach and for beginners and like I say this is robot and today to suggest that there's actually differences between men and women I would always say this is a value free zone I'm not trying to sell you anything I want to just explain to you from the Taurus point of view why this men and why there are women if there is an all-powerful all-knowing God who created us he could have made us all the same if he made us different and we definitely have different physical makeups and because of the various hormones and us there's definitely a difference in the way that we think and react we're told that there's also a difference in our spiritual fulfillment and so when a man tries to be a woman and a woman tries to be a man the two of them are not gonna be able to find their truest fulfillment because baroque will created us who we are but Maya Shapiro once said you had to make men and women different because only a left hand and a right hand can embrace two left hands can't it's the it's the differences that fit together to be able to make us into people and so we come to Martin Tyra it's in terms of a marriage coach Miroku has the role of the father and we have the role of the mother the co hain is bringing the hush bought from her cottage borough who the the power in the bracha and he's giving it out to us and we're receiving it from them and that's how all of life is set up and that's how well if nature is set up and so that Shimane Barretts that's men and women that's Matt and Tyra that's the base of Mick - that's everything that we find in this world men are men and women are women vive la différence Hashem and the more a person tries to embrace who they are it's been able to receive that women have more of an internal power than men do men are more external that's why we take fillin and we write remember Hashem oh we've tie it on our head and we tie it on our on remember remember we put on a yarmulke remember we have to do external things we get together in a group and we all scream yehey sh'mey raba you know group sports you know you learn to feel if I'm Tana she walks into the basin mikdash or into the Mishkan she speaks no sound comes out she reaches into herself a car via Bokashi says Rashi my bow that's might feel of why cuz the more you pull it back the more you pull it inside the further it goes women have more of an internal power men are more external or to use a Marshall 1977 this film came out that was somewhat popular was called Star Wars and and in it this guy Han Solo he's he's a guy he has a blaster and he goes and shoots things but Luke he has the force inside of him and his rebel be when Kenobi keeps telling him you use the force and when he reaches inside of himself [Music] he could do so much more it's by reaching inside of himself and if he tries using a blaster and you becoming external he's he's missing his internal power women who seek just to be able to externalize themselves I'm missing the inside of them look at coach Brock who created us how many times did I see my wife go like this and I said what's the matter goes the baby is kicking me there's somebody living inside of her the closest I can come to that is in digestion is then and sometimes you can even see you look and you can see the little foot his legs I'm a horror movie somebody is alive inside of me you understand when the baby is born she's already as his relationship with with the baby knows them already they're living inside of them squatters yes I told you this somebody says to me how good pushes very you tend to yell and scream Elias because I was born in BO and this was the end oh he's just trying to get out of there already you know but but but the the mother has this sense this intimate sense on the inside they sense things on the inside Menem or external so when a woman faces an externality you have a Jedi Knight instead of using the force using a blaster it's unfortunate hi the reason people aren't happy is because they don't understand where their strings like ain't similar Katara's has fakers there is no happiness like removing doubt and figuring out what reality is it's a sham what is Matt and Tyra it's the ultimate expression of truth and that was the purpose of the Michigan that you would go to the Michigan of the base of mikdash and you would experience a coach burrow hole and truth and the more that we tried to be true to ourselves the happier we will be and that's it for this week you want to find out more about the show you can go to my website reverie Orlovsky dot-com you had comments see my upcoming event schedule contact me directly you can sign up for my shoe online well I see you and you see me and we're a happy family yeah Duffy oh me and the social sharm we have two different groups someone on Sunday when I'm Monday if you'd like to sponsor an episode go to Royal ASCII calm slash sponsor and that's it my name is Deborah Lansky and this is the rebel ASCII show it's the rabbi overlaps the show Torah and simcha ready to go the rabbi Orlovsky show knowledge and wisdom will help you grow lots of fun in every episode of we don't have to ride [Music] it's the rabbi Orlovsky show arrival on skis.com go Ruffy anytime you to mourn its rabbi Orlovsky show Sorensen [Music] throughout my rollout ski show till it's time to repeat again grab my rollout ski show it's the Raval about ski show it's the Rabbi Orlovsky [Music]