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Three signs you're a cycle breaker. The
first two I think are pretty wellnown.
The third one might surprise some
people. First one is just awareness. By
awareness, what I mean is the ability to
tell your story. To be able to describe
what it was like growing up. How did it
affect you? What about it is something
that you don't want to replicate? the
ability to tell your story coherently
even to yourself and to understand where
you came from, who you came from, even
better, where they came from, and to see
it in a larger context where you can
sort of begin to appreciate that at some
point the dysfunction entered your
family line and at your point is where
you're putting an end to it. Second sign
you're a cycle breaker. This is an
unfortunate one but very common and
people are no doubt familiar with this
experience and that is you are going to
be labeled as the problem one. The
people who are still keeping the cycle
going who have a vested interest in
keeping the cycle going or who have not
yet reached that place in their own
growth where they have the ability to
step away from the cycle. They're going
to turn around and they're going to say
to you why are you being so difficult?
Now I want to make a very important
disclaimer. Not everybody who is thought
of by their family as being difficult is
an actual cycle breaker. Sometimes
they're just difficult. But every actual
cycle breaker is at some point almost
inevitably going to be thought of by
their family as being difficult. As long
as you know that what you're doing is
not punitive, god forbid. You are not
trying to exact vengeance, god forbid,
on anyone. It's not payback time, but
what you're doing is to preserve your
sanity and have a healthy, safe
environment for your family. If that's
your only motivation and you know your
motives are clear and clean, then yeah,
you're going to have to live with being
called the problem one. And here's the
third sign that you're a cycle breaker.
And this is the one I think is a little
bit surprising, but it's so important.
You are able to return to the scene of
the crime and not be triggered. What I
mean is, and this is a very lofty level,
not everyone is at this point yet in
their healing. Even people who have
begun to become cycle breakers are not
there yet. But it means you can go to
that family gathering. You can be around
that toxic person. You can be in their
vicinity and you can remain emotionally
autonomous. You don't get pulled into
their trap just because you're standing
near them or even allowing them to speak
to you. Yes, there are some people that
for the time being they need distance
because they're not yet strong enough
and establishing a new pattern. So, they
have to go away and do their own thing
for a while. But the ultimate goal is
that we can be around those people and
those systems and those places and
environments that used to pull us in and
we can just be present and without
anger, without resentment, refuse to
play the
