#25: Iggeres HaRamban (10 Minutes of Meaning) - Become Humble By Acting Humble

good morning Booker welcome back to 10 minutes of meeting please help yourself to Coffee slushies pastries and the lobby 10 minutes of meeting series is generally sponsored by sh mother we remember very we remain very indebted to the sh say we are making our way toer ran the ramban's letter that he wrote originally to his son but the ramban's letter as we keep mentioning that really he wrote to each and every one of us how to condition ourselves and accustom ourselves to always speak speak calmly and softly overcome anger eliminate anger don't eliminate anger by anger management don't manage your anger eliminate anger if you always speak softly and gently you'll never express and you'll never feel ultimately anger and in Lou instead what will come in its place another if anger is the most categorically bad and dangerous and damaging quality then another humility is the most categorically good and positive and positive quality we last left off the ran has been telling us and after all what's a person going to be arrogant about your wealth could disappear overnight your wisdom your brain your memory your analytic ability sadly we know those could disappear overnight your honor somebody could accuse you your honor you could be Dishonored it could disappear overnight Hashem elevates those who are low and Hashem can bring down those who feel high in themselves Everything is Everything is Everything and Everyone is equal before and therefore lower diminish your sense of self and instead Elevate hasem that's exactly what you see in our paraa Yosef who's languishing in prison Yosef was falsely accused Yosef who's been abandoned by his family Yosef now has an audience with the emperor of the world with parro and parro has heard about him that he knows how to interpret dreams and this is his chance this is his shot this is his way out and Par says I heard you're an excellent dream interpreter can I tell you my dream tell me what you think Yosef doesn't do what we'd expect or we would have coached him to do which is to say yeah I'm not bad yeah I'm pretty good I Prett pretty good track record new tell me your dream you know what yose says he says b it's not meim it's not me oh that oh that ability to interpret dreams that's un loan from Hashem he's the one who interprets I'm lucky that he uses me as the mouthpiece he uses me as his agent he uses me to communicate the interpretations of the dreams but it's not me B I die B I die and that's the attitude that ran is telling us that everybody should have whatever your profession whatever your hobby that you excel at someone comes up to you and says I heard you're the greatest surgeon you're the greatest doctor you're the greatest accountant you're the greatest lawyer I heard you're the greatest majan player you'd be the greatest fourth for our golf outing you'd be the greatest doubles partner in tennis say Bill you know thank God I've been lent some talents from above but Bill die it's not me it's not me Elohim Hashem has given me the ability to heal or to argue cases or to get you a good a good uh a good what do you call it to taxes what do you get a good rebate thank you see how a good rebate so B the general attitude has to be B it's not me it's not me it's the Reon now the continues so now me explain to you how to practice how can you carry yourself and practice theid of another to walk with it always interesting that word what form of the verb is that word it's h it's reflexive condition yourself to always walk with humility and modesty T it always all times and all places it's a very interesting thing that notion I would have expected the Raman to Say be humble be humble be humble change your thinking change your attitude and be humble you're not all that you're not God's gift to anything all of us eventually are going to be pushing up roses daisies whatever the expression is you're nothing special you're not that great so be humble but the ran doesn't say that he says the first step to humility is T act like you're humble and this is a very a very Torah attitude famously writes throughout his work in being Mona the Mitzvah and Counting the mitzvos he says after our actions our heart will follow we make the mistake in our time in our generation to think wait for inspiration and once you're inspired the actions will follow but the opposite is in fact the truth act like you're already there and the inspiration will catch up the inspiration will follow the way that you're acting science and research endorses this not that we need them to but they did studies and two populations one they gave a white coat and they told them you're painters and the other they gave a white coat and they said you're doctors and they measured the way people behaved what they thought of themselves how they conducted themselves and the people nothing wrong with being a painter and no offense there's nothing so great about being a doctor but in people's minds there's an attitude about what the profile of a doctor is versus a painter and simply simply by putting on by putting on that white coat depending which population you thought you were part of influenced the way people behaved how we dress influences how we how we behave how we behave and that's why there's the expression dress for the job that you want not the one that you have so the ran is coming along and telling his son listen maybe you're not there maybe you're not humble in your thoughts in your mind in your attitude in your perspective maybe you're not there yet being humble but you know what at least on the outside condition yourself transform yourself behave present yourself as if you're acting with humility because if we carry ourselves with humility which Ran's about to explain in our posture we don't have to be the loudest in every room we not to be the first in every conversation if we carry ourselves with humility we'll end up becoming humble don't wait to be humble to practice humility practice humility and you'll end up feeling humble it starts on the outside but this notion of carry Practice Act with understand it's a value and a virtue understand it's a goal and an ambition understand what a humble person looks like how they conduct themselves how they don't need to stand out how they're happy to fit in how they don't have to be the loudest in the room they're happy to blend in how they don't have to be the first to speak or speak the longest they're happy to have their turn I'll never forget during Corona I'd like to forget Corona but during Corona I was on several zooms with doctors and rabbis and huge pokim in order to help develop some some policies and was on those zooms and he would be quiet doctors would speak rabbis would speak other poim spoke until someone said what does rebi feel what does rebi think he waited he listened and he learned and he said I want to hear what everyone else has to say and that's a classic of Shar the humility to not feel he needs to be the authority he needs to be presented or it needs to people need to walk away that he was the most sort of he would sit on the zoom and until someone said how do you feel what do you think we should do what do you think we should do as a policy he would wait he would wait what does a humble person look like how do they act and then act like that when should you act like that the ran writes to his son how often should you write act like that t to act that way T it always and it occurs to me you know why because if you're only humble some of the time you're never humble if you're only humble some of the time you're never humble you know again I'm not judging anybody I'm observing and finding it humorous you ever talk to someone who tells you they're a vegetarian or a vegan most of the time occasionally I have a piece of meat occasionally I have a piece of fish I hate to break it to you then you're not a vegan or a vegetarian you can't be I'm married occasionally I'm not if you have a value certain values are all encompassing and part of your core identity if you believe in it firmly now that doesn't mean that people don't have moments they cheat I don't I don't mean in marriage talking about on your diet you say I'm on a diet I don't eat potato chips I don't eat traded Jo's corn chips that doesn't mean that late at night someone went to Trader Joe's they should not have brought that kryptonite into the house they did and they left it on the counter while you were most vulnerable I'm not talking about we don't have moments we don't have moments but a person who says I am most of the time isn't so a person who says I'm humble most of the time is never humble because humility is something and that's why the ran emphasiz it's something you have to do consistently T always it's hard it's hard sometimes you feel you have a lot more to say sometimes you feel you have a more a more a compelling position to share sometimes you feel there's a moment there's a need for for leadership but that's not arrogance we'll talk about the difference between self-confidence and arrogance difference between leadership is not the antithesis of humility can have very humble leaders who are expressing leadership you could have people acting with self-confidence you want your surgeon to be self-confident you don't want them to walk into the operating room and say I'm not so good I'm not so special nurse you want to give it a shot I could give it a shot I I don't really know you want your nurse to you want your doctor to walk in and say I got this Hashem you gave me tools Hashem you gave me skills gave me an education you gave me experience and if you're willing we've got this together let's do it let's do it with self-confidence self-confidence is not the opposite of of humility is not is not arrogance but the raan is telling his son it's not just a quality you should have in your head it's a quality that we need to exhibit and don't wait to be humble to exhibit humility exhibit humility and you'll end up finding yourself being more humble should be day I