114: Truly Living With Ein Od Milvado

okay good morning Boer to want to thank the boms Greta B for sponsoring uh this month in memory of her grandmother roas from dor should have Al we are still going through and we are in the middle of the essay V the idea that amuna is not a ideology or a philosophy amuna is not evidence or proven amuna is Aida a character trait and we live with it just like we try to acquire patience or generosity we also try to acquire the character trait of amuna of living a life in which we see Hashem everywhere involved and which we lean on him turn to him and so on R then developed the notion that whatever is more delicate and whatever is more precious is also often more fragile therefore requiring greater protection the less value something has so to say cheaper it is then the less protection it needs and therefore to live with Amun to live with faith in our lives to know that everything is for a reason is something which is not going to happen easily and doesn't come without effort or work but it tremend it takes tremendous toil it takes tremendous effort in order to consistently emphasize that amuna within within ourselves okay and lastly we left off last week I believe which um about technology realizing that uh he spoke about it's not an idea it's not Theory but really everything is about we see through technology that it's a metaphor for how to connect to hasem he doesn't spell it out R passed away before the uh proliferation of of Technology of Wi-Fi but the notion that we make a connection to something we can't see and you can have connection at different speeds and the ability to upload and to be able to download it's all a metaphor for living with hem the of living with hem okay so we're in the middle paragraph that little on line paragraph the middle of page because is so delicate it's so easy for it to become shattered it's so easy for it to break into into pieces it's so delicate it needs protection it needs mindfulness and conscientiousness we have to always keep cap we have to keep catching ourselves and in all circumstances stop and say it's okay it's what Hashem wants this is this is what's this is the way it's meant to be right now we have to remain very very Mindful and dedicated to it among our character traits of the Soul it's such a delicate and fragile one that we have to know what will reinforce amuna and what are will be the obstacles the impediments what is going to try to threaten our amuna we have to therefore embrace the things that will strengthen Aruna the people the ideas the messages the type of things that will strengthen Aruna and when we can identify the things that undermine our sense of amuna then we have to be aware of them so that we can avoid them we can manage them and so on so what does that mean so this is a transition into this next paragraph one of the character traits are qualities which is the biggest um contradiction to living a life of amuna of faith is GAA is arrogance is ego a person who has an inflated ego inflated sense of themselves an inflated sense of self-worth or self-importance an inflated sense of of their DEA that their opinion or the way they view the world or what they think should happen is more authoritative they think that it's more correct more right more just it should be listened to everyone else around them has to defer to them this character trait of GAA which says the world has to fall and step Hook Line and Sinker the way I want it to be I want there to be no traffic I want take off on time I want my children to behave I want my spouse to do exactly what I've asked them to do I want the people around me I want nature the natural order why is it raining I wanted it to be sunny today why is it sunny I needed rain in my backyard today a person who thinks that the world needs to meet their expectations the person who wakes up in the morning with a sense of entitlement that everything's going to happen the way I wanted to everyone around me is going to be healthy everyone around me is going to give me everybody everything in life is going to work my technology everything is going to happen that me that character trait of GAA that attitude of of of ey that ego is what is what is the biggest obstacle to living life of am because the almighty looks at us and says essentially look there's not enough room in the world for both of us if you want to be in charge no problem I'll step out I'll step out if you think it's all about you what you think it's supposed to be the way it's supposed to be if you think it's all about you that you deserve that you're entitled if you think that you're in charge and you are in control and you think I should defer to you I'm not competing the says I'm not competing I'm not going to try to shout louder than you somebody very close to me in my life while the normal uh communication method is when one is talking and another wants to be heard they just shout louder then the other one shout louder the other one shout louder is in the deible level then is just through the roof as everybody if you have a home full of particular gender then everybody is just trying to make themselves heard in life so they're out shouting the next to the decibal level so there's someone in our life who just won't compete so if everyone's shouting they just okay it doesn't have to be said so if you're humble then you don't compete to try to outshout so hashm says I'm not going to try to compete with you if your DEA if you think that your view if you think that your attitude if you think the way it's supposed to be should supersede mine I should defer to you I'm not going to compete with you I'm not going to outshout you Hashem says I'm out of here now what's the consequence of Hashem saying he's out of there when Hashem is involved in our life and we defer to him and he's in charge so so he has a Divine perspective and we have a very finite perspective he knows what's the right thing for us overall and we're trying to Grapple to figure out what's the right thing to do he is the one who controls the natural order and the elements and we are figuring out how to survive them fem says I'm out of here that means that we are now exposed we're now vulnerable to it so if there's a conflict or a contradiction between doing it our way or his way his way is probably the better way to go he's the omnipotent infinite creator of the universe and we are finite pathetic future uh nothingness so arrogance the sense of ego what's called in in mus anus anus is the sense of ego the Ani the eye is life filled with I is everything about I is everything about me the says what does it mean so mosha was telling the people I'm standing between you and God but the tell us to read it not I'm standing between you and God as an agent or as an intermediary but more of the Ani om that a sense of Ani a sense of I is standing between you and God you want to be close to God you want to cling to God you want to attach yourself to God then you need to sublimate your sense of ani the sense of I everything has to be my way my way the highway the way I drew it up that's the way to get close to God because if you have the sense of I that's out there not only in a relationship with hem it's in a relationship with everybody if you're asserting your ego it's very hard to form a relationship a meaningful relationship with anybody is a core um value or character trait within a person that feeling of existence is the sense of eye we're living in a time where we the opposite phenomenon too many people don't have any self-esteem any s worth any sense of eye you really have to be like the Three Bears you have to have just the right sense of eye too much eye you can't have any real relationships in your life you're going to drive the people around you and you're going to drive the Reon Shalom far away to little sense of I I exist I had value I have meaning I have worth I'm here for a reason I have a contribution to make if you don't feel that it's called mental illness it's Mental Health crisis of people who have no sense of self-worth no sense of being consequential no sense of value so yes that sense of existence that I'm here that I make a difference you believe in me I woke up this morning you believe in me I have a contribution to make in this world the world would be at a loss would be without me that sense of of of existence it's critical to our own our own mental health you have to you have to be alive we have to we have to believe but you can't assert it too much exactly like the two feelings that balance that's been quot in the name of many rebes that a person has to go through life carrying a little p a little note in each pocket one pocket it says I am dust I am nothing I'm gourn and the other pocket says the whole world was created just for me and when you're feeling love low and insignificant and inconsequential and invisible you remind yourself the whole world God says was worth creating just for you and if you're feeling the whole world was created just for me then you take out the other note that says I am gour I am nothing a person who's Too Proud arrogant says to themselves everything around me belongs to me it belongs to me and I'm in charge of everything everything ised to operate the way I want I'm in charge I'm in control from the time a child can walk they already begin to feel a sense of eye from the moment you build your first set of Lego you think I'm the Builder I make Lego who was my sibling to step on it to crush it to break it they destroyed my world that's not the way it was supposed to go I wanted this Lego to last so the first time that you could build Lego which is at a very young age you already feel I build I control I organize it's it's really it's what I want and he sees the entire world through his glasses mean a baby start even before you could build Lego the B baby's the most egocentric the most egocentric part of human life is by being a newborn baby you cry you need to be held you need a diaper change you're hungry it's the middle of the night you don't care about anyone around you if your if you're 15-year-old knocked on your door at 3:00 a.m. and said I'm really hungry there's nothing to eat you'll have a very different reaction than if you are 3 week old cries in the middle of the night and through that cry is saying I'm hungry and I have nothing to eat because at 3 months old that level of maturity we expect the baby who's not yet cognitively matured to at 3:00 a.m. say through crying I'm hungry I want some to eat the 15-year-old is still knocking your door at 3:00 a.m. saying I'm hungry I have nothing to eat it's going to be a very different response and reaction very different so what ends up happening is the more that we think we control the world we manipulate things around us we're in charge my voice operated this my car that drives on its own my phone I can talk into and it tells me anything bad I'm in charge I tell the world what to do air conditioning go on lights turn off or turn on C take me to this destination so I'm barking orders to the whole world about what to do and voice operated controls listen to my orders and respond and do what I've told them to do so why shouldn't that happen to the people around me I'll bark orders to my mother and father I'll bark orders to my spouse I'll bark orders to my children I'll bark orders to my boss and I expect them like voice control to just respond and do exactly what I've barked at them to do so a person starts to think I'm the balab I'm in charge of myself I'm in charge of myself myself if I eat unhealthy I get fat if I exercise and eat right I'll lose weight if I work hard then this happens if I don't then that happens so you start to what's the conclusion that you draw that there's a a uh action and reaction there's a cause and effect I'm the cause I create the effect who's really in control who's really in charge it's on me as long as a person is immersed immersed in that sense of self as long as the person is immersed in the sense that they are the center of the universe and that everything revolves around them there's no room for God there's no room for ramuna you're not going to see him he's everywhere he's right in front of you he's talking to you but you won't even see him he'll feel invisible because you're so self-absorbed and so consumed by this notion that you are the center of the universe that you are the center of the universe I think this is a huge Challenge on parenting today this phenomenon of helicopter parenting where we don't let children fall there was a book that long receded this this generation's crisis called the blessings of a skin KNE what was her name who wrote it Wendy right M Wendy M she the blessing of a skin knee what was the idea that when you fell and you skinned your knee that was part of growing up that's great you fell off your bicycle you hurt your knee that's amazing because if you Coast through life and you never fall and scratch yourself then all you're doing is setting yourself up for an enormous disaster down the road it's important to fall it's important to feel pain it's important to have failure it's important for things to not work out and this generation this helicopter parenting phenomenon is that we sweep in we rescue we make it better we don't allow anything to fail too big to fail our children are too small to fail we don't let anything fail and failure is the biggest biggest classroom failure is the number one way that we learn and we also learn that it's not up to us I I didn't get in where I wanted to go so yeah you have to have aun that's not where you were meant to be that door closed another door is going to open and it's going to bring you to where you were meant to be that sh didn't work out that job didn't work out that whatever didn't that's where you were meant to be you need to have joy you need to have happiness that's where you're meant to be love so the first step in a life of Amun is to realize I'm not in control I'm not in charge this world is much bigger than me I have my opinions and I take my initiative and I proactively make my effort and I try to make the difference I say the right things I do the right things I try to Fashion a trajectory that is what I think is right and once I've done everything I can and I stop and I let go and I let God and I realize I've done everything I can so either I can be robbed of my happiness my joy My Serenity I could live a life of anger impatience and envy or I could say you know what I've done everything I can and the rest this is the way it's meant to be this is up to so the moment that a person is willing to concede a moment a person is willing to Forfeit and to say I'm not in charge I'm not in control I'm not everything there's room I'm making space I'm making room for other people to have opinions and I'm making room for the rebon for the almighty with whom I'm trying to develop a close relationship who has the final say and who has the most authoritative opinion and who wears the pants in every family I'm making room I'm stepping back and making room for the rebon sh's opinion Co man my opinion fills the whole room there's no space for anyone else I suck all the air out of the room says I'm out the first step to living a life of amuna is to have the humility and the modesty to say I'm making space for Hashem I'm making space for him I'm making space for him you can't have it both way arrogant people can't have auna arrogant people can't have relationships I see it all the time in marriages where one is is dictating to the other one is micromanaging controlling the other one is dominating the other one is not in the way that the other's happiness and relief that they don't take care of of things cu the taken care of it I mean they're dominating they're robbing the other person of the right to have an opinion they're robbing them of the right to have a feeling they're robbing them of the right to have uh influence to be influenced so you can't have any Rel arrogant people can't have real relationships they think that they do and they're fooled they don't realize that everyone around them it's it's a counterfeit relationship it's inauthentic it's not real if you're arrogant there's no space for other people part of the arrogance is to is to actually make yourself believe that everybody loves you when everybody's just humoring you or everybody's just getting be with the bare minimum of a relationship with you so the first step towards any meaningful relationship marriage parenting friends at work and the ultimate relationship with our creator with is to work on our sense of modesty and humility to realize I'm finite I'm imperfect I make mistakes I fail I'm just one opinion and there are so many others we're on the next page in our daving in our ding we relate to this notion of our attaching ourselves and relying and connecting with in the we say every morning you created light you created Darkness you make Shalom now the truth is this is a comes from this comes from and we quote it in our daving inaccurately the end of this p you make light you also make dark you make peace anyone know how the really ends you create what is what is evil what is negative we can't deal with that we can't deal with that to every morning start our day doing saying God you're also responsible for that which is so painful and bitter with that which is so hard it's hard for us so we say we just euphemistically we we like gloss over it you create everything everything we can't focus on we actually inaccurately we we sort of censor ourselves we can't we can't bear saying that accurately every morning so we concluded so in this section in this we say four descriptions how do we describe God Adon we ask him to have mercy on us he's Adon master of our strength our Sheltering rock is a rock we find shelter in himu he's the shield that saves us mavu he is our protective Fortress MAV is a fortress on our behalf so we have these four Expressions they seem redundant they seem like they overlap a lot what's the difference between our master of strength he's the rock that we find shelter in he's the shield that saves us he's the Fortress that protects us are they just for synonyms to describe the same phenomenon what's the difference says according from the the son these four descriptions correspond with four different periods of our life a person needs H's help in all the days of our life but depending on what stage of life we see our Reliance and dependence on hem in a different way when you're young child you feel that Hashem is just a master he's the Adon he's the master of our strength a master is like somebody who bosses you around you're a kid I really want to eat this and go there and do this I have to submit what can I do I have to concede to adone he's a master so a child an unsophisticated immature child just Sees God as this master dominating him adolesence we feel that we're even stronger as we see as a rock in the third we think that he's just helping us he's he's a shield he's helping us when we get older when we feel like we're nothing without him then means he's a fortress on our behalf a fortress means I'm vulnerable without him I need to go I need to go live within him I find Refuge I find protection from him so in other words in different dep stages of Life at different levels of maturity we either don't want to feel we rely on Hashem we feel we rely only on ourselves to the vulnerable fragile person in an older age who doesn't any longer feel that they can run a marathon or lift a car they realize that in the end of the day their life is so fragile unpredictable that it's entirely up to Hashem these four different stages so what what's his point a young person feels that they don't have to work on arrogance because that type of effort that type of work will bother him that person is trying to develop they're trying to find themselves so humility and finding yourselves they think don't go together how am I supposed to know who I am what are my strengths what are my talents what are my blessings I'm trying to carve my space in the world make a space for me who am I so if if humility is trying to focus Less on During the period of life where you're exploring and trying to find yourself so a young person thinks they don't need to so what do you do so the answer is to work on humility through daving so says here daving is essentially an exercise in in humility that's what daving is all about every time we stand up and we dive into Hashem what we're doing is it's an exercise in humility Hashem I'm about to give a big speech help me find the right words help me deliver it well help it land help it help it fulfill the your your purpose and your mission for me Hashem I'm about to travel help it go smoothly Hashem just go through the whole amid the middle section of the 13 bras that are requests for knowledge and good health and forgiveness for justice for for parnasa for livelihood all of these things what you're saying to Hashem is I'm going to take initiative I'm going to do the best I can but in the end of the day I submit to you that you're in charge you're in control so daving is an exercise in humility you're working on the sense of of humility that I'm not in control that I'm not in charge that really it's all up to you whatever I want whatever I need that it's really entirely up to you we have a PK in this week's para we've spoken about it many times a a mil we we have a beautiful artwork hanging in our home after the last time we focused on this a there's nothing but you a yes there are doctors and scientists and there are brilliant technology people and yes we've sent man to the moon and yes but in the end of the day that's all an illusion that we're in charge that we're in control a it's up to you it's up to you has this tradition that a person who in a moment of challenge of Crisis is able to find within themselves not only the ability to say the word but to feel them then that there's nothing but you Hashem that such a person will be spared will be saved that person will be blessed now that's hard to reconcile with the reality because we know many many incredibly righteous people who uttered those words a and they didn't have a miraculous cure and they didn't have miraculous comeback and so how do we reconcile that promise of or the tradition that if you say the word sincerely Ain there is nothing but you how do we reconcile that so we have to understand that the notion of of that promise is not necessarily in this world it's all about having the ability amuna doesn't make things go away amuna doesn't make the cancer go away or make the fertility happen or make you find that sh or make the job come through amuna doesn't make the people around you behave the way you want them to behave what amuna does is it's the ultimate Xanax what anx it's anx yeah it's XX you know I've been with a lot of people for a living I am with people in moments of of terrible crisis in those moments of terrible crisis the pain is so unbearable it's so overwhelming in that moment of Crisis chemically we've developed um options and medicines that a person is able to take and it's able to carry them they're able to endure they're able to endure through it so a milado a milado is is XX it's a form of Xanax that a person is feeling overwhelmed in crisis and and let me be very clear that I'm not suggesting it as an alternative to Xanax if a person has been prescribed Xanax and if a person needs Xanax I'm not suggesting that you leave it in the medicine cabinet and just say a in cases where it's properly prescribed and properly used follow whatever um whatever a doctor's orders are but what I'm saying is that anod Mado works the same way if if you take a Xanax pill so does it make the problem that you're trying to endure go away it gives you the capacity to stay calm and to stay Serene and to be present and to be able to survive whatever it is that you're trying to overcome so there people who had to take Xanax to attend a funeral of a loved one there are people who had to take Xanax to get through a job interview there people have to take Xanax to walk a child down an aisle there are people have to take Xanax in all kinds of circumstances and and a Mado works in the same mechanism instead of the difference is this Xanax is chemically altering your state and it's essentially masking the sense of anxiety the anxiousness the crisis that you feel inside it's masking and when you come off when the Xanax wears off those feelings are just going to come back is not just taking care of the symptom it's going right to the cause and ad says that if a person can submit if a person can concede if a person can recognize that everything is from Hashem and whatever is happening is meant to be and we don't understand it but we are finite and yet it makes sense somehow somewhere and someday we'll see and a person is able to really really absorb and ingrain and live that way then they haven't just masked the symptom of the pain they're in they're able to actually relieve the pain they're able to actually relieve the pain the pain may come back then too you got to say a no again and saying the words is not enough you've got to feel it but that's Ra's promise of mil there is nothing but him and the famous story we've shared before the brisar was running from the Nazis in the story and he thought he was going to be caught and he started to feel that you know why I'm vulnerable they're going to catch me because I forgot I thought there's something Milad there's someone else but him I thought there's such a thing as Nazis and the moment I realize M that everything is from hasem he's orchestrating the universe the brisar described he returned to that feeling of enod Mado a calm came over him and he in his circumstance was able to endure was able to survive that horrific crisis but even when we came that is what gets us through it's what gets us through that's that's that's our Xanax that's what gets us through we also have in our that we say in our ding when we read the Torah this is what we say before we read the Torah what do these words mean this is the mitzah this is the notion that we cling to Hashem we cling to Hashem we don't just have faith with Hashem in the abstract but we live with this knowledge of hm's involvement in our life and we cling to him that word to cling to hm comes from the word de de means glue it means glue we attach ourselves to hem we know that he has our back we attach ourselves to him and we're able to achieve a sense of on this day every day is lived to its fullest we make it through the day when at hadim when we're able to attach ourselves we're able to attach ourselves so you know we're in the midst of now the Shiva for the loss of our our dear dear friend and amazing Role Model benu N Rabbi Dr Brian galet and I could tell you as a as a direct testimony you know we read books about righteous people who have unwavering amuna I've read many articles about such people and there's always that little piece that says come on you know it's exaggerating it's you know after the fact trying to honor a person it's got to be like an exaggeration right it can't be real it can't be real so I want to tell you having seen for the last two years and the last two months up close very up close that there are people there are Extraordinary People Brian sense of Mo diagnosed with a death sentence a gasta a brain tumor but nevertheless that that if you could dance to and you know that there's a that this as long as if you attach yourself to Hashem that Hashem is amazing that wow and Hashem is amazing then then you can get through through through anything you can get through your Nisha leaving this world at 47 years old and leaving a beautiful family behind it is the strength that gets you through that and it is the Legacy that gives you strength to the children and to the family and to the people that left behind to Simply follow and emulate and walk in that exact way that that to literally sing and dance it's it's an astounding level and I'm not saying it's easily accessible or achievable for all of us but we need to know that there are people who did it and I can tell you that that Brian Zuna didn't didn't come when he was diagnosed it's not that he sat down then and started working on auna his son-in-law made this point at the funeral in Israel he spent a lifetime working on his auna so that when the time came that he would need to dig deep he didn't wait to be prescribed m and then go have to pick it up the pharmacy when he first got sick he had been working on an Mado that he had a storehouse of of of an pills accessible so that when it was necessary he could draw from it it's such a lesson for us for life is that too many people wait for the crisis and now that where is God and how God and I need to try to feel God and how can I find amuna in a God I don't I I want a DAV I even had DAV when we wait when we wait it's very very hard to generate those feelings and that relationship and those truths and to work on that quality in ourselves then it's very hard it's very hard to find it then it's a lifelong process to be able to do it and to be prepared for it and I have to tell you again the healthy Brian who who I've known for many many years since we're we young that was his attitude in all life when something didn't go his way it wasn't the way he wanted it to be since in the few days since his P since his passing even I can tell you his journey of traveling to Israel and his funeral which wasn't simple was a big complication that happened every time any one of us in that traveling party which was a large party um got flustered or bent out of shape over something we would remind each other what would Brian do and the whole thing changed to hasem it's the way it's meant to be isn't it better it's like a whole it it's a whole it's a whole there was a mistake with the grave and it took 2 and a half hours to dig a new Grave while we were waiting in the cemetery and it's in itself a whole disaster but you know what we we realize what would Brian say say you know a few more minutes of being with him before we have to say goodbye we ended up having a kumit and we sang his favorite songs while they were digging and while we were waiting and and if you bring that attitude of of and if we're able to to reprogram ourselves and make the default and the Instinct and the intuition to be that way then you have the power and the courage to get through anything cuz there's nothing more horrific whatever you're worried about in life there's nothing more permanent or more conclusive or horrific or tragic than than than this than leaving this world at a young age so that doesn't mean to minimize the challenges that you that we that people around are going through there are big challenges this is what I spoke about before and and I was nervous that I don't want to sound like I'm minimizing there are big challenges when your contractor doesn't finish on time and the paint color ran out and wasn't what you expected it to be those are enormous challenges I'm I'm only being a little sarcastic there are real challenges there are real challenges and it's it's okay it's okay to be annoyed and flustered right like when the flight's delayed or the person was rude or the person cut in line ahead of you or the it's okay to be flustered and annoyed by things in life it's okay that's natural it's normal it's okay just within scope within context within reason say yeah that was really annoying thank God in the bigger scheme of things it's nothing I'm so grateful that that's my it's a problem it's an annoying problem I got to fix it it's I got to deal with it thank God that's my problem so grateful that's my problem and we don't know what the next chapter brings for other challenges that we have in life with people around us with our children that we have big concerns about with relationships that we have we don't know we don't know but I'll tell you this and I tell you this again not because I'm speculating and not because I read in a book about somebody but I'm I'm telling you because I saw it directly and anyone who knew him did that he could turn any situation around he got frustrated and flustered there were things that were annoying she said it's amazing and then find the reason why it's amazing you know what it's homework that's the avod you people never do your homework you probably start haven't started your haska Journal yet but but uh I'll give you the next piece of homework for you not to do which uh which is that you know that that whole what would Brian do is to say in every situation you're flustered how can you spin that that bar there's something there is a barash no matter how challenging it is it's hard it's hard but to find the barash of it at least this or barash that or this gives me this opportunity or that is that there's a there's a bar there are people there are people to cling to hasem to attach ourselves him to declare in m not superficially and not in a fake way in the most genuine deep profound truest way to be able to sing that there is no one but him that there is nobody but him and to and to concede that he's in charge that he's in charge and when we do it doesn't reverse things it doesn't bring a cure but it enables you to have the strength to get through it where would you be without it collapse where would you be without it you'd rather just just be angry and stress ruin the rest of the relationships in your life where would you be without it so the moment you could take that deep deep breath and let go and let God as they say in the program let go and let God I've done everything I can I've tried to convince that person or I've tried to act this way I've tried to take this initiative I've tried to take that action I've done everything I can and now I have to let go let God and just not not stress about it just not stress about it you know as a a silly example I told you the passport story last time or two times ago with my daughter's passport didn't come and it was the day we were leaving and who knew and and our aod because uh we come to this class we we also are attendees in the class was as was happening we said look we've done everything we could we're trying to make it happen it'll be as it'll be what are we going to each day and each passing moment it doesn't arrive in the mail like does the stress make it come quicker does the all it does is ruin your physical health your mental health and so on so what's the alternative to if you want to be alive that day if you want to have life you know what the Life Source is for life where we draw from to find life to find the strength to live life is through aim to cling to God and to say I don't know how this is going to end up I don't know how this is meant to be I've done everything I can and now God you're in charge I'm going to show up I'm going to attend I'm going to do what I need to do participate the way I've been asked to participate I've done everything I can and I'm willing to let go and I'm willing to let you you be in charge only you know how this ends only you know the big picture only you know the why this is the way it was meant to be this is the way it was supposed to be when you live a life of that then then your son can get up at your funeral as Brian's son did and say we don't know why this happened and it's unfair but this is the way Hashem wants it and it's for the best so his life didn't just give him the strength to get through it he planted seeds within his children he already left them the strength he left them the the capacity to be able able to get through and to to live life which won't be easy for them because that's how we live our lives so what choice do we have that's it so our arrogance our ego our sense that I know best I know the way it's meant to be I know how it's supposed to go I need everyone to fall in line the way I want that's the biggest obstacle to having amuna it's the biggest obstacle to having happiness to having relationships to having peace and serenity and if we want to be able to have those things then we need to find the ability to live life with modesty and humility and to put aside our our Ani our sense of ego and to make room fores to run the world and as he only knows the best way to be