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לעלות בלי לאבד את הלב | שיעור לימים נוראים | אגדתא - מה | הרב בן ציון אלגאזי

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ישיבת רמת גן

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Well, today we will deal with a wonderful legend that offers much contemplation for us as we approach the High Holy Days, may they come to us for the good. There is a story in the Gemara, Tractate Ketubot, page 62b. The Gemara there speaks about the relationship between a man and his wife . A man must behave properly at home. The fundamental principle the Gemara states there is that a man should love his wife as himself. And honor her more than himself. There is a special matter regarding a man conducting himself with respect toward his wife. The Gemara tells a story. He said, "He left his wife and went." This is the statement of Rabbi Eliezer. The Sages say: Students who leave to study Torah for two or three years without permission. Rava said: The Sages learned a lesson from their own experiences. Students would go to study in the Beit Midrash for two or three years, each according to his capacity, the Gemara relates. The Gemara says that Rav Rechumi was frequently at the house of Rava in Mechoza; Rav Rechumi would study under Rava in Mechoza. He was married, so he left his wife to go study, as was the custom, but he would return to his home every year on the eve of Yom Kippur. Not after two weeks, not after three weeks, but even once a year, the scholar would come home. Well, the Gemara relates: One day he was delayed, one day a rumor kept him, there were some intense Talmudic debates and he was delayed, but she was waiting for him, waiting and he did not come. Every moment she said: Here, now he is arriving, now he is arriving. A whole year she expects him to return from the Beit Midrash; every moment she says: Now he is returning, and he did not come. Her spirit grew weak, she felt discouraged, and a single tear fell from her eye. She expects him so much, longing for a whole year, imagine what that is, and out of deep sorrow— whether intended or not—a tear fell from her eye. As she sat there, Rechumi was sitting on a roof, the roof collapsed under him, and his soul departed; a brick or something broke there, I don't know, he fell, heaven forbid, and died. That is the story. Now you ask me: Is the situation better , or worse? Certainly worse! He used to return after Yom Kippur, at least. The Gemara says: A tear fell from her, he was on the roof, the roof gave way, he fell and died. And all the references here, there is the Shitah Mekubetzet, if you had the page you would see it, and it says here: What, what, what happened here? What is the point of him falling from the roof because of one tear of his wife? So he writes here that it is proper, the Shitah Mekubetzet writes, not to cause his wife grief, one must ensure she is not overly distressed, so he is not punished on her account like what happened to Rechumi and so on. The Yaakov writes: It is not a matter of intent or lack of intent, that is just how it is; if a man harms his fellow, the result will be like that. He writes : It says that she shed one tear, but how many tears did she shed when he left his wife completely? He says, he says: So what, what have we gained? What have we gained? How many tears she shed now, only for her to be completely devastated in the end. But causing harm between a person and their neighbor is like a devouring fire. You hurt someone , you get hurt. Whether I meant to or didn't mean to. Whether it will be worse, it doesn't matter. Anyone who reaches out is burned by the fire, not as a punishment, but as a law of nature . That is how it is, a law of nature. You hurt someone, you get hurt. And I would like, with your permission, not to take this part of the punishment and the harsh consequences that occurred here. I want to take it a bit into our own context here, in our service of God , leading up to the High Holy Days that are coming upon us and all of Israel for the good. What is the idea here? What does it have to do with Yom Kippur ? Why specifically sit on a roof, one tear from here, a fall from here—what ? What do the Sages say? In the Sages, in the Aggadah, in any case, here we are...we are learning. Everything, everything in the study is precise. There is nothing that the Sages would show just like that. The fact that he sat on the roof and what—was it for Yom Kippur, so he was returning home and it happened? Everything here is completely accurate. The Torah tells us , in the portion of Ki Teitzei that we read this week: "When you build...when you build a new house, you shall make a railing for your roof, so that you do not bring bloodguilt upon your house if anyone should fall from it." Simply put , all the early commentators here say that the plain meaning is that if a person has a dangerous situation inside their home—they must prevent danger, any danger, wherever it may be. From here stems the whole idea of building a railing and removing every obstacle. The Rambam says, in one's home it doesn't have to be specifically a roof; a railing, any obstacle that a person has in their home—pits, ditches, and caves inside a person's courtyard, such and other hazards—they must remove them so that you do not bring bloodguilt upon your house. So if the Rambam writes that for any obstacle you are forbidden to keep it in your dwelling—be careful, oh, thank you very much, more power to you! One can differentiate. That so. So, conceptually. In the Sifrei it is written, you have the page before you, in source five: "And you shall make a railing for your roof"—this only tells me about a roof, from where do we include pits, ditches, caves, and crevices? The Talmud says: (We learn) " In your house"—if so, why is it said "roof"? Excluding a ramp, "house"—to include the Temple hall, "roof"— excluding the porch. "New"—the Sages say, from the time it is made new, make a railing for it. How much of a railing ? A railing of ten handbreadths, sufficient to prevent falling. So the Sifrei interprets: one must make a roof , excluding a ramp, house, including the Temple hall. Even in the Temple hall, a person must make it in the Temple, one must also seemingly make a railing, if it is to remove any obstacle like pits, ditches, and caves as the Sifrei says. So why does the Torah tell us "and you shall make a railing for your roof"? And you shall make a railing for your obstacles: in any place where you have an obstacle because of you, be careful that no one should fall from it, do not bring bloodguilt upon your house. What does the matter of the roof specifically have to do with this? In order to explain the plain meaning here and how it relates to our service of God on the High Holy Days, there is a very interesting thing related to King David . King David, there is the chapter of repentance in Psalms, chapter 51. King David says in the verse twice about this matter: "For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me." King David says: I, I myself, have sinned, I have sinned against myself always. King David is constantly weeping over the sin of Bathsheba; why does he weep over the sin of Bathsheba? He says: My sin is ever before me. Ultimately, as we all know the well-known Midrash of our Sages regarding Saul and King David: Saul sinned once and it was forgiven, King David sinned twice and it was not. Twice King David stumbled one way or another, and he did not find rest, while Saul—once, and he found rest. So what does King David say? "My sin is ever before me," the prophet told him. He said, "I have sinned," and the prophet said to him, "The Lord also hath put away thy sin; thou shalt not die." We are done. Why is King David constantly in his life tormented by this sin? Sometimes one must conclude the matter. King David’s sin with Bathsheba, which is the sin of King David that even Shimei son of Gera said to him: "Get out, you man of blood, and man of Belial." See how the sin began. The source is before you: "And it came to pass, after the year was expired, at the time when kings go forth to battle, that David sent Joab, and his servants with him, and all Israel; and they destroyed the children of Ammon, and besieged Rabbah. But David tarried still at Jerusalem." The situation is that there is a war with the children of Ammon. King David sends the entire army ahead; King David is a man of war, as we all know. And David is sitting in Jerusalem. Well, he decided, as a king, that he does not want to go out to this war. Usually, he would be a commander at the front— "follow me," as they say in the army, a king leads—this time. He said, I can send the Chief of Staff without the king. "And it came to pass in an eveningtide, that David arose from off his bed, and walked upon the roof of the king's house: and from the roof he saw a woman washing herself ; and the woman was very beautiful to look upon. And David sent and enquired after the woman. And one said, Is not this Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam, the wife of Uriah the Hittite? And David sent messengers, and took her; and she came in unto him, and he lay with her; for she was purified from her uncleanness: and she returned unto her house." King David is sitting in Jerusalem, the public is engaged in the war with the children of Ammon. When he is sitting in Jerusalem, he looks at everything that is happening around him , and the verse writes twice that everything...that it all revolved around the matter of the roof. And David is sitting in Jerusalem, fine, and it was eveningtide, and he walked upon the roof of the king's house, and the woman was also washing herself from the roof. What is the implication? Rabbi Israel: The sin was committed because of the roof; he walks on the roof and she is washing herself above the roof, and then they meet in the end . Ultimately, what happened to King David is the encounter that our Sages say in the end: "Whoever says David sinned is merely mistaken." And what was there? Yes, according to King David's level, King David's level is such that if there is a sliver of any transgression in him, according to his level it is already called a terrible thing, as everyone explains, or that there was a matter of premature judgment, and so on. Why does the scripture mention here twice this matter of the roof? See what the Malbim says on the spot: He meant to say that even in his house he was not occupied with its needs, he also was resting at the time of evening. Our Sages said that when David would eat his own meal, he would sleep until nine hours, but when he dined with kings, he would sleep until the evening. And if so, having dined at a king's banquet and enjoyed pleasures, he subsequently did not occupy himself with public needs; he walked on the roof of the king's house, and through this, he came to sin when he saw a woman bathing. He did not set out from his home to see from the roof, in a way that he needed to intend to see. The Malbim says here: Yes, the roof was the fundamental trial of King David. What is the point? There are times when a person feels they are walking on the roof. We have situations where we allow ourselves, in some scenario, to feel that "it won't happen to me." I am protected, thank God, I am in holiness all the time, I am immersed in Torah. There are levels sometimes where the very high level that a person manages to reach is where the greatest danger lies in wait for them. Let's skip for a moment over the terminology. King David says in Psalms, "A Song of Ascents of David, Lord, my heart is not haughty, nor my eyes raised, nor have I walked in things too great and wonderful for me." What is King David saying? King David says, "Master of the Universe, know that the most dangerous thing in the service of God is the feeling of internal pride a person has precisely within their service of God." If a person has pride about all sorts of other things, then they must know to correct their pride, it's terrible, but understandable. But when within the service of God, a person feels they have reached some level, and they feel they can think to themselves that they can flirt with sin, they can entertain thoughts of various transgressions, and they say: "Listen, I am covered, this cannot happen to me." The moment a person feels some internal superiority from their service of God in one way or another, that is usually where a fall of some kind will eventually occur. It can be service of God that eventually causes him pride over his surroundings. He feels he can speak on matters of study more than others. To speak boldly against his teachers, against authorities, against great Torah scholars, against his peers. He really tells himself, he has some self-confidence, what does that mean? " I know what I am saying and I am sure of myself, and I have some..." and at that moment that it exists here, the danger is there. King David says: " Master of the Universe, I have not walked in things too great and wonderful for me." Look at the holy Alshich, the Alshich says: "My heart is not haughty." Behold, for our Rabbis have said: David was not deserving of that deed, but rather if an individual sins, they say to him: "Go to them." David, as we explained in its place, for it would not enter the heart of the Blessed One to cause him to sin, so that Reuben would write for the sake of Simeon, but it is His way, may He be blessed, that He guards the feet of His pious ones from sin, for even through the truth of the righteous, the Holy One, blessed be He, brings about the outcome through them. So how could King David have sinned? And here there was room to say, indeed, there was no sin in his hand that would drag another, but perhaps there was a bad preparation , perhaps the agents of sin, which are his heart and eyes, he did not guard properly, and they acted as agents for him. He saw Bathsheba and desired her; he desired her in his heart and took her. The Alsheich says here: King David was holy of holies, but it was enough that he allowed himself to think he could look at some sort of transgression or another—just seeing it, I have no worries, it is far from me, it does not apply to me. There are all kinds of ways a person allows himself—I call it opening windows to negative things—where at that moment he is already preparing the whole sin for himself. Why? Because the agents of sin are the ones that, in the end, make it almost impossible for a person not to sin, as the Gemara says in Tractate Berakhot: How can it be that a father puts his son in all these kinds of situations, with all the variables— what will the son do not to sin? There are situations we almost cannot prevent for ourselves. One of these fundamental things is the spirit of internal pride that we have. Look at what the Alsheich writes here later on, or when he says: "And he walked upon the roof of the king's house," as it is written. And perhaps that stroll was a result of pride, like great kings who elevate themselves over others through grandeur and arrogance, saying in their heart: " Who compares to me?" And from this, the evil inclination found a place to pass the blame onto him, to lead him to sin through the sight of his eyes. Therefore he comes and says: Behold, there is no need to speak of actual sins, for they were not what caused that sin. King David was clean of sins, that is simple, but it was enough for that single point, that state he was in , and that was it. For even the evil preparations to cause a sin were not in him. The three possible evil preparations are, firstly, haughtiness of heart—it is one thing—the arrogance of heart where a person says to himself: "I am permitted." The Gemara says in Tractate Sotah. Whoever has haughtiness, arrogance of heart, or an arrogant spirit, pushes away the feet of the Shekhinah. The Holy One, blessed be He, says: Listen, I cannot ...I am settling...by your side, you are pushing away the feet of the Shekhinah. At that moment, there are sins of the shadow of transgression, and especially, you should know, sins of the shadow of transgression within the holy, within the very inner sanctum . There is impurity of the Temple and holy things, there is impurity outside the Temple, but inside the inner sanctum, within our own internal holy of holies, there can also be some form of impurity within the service itself, and that is the subtlety we must be aware of. One was a preparation to cause a sin—that is the possibility of haughtiness of heart, or perhaps someone was an agent, or his own eyes —the second—caused him to look at evil, or that I was walking around: I will not go into wonders and things too great for me, and walking on the roof in a way of greatness and wonder, perhaps saying in my heart: "I am above all kings." That was with a broadness of heart, an arrogance of spirit, and that awakened my eyes to see and my heart to desire. King David says: That is what caused it for me, one single moment of that, a feeling that I can walk around however I want, I have no limitations. That caused all the damage entirely. Now look at a most wonderful thing: The Torah tells you beyond the fact that you must remove obstacles in one way or another, so that you do not let someone fall because of you, God forbid—and may that not happen—God manages things beside him; but "You shall make a parapet for your roof"— for your roof, the upper part of a person is the head, which is the part where the soul resides, and it is the place where the Divine Presence is found up above. Everything a person must do is, within the pillar of holiness, to also place a parapet, to place various limitations so as not to project any sense of superiority. There is such an expression that sometimes a person within holiness allows himself to act a certain way because he is of a high level. And this matter: Who shall ascend the mountain of the Lord? And who shall stand in His holy place? There are many people who manage to ascend the mountain of the Lord, reach attainments, and thank God, acquire many pages of Gemara and remember them, and reach levels of holiness and levels of prayer, in the home and good character traits. But sometimes, from the ascent on the mountain of the Lord, one looks down a little; and therefore, King David says: Who shall ascend the mountain of the Lord?,but also: Who shall stand in His holy place? All. Any work you have managed to achieve in holiness, hold onto it, hold onto it in a true way, so it does not cause you to deteriorate anywhere from that ascent and mountain you managed to climb. The Pardes Yosef, books of Hasidism in source 13, says "And you shall make a parapet": Here, in the holy books, there are various teachings on the path of morality and fear of Heaven. The Shal HaKadosh wrote: There is a hint here regarding the matter of humility; indeed, a person must refrain. And distance himself from pride of heart and arrogance. See there in his holy words, and it is similar in the Noam Elimelech, that "ma'akeh"(parapet) is from the language of "Out of the depths have I called You, O Lord"—parapet from the language of "from the depths." And in the Noam Megadim he wrote a nice homily here, every Admor, etc.;but this is it. All fathers "and you shall make a parapet," from the depths. Everything we do must be with great humility, with lowliness: "Out of the depths have I called You, O Lord." If so, look at the Mishnah in Tractate Yoma, Tractate Yoma . The Mishnah describes the entire process of a person's repentance. At the end, the thing tells us, the last part of the Mishnah says: Sins between a person and the Omnipresent, Yom Kippur atones for; sins between a person and his fellow, Yom Kippur does not atone for until he appeases his fellow, and then the Mishnah says once again the teaching of Rabbi Elazar ben Azariah. Look at an interesting thing, look at it inside the Mishnah: Sins... atone...atone...his fellow, this is Rabbi Elazar. Ben Azariah, "From all your sins before the Lord you shall be purified"—sins between a person and the Omnipresent, Yom Kippur atones; sins between a person and his fellow, it does not atone until he appeases his fellow. Rabbi Akiva said, "Happy are you, Israel"—this was not said only about the Omer, this is said about Yom Kippur: "Happy are you, Israel, before whom do you purify yourselves? Who purifies you? Your Father in Heaven, as it is said: 'The hope of Israel is the Lord,' and 'I will sprinkle clean water upon you, and you shall be purified.'" And it says, "The hope of Israel is the Lord"—the Holy One, blessed be He, purifies Israel. Tell me, what is happening in this Mishnah? What does Rabbi Elazar ben Azariah teach? More than he suffers. How much does he almost repeat his words? There are sins between man and God, and there are sins between man and his fellow—Yom Kippur atones for the former. Yom Kippur does not atone for the latter. Rabbi Chaim Palaggi asks this, the Rif on Ein Yaakov asks this; everyone asks, what is the new insight here? It’s a wonderful thing. The Tanna Kamma says: There are two accounts. There is an account between man and God; you repent , you confess—we beat our chests five times on Yom Kippur during the confession—and that way we closed the account with the Holy One, blessed be He; we find atonement from the Holy One , blessed be He, the matter is closed, your iniquity is gone and your sin is atoned for, done, you're free. Sins between man and his fellow, if you hurt someone or insulted them, that is not atoned for; it is a different account, you must know how to close it on your own. A person has two bank accounts, one has a minus, one has a plus; for the Almighty, the minus is covered, but if a minus remains, you must cover it. Rabbi Eleazar ben Azariah teaches otherwise; he disagrees with the Tanna Kamma: It is not the case that there are two separate accounts; it is one big account, between man and God and between man and his fellow—it is one single account. What is this one account? The one account tells you that if you haven't closed the one between man and his fellow, you haven't closed the one between man and God either. If a person lacks purity of heart regarding his fellow man, even if he is now crying out to the Holy One, "We have betrayed, we have sinned," if he allows himself to continue holding a grudge or being held against, he is not ready to apologize, not ready to lower his head and ask for forgiveness. Maybe you hurt someone? Maybe we were wrong? We all make mistakes. No, how could that be? Everyone hurt us, so we all need to ask for forgiveness from us? Do we need to ask for forgiveness? Have you ever seen someone ask for forgiveness? I need to ask for forgiveness? Heaven forbid, everyone is to blame except us. Rabbi Eleazar ben Azariah tells you: Until you cleanse yourself and purify the parts between man and his fellow, even the account between man and God will not be atoned for. Because true purity is not atonement. Atonement is closing an account. Purity is an internal transformation. It is within the person himself. When does a person truly feel pure? Not just because he closed the business. Ultimate purity is only when he resolves things between himself and his fellow. The test of a person's inner purity, in the very depths of his soul, is when he is ready to forgive someone with a whole heart, to let go of his grievances, and to be willing to ask for forgiveness. It is not easy, it is not simple. Asking for forgiveness from the Holy One, blessed be He, is very easy; I once heard from Rabbi Ovadia that there are those for whom it is so easy, they beat their chests even harder. Why? If the sins are piled up to the top, he wants to release a little, to make some room. Too much? What do they do? They have to play the game, shake it off a bit to the Holy One, blessed be He, and ask for forgiveness; no problem. How hard it is for a person to stand before his fellow and say to him: Sir, I was wrong, I hurt you. It requires extraordinary inner strength. And there is the test of purification, this evil of Rabbi Elazar ben Azaria: "Before the Lord you shall be clean," both between man and the Divine, and between man and his fellow. And the moment a person is on the roof in some form and feels superiority—it doesn't matter in what —each of us feels there is superiority: one in wisdom, one in money, and one in such and such connections—when he feels superiority , the answer can never be "Out of the depths I call to You, O Lord." There cannot be a state of "you shall make a parapet for your roof." Guard the parts where you feel lowly; guard them, do not let all sorts of parts of your personality fall, heaven forbid. If you are at a high level, "you shall make a parapet for your roof." King David once went up to a roof, and once that happened, he diverted his mind, and what was caused was caused. King David says, it is forbidden for a person to be distracted in mind. "My sin is ever before me.""Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity." Sometimes we are asleep while standing, because of our situation. There are those among us who waste time, we do all sorts of things, such tools, we tell ourselves it’s not so bad, it’s a one-time thing, we will move on, we allow ourselves because we have some superiority. A person who has some stain is not at peace. Look at you: on a white shirt suddenly falls some fish sauce, that’s it—the person at that moment has no peace of mind. He looks, looks for tissues, looks for wipes, he doesn't want to go home with it, his wife will see him—it’s already a crisis, right? How will he return with such a dirty shirt? And he looks to change his shirt and so on. It is uncomfortable. King David says: I want to be in the feeling that if I have flawed, sinned, insulted—I want to feel uncomfortable. I don't want to continue, to continue to feel I can do whatever I want, I am on the roof— that was the mistake, says King David. David walks on the roof and says: Master of the World, give me the strength of soul, "My sin is ever before me.""Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin," not only wash me so I feel clean, but the inner purification of humility, that I have it—that is what I am truly seeking. Please see what the Aruch HaShulchan says: On the 15th, we eat, drink, and rejoice after Yom Kippur. It was already said, "Go, eat your bread with joy," for Yom Kippur, etc. And then he says: The most important thing to do on the evening after Yom Kippur—to set up some stake in the Sukkah. A very interesting thing : immediately after Yom Kippur, our roof turns into a Sukkah, simplicity. If because of the roof we climbed onto some roof and allowed ourselves to commit a sin, what is the first repair we do immediately after Yom Kippur? Setting up the Sukkah. Why? Simplicity. And this is the guarantee that everything you took upon yourself during the High Holy Days will be preserved throughout the entire year. If you live in simplicity, in humility — "Out of the depths I call to You, O Lord," and "you shall make a parapet for your roof." Now let us return to what we opened with: The Gemara says, Rabbi Humi found Rava in Mechoza. What could be greater than that? Imagine a rabbi immersed in study for an entire year, not seeing his family, not seeing his children, just total dedication. Do you know what that is? Have you ever felt what it is to study for 12 hours straight? Wow, he finishes after 12 hours and tells himself: "Well done, you're great, this is it!" That is how the greats studied. "Rabbi, you're Rabbi Chaim Kanievsky, you're a rabbi to me, you're Rabbi Ovadia"—there’s no one like you; he grants himself a reward for his dedication. Not just a day, not 12 hours, not two days, not a week; a year, a year of extraordinary devotion to Torah. Only once for Yom Kippur, a little for the holidays, he returns home. After the holidays— there’s no break for them. After, after Sukkot, he takes a bus back to the yeshiva for another year. That is incredible. One day, not only was he immersed for a year, but the study was all light, tunnels, extraordinary flashes, and he is on the roof. He is on the roof, and his wife is crying. But what is the pain here compared to ...compared to his spiritual level? The level on the roof, a whole year, One tear—the entire level came crashing down. Because that’s how it is: a person can be at a high level, but for a moment, he forgets that there is also "man to his fellow," and there is purity, and there is a depth to things that one must observe around him and not ignore. And don't get the feeling, even if you truly possess extraordinary spiritual powers, that you are on the roof. And the Sages—the Sages didn't just show that he was on the roof, on the eve of Yom Kippur, without any sensitivity. With every...with every single tear, it is not a punishment, it is reality. That is how it is. If we want to approach the High Holy Days, in preparation...everyone has some internal feeling—we all have it— that we feel we are better than others. "Well done," it's fine, it's good to compliment someone, one shouldn't be in a state where I can't say "I," but if it causes...where is the practical difference? If it causes you to feel a sense of superiority toward others, and you permit yourself to sometimes speak a little bit of gossip, and talk, or ridicule someone, and do things that are inappropriate—that’s when you are on the roof, and beware that you don't fall from it. Rather, "you shall make a fence for your roof," guard the steps, develop them, elevate them so they won't, God forbid, be a stumbling block for a person. That is the highest level that can be. On this, King David composed, on this very point he composed the entire chapter of repentance. Yes, on...on the sin of Bathsheba. The scripture says there: What, what, what, what was the sin? Did the sin end? He says: It ended, but I am afraid, "my sin is always before me, " wash me thoroughly from my iniquity. No.